Fic - Blades of Glory - With or With You
Chazz/Jimmy
NC-17
Notes: Technically the next installment after Focus and Lacuna. I like to think it could stand alone, but probably less so than the other two.
With or With You
"You really think this is a good idea?" Coach asked after giving the apartment the once over.
"Yes," Chazz said. Chazz had never had any issues shacking up with someone. Not if it was someone that he was sleeping with and wanted to keep sleeping with at any rate. And anyway, they were pretty much living together already. As far as Chazz was concerned, the only thing a shared bed meant at this point was more sex, and there was nothing to object to there.
It was a big place. Two bedrooms, a fireplace, sunny, a small backyard with a deck and a pretty awesome view. The realtor, if you could call him that - Chazz wouldn't call him at all. He was one grizzly looking dude - said it was a great deal. Jimmy was pretty worked up about the whole thing anyway, and that was good enough for Chazz. Anything was better than that damn bottom bunk. In the last week alone, Chazz had sat up in bed twice and smacked his forehead on the beam. And beside the headaches, the bunk was too damn small. Jimmy kept elbowing him in the stomach and he apologized for it, but it happened often enough that Chazz was starting to wonder if it wasn't on purpose some of the time.
Besides, ever since Jimmy had suggested that Chazz move out with him, Chazz had been imagining all the fun they could have in a bed that wasn't made for a twelve-year old's slumber party. He was imagining it now.
Chazz coughed and shifted his weight slightly.
"You think it's a bad idea?" Jimmy asked Coach, looking a little worried.
Coach shrugged and pushed his hands into the pockets of his track pants.
Chazz rolled his eyes and tried to ignore his erection.
"It's my apartment," Jimmy pointed out. "I'm just letting Chazz stay for a while. But it's my place."
Coach looked over at Chazz and Chazz nodded. That was the way Chazz wanted it too.
"He can kick me to the curb any time he wants," Chazz agreed. Didn't mean he'd go. Didn't mean he'd stay either.
Coach pointed at Chazz. "When he does kick you out, I don't want you showing back up on my doorstep. Once you move out, you're out. I'm done feeding you and you'll have to find someone else to do your laundry."
Chazz wrapped an arm around Jimmy's shoulder. "He'll want to keep me around. I'll make it worth his while."
**
"What? We're not sharing a room," Jimmy said, shortly after accidentally elbowing Chazz in the stomach again. Chazz had grown to hate the damn bunk beds. Jimmy pushed Chazz's shirt up and then reached down for the button on Chazz's jeans. Then he looked up at Chazz and said, "There are two bedrooms. It's a two bedroom place."
What kind of sense did that make? What was the point?
"Why? You think the stuffed animals are offended by my leather? We're sharing a room right now."
Jimmy smiled and nudged Chazz's side until Chazz got the hint and lifted his hips. "You know, they probably are," Jimmy said. "Offended."
"Yeah," Chazz agreed, not really in the mood to talk about it anymore now that Jimmy's hands were on him. "Probably."
**
Jimmy, it turned out, had a lot of weird hang-ups about things. Chazz expected that, but most of the things weren't necessarily the things that Chazz thought that they'd be.
For one thing, it turned out that Jimmy really was serious about Chazz having his own room. Chazz had kind of thought they were just keeping up appearances, pretending nothing was going on for Coach's sake. Coach already knew, Chazz could tell by the way Coach kept giving him the evil eye, but if it made Jimmy feel better about the whole thing then Chazz would play along for a while.
He'd filled his closet and thrown the rest of his stuff in the corner and figured that was good enough, but when Jimmy came to check it out after they'd finished moving Jimmy's furniture from his storage unit to the apartment, Jimmy frowned, looked around, and said, "Where's all your stuff?"
"What stuff?" Chazz asked.
"Your bed," Jimmy said. "For your bedroom."
"Oh. You just wait. It's coming," Chazz assured him, and then spent the rest of the morning hunched over Jesse's laptop ordering a bed, Jesse peering over his shoulder periodically to make sure Chazz wasn't loading his computer with porn. Chazz really didn't think Jesse would object to the kind of porn Chazz might be interested in watching lately.
The bed was enormous, and Chazz was glad to see that Jimmy was impressed.
"This is nice," Jimmy said, and ran a hand along the wooden footboard, reached over to touch the red bedspread.
"You want to take her for a ride?" Chazz asked and raised his eyebrows.
"A ride?" Jimmy repeated, and then Chazz saw recognition in his eyes. Jimmy seemed to think about it for a moment, and then he nodded, pulled off his shirt, and climbed onto the bed.
**
Jimmy seemed to drop all fears of being labeled as skating's gayest male athlete as soon as he found out that Chazz was as messed up and turned on by the whole thing as he was. He seemed slightly disturbed when Chazz mentioned that he'd masturbated more thinking about getting it on with Jimmy than he had in a long ass time, but all things considered, Jimmy really had no issues with it at all. As long as Chazz was in it with him, it seemed there was no reason for Jimmy to really worry about it.
Another surprise was that Jimmy, after some persuasion, really had no problem with the basic fundamentals of gay sex. He had no issue with his obvious role as the bottom once Chazz managed to word his reasoning for this role assignment in a diplomatic manner. The real reasoning was that Chazz had never let anything near his ass other than the occasional feminine finger, and that only when he was good and stoned. He wasn't about to start now. Frankly, it scared the hell out of him. He didn't tell Jimmy that though.
The first time they'd tried it, Jimmy had said, albeit somewhat doubtfully, "Okay, I guess we'll see how it goes," and then let Chazz spread his legs. Considering what Chazz's reaction would have been had someone told him that they planned to do what he'd just told Jimmy, Chazz was a bit surprised that Jimmy could lie there and be so damn trusting. If he hadn't already been painfully hard, that right there would have done him in in a heartbeat.
"Um," Jimmy had said a few moments later, shifting uncomfortably around Chazz's finger. "Have you ever done this before?"
Chazz had, several times, but only with women who did it a lot, got off on it, seemed prepared for it, and requested it specifically. And once in front of the cameras.
"I'm going to rock your world," Chazz had assured Jimmy. Jimmy had looked skeptical, but had nodded and encouraged Chazz to keep going.
Chazz, honestly, wasn't sure if he had rocked Jimmy's world that night. They'd had to resort to using the floor in their small bedroom, and Chazz's leg, still in that damn cast at the time, had cramped up repeatedly. The whole thing had been over in almost record time and afterward Jimmy had helped Chazz up and then disappeared into the bathroom, emerging five minutes later with his clothes back on. He'd let Chazz pull him in and kissed Chazz lazily for a while before climbing into his own bed.
Chazz guessed it couldn't have been that bad for Jimmy. He let Chazz do it again a few days later without a single word of protest. And the night after that, Jimmy initiated it, throwing his blankets onto the floor, and then wordlessly pulling Chazz from his bunk, kissing Chazz's neck, his hands already at the waistband of Chazz's pants.
**
"You have to clean up your - " Jimmy started, walking into the living room. He stopped short, his mouth open when he found Chazz spread out in front of the television in a bathrobe and his underwear. "Chazz," Jimmy groaned. He even went so far as to avert his eyes.
Chazz threw up his hands and then opened his bathrobe a little more, suggestively. "What?" he asked. "It's nothing you haven't seen. Or touched."
"It's different," Jimmy insisted. It wasn't different at all. Not in any way that Chazz could see.
"Or licked," Chazz added.
Jimmy, flustered, tried to reason. "What if Coach drops by? Or Katie?"
Chazz shrugged. Coach had seen him in his underwear plenty of times. Katie, though friends with Jimmy, wasn't likely to just show up at his doorstep.
"Come here," Chazz said, and held out an arm for Jimmy.
Jimmy squinted at Chazz, suspicious. "Why?"
"Just come here," Chazz insisted.
Jimmy frowned and hooked a thumb back over his shoulder toward the kitchen. "You need to put your dishes in the dishwasher. I don't know what half that stuff in the sink even is and I'm not touching it. It's disgusting."
"Jimmy," Chazz sighed. Dishes had a nice way of disappearing from Coach's sink. Chazz missed that. "Blow me."
"You don't - it'll take you two seconds," Jimmy huffed, his hands on his hips. "You don't have to get mean about it."
Chazz shifted a little on the couch. "No," he said and beckoned Jimmy. "I'm serious. Blow me."
**
The first time, Chazz hadn't even asked. He'd been thinking about it. Of course he had. He thought about it a lot. He was a man, after all. A sex addict. But Chazz had kind of thought Jimmy would throw a fit, spew some nonsense about Chazz being disgusting and dirty, and so for the time being, until they got a little more comfortable with the situation, Chazz had compartmentalized it as a fantasy saved for his morning masturbation ritual.
So when Jimmy pressed his hands to Chazz's chest, pushed Chazz further into the couch, and then kneeled between Chazz's legs, Chazz was a little confused.
"What are you doing?" Chazz had asked, slightly worried. Normally, Chazz would have caught on right away, would have already had his hands in Jimmy's hair, urging him forward, but it was almost the last thing that Chazz expected Jimmy MacElroy to decide to try on his own and when he first felt it, the firm grip of Jimmy's hand and the tentative slide of Jimmy's tongue against his sensitive skin, Chazz had jumped on the couch, his dick hitting Jimmy in the nose.
"What are - don't move," Jimmy had said, wiping at his face.
"You're really - oh Jesus," Chazz closed his eyes and twisted his fingers in Jimmy's hair. Jimmy had asked for a few pointers, which Chazz had tried to provide though it was difficult with a brain that wasn't really functioning much at all, and really, Chazz thought there was just a lot of natural talent there. Chazz had had a lot of blowjobs. He'd had blowjobs from men and women and no, Jimmy wasn't ready to start deep-throating random dudes in the back room of a bar in Vegas or anything, but man, this was hotter than that had ever been.
Admittedly, Jimmy had seemed a little surprised and disturbed by the finale. Chazz took some of the blame for that. He really could have warned him.
Chazz had tried to reciprocate several days later, kissing down Jimmy's stomach, licking Jimmy's naval, which always made Jimmy laugh for some reason. Chazz liked that. Jimmy, however, must have thought that Chazz had other plans and in the end Chazz ended up kneed in the face for his efforts.
Chazz had jumped up and banged the back of his head on the bunk above, ending up sprawled on the floor with one hand holding his nose and Jimmy kneeling over him.
"What was that?!" Chazz asked, knocking Jimmy's hands away from his face. "Are you insane?"
"I thought - Sorry," Jimmy stumbled.
"Shit," Chazz said.
He'd tried to bring it up again, but Jimmy was pretty adamant that he did not want Chazz's mouth on his dick.
"I am an awesome cocksucker," Chazz insisted. "You don't know what you're missing."
Chazz had only ever sucked one cock and he'd been high and had no idea if he was actually any good or not, but Jimmy didn't need to know that. Jimmy wouldn't know the difference. It didn't matter anyway, because Chazz's boasting didn't sway Jimmy at all.
"I just don't - it's weird," Jimmy said.
Chazz had stared in disbelief, because it was way less weird than the other thing they were doing. It was less weird than the fact that Jimmy had no problem sucking Chazz off, seemed to enjoy it even.
Jimmy, Chazz decided, was weird.
Chazz wasn't really okay with it.
In any other situation, he'd be thrilled. It would be like a dream come true to have someone sucking him off and not asking for a damn thing in return, but Chazz wanted to reciprocate. He thought - frankly, he thought it would be pretty fucking hot. The thought of performing oral sex on Jimmy MacElroy, watching Jimmy's face twist in pleasure, Chazz wanted to be there for that. The very idea had him harder than - than something that was really hard.
Yeah, Chazz was going to be there for that.
**
When Coach showed up at the apartment unannounced, Jimmy made a big point of talking about how lucky it was that Chazz was wearing pants for once. Coach looked immediately uncomfortable and probably would never drop by without calling first again. It was the only good thing to come out of Jimmy's weird pants obsession.
"It's my thighs," Chazz said, nudging Coach's shoulder. "He sees them and he's just useless the rest of the day."
"Please don't tell me this," Coach said. "I came to see how the ankle is. Jesse said the physical therapy was going well."
"Good as new," Chazz agreed.
Coach smacked him on the back. "Good, then I expect to see you two on the ice tomorrow morning. 6 am."
"Guess the honeymoon's over, Jimmy," Chazz said.
**
Chazz's ankle was fine, and it felt good to be on the ice. Easy. He'd missed the smell, the cold air mixed with the slight aroma of fish in the warehouse, which all right, wasn't all that pleasant. He'd missed it anyway.
"We're gold medalists," Jimmy said. "We could probably move to a real rink, couldn't we?"
Coach shrugged and ordered Jimmy onto the ice.
It felt good. Easy. Skating with someone you were getting sexy with, however, turned out to be more difficult.
Every move Jimmy made on the ice suddenly equaled sex to Chazz. It was unbearable. And whereas Jimmy used to be indifferent during the holds, he now jumped away or curled in on himself when Chazz's hands got too close to any sensitive areas. Chazz, meanwhile, was skating with a constant erection.
"Stop," Jimmy said every once in a while, skating around Chazz in a circle.
"Stop what?" Chazz asked eventually.
"You're watching me like -"
"Like what?" Chazz prodded.
"Like if I get too close to you you'll rip my clothes off," Jimmy hissed. "I'm serious. Stop. It's creepy."
Chazz really did try to stop, but he also really did want to rip Jimmy's clothes off every time he got close, so it didn't work well. It was going to be a problem.
**
"Where are you going?" Chazz asked. He'd almost fallen asleep when he felt Jimmy untangle himself from Chazz's arms and scoot out of the bed. He opened his eyes and saw Jimmy sliding on his clothes.
"I'm going to bed," Jimmy said, simply.
"This bed is huge," Chazz said. "It's gigantic."
"Okay," Jimmy sighed. He pulled on his shirt and shook his head when Chazz beckoned him. "Let me go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. I'll come back."
"Good," Chazz grunted.
He passed out while Jimmy was still in the bathroom and woke up the next morning to find Jimmy curled up in his own bed.
"What the hell happened to you?" Chazz asked when Jimmy walked into the kitchen.
"What?" Jimmy asked.
Chazz stuffed half his waffle in his mouth and then gestured toward his room with the fork.
"Oh. I thought - I didn't want to wake you up," Jimmy reasoned. "I was being considerate."
Chazz snorted and drank his milk.
**
Jimmy had some intimacy issues. That wasn't surprising. The first person Jimmy ever got naked with was Chazz, so it definitely wasn't a surprise. And anyway, Chazz wasn't exactly intimacy issue free either.
Chazz could deal with the arguments over Chazz's pants, he could even hold off on introducing Jimmy to the joys of the receiving end of oral sex, but the bedroom thing, the bedroom thing was the thing that Chazz really got worked up about.
Chazz had always been good at reading people, particularly female people, but people in general as well. Sometimes he could tell all he needed to know about someone before they even spoke. It was all about body language. Chazz was good with bodies, good with language, and he was usually right.
Jimmy MacElroy, Chazz had been convinced, was a cuddler. During Chazz's brief period of actively not touching Jimmy, it was one of the thoughts he used to convince himself to keep not touching Jimmy. Jimmy was a cuddler, and as soon as Chazz released that inner cuddling demon, Chazz would be trapped in a soul crushing cage of limbs for all of eternity.
When you were a sex addict, it was easy to justify a lot. He hadn't wanted to kiss Jimmy in the beginning, but when he did and discovered that it was insanely sexy and something that he immediately wanted to do again and a lot, it was easy to justify and say that hey, it made sense. He hadn't actually had sex in over eight days by that time - it was close to a record - and Jimmy was very willing once they got going.
When thoughts of Jimmy started creeping into Chazz's morning jerk-off session, Chazz figured it was just that Jimmy was really the only person Chazz was spending time with anymore, and Jimmy, though clearly not actually a girl at all - there was no mistaking the junk Chazz had to hold daily - was still pretty girly. He smelled nice and had soft hair and skin. He smiled a lot and he had that nice round ass. He was a lot more appealing than Coach in any case.
It wasn't until Chazz broke his ankle and stopped skating and started to realize how much he needed to touch Jimmy that it got kind of fucked up. And then, as soon as Chazz realized it, it was like he craved it, that contact. Chazz started going out of his way to touch Jimmy, started noticing the way that Jimmy's body moved off the ice where previously he'd only really paid attention when they were on. He'd be talking to Jimmy and touching him without even realizing what he was doing.
Every day the soul crushing limb cage started to sound better and better. Chazz wanted that cage.
The kicker was when Jimmy, for some reason that Chazz still couldn't really figure out, decided to pick out a hooker for Chazz. Jimmy'd printed out a picture with the woman's name and phone number. She was blonde with insanely large breasts and full lips and all Chazz could do was stare blankly at her gigantic boobs and think about how he'd much rather fondle the flat-chested man sitting next to him
It was pretty high on the list of messed up moments in Chazz's life.
But Chazz was a sex addict, and when you were a sex addict just about anything could be justified. And so Chazz went for it.
And Jimmy, as it turned out, wasn't much of a cuddler at all. It blew Chazz's mind.
Jimmy wouldn’t even share a damn bed with Chazz for God's sake.
It was a quality that normally Chazz loved. He had his share of relationships, of arrangements, but most of the time, after the first week or so, Chazz would really rather wake up in his bed alone. Chazz would have loved it if his last girlfriend had been as averse to sharing a bed as Jimmy was turning out to be. Before the whole thing started he thought he would have loved to discover it about Jimmy too. Turned out he didn't.
Chazz tried turning the limb cage around on MacElroy, wrapping his body around Jimmy, making himself as comfortable as possible so Jimmy wouldn't want to leave.
Instead Jimmy said, "I think you're suffocating me."
He'd tried it again the next night and Jimmy had complained, "Your hairy chest is tickling my nose." And then he'd sneezed on Chazz.
It wasn't really the cuddling. Chazz didn't want to snuggle with Jimmy and his stuffed animals so much. But there was something to be said about a sated sweaty tangle of limbs, waking up to the smell of spent lust and going at it again right then and there.
"That’s kind of gross," Jimmy commented when Chazz had said as much to him.
"It isn't," Chazz countered. Jimmy didn't know what the hell he was talking about half the time.
"Spent lust?" Jimmy asked, his face twisted. "Who says that?"
Chazz had said it, had written about it in several of his poems, but he wasn't about to mention that now.
"We'll see, MacElroy," Chazz said, pointed a finger at Jimmy, and backed out of the kitchen. Jimmy shook his head and watched him go, shoveling another spoonful of cereal into his mouth.
In retrospect, it probably would have been a better conversation to have in the bedroom, right after the lust was spent.
**
Jimmy was nuzzling Chazz's arm, his hands roaming across Chazz's skin, caressing, stroking. They'd had another lousy day on the ice. They skated crappy and they fought and they'd both fallen several times and Coach yelled a lot and all Chazz really wanted to do was get naked with Jimmy. He said as much on the way back to the apartment, repeated it louder when Coach pointedly turned up the radio, and shortly after they'd gotten in, Chazz found Jimmy waiting in the bedroom in his underwear.
In that moment, Chazz had been pretty sure that Jimmy was his favorite person ever. But he certainly wasn't going to say that to Jimmy, so instead he covered his eyes dramatically and said, "Where are your pants? I can't believe you're walking around without pants on."
"Shut up," Jimmy said.
Chazz didn't need to be told twice.
Chazz was having a hard time keeping track of Jimmy's hands. They were on his nipples, pulling at the hairs on his stomach, cupping his balls, and then - "Dude," Chazz said, his whole body clenched. "Is that your finger?"
"Yes," Jimmy said. He pressed a little and Chazz shook his head.
"Okay, stop."
Jimmy rolled his eyes, but the pressure disappeared and Chazz relaxed until he realized that Jimmy's hands were gone entirely. Jimmy was staring at him, frowning.
"You're pausing sex?" Chazz asked.
Jimmy frowned some more and then huffed a little, screwed up his face and then visibly forced himself to relax again. It was odd.
"What the hell was that?"
"Can I -?" Jimmy asked and gestured toward Chazz. "I mean - I've never done this and - I think you'll like it. I really like it."
"Done wh -" Chazz started and then caught on. "No."
"Chazz -"
"I have done it," Chazz lied. "It wasn't for me."
Jimmy didn't look like he was buying that. "You didn't like it?" He asked, doubtful.
"No."
"Well, then they were doing it wrong," Jimmy insisted.
"I don't care," Chazz said.
"You would care if you -" Jimmy paused and then sighed, his hand moving to rest on Chazz's naked chest, his fingers pulling a little at the hair. "I'll let you - you know."
"No," Chazz said, looking down at Jimmy's hand. "I don't know."
"I'll let you blow me," Jimmy clarified. The last part was mumbled and hard to understand.
"Oh." Chazz contemplated the pros and cons. He kind of really wanted to give a blowjob. He also kind of really did not want anything stuck up his butt. He tried to picture it; on his back, vulnerable, legs spread and - "No fucking way."
"But, - You won't just try?" Jimmy asked, incredulous.
Chazz knocked Jimmy's hand away and crossed his own arms over his chest.
"So I'm not going to be having any actual sex anytime soon."
"You are having actual sex," Chazz said. "Better. You're having sex with Chazz Michael Michaels."
"Great," Jimmy said, and Chazz frowned. He actually did think that Jimmy was having actual sex. That they were. And the orgasms were pretty great as far as Chazz was concerned.
"And anyway, what kind of trade is that?" Chazz said, annoyed. "You get your dick sucked and you get to fuck me. How does that sound fair to you?"
Jimmy squinted at Chazz. "Okay, so then how is what we're doing now fair to me, jackass?"
"It's fair because you could have your dick sucked all you want," Chazz said. He thought about it and then added, "By a master."
Jimmy climbed off the bed.
"Oh, come on," Chazz groaned. "Where are you going?"
"We have to skate tomorrow," Jimmy said. "Maybe if we get a full night's sleep we won't suck."
"You don't think I'll let us sleep if you stay in here?" Chazz asked. He patted the mattress and rolled on his side and tried to look inviting.
Jimmy shrugged and picked up his shirt from the floor, pulled it over his head. "I like sleeping in my room."
"Fine," Chazz said, swinging his legs off the bed and standing up beside Jimmy.
"What?" Jimmy asked.
"We're sleeping in your room then," Chazz said simply. He nudged Jimmy out the door.
"We?"
Chazz shoved the stuffed animals from Jimmy's bed and climbed under the covers. Jimmy hesitated and then he sighed and crawled in, settling beside Chazz. Jimmy's bed was smaller than Chazz's and it was easy to reach out and wrap an arm around Jimmy's waist, pull him in until Jimmy's back was pressed to Chazz's chest.
"Comfortable, isn't it?" Chazz asked. Jimmy wasn't comfortable, Chazz could tell. His entire body felt stiff. Chazz didn't care.
"I guess," Jimmy agreed.
Chazz was not about to let go. "Good."
**
"This isn't working," Jimmy said, his hands on his hips, his breathing hard.
Chazz was skating around with his constant erection, trying to make sure no one noticed, and trying to touch Jimmy as little as possible. As a result he'd fallen during a simple spin, and dropped Jimmy twice. Jimmy could tell that Chazz wasn't in it, and he'd put up his guard. It made him tight and difficult to handle.
"You look exhausted," Jesse noted. He reached out and pressed the back of his hand to Jimmy's forehead.
Jimmy shrugged him off. "I didn't sleep well."
Chazz kicked at the ice with his skate and almost fell. Jimmy had been in the shower when Chazz woke up. Jimmy's side of the bed was already cool. Chazz had a feeling Jimmy had waited until Chazz fell asleep and then slept somewhere else. He couldn't figure out what the hell the stupid problem was. In every other case, Chazz was the one itching to sneak out in the middle of the night. It was almost never the other way around.
"We suck," Jimmy said.
"You suck," Chazz disagreed, suddenly annoyed. "I don't. You won't let me."
Jimmy's mouth dropped open and he stared at Chazz. "What are you doing?" he hissed.
"Where did you sleep?" Chazz asked. "The couch? I know it couldn't have been in my bed."
"Are you joking right now?" Jimmy asked. He looked over at Coach and Jesse.
"You know what?" Chazz continued. "I could live with Coach again and not have to wear pants ever."
"No," Coach called. "You couldn't."
"Fine," Jimmy said, fed up. "Move out then!"
"I'm going to," Chazz snapped.
"Good."
"Okay."
"Are we here to skate or fight like a bunch of fourteen year old girls?" Coach asked.
It turned out that they sucked a lot less on the ice when they weren't speaking to one another.
**
The fight was short, pretty lame really as far as their fights went. But Chazz had accidentally started it again on the way home, and when they got back to the apartment, Jimmy folded his arms over his chest and watched while Chazz packed his stuff.
"We'll probably skate better," Jimmy said. "It's probably a good thing."
"It's probably a good thing," Chazz mocked when he reached the street, his bag slung over his shoulder.
**
"No," Coach said immediately, and tried to shut the front door in Chazz's face. Chazz was too quick and got his boot in first. It hurt, but at least he was in.
"Just for two nights," Chazz said. "Come on."
"I told you you weren't coming back here," Coach grunted, but he released the door and he stood aside and let Chazz in.
Jesse was on the couch and he rolled his eyes when he saw who it was.
"Two nights," Chazz repeated and held up two fingers.
"Sure," Jesse sighed.
**
Chazz had really sort of missed the bunk beds.
"Guess where I am," he said when Jimmy finally answered his phone.
"Hi," Jimmy said. "I don't know. Coach's house."
"Yes," Chazz agreed. "I meant where in Coach's house."
"Are we skating today? Ask Coach."
"The bottom bunk," Chazz said, ignoring Jimmy's request.
The plan was to talk Jimmy into having phone sex, but Jimmy was clearly a beginner at this as well.
"Guess what I'm wearing," Chazz said suggestively.
"Probably not a whole lot, knowing you" Jimmy said, his tone dry.
Chazz was actually wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. He dropped the phone on the bed and pushed down his pants, yanked off his shirt, and then said, "You're right. Do you want to know where my hand is?"
"No."
"Jimmy - " Chazz sighed frustrated. "This morning I jerked off thinking about you. In the bottom bunk. Where I am now. You get me so fucking hot. You have no idea."
"Gross. Listen, I'm really - we need to skate more. We're really not good and I don't know how that happened."
"Have you ever heard of phone sex?" Chazz asked. He wasn't sure why he'd even bothered to take off his pants at all.
"We're fighting," Jimmy said. "We're not supposed to be having any sex. We're supposed to be skating."
"Fine," Chazz grabbed his shirt and sat up on the bed. "I'll see you at the warehouse in an hour."
**
Jimmy was evil. Coach had been his coach for too long, and Jimmy had learned some things about torture. In the day and a half that Chazz had been living at Coach's, Jimmy had apparently been brainstorming, and somewhere in his cotton candy filled head had decided that the way to get over the sexy figure skating thing was to rehearse the sexy parts over and over again until all of the sexiness was drained out of them.
Chazz thought Jimmy was probably underestimating the sexy switch in Chazz's brain by about - well, by a lot.
"You can't fondle me like that," Jimmy complained. "I'm going to fall on my head. Let's do it again."
"I wasn't fondling you," Chazz argued. "I was grabbing your junk. It's part of the lift."
"I know it's part of - you were rubbing your fingers on my balls," Jimmy accused. "That's not part of the lift."
"Maybe," Chazz conceded.
What was worse, Jimmy didn't even want to be fondled when they weren't in the middle of a lift.
"What's more important to you?" Jimmy asked, after he'd pushed Chazz and Chazz's tongue away from his neck. "Making out or another gold medal?"
At this point it was pretty much a toss-up.
Chazz shouldn't have moved out. He wasn't sure that he realized that moving out meant that he would be instantly cut off from Jimmy. He'd sort of thought it would mean sex in semi-public places and over the phone and in the back of Jimmy's car. In the bunk beds.
"What's with the bed thing," Chazz asked.
"What bed thing?"
"Oh, don't you 'what bed thing?' me," Chazz warned.
"I don't - Okay, look. I've never really done this before," Jimmy stumbled. "And you're - I mean, I don't think - It's not really a good idea if -"
"What?" Chazz prodded, trying to translate Jimmy's truncated sentences. "Spit it out." He was getting to the bottom of this, and he was getting to the bottom of it now.
"I'm afraid if I like get too, you know, close or like, attached - I don't want to fall in love with you," Jimmy finally blurted.
"Oh."
Jimmy quickly continued. "I've never been in love, so I don't know, maybe it's not that easy, but I didn't think you'd want that either. So we shouldn't - I want to keep skating with you, Chazz. But since I'm, um, new at this, and you don't - I mean, I assume from - you don't want like a real thing or anything so - we should just keep it at sex. Or maybe stop the sex even."
"We live together," Chazz pointed out. They didn't actually, but most of Chazz's stuff was there, so it wasn't like they really didn't live together either.
"Yeah," Jimmy agreed. "But we aren't like - I mean, it's not. We live together and we have sex, but we're not like - I just think that because I don't have a lot of experience and you do that we should maybe not get too involved, and for me, sleeping in the same bed is probably too involved."
"But having my dick up your ass isn't," Chazz said.
Jimmy winced. "We're here to skate," he said.
"You're not making sense, you know this right?"
"I think my first relationship should be with someone who is um, well, not you, maybe."
Chazz was surprised by how much the statement offended and hurt him.
"That's sweet, MacElroy," he said.
"What?" Jimmy asked, looking at Chazz like he thought Chazz was the completely ridiculous one. "You're saying you want to be boyfriends?"
Chazz snorted. "No." They weren't in middle school.
"Okay, then let's do the lift again."
**
"What are you still doing here?" Jesse asked. "You said two days." It had been four. "You're like a permanent fixture on this couch."
"Avoiding MacElroy," Chazz said, his words clipped. "He finds me irresistible. It's a problem for him."
"Why?"
"He's trying not to fall in love with me. It happens all the time. Part of the curse of being me, I guess."
Jesse laughed.
"I wasn't kidding."
"I know," Jesse said. "Do you want him to not fall in love with you?"
Chazz shrugged. "We're partners. We're not getting married here. I can share."
Jesse nodded and slapped Chazz on the shoulder, chuckling slightly before disappearing into Coach's bedroom.
"I don't know why you're still laughing," Chazz called after him.
**
Chazz watched as Jimmy transitioned the camel into a sit spin. Chazz had his fingers pressed to his chin, pretending to critique the technical aspects of the move. He wasn't paying any attention to the technical aspects. He was watching the blurred muscles of Jimmy's back as he changed positions. Also, Jimmy, Chazz was pretty sure, had the longest neck that Chazz had ever seen. Chazz wondered if a woman - if Katie, for instance - would appreciate a long neck like that.
"Well?" Jimmy asked after coming out of the spin and skating toward Chazz.
"Are you going to get back together with Katie?" Chazz asked, the words hurtling out of his mouth.
"What?"
"Katie. Are you - she'd be good at a relationship. She's that type."
"She's already in a relationship. Practically, anyway." Jimmy had set her up with some dude he knew from the job he had when they weren't skating. They skied together. Katie and this dude. Not Jimmy. Jimmy was shit on skis. Chazz had met the guy and he seemed a little lame. Katie smiled a lot with him and said often that she was so relieved to not have a whole lot to do with skating anymore, but Chazz noticed that she still stared at Jimmy sometimes.
"She'd rather be in one with you," Chazz pointed out.
"She would not."
"But if she did - you would."
"I don't know," Jimmy said. "Maybe. Katie's sweet. Sure."
Chazz nodded and ignored the burning in his chest. He'd eaten chili for lunch. He should have known better.
"You aren't going to skate today?" Jimmy asked.
"My ankle hurts," Chazz lied.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Chazz said. "I got drunk. Slipped on the ladder to the bunks. About what you'd expect. Keep skating. I'm fine."
Jimmy nodded and skated away, fluidly transitioning into a scratch spin. Jimmy was completely aware of every inch of his body on the ice, every move reached the absolute tips of his fingers, his toes. Off the ice, Jimmy didn't seem to have any idea of what he was capable of doing to people. He was like a sex addict's dream come true.
Jimmy sped up and launched into a triple axle, gracefully, landing perfectly. He made the jump look effortless. He stopped on the ice, his skate kicking up a slight spray.
Katie, Chazz remembered, had a nice mouth. There was no question that Jimmy would do things with Katie that he was too uncomfortable - for whatever reason - to do with Chazz. The things that Chazz refused to do for Jimmy. Jimmy wasn't afraid of falling in love with Katie.
He pictured it in his head, Jimmy's mouth on Katie's breasts, Katie writhing under Jimmy's touch. He saw Jimmy's eyes squeezed shut, his lashes fluttering against his cheek, his mouth slack. He heard the soft panting noises that Jimmy would make when he let Katie suck his cock.
Katie was a sweet girl. She'd be good at it, good enough to make it enjoyable, but she wouldn't want it. Not like Chazz did.
"You're sure you're okay?" Jimmy asked again. They were there to skate together, to get comfortable together on the ice again. Chazz watching from the sidelines sort of defeated the purpose.
Chazz wasn't okay, but it wasn't his ankle. He held out an arm to Jimmy and Jimmy skated back over to help Chazz up. As soon as he felt Jimmy's hand close firmly around his, Chazz pulled. Jimmy stumbled forward, his toe pick catching on the ice as he fell against Chazz.
"Wha -" Jimmy started, but Chazz didn't wait to hear the rest. He kissed Jimmy desperately, possessively, clutching Jimmy close to his body. He shifted until Jimmy was sprawled across the crate that Chazz had been perched on, Chazz above him, tasting, claiming. His hands pulled at the waist band of Jimmy's pants, pushing until they were around Jimmy's knees, his underwear with them.
"Chazz -" Jimmy gasped, but Chazz didn't want to talk and he silenced Jimmy again with his mouth, with his tongue.
Chazz had always had a hard-on for conquest, and it only seemed to get harder when he was around Jimmy MacElroy. He couldn't resist it. He pulled away from Jimmy's mouth, broke the kiss, and dropped to his knees. He didn't hesitate, didn't wait for Jimmy to catch on. He just went for it.
"What are you - Oh God, stop," Jimmy gasped, involuntarily thrusting just a little into Chazz's mouth.
The ice was hard beneath Chazz's knees. He could feel the cold seeping through his pants. He didn't care.
He heard Jimmy whimper above him and felt Jimmy's hand grip the side of his head. To push Chazz away, he was sure, but Chazz, anticipating the move, slid his hand back behind Jimmy's balls, and then further, so that instead of pushing Chazz away, Jimmy moaned and tried to move closer to Chazz's hand, deeper into Chazz's mouth. Jimmy's hand, instead of pushing, tangled into Chazz's hair and pulled just a little.
Jimmy had been skating for over an hour and his skin was warm and a little damp from the exertion. Chazz fisted Jimmy's dick and turned the attentions of his mouth to Jimmy's balls, nuzzling and licking, wetting them with his tongue. He felt drunk or high or both. He'd known it would be good, but it surprised him how much he was getting off on the taste of Jimmy, the smell of Jimmy, the slide of Jimmy against his tongue. His knees ached and he ignored it, slipping his free hand into his pants, and moaning a little at the contact.
Jimmy untangled his fingers from Chazz's hair, pressed them to Chazz's face, Chazz's cheek, trying to feel himself in Chazz's mouth. Chazz almost came right then and there.
He had never understood before. He'd never understood those men who lurked in dark corners, waited patiently for someone willing to stick a dick in their mouths. He'd never gotten it, but he thought that now, with Jimmy's hands pressed to his face, he almost understood.
He pulled away, replaced his mouth with his hand, and then bit the inside of Jimmy's thigh, gently. Chazz shuddered and came into his palm and as soon as the shock began to fade he was back, his mouth tasting every inch of Jimmy. It wasn't long before Jimmy gasped, his body going stiff as he arched his back and came on Chazz's face.
Chazz wiped his cheek on the edge of Jimmy's shirt and pulled himself up off the floor. His knees cracked.
Jimmy, sprawled on a freezing box, his skates on and his pants around his ankles, was still breathing hard. He looked up at Chazz and said, "Sorry. I should have said -" and then he trailed off, suddenly self conscious that he was half naked with Chazz standing over him.
Chazz, slightly smug, couldn't help but think that Jimmy's final act wouldn't have gone over well with Katie Van Waldenburg at all. With Fairchild, maybe, but Chazz knew girls like Katie, and girls like that did not like semen facials.
Turned out Chazz really kind of did.
"I -" Jimmy tried to say. "I -"
"I told you that you were missing out," Chazz said. "I'm the master."
Jimmy just nodded and looked down at himself.
"I'm moving back in," Chazz said. He gripped Jimmy's shoulders, leaned in and kissed Jimmy's mouth. "And the separate bed crap is retarded."
"But -"
"I don't care."
Jimmy frowned and shook his head, pushed Chazz's hands away and pulled up his pants. "What if -"
"Stop talking."
"Chazz -"
"No. You were supposed to have your first relationship in elementary school like normal people. You didn't, that's your fault. You're having it now."
"Yeah," Jimmy said. "But with you?"
"What's wrong with me?"
"You're not even good at friendships. Half the time you're not even a good acquaintance."
"I'm good at sex. And figure skating."
"So?"
"Dude." Chazz was getting exasperated. He'd been pretty convinced that the blow job was going to transform Jimmy into a pile of goo who would just agree with everything Chazz said as long as it meant that he'd have Chazz's mouth wrapped around his dick again. He wasn't sure what went wrong. "I'm good at relationships."
Jimmy raised his eyebrows.
"I'm moving back in and we're sharing a damn room," Chazz announced.
"Chazz," Jimmy started again.
"I'm not backing down on this," Chazz warned.
Jimmy's mouth opened and closed, his brow furrowed like he was weighing his options.
"I want to switch places," Jimmy said, finally. "Just once."
"What?" Chazz asked and gestured toward the ice. They'd already added some reverse holds to their routine.
"No," Jimmy said. "In bed."
"Come on," Chazz sighed. "You're kidding."
**
Chazz had a choice. He could get over himself and move back in with Jimmy and have a lot of sex, or he could sit on Coach's couch without his pants, drinking beer, and picturing Jimmy enjoying naked time with Katie Van Waldenburg.
"Will you put on some damn clothes?" Coach asked, poking his head in from the dining room. "You don't see me walking around naked and it's my damn house."
"He would be too," Jesse said. "If you weren't here." He looked pointedly at Chazz.
Chazz regarded Jesse, frowned and said, "You take it up the ass, yeah?"
Jesse held up a hand. "I am not having this conversation with you. No."
Chazz shook his head, not really listening to Jesse's response. "What am I saying? Of course you do."
"I'm walking away now," Jesse continued.
"It's pretty damn gay, isn't it," Chazz said. "Don't you feel - does it - I can't fucking. No way. I'm a man, for God's sakes."
"Please tell me I didn't just hear that," Jesse said, turning on his heel and returning to the living room.
"What? I was saying -"
"You're saying you want to have a talk about what men do and do not do."
"Jesus," Chazz sighed and downed the rest of his beer, crushed the can in his hand. A talk with Jesse was about the last thing that Chazz wanted.
"Go put on some fucking clothes," Jesse snapped and stalked out of the room.
**
Chazz didn't put clothes on. In fact, he took more off. He did leave the living room though. He didn't need Jesse ogling the goods.
The thing was, Chazz didn't suck at relationships. He'd always thought he was pretty good at them. He liked them, even, sometimes. The certainty of sex. It was nice. The problem was that when you were a sex addict, it was just so damn easy to stray. Chazz's problem with relationships wasn't necessarily that he had a fear of commitment. He'd made plenty of commitments over the years. His last girlfriend, hell, that relationship lasted nearly four years, off and on. Chazz's problem was sex. In the beginning it was great mind blowing sex every chance they got, but inevitably Chazz's girlfriends grew tired of the constant screwing and that was when Chazz fucked it up. It was inevitable.
Right now, sex with Jimmy was fantastic and different and new and insanely hot. And Chazz wasn't satisfied. Not because he wasn't having intense orgasms all the time - he was - or he had been before the whole not having sex anymore thing started. The problem was that when Chazz was having sex with the same person as often as he was having sex with Jimmy, Chazz really kind of wanted a relationship of some sort. He wanted to walk around naked and not shower or shower together. He wanted to fuck on every piece of furniture they owned and make amateur porn. He wanted to wake up sticky, not sure which set of legs were his own.
Chazz spent a lot of time telling everyone that he didn't need them. Didn't need any of them. It had stopped being true a long time ago. And right now Chazz wanted a soul crushing cage of limbs, damnit.
He tried to imagine continuing to skate with Jimmy, keeping his hands off Jimmy when they were off the ice. He imagined Jimmy and Katie having disgustingly cute picnics in a park, Jimmy fondling Katie's breasts through her linen blouse. Jimmy probably wouldn't ever do that, not in public anyway, but Chazz imagined it anyway and frankly, it pissed him off. He wanted Jimmy fondling him in public. He wanted to be the one protesting the very idea of the relationship. That was how these things went. If Chazz was against it from the beginning, then it came as no surprise when he fucked it up in the end.
The point was, he wanted to be in Jimmy's bed, not alone and naked in the bottom bunk.
Chazz's hand slid down his naked abdomen. He'd been hard long before he thought about Jimmy fondling him in public. He teased himself for a little while and then bent his knees, let his hand travel a little further. His fingers were slick and he rubbed them against his asshole, testing. It didn't feel bad. It was a little pleasant even, the external stimulation. He slid one finger inside, just a little. He remembered this from the few times it had been done to him before. He remembered feeling numb, plastered, not caring what was done to him as long as the orgasm was soon. Soon. Now, completely sober, it just kind of felt clinical. Even with the hard on.
Clinical, but not awful. It was sort of sexy when he thought about it, lying naked in the bottom bunk, legs bent, spread wide. He almost wished Jimmy was here to see it. He pressed his finger deeper and then pulled it back out.
Jimmy enjoyed this. He moaned and asked for it and came so hard that sometimes he embarrassed himself. It wasn't like Chazz didn't know about the prostate gland. He wasn't a complete moron. He certainly knew exactly where Jimmy's was by now. And Jimmy probably should use his dick a little more. A lot more. He was nearly thirty and it was just cruel the way he'd been neglecting it all these years.
Chazz touched himself again, closed his eyes and saw Jimmy's face as he slid into Katie Van Waldenburg, his mouth on her breast and his eyes bright.
"Fuck this," Chazz said and climbed out of the bunk, grabbed his pants.
**
"What are you doing here?" Jimmy asked when Chazz barged into the apartment. Chazz didn't answer, instead grabbed Jimmy's arm and pulled him toward Jimmy's room.
"We're doing this thing," Chazz announced and started removing his clothes.
Jimmy crossed his arms over his chest and stared at Chazz. "What thing?"
"The thing with you sticking things in my ass," Chazz said. He reached out and grabbed Jimmy's arms, pulled them away from Jimmy's chest, and then pushed Jimmy's shirt up and over his head.
"Now?" Jimmy asked.
"Yes, now," Chazz hissed, pushing down his pants. "You've got about ten seconds before I change my mind."
Chazz kicked off his shoes and pants and threw himself on the bed. Jimmy stood in the center of the room and stared.
"Nine," Chazz prompted.
"I don't know if this is a good idea," Jimmy said.
"This is a great idea," Chazz countered. "Eight."
"I was going to make a sandwich," Jimmy said, and turned toward the kitchen.
"Seven," Chazz said. "I'm really not kidding here with this counting thing." Truth was, Jimmy's hesitation had him wanting to count faster, just call the whole thing off before he even got to one.
Chazz stuck his finger in his mouth, moaned a little to get Jimmy's attention. It worked. Jimmy turned away from the door, watched Chazz suck on his finger, his actions purposely lewd. Jimmy's mouth fell open just a little. "What are you doing?" Jimmy asked eventually.
"Six," Chazz said, and slid his hand back behind his balls.
Jimmy swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing up and down.
"Five," Chazz said, his other hand reaching for his dick, fingers slowly wrapping around. Chazz groaned a little at the contact.
Jimmy's mouth dropped open again and then he was moving, knocking Chazz's hand away, replacing it with his own. He watched as Chazz's finger disappeared into himself, and then Jimmy looked up and said, "Okay. Okay, let's do it."
**
Jimmy stopped.
"What?" Chazz asked. He was ready. He was pretty damn sure he was ready. He wanted to get going with this thing, get to the scary stuff, then the good stuff. But Jimmy was preoccupied, Jimmy was exploring, and now Jimmy was staring at him, lips parted slightly, eyes wide. "What?" Chazz asked again. He moved his hips a little, pushing closer to Jimmy.
"I can feel your heartbeat in here," Jimmy said, as though it was the coolest thing he'd ever felt. Jimmy's voice was almost a whisper and Chazz had to lean forward to hear it.
"Oh," Chazz said.
"If I press right here," Jimmy said, and he pressed his fingers a little harder, and then stopped, staring down at Chazz like he couldn't believe how amazing it was. Like he couldn't press his fingers to Chazz's wrist or neck and feel the same thing.
Jimmy pushed his fingers deeper, and Chazz moaned just a little. It was pretty good, this, Jimmy's fingers probing and stretching, Jimmy's tongue caressing Chazz's dick every now and then, just enough to keep Chazz interested, to drive him crazy.
"I'm ready," Chazz said. "Come on."
**
"Oh my God," Chazz moaned. He wrapped a leg around Jimmy and clung to his shoulders, tried to pull him closer, deeper. "Oh Jesus."
"Stop?" Jimmy panted. It had been touch and go for a while there. Chazz had been positive that there was no way that Jimmy's dick could possibly fit, couldn't believe that he'd done this to Jimmy, done it a lot, and that Jimmy had never once complained. Jimmy assured him it got better, and Chazz had gritted his teeth, told Jimmy to move.
It got better.
"God, no," Chazz gasped. "Fuck. Do not stop. I will physically hurt you if you - Oh -"
Chazz had been so fucking wrong. He was a sex addict and he'd been missing out on some of the best sex of his life for years. Decades. It was the biggest mistake he ever made, and as soon as this was over, Chazz planned to do it again, and again.
Jimmy's hand was stroking him, Jimmy's dick was stroking him. Chazz was being thoroughly stroked and if Jimmy stopped now, Chazz would - Jimmy hit that spot again and Chazz felt a jolt as he thrust into Jimmy's palm. Jimmy was panting, sweating. Chazz licked his neck and tasted salt. Jimmy's response was a sharp intake of breath, a sharper thrust that made Chazz groan low in his throat. If this is what gay felt like, then Chazz Michael Michaels was all for acting a little fucking gay.
**
Chazz officially loved his prostate. Chazz planned to write an entire book of sonnets, odes to the prostate. He was going to get right on that, as soon as he could form words.
"That was - " Jimmy said, stopped mid-sentence, his breathing still heavy. "We're going to do that again, right? I can do that again?"
"Maybe," Chazz said. They were absolutely doing that again.
"You were so - " Jimmy started again. "Did it - it got better, right? It seemed like it got better."
Chazz grunted and sniffed Jimmy's neck. "It was good," he said.
"Okay," Jimmy said. He sounded flustered. Chazz didn't know how Jimmy had enough energy left to sound flustered. "Okay, good."
"Don’t you dare tell Jesse about this," Chazz warned. "I'm serious."
Jimmy laughed, and started untangling himself from Chazz.
Chazz gripped Jimmy's arm. "Whoa. We had a deal."
"I'm turning off the light," Jimmy said. "That's it, I swear."
Chazz released Jimmy and watched as Jimmy scurried naked across the bedroom, hit the light switch hard, and rushed back to the bed, immediately draping himself back across Chazz. Chazz sighed, the weight of Jimmy comfortable, his body still strumming just a little from orgasm, his eyelids heavy. Jimmy made a noise and touched the hair on Chazz's chest, brought his hand up and touched Chazz's neck. He didn't make any excuse about washing up or brushing his teeth, or making a quick lasagna and coming back in a few minutes. He was relaxed and comfortable against Chazz. He smelled like sex and salt, shampoo and Chazz.
"Spent lust and tangled limbs," Chazz mused.
"What?" Jimmy asked.
"Spent lust," Chazz repeated. "Lying here covered in spit and sweat and sex. Nothing better." He was doing it on purpose. Testing, seeing how far he could go before Jimmy got disgusted and stormed out. "Semen," he added.
"I think you covered that with sex," Jimmy said.
"Shower," Chazz said, sticking to the lettered theme. "You're thinking about a shower now, aren't you."
"A little," Jimmy agreed.
"Too bad," Chazz said.
"It wasn't gross until you started talking about it." Chazz had always had a way with words.
Chazz shrugged. "You're hot this way."
Jimmy just grunted a little. Chazz's hand touched Jimmy's side, his hip, then settled on the inside of Jimmy's thigh. Jimmy didn't move or try to push Chazz away.
"Fall in love with me yet?" Chazz asked after a moment's silence.
Jimmy didn't answer immediately and for a moment Chazz thought he was already asleep.
"Um," Jimmy said, eventually. "Well, I don't - "
"Just wait," Chazz said, cutting Jimmy off. "I'm hard to resist."
Jimmy shook his head like he found that hard to believe. Jimmy didn't know what he was talking about half the time.
"I like you," Jimmy offered. "Most of the time."
Chazz smiled. "Good. I like you most of the time too."
"Good."
"You know, I'm probably going to screw this up," Chazz said. It was only fair to warn Jimmy. Chazz wanted it, but he knew himself, and he knew how things would eventually go.
"I know," Jimmy said, and gripped Chazz a little tighter.
It was good enough for him.
NC-17
Notes: Technically the next installment after Focus and Lacuna. I like to think it could stand alone, but probably less so than the other two.
With or With You
"You really think this is a good idea?" Coach asked after giving the apartment the once over.
"Yes," Chazz said. Chazz had never had any issues shacking up with someone. Not if it was someone that he was sleeping with and wanted to keep sleeping with at any rate. And anyway, they were pretty much living together already. As far as Chazz was concerned, the only thing a shared bed meant at this point was more sex, and there was nothing to object to there.
It was a big place. Two bedrooms, a fireplace, sunny, a small backyard with a deck and a pretty awesome view. The realtor, if you could call him that - Chazz wouldn't call him at all. He was one grizzly looking dude - said it was a great deal. Jimmy was pretty worked up about the whole thing anyway, and that was good enough for Chazz. Anything was better than that damn bottom bunk. In the last week alone, Chazz had sat up in bed twice and smacked his forehead on the beam. And beside the headaches, the bunk was too damn small. Jimmy kept elbowing him in the stomach and he apologized for it, but it happened often enough that Chazz was starting to wonder if it wasn't on purpose some of the time.
Besides, ever since Jimmy had suggested that Chazz move out with him, Chazz had been imagining all the fun they could have in a bed that wasn't made for a twelve-year old's slumber party. He was imagining it now.
Chazz coughed and shifted his weight slightly.
"You think it's a bad idea?" Jimmy asked Coach, looking a little worried.
Coach shrugged and pushed his hands into the pockets of his track pants.
Chazz rolled his eyes and tried to ignore his erection.
"It's my apartment," Jimmy pointed out. "I'm just letting Chazz stay for a while. But it's my place."
Coach looked over at Chazz and Chazz nodded. That was the way Chazz wanted it too.
"He can kick me to the curb any time he wants," Chazz agreed. Didn't mean he'd go. Didn't mean he'd stay either.
Coach pointed at Chazz. "When he does kick you out, I don't want you showing back up on my doorstep. Once you move out, you're out. I'm done feeding you and you'll have to find someone else to do your laundry."
Chazz wrapped an arm around Jimmy's shoulder. "He'll want to keep me around. I'll make it worth his while."
**
"What? We're not sharing a room," Jimmy said, shortly after accidentally elbowing Chazz in the stomach again. Chazz had grown to hate the damn bunk beds. Jimmy pushed Chazz's shirt up and then reached down for the button on Chazz's jeans. Then he looked up at Chazz and said, "There are two bedrooms. It's a two bedroom place."
What kind of sense did that make? What was the point?
"Why? You think the stuffed animals are offended by my leather? We're sharing a room right now."
Jimmy smiled and nudged Chazz's side until Chazz got the hint and lifted his hips. "You know, they probably are," Jimmy said. "Offended."
"Yeah," Chazz agreed, not really in the mood to talk about it anymore now that Jimmy's hands were on him. "Probably."
**
Jimmy, it turned out, had a lot of weird hang-ups about things. Chazz expected that, but most of the things weren't necessarily the things that Chazz thought that they'd be.
For one thing, it turned out that Jimmy really was serious about Chazz having his own room. Chazz had kind of thought they were just keeping up appearances, pretending nothing was going on for Coach's sake. Coach already knew, Chazz could tell by the way Coach kept giving him the evil eye, but if it made Jimmy feel better about the whole thing then Chazz would play along for a while.
He'd filled his closet and thrown the rest of his stuff in the corner and figured that was good enough, but when Jimmy came to check it out after they'd finished moving Jimmy's furniture from his storage unit to the apartment, Jimmy frowned, looked around, and said, "Where's all your stuff?"
"What stuff?" Chazz asked.
"Your bed," Jimmy said. "For your bedroom."
"Oh. You just wait. It's coming," Chazz assured him, and then spent the rest of the morning hunched over Jesse's laptop ordering a bed, Jesse peering over his shoulder periodically to make sure Chazz wasn't loading his computer with porn. Chazz really didn't think Jesse would object to the kind of porn Chazz might be interested in watching lately.
The bed was enormous, and Chazz was glad to see that Jimmy was impressed.
"This is nice," Jimmy said, and ran a hand along the wooden footboard, reached over to touch the red bedspread.
"You want to take her for a ride?" Chazz asked and raised his eyebrows.
"A ride?" Jimmy repeated, and then Chazz saw recognition in his eyes. Jimmy seemed to think about it for a moment, and then he nodded, pulled off his shirt, and climbed onto the bed.
**
Jimmy seemed to drop all fears of being labeled as skating's gayest male athlete as soon as he found out that Chazz was as messed up and turned on by the whole thing as he was. He seemed slightly disturbed when Chazz mentioned that he'd masturbated more thinking about getting it on with Jimmy than he had in a long ass time, but all things considered, Jimmy really had no issues with it at all. As long as Chazz was in it with him, it seemed there was no reason for Jimmy to really worry about it.
Another surprise was that Jimmy, after some persuasion, really had no problem with the basic fundamentals of gay sex. He had no issue with his obvious role as the bottom once Chazz managed to word his reasoning for this role assignment in a diplomatic manner. The real reasoning was that Chazz had never let anything near his ass other than the occasional feminine finger, and that only when he was good and stoned. He wasn't about to start now. Frankly, it scared the hell out of him. He didn't tell Jimmy that though.
The first time they'd tried it, Jimmy had said, albeit somewhat doubtfully, "Okay, I guess we'll see how it goes," and then let Chazz spread his legs. Considering what Chazz's reaction would have been had someone told him that they planned to do what he'd just told Jimmy, Chazz was a bit surprised that Jimmy could lie there and be so damn trusting. If he hadn't already been painfully hard, that right there would have done him in in a heartbeat.
"Um," Jimmy had said a few moments later, shifting uncomfortably around Chazz's finger. "Have you ever done this before?"
Chazz had, several times, but only with women who did it a lot, got off on it, seemed prepared for it, and requested it specifically. And once in front of the cameras.
"I'm going to rock your world," Chazz had assured Jimmy. Jimmy had looked skeptical, but had nodded and encouraged Chazz to keep going.
Chazz, honestly, wasn't sure if he had rocked Jimmy's world that night. They'd had to resort to using the floor in their small bedroom, and Chazz's leg, still in that damn cast at the time, had cramped up repeatedly. The whole thing had been over in almost record time and afterward Jimmy had helped Chazz up and then disappeared into the bathroom, emerging five minutes later with his clothes back on. He'd let Chazz pull him in and kissed Chazz lazily for a while before climbing into his own bed.
Chazz guessed it couldn't have been that bad for Jimmy. He let Chazz do it again a few days later without a single word of protest. And the night after that, Jimmy initiated it, throwing his blankets onto the floor, and then wordlessly pulling Chazz from his bunk, kissing Chazz's neck, his hands already at the waistband of Chazz's pants.
**
"You have to clean up your - " Jimmy started, walking into the living room. He stopped short, his mouth open when he found Chazz spread out in front of the television in a bathrobe and his underwear. "Chazz," Jimmy groaned. He even went so far as to avert his eyes.
Chazz threw up his hands and then opened his bathrobe a little more, suggestively. "What?" he asked. "It's nothing you haven't seen. Or touched."
"It's different," Jimmy insisted. It wasn't different at all. Not in any way that Chazz could see.
"Or licked," Chazz added.
Jimmy, flustered, tried to reason. "What if Coach drops by? Or Katie?"
Chazz shrugged. Coach had seen him in his underwear plenty of times. Katie, though friends with Jimmy, wasn't likely to just show up at his doorstep.
"Come here," Chazz said, and held out an arm for Jimmy.
Jimmy squinted at Chazz, suspicious. "Why?"
"Just come here," Chazz insisted.
Jimmy frowned and hooked a thumb back over his shoulder toward the kitchen. "You need to put your dishes in the dishwasher. I don't know what half that stuff in the sink even is and I'm not touching it. It's disgusting."
"Jimmy," Chazz sighed. Dishes had a nice way of disappearing from Coach's sink. Chazz missed that. "Blow me."
"You don't - it'll take you two seconds," Jimmy huffed, his hands on his hips. "You don't have to get mean about it."
Chazz shifted a little on the couch. "No," he said and beckoned Jimmy. "I'm serious. Blow me."
**
The first time, Chazz hadn't even asked. He'd been thinking about it. Of course he had. He thought about it a lot. He was a man, after all. A sex addict. But Chazz had kind of thought Jimmy would throw a fit, spew some nonsense about Chazz being disgusting and dirty, and so for the time being, until they got a little more comfortable with the situation, Chazz had compartmentalized it as a fantasy saved for his morning masturbation ritual.
So when Jimmy pressed his hands to Chazz's chest, pushed Chazz further into the couch, and then kneeled between Chazz's legs, Chazz was a little confused.
"What are you doing?" Chazz had asked, slightly worried. Normally, Chazz would have caught on right away, would have already had his hands in Jimmy's hair, urging him forward, but it was almost the last thing that Chazz expected Jimmy MacElroy to decide to try on his own and when he first felt it, the firm grip of Jimmy's hand and the tentative slide of Jimmy's tongue against his sensitive skin, Chazz had jumped on the couch, his dick hitting Jimmy in the nose.
"What are - don't move," Jimmy had said, wiping at his face.
"You're really - oh Jesus," Chazz closed his eyes and twisted his fingers in Jimmy's hair. Jimmy had asked for a few pointers, which Chazz had tried to provide though it was difficult with a brain that wasn't really functioning much at all, and really, Chazz thought there was just a lot of natural talent there. Chazz had had a lot of blowjobs. He'd had blowjobs from men and women and no, Jimmy wasn't ready to start deep-throating random dudes in the back room of a bar in Vegas or anything, but man, this was hotter than that had ever been.
Admittedly, Jimmy had seemed a little surprised and disturbed by the finale. Chazz took some of the blame for that. He really could have warned him.
Chazz had tried to reciprocate several days later, kissing down Jimmy's stomach, licking Jimmy's naval, which always made Jimmy laugh for some reason. Chazz liked that. Jimmy, however, must have thought that Chazz had other plans and in the end Chazz ended up kneed in the face for his efforts.
Chazz had jumped up and banged the back of his head on the bunk above, ending up sprawled on the floor with one hand holding his nose and Jimmy kneeling over him.
"What was that?!" Chazz asked, knocking Jimmy's hands away from his face. "Are you insane?"
"I thought - Sorry," Jimmy stumbled.
"Shit," Chazz said.
He'd tried to bring it up again, but Jimmy was pretty adamant that he did not want Chazz's mouth on his dick.
"I am an awesome cocksucker," Chazz insisted. "You don't know what you're missing."
Chazz had only ever sucked one cock and he'd been high and had no idea if he was actually any good or not, but Jimmy didn't need to know that. Jimmy wouldn't know the difference. It didn't matter anyway, because Chazz's boasting didn't sway Jimmy at all.
"I just don't - it's weird," Jimmy said.
Chazz had stared in disbelief, because it was way less weird than the other thing they were doing. It was less weird than the fact that Jimmy had no problem sucking Chazz off, seemed to enjoy it even.
Jimmy, Chazz decided, was weird.
Chazz wasn't really okay with it.
In any other situation, he'd be thrilled. It would be like a dream come true to have someone sucking him off and not asking for a damn thing in return, but Chazz wanted to reciprocate. He thought - frankly, he thought it would be pretty fucking hot. The thought of performing oral sex on Jimmy MacElroy, watching Jimmy's face twist in pleasure, Chazz wanted to be there for that. The very idea had him harder than - than something that was really hard.
Yeah, Chazz was going to be there for that.
**
When Coach showed up at the apartment unannounced, Jimmy made a big point of talking about how lucky it was that Chazz was wearing pants for once. Coach looked immediately uncomfortable and probably would never drop by without calling first again. It was the only good thing to come out of Jimmy's weird pants obsession.
"It's my thighs," Chazz said, nudging Coach's shoulder. "He sees them and he's just useless the rest of the day."
"Please don't tell me this," Coach said. "I came to see how the ankle is. Jesse said the physical therapy was going well."
"Good as new," Chazz agreed.
Coach smacked him on the back. "Good, then I expect to see you two on the ice tomorrow morning. 6 am."
"Guess the honeymoon's over, Jimmy," Chazz said.
**
Chazz's ankle was fine, and it felt good to be on the ice. Easy. He'd missed the smell, the cold air mixed with the slight aroma of fish in the warehouse, which all right, wasn't all that pleasant. He'd missed it anyway.
"We're gold medalists," Jimmy said. "We could probably move to a real rink, couldn't we?"
Coach shrugged and ordered Jimmy onto the ice.
It felt good. Easy. Skating with someone you were getting sexy with, however, turned out to be more difficult.
Every move Jimmy made on the ice suddenly equaled sex to Chazz. It was unbearable. And whereas Jimmy used to be indifferent during the holds, he now jumped away or curled in on himself when Chazz's hands got too close to any sensitive areas. Chazz, meanwhile, was skating with a constant erection.
"Stop," Jimmy said every once in a while, skating around Chazz in a circle.
"Stop what?" Chazz asked eventually.
"You're watching me like -"
"Like what?" Chazz prodded.
"Like if I get too close to you you'll rip my clothes off," Jimmy hissed. "I'm serious. Stop. It's creepy."
Chazz really did try to stop, but he also really did want to rip Jimmy's clothes off every time he got close, so it didn't work well. It was going to be a problem.
**
"Where are you going?" Chazz asked. He'd almost fallen asleep when he felt Jimmy untangle himself from Chazz's arms and scoot out of the bed. He opened his eyes and saw Jimmy sliding on his clothes.
"I'm going to bed," Jimmy said, simply.
"This bed is huge," Chazz said. "It's gigantic."
"Okay," Jimmy sighed. He pulled on his shirt and shook his head when Chazz beckoned him. "Let me go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. I'll come back."
"Good," Chazz grunted.
He passed out while Jimmy was still in the bathroom and woke up the next morning to find Jimmy curled up in his own bed.
"What the hell happened to you?" Chazz asked when Jimmy walked into the kitchen.
"What?" Jimmy asked.
Chazz stuffed half his waffle in his mouth and then gestured toward his room with the fork.
"Oh. I thought - I didn't want to wake you up," Jimmy reasoned. "I was being considerate."
Chazz snorted and drank his milk.
**
Jimmy had some intimacy issues. That wasn't surprising. The first person Jimmy ever got naked with was Chazz, so it definitely wasn't a surprise. And anyway, Chazz wasn't exactly intimacy issue free either.
Chazz could deal with the arguments over Chazz's pants, he could even hold off on introducing Jimmy to the joys of the receiving end of oral sex, but the bedroom thing, the bedroom thing was the thing that Chazz really got worked up about.
Chazz had always been good at reading people, particularly female people, but people in general as well. Sometimes he could tell all he needed to know about someone before they even spoke. It was all about body language. Chazz was good with bodies, good with language, and he was usually right.
Jimmy MacElroy, Chazz had been convinced, was a cuddler. During Chazz's brief period of actively not touching Jimmy, it was one of the thoughts he used to convince himself to keep not touching Jimmy. Jimmy was a cuddler, and as soon as Chazz released that inner cuddling demon, Chazz would be trapped in a soul crushing cage of limbs for all of eternity.
When you were a sex addict, it was easy to justify a lot. He hadn't wanted to kiss Jimmy in the beginning, but when he did and discovered that it was insanely sexy and something that he immediately wanted to do again and a lot, it was easy to justify and say that hey, it made sense. He hadn't actually had sex in over eight days by that time - it was close to a record - and Jimmy was very willing once they got going.
When thoughts of Jimmy started creeping into Chazz's morning jerk-off session, Chazz figured it was just that Jimmy was really the only person Chazz was spending time with anymore, and Jimmy, though clearly not actually a girl at all - there was no mistaking the junk Chazz had to hold daily - was still pretty girly. He smelled nice and had soft hair and skin. He smiled a lot and he had that nice round ass. He was a lot more appealing than Coach in any case.
It wasn't until Chazz broke his ankle and stopped skating and started to realize how much he needed to touch Jimmy that it got kind of fucked up. And then, as soon as Chazz realized it, it was like he craved it, that contact. Chazz started going out of his way to touch Jimmy, started noticing the way that Jimmy's body moved off the ice where previously he'd only really paid attention when they were on. He'd be talking to Jimmy and touching him without even realizing what he was doing.
Every day the soul crushing limb cage started to sound better and better. Chazz wanted that cage.
The kicker was when Jimmy, for some reason that Chazz still couldn't really figure out, decided to pick out a hooker for Chazz. Jimmy'd printed out a picture with the woman's name and phone number. She was blonde with insanely large breasts and full lips and all Chazz could do was stare blankly at her gigantic boobs and think about how he'd much rather fondle the flat-chested man sitting next to him
It was pretty high on the list of messed up moments in Chazz's life.
But Chazz was a sex addict, and when you were a sex addict just about anything could be justified. And so Chazz went for it.
And Jimmy, as it turned out, wasn't much of a cuddler at all. It blew Chazz's mind.
Jimmy wouldn’t even share a damn bed with Chazz for God's sake.
It was a quality that normally Chazz loved. He had his share of relationships, of arrangements, but most of the time, after the first week or so, Chazz would really rather wake up in his bed alone. Chazz would have loved it if his last girlfriend had been as averse to sharing a bed as Jimmy was turning out to be. Before the whole thing started he thought he would have loved to discover it about Jimmy too. Turned out he didn't.
Chazz tried turning the limb cage around on MacElroy, wrapping his body around Jimmy, making himself as comfortable as possible so Jimmy wouldn't want to leave.
Instead Jimmy said, "I think you're suffocating me."
He'd tried it again the next night and Jimmy had complained, "Your hairy chest is tickling my nose." And then he'd sneezed on Chazz.
It wasn't really the cuddling. Chazz didn't want to snuggle with Jimmy and his stuffed animals so much. But there was something to be said about a sated sweaty tangle of limbs, waking up to the smell of spent lust and going at it again right then and there.
"That’s kind of gross," Jimmy commented when Chazz had said as much to him.
"It isn't," Chazz countered. Jimmy didn't know what the hell he was talking about half the time.
"Spent lust?" Jimmy asked, his face twisted. "Who says that?"
Chazz had said it, had written about it in several of his poems, but he wasn't about to mention that now.
"We'll see, MacElroy," Chazz said, pointed a finger at Jimmy, and backed out of the kitchen. Jimmy shook his head and watched him go, shoveling another spoonful of cereal into his mouth.
In retrospect, it probably would have been a better conversation to have in the bedroom, right after the lust was spent.
**
Jimmy was nuzzling Chazz's arm, his hands roaming across Chazz's skin, caressing, stroking. They'd had another lousy day on the ice. They skated crappy and they fought and they'd both fallen several times and Coach yelled a lot and all Chazz really wanted to do was get naked with Jimmy. He said as much on the way back to the apartment, repeated it louder when Coach pointedly turned up the radio, and shortly after they'd gotten in, Chazz found Jimmy waiting in the bedroom in his underwear.
In that moment, Chazz had been pretty sure that Jimmy was his favorite person ever. But he certainly wasn't going to say that to Jimmy, so instead he covered his eyes dramatically and said, "Where are your pants? I can't believe you're walking around without pants on."
"Shut up," Jimmy said.
Chazz didn't need to be told twice.
Chazz was having a hard time keeping track of Jimmy's hands. They were on his nipples, pulling at the hairs on his stomach, cupping his balls, and then - "Dude," Chazz said, his whole body clenched. "Is that your finger?"
"Yes," Jimmy said. He pressed a little and Chazz shook his head.
"Okay, stop."
Jimmy rolled his eyes, but the pressure disappeared and Chazz relaxed until he realized that Jimmy's hands were gone entirely. Jimmy was staring at him, frowning.
"You're pausing sex?" Chazz asked.
Jimmy frowned some more and then huffed a little, screwed up his face and then visibly forced himself to relax again. It was odd.
"What the hell was that?"
"Can I -?" Jimmy asked and gestured toward Chazz. "I mean - I've never done this and - I think you'll like it. I really like it."
"Done wh -" Chazz started and then caught on. "No."
"Chazz -"
"I have done it," Chazz lied. "It wasn't for me."
Jimmy didn't look like he was buying that. "You didn't like it?" He asked, doubtful.
"No."
"Well, then they were doing it wrong," Jimmy insisted.
"I don't care," Chazz said.
"You would care if you -" Jimmy paused and then sighed, his hand moving to rest on Chazz's naked chest, his fingers pulling a little at the hair. "I'll let you - you know."
"No," Chazz said, looking down at Jimmy's hand. "I don't know."
"I'll let you blow me," Jimmy clarified. The last part was mumbled and hard to understand.
"Oh." Chazz contemplated the pros and cons. He kind of really wanted to give a blowjob. He also kind of really did not want anything stuck up his butt. He tried to picture it; on his back, vulnerable, legs spread and - "No fucking way."
"But, - You won't just try?" Jimmy asked, incredulous.
Chazz knocked Jimmy's hand away and crossed his own arms over his chest.
"So I'm not going to be having any actual sex anytime soon."
"You are having actual sex," Chazz said. "Better. You're having sex with Chazz Michael Michaels."
"Great," Jimmy said, and Chazz frowned. He actually did think that Jimmy was having actual sex. That they were. And the orgasms were pretty great as far as Chazz was concerned.
"And anyway, what kind of trade is that?" Chazz said, annoyed. "You get your dick sucked and you get to fuck me. How does that sound fair to you?"
Jimmy squinted at Chazz. "Okay, so then how is what we're doing now fair to me, jackass?"
"It's fair because you could have your dick sucked all you want," Chazz said. He thought about it and then added, "By a master."
Jimmy climbed off the bed.
"Oh, come on," Chazz groaned. "Where are you going?"
"We have to skate tomorrow," Jimmy said. "Maybe if we get a full night's sleep we won't suck."
"You don't think I'll let us sleep if you stay in here?" Chazz asked. He patted the mattress and rolled on his side and tried to look inviting.
Jimmy shrugged and picked up his shirt from the floor, pulled it over his head. "I like sleeping in my room."
"Fine," Chazz said, swinging his legs off the bed and standing up beside Jimmy.
"What?" Jimmy asked.
"We're sleeping in your room then," Chazz said simply. He nudged Jimmy out the door.
"We?"
Chazz shoved the stuffed animals from Jimmy's bed and climbed under the covers. Jimmy hesitated and then he sighed and crawled in, settling beside Chazz. Jimmy's bed was smaller than Chazz's and it was easy to reach out and wrap an arm around Jimmy's waist, pull him in until Jimmy's back was pressed to Chazz's chest.
"Comfortable, isn't it?" Chazz asked. Jimmy wasn't comfortable, Chazz could tell. His entire body felt stiff. Chazz didn't care.
"I guess," Jimmy agreed.
Chazz was not about to let go. "Good."
**
"This isn't working," Jimmy said, his hands on his hips, his breathing hard.
Chazz was skating around with his constant erection, trying to make sure no one noticed, and trying to touch Jimmy as little as possible. As a result he'd fallen during a simple spin, and dropped Jimmy twice. Jimmy could tell that Chazz wasn't in it, and he'd put up his guard. It made him tight and difficult to handle.
"You look exhausted," Jesse noted. He reached out and pressed the back of his hand to Jimmy's forehead.
Jimmy shrugged him off. "I didn't sleep well."
Chazz kicked at the ice with his skate and almost fell. Jimmy had been in the shower when Chazz woke up. Jimmy's side of the bed was already cool. Chazz had a feeling Jimmy had waited until Chazz fell asleep and then slept somewhere else. He couldn't figure out what the hell the stupid problem was. In every other case, Chazz was the one itching to sneak out in the middle of the night. It was almost never the other way around.
"We suck," Jimmy said.
"You suck," Chazz disagreed, suddenly annoyed. "I don't. You won't let me."
Jimmy's mouth dropped open and he stared at Chazz. "What are you doing?" he hissed.
"Where did you sleep?" Chazz asked. "The couch? I know it couldn't have been in my bed."
"Are you joking right now?" Jimmy asked. He looked over at Coach and Jesse.
"You know what?" Chazz continued. "I could live with Coach again and not have to wear pants ever."
"No," Coach called. "You couldn't."
"Fine," Jimmy said, fed up. "Move out then!"
"I'm going to," Chazz snapped.
"Good."
"Okay."
"Are we here to skate or fight like a bunch of fourteen year old girls?" Coach asked.
It turned out that they sucked a lot less on the ice when they weren't speaking to one another.
**
The fight was short, pretty lame really as far as their fights went. But Chazz had accidentally started it again on the way home, and when they got back to the apartment, Jimmy folded his arms over his chest and watched while Chazz packed his stuff.
"We'll probably skate better," Jimmy said. "It's probably a good thing."
"It's probably a good thing," Chazz mocked when he reached the street, his bag slung over his shoulder.
**
"No," Coach said immediately, and tried to shut the front door in Chazz's face. Chazz was too quick and got his boot in first. It hurt, but at least he was in.
"Just for two nights," Chazz said. "Come on."
"I told you you weren't coming back here," Coach grunted, but he released the door and he stood aside and let Chazz in.
Jesse was on the couch and he rolled his eyes when he saw who it was.
"Two nights," Chazz repeated and held up two fingers.
"Sure," Jesse sighed.
**
Chazz had really sort of missed the bunk beds.
"Guess where I am," he said when Jimmy finally answered his phone.
"Hi," Jimmy said. "I don't know. Coach's house."
"Yes," Chazz agreed. "I meant where in Coach's house."
"Are we skating today? Ask Coach."
"The bottom bunk," Chazz said, ignoring Jimmy's request.
The plan was to talk Jimmy into having phone sex, but Jimmy was clearly a beginner at this as well.
"Guess what I'm wearing," Chazz said suggestively.
"Probably not a whole lot, knowing you" Jimmy said, his tone dry.
Chazz was actually wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. He dropped the phone on the bed and pushed down his pants, yanked off his shirt, and then said, "You're right. Do you want to know where my hand is?"
"No."
"Jimmy - " Chazz sighed frustrated. "This morning I jerked off thinking about you. In the bottom bunk. Where I am now. You get me so fucking hot. You have no idea."
"Gross. Listen, I'm really - we need to skate more. We're really not good and I don't know how that happened."
"Have you ever heard of phone sex?" Chazz asked. He wasn't sure why he'd even bothered to take off his pants at all.
"We're fighting," Jimmy said. "We're not supposed to be having any sex. We're supposed to be skating."
"Fine," Chazz grabbed his shirt and sat up on the bed. "I'll see you at the warehouse in an hour."
**
Jimmy was evil. Coach had been his coach for too long, and Jimmy had learned some things about torture. In the day and a half that Chazz had been living at Coach's, Jimmy had apparently been brainstorming, and somewhere in his cotton candy filled head had decided that the way to get over the sexy figure skating thing was to rehearse the sexy parts over and over again until all of the sexiness was drained out of them.
Chazz thought Jimmy was probably underestimating the sexy switch in Chazz's brain by about - well, by a lot.
"You can't fondle me like that," Jimmy complained. "I'm going to fall on my head. Let's do it again."
"I wasn't fondling you," Chazz argued. "I was grabbing your junk. It's part of the lift."
"I know it's part of - you were rubbing your fingers on my balls," Jimmy accused. "That's not part of the lift."
"Maybe," Chazz conceded.
What was worse, Jimmy didn't even want to be fondled when they weren't in the middle of a lift.
"What's more important to you?" Jimmy asked, after he'd pushed Chazz and Chazz's tongue away from his neck. "Making out or another gold medal?"
At this point it was pretty much a toss-up.
Chazz shouldn't have moved out. He wasn't sure that he realized that moving out meant that he would be instantly cut off from Jimmy. He'd sort of thought it would mean sex in semi-public places and over the phone and in the back of Jimmy's car. In the bunk beds.
"What's with the bed thing," Chazz asked.
"What bed thing?"
"Oh, don't you 'what bed thing?' me," Chazz warned.
"I don't - Okay, look. I've never really done this before," Jimmy stumbled. "And you're - I mean, I don't think - It's not really a good idea if -"
"What?" Chazz prodded, trying to translate Jimmy's truncated sentences. "Spit it out." He was getting to the bottom of this, and he was getting to the bottom of it now.
"I'm afraid if I like get too, you know, close or like, attached - I don't want to fall in love with you," Jimmy finally blurted.
"Oh."
Jimmy quickly continued. "I've never been in love, so I don't know, maybe it's not that easy, but I didn't think you'd want that either. So we shouldn't - I want to keep skating with you, Chazz. But since I'm, um, new at this, and you don't - I mean, I assume from - you don't want like a real thing or anything so - we should just keep it at sex. Or maybe stop the sex even."
"We live together," Chazz pointed out. They didn't actually, but most of Chazz's stuff was there, so it wasn't like they really didn't live together either.
"Yeah," Jimmy agreed. "But we aren't like - I mean, it's not. We live together and we have sex, but we're not like - I just think that because I don't have a lot of experience and you do that we should maybe not get too involved, and for me, sleeping in the same bed is probably too involved."
"But having my dick up your ass isn't," Chazz said.
Jimmy winced. "We're here to skate," he said.
"You're not making sense, you know this right?"
"I think my first relationship should be with someone who is um, well, not you, maybe."
Chazz was surprised by how much the statement offended and hurt him.
"That's sweet, MacElroy," he said.
"What?" Jimmy asked, looking at Chazz like he thought Chazz was the completely ridiculous one. "You're saying you want to be boyfriends?"
Chazz snorted. "No." They weren't in middle school.
"Okay, then let's do the lift again."
**
"What are you still doing here?" Jesse asked. "You said two days." It had been four. "You're like a permanent fixture on this couch."
"Avoiding MacElroy," Chazz said, his words clipped. "He finds me irresistible. It's a problem for him."
"Why?"
"He's trying not to fall in love with me. It happens all the time. Part of the curse of being me, I guess."
Jesse laughed.
"I wasn't kidding."
"I know," Jesse said. "Do you want him to not fall in love with you?"
Chazz shrugged. "We're partners. We're not getting married here. I can share."
Jesse nodded and slapped Chazz on the shoulder, chuckling slightly before disappearing into Coach's bedroom.
"I don't know why you're still laughing," Chazz called after him.
**
Chazz watched as Jimmy transitioned the camel into a sit spin. Chazz had his fingers pressed to his chin, pretending to critique the technical aspects of the move. He wasn't paying any attention to the technical aspects. He was watching the blurred muscles of Jimmy's back as he changed positions. Also, Jimmy, Chazz was pretty sure, had the longest neck that Chazz had ever seen. Chazz wondered if a woman - if Katie, for instance - would appreciate a long neck like that.
"Well?" Jimmy asked after coming out of the spin and skating toward Chazz.
"Are you going to get back together with Katie?" Chazz asked, the words hurtling out of his mouth.
"What?"
"Katie. Are you - she'd be good at a relationship. She's that type."
"She's already in a relationship. Practically, anyway." Jimmy had set her up with some dude he knew from the job he had when they weren't skating. They skied together. Katie and this dude. Not Jimmy. Jimmy was shit on skis. Chazz had met the guy and he seemed a little lame. Katie smiled a lot with him and said often that she was so relieved to not have a whole lot to do with skating anymore, but Chazz noticed that she still stared at Jimmy sometimes.
"She'd rather be in one with you," Chazz pointed out.
"She would not."
"But if she did - you would."
"I don't know," Jimmy said. "Maybe. Katie's sweet. Sure."
Chazz nodded and ignored the burning in his chest. He'd eaten chili for lunch. He should have known better.
"You aren't going to skate today?" Jimmy asked.
"My ankle hurts," Chazz lied.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Chazz said. "I got drunk. Slipped on the ladder to the bunks. About what you'd expect. Keep skating. I'm fine."
Jimmy nodded and skated away, fluidly transitioning into a scratch spin. Jimmy was completely aware of every inch of his body on the ice, every move reached the absolute tips of his fingers, his toes. Off the ice, Jimmy didn't seem to have any idea of what he was capable of doing to people. He was like a sex addict's dream come true.
Jimmy sped up and launched into a triple axle, gracefully, landing perfectly. He made the jump look effortless. He stopped on the ice, his skate kicking up a slight spray.
Katie, Chazz remembered, had a nice mouth. There was no question that Jimmy would do things with Katie that he was too uncomfortable - for whatever reason - to do with Chazz. The things that Chazz refused to do for Jimmy. Jimmy wasn't afraid of falling in love with Katie.
He pictured it in his head, Jimmy's mouth on Katie's breasts, Katie writhing under Jimmy's touch. He saw Jimmy's eyes squeezed shut, his lashes fluttering against his cheek, his mouth slack. He heard the soft panting noises that Jimmy would make when he let Katie suck his cock.
Katie was a sweet girl. She'd be good at it, good enough to make it enjoyable, but she wouldn't want it. Not like Chazz did.
"You're sure you're okay?" Jimmy asked again. They were there to skate together, to get comfortable together on the ice again. Chazz watching from the sidelines sort of defeated the purpose.
Chazz wasn't okay, but it wasn't his ankle. He held out an arm to Jimmy and Jimmy skated back over to help Chazz up. As soon as he felt Jimmy's hand close firmly around his, Chazz pulled. Jimmy stumbled forward, his toe pick catching on the ice as he fell against Chazz.
"Wha -" Jimmy started, but Chazz didn't wait to hear the rest. He kissed Jimmy desperately, possessively, clutching Jimmy close to his body. He shifted until Jimmy was sprawled across the crate that Chazz had been perched on, Chazz above him, tasting, claiming. His hands pulled at the waist band of Jimmy's pants, pushing until they were around Jimmy's knees, his underwear with them.
"Chazz -" Jimmy gasped, but Chazz didn't want to talk and he silenced Jimmy again with his mouth, with his tongue.
Chazz had always had a hard-on for conquest, and it only seemed to get harder when he was around Jimmy MacElroy. He couldn't resist it. He pulled away from Jimmy's mouth, broke the kiss, and dropped to his knees. He didn't hesitate, didn't wait for Jimmy to catch on. He just went for it.
"What are you - Oh God, stop," Jimmy gasped, involuntarily thrusting just a little into Chazz's mouth.
The ice was hard beneath Chazz's knees. He could feel the cold seeping through his pants. He didn't care.
He heard Jimmy whimper above him and felt Jimmy's hand grip the side of his head. To push Chazz away, he was sure, but Chazz, anticipating the move, slid his hand back behind Jimmy's balls, and then further, so that instead of pushing Chazz away, Jimmy moaned and tried to move closer to Chazz's hand, deeper into Chazz's mouth. Jimmy's hand, instead of pushing, tangled into Chazz's hair and pulled just a little.
Jimmy had been skating for over an hour and his skin was warm and a little damp from the exertion. Chazz fisted Jimmy's dick and turned the attentions of his mouth to Jimmy's balls, nuzzling and licking, wetting them with his tongue. He felt drunk or high or both. He'd known it would be good, but it surprised him how much he was getting off on the taste of Jimmy, the smell of Jimmy, the slide of Jimmy against his tongue. His knees ached and he ignored it, slipping his free hand into his pants, and moaning a little at the contact.
Jimmy untangled his fingers from Chazz's hair, pressed them to Chazz's face, Chazz's cheek, trying to feel himself in Chazz's mouth. Chazz almost came right then and there.
He had never understood before. He'd never understood those men who lurked in dark corners, waited patiently for someone willing to stick a dick in their mouths. He'd never gotten it, but he thought that now, with Jimmy's hands pressed to his face, he almost understood.
He pulled away, replaced his mouth with his hand, and then bit the inside of Jimmy's thigh, gently. Chazz shuddered and came into his palm and as soon as the shock began to fade he was back, his mouth tasting every inch of Jimmy. It wasn't long before Jimmy gasped, his body going stiff as he arched his back and came on Chazz's face.
Chazz wiped his cheek on the edge of Jimmy's shirt and pulled himself up off the floor. His knees cracked.
Jimmy, sprawled on a freezing box, his skates on and his pants around his ankles, was still breathing hard. He looked up at Chazz and said, "Sorry. I should have said -" and then he trailed off, suddenly self conscious that he was half naked with Chazz standing over him.
Chazz, slightly smug, couldn't help but think that Jimmy's final act wouldn't have gone over well with Katie Van Waldenburg at all. With Fairchild, maybe, but Chazz knew girls like Katie, and girls like that did not like semen facials.
Turned out Chazz really kind of did.
"I -" Jimmy tried to say. "I -"
"I told you that you were missing out," Chazz said. "I'm the master."
Jimmy just nodded and looked down at himself.
"I'm moving back in," Chazz said. He gripped Jimmy's shoulders, leaned in and kissed Jimmy's mouth. "And the separate bed crap is retarded."
"But -"
"I don't care."
Jimmy frowned and shook his head, pushed Chazz's hands away and pulled up his pants. "What if -"
"Stop talking."
"Chazz -"
"No. You were supposed to have your first relationship in elementary school like normal people. You didn't, that's your fault. You're having it now."
"Yeah," Jimmy said. "But with you?"
"What's wrong with me?"
"You're not even good at friendships. Half the time you're not even a good acquaintance."
"I'm good at sex. And figure skating."
"So?"
"Dude." Chazz was getting exasperated. He'd been pretty convinced that the blow job was going to transform Jimmy into a pile of goo who would just agree with everything Chazz said as long as it meant that he'd have Chazz's mouth wrapped around his dick again. He wasn't sure what went wrong. "I'm good at relationships."
Jimmy raised his eyebrows.
"I'm moving back in and we're sharing a damn room," Chazz announced.
"Chazz," Jimmy started again.
"I'm not backing down on this," Chazz warned.
Jimmy's mouth opened and closed, his brow furrowed like he was weighing his options.
"I want to switch places," Jimmy said, finally. "Just once."
"What?" Chazz asked and gestured toward the ice. They'd already added some reverse holds to their routine.
"No," Jimmy said. "In bed."
"Come on," Chazz sighed. "You're kidding."
**
Chazz had a choice. He could get over himself and move back in with Jimmy and have a lot of sex, or he could sit on Coach's couch without his pants, drinking beer, and picturing Jimmy enjoying naked time with Katie Van Waldenburg.
"Will you put on some damn clothes?" Coach asked, poking his head in from the dining room. "You don't see me walking around naked and it's my damn house."
"He would be too," Jesse said. "If you weren't here." He looked pointedly at Chazz.
Chazz regarded Jesse, frowned and said, "You take it up the ass, yeah?"
Jesse held up a hand. "I am not having this conversation with you. No."
Chazz shook his head, not really listening to Jesse's response. "What am I saying? Of course you do."
"I'm walking away now," Jesse continued.
"It's pretty damn gay, isn't it," Chazz said. "Don't you feel - does it - I can't fucking. No way. I'm a man, for God's sakes."
"Please tell me I didn't just hear that," Jesse said, turning on his heel and returning to the living room.
"What? I was saying -"
"You're saying you want to have a talk about what men do and do not do."
"Jesus," Chazz sighed and downed the rest of his beer, crushed the can in his hand. A talk with Jesse was about the last thing that Chazz wanted.
"Go put on some fucking clothes," Jesse snapped and stalked out of the room.
**
Chazz didn't put clothes on. In fact, he took more off. He did leave the living room though. He didn't need Jesse ogling the goods.
The thing was, Chazz didn't suck at relationships. He'd always thought he was pretty good at them. He liked them, even, sometimes. The certainty of sex. It was nice. The problem was that when you were a sex addict, it was just so damn easy to stray. Chazz's problem with relationships wasn't necessarily that he had a fear of commitment. He'd made plenty of commitments over the years. His last girlfriend, hell, that relationship lasted nearly four years, off and on. Chazz's problem was sex. In the beginning it was great mind blowing sex every chance they got, but inevitably Chazz's girlfriends grew tired of the constant screwing and that was when Chazz fucked it up. It was inevitable.
Right now, sex with Jimmy was fantastic and different and new and insanely hot. And Chazz wasn't satisfied. Not because he wasn't having intense orgasms all the time - he was - or he had been before the whole not having sex anymore thing started. The problem was that when Chazz was having sex with the same person as often as he was having sex with Jimmy, Chazz really kind of wanted a relationship of some sort. He wanted to walk around naked and not shower or shower together. He wanted to fuck on every piece of furniture they owned and make amateur porn. He wanted to wake up sticky, not sure which set of legs were his own.
Chazz spent a lot of time telling everyone that he didn't need them. Didn't need any of them. It had stopped being true a long time ago. And right now Chazz wanted a soul crushing cage of limbs, damnit.
He tried to imagine continuing to skate with Jimmy, keeping his hands off Jimmy when they were off the ice. He imagined Jimmy and Katie having disgustingly cute picnics in a park, Jimmy fondling Katie's breasts through her linen blouse. Jimmy probably wouldn't ever do that, not in public anyway, but Chazz imagined it anyway and frankly, it pissed him off. He wanted Jimmy fondling him in public. He wanted to be the one protesting the very idea of the relationship. That was how these things went. If Chazz was against it from the beginning, then it came as no surprise when he fucked it up in the end.
The point was, he wanted to be in Jimmy's bed, not alone and naked in the bottom bunk.
Chazz's hand slid down his naked abdomen. He'd been hard long before he thought about Jimmy fondling him in public. He teased himself for a little while and then bent his knees, let his hand travel a little further. His fingers were slick and he rubbed them against his asshole, testing. It didn't feel bad. It was a little pleasant even, the external stimulation. He slid one finger inside, just a little. He remembered this from the few times it had been done to him before. He remembered feeling numb, plastered, not caring what was done to him as long as the orgasm was soon. Soon. Now, completely sober, it just kind of felt clinical. Even with the hard on.
Clinical, but not awful. It was sort of sexy when he thought about it, lying naked in the bottom bunk, legs bent, spread wide. He almost wished Jimmy was here to see it. He pressed his finger deeper and then pulled it back out.
Jimmy enjoyed this. He moaned and asked for it and came so hard that sometimes he embarrassed himself. It wasn't like Chazz didn't know about the prostate gland. He wasn't a complete moron. He certainly knew exactly where Jimmy's was by now. And Jimmy probably should use his dick a little more. A lot more. He was nearly thirty and it was just cruel the way he'd been neglecting it all these years.
Chazz touched himself again, closed his eyes and saw Jimmy's face as he slid into Katie Van Waldenburg, his mouth on her breast and his eyes bright.
"Fuck this," Chazz said and climbed out of the bunk, grabbed his pants.
**
"What are you doing here?" Jimmy asked when Chazz barged into the apartment. Chazz didn't answer, instead grabbed Jimmy's arm and pulled him toward Jimmy's room.
"We're doing this thing," Chazz announced and started removing his clothes.
Jimmy crossed his arms over his chest and stared at Chazz. "What thing?"
"The thing with you sticking things in my ass," Chazz said. He reached out and grabbed Jimmy's arms, pulled them away from Jimmy's chest, and then pushed Jimmy's shirt up and over his head.
"Now?" Jimmy asked.
"Yes, now," Chazz hissed, pushing down his pants. "You've got about ten seconds before I change my mind."
Chazz kicked off his shoes and pants and threw himself on the bed. Jimmy stood in the center of the room and stared.
"Nine," Chazz prompted.
"I don't know if this is a good idea," Jimmy said.
"This is a great idea," Chazz countered. "Eight."
"I was going to make a sandwich," Jimmy said, and turned toward the kitchen.
"Seven," Chazz said. "I'm really not kidding here with this counting thing." Truth was, Jimmy's hesitation had him wanting to count faster, just call the whole thing off before he even got to one.
Chazz stuck his finger in his mouth, moaned a little to get Jimmy's attention. It worked. Jimmy turned away from the door, watched Chazz suck on his finger, his actions purposely lewd. Jimmy's mouth fell open just a little. "What are you doing?" Jimmy asked eventually.
"Six," Chazz said, and slid his hand back behind his balls.
Jimmy swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing up and down.
"Five," Chazz said, his other hand reaching for his dick, fingers slowly wrapping around. Chazz groaned a little at the contact.
Jimmy's mouth dropped open again and then he was moving, knocking Chazz's hand away, replacing it with his own. He watched as Chazz's finger disappeared into himself, and then Jimmy looked up and said, "Okay. Okay, let's do it."
**
Jimmy stopped.
"What?" Chazz asked. He was ready. He was pretty damn sure he was ready. He wanted to get going with this thing, get to the scary stuff, then the good stuff. But Jimmy was preoccupied, Jimmy was exploring, and now Jimmy was staring at him, lips parted slightly, eyes wide. "What?" Chazz asked again. He moved his hips a little, pushing closer to Jimmy.
"I can feel your heartbeat in here," Jimmy said, as though it was the coolest thing he'd ever felt. Jimmy's voice was almost a whisper and Chazz had to lean forward to hear it.
"Oh," Chazz said.
"If I press right here," Jimmy said, and he pressed his fingers a little harder, and then stopped, staring down at Chazz like he couldn't believe how amazing it was. Like he couldn't press his fingers to Chazz's wrist or neck and feel the same thing.
Jimmy pushed his fingers deeper, and Chazz moaned just a little. It was pretty good, this, Jimmy's fingers probing and stretching, Jimmy's tongue caressing Chazz's dick every now and then, just enough to keep Chazz interested, to drive him crazy.
"I'm ready," Chazz said. "Come on."
**
"Oh my God," Chazz moaned. He wrapped a leg around Jimmy and clung to his shoulders, tried to pull him closer, deeper. "Oh Jesus."
"Stop?" Jimmy panted. It had been touch and go for a while there. Chazz had been positive that there was no way that Jimmy's dick could possibly fit, couldn't believe that he'd done this to Jimmy, done it a lot, and that Jimmy had never once complained. Jimmy assured him it got better, and Chazz had gritted his teeth, told Jimmy to move.
It got better.
"God, no," Chazz gasped. "Fuck. Do not stop. I will physically hurt you if you - Oh -"
Chazz had been so fucking wrong. He was a sex addict and he'd been missing out on some of the best sex of his life for years. Decades. It was the biggest mistake he ever made, and as soon as this was over, Chazz planned to do it again, and again.
Jimmy's hand was stroking him, Jimmy's dick was stroking him. Chazz was being thoroughly stroked and if Jimmy stopped now, Chazz would - Jimmy hit that spot again and Chazz felt a jolt as he thrust into Jimmy's palm. Jimmy was panting, sweating. Chazz licked his neck and tasted salt. Jimmy's response was a sharp intake of breath, a sharper thrust that made Chazz groan low in his throat. If this is what gay felt like, then Chazz Michael Michaels was all for acting a little fucking gay.
**
Chazz officially loved his prostate. Chazz planned to write an entire book of sonnets, odes to the prostate. He was going to get right on that, as soon as he could form words.
"That was - " Jimmy said, stopped mid-sentence, his breathing still heavy. "We're going to do that again, right? I can do that again?"
"Maybe," Chazz said. They were absolutely doing that again.
"You were so - " Jimmy started again. "Did it - it got better, right? It seemed like it got better."
Chazz grunted and sniffed Jimmy's neck. "It was good," he said.
"Okay," Jimmy said. He sounded flustered. Chazz didn't know how Jimmy had enough energy left to sound flustered. "Okay, good."
"Don’t you dare tell Jesse about this," Chazz warned. "I'm serious."
Jimmy laughed, and started untangling himself from Chazz.
Chazz gripped Jimmy's arm. "Whoa. We had a deal."
"I'm turning off the light," Jimmy said. "That's it, I swear."
Chazz released Jimmy and watched as Jimmy scurried naked across the bedroom, hit the light switch hard, and rushed back to the bed, immediately draping himself back across Chazz. Chazz sighed, the weight of Jimmy comfortable, his body still strumming just a little from orgasm, his eyelids heavy. Jimmy made a noise and touched the hair on Chazz's chest, brought his hand up and touched Chazz's neck. He didn't make any excuse about washing up or brushing his teeth, or making a quick lasagna and coming back in a few minutes. He was relaxed and comfortable against Chazz. He smelled like sex and salt, shampoo and Chazz.
"Spent lust and tangled limbs," Chazz mused.
"What?" Jimmy asked.
"Spent lust," Chazz repeated. "Lying here covered in spit and sweat and sex. Nothing better." He was doing it on purpose. Testing, seeing how far he could go before Jimmy got disgusted and stormed out. "Semen," he added.
"I think you covered that with sex," Jimmy said.
"Shower," Chazz said, sticking to the lettered theme. "You're thinking about a shower now, aren't you."
"A little," Jimmy agreed.
"Too bad," Chazz said.
"It wasn't gross until you started talking about it." Chazz had always had a way with words.
Chazz shrugged. "You're hot this way."
Jimmy just grunted a little. Chazz's hand touched Jimmy's side, his hip, then settled on the inside of Jimmy's thigh. Jimmy didn't move or try to push Chazz away.
"Fall in love with me yet?" Chazz asked after a moment's silence.
Jimmy didn't answer immediately and for a moment Chazz thought he was already asleep.
"Um," Jimmy said, eventually. "Well, I don't - "
"Just wait," Chazz said, cutting Jimmy off. "I'm hard to resist."
Jimmy shook his head like he found that hard to believe. Jimmy didn't know what he was talking about half the time.
"I like you," Jimmy offered. "Most of the time."
Chazz smiled. "Good. I like you most of the time too."
"Good."
"You know, I'm probably going to screw this up," Chazz said. It was only fair to warn Jimmy. Chazz wanted it, but he knew himself, and he knew how things would eventually go.
"I know," Jimmy said, and gripped Chazz a little tighter.
It was good enough for him.