[Fanfic] Falling in Love
Title: Falling in Love
Author: yutorinislove
Pairing: Hikaru x OC
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance
Summary: Yaotome Hikaru does not expect to fall in love with girl who had a smile that was as bright as the sun.
Author’s Note: Warning: HEAVY DRAMA AHEAD. I don’t know what happened here, really. Sorry? ;;
---
It was futile to want more with Yaotome Hikaru. Yaotome Hikaru has a certain pace and rhythm, he goes through girls like go through underwear most of the time. But that doesn't necessarily mean that he gives girls the dog house treatment. It was more than just the opposite. You see, he treats every girl like a princess, gives them everything they could ask for and then some, loves and adores them in such a way that a girl would feel as though they were the rarest gem in the universe, but once he decides that enough was enough, he leaves. There wasn't a forever with Hikaru -- his friends tease him for being such a roaming bachelor, but he does not mind that. He knows he is. He knows he is not one to be tied down, and he revels in that knowledge.
It could have been the completion of many women's dreams if Yaotome Hikaru got back together with an ex-girlfriend. But he did not have such thinking -- for him, once he tells a girl it's over, it's really over. No more discussions, no more negotiations. It was just a matter of him falling out of love. And when he fell out of love, there wasn't getting that love back.
Ever since almost everyone in Mugendai garnered a girlfriend, Hikaru's best friend Yabu had been constantly on his case, badgering him about 'settling down.'
"I'm only twenty-three, that's too young to even think about getting married, Koppi," Hikaru said, tuning his bass strings.
"I'm not talking about getting married. I'm saying, haven't you ever thought about getting serious with the girls you date? Isn't it about time, you know?" Yabu said, clarifying his previous point.
Hikaru shrugged, still wired to tuning his bass. "I don't know, Koppi. I think it's not yet time for me to think about that. I'm really happy about you and Sandra-chan, though."
Yabu just looked at his best friend with a lenient eye. Though Hikaru was childish at times, Yabu never had so much cause to doubt his friend's innate maturity. He just shrugged. "Whatever you say, Hachibee. Whatever you say. Hey. Sandra-chan and I was saying that we want to hang out. You think you and your present girlfriend... what is her name?"
"Sakura."
"Yeah, Sakura-chan. You think you and your girlfriend could make time for Sandra-chan's birthday? It's still a month from now, it shouldn't be much of a hassle."
"I'll talk to her."
"Okay then," Yabu said, mounting his rhythm guitar strap over his shoulder. "Let's go practice?"
---
Yabu knew Hikaru's womanizing was serious when Hikaru came to the Saturday date with not Sakura, but a new girlfriend who went by the name... was it Reiya? Sandra was more than friendly with her, and kept her occupied while Yabu glared daggers at his oldest friend.
Daggers that escaped Hikaru's notice because Hikaru grinned at him with his crooked teeth. "Hey, Koppi. Want some cheesecake?"
---
Hikaru has always known that most of his friends do not approve of his dating patterns. Well, Hikaru would admit that his patterns were not necessarily orthodox, seeing as he was with a different girl more than frequently. It wasn't that Hikaru loved playing with girls. It was more like he liked wanting to make girls smile and have fun while they were with him, because to him, having been able to make them smile and be happy was the biggest boost to his ego that can happen in his life. There wasn't anything wrong with that, right?
He looked at his watch and smiled at his new girlfriend who sat directly in front of him. Studious, almost on the boring side, but definitely a girl with a pretty smile. That was, if the spirit moved her. Hikaru met Fujinami Reiya during one of his rare runs in the public library, a couple of days after he broke up with Sakura. She was with a friend, and they were poring over one of the thickest books in the collection, some kind of heavy stuff for lawyers, Hikaru thought, and it wasn't until she looked up from the book to smile a little at her friend that Hikaru was granted a sight of her smile.
It was simple, but it was so bright, like watching the sunrise. Hikaru didn't like being corny, but for that moment that he saw Reiya there, smiling that smile, Hikaru knew he was hooked. Like all his ventures with women, after a few weeks of talking to her and taking her to 'friendly' dates, Reiya finally agreed to be his girlfriend. And that was in time for Sandra's birthday.
The main reason why Hikaru decided to take Reiya as his girlfriend was that she didn't seem like the type to smile often, and he took that as a challenge. After all, he was joker Hikaru, the one who puts the smiles on most everyone's faces. He took it upon himself to make Reiya smile often.
Which she did during the duration of their getting together. The only difference was that the smiles she gave him wasn't like that one smile that has gotten him hooked. It was more like a polite smile, a smile that she has to put on because she has to, and not because she was genuinely happy.
This anomaly to Hikaru's reputation has baffled him to the point that he was so bothered by it for it to be even called an insult. Nobody, but nobody who became Hikaru's girlfriend never had to pretend to be happy! They had to be genuinely happy, Hikaru made sure of that!
"Ne, Reiya-chan," he said as he sipped his coffee, smiling warmly at the girl who looked up for once from her books. "You seem so busy nowadays."
"Yeah, I am," she said apologetically. She was a university student at the same university Keito and Yuto study in, and Hikaru knows for a fact, considering how hard both his band mates were working with keeping up with their studies, that that university was pretty heavy stuff. The fact that she was studying law didn't help either way. "I'm sorry, it's just because we have this pretty large exam coming on and -- "
"No need to apologize, Reiya-chan, really, I understand," Hikaru said, looking into her eyes. He reached over the table to ruffle her hair. "Ganbatte ne?"
And it was like the sun had peeked out of the clouds again when she smiled -- not the fake smile, the smile she was putting on for show -- but the same smile that had gotten Hikaru hooked on her the first time he saw her. "Ganbarimasu."
Hikaru smiled wider, feeling his chest constrict with what he wanted to label as pride at having been able to make her smile like he wanted to. The only problem was that he knew what the feeling of pride was, and it did not really encompass what kind of confusion was in his chest.
---
Sometimes Hikaru can't help but be proud that his girlfriend wasn't like his band mates’ girlfriends, or his other girlfriends. Reiya does not drop by to say hello like Sandra (well, she has an excuse -- she was covering their gigs and had to interview them before and after performances), but does not let herself be someone unknown among his friends (like Yuya's girlfriend whose name they still don't know until now, does not tease and take pleasure in teasing her boyfriend like Aki was to Yuto (but that was, admittedly, what made the two's relationship adorable). She does not send cutesy mails that threaten not to look at any other girl during performances like one of his ex-girlfriends, most probably because she knew that not looking at any other girl during performances was not only impossible in his line of work, it was also against his sworn duty as Yaotome Hikaru, the roaming bachelor. There was the comfort of knowing that Reiya, unlike his ex-girlfriends, knew that she was going to be replaced, and she accepted that, wholly accepted that, and is just enjoying what time Hikaru was prepared to give her. It was comfortable, that knowledge.
That was the things Hikaru liked telling himself when he enters the backstage some days to see that his friends have someone fussing over them, while he had none.
---
It was the time that he has gone drinking with his friends from high school that he has begun to doubt all the things he told himself. Ayukawa Taiyou had just broken up with his girlfriend, and Yabu and Yamashita Shoon had decided that Taiyou needed a break and take him partying to keep his mind off things. On that end, they failed because Taiyou wasn't much of a partygoer, and just two bottles of beer has gotten him really, really drunk that the night was still young when they camped inside Taiyou's apartment for the night.
"Remind me never to get Taiyou to party, ever again," Shoon said, massaging his temples as he puttered around the apartment to get Taiyou some headache pills. Yabu chuckled and followed the oldest member of their troupe out of the room.
Hikaru laughed at Shoon and Yabu's attempts to get their heartbroken friend comfortable in his living room. Then he turned to Taiyou who was lying still, eyes scrunched tightly closed, mumbling things to himself. "Oi, Taiyou," he said, lying beside the taller guy on the carpet. "How are you feeling?"
"Horrible," Taiyou said. "I don't understand why she wanted to break up. I did everything for her, you know? Just genuinely wanted to make her happy -- what couldn't she see in me that she could see in someone else?"
Hikaru turned to lie on his stomach, propping his chin with his left hand. "I guess the excitement has faded in your relationship."
"Ha-ha. Thanks for making me feel better, Hikaru. You're not helping," Taiyou slurred, glaring through slit eyes. Then he looked away. "Humor me, all right? You have a girlfriend, don't you?"
"When did I ever lack one?" Hikaru laughed.
"Tell me... tell me about her, what is she like? I really don't understand how girls could still enjoy being with you with the thought that you're just going to break up with them someday."
Hikaru ignored his last sentence and proceeded to tell him about Reiya. "She's really smart, you know. Freshman at law school, got in a year early. She also has a very, very pretty smile, sort of like the sun when it appears, golden bright... oh, have I ever told you how her fingers look when they flip the pages of a book? They're so slender and tiny, you'd think they belong to a pixie. You should see how hard she works, okay. She's marvelous. She could stay up the whole night if she needs to, and I just hope she doesn't overwork herself or anything..."
"Hikaru, wait, hold up," Taiyou said, and Hikaru thought that maybe his drunk brain had slowed its processes for a bit.
"Hm?"
"Are you in love with her?" Taiyou asked, eyes opening to focus on Hikaru's incredulous face.
"Of course not," Hikaru denied. Where did Taiyou get that preposterous idea?
"'Cause," Taiyou said, leaning his head to one side, "all you could talk about was how awesome she is, and unlike the other times with your other girlfriends, you never talked once about how in love she is with you."
"I don't know, man," Taiyou said, closing his eyes yet again. "This time must be really different because it isn't the girl that fell for you. It's you who fell for the girl."
---
Hikaru spent a sleepless night trying to forget what Taiyou had said of him. OF course he was not in love, he thought as he twiddled his thumbs as he sat on a park bench, waiting for Reiya to come. They always spent Wednesday afternoons together, after his part-time job at the sushi restaurant let out and after her classes ended at the university.
She was running late, which was so unlike her, but Hikaru was prepared to wait.
He has never been prepared to wait for anyone in his life.
What was it with Fujinami Reiya that has changed him?
"Sorry, class let out later than expected, I would have texted but I ran out of cell phone credit," Reiya said, rushing g towards where Hikaru was sitting. She tried to catch her breath and Hikaru smiled as he stood up, running his hand across her back to help her calm herself down.
"You didn't have to hurry -- I'm free for the whole day, anyway," Hikaru said as he let his hand go up to rest on the crown of her head. "How was school today?"
"Went great, thanks," she said, smiling up at him.
At the brightening of her face caused by that sunrise smile, Hikaru felt himself smile, too, and he unconsciously began to ruffle her hair. "Great to hear."
"What are we going to do today?" Reiya asked as she fixed her hair out of her eyes.
"Hm. It's a secret," he said, his heart beating faster with every passing second.
They ended up spending the entire day in an amusement park, playing like children and ultimately having fun -- assignments and homeworks and band practices forgotten because they were having too much fun to even think about what was going to happen next.
Hikaru gave Reiya a sidelong glance as they stood beside the carousel, watching the painted wooden horses turn round and round. Watching her profile as she smiled at the children there, Hikaru decided that if he really is in love with Fujinami Reiya, then, he wouldn't mind staying in love with her.
If being in love meant being so happy just staying here like this, then, he wouldn't mind being in love.
---
"Break up with me, Hikaru."
Hikaru looked up from his coffee, eyes wide, at Reiya who sat across him. He had gone to the cafe by her request, and he had decided to humor her, since she rarely asked for anything. That, and the fact that he didn't have anything to do. And wasn't that the point of getting girlfriends? Having someone occupy your free times?
Thinking he must have misheard, he cocked his head to the side. "What?"
"Break up with me," Reiya repeated, looking up from her law books. She must have gone straight from university, the way that she still had her university sweater on. Her eyes were serious as she regarded Hikaru. "We're going to break up anyway, so I figured we do it now, before my exams come up."
If people called him heartless for breaking many girls' hearts with his dating patterns, it was only in this moment that Hikaru knew what it felt like to be in the shoes of the girls he broke up with. The calculating tone of voice, the pokerfaced expression, the slap of reality with each word.
For a moment Hikaru felt his heart clench at the thought that Reiya had thought about not lasting forever with Hikaru. For a moment Hikaru contemplated demanding Reiya stay for longer to prove to her that, yes, they could.
But Hikaru was Hikaru, and he knew that asking Reiya that would be much similar to begging. And in relationships, Hikaru never did the begging. The girls he broke up with did.
So he looked at Reiya with a cool eye and said over his coffee, "Is that so?"
"Yeah," Reiya said. "Your reputation is quite well-known, you know," she smiled at him, warm but wry. "So I thought it was better to end it here than wait for the time that you would think it's appropriate to end it."
"I think that's a nice idea," Hikaru said, his chest clenching with very word coming out from Reiya's mouth, the pain making him want to hurt her back, emotionally, physically, whatever. "This relationship wasn't going anywhere anyway."
"So you agree?" Reiya asked, eyes unreadable as they looked at Hikaru.
"It's not as if we love each other," Hikaru smiled, wondering how and why he still had the heart to smile when all his heart wanted to do was break and be squeezed dry. "Right?"
Reiya cast him a skeptic look -- but he would not look weak in front of her. No, no -- so he smiled. "We'll still be friends," he said easily, the one-liner that always ended his other relationships. I don't want to be friends.
---
The following day was a gig day. These gigs of theirs were increasing in frequency, and everyone were fairly tired and excited at the same time. Usually, he was one of the first ones to complain about the doghouse treatment when it came to schedules being more tightly packed as they already were. Usually Hikaru was somewhat of a balance, knowing when to be hyper and mild in order to assist Yabu with being able to manage the group better.
The Hikaru that everyone saw that gig was so much different. Drinking before a performance wasn't forbidden (Yabu knew how alcohol can help boost a performance), but excessive drinking was, to the point of being drunk. And that was what happened to Hikaru. Hikaru was definitely one glass of vodka away from getting really drunk.
Yabu had tried to approach him, but the moment that he did, the gig had to start. And Hikaru could still stand and sing and play the bass without forgetting any of the notes.
"Is he still okay?" Yuya asked, roused from his performance sleepiness, eyes trained on Hikaru as he gave his bass and drum duet with Yuto.
"I guess, he still seems articulate," Yabu said. "But we have to keep him away from alcohol from now on."
"What happened to him, though?" Kei asked, looking concerned as well. They have never seen Hikaru spin out of control like this before -- Hikaru was normally flirtatious with his audience, but not, never like this.
"Taiyou talked to him before this performance... and he said there might be some trouble with him and Reiya-chan," Yabu said as he looked around the backstage for Hikaru's phone. "I think we need to call her help for this case."
---
Hikaru could vaguely remember downing countless numbers of margaritas by the bar, could scarcely recall stripping off his shirt and nearly breaking his bass when he threw it to the corner. He could barely recall the many hands that tried to keep him seated on his seat in the backstage.
But he could definitely remember the face of that one girl he could testify had broken his heart. He could remember the slight wrinkle of concern on her brow as she pressed a wet cloth on his forehead.
"I don't understand why you would do that," she scolded softly.
"I didn't -- "
"Shh. We'll talk tomorrow, okay? Sleep, Hikaru," she said gently, threading her slender fingers through his hair and continuously ran the cloth over his forehead, the motion slowly lulling him to sleep. "It's okay, Hikaru, go to sleep, it's going to be okay."
---
The sunlight filtered through the practice room windows, tickling Hikaru's closed eyelids open until Hikaru was squinting at his surroundings. It took him a few moments to register where he was, and another few moments to remember why he was there.
He was in the practice room, and he had gotten himself really, really drunk last night, if he was going to judge by the forming headache that he knew would threaten to split his skull open judging from the niggling pains that he was already experiencing.
"Ahh," he moaned as he tried to lift himself up from the red love seat.
"Don't move too much, you might upset your stomach," called a voice that he never thought he'd never hear again speaking at him with such gentleness. He weakly tried to swivel his head towards the direction of the voice and saw Reiya enter the practice room with a plastic bag from the nearby convenience store in tow. She made her way towards him, a small smile on her face.
"Reiya," he said, voice cracking from underuse.
"You overdid yourself last night," she said, handing him a bottle of water. "Come on, eat up before I give you some aspirin."
Hikaru watched her as she brought out a cup of instant ramen from the plastic bag, then watched her look around for somewhere she could take hot water from. Maybe it was the alcohol, undigested in his stomach, or maybe it was the longing, that instilled the panic of losing her again in his heart. He watched as her eyes alighted on the electric kettle on the other side of the room, watched as she tried to slowly get up.
"Don't go."
She looked back at him, chuckling lightly. "I was just going to -- "
"I don't want to break up, Reiya," he said, tears gathering in his eyes. "I don't want to let go. Taiyou told me, you know. He told me how awesome it is to be in love. I felt that with you -- the constant happiness and wanting to be happy all the time, the not having to please anyone all the time.
"I think I love you, Reiya. Isn't that worth anything? You were happy with me, weren't you? Do you really want to walk away from it all?" he said, barely getting those words out before he burst into big fat tears. "Tell me what I have to do and I'll do it. Just don't... just take me back. Please, Reiya, please."
There was a silence, interrupted only by Hikaru's sobs that nearly grew too loud for the room. Hikaru felt so, so cold. So, so cold until he felt Reiya's arms envelop him in an embrace.
"Shh, don't cry," she murmured into his ear, and Hikaru looked up to see that she was teary, too. "I never thought I'd see this day, you know? You telling me that you love me. I never thought that you'd fall for me, you know. That was the reason why I wanted to break up -- I didn't want to fall so deeply because I always thought that it will not last."
He looked at her, even though he regretted having to pull back slightly from her embrace. "What?"
"I know about you, Hikaru. I know how fast you get through your girlfriends," Reiya admitted, laying the cup noodles on the floor and climbing on the love seat beside him. She turned to him, sifting through his brown hair with her fingers, her teary gaze holding his own. "At first I thought it would be nice, you know? Dating you. Taking a break from all the pressure of law school. But as the days passed, I found myself wanting more, wanting more than being your conquest. I didn't want to be your conquest. I wanted to be special. And knowing about you, knowing what you do, I decided that what I felt was not going to be good for me when it came to the inevitable end, so I decided to run."
"You wanted to run..."
"I wanted to run away because I didn't want to get hurt," she said gently. "I never thought I was going to hurt you that way, too. And I didn't want that, because try as I may to convince myself that you have the power to hurt me, and that I should hate you for it, I couldn't deny the fact that I fell in love with you."
With that, Hikaru's tears came flooding down his cheeks once again, causing Reiya to gather him in his arms once again. "I don't want to let go," he sobbed into her shoulder. "I don't want to. I don't want to hurt you either."
Reiya was silent as she stroked his hair. Hikaru suddenly pulled away from all that warmth.
"Reiya..." he said through his tears. "Reiya, take me back. Make me your boyfriend again, please. I feel so much for you that I just don't want to be just friends. I don't want that, because I don't want to pull away from all that I feel for you. I don't even know if I could, even." He bit back a sob, making his next words choke in his throat. "I don't know if I can hold onto this, but I promise with all that I have right now that I won't hurt you, that I won't leave you like I did with the others and I will make you happy. I know it won't erase all that I have done, but I want you to know that I would try very hard to change. Please, Reiya. Take me back."
Reiya looked at him, eyes unreadable. The silence between them was so long that Hikaru felt all hope leave his being. She's not going to take me back, and I have to suffer losing something so true because I'm an ass, he thought, trying to make himself look less pathetic in front of him as his gaze dropped to his lap.
He did not expect, though he was hoping for it, to feel Reiya move closer and press their lips together, her lips moving shyly against his own, firm but small, quiet but insistent, and it took Hikaru a few seconds to gather his wits before responding to every kiss pressed against his lips, his fingers moving up to stroke her cheek in the process.
"You don't have to make me happy, you know," she said, eyes shining with tears. "Just knowing that you somehow feel the same way is more than enough."
Hikaru smiled shyly against his mouth. "So does this mean..."
She pulled back slightly to kiss his forehead. "Let me get you some breakfast, okay?"
She stood up from the love seat, bending slightly to retrieve the cup ramen from the floor. She had started to move towards the electric kettle, but he held on to her hand. She looked at his hand, and the lost expression on his face, before smiling (she is the sun, my sun, was the only thing that crossed Hikaru's mind at that moment) at him and bending down to kiss his forehead again. "I'm not going to run anymore okay? I'll be here. Until you want me here."
Hikaru watched the light dance in her eyes and he knew she was telling the truth. He let go, let her walk to the other side of the room.
Watching her figure with his tear-filled eyes, he promised to himself that he was not going to run away from her, too, that he'll be there until she wanted him there.
It was a mutual promise, and Hikaru knew that the future was looking up for both of them.
---
Comments are well-appreciated~ :3
Author: yutorinislove
Pairing: Hikaru x OC
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance
Summary: Yaotome Hikaru does not expect to fall in love with girl who had a smile that was as bright as the sun.
Author’s Note: Warning: HEAVY DRAMA AHEAD. I don’t know what happened here, really. Sorry? ;;
---
It was futile to want more with Yaotome Hikaru. Yaotome Hikaru has a certain pace and rhythm, he goes through girls like go through underwear most of the time. But that doesn't necessarily mean that he gives girls the dog house treatment. It was more than just the opposite. You see, he treats every girl like a princess, gives them everything they could ask for and then some, loves and adores them in such a way that a girl would feel as though they were the rarest gem in the universe, but once he decides that enough was enough, he leaves. There wasn't a forever with Hikaru -- his friends tease him for being such a roaming bachelor, but he does not mind that. He knows he is. He knows he is not one to be tied down, and he revels in that knowledge.
It could have been the completion of many women's dreams if Yaotome Hikaru got back together with an ex-girlfriend. But he did not have such thinking -- for him, once he tells a girl it's over, it's really over. No more discussions, no more negotiations. It was just a matter of him falling out of love. And when he fell out of love, there wasn't getting that love back.
Ever since almost everyone in Mugendai garnered a girlfriend, Hikaru's best friend Yabu had been constantly on his case, badgering him about 'settling down.'
"I'm only twenty-three, that's too young to even think about getting married, Koppi," Hikaru said, tuning his bass strings.
"I'm not talking about getting married. I'm saying, haven't you ever thought about getting serious with the girls you date? Isn't it about time, you know?" Yabu said, clarifying his previous point.
Hikaru shrugged, still wired to tuning his bass. "I don't know, Koppi. I think it's not yet time for me to think about that. I'm really happy about you and Sandra-chan, though."
Yabu just looked at his best friend with a lenient eye. Though Hikaru was childish at times, Yabu never had so much cause to doubt his friend's innate maturity. He just shrugged. "Whatever you say, Hachibee. Whatever you say. Hey. Sandra-chan and I was saying that we want to hang out. You think you and your present girlfriend... what is her name?"
"Sakura."
"Yeah, Sakura-chan. You think you and your girlfriend could make time for Sandra-chan's birthday? It's still a month from now, it shouldn't be much of a hassle."
"I'll talk to her."
"Okay then," Yabu said, mounting his rhythm guitar strap over his shoulder. "Let's go practice?"
---
Yabu knew Hikaru's womanizing was serious when Hikaru came to the Saturday date with not Sakura, but a new girlfriend who went by the name... was it Reiya? Sandra was more than friendly with her, and kept her occupied while Yabu glared daggers at his oldest friend.
Daggers that escaped Hikaru's notice because Hikaru grinned at him with his crooked teeth. "Hey, Koppi. Want some cheesecake?"
---
Hikaru has always known that most of his friends do not approve of his dating patterns. Well, Hikaru would admit that his patterns were not necessarily orthodox, seeing as he was with a different girl more than frequently. It wasn't that Hikaru loved playing with girls. It was more like he liked wanting to make girls smile and have fun while they were with him, because to him, having been able to make them smile and be happy was the biggest boost to his ego that can happen in his life. There wasn't anything wrong with that, right?
He looked at his watch and smiled at his new girlfriend who sat directly in front of him. Studious, almost on the boring side, but definitely a girl with a pretty smile. That was, if the spirit moved her. Hikaru met Fujinami Reiya during one of his rare runs in the public library, a couple of days after he broke up with Sakura. She was with a friend, and they were poring over one of the thickest books in the collection, some kind of heavy stuff for lawyers, Hikaru thought, and it wasn't until she looked up from the book to smile a little at her friend that Hikaru was granted a sight of her smile.
It was simple, but it was so bright, like watching the sunrise. Hikaru didn't like being corny, but for that moment that he saw Reiya there, smiling that smile, Hikaru knew he was hooked. Like all his ventures with women, after a few weeks of talking to her and taking her to 'friendly' dates, Reiya finally agreed to be his girlfriend. And that was in time for Sandra's birthday.
The main reason why Hikaru decided to take Reiya as his girlfriend was that she didn't seem like the type to smile often, and he took that as a challenge. After all, he was joker Hikaru, the one who puts the smiles on most everyone's faces. He took it upon himself to make Reiya smile often.
Which she did during the duration of their getting together. The only difference was that the smiles she gave him wasn't like that one smile that has gotten him hooked. It was more like a polite smile, a smile that she has to put on because she has to, and not because she was genuinely happy.
This anomaly to Hikaru's reputation has baffled him to the point that he was so bothered by it for it to be even called an insult. Nobody, but nobody who became Hikaru's girlfriend never had to pretend to be happy! They had to be genuinely happy, Hikaru made sure of that!
"Ne, Reiya-chan," he said as he sipped his coffee, smiling warmly at the girl who looked up for once from her books. "You seem so busy nowadays."
"Yeah, I am," she said apologetically. She was a university student at the same university Keito and Yuto study in, and Hikaru knows for a fact, considering how hard both his band mates were working with keeping up with their studies, that that university was pretty heavy stuff. The fact that she was studying law didn't help either way. "I'm sorry, it's just because we have this pretty large exam coming on and -- "
"No need to apologize, Reiya-chan, really, I understand," Hikaru said, looking into her eyes. He reached over the table to ruffle her hair. "Ganbatte ne?"
And it was like the sun had peeked out of the clouds again when she smiled -- not the fake smile, the smile she was putting on for show -- but the same smile that had gotten Hikaru hooked on her the first time he saw her. "Ganbarimasu."
Hikaru smiled wider, feeling his chest constrict with what he wanted to label as pride at having been able to make her smile like he wanted to. The only problem was that he knew what the feeling of pride was, and it did not really encompass what kind of confusion was in his chest.
---
Sometimes Hikaru can't help but be proud that his girlfriend wasn't like his band mates’ girlfriends, or his other girlfriends. Reiya does not drop by to say hello like Sandra (well, she has an excuse -- she was covering their gigs and had to interview them before and after performances), but does not let herself be someone unknown among his friends (like Yuya's girlfriend whose name they still don't know until now, does not tease and take pleasure in teasing her boyfriend like Aki was to Yuto (but that was, admittedly, what made the two's relationship adorable). She does not send cutesy mails that threaten not to look at any other girl during performances like one of his ex-girlfriends, most probably because she knew that not looking at any other girl during performances was not only impossible in his line of work, it was also against his sworn duty as Yaotome Hikaru, the roaming bachelor. There was the comfort of knowing that Reiya, unlike his ex-girlfriends, knew that she was going to be replaced, and she accepted that, wholly accepted that, and is just enjoying what time Hikaru was prepared to give her. It was comfortable, that knowledge.
That was the things Hikaru liked telling himself when he enters the backstage some days to see that his friends have someone fussing over them, while he had none.
---
It was the time that he has gone drinking with his friends from high school that he has begun to doubt all the things he told himself. Ayukawa Taiyou had just broken up with his girlfriend, and Yabu and Yamashita Shoon had decided that Taiyou needed a break and take him partying to keep his mind off things. On that end, they failed because Taiyou wasn't much of a partygoer, and just two bottles of beer has gotten him really, really drunk that the night was still young when they camped inside Taiyou's apartment for the night.
"Remind me never to get Taiyou to party, ever again," Shoon said, massaging his temples as he puttered around the apartment to get Taiyou some headache pills. Yabu chuckled and followed the oldest member of their troupe out of the room.
Hikaru laughed at Shoon and Yabu's attempts to get their heartbroken friend comfortable in his living room. Then he turned to Taiyou who was lying still, eyes scrunched tightly closed, mumbling things to himself. "Oi, Taiyou," he said, lying beside the taller guy on the carpet. "How are you feeling?"
"Horrible," Taiyou said. "I don't understand why she wanted to break up. I did everything for her, you know? Just genuinely wanted to make her happy -- what couldn't she see in me that she could see in someone else?"
Hikaru turned to lie on his stomach, propping his chin with his left hand. "I guess the excitement has faded in your relationship."
"Ha-ha. Thanks for making me feel better, Hikaru. You're not helping," Taiyou slurred, glaring through slit eyes. Then he looked away. "Humor me, all right? You have a girlfriend, don't you?"
"When did I ever lack one?" Hikaru laughed.
"Tell me... tell me about her, what is she like? I really don't understand how girls could still enjoy being with you with the thought that you're just going to break up with them someday."
Hikaru ignored his last sentence and proceeded to tell him about Reiya. "She's really smart, you know. Freshman at law school, got in a year early. She also has a very, very pretty smile, sort of like the sun when it appears, golden bright... oh, have I ever told you how her fingers look when they flip the pages of a book? They're so slender and tiny, you'd think they belong to a pixie. You should see how hard she works, okay. She's marvelous. She could stay up the whole night if she needs to, and I just hope she doesn't overwork herself or anything..."
"Hikaru, wait, hold up," Taiyou said, and Hikaru thought that maybe his drunk brain had slowed its processes for a bit.
"Hm?"
"Are you in love with her?" Taiyou asked, eyes opening to focus on Hikaru's incredulous face.
"Of course not," Hikaru denied. Where did Taiyou get that preposterous idea?
"'Cause," Taiyou said, leaning his head to one side, "all you could talk about was how awesome she is, and unlike the other times with your other girlfriends, you never talked once about how in love she is with you."
"I don't know, man," Taiyou said, closing his eyes yet again. "This time must be really different because it isn't the girl that fell for you. It's you who fell for the girl."
---
Hikaru spent a sleepless night trying to forget what Taiyou had said of him. OF course he was not in love, he thought as he twiddled his thumbs as he sat on a park bench, waiting for Reiya to come. They always spent Wednesday afternoons together, after his part-time job at the sushi restaurant let out and after her classes ended at the university.
She was running late, which was so unlike her, but Hikaru was prepared to wait.
He has never been prepared to wait for anyone in his life.
What was it with Fujinami Reiya that has changed him?
"Sorry, class let out later than expected, I would have texted but I ran out of cell phone credit," Reiya said, rushing g towards where Hikaru was sitting. She tried to catch her breath and Hikaru smiled as he stood up, running his hand across her back to help her calm herself down.
"You didn't have to hurry -- I'm free for the whole day, anyway," Hikaru said as he let his hand go up to rest on the crown of her head. "How was school today?"
"Went great, thanks," she said, smiling up at him.
At the brightening of her face caused by that sunrise smile, Hikaru felt himself smile, too, and he unconsciously began to ruffle her hair. "Great to hear."
"What are we going to do today?" Reiya asked as she fixed her hair out of her eyes.
"Hm. It's a secret," he said, his heart beating faster with every passing second.
They ended up spending the entire day in an amusement park, playing like children and ultimately having fun -- assignments and homeworks and band practices forgotten because they were having too much fun to even think about what was going to happen next.
Hikaru gave Reiya a sidelong glance as they stood beside the carousel, watching the painted wooden horses turn round and round. Watching her profile as she smiled at the children there, Hikaru decided that if he really is in love with Fujinami Reiya, then, he wouldn't mind staying in love with her.
If being in love meant being so happy just staying here like this, then, he wouldn't mind being in love.
---
"Break up with me, Hikaru."
Hikaru looked up from his coffee, eyes wide, at Reiya who sat across him. He had gone to the cafe by her request, and he had decided to humor her, since she rarely asked for anything. That, and the fact that he didn't have anything to do. And wasn't that the point of getting girlfriends? Having someone occupy your free times?
Thinking he must have misheard, he cocked his head to the side. "What?"
"Break up with me," Reiya repeated, looking up from her law books. She must have gone straight from university, the way that she still had her university sweater on. Her eyes were serious as she regarded Hikaru. "We're going to break up anyway, so I figured we do it now, before my exams come up."
If people called him heartless for breaking many girls' hearts with his dating patterns, it was only in this moment that Hikaru knew what it felt like to be in the shoes of the girls he broke up with. The calculating tone of voice, the pokerfaced expression, the slap of reality with each word.
For a moment Hikaru felt his heart clench at the thought that Reiya had thought about not lasting forever with Hikaru. For a moment Hikaru contemplated demanding Reiya stay for longer to prove to her that, yes, they could.
But Hikaru was Hikaru, and he knew that asking Reiya that would be much similar to begging. And in relationships, Hikaru never did the begging. The girls he broke up with did.
So he looked at Reiya with a cool eye and said over his coffee, "Is that so?"
"Yeah," Reiya said. "Your reputation is quite well-known, you know," she smiled at him, warm but wry. "So I thought it was better to end it here than wait for the time that you would think it's appropriate to end it."
"I think that's a nice idea," Hikaru said, his chest clenching with very word coming out from Reiya's mouth, the pain making him want to hurt her back, emotionally, physically, whatever. "This relationship wasn't going anywhere anyway."
"So you agree?" Reiya asked, eyes unreadable as they looked at Hikaru.
"It's not as if we love each other," Hikaru smiled, wondering how and why he still had the heart to smile when all his heart wanted to do was break and be squeezed dry. "Right?"
Reiya cast him a skeptic look -- but he would not look weak in front of her. No, no -- so he smiled. "We'll still be friends," he said easily, the one-liner that always ended his other relationships. I don't want to be friends.
---
The following day was a gig day. These gigs of theirs were increasing in frequency, and everyone were fairly tired and excited at the same time. Usually, he was one of the first ones to complain about the doghouse treatment when it came to schedules being more tightly packed as they already were. Usually Hikaru was somewhat of a balance, knowing when to be hyper and mild in order to assist Yabu with being able to manage the group better.
The Hikaru that everyone saw that gig was so much different. Drinking before a performance wasn't forbidden (Yabu knew how alcohol can help boost a performance), but excessive drinking was, to the point of being drunk. And that was what happened to Hikaru. Hikaru was definitely one glass of vodka away from getting really drunk.
Yabu had tried to approach him, but the moment that he did, the gig had to start. And Hikaru could still stand and sing and play the bass without forgetting any of the notes.
"Is he still okay?" Yuya asked, roused from his performance sleepiness, eyes trained on Hikaru as he gave his bass and drum duet with Yuto.
"I guess, he still seems articulate," Yabu said. "But we have to keep him away from alcohol from now on."
"What happened to him, though?" Kei asked, looking concerned as well. They have never seen Hikaru spin out of control like this before -- Hikaru was normally flirtatious with his audience, but not, never like this.
"Taiyou talked to him before this performance... and he said there might be some trouble with him and Reiya-chan," Yabu said as he looked around the backstage for Hikaru's phone. "I think we need to call her help for this case."
---
Hikaru could vaguely remember downing countless numbers of margaritas by the bar, could scarcely recall stripping off his shirt and nearly breaking his bass when he threw it to the corner. He could barely recall the many hands that tried to keep him seated on his seat in the backstage.
But he could definitely remember the face of that one girl he could testify had broken his heart. He could remember the slight wrinkle of concern on her brow as she pressed a wet cloth on his forehead.
"I don't understand why you would do that," she scolded softly.
"I didn't -- "
"Shh. We'll talk tomorrow, okay? Sleep, Hikaru," she said gently, threading her slender fingers through his hair and continuously ran the cloth over his forehead, the motion slowly lulling him to sleep. "It's okay, Hikaru, go to sleep, it's going to be okay."
---
The sunlight filtered through the practice room windows, tickling Hikaru's closed eyelids open until Hikaru was squinting at his surroundings. It took him a few moments to register where he was, and another few moments to remember why he was there.
He was in the practice room, and he had gotten himself really, really drunk last night, if he was going to judge by the forming headache that he knew would threaten to split his skull open judging from the niggling pains that he was already experiencing.
"Ahh," he moaned as he tried to lift himself up from the red love seat.
"Don't move too much, you might upset your stomach," called a voice that he never thought he'd never hear again speaking at him with such gentleness. He weakly tried to swivel his head towards the direction of the voice and saw Reiya enter the practice room with a plastic bag from the nearby convenience store in tow. She made her way towards him, a small smile on her face.
"Reiya," he said, voice cracking from underuse.
"You overdid yourself last night," she said, handing him a bottle of water. "Come on, eat up before I give you some aspirin."
Hikaru watched her as she brought out a cup of instant ramen from the plastic bag, then watched her look around for somewhere she could take hot water from. Maybe it was the alcohol, undigested in his stomach, or maybe it was the longing, that instilled the panic of losing her again in his heart. He watched as her eyes alighted on the electric kettle on the other side of the room, watched as she tried to slowly get up.
"Don't go."
She looked back at him, chuckling lightly. "I was just going to -- "
"I don't want to break up, Reiya," he said, tears gathering in his eyes. "I don't want to let go. Taiyou told me, you know. He told me how awesome it is to be in love. I felt that with you -- the constant happiness and wanting to be happy all the time, the not having to please anyone all the time.
"I think I love you, Reiya. Isn't that worth anything? You were happy with me, weren't you? Do you really want to walk away from it all?" he said, barely getting those words out before he burst into big fat tears. "Tell me what I have to do and I'll do it. Just don't... just take me back. Please, Reiya, please."
There was a silence, interrupted only by Hikaru's sobs that nearly grew too loud for the room. Hikaru felt so, so cold. So, so cold until he felt Reiya's arms envelop him in an embrace.
"Shh, don't cry," she murmured into his ear, and Hikaru looked up to see that she was teary, too. "I never thought I'd see this day, you know? You telling me that you love me. I never thought that you'd fall for me, you know. That was the reason why I wanted to break up -- I didn't want to fall so deeply because I always thought that it will not last."
He looked at her, even though he regretted having to pull back slightly from her embrace. "What?"
"I know about you, Hikaru. I know how fast you get through your girlfriends," Reiya admitted, laying the cup noodles on the floor and climbing on the love seat beside him. She turned to him, sifting through his brown hair with her fingers, her teary gaze holding his own. "At first I thought it would be nice, you know? Dating you. Taking a break from all the pressure of law school. But as the days passed, I found myself wanting more, wanting more than being your conquest. I didn't want to be your conquest. I wanted to be special. And knowing about you, knowing what you do, I decided that what I felt was not going to be good for me when it came to the inevitable end, so I decided to run."
"You wanted to run..."
"I wanted to run away because I didn't want to get hurt," she said gently. "I never thought I was going to hurt you that way, too. And I didn't want that, because try as I may to convince myself that you have the power to hurt me, and that I should hate you for it, I couldn't deny the fact that I fell in love with you."
With that, Hikaru's tears came flooding down his cheeks once again, causing Reiya to gather him in his arms once again. "I don't want to let go," he sobbed into her shoulder. "I don't want to. I don't want to hurt you either."
Reiya was silent as she stroked his hair. Hikaru suddenly pulled away from all that warmth.
"Reiya..." he said through his tears. "Reiya, take me back. Make me your boyfriend again, please. I feel so much for you that I just don't want to be just friends. I don't want that, because I don't want to pull away from all that I feel for you. I don't even know if I could, even." He bit back a sob, making his next words choke in his throat. "I don't know if I can hold onto this, but I promise with all that I have right now that I won't hurt you, that I won't leave you like I did with the others and I will make you happy. I know it won't erase all that I have done, but I want you to know that I would try very hard to change. Please, Reiya. Take me back."
Reiya looked at him, eyes unreadable. The silence between them was so long that Hikaru felt all hope leave his being. She's not going to take me back, and I have to suffer losing something so true because I'm an ass, he thought, trying to make himself look less pathetic in front of him as his gaze dropped to his lap.
He did not expect, though he was hoping for it, to feel Reiya move closer and press their lips together, her lips moving shyly against his own, firm but small, quiet but insistent, and it took Hikaru a few seconds to gather his wits before responding to every kiss pressed against his lips, his fingers moving up to stroke her cheek in the process.
"You don't have to make me happy, you know," she said, eyes shining with tears. "Just knowing that you somehow feel the same way is more than enough."
Hikaru smiled shyly against his mouth. "So does this mean..."
She pulled back slightly to kiss his forehead. "Let me get you some breakfast, okay?"
She stood up from the love seat, bending slightly to retrieve the cup ramen from the floor. She had started to move towards the electric kettle, but he held on to her hand. She looked at his hand, and the lost expression on his face, before smiling (she is the sun, my sun, was the only thing that crossed Hikaru's mind at that moment) at him and bending down to kiss his forehead again. "I'm not going to run anymore okay? I'll be here. Until you want me here."
Hikaru watched the light dance in her eyes and he knew she was telling the truth. He let go, let her walk to the other side of the room.
Watching her figure with his tear-filled eyes, he promised to himself that he was not going to run away from her, too, that he'll be there until she wanted him there.
It was a mutual promise, and Hikaru knew that the future was looking up for both of them.
---
Comments are well-appreciated~ :3