'cause it's angst, and angst is like, <3
Title: How to Save a Life
Author: Hikari (yutorinislove)
Genre: Angst, Friendship
Rating: PG-13 (there is one swear word)
Summary: He was perfect, and now he is gone.
Author’s Note: This is so darn hard to write. I just can’t picture Yuto doing all this stuff in real life.
Warning: Character death and grammatical errors. Also, weird plotlines. :3
Perfect facades normally hide the brokenness of the person inside.
Take for example, him. He shone. He was the best student there was: always friendly, always polite, always a cheerful, hyperactive young man when everybody he met considered him adorable and just one of the best.
He was the best there is, in short. (Even his best friend Ryosuke says so, and Ryosuke is his chief rival in school.)
He was everything good. He made everything move in happy colors, because he was the center of everything. Every day, I’d look at him, seated two seats in front of me in class, and study his laughing profile, and know that it was his smile that made everything turn in this world, that made everything brighter.
He was perfect.
And I believed that.
I believed that wholeheartedly until I saw the barely-noticeable ugly red marks on his wrist.
But though it put doubt in my mind that he, Nakajima Yuto, who was happy and charming and fucking perfect, it never occurred to me that there must be something very wrong with him. It never occurred to me that one day, his smiles would forever disappear.
It never occurred to me that if it kept up, if all those red marks and lines and scars on his wrists grew uglier, worse, this bright, shining young man who made everything around him brighter, better, would disappear.
But who was I to help? Though he was friendly with everyone, he and I weren’t close, and I didn’t want to be presumptuous. I certainly didn’t know much! Who was I to offer help?
If he needed help, I would be the last person he’d ever ask help from.
Besides, whenever I saw him in class, whenever I saw him laughing and talking and exchanging stories with his best friends, whenever I saw him attending to the needs of his classmates, whenever he smiled and waved “good morning” and “goodbye”, I assured myself that maybe what I saw was an illusion. Maybe I dreamed it all up.
God knew how many nights I wished I had just dreamed it all up.
Calm down, I remember telling myself every day. Calm down. As long as he comes to class he’s safe. As long as he comes to class, he’s alive.
One day he didn’t come to class.
Calm down, maybe he’s just sick, I told myself, though my heart was pounding hard in my chest. Calm down… calm down… calm down.
When news of him having committed suicide engulfed the school the very next day, I was literally in a daze. I couldn’t believe it true, I told myself that it was all a mistake, that he just couldn’t do that - he just couldn’t kill himself. I kept repeating that in my head on the way to the auditorium where the entire faculty decided to hold a service for the departed top student.
I kept trying to convince myself that it wasn’t true. But deep inside… deep inside I knew he could. I could have done something to stop it, but I didn’t do anything.
Never again would the world see him walk the hallways with a ready smile and a listening ear.
Never again would the world see such perfection.
I could have done something to change that. I could have tried to save his life. I could have asked him what’s wrong and spared this entire auditorium filled with the people he has touched in his life the sorrow of having lost him.
There was a time when his single smile could light up an entire room and charm hearts and never give them back again.
But all that is done.
He is gone.
+++
Kinda depressed. It's hard acting all happy when inside you're just screaming. I just had to write this. :3
Comments are loved! :3
Author: Hikari (yutorinislove)
Genre: Angst, Friendship
Rating: PG-13 (there is one swear word)
Summary: He was perfect, and now he is gone.
Author’s Note: This is so darn hard to write. I just can’t picture Yuto doing all this stuff in real life.
Warning: Character death and grammatical errors. Also, weird plotlines. :3
Perfect facades normally hide the brokenness of the person inside.
Take for example, him. He shone. He was the best student there was: always friendly, always polite, always a cheerful, hyperactive young man when everybody he met considered him adorable and just one of the best.
He was the best there is, in short. (Even his best friend Ryosuke says so, and Ryosuke is his chief rival in school.)
He was everything good. He made everything move in happy colors, because he was the center of everything. Every day, I’d look at him, seated two seats in front of me in class, and study his laughing profile, and know that it was his smile that made everything turn in this world, that made everything brighter.
He was perfect.
And I believed that.
I believed that wholeheartedly until I saw the barely-noticeable ugly red marks on his wrist.
But though it put doubt in my mind that he, Nakajima Yuto, who was happy and charming and fucking perfect, it never occurred to me that there must be something very wrong with him. It never occurred to me that one day, his smiles would forever disappear.
It never occurred to me that if it kept up, if all those red marks and lines and scars on his wrists grew uglier, worse, this bright, shining young man who made everything around him brighter, better, would disappear.
But who was I to help? Though he was friendly with everyone, he and I weren’t close, and I didn’t want to be presumptuous. I certainly didn’t know much! Who was I to offer help?
If he needed help, I would be the last person he’d ever ask help from.
Besides, whenever I saw him in class, whenever I saw him laughing and talking and exchanging stories with his best friends, whenever I saw him attending to the needs of his classmates, whenever he smiled and waved “good morning” and “goodbye”, I assured myself that maybe what I saw was an illusion. Maybe I dreamed it all up.
God knew how many nights I wished I had just dreamed it all up.
Calm down, I remember telling myself every day. Calm down. As long as he comes to class he’s safe. As long as he comes to class, he’s alive.
One day he didn’t come to class.
Calm down, maybe he’s just sick, I told myself, though my heart was pounding hard in my chest. Calm down… calm down… calm down.
When news of him having committed suicide engulfed the school the very next day, I was literally in a daze. I couldn’t believe it true, I told myself that it was all a mistake, that he just couldn’t do that - he just couldn’t kill himself. I kept repeating that in my head on the way to the auditorium where the entire faculty decided to hold a service for the departed top student.
I kept trying to convince myself that it wasn’t true. But deep inside… deep inside I knew he could. I could have done something to stop it, but I didn’t do anything.
Never again would the world see him walk the hallways with a ready smile and a listening ear.
Never again would the world see such perfection.
I could have done something to change that. I could have tried to save his life. I could have asked him what’s wrong and spared this entire auditorium filled with the people he has touched in his life the sorrow of having lost him.
There was a time when his single smile could light up an entire room and charm hearts and never give them back again.
But all that is done.
He is gone.
+++
Kinda depressed. It's hard acting all happy when inside you're just screaming. I just had to write this. :3
Comments are loved! :3