you're vicious like the blue sky, right before the rain.
Who; Neji & Hinata
What; Neji stops by the Hyuuga compound to get something and happens to run into his cousin. As she lives there.
When; Some recent morning before Tenten's party.
Where; ...The Hyuuga compound.
Warnings; Hyuuga angst. This is also incredibly, incredibly awkward.
Open; No.
Hinata tended to follow a routine. It was easy to slip into one, to go through the motions. She would rise at four, four-thirty, the dawn vague and hesitant at her window. She would stretch carefully, do a few sit ups just to energize her body. Sometimes, if it was a nice morning, she could go around to run before anyone could give her something to occupy herself with.
This was such a morning. She slipped on the top half of a jogging suit and a pair of old shorts and slipped out of her room, knowing that she wouldn't come across anyone. The sky was a light pink, and she stood there a moment, admiring the hues. Well, until she caught a movement out of the corner of her eye, and she jumped.
Who was awake?
...It occurred to her that it could be a rival gang member. Oh, drat. Why was she the only one awake?! Her footsteps her light against the floor, and she knew where to avoid the ones that creaked. Finally she reached...
That was Neji's old room. And that was Neji.
"Did you become a ninja in England, Neji-sama?"
The house was cold--but it always had been. A frigid just-after-the-dawn cold, which was why Neji preferred to come in the morning. At least then, he could pretend that the feeling belonged.
He hadn't exactly settled in with Tenten and Lee yet. But then it had always been hard for him to settle, especially when most of his time now was spent at the university, in the lab, anywhere that he didn't have to feel the walls or look behind the eyes and see nothing but ink printed on skin in the most unsettling of ways. That was what he always saw, though, and it was why he avoided this place the most of all. Well...not really. One of the reasons--but those weren't even reasons that Neji would admit to himself.
His room looked just like he'd left it less than a week before. Everything was still here--a testament to the fact that nothing ever changed in Hyuuga. It was what Neji was counting on, though. At least in this instance.
He bent over the bottom drawer of his desk and began to thumb through the files there. After his extended stay away from Keio, he needed to renew his records at the main university--a formality that did nothing but waste his time and force him to make a trip back to the house that smelled of nothing but death to him.
And then Hinata was almost at the door to his room, and Neji felt his shoulders tighten, his back straighten. He extracted the file he wanted without looking at it, and instead turned his head to face his cousin. Coming this early..he had hoped to avoid her.
"They don't train ninja in England," he said quietly. The unspoken, It was your father who trained me to be like this hung in the air at the end of the sentence.
Hinata wasn't sure whether or not to be surprised to see him. He'd been back for...she wasn't sure when he'd returned, and she supposed that was part of the issue. There had been a part of her that had...well, hoped something had softened in him. She hadn't seen him for ages, so all she'd had to work from was memory. Her memory had be a little too nice, slightly sweeter than the real Neji, but she only realized this now. A little prettier, too.
That wasn't Neji, who'd she remembered. It had been wishful thinking. To think she'd been looking forward to his return. To speak to him. In her mind, there had been whole extended fantasies about the two of them sitting down and talking about...well, him speaking to her about his trip, about what he'd learned, who he'd met. And she might have been able to tell him about...well, maybe her garden, or how her training was going.
But these imaginings all vanished when they'd actually spoken together, and all those defense mechanisms flew right back up. And how he was here, like she'd first imagined he would be, except...not like the way she had thought. It was early morning, and he was skulking around in his room. His old room, she supposed.
Maybe...maybe she shouldn't be treating him like this. It...they weren't all close, so it made a bit of sense that he hadn't...told her he was coming back. Or come to see her. Or written in the time that he was in England. She was hurt by his actions, but he probably didn't realize that. Neji was just that selfish. Hinata had always assumed, though, that he had a right to be as selfish as he pleased, what with all he'd gone up against in his life.
But that didn't change the blow he'd dealt, whether he knew it or not.
She swallowed. He stiffened when he heard her. His response was cold, and the accusing undertone wasn't lost on her. She didn't have to play along. She had in her journal, but online it was easier to be brave. Face-to-face? The words all got stuck to the roof of her mouth.
So she did what came easy to her, one of the first lessons she'd been taught on how to comport oneself. Hinata bowed low, which was the only bow she felt comfortable in, that deep one of respect. She was always afraid to be to curt. She was always afraid to look them in the eye.
"...Are you leaving now, ni--" The old familiar term almost fell out, but it wasn't fitting anymore. They weren't anything like siblings. "--Neji-sama?"
As he watched her lower herself, there was something that stung a bit in him. Neji knew that she wasn't mocking him, which just made it worse--Hinata could play the game. After all, she'd learned it particularly well from him. And yet he was not about to repent that fact. He'd made this bed, he would lie in it. The frigid sting of shame was a better bedmate than the hot hollow of her inevitable betrayal. Neji would take the cold any day.
It was somewhat pathetic how they treated each other, though. As children, they had been friendly--close, even. She hadn't changed since then, though, not really. Maybe she had gotten more romantic (because Neji could imagine what Hinata wanted from him; it read so clearly in her eyes. She would even settle for a smile, those white eyes told him, and to him that was pathetic. Didn't she know he hadn't smiled for years?), but whatever ideals she had gained, she'd also lost the childhood fervor that made her act--at least on him. Neji had clipped that out of her himself with one tight snip.
Neji could still hear it in her voice, though. Like a habit that could never really be erased.
He returned the bow, of course. But it wasn't ostentatious. He made no effort to flatten himself to the floor in order to take up the correct position for his status. If she wasn't going to behave like a Souke member, why should he treat her as one?
"Yes...I suppose so," he said quietly, watching her carefully, waiting for her to straighten. Stand up straight, a distant voice in his mind said make eye contact. He wasn't sure if it was an imperative for her...or for himself.
"You've grown."
Once she'd stood up straight once more, she didn't know what to do with her hands. She couldn't slip them into her pocket; that would seem too casual. She couldn't fold them across her chest; that would seem petulant. Hinata finally settled for allowed her hands to fall together in front of her.
Her eyes settled naturally on him. It never really bothered her that he never treated her with the respect others felt was her due. That her father felt was her due. Hinata understood that she didn't have the sort of personality that commanded respect, though, so she never expected it. In fact, she never desired it, either. She wanted to be a stronger person, of course, but not so that she could become someone that everyone would bow before, but...for herself.
(Or maybe to prove to her father that she could.)
It took her a second to understand what he'd said. Grown? She didn't feel like it. Perhaps she'd gotten a little taller (some of her clothes had gotten too short, but not for a year or so, now), but nothing drastic. But that made her really look at him...
And she decided he hadn't, not really. His outward persona was exactly the same...he hadn't grown. She didn't think she had, either. He was probably just trying to make conversation, which was nice of him, really.
"It has been a while." She brought up a thumb to her mouth without thinking about it, her teeth biting down on her nail. It was an old habit she'd thought herself rid of.
Oh, why wasn't she good at this speaking nonsense?
"Do you run?"
There was always something about Hinata's mannerisms that spoke clearly about the kind of person she was--they'd even been present within her as a child. The subtle things: thumbnail chewing, nearly imperceptible fidgets, the way she sometimes looked down or away when she was speaking. She no longer stuttered or tripped over her words, but it wasn't as if she'd blossomed. She had done what humans do, as Neji had expected from her. She'd lived and learned, perhaps not comfortably, but whatever awkwardness she'd grown into was suited to her.
No one had to know, though. Didn't she realize how obvious she was? How nervous she looked? And as the thought fluttered through Neji's mind, he reached forward and closed his fingers around her hand, pulled her thumb away from her mouth. The movement was considerate, the clasp firm but gentle. They'd both held birds in their hands and as children, had learned not to crush them. Neji hadn't forgotten how. Sometimes he just chose not to remember.
The contact was brief, and then Neji's hand was at his side once more.
"It's hard enough to hear you when you aren't talking with your mouth full," he disclaimed, hoping to discharge any reaction or conclusion she might come to before it fully formed in her mind.
"Yes, I run. Is that what you're doing up so early."
She was nearly as awkward with conversation as he was. The problem was that she hadn't learned to pretend nearly as well as he had, so it came out naturally stretched.
When she'd turned fourteen, her father began asking her to accompany him to meetings. These were always of low importance, but he knew that he couldn't hide her forever. He needed to put her out there, so that when he did announce her as the heir, there would be a sense of recognition. Best case scenario would have been Hinata going out and acquiring her own contacts and relationships, but she didn't work in best case scenarios. She liked middle ground.
That's when the lessons had begun. She'd never done very well, but she liked to think she'd done adequately, as her father had ceased calling her down to see him for them. (Or it could have been that he simply gave up.) In any case, in the oddest of situations she would remember things they'd told her those evenings, blinds pulled down and his room always very cold.
Don't flinch when people touch you. Even if she felt the gesture was inappropriate, she shouldn't react strongly. A raised eyebrow perhaps, or pursed lips. No sounds, no wide-eyed surprise. This had been lesson number three, after the stuttering and the fidgeting.
On the outside, she schooled her expression, but her heart skipped a beat and she felt the light pink flush on her cheeks. Her father had never been able to...do away with that particular habit. Her eyes lowered for a second, but Hinata immediately realized her own mistake and forced them up once more, trying to focus on his face without getting more flustered. She nodded slowly to acknowledge his words and perhaps also that subtle kindness he refused to filter into words.
Or was that wishful thinking again?
"Yes. I'm...actually, if you're leaving now, I could...walk you out. And, if....well, welcome home. Back. Whichever." She wanted to ask him to come back, to run with her one day. The words had been right there...but she hadn't been able to see them to the roof of her mouth. Her tongue had rebelled and instead she'd closed with a trite and insignificant comment. Something he'd probably heard more than once. Unnecessary. Story of her life.
Hinata stepped back quickly, allowing him room to exit the room. It was probably bad enough she'd kept him this long. It was no secret he didn't feel at home here.
At her blush, the corner of Neji's mouth twitched slightly. It was familiar, at least--the way she had reacted, though part of him had expected more. A quick pull away. A flinch. Cowering, as if there was enough power in his hands to hurt even through the simpelest touch (though it was true that most of the things Neji touched turned to pain; he had Midas's hand, but a sick, diseased one. The bad twin.). Part of him was almost proud of her, though. She hadn't flinched. He still did, most of the time.
Neji remembered when he started that. Funny, how it never happened when he knew that physical pain was actually waiting. Muscles tightened only for gentleness. His body naturally rebuked most forms of love.
(Probably that was why he hated staying here, seeing her. Because he had loved it once. Had loved this place, and her, and now he hated it--hated them all.)
"Thank you," Neji said finally. He cast another look about the room, almost glad she had found him. Otherwise...otherwise he would have had time to linger. To draw his fingers through the thin layers of dust of another room. One that hadn't been used since his father had died, but which he always cleaned bi-yearly in any case. As if appeasing the memories would keep them in. Keep them safe. Keep them out of him---
White eyes went fractionally more hollow as he turned from his cousin, the movement all subdued grace, almost heavy.
"But I know the way."
She was brushed aside, once more. Hinata was grateful that she hadn't cried in public in close to four years. It was incredibly pathetic, of course. She shouldn't still be so clingy. She should be more independent. She should be the one pushing him away, rejecting him. She bit her lower lip between her teeth, her expression troubled without her consent. She'd forgotten to fall back onto that blank expression; she was still working on that.
Glad that she hadn't asked him to accompany her (he would have turned her down, and she would have felt like a complete fool, thank god thank god for her good sense and reluctance), she let her face relax. Her eyes studied his pale ones, trying to use it as a mirror and failing. They were strangers. Hinata could see herself going to visit Lee or even Tenten, but not Neji. Maybe it was better this way. He deserved his space, and Hinata had to respect that.
So Hinata nodded, acknowledging his words. She bowed once more, but this time more curtly, breaking eye contact swiftly.
"That's good. My father should be getting up soon, so if I were you, I wouldn't linger. Good-bye." Hinata spun around before he could respond and ran away down the hall, footsteps tap tap taping furiously until she was gone.
What; Neji stops by the Hyuuga compound to get something and happens to run into his cousin. As she lives there.
When; Some recent morning before Tenten's party.
Where; ...The Hyuuga compound.
Warnings; Hyuuga angst. This is also incredibly, incredibly awkward.
Open; No.
Hinata tended to follow a routine. It was easy to slip into one, to go through the motions. She would rise at four, four-thirty, the dawn vague and hesitant at her window. She would stretch carefully, do a few sit ups just to energize her body. Sometimes, if it was a nice morning, she could go around to run before anyone could give her something to occupy herself with.
This was such a morning. She slipped on the top half of a jogging suit and a pair of old shorts and slipped out of her room, knowing that she wouldn't come across anyone. The sky was a light pink, and she stood there a moment, admiring the hues. Well, until she caught a movement out of the corner of her eye, and she jumped.
Who was awake?
...It occurred to her that it could be a rival gang member. Oh, drat. Why was she the only one awake?! Her footsteps her light against the floor, and she knew where to avoid the ones that creaked. Finally she reached...
That was Neji's old room. And that was Neji.
"Did you become a ninja in England, Neji-sama?"
The house was cold--but it always had been. A frigid just-after-the-dawn cold, which was why Neji preferred to come in the morning. At least then, he could pretend that the feeling belonged.
He hadn't exactly settled in with Tenten and Lee yet. But then it had always been hard for him to settle, especially when most of his time now was spent at the university, in the lab, anywhere that he didn't have to feel the walls or look behind the eyes and see nothing but ink printed on skin in the most unsettling of ways. That was what he always saw, though, and it was why he avoided this place the most of all. Well...not really. One of the reasons--but those weren't even reasons that Neji would admit to himself.
His room looked just like he'd left it less than a week before. Everything was still here--a testament to the fact that nothing ever changed in Hyuuga. It was what Neji was counting on, though. At least in this instance.
He bent over the bottom drawer of his desk and began to thumb through the files there. After his extended stay away from Keio, he needed to renew his records at the main university--a formality that did nothing but waste his time and force him to make a trip back to the house that smelled of nothing but death to him.
And then Hinata was almost at the door to his room, and Neji felt his shoulders tighten, his back straighten. He extracted the file he wanted without looking at it, and instead turned his head to face his cousin. Coming this early..he had hoped to avoid her.
"They don't train ninja in England," he said quietly. The unspoken, It was your father who trained me to be like this hung in the air at the end of the sentence.
Hinata wasn't sure whether or not to be surprised to see him. He'd been back for...she wasn't sure when he'd returned, and she supposed that was part of the issue. There had been a part of her that had...well, hoped something had softened in him. She hadn't seen him for ages, so all she'd had to work from was memory. Her memory had be a little too nice, slightly sweeter than the real Neji, but she only realized this now. A little prettier, too.
That wasn't Neji, who'd she remembered. It had been wishful thinking. To think she'd been looking forward to his return. To speak to him. In her mind, there had been whole extended fantasies about the two of them sitting down and talking about...well, him speaking to her about his trip, about what he'd learned, who he'd met. And she might have been able to tell him about...well, maybe her garden, or how her training was going.
But these imaginings all vanished when they'd actually spoken together, and all those defense mechanisms flew right back up. And how he was here, like she'd first imagined he would be, except...not like the way she had thought. It was early morning, and he was skulking around in his room. His old room, she supposed.
Maybe...maybe she shouldn't be treating him like this. It...they weren't all close, so it made a bit of sense that he hadn't...told her he was coming back. Or come to see her. Or written in the time that he was in England. She was hurt by his actions, but he probably didn't realize that. Neji was just that selfish. Hinata had always assumed, though, that he had a right to be as selfish as he pleased, what with all he'd gone up against in his life.
But that didn't change the blow he'd dealt, whether he knew it or not.
She swallowed. He stiffened when he heard her. His response was cold, and the accusing undertone wasn't lost on her. She didn't have to play along. She had in her journal, but online it was easier to be brave. Face-to-face? The words all got stuck to the roof of her mouth.
So she did what came easy to her, one of the first lessons she'd been taught on how to comport oneself. Hinata bowed low, which was the only bow she felt comfortable in, that deep one of respect. She was always afraid to be to curt. She was always afraid to look them in the eye.
"...Are you leaving now, ni--" The old familiar term almost fell out, but it wasn't fitting anymore. They weren't anything like siblings. "--Neji-sama?"
As he watched her lower herself, there was something that stung a bit in him. Neji knew that she wasn't mocking him, which just made it worse--Hinata could play the game. After all, she'd learned it particularly well from him. And yet he was not about to repent that fact. He'd made this bed, he would lie in it. The frigid sting of shame was a better bedmate than the hot hollow of her inevitable betrayal. Neji would take the cold any day.
It was somewhat pathetic how they treated each other, though. As children, they had been friendly--close, even. She hadn't changed since then, though, not really. Maybe she had gotten more romantic (because Neji could imagine what Hinata wanted from him; it read so clearly in her eyes. She would even settle for a smile, those white eyes told him, and to him that was pathetic. Didn't she know he hadn't smiled for years?), but whatever ideals she had gained, she'd also lost the childhood fervor that made her act--at least on him. Neji had clipped that out of her himself with one tight snip.
Neji could still hear it in her voice, though. Like a habit that could never really be erased.
He returned the bow, of course. But it wasn't ostentatious. He made no effort to flatten himself to the floor in order to take up the correct position for his status. If she wasn't going to behave like a Souke member, why should he treat her as one?
"Yes...I suppose so," he said quietly, watching her carefully, waiting for her to straighten. Stand up straight, a distant voice in his mind said make eye contact. He wasn't sure if it was an imperative for her...or for himself.
"You've grown."
Once she'd stood up straight once more, she didn't know what to do with her hands. She couldn't slip them into her pocket; that would seem too casual. She couldn't fold them across her chest; that would seem petulant. Hinata finally settled for allowed her hands to fall together in front of her.
Her eyes settled naturally on him. It never really bothered her that he never treated her with the respect others felt was her due. That her father felt was her due. Hinata understood that she didn't have the sort of personality that commanded respect, though, so she never expected it. In fact, she never desired it, either. She wanted to be a stronger person, of course, but not so that she could become someone that everyone would bow before, but...for herself.
(Or maybe to prove to her father that she could.)
It took her a second to understand what he'd said. Grown? She didn't feel like it. Perhaps she'd gotten a little taller (some of her clothes had gotten too short, but not for a year or so, now), but nothing drastic. But that made her really look at him...
And she decided he hadn't, not really. His outward persona was exactly the same...he hadn't grown. She didn't think she had, either. He was probably just trying to make conversation, which was nice of him, really.
"It has been a while." She brought up a thumb to her mouth without thinking about it, her teeth biting down on her nail. It was an old habit she'd thought herself rid of.
Oh, why wasn't she good at this speaking nonsense?
"Do you run?"
There was always something about Hinata's mannerisms that spoke clearly about the kind of person she was--they'd even been present within her as a child. The subtle things: thumbnail chewing, nearly imperceptible fidgets, the way she sometimes looked down or away when she was speaking. She no longer stuttered or tripped over her words, but it wasn't as if she'd blossomed. She had done what humans do, as Neji had expected from her. She'd lived and learned, perhaps not comfortably, but whatever awkwardness she'd grown into was suited to her.
No one had to know, though. Didn't she realize how obvious she was? How nervous she looked? And as the thought fluttered through Neji's mind, he reached forward and closed his fingers around her hand, pulled her thumb away from her mouth. The movement was considerate, the clasp firm but gentle. They'd both held birds in their hands and as children, had learned not to crush them. Neji hadn't forgotten how. Sometimes he just chose not to remember.
The contact was brief, and then Neji's hand was at his side once more.
"It's hard enough to hear you when you aren't talking with your mouth full," he disclaimed, hoping to discharge any reaction or conclusion she might come to before it fully formed in her mind.
"Yes, I run. Is that what you're doing up so early."
She was nearly as awkward with conversation as he was. The problem was that she hadn't learned to pretend nearly as well as he had, so it came out naturally stretched.
When she'd turned fourteen, her father began asking her to accompany him to meetings. These were always of low importance, but he knew that he couldn't hide her forever. He needed to put her out there, so that when he did announce her as the heir, there would be a sense of recognition. Best case scenario would have been Hinata going out and acquiring her own contacts and relationships, but she didn't work in best case scenarios. She liked middle ground.
That's when the lessons had begun. She'd never done very well, but she liked to think she'd done adequately, as her father had ceased calling her down to see him for them. (Or it could have been that he simply gave up.) In any case, in the oddest of situations she would remember things they'd told her those evenings, blinds pulled down and his room always very cold.
Don't flinch when people touch you. Even if she felt the gesture was inappropriate, she shouldn't react strongly. A raised eyebrow perhaps, or pursed lips. No sounds, no wide-eyed surprise. This had been lesson number three, after the stuttering and the fidgeting.
On the outside, she schooled her expression, but her heart skipped a beat and she felt the light pink flush on her cheeks. Her father had never been able to...do away with that particular habit. Her eyes lowered for a second, but Hinata immediately realized her own mistake and forced them up once more, trying to focus on his face without getting more flustered. She nodded slowly to acknowledge his words and perhaps also that subtle kindness he refused to filter into words.
Or was that wishful thinking again?
"Yes. I'm...actually, if you're leaving now, I could...walk you out. And, if....well, welcome home. Back. Whichever." She wanted to ask him to come back, to run with her one day. The words had been right there...but she hadn't been able to see them to the roof of her mouth. Her tongue had rebelled and instead she'd closed with a trite and insignificant comment. Something he'd probably heard more than once. Unnecessary. Story of her life.
Hinata stepped back quickly, allowing him room to exit the room. It was probably bad enough she'd kept him this long. It was no secret he didn't feel at home here.
At her blush, the corner of Neji's mouth twitched slightly. It was familiar, at least--the way she had reacted, though part of him had expected more. A quick pull away. A flinch. Cowering, as if there was enough power in his hands to hurt even through the simpelest touch (though it was true that most of the things Neji touched turned to pain; he had Midas's hand, but a sick, diseased one. The bad twin.). Part of him was almost proud of her, though. She hadn't flinched. He still did, most of the time.
Neji remembered when he started that. Funny, how it never happened when he knew that physical pain was actually waiting. Muscles tightened only for gentleness. His body naturally rebuked most forms of love.
(Probably that was why he hated staying here, seeing her. Because he had loved it once. Had loved this place, and her, and now he hated it--hated them all.)
"Thank you," Neji said finally. He cast another look about the room, almost glad she had found him. Otherwise...otherwise he would have had time to linger. To draw his fingers through the thin layers of dust of another room. One that hadn't been used since his father had died, but which he always cleaned bi-yearly in any case. As if appeasing the memories would keep them in. Keep them safe. Keep them out of him---
White eyes went fractionally more hollow as he turned from his cousin, the movement all subdued grace, almost heavy.
"But I know the way."
She was brushed aside, once more. Hinata was grateful that she hadn't cried in public in close to four years. It was incredibly pathetic, of course. She shouldn't still be so clingy. She should be more independent. She should be the one pushing him away, rejecting him. She bit her lower lip between her teeth, her expression troubled without her consent. She'd forgotten to fall back onto that blank expression; she was still working on that.
Glad that she hadn't asked him to accompany her (he would have turned her down, and she would have felt like a complete fool, thank god thank god for her good sense and reluctance), she let her face relax. Her eyes studied his pale ones, trying to use it as a mirror and failing. They were strangers. Hinata could see herself going to visit Lee or even Tenten, but not Neji. Maybe it was better this way. He deserved his space, and Hinata had to respect that.
So Hinata nodded, acknowledging his words. She bowed once more, but this time more curtly, breaking eye contact swiftly.
"That's good. My father should be getting up soon, so if I were you, I wouldn't linger. Good-bye." Hinata spun around before he could respond and ran away down the hall, footsteps tap tap taping furiously until she was gone.