Bleach: Negotiations
“You want us to what?” Uryuu looked aghast. “But you don’t even write smut!”
“He’s got a point, you know,” Kisuke said reasonably, gripping Benihime tightly to keep his hands from shaking. This author was scary when she got an idea in her head. Speaking of which… “Anyway, don’t you need me for that sequel with Isshin and Masaki?”
Zan glared at him, and he reminded himself firmly that she liked him, she wasn’t going to do anything permanent. “I would need you for that,” she said acidly, “if you would ever quit pussyfooting around and tell me what happens next.” Kisuke gulped.
She transferred her glare to Uryuu, who whimpered. “And you,” she began, stabbing a finger in his direction, “can just go back to the basement if you don’t want to be in a fic. I am not writing smut, kinky or not. But I want to write something for nikita_cheri111’s birthday, and you two are her OTP.”
“What does that have to do with anything? And do you even know she’s female?” Uryuu asked weakly, now cowering behind a recliner. Kisuke shook his head. There’s perseverance and then there’s stupidity. You’d think the Quincy would know the difference by now, after being Ichigo’s friend for so long. Zan wasn’t going to be convinced not to do anything if she didn’t want to be. That was just her way. Pushing her would only get them in a fic with a crowd of hollows, no backup and bleeding wounds in the near future. Also, no sex, which he really did like, thank you. She could be diverted, though, if you could find something shiny enough that she already liked.
He left Uryuu to his ineffectual protesting and wandered over to the computer. There was an lj profile up on the screen. Apparently she’d been reading this person’s profile when the idea occurred to her. Well, that might make it a bit more…difficult…to…
Hello. That’ll work. He grinned and moved silently back to his previous position, not wanting to be caught snooping with so much at stake. Good. They were still arguing. He cleared his throat.
“You know, it’s just too bad that Uryuu doesn’t have a zanpakutou,” he said casually.
“I know that!” Zan snapped irritably. “That’s why I haven’t done anything with him yet, I don’t have a hook!”
“Oh, I know. I’m just saying, it’s too bad. Especially with that idea you got from Liralen last night, you know the one, don’t you? Now, if it were, say, Renji or Ichigo…” He waited, sure that the mention of her own OTP in conjunction with a shiny bit of zanpakutou-ness would do the trick. Sure enough, her expression smoothed out and her eyes unfocused as she turned her attention inward. Suddenly, the Zanpakutou-verse versions of the aforementioned shinigami popped into existence in the room. Zan refocused on them and grinned wickedly.
“So, Renji, how do you feel about a little indirect Ichigo-petting?” she asked.
“Hold up,” Ichigo interrupted. “Do I get to enjoy this petting or are you going to have me all oblivious and confused again?”
“Bit of both,” she said, still grinning.
“Woman after my own heart,” Kisuke interjected. “I knew there was a reason I liked you.”
“You like me because I’ll let you be as devious as you want to be,” she corrected cheerfully. “Now, off you go, and take Uryuu with you. You two are off the hook. What d’you say, Renji?”
Kisuke grabbed Uryuu and got them out of the danger zone immediately, so he didn’t hear the reply. Once they were safely away, he released his prize and allowed him to step away a bit.
“Thank you,” Uryuu said breathlessly. “I thought we were in real trouble there.”
“Oh, we were,” Kisuke agreed amiably. He hooked Benihime around the back of Uryuu’s neck and pulled him back in close, enjoying the way the Quincy’s eyes widened, then darkened with lust. Kisuke didn’t speak again until they were close enough to be breathing the same air. “So how is my favorite pet going to thank me, hmmm?” Kisuke smiled when Uryuu closed his eyes in surrender. He shifted his grip on Benihime so that she pressed down on Uryuu’s shoulders. His grin widened when Uryuu wordlessly complied and sank to his knees.