All of my Memories Keep You Here...
I know, I know, I'm not playing that song, but I felt like titling my post after that song's lyrics, okay?!
Me and some friends took a trip down to my junior high. It was loads and loads of fun. Not "fun" in the sense of last night (and I'll get to that later). More like "fun" in the sense of "thinking your trip is cleared with the office but it's not and then calling your old drama teacher because you're like, BFF with his daughter and then sneaking in the side door". xD;;
But it was like, we walked in the door and I felt so... young again. Like the sweet, innocent child I was when I first went there. So much as changed, I couldn't help but be totally in awe. And... the Emotional Ninja Warrior continues~! The Ultimate Test of Strength, Willpower and Faith in God!
However. (And this is where the icon comes in to play.)
My junior high experience was anything but positive. I got a horrible reminder of that last night, and even though it made me realize how great things are for me now... but there, in the picture of what "darkness" used to mean for my life... I felt at home. Even though I've said several times how I'm so far past "moved on" that I've lapped it for the second time... even though I've said, "That place is not my home"... I felt comfy there. Even though it was hell, junior high was the same routine every day: Crawl out of bed wanting to get out of this rut my life is in, get dressed hoping the person who inadvertently controls my life likes my outfit, fix my hair in a way that looks casual but still dressy, go to school, have a sword over my head all day, rant about it after school, go home and do absolutely nothing until it's time to go to bed. Now it's like: Pop out of bed all sparkly, do my hair however works for that day, throw some clothes on that I feel like wearing, and go to school with my sister. But once I get to school, I don't know what's gonna happen. I just know that I have eight hours of classes, two and a half hours of golf right after that, then it's straight home, dinner, shower, homework, bed. But what happens during those time periods? I always had some idea in junior high. Now I have no clue.
So there, in the darkest parts of my life, at least I knew what my life is. Things are going so good right now that I don't want to believe it, I don't want to get all excited about it, because the way my life works, it'll come down eventually and something I care about will get taken away from me. Like yearbook, or golf. Or, God forbid, Japanese. I don't know what the future holds. Only God knows, and I accept that. But I can't help but doubt... I thought junior high was going great until it became what it was.
But, the past is the past. I don't like facing it, but I will face it- wiht poise and an Aizen-like smile, because guess what? I have a boyfriend who adores me. I have the love of God protecting me. I have an insanely sharp wit, so I can make a joke out of almost anything if the need arises. So. If my past comes up and rears it's ugly head, I'll turn and walk away. Pretend to be occupied. Whatever works. Because I HAVE JESUS, and this. Is. JUSTICE!!! xD
Going for a walk now... it's a very pretty day...