Drifting Apart
Addison’s POV
It was after out tenth anniversary that Derek started to work more. By the time I would have woken up in the morning he would have already gone. He wouldn’t return home until hours after I had gone to bed, if he even did return home. It started off with an hour at first then it gradually started to grow over time. I hardly noticed at first but then I started to become lonely.
I put it down to surgeries he was needed on, but then I started to think it was something to do with me. So I tried to be more like the perfect wife but he still didn’t change. I even started to notice that even at the hospital he would avoid me at all costs. I didn’t understand it. We were Addison and Derek, but we were slowly drifting apart. We were no longer the perfect couple people envied. We were becoming the couple no one wanted to end up like.
I did every thing I could to save our marriage, but Derek just wasn’t willing. We would go for days without talking to each other and when we did Derek always stormed off, usually because I asked when he was going to come home.
I woke up one night and found myself crying. I was crying for my failed marriage, because the man I loved with all my heart wanted nothing more to do with me. The bed felt big and empty without Derek. I looked at the clock and realised he must be home by now. I searched the whole house but he wasn’t there. His car wasn’t even in the drive. I sighed. Why did I bother it was obvious our marriage was over. But I picked up my mobile anyway and dialled his number. I waited and it rang and rang, and rang until it finally went to answer phone. I left a message while crying.
“Derek where are you? It’s two in the morning why aren’t you home? What have I done to deserve this? Please come home Derek please. I miss you and I still love you.”
I hung up my phone and crawled back into our big bed. I cried myself to sleep not for the first time. When I woke I woke to someone gently shaking me. I opened my eyes and squinted as they adjusted to the light. I had to blink a few times at the person sat on the bed.
“Derek?”
He gave me a small smile and kissed me on the forehead. He told me he had made breakfast and left the room. I was completely confused. He had gone back to being the old Derek all over again, but I didn’t understand why. I pulled my silk robe around me and headed down the stairs. Derek was in the kitchen reading a newspaper. As I walked in he smiled. I gave him a small smile back.
“Where were you last night?”
“Let’s forget about last night and enjoy today.” And that was it, we didn’t mention it again. Things got back to normal. We became a loving couple again, but we weren’t as we were before. Okay so we would sleep in the same bed and cuddle up close, but we hardly ever held hands, kissed each other in public, or even made love to each other. I longed for Derek to touch me like he used to, but he didn’t want to touch me anymore.
So for a month everything was slightly okay, until our eleventh anniversary. I had told Derek that I was going to make a special dinner that night so he had to be home early. I spent my whole afternoon planning the night ahead. Derek had promised to be home by seven.
Come seven o’clock everything was laid on the table and I was wearing his favourite dress. I wore my hair down like he liked it. I sat down and waited for him to come home.
Seven thirty and he still hadn’t come home, so I phoned him. He didn’t answer so I left a message. The food was probably cold. Eight o’clock he still wasn’t home, then came half past, then nine o’clock. I had left so many messages by now. He still hadn’t replied. I was fuming by now. Come ten o’clock I heard a key turn in the door and someone walk in. I was about to play Mary hell when I realised it wasn’t Derek but Mark. He looked at my dress and then at the table of nicely prepared food.
“Derek’s in a surgery.”
“What!? He knew I was making a special dinner tonight! Could they not have got someone else to perform it?”
“Yeah but he insisted. He won’t be home until late if he comes home at all.”
I broke down at this point. I couldn’t take it any longer. I was both physically and mentally tired of trying to make my husband to notice me, to acknowledge my presence on earth. The sobs racked through my body and I slid to the floor a complete mess. Mark pulled me into his arms to calm me.
An hour later and I had calmed down. It had been so long that I had been touched by a man. I just wanted to be loved, I didn’t ask for much just to be loved. I told Mark I was fine and that he could go home, I actually insisted that he go home because as soon as Derek walked through the front door I was going to tell him what I thought and it was not going to be a pretty sight.
As soon as Mark had left an hour later I threw the plates across the room. All the contents of the table ended up on the floor. I was crying again now. No man had ever made me cry like this before. I walked into the kitchen and looked at myself in the mirror. I was a complete mess.
Then a key turned in the lock and he had finally come home. He walked into the dinning room and saw the mess then came into the kitchen. He was about to ask what had happened when I turned around and threw a plate at him. I then grabbed another and this time it didn’t miss. He now had a small cut just above his left eye. I stopped and starred at him wide eyed.
For the second time that night I fell to the floor a crying mess. But this time instead of being pulled into strong comforting arms. I was left alone. Derek took the first aid kit and sorted out his cut. He then sat at the kitchen table just watching me sob, sobs that had racked through my body. I was now exhausted and didn’t have the energy to move anymore. He then stood up and left the house once more.
I had lost him. I had lost my husband and wasn’t going to get him back. He didn’t even look shocked when I threw the plates screaming at him. He looked like he expected it, like he had been waiting for it to happen. He didn’t care for me anymore, if he did he would have comforted me while I was crying. I was so exhausted by now that I had fallen asleep on our kitchen floor.
That was the point in my life when I lost my husband, the point when I realised that nobody cared for me, nobody loved me, that I would have to go through life on my own. That was the point when I realised it. So why did I chase after Derek?