Editorial: Brand-Name Pharmecuticals
Editorial 001
I Want It All, Please!
by Jane Q. Addict
I want it all, mister pharmacy clerk. One of everything on the shelf. That's right.
I'll need some Ambien™ for those terrible sleepless nights I keep having because of that incident two years ago, when my boyfriend broke up with me two weeks after he proposed, and I'll need some Valtrex™ because the filthy bastard gave me herpes and "neglected to mention" that he had it for the five months prior to the break-up.
While I'm here, I'd like some Claritin™ for my allergies. You know, I love my cat, but my eyes get all pink and puffy, and they tear up so much that I JUST WANT TO STRANGLE THE LITTLE, FLEA-RIDDEN FURBALL!- Aheh. Sorry. Don't know where that came from.
Ooo, you've got some Lamasil™ here? Well, I might as well get a box of that, because I dunno what that thing under my toenail is, but this oughtta clear that right up!
Hey! Do you have any of that lovely Excedrine Migraine® stuff? I just heard the skinny little ditz on TV say that it "gets rid of the headache, the nausea; the sensitivity to light & sound? Everything" and with that I was just hooked. I don't even get migraines, but she was just so convincing!
Oh! Hey! Nexium®! I get heartburn really bad every time I eat my nightly helping of pizza, so that simply must qualify as "Acid Reflux Disease", right? 'Cause I get it so often?
And I need a perscription for Vioxx®! I may only be 28, but I figure it'd be better to start taking the pill now, and nip that "Osteo Arthritis" in the bud!
And I need a box or two of Enzyte™ for my new boyfriend; some Mucinex™ for my little boys' runny nose (that's what it's for, right?), and some Crestor for myself - what with all that pizza, my arteries are probably screaming with cholesterol!
Well, that about does it! Just throw in a bottle of Advil™ and I'll be on my way! I've gotta get to my doctor in a few minutes to convince him to renew my Vicodin™ perscription!
Thanks. You have a great day!
I Want It All, Please!
by Jane Q. Addict
I want it all, mister pharmacy clerk. One of everything on the shelf. That's right.
I'll need some Ambien™ for those terrible sleepless nights I keep having because of that incident two years ago, when my boyfriend broke up with me two weeks after he proposed, and I'll need some Valtrex™ because the filthy bastard gave me herpes and "neglected to mention" that he had it for the five months prior to the break-up.
While I'm here, I'd like some Claritin™ for my allergies. You know, I love my cat, but my eyes get all pink and puffy, and they tear up so much that I JUST WANT TO STRANGLE THE LITTLE, FLEA-RIDDEN FURBALL!- Aheh. Sorry. Don't know where that came from.
Ooo, you've got some Lamasil™ here? Well, I might as well get a box of that, because I dunno what that thing under my toenail is, but this oughtta clear that right up!
Hey! Do you have any of that lovely Excedrine Migraine® stuff? I just heard the skinny little ditz on TV say that it "gets rid of the headache, the nausea; the sensitivity to light & sound? Everything" and with that I was just hooked. I don't even get migraines, but she was just so convincing!
Oh! Hey! Nexium®! I get heartburn really bad every time I eat my nightly helping of pizza, so that simply must qualify as "Acid Reflux Disease", right? 'Cause I get it so often?
And I need a perscription for Vioxx®! I may only be 28, but I figure it'd be better to start taking the pill now, and nip that "Osteo Arthritis" in the bud!
And I need a box or two of Enzyte™ for my new boyfriend; some Mucinex™ for my little boys' runny nose (that's what it's for, right?), and some Crestor for myself - what with all that pizza, my arteries are probably screaming with cholesterol!
Well, that about does it! Just throw in a bottle of Advil™ and I'll be on my way! I've gotta get to my doctor in a few minutes to convince him to renew my Vicodin™ perscription!
Thanks. You have a great day!