[Arashi Fanfic] Blue - Chapter 16
And so, they meet again...
Yuuki walked out of Johnny's office, feeling more uneasy than ever. Though the issue of the shares had, to an extent, been resolved, another issue-no, person- nagged her mind.
Aiba.
She tried not to think about him, but it was difficult, knowing that she was, in a way, at his workplace. The chances of running into him was higher than ever, and that was the last thing she wanted.
It wasn't so much that Yuuki didn't want to see Aiba, ever again; more a case of complete and utter underpreparation on her part. She didn't know what she'd say to him, how she should act; which was why she chose to run and hide, rather than facing him directly.
Could she avoid him now? She knew that she would have to face him sometime; the only question was when.
Covering half of her face with an oversized pair of sunglasses, she hoped that with her new short boyish haircut, and much thinner face, she would be unnoticed by anyone who should know her. She had almost made it to the taxi rank when a voice called out.
"Yuuki-chan?"
Instinctively, she stopped and turned towards the voice. Immediately she regretted the action: if she had just taken one more step, and ignored the call, she would've been on the next taxi by the time the person caught up with her. Her mind froze, and reeled; her eyes and brows furrowed into a deep frown, as the bitter taste of dread rose from the pits of her stomach to the cavity of her mouth.
Thankfully, it was not Aiba she saw; standing uncharacteristically dumbfounded, it was Nino who had called out her name. Nonetheless, she froze, like a deer caught by headlights; she did not even protest as he pulled her into a nearby café.
Nino had a million questions for Yuuki, yet he didn't know where to start. Yuuki, on the other hand, sat resolutely in her chair, her head lowered, her gaze fixed on invisible specks of dust on her black dress pants.
"Yuuki-chan."
His tone was a little reprimanding, but had more concern and worry: the Yuuki sitting opposite him was not the Yuuki he knew from two years ago. Something had changed about her: she lost the life, the energy, the sparkle, that had once defined her.
"Oi, Yuuki-chan," He tried again. "Yuuki!"
She looked up, her brown eyes filled with guilt. Almost immediately they were lowered again.
"I'm sorry."
Her lips barely moved, and her voice inaudible; yet Nino managed to hear her words. "What happened, Yuuki-chan?"
She shook her head, and apologised, in that same soft voice, again. "I'm sorry, Nino."
"Why didn't we hear from you, after the time we got back from Canada?"
"I'm sorry, Nino. I'm really sorry."
"Was it the photos?" He tried again, determined to get answers. "Did Johnny show you the photos?"
She shook her head, and remained silent. Nino's unease only increased.
"Did Johnny threaten you or something?"
Yuuki smiled sadly, and shook her head again.
"Paparazzi? Reporters?" Nino was beginning to lose his patience now. "Aiba's stupidity finally getting on your nerves?"
"No, it wasn't that."
"Then what the hell was it?" Nino was losing his patience now. Who would've thought that of all the women associated with Arashi, Yuuki would be the one causing him frustration?
"I'm probably the stupidest person who ever lived, Nino." She said quietly, "The stupidest person who ever lived."
"The second-most stupid, Yuuki. I believe the title of most stupid person ever belongs to our own Aibaka."
She gave a small chuckle, before her tone changed back to one of utmost despair.
"Aibaka…" Her voice trailed, as sadness washed over. "I don't deserve him, Nino." "I don't, not after what happened…"
"Whatever it was, or is, I'm sure it wasn't your fault."
"Of course it was my fault! I should've known earlier! Then I wouldn't have been so careless, and it wouldn't have happened!" Yuuki cried, surprising Nino. "I've seen how much he likes kids, Nino. I know how much he wants one. And it… it…"
Yuuki's voice faded, and she burst into tears. Nino sat opposite her, completely at a loss, his mind unable to process what Yuuki had just conveyed.
"Wait, Yuuki, you… you were pregnant? With Aiba's kid?"
Yuuki nodded, tearfully confessing, through that single gesture, the unfortunate truth.
He hadn't expected this piece of information from Yuuki at all: that while they were occupied with the case, she had miscarried a baby. Nino was dumbfounded to say the least, as the reason Yuuki's current behaviour became clear. He could only stare at the normally courageous young woman as she wept quietly opposite him.
"Gomen… I had no idea." It took Nino almost an eternity before he regained the ability to speak. "If I had know…If any of us knew…"
"Then you would've acted differently? I know. I'm sure you guys would have done that." Yuuki replied. "But that wasn't how things unfurled, was it? Don't you think it's a little late to talk like this? There's no use crying over spilt milk, Nino."
"You're right, it's too late for that now." Nino agreed, reluctantly. "But Yuuki-chan, don't you think you should at least talk to Aiba?"
Yuuki stared silently at the now-cold coffee before her, and made no answer.
"He hasn't said anything about it, but he does think about you. All the time."
Yuuki bit her lip, before whispering, "I should go now. I need to go back to the office."
With that, she stood, and made her way to the door. Nino pulled out a few bills and left them on the table, before following her out.
" Yuuki-chan," Nino continued, almost begging, "You've really got to talk to Aiba. He's totally not himself. He needs you, Yuuki!"
That was the final straw; and Yuuki exploded. "Aiba made a choice, Nino. He had a choice, and he chose to comfort Hikari without so much as a single thought for me, or my feelings. Don't you understand?"
"And he had good reason to, Yuuki-chan. If you knew what we knew at the time-"
"But I didn't! How was I supposed to understand if no one's willing to tell me what's going on? Do you have any idea how much it hurts to be kept in the dark, then be told that someone you love is hurting you, with good reason, but they can't tell you why?" Yuuki cried. "Because that's what I went through. That's what I'm going through right now. And it hurts, Nino. It hurts a lot. It really does."
"Gomen." Nino apologised, "I had no idea-"
"No, there's no need to apologise." Yuuki answered, with a sad smile. "Call me a coward, but I just wanted to get away. I'm not a saint, Nino-chan. As much as I want to be with Aiba, I can only bear so much. I'm just like any other selfish human being, Nino. And when I've been hurt, my first instinct is to get away and lick my wounds."
"Ja, what are you planning to do now?"
"I'm leaving once the training course finishes." She replied, her eyes downcast. "I'm sorry Nino, I really can't take any more. I guess… I guess I really wasn't cut out to be the pillar of support Aiba needs."
With that, Yuuki started to walk away, before a hand grabbed her wrist.
"Please, Nino," Yuuki begged, "Just let me go."
"No." The voice replied. Yuuki froze; it only took a single syllable for her to realise who it was. "I'm not letting you get away again, Yuuki."
Aiba's other arm instinctively wrapped itself around her waist, pulling Yuuki into his embrace. He had missed her so much, her smile, her voice, her laugh… He buried his face into the crook of her neck, drinking in her floral amber scent, a scent which should never have left his side.
It happened all too suddenly. Yuuki merely stood there, her mind completely blank, as Aiba hugged her, tightly, not wanting to let go. For a flicker of a second she wanted to stay like that, in his arms… then the memories came flooding back. The heartache. The fear and desperation. And…the baby.
Yuuki spun around, and exploded. "Who on earth do you think you are, Aiba Masaki? How dare you?"
"Yuuki, if you could just let me explain-"
"Explain? What's there to explain?" Yuuki laughed drily. She tried to stay strong, and stick to her resolve, but every word uttered was a sharp knife stabbing into her heart.
"I…" Aiba stuttered. "I'm sorry, Yuuki."
"You're sorry? Is that all?" Yuuki cried. "Do you have any idea what happened during the past few months? What I went through? My grandmother died, Aiba. She was my closest family and friend. I was in so much shock that I-"
Yuuki couldn't continue. She couldn't tell him, from her own mouth, about what happened. The memory was still too fresh, too raw… and much too painful.
"And where were you when I needed you most?" She said bitterly. "Where were you? You weren't by my side, Aiba. You were with Hikari the entire time, weren't you?"
"But I can explain-"
"You slept with her, didn't you?"
Aiba stood, surprised and unable to speak. "I-"
"I saw her, Aiba. I saw Hikari running out of your apartment. At six in the morning." Yuuki said, icily. "There's no need to explain or deny anything, Aiba."
"I…" Aiba stammered, "I'm…so sorry, Yuuki. I really-"
"Don't you think it's a little late though?" Yuuki swallowed her tears. "Do you have any idea what I went through while you were with Hikari?"
Aiba stood there, motionless, his body filled with a sense of dread, as he saw nothing but despair and pain in Yuuki's eyes.
"I lost a baby." She tried her hardest to keep her voice as calm and cold as possible. "Our baby, Aiba."
Aiba was speechless.
"I thought things were going well for us, Aiba. Why didn't you contact me after that explosion? I was waiting, you know. I thought…" Yuuki choked. She couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. She took a deep breath, and tried to control herself.
"Hikari came back before the explosion, didn't she?"
Aiba nodded. He was, no doubt, still in shock. "I… I'm so sorry Yuuki, I had no idea-"
"Of course you don't, Aiba. I guess your mind was completely preoccupied with Hikari, once you knew about her situation." Yuuki bit back her words, knowing well that if she continued, only bitterness would come out."Do you still remember that promise you made at the airport? That you'd let me know if ever you fell out of love with me? I was waiting for that, Aiba. That was your chance. Yet you never took it, you didn't even bother to drop me a line, telling me not to wait. What was I supposed to do? Wait for you to come around, like a fool? All I asked for was just a line, a word, something to tell me that it wasn't working out for one of us. That was all."
"Gomen ne, Yuuki," Aiba apologised, as tears streamed down his face. "I know what I did was unforgivable-"
"I'm not blaming you, Aiba. Obviously you knew something I didn't, and your actions and decisions were based on that. Look, I'm trying to save my last bit of my dignity and pride, so if you'll just let me go-"
"No! I'm not letting you go!" The words shocked Yuuki; she froze, before fury took over.
"That's it, Aiba Masaki. That's it." Anger fumed through her, as she faced him, and lashed out. "I'm not your backup girl, Aiba. I have my own life too. And you've already ruined a part of it. For God's sake, I lost a baby, Aiba. A baby. Is that not enough pain and suffering? Fine, enough about that. I just want to move on, Aiba. Can't you let me do even that? I'll be out of your life, and you can go back to Hikari-"
"But I love you, Yuuki. Not Hikari." Aiba pleaded. "Hikari doesn't love me: she loves Sho. It has always been that way, and always will. Just like how I love you."