Closure
This is my very first fanfic! I'm a little nervous. I hope it's okay... Everything's after the cut (if I can do this right).
Title: Closure
Author: Zanne88
Pairing: Callie/Erica and hints of Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13 (some language)
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Sometime between 5.14 and 5.15 Callie needs to find some closure before she can move on.
A/N: This has been bugging me for a while. I hate how Callie went from being completely heartbroken over Erica one minute to falling over herself for Arizona the next. Not that I don't like Arizona, I just wish there had been more of a transition. So this is how I think Callie would have gotten "over being upset." This is not beta'ed.
My Dearest Erica,
I’m not really sure where to start. Though I guess that shouldn’t surprise you. I’ve proven time and again that I’m not very good with words. So I thought writing this letter would be easier, give me time to think about what I want to say, rather than just speaking (or acting) without thinking like I usually do.
I suppose I’ll start by saying I am so completely sorry. For everything. I know it doesn’t fix things, and it may not even mean much at all to you, but it needs to be said. I’m sorry I freaked out and continually ran away from you. I’m sorry I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) see how much you were freaking out too. I’m sorry I defended Izzie Stevens and the hospital. I’m sorry I didn’t listen. But most of all, I am so sorry I threw away our friendship. You may have been the one to walk away from our relationship in the end, but I ruined it long before that. I can see now how much I had been pushing you away without even realizing it. You were right to walk away, and you were right when you said you didn’t know me. Hell, I didn’t know me. I think I lost myself somewhere in the midst of the tornado that was our “relationship.” Unfortunately, it took losing you for me to figure this out. I messed up big time, Erica. I just want you to know: I don’t blame you for leaving me.
In case you’re wondering, this is not an attempt at getting you back. I think we’ve both been hurt too much to even consider trying again. I could just use some closure, and I’m guessing you could too. I hate the way we left things between us. It’s like those movies and TV shows that leave you hanging instead of giving you a real ending. That annoys the shit out of me! But that’s exactly what happened here: we left each other hanging.
I don’t know about you, but I was so lost when you left. I had no idea how to go back to my life before you because, Erica, you changed everything. I just drifted through each day, going to work, occasionally getting drunk off my ass at Joe’s, then crashing at home. I barely interacted with anyone. Or at least, I avoided it as much as possible.
And then the other night, this woman walked in on me crying in the bathroom at Joe’s. I had no idea who she was, but apparently she had heard about me, and us, through the infamous Seattle Grace rumor mill. To make a long story short, she kissed me and basically said that when I’m over being upset, she’ll be waiting for me. Her words made me realize what a mess my life has been lately. And she was right, you know? I need to get past this so I can move on with my life. So here I am, spilling my guts out to a piece of paper (or 3) in the hope that it will help me get over you.
Now, please don’t think I’m only doing this so I can get into some other woman’s pants. I would hope you know me better than that at least. I’m writing to you purely for my own psychological and emotional well-being. I don’t know if you’ll respond to, or even get, this letter, but at least I’ll know I’ve done everything I can to resolve this.
If you do decide to write back or email or call me or whatever, you know where to find me. Nothing has changed in that area of my life. I would love the chance to talk to you about all of this, like an adult this time instead of the crazed teenager I seemed to have become when we started this rollercoaster ride. But if you’re still too hurt to talk to me, I understand. I’d love nothing more than to rebuild the friendship we once had because you really were one of the best friends I’ve ever had Erica, but I know I could’ve been a much better friend to you, especially at the end. So please believe me when I say I understand and again, I am so sorry. No matter what, I will never, ever forget you. Well, I’ve said my piece, so the ball’s in your court now.
Love always,
Callie