What hurts the most is that any chance I may have had, even just to be her friend, I pushed away with my immature actions. I pushed her into the arms of another. Even if she doesn't love him, I'm sure he is comforting her and she will fall in love with him. Falls can be dangerous, but can also be exhilarating. You can hurt yourself, but you can ( Read more... )

I love Danielle. It's hard now that she doesn't love me to admit that it's all my fault she is gone. I thought she found someone new. If he can love her the way I do now or the way I used to, then it is okay for me to let her go. I'm jealous, angry, depressed and confused and that is why I reverted to immatureactions and my immature self. I don't ( Read more... )

I got an engine for my car, I came to a lot of realizations, I calmed down and am less stressed, it was a good day.

I've been filing papers all day. It's easy. And I'm making good money doing it. And, I found a new engine for my car, so by this weekend, perhaps it will be legal to drive and I'll be able to cruise once again. Of course all my check will go into my freaking gas tank, but that's ok. I'll be cruising. Pimp my ride aint got nothin on me ( Read more... )

I guess I am glad I didn't do it. I still feel sad, but things are looking way up. Dani and I are going to be friends. That's a good step. I'm soing two things tomorrow that will help, I am going to a psychologist during the lunch break of my new job. And, I am going to my new job. I get to deal with criminal law as a paralegal. I'll do this for a ( Read more... )

Kayla has two loving parents, loving grandparents, and another loving uncle. She is too young to even care if I were gone. So fuck it.

So, the cops came. 5 hours after I threatened to do it, someone shows up (other than Culp). Dani must have called them. Thanks a bunch. I was just sleeping it off. Obviously she cares a little. Or maybe not. Maybe she doesn't want to be blamed for it. So, calling the cops was the least she could do. The very least. But that's not the reason I'm not ( Read more... )

for Culp Shirley. Isn't that the wierdest thing a person could ever say. Well, he knocked on my door, but I was already in the tub, about to do something I might regret (if you can regret after you die) when he barged in, made me get out, and forced me to go with him. His advice, as usual, was not the greatest, but it showed me somebody cared. And ( Read more... )

Bought a six pack to drink up the courage. It's working. It'll also thin my blood to make me bleed faster. The bath is full. The knife is next to it. So is the ring she gave me. It doesn't need blood on it. I wanted to be friends at least. Book-buddies I wanted to call it. I wanted to be on her fucking top eight on fucking myspace (which is the ( Read more... )

I'm killing myself. Luckily nobody reads this. But if someone happens to, know it's not Danielle's fault. It's not my parents's fault. It's not my family's fault. I just realized how pointless life is. Especially now that I don't have the job I want, I don't live in the place I want. I don't have the life I want. I don't have the love I want. I don ( Read more... )