TZC: Ichigo and Zangetsu Chapter 4, part 3
Zabimaru had been very understanding so far about all this angst shit Renji was doing, but enough was enough. Ichigo was sleeping, he was doing better, not worse and there was no time like the present to-god help him-talk it out.
Renji was going to owe him for this shit. Zabimaru reached out and yanked Renji into his inner world. He was snarling almost before he finished manifesting.
Dammit, Zabimaru, I don’t have time for this!
Yeah? What do ya have time for then? I mean, besides worryin’ about healin’ you can’t help with an’ beatin’ yerself up over shit ya ain’t even done.
He expected Renji to explode in response to his challenge. Instead, he just deflated.
What should I do?
Zabimaru was silent for a long time before he answered Renji’s plaintive query. He wanted to get Renji out of this mental rut, to move him forward. It was time, dammit.
Take a page out of the pretty boy’s book.
What?
Think about it. Kid never looks back once he’s decided which way to go, does he? Becomin’ a shinigami, takin’ on crazy odds to protect whoever he’s decided to call his, hell, you’ve seen it. He’s got his goal and he’s got whatever he’s got to move to get to it.
What’s your point?
My point is, he trusts his feelings and you think you can’t. At least, not about this. So maybe that’s what ya need. Maybe ya just need to own up ta this an’ move on from there.
Is it really that easy?
Zabimaru gave Renji an incredulous look that quickly turned suspicious.
Yer in love with Ichigo Kurosaki an’ ya think it’s gonna be easy? I’m callin’ Minazuki.
Renji snapped out of his melancholy mood to glare at his zanpakutou.
I do not have brain damage, asshole.
Sure coulda fooled me.
They were silent for a while, then Renji spoke quietly.
I want Ichigo. I love Ichigo. I-I’m in love with Ichigo.
He looked afraid as he said it, like this was really going to change things. Like it hadn’t happened ages ago and he was just now catching up. Zabimaru hated it when his shinigami looked afraid. It didn’t fit.
Yeah. Caught that. We done statin’ the flamin’ obvious fer tonight?
Normally, this would have been Renji’s cue to start sputtering and cursing, but tonight he just turned and looked at Zabimaru with a fond smile playing about his lips. His voice, when he spoke, was completely devoid of anger.
Fuck you, Zabimaru. Mind yer own damn business.
Then he vanished from his inner world. When Zabimaru peeked through his shinigami’s senses, he saw Ichigo’s hand firmly clasped in Renji’s.
-----------
Byakuya found Unohana meditating in one of the unused exam rooms. He pulled his reiatsu in a bit and waited just outside the door. After a few minutes, she spoke up.
Enter.
He did so, noting as he did that she looked surprised to see him.
Captain Unohana.
Captain Kuchiki. What can I do for you?
I have just returned from the living world, where I spoke to Kisuke Urahara.
Oh?
Based on what I have learned from him, I believe we may have taken the wrong approach to re-integration.
Her look turned attentive and considering.
I am listening.
-----------
Ichigo looked up as Unohana walked into the room. He thought he saw a flash of white from another captain’s robe in the hallway behind her, but he couldn’t be sure.
“What is it?” Renji asked gruffly, moving in front of Ichigo again. He’d been doing this every single time someone came in the room since Ichigo woke up and probably before that, too. Ichigo appreciated the thought and he was well aware that he couldn’t defend himself against a fruit fly at the moment, but really. Unohana. She was not going to hurt him.
He grabbed Zabimaru’s sheath, the only part of Renji he could reach from his position, and yanked. Renji seemed to sense him moving a split second before he made contact, but that only saved him from landing on his ass next to Ichigo’s bed. He did turn halfway and stumble, which Ichigo thought was nice of him, since it put him at just the right level for Ichigo to grab the front of his shihakusho and haul him in close.
“It’s Unohana, asshole,” he growled mere inches from Renji’s shocked face. “Cut it out.”
Renji stared stupidly at him for a few seconds, then broke out into a big, goofy grin. Ichigo was about to ask him what the hell he thought he was smiling at when Rukia started howling with laughter.
“You-you-“ she didn’t get very far before succumbing to laughter again.
“Thanks, that was helpful,” Renji drawled sarcastically.
“I’m-heehee-sorry,” Rukia said between continuing bouts of giggles. “It’s just that Ichigo just came very close to telling you to mind your manners. Most of Karakura and all of Seireitei is probably convinced he wouldn’t know manners if they came up and bit him.”
Ichigo grinned. Wasn’t what he was thinking, but he’d have gotten around to it before too much longer, he supposed. “Nah, that’s just your brother,” he told Rukia.
“It is good to see that you are feeling stronger, Ichigo,” Unohana interrupted what would likely have become an argument if allowed to continue, smiling serenely as always.
Ichigo blinked. Was he feeling any stronger? He turned his attention inward to take stock. He still hurt all over, still felt hollow and empty. But it was just a bit more distant than it had been. The pain and fear and emptiness had retreated just enough for him to see the borders of his own self again. He slowly drifted back to the expectant shinigami in the room with him.
“Yeah, I guess I do. Still hurts, but I can think through it. I think,” and he paused again and poked lightly at his powers, “yeah, I can get at my powers. Sort of.”
Unohana’s face lit up with relief. “That’s very good news.”
Ichigo sat up carefully. Renji and Rukia looked a little nervous but, to be fair, the last time he’d gotten out of bed, he’d also attacked Byakuya and he really wasn’t supposed to be doing either one just yet. It was possible they had cause to be nervous. But still. He wasn’t half-mad with pain and Unohana’s presence had always had a soothing effect on him in any case. “So,” he said, flashing a reassuring smile at his two staunch protectors, “what’ve you got for me?”
“It is more like what you have for yourself. It’s your bankai, Ichigo.”
Okay, not what he’d been expecting. “My bankai?”
“Yes. It is unique in all of the Gotei 13. In every other recorded instance of bankai, the power of the zanpakutou expands to make some sort of large construct. In yours…”
“It goes into me. I think I see where you’re going with this.”
“Do you think you could try it now? The sooner we are able to re-integrate the two of you, the better.”
Ichigo frowned. This was all well and good, but… “You know how much damage it’ll cause if I slip, right?”
“Isane has shielded this room, which should contain the brunt of whatever reiatsu spills over from your release and a few of the other captains have agreed to help her. That should be sufficient to protect everyone here.” She pinned Ichigo with a look that reminded him that, healer or not, he was still dealing with a captain, here. “As to the damage to the building, I am willing to rebuild a structure in exchange for a life.”
Well, he couldn’t very well argue with that, could he? Ichigo poked at his powers again, trying to draw them up out of the well of his soul and into his reach. There was a second of hesitation, something he hadn’t felt in a long time. Then the power responded to his call, if a bit jerkily. He considered for a moment, then gave his answer.
“It won’t be pretty and I doubt I’ll be able to hold it for more than a few seconds but yeah, I can do my part. But without Zangetsu, there’s no bankai.”
“I think calling for bankai will allow you to bridge the gap between yourself and Zangetsu. You are both so used to reaching out to each other to perform the release that I think you’ll automatically be reaching in the proper direction.”
“Why?”
“Because you have reconnected to the blade form and that is connected, however loosely at the moment, to Zangetsu’s spirit.”
Ichigo was starting to get a nasty suspicion about this whole scheme. “You don’t know what’ll happen.”
“No.”
“You’re out of ideas.” Unohana flinched, but didn’t deny it.
“Yes.”
“But you think this’ll work anyway.”
“Yes.”
“Then let’s do it.”
“Ichigo, I should tell you…if you are unable to reconnect…”
Suddenly, Ichigo was back in the barren, rocky expanse of Urahara’s Seireitei training room, listening to Yoruichi tell him of bankai for the very first time. He felt all over again the pain of his still-healing wounds, the itch of unfamiliar reiatsu climbing up his spine, the driving hum of potential vibrating through his body. Just like then, he already knew his answer and he gave it without hesitation. “Don’t tell me what’ll happen if I fail. I won’t. If I have to succeed to make things right, then that’s all I need to know.”
Unohana looked relieved. “Very well. You will need to be in contact with Zangetsu’s blade form when you call the release.”
Ichigo nodded. “Got it. Renji, help me up.”
------------
Ichigo stood over the table holding the pieces of his zanpakutou. Zangetsu looked like a jigsaw puzzle-all the pieces were there, they just weren’t connected. That, Ichigo told himself, was where he came in. He tried not to think about what Zangetsu had looked like before Ichigo had called his name. That was before, when he was still trying to fight alone. Zangetsu had broken then because Ichigo hadn’t given any of himself to make his partner stronger. Together they could do anything, even this. And Ichigo knew Zangetsu would be reaching out to him, too.
He stretched his hands out and lightly rested them on the broken pieces of his partner’s blade form. We will come through this, he vowed silently. I will not abandon you any more than you would me.
Ichigo’s attention was caught by the two very different hands that entered his field of vision. A slim, pale hand covered his right hand, and a larger, bandaged hand claimed Ichigo’s left hand for its own. Ichigo turned to the right and followed the arm attached to the hand up until he saw Rukia’s face. The determination in her eyes stunned him into speechlessness.
“You did not become a shinigami in order to fail,” she said firmly. “You will find Zangetsu and you will both come back to us.”
The hand on Ichigo’s left tightened, drawing Ichigo’s eyes up to meet Renji’s. He didn’t say anything, but Ichigo recognized the look in his eyes from countless battles fought at the vice-captain’s side and countless long nights spent waiting for a dawn he wasn’t sure would come. You’re not alone, said the look. I’ll walk beside you, fight with you, and no one will stop us.
Ichigo turned his hands over and clasped Renji’s and Rukia’s. My brother. My sister. It is good to have you here, he thought, looking from one to the other. They stood like that for a moment, staring at their clasped hands. All three took strength from the bond they shared as they prepared to go into a different kind of battle.
Then, as if by some unspoken agreement, they all relaxed their grip, allowing Ichigo to once again turn his hands over and place them on his zanpakutou. Renji and Rukia held on for a few more seconds, then transferred their grip to Ichigo’s shoulders. They didn’t retreat so much as an inch. If this went wrong, he’d need their help to find his way back.
Ichigo took a deep breath and gathered his reiatsu like he’d learned so long ago under Zangetsu, like he’d done hundreds of times since. He let out the breath and drew another to whisper the word that, once again, would either save him or damn him.
“Bankai.”
Bankai was usually instantaneous. This time was far from usual. Ichigo felt his power seeking out Zangetsu’s, trying to make the needed connection. It stretched as far as it could go in what Ichigo sensed was the right direction, then kept going without finding anything. Ichigo felt like he was being torn apart. Just before he broke and lost the release, Renji and Rukia’s hands tightened on his shoulders. Suddenly a chill ran down his back at the same time that the smell of jungle plants hit his nose. Then Rukia’s and Renji’s reiatsu flowed through him and pushed his own that last crucial bit farther.
All at once, the connection snapped into place.
Ichigo! Can you hear me?
Zangetsu!
The mechanics of Ichigo’s unique bankai took over, drawing Zangetsu’s spirit and his power into Ichigo’s body. The rush of power blasted through Zangetsu’s blade form on the way to Ichigo, re-fusing the broken pieces in the process. The release faded almost as soon as it set, but Ichigo didn’t even notice. He didn’t hear the cheer that erupted from the shinigami who “just happened to be passing by” at that exact moment. He didn’t hear Rukia’s shriek of joy when Zangetsu reformed. He didn’t feel an arm slide around him and pull him back against Renji’s solid form to hold him up when his knees buckled. All he knew was that his partner was back in his inner world and he was there to stay.
Zangetsu…
I am here, Ichigo.
Don’t…don’t do that again, okay?
I won’t.
Ichigo knew he couldn’t possibly promise any such thing, but just hearing it soothed his jangled nerves a bit. The damage to his inner world began to heal itself almost immediately. They stayed like that for a while, Ichigo holding on to Zangetsu and Renji and Rukia holding on to Ichigo, until the skies in Ichigo’s inner world began to clear.
Click here to go to the extras.