MY FIRST FANFIC~!

[yuulovesme]

New Year, New Beginning

Title : New Year, New Beginning

Author : yuulovesme

Pairing : Tezuka and Fuji

Summary : no one can find Fuji except Tezuka’s love.

(don’t know how to make summary.>.<)

Note: this is the first time I will post my fanfics, so I hope you all like it.

Please review~!

Comments

[a1y_puff]

Hello~ I see you finally enjoyed LJ yeah? :'D

Aaaanyway, it's nice to see you finally write! You'll be even better as you write more and more *huuugs*

Now onto the fic. I have a few...criticism, and I hope you don't get offended with what I'm about to say. This is because I'm sure you can get better, yes? :'D

First, grammar. I think you should find a beta ^^;
there are typos and grammatical errors throughout the fic. Also, you kept switching between past tense and present tense. You might want to look it over and decide whether to use past tense or present tense, although for writing past tense is easier :)

Second is the--characterization. ^^;;;
Fuji is beautiful, yes. And yes, he could look like a girl but--I don't think Fuji will actually be happy when someone say he looks like a girl. He's still a boy, and we all know boys have this stupid thing called 'pride', yeah? And I see Fuji as a proud person, too. So I think he wouldn't let himself be dressed up as a girl, complete with make up like lip gloss and all. Unless, of course

[yuulovesme]

Ai-Neechan~!

Oh! Yes! Yes! I am really having Fun~!! i didn't know LJ is this fun..hehehe ^^,

Actually, Neechan, i didn't get offended, but instead, i feel very very happy and grateful, because you told me all of my errors. hehehehe. I'm happy that you are saying these things to me, I'm grateful that you cared how i write and support me. Thank you very much!

It means a lot to me! ^^,

Hahaha! I'm still lack of knowledge in writing, but i think errors can help me correct them and learn, ne? hehehe

I wrote this for only 3 days, so there's no doubt that it has so many errors.

about the WAS that i change into IS, actually, on my original copy its WAS, not is.. i don't know what i did..>.< hehehe, i shouldn't have change that.. (is that what you are referring on the past and present thing?)

Yes! i think i should have done what Ryu-Neechan said, to get a beta reader. i don't have the time, 'coz it's already 1am when i finish typing it, but next time! i would definitely get on! hehehe

I'm still an amateur in writing.>.< lol

[demonessryu]

Congrats for the first fic! The story is kind of abrupt but it's nice for a first fic! Keep writing!

This line is a little random though:
‘Fuji, where are you?! Why don’t you show your face to me?! Just show up to me, and I promise, I’ll never leave your side, forever.’ Tezuka is really worried.
They're not together yet, are they? I just feel the 'I'll never leave your side, forever' part is too fast for their relationship/situation.

Oh, and can you put this entry behind LJ cut? I don't really mind but it might fill up other people's friends page. Here's a link on how to use it:
http://www.livejournal.com/support/faqbrowse.bml?faqid=75

And cross-post it to PoT communities for more comments! ^^

[yuulovesme]

Thank you very much Ryu-Neechan~
I will, so are you!

Hehehehe, yeah, they weren't together. I don't know how to make Tezuka err-- worried, so i just wrote that line..>.< hihihih

Oh! i wil!! ^^,

Where can i find it?

Thanks again Ryu-Neechan~!!!!

[demonessryu]

I don't know how to put links here so I'll just post the communities' names. Hehe.... Tezukafuji, 4_d_luv_of_fuji, tenipuri_yaoi, and potfics. Those are the comms I usually post to, but you can search LJ for more! Don't forget to read the comm's rules to avoid problem with moderators ^^

[yuulovesme]

err.. oh okay.. but can you help me with that? >.