I'm trying to accept this. I know I can't talk to her anymore. I know I can't see her anymore. I was just thinking too far into the future. I was thinking about our futures together, forgetting that she hasn't lived a real life without me. I'm not afraid of the restraining order, because I know they couldn't get one (lack of evidence, lack of ( Read more... )

Don't let your friends read my shit.

God I hate this feeling. Surrounded by people that love me, yet I still feel alone.

Last few day ( Read more... )

It used to be, after a long hard day of working, I had someone to get a massage from. Well, today, I carried a shit load of fucking concrete blocks about a hundred yards, I dug a trench about 50 yards long, I smashed a rock repeatedly with a sledge hammer just to for it not even to break or anything (just got a little gully through it), threw out ( Read more... )

that's it, just feelin bummy . . . ah well, another hard day at work usually solves that and if I work to exhaustion, then I get home, sleep, and wake up a bunch, but do it all again, so it'll eventually get better.

That's all. I just miss you. You know who I'm talking about.

Yet another long, boring day. I worked for my landlord a while, cleaning up his newest purchase, another little cabin in the middle of nowhere. I got filthy cleaning up 20 years worth of trash and shit. Rat shit that is. And lots of it. There's also a giant dead rat in the main room of the cabin. I really hope that after I left someone cleaned that ( Read more... )

To wash away the pain with another bottle of beer. I don't get drunk any more, I just drink till I fall asleep or till I feel better about myself. . . . I feel blah

That's all. Nobody to talk to. All my friends are assholes or don't like me any more. I want to be Danielle's friend again, if not her lover, just her friend, because I like to simply talk to her. But tonight, I'm going to be talking to the bottom of the bottle again.