Fic: Crossing Borders (15/?)
Title: Crossing Borders (15/?)
Author: zarrati
Rating: R for Language, sexual content, and violent/traumatic themes
Fandom: Parks and Recreation-Leslie/Ben
Author’s note: Back to Ben's POV. Please be warned that there are some depictions of violence and torture. I tried not to overdo it, but it's still here.
He smiled the crooked smile that had haunted Ben’s nightmares for twenty years. “I am the boss, and we’re going to have so much fun with you.”
Pawnee/Eagleton Border
1993
“Seriously, Benji, just make a move already.”
“Would you chill out? I’m thinking.”
Jimmy leaned back and smirked. “It ain’t helping you, dude. Stop being a pussy and just do it.”
Ben’s hand hovered over the chessboard, flitting nervously over several pieces.
“Jesus Christ, man,” Jimmy barked out a laugh. “It’s just a game. Not the fucking world chess championship.”
Ben looked up and squinted. “You’re only saying that because you’re winning.”
“You’re right. Now, hurry up and make your move so I can go ahead and finish the game.”
Ben finally chose his piece, actually fairly confident in his move. “Ha, take that, Yurgin.”
The other young man simply grinned. “Not too shabby, Wyatt. But, unfortunately for you,” he says, reaching for his black knight, “it just wasn’t good enough. Checkmate.”
“Damn it. You and your fucking knight.” He moved to run his hands through his hair, still not used to its short crew cut. “I don’t know how you do it every single time.”
“What can I say?” Jimmy shrugged. “It’s my signature move. You’re just upset because you still can’t beat me.”
“I’ll beat you one of these days. You just wait.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re all talk, Benji. Just admit it. I’m better than you and always will be better than you. There’s no shame in embracing your fate.” He laughed and held up his favored black knight. “And as long as I have this guy right here, I’m impossible to defeat.”
Ben side eyed him and shook his head. “What the hell is your deal with that anyway? How many other pieces are on the board, and you insist on using your knight as your final move like 90% of the time.”
“I told you, it’s my signature. Besides, out of every piece on there, this one is the most unique. Sure, the queen can basically move wherever the fuck she wants, but that just makes it too easy. This guy though, he’s special, sneaky. He’s the only one that can jump over other pieces completely, either taking them out or ignoring them altogether. He'll come when you least expect."
Ben smirked and raised his eyebrow. "Should I leave you two alone? Need some privacy to jerk off to a chess piece?"
Jimmy's eyes flashed and he threw the piece at a laughing Ben. "Shut the fuck up, man," he grinned. "Don't make me kick your ass."
"Oh yeah? Do I have to remind you who kicked your ass the last time we trained in hand to hand combat?"
"Whatever. You're just lucky that you're scrawny and fast. Like a weasel or something."
"A weasel?" Ben guffawed. "Seriously, that's the best you got?"
"I call it like I see it. Besides, I might not have brawn, but I have brains." He tapped his forehead. "This is my real weapon. You might beat me in a fight, but I'll outsmart you every time."
Ben just shook his head. "You're nuts, man, you know that?"
Jimmy gave Ben a dark smile. "You have no idea." His gaze shifted to look over Ben's shoulder, outside the tent. "Killnose is walking back and forth like a caged rat. How much you wanna bet he's gonna spring a surprise drill on us soon?"
Ben turned around and shrugged, his eyes following his pacing commander. "Who knows. Either way, it's our turn to stay behind. Good thing, too. It's hotter than hell out."
"You'd be on com duty, right?" Jimmy asked.
"Yup. I'd barely have time to grab a bite from the mess tent before heading over." Ben turned back to Jimmy and found him staring off into space, thinking. "You okay, dude? Penny for your thoughts."
Jimmy flinched and his eyes refocused. "Ha, yeah right. These thoughts are worth a hell of a lot more than that."
"Sure, man, if you say so."
"Gather 'round, ladies and gentleman." Killnose's voice boomed. "It's drill time."
"Told ya," Jimmy winked.
Ben rolled his eyes and stood up. "You coming," he called to Jimmy over his shoulder.
"Uh, yeah. I'll be along. I just gotta go check something out."
"Alright. I'll see you around."
Jimmy didn’t respond.
~~~~~
Unknown Location
Present Day
The memory slammed into Ben so forcefully he gasped like a drowning man breaking the surface of the water.
He was still trying to wrap his brain around the fact that Jimmy had orchestrated this entire scheme. From the letters to the shooting, the bombing to the raid on the safe house--it was all because of Yurgin.
And just like before, he had missed it. It was so obvious to him now, further proof that hindsight really was 20/20. Further proof that it all might have been prevented if he had just payed attention.
He had repressed so many of his memories surrounding ICE Town out of his mind’s instinct to preserve itself, preserve that last, thin thread of sanity. But now that he knew, it really did seem fitting, in its own way. He had almost ended Ben’s life all those years ago, and he would be the one to actually end it now.
He had been taunting him from the beginning, in ways Ben hadn’t even realized. This was personal to Yurgin, throwing their teenage friendship in his face. Everything to him had been nothing more than an elaborate game, a battle of wits spanning twenty years, and it was a game that Ben had lost.
And in that moment, he ached for Jimmy, despite everything. He ached for the young man who had so much promise, who had been a friend to him when he needed it as a fresh faced young man in a scary new world.
But he wasn’t Jimmy anymore. Maybe the Jimmy he’d known never really existed. Either way, this man, this James Yurgin, had once destroyed his life, and now he had come back to finish the job.
Ben continued to sit in silence, ignoring the ache in his shoulder. The dull throbbing seemed so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.
There was no doubt in Ben’s mind the kind of “fun” they had in store for him. As a military officer, it was something that was always put forth as a possibility, even more so once he started in intelligence.
He could only hope that Yurgin was being truthful and that Leslie was still alive and unharmed. There was no indication as to what these “plans” were, but he prayed that it didn’t involve laying a finger on her.
He would gladly take any punishment in her place, endure any kind of torture imaginable if it meant that she went untouched.
His fear that they were with Leslie was confirmed when her screaming voice seeped into the cell. There was a rush of relief that he could hear her, that she was alive, but it was mixed with the terror of not knowing what was happening to her.
Without thinking, he responded with screams of his own, desperate cries of her name so that she would know that he was there with her. She must have heard him because her screams soon took the form of his name before they stopped completely.
Her forced silence only served to fuel his rage. He screamed and cursed things that would have made his foul-mouthed, former commanding officer blush. If anything, he wanted to divert their attention back to him. The more time they spent shutting him up, the less they had with Leslie.
He knew his plan was successful when he heard the click of the lock opening and Yurgin and his sidekick walked back into the cell.
“You certainly are a loud dog in his cage, aren’t you, Benji?” Yurgin commented as he walked towards him.
“Fuck you.”
Yurgin feigned a gasp of shock. “You Pawneans. Always so crass.” He walked slowly in a circle around Ben’s chair, eyeing him up and down. “You know, you look a lot better than I thought you would, you know, after I tried to kill you. Still got a face, at least.”
“You son of a bitch!” Ben screamed and thrashed against his restraints. “You fucking ruined my life and you’re gonna say that shit to me?”
“You lived,” Yurgin hissed, moving inches from Ben’s face. “You lived when you weren’t supposed to. That’s a hell of a lot more than you deserved. You more than lived. You thrived. You think you would have gotten half as far as you did if it wasn’t for me? You’d be some two-bit government drone if it wasn’t for what I did to you.”
“You’re sick.”
Yurgin stood up straight, turning around to walk back towards his companion. “You know,” he said, completely ignoring Ben’s comment, “word on the street is that you had a birthday recently. Turns out we crashed your party. A pity, really. It might have been you’re last one, so you should at least have gotten to enjoy it.”
“Might have been? Makes it sound like there’s a chance I’ll leave here alive.”
“Oh, there’s always a possibility. That really depends on your girlfriend.”
Ben narrowed his eyes at the pair, ever-so-briefly imagining his hands tightening around Yurgin’s throat. “If you think you can use me as a bargaining piece, you’re wrong. If it comes down to me or her, you let her go.”
“Oh, Benji,” Yurgin laughed, “trust me, I know you two are a packaged deal. Let’s just say that I have a little proposition for her, that if she accepts, can spare both of your lives.”
Ben clenched his jaw and spoke through gritted teeth. “She will never make any kind of deal with you. Not for anything in the world.”
“Not even for you? Well, that sounds rather unromantic.”
“This is bigger than us. She knows I’d never forgive her if she sacrificed anything to save me.”
“Does she, though? She seems rather smitten with you. But even if you’re right, we have ways of helping her...have a change of heart.” He turned to look at the large man at his side. “We made a promise to Ms. Knope about what would happen if she screamed, and I never go back on a promise. I think it’s time Benji got his birthday present.”
A twisted smile formed on the silent man’s face, the first time Ben saw him display any kind of emotion.
The man actually cracked his knuckles as he walked over to him, and Ben might have found the situation hilariously cliche if it wasn’t for the hateful, menacing look being directed his way. He took a deep breath and braced himself. He wasn’t going to show weakness, he wasn’t going to let them draw a single cry of pain from him. He knew they wanted Leslie hear him, and he wasn’t going to do that to her, wasn't going to give them the satisfaction.
The first blow to his stomach knocked the wind out of him, and he barely had time to recover before a fist slammed into him again. He pressed his lips together tight, muffling the moan that came involuntarily.
He expected the next hit to once again be in his abdomen, so when a fist collided with his face, he was wholly unprepared. His neck snapped to the right and his jaw felt like it was on fire, blood spraying onto the floor.
The metallic taste invaded his tastebuds, and he gagged as the liquid trickled down his throat. The next hit came and a cry left his lips before he could stop it, and the next, and the next. He thought his body was used to pain, but it could never really get used to something like this.
The punches alternated between his face and body, wherever his tormenter decided to strike. He was fairly certain that at least one of his ribs was broken, so despite his overwhelming desire to keep silent, his screams grew louder and louder with every blow until his throat became raw.
The blood that trickled down his nose and mouth tickled his skin as his body became weaker and weaker, his assailant now having to hold Ben’s head up by his hair to keep his chin from slumping against his chest.
Yurgin never once touched him. He stood off to the side and watched, his eyes focused and concentrated. There wasn’t a look of sadistic pleasure on his face like his sidekick, which surprised Ben. Through his haze, he at least expected to see Yurgin enjoying finally exacting his revenge, but that look never came.
He wasn’t sure if what he saw instead disturbed him even more.
Ben didn’t know how long it had lasted, but finally Yurgin held up his hand and his sidekick immediately stopped. With a look of satisfaction, he clenched and unclenched his own bloodied fist and stepped away.
Ben’s breath was labored, painful due to the damage to his ribs, and he felt consciousness slowly slipping away from him
Yurgin walked over and once again bent over to be eye-level with him. “Good job, Benji. You really tried to hold out there, but I’m pretty sure your pitiful screams did the trick. Maybe Ms. Knope will be receptive to my offer now that she’s heard the consequences of her actions. What do you think?”
Ben stared at him, his whole body shaking under strain of breathing. Using his last ounce of energy, he took a deep breath and spit blood in Yurgin’s face.
To his credit, Yurgin barely flinched. He blinked slowly, his face remaining neutral, and pulled out a handkerchief from his front pocket to wipe at the blood and spit on his cheek.
“Well, I can’t say I’m surprised by your reaction given the circumstances.” He stands up and pockets the cloth. “Now, my associate here is quite good at his job, and knows the exact places to target that cause the most pain, as I’m sure you can attest to. It appears that you have a mild concussion, so don’t expect to stay conscious for much longer. Let’s hope for your sake that the next time we see each other, Ms. Knope has agreed to our terms.”
The pair turned and left without another word, Ben losing consciousness before the cell door closed behind them.
~~~~~
A splash of water to the face jerked him awake. Every cell in his body screamed in pain, and he wanted nothing more than to fall back into blissful oblivion. But before he had the chance, a rough hand pushed his head backwards.
"This is your morning wake up call, Benji," Yurgin’s now familiar voice said. "Too bad we had to waste your water ration on it."
At the mention of water, Ben's throat constricted and it felt like his mouth was filled with sand. Ben looked at Yurgin through the one eye that wasn't completely swollen shut, but said nothing.
"Oof," Yurgin grimaced, "you're not looking too hot there, Wyatt."
He tried to open his mouth to say something back, but it only made the pain in his jaw worse.
"Yeah, I wouldn’t move that jaw around too much of I were you. I expect it to be sore for quite some time.”
“Yeah, well,” Ben gritted out, “I’ve had worse.”
Yurgin crouched down in front of Ben and stared at him so intently it started to unnerve him. “You have, haven’t you?” His voice wasn’t threatening or mocking, but oddly sincere.
Ben swallowed thickly and stared right back. “So, where’s your sidekick?”
Yurgin waved his hand absently behind him. “Oh, you know, he’s off doing other things. I don’t need him just yet. I wanted to take this opportunity and have a little chat.”
Ben stiffened in his chair. “I told you, I’m not telling you anything, so you can save your breath.”
“Oh, no, nothing like that. Just a civilized conversation between old friends.”
“There’s nothing we have to talk about.”
“Now, I wouldn’t say that. I’m sure there are a lot of questions you have for me.”
He was right. Ben had a million questions. Questions about ICE Town, questions about how he was able to orchestrate everything so elaborately, so perfectly, but he wasn’t about to ask them. He wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of gloating.
Unfortunately, he didn’t have to ask.
“Well, I know you’re probably too prideful to say anything, but that certainly won’t stop me. Maybe it is a bit cliche and reminiscent of a James Bond villain, but you do know how I love to brag.”
“You’ve won,” Ben replied in a defeated tone. “You always win. What more do you want from me?”
“I want the satisfaction of seeing you realize your loss. I want to be the one to show you just exactly how you failed.” He stood up and started pacing. “You know, I will give credit where it’s due. You’re a lot smarter than I last remember. You caught on faster than I had anticipated.”
“Didn’t matter though, did it?”
“Oh, no of course not,” Yurgin said dismissively, “but I can still say I’m impressed. And if it’s any consolation, you were right. You were right about Joe, for example. He was nothing more than a little, expendable pawn. He served his purpose and then-”
“And then you had him killed,” Ben spat.
Yurgin turned to him without a single ounce of remorse in his eyes. “Yes, I did. He was weak and a liability to us, so his suicide was staged.” A slow smile spread on his face. “But I don’t need to tell you that, do I? You saw right through that set up.”
“And then you killed off the guard that killed Joe. Just going around covering up your tracks.”
“Brilliantly, you must admit. Even when you were able figured out our surveillance tape cover up, there was no way to link it back to anyone. Every move so far has been absolutely perfect.”
“Not every one,” Ben said. “That day in the park, your sniper failed. Leslie survived.”
Ben jumped at Yurgin’s loud, boisterous laugh. “Oh, Benji. Just when I think you’re catching up, you fall ten steps back. Do you honestly think that if we wanted her dead, she wouldn’t be?”
“Don’t try to save face, Yurgin. Your sniper botched it up.”
“My sniper was one of the most brilliant sharpshooters I have ever seen. Think about it, Benji. Think about how you were even able to notice him at all. You must remember the number one rule?”
Ben wracked his brain, calling back to his years of military training. “Of course,” he whispered to himself and slammed his back against the seat in anger. “The focus. He took the cover off of the focus too soon. You knew that--” He stared up at a grinning Yurgin with wide eyes. “It was me. You were trying to shoot me. You were counting on me seeing him and-”
“And protecting Leslie. Yes, that’s exactly it. Whether you lived or died at that point was of no consequence. We knew once the attempt happened, she’d be hidden away and we’d have a better chance of getting to her directly.”
“But how? How were you able to organize it so quickly. The park wasn’t meant to open for months.”
The pacing started again, but Yurgin’s smug grin never faded. “But the date got moved up because of a generous donation by someone who desired to remain anonymous.” He stopped to turn and take a bow. “Some of the best money I ever spent.”
Ben was speechless. He wanted to think that if he just had a little more time, he would have figured it out, but he had been so wrong. It was just like when they were 18-year-olds playing chess in their bunk. Nothing changed.
“You know,” Yurgin continued, oblivious to Ben’s inner turmoil, “I gotta say though, I’m a little miffed that you never connected it to me. I mean I practically gave you a business card-”
“The black knight,” Ben said quietly and hung his head. “I know. I remember all that now. I didn’t for the longest time. I blocked out a lot of that day, but I remember.”
“I was always outsmarting you, wasn’t I?”
Ben raised his eyes and glared at Yurgin. “How much of this was about me? All of these mind games and tricks to get to Leslie. How much of it was because of me?”
He shrugged and sighed. “When this was all being put into place, I must admit that I had hoped you would get called in. After all, you were one of the top intelligence officers specializing in Border security. I wanted you. You were the only one worthy enough to be my opponent.”
He wasn’t sure why, but all of a sudden their final exchange nearly twenty years ago flashed again in his mind. The far off and conflicted look he gave Ben when he asked where he’d be during the drill. He was planning his attack, yes, but it was more than that.
“It was you,” Ben whispered to himself. “At ICE Town, it was you.”
“I think we’ve established that, Benji,” Yurgin snorted.
“No, not the bomb. I mean, you’re the only reason I’m still alive, aren’t you?”
Yurgin stopped his pacing, frozen in place, but refused to look over at Ben.
“It was you, wasn’t it?” Ben urged. “I always wondered why I was the only one left alive. Why everyone else was either killed by the blast or shot after the fact. You asked me where I’d be so you could detonate the bomb without me being in the mess tent.” He took a sharp breath as his mind connected the faded memories together. “You-you told them I was already dead so they wouldn’t shoot me. All this time I thought it was either a mistake or they wanted to leave someone behind to take the blame, but that wasn’t it. You let me live, didn’t you?”
“I was weak,” Yurgin hissed. “I was young and weak and I paid for my mistake. I won’t be making it again. I thought there was hope for you, you know. You really were brilliant. I thought maybe I could make you see the truth, convince you to join our cause, but you were too loyal, even then. And now, you’re going to pay for that loyalty.”
“Then why aren’t I dead yet?”
“I told you, you’re my leverage, and unfortunately for you, I didn’t just come in here to take trips down memory lane. Your president has 7 days to make a very important decision, and for each day she refuses, you pay the consequences.”
“And if she still says no?”
“Then you both die. You’ll die and we will declare war and take back what’s ours. Either way, we’ll win. But let’s hope for everyone’s sake that she cooperates.”
“She won’t.”
Yurgin narrowed his eyes at him. “And you’re fine with that? You’re willing to die for nothing more than a lost cause?”
Ben raised his head as high as he could, squaring his aching jaw defiantly. “Yes.”
Yurgin looked over his shoulder and his right-hand man walked through, almost as if he was waiting at the door to enter at the right moment. He didn’t come empty handed this time-- clutched in his right fist was a large, black police baton.
Walking behind him, the man knelt down and started untying the rope that secured Ben’s wrists together behind his back, only to retie them in the front. Next, he worked on the rope holding him to the chair.
Ben was hoisted up like a ragdoll, and for the first time, he noticed a large hook hanging from the ceiling. His bound hands were forced above his head and hung securely on the hook. Even though it was low enough for his feet to touch the ground, his body was too weak to fully support itself. His shoulders throbbed from bearing the brunt of his weight as the tops of his shins grazed the ground.
Yurgin’s nameless companion stared at him, tapping the baton rhythmically against his own thigh.
When he raised it into the air, Ben closed his eyes and prepared himself for the first strike.
~~~~~~
He was dead. He had to be.
That was the only explanation as to why he no longer felt like dying--why for the first time in days he felt no pain.
His torture had been relentless, each day a new form of abuse that left him lifeless on the ground, bruised and bloodied and praying for death.
But now, now it felt like he was lying on the softest bed imaginable, his head pillowed by clouds, and he kept his eyes closed fearing he'd lose it all once he opened them.
Was this what heaven was like? Had God finally taken pity on him and put him out of his misery?
When ten small fingers ran through his hair in a gentle massage and a familiar voice softly hummed to him, he knew it had to be an angel. His lips quirked up in a contented smile as her nails scratched his scalp.
“What are you smiling at?” the voice lightly teased, a finger moving to bop him on the nose.
His grin only grew wider. “This is the best I’ve felt in a very long time. I’m allowed to enjoy death, aren’t I?”
She ruffled his hair and laughed. “You aren’t dead, silly. Why don’t you open your eyes and I’ll show you?”
“Nope,” he shook his head indignantly. “If I’m not dead, I don’t want to open my eyes and wake up.”
“You won’t, I promise. Would you just open you your eyes? For me?”
He could never, not even now, refuse her anything. He slowly opened his eyes on by one and saw Leslie’s smiling face hovering over him.
“That wasn’t so bad was it?”
She was dressed in a flowing, white gown, her hair in soft curls framing her face. He reached for her but stopped himself a few inches away, afraid to touch her, to contaminate her.
“You can touch me, you know.” She grabbed his hand and brought it to her cheek. “See? I am very much real.
His fingers curled around her jawline, the feel of her invading his senses. “I must be in heaven,” he whispered to her, “and you’re my angel.”
She shook her head, her smile turning wistful. “No, but I almost wish that was true.”
For the first time, Ben looked around and noticed the grassy fields and the tall, healthy trees. “Where are we, then?”
She lifted her head and a breeze blew her hair away from her face. Her smile once again turned joyful as she took in the scenery. “We’re at one of my favorite places ever in Ramsett Park. I used to love coming here as a kid. It’s the best place to sit and think and just enjoy nature, and I wanted to show it to you. I haven’t been here in a really long time.”
“It’s beautiful.”
She just nodded and then her lower lip started to tremble. Soon, Ben felt tiny drops of her tears drip down onto him.
“Hey,” he reached up and dragged his thumb across her cheek. “What are the tears for?”
“I just,” she sniffled, “I really wanted to take you here one day. When all of this was over and done with and we could go out together on dates and do things like normal people.”
“I don’t think we could ever be quite like normal people.”
That earned him a fleeting smile. “Well, as normal as we could possibly be. There are so many things I wanted to do with you, and now,” she wiped at her eyes, “now we won’t ever get to do them.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do,” she shot back and her voice cracked. “And you do, too. I can’t give them what they want. I can’t--” She put her face in her hands and started sobbing. “I can’t save you.”
He finally sat up and turned to pull her into his arms. She clung to him tightly, grasping at the back of his shirt trying to be as close to him as possible as she cried into his neck.
“I’m so sorry,” she gasped. “I’m so sorry I can’t save you. Can you ever forgive me?”
“Shhh, it’s okay,” he soothed, running his hands over her hand and down her back. “None of this is your fault. I don’t blame you, not even the slightest bit. There’s nothing to even forgive. You’re doing what we know you have to do.”
“My only consolation is that they’ll kill me too. I know I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I can hear you, you know. I can hear everything that they’re doing to you and I wish it was me. I just wish I was dead and this was all over.”
He pulled away from her sharply and cradled her face in his hands, forcing her to meet his eyes. “Don’t you dare say that again, okay. Don’t you ever think that you deserve this or that your life isn’t worth living because I’m not in it. Please, you have to promise me you’ll do whatever you can to make it, to fight. You have to fight for me and for everyone back home and for Pawnee. Do you hear me?”
“It doesn’t matter. If I don’t give them what they want they’re going to kill me. My death will be the start of war. I’m scared, Ben. I don’t know what to do.”
He folded her back into his arms. “I’m so sorry.” It was his turn to apologize. “I’m sorry I failed you. Yurgin was playing me this entire time, and I just wasn’t good enough to catch on. If I was, maybe we would have figured this out sooner and we wouldn’t be here. If anything, this is all my fault. The most important job in the world and I failed.”
“If none of this is my fault, then it certainly isn’t yours,” she said, her voice muffled by his shirt. “You did everything that you could possibly do.” She pulled away and smiled sadly. “I guess this was just what was meant to be.”
They both sat there, neither one sure what to say or do. Ben began pulling at blades of grass and tearing them into pieces, anything to keep his hands occupied while Leslie stared blankly ahead of her.
“What would we do?” he finally asked, breaking the silence.
She turned to him and blinked. “What?”
“You said you’ve always wanted to bring me here, have a real day out like normal people. Tell me what we would’ve done.”
A pained expression crossed her face and she slowly shook her head. “Ben, I don’t-”
“Please. I-” he swallowed and took a deep breath, “I don’t know how much time I have left here, wherever this is, and I just want to spend it with you, hearing your voice and imagining everything I wish we could have done together.”
He could see the conflict in her eyes before she finally gave in. “Okay.” She patted her lap and Ben laid his head back down, sighing when she started running her hands through his hair again. “Well, in this scenario you’ve already gotten a huge promotion and are living in the Capital City, but you spent the night at my place, and I made waffles for breakfast, of course.”
“Of course,” he agreed with a smirk. “So, I stayed the night at your place, we had amazing morning sex, then you made waffles. What next?”
She looked down and raised her eyebrow. “I never said anything about morning sex.”
“It was implied.”
“Oh, was it?”
“Yes, now keep going.”
She chuckled and continued her story. “Okay, so spent the night, amazing sex, waffles….right, so after we get ready-”
“By sharing a shower-”
“Who’s telling this story, Ben, me or you?”
“Continue.”
“So after we get ready, we stop by the kitchens and J.J. packed a picnic lunch to take with us on our day out.”
“That was nice of him,” Ben hummed.
“Yes, it was very nice of him. He’s wonderful. Anyway, so we get our picnic basket--and before you interrupt again, yes he put it in a real picnic basket because this is my fantasy and I can do what I want.”
Ben chuckled and turned to press a quick kiss to Leslie’s leg while her hands still ghost through his hair.
“We take our picnic basket and drive out to Ramsett Park. We hold hands and go for a long, lazy walk, and I show you all of my favorite spots. I’d show you the swingset where I first jumped out of the seat mid-air when I was nine, and then you insist I sit on it and you push me so high I feel like I’m flying. I’d point out all of the different types of trees and all of the different places where they have special events and deep down you don’t care all that much but you indulge me because you love me and let me ramble.
“I’d show you the spot where I got my first kiss and you pretend to not be a little jealous but I know you are because you give me a great big kiss right there. I’d take you to the tree where Ann and I vowed to be best friends and I carved our initials into the trunk. By this point, we’re both tired and hungry so I take you here, to my favorite spot.”
She stopped and Ben heard her sniffle quietly. He looked up and saw her staring out into space again while she wiped a hand across her eyes.
“Then what?” he said softly, prodding her to continue with the fantasy that was everything he could have ever dreamed of.
She took a deep, shuddering breath. “Then we eat lunch and talk about anything and everything we could possibly think of. Some of it’s dark and serious, but some of it’s just fun, goofy nonsense.” She moved her fingers out of his hair and ran them over the contours of his face. “I’d tell you how much I love you and that I can’t imagine my life without you anymore. I’d say that you’re one of the best things to possibly happen to me, and even though we had to go through so much to get here, it was all worth it if it meant I got to be with you.”
There was a brief moment of silence before Ben sat himself up and turned to Leslie. He picked up her now limp hands and kissed away the tears she was allowing to freely fall . “Do you know what I’d say to you?” he whispered against her cheek.
She shook her head.
“I’d tell you that my life was meaningless until I met you. That you taught me how to love again, not only how to love another person, but I’m slowly learning that it’s okay to love myself, too. You didn’t try to fix me, you just loved me. I’d say that I didn’t know it was possible to love someone this much, and no matter how many times you tell me I’m wrong, I know I’m not good enough for you. But I couldn’t let you go, even if I tried, and I know that makes me selfish, but I don’t care.”
He pulled away just enough to look into her eyes. “I’d tell you that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And some day--not today or tomorrow--but someday, I’ll ask you. I don’t know where, when, or how, but I will.”
Her face crumbled, but before she could respond to him, he kissed her. He kissed her because he couldn’t bear to see the misery on her face anymore. He kissed her because they would never get their perfect day together, kissed her because it very well might be the last chance he had. He still didn’t really know where he was, what he was doing here. It wasn’t real, it couldn’t be, but that didn’t stop him--didn’t make it feel any less real.
The kiss was desperate, filled with anguish and longing. They conveyed everything they could to one another through that kiss, everything that they just couldn’t say out loud.
It was every kiss they would be missing in their future. It was the kiss they would share after their first real date, it was the dozens of tiny kisses he would pepper across her face after their first night spent together outside of the cabin. It was their first public kiss given after a particularly inspiring speech, Leslie proudly claiming him as hers in front of the nation.
It was the kiss she’d give him after throwing her arms around him and screaming “Yes, of course I’ll marry you”, the kiss that would seal them as man and wife, the kiss that he’d give her after staring down at their newborn child.
It was all of these and so many, many more. It was everything that was being stolen away from them.
Their lips broke apart as they gasped for air, but Leslie refused to release her desperate grip on him. She burrowed her face into the crook of his neck and shivered.
God, she felt so real in his arms, so solid and warm. He could feel the way her nose brushed against the sensitive skin on his neck, could smell the faint traces of shampoo in her hair.
“I never want to let you go,” she said with a whimper.
“Then don’t. We can stay here forever, just you and me.”
When she finally pulled away, the look on her face scared him. He had never seen her look so broken, so defeated. “No,” she shook her head sadly, “we can’t. You have to wake up.”
At those words, an overwhelming sense of panic came over him. His hands started to shake and his breaths were harder and harder to come by. If he woke up, he’d never see her again, and that alone was a fate worse than death.
“No, please,” he begged on the verge of tears, “please don’t make. I don’t want to wake up.”
She reached out and cupped his cheek. “I know you don’t, but you have to. Just promise me you’ll be strong, okay? Promise me.”
“Leslie, please, I can’t-”
“Yes, you can.” Her voice was firmer now, leaving no room for arguments. “You need to be strong and just wake up.”
And like that, she was gone.
~~~~~
He groaned when he felt a hand quickly hitting his face. It wasn’t the same strong and destructive hand that he had become accustomed to over the last several days, but a softer, gentler one.
He still tried to ignore it.
He tried to hold onto the remnants of unconsciousness, tried to will his way back to Leslie and his dreams, but when he felt every nerve ending catch fire, felt the familiar pain that coursed through every inch of his body, he knew it was too late.
And that damn, incessant slapping on his face.
“Please, wake up. You have to get up.”
At first, he thought it was just an echo from his dream, it had to be. There was no other way to explain that voice, but when it repeated itself as the hand kept smacking against his cheek, his heart lurched in his chest.
“L-L-Le,” he tried to rasp out, but he was in too much pain to form words.
The voice let out a sob of relief, and the slapping quickly turned into a gentle caress. “Yeah, sweetheart, it’s me.”
But it made no sense. He was back in his cell, the pain and the cold feel of the cement on his back told him as much, and yet here she was, coaxing him out of his sleep.
He struggled to form a question, his eyes still closed and heavy, but she shushed him with a finger over his mouth. “I know you’re confused, and I promise I will explain everything to you, but I need you to open your eyes. Please?”
She sounded so broken and desperate that he used every ounce of energy to force his swollen eyes open, even just a fraction. He was rewarded with the sight of Leslie leaning over him, her hands still on his cheeks and a brilliant smile on her face. “Hey. You wouldn’t wake up and you had me so scared.”
He tried to smile back, but his chapped, bloodied lips wouldn’t budge, so he just continued to stare, to drink her in instead of wrack his brain as to how any of this was possible. He honestly thought he’d never see her again.
A hushed voice from the door interrupted them. “President Knope, please, we need to hurry and get him out of here.”
Ben turned towards the door, but between the glaring light and his damaged eyes, he could only make out a large blur.
Leslie nodded at the blur then turned back Ben. “Just hold on for me, okay? We're gonna get you out of here."
Author: zarrati
Rating: R for Language, sexual content, and violent/traumatic themes
Fandom: Parks and Recreation-Leslie/Ben
Author’s note: Back to Ben's POV. Please be warned that there are some depictions of violence and torture. I tried not to overdo it, but it's still here.
He smiled the crooked smile that had haunted Ben’s nightmares for twenty years. “I am the boss, and we’re going to have so much fun with you.”
Pawnee/Eagleton Border
1993
“Seriously, Benji, just make a move already.”
“Would you chill out? I’m thinking.”
Jimmy leaned back and smirked. “It ain’t helping you, dude. Stop being a pussy and just do it.”
Ben’s hand hovered over the chessboard, flitting nervously over several pieces.
“Jesus Christ, man,” Jimmy barked out a laugh. “It’s just a game. Not the fucking world chess championship.”
Ben looked up and squinted. “You’re only saying that because you’re winning.”
“You’re right. Now, hurry up and make your move so I can go ahead and finish the game.”
Ben finally chose his piece, actually fairly confident in his move. “Ha, take that, Yurgin.”
The other young man simply grinned. “Not too shabby, Wyatt. But, unfortunately for you,” he says, reaching for his black knight, “it just wasn’t good enough. Checkmate.”
“Damn it. You and your fucking knight.” He moved to run his hands through his hair, still not used to its short crew cut. “I don’t know how you do it every single time.”
“What can I say?” Jimmy shrugged. “It’s my signature move. You’re just upset because you still can’t beat me.”
“I’ll beat you one of these days. You just wait.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re all talk, Benji. Just admit it. I’m better than you and always will be better than you. There’s no shame in embracing your fate.” He laughed and held up his favored black knight. “And as long as I have this guy right here, I’m impossible to defeat.”
Ben side eyed him and shook his head. “What the hell is your deal with that anyway? How many other pieces are on the board, and you insist on using your knight as your final move like 90% of the time.”
“I told you, it’s my signature. Besides, out of every piece on there, this one is the most unique. Sure, the queen can basically move wherever the fuck she wants, but that just makes it too easy. This guy though, he’s special, sneaky. He’s the only one that can jump over other pieces completely, either taking them out or ignoring them altogether. He'll come when you least expect."
Ben smirked and raised his eyebrow. "Should I leave you two alone? Need some privacy to jerk off to a chess piece?"
Jimmy's eyes flashed and he threw the piece at a laughing Ben. "Shut the fuck up, man," he grinned. "Don't make me kick your ass."
"Oh yeah? Do I have to remind you who kicked your ass the last time we trained in hand to hand combat?"
"Whatever. You're just lucky that you're scrawny and fast. Like a weasel or something."
"A weasel?" Ben guffawed. "Seriously, that's the best you got?"
"I call it like I see it. Besides, I might not have brawn, but I have brains." He tapped his forehead. "This is my real weapon. You might beat me in a fight, but I'll outsmart you every time."
Ben just shook his head. "You're nuts, man, you know that?"
Jimmy gave Ben a dark smile. "You have no idea." His gaze shifted to look over Ben's shoulder, outside the tent. "Killnose is walking back and forth like a caged rat. How much you wanna bet he's gonna spring a surprise drill on us soon?"
Ben turned around and shrugged, his eyes following his pacing commander. "Who knows. Either way, it's our turn to stay behind. Good thing, too. It's hotter than hell out."
"You'd be on com duty, right?" Jimmy asked.
"Yup. I'd barely have time to grab a bite from the mess tent before heading over." Ben turned back to Jimmy and found him staring off into space, thinking. "You okay, dude? Penny for your thoughts."
Jimmy flinched and his eyes refocused. "Ha, yeah right. These thoughts are worth a hell of a lot more than that."
"Sure, man, if you say so."
"Gather 'round, ladies and gentleman." Killnose's voice boomed. "It's drill time."
"Told ya," Jimmy winked.
Ben rolled his eyes and stood up. "You coming," he called to Jimmy over his shoulder.
"Uh, yeah. I'll be along. I just gotta go check something out."
"Alright. I'll see you around."
Jimmy didn’t respond.
~~~~~
Unknown Location
Present Day
The memory slammed into Ben so forcefully he gasped like a drowning man breaking the surface of the water.
He was still trying to wrap his brain around the fact that Jimmy had orchestrated this entire scheme. From the letters to the shooting, the bombing to the raid on the safe house--it was all because of Yurgin.
And just like before, he had missed it. It was so obvious to him now, further proof that hindsight really was 20/20. Further proof that it all might have been prevented if he had just payed attention.
He had repressed so many of his memories surrounding ICE Town out of his mind’s instinct to preserve itself, preserve that last, thin thread of sanity. But now that he knew, it really did seem fitting, in its own way. He had almost ended Ben’s life all those years ago, and he would be the one to actually end it now.
He had been taunting him from the beginning, in ways Ben hadn’t even realized. This was personal to Yurgin, throwing their teenage friendship in his face. Everything to him had been nothing more than an elaborate game, a battle of wits spanning twenty years, and it was a game that Ben had lost.
And in that moment, he ached for Jimmy, despite everything. He ached for the young man who had so much promise, who had been a friend to him when he needed it as a fresh faced young man in a scary new world.
But he wasn’t Jimmy anymore. Maybe the Jimmy he’d known never really existed. Either way, this man, this James Yurgin, had once destroyed his life, and now he had come back to finish the job.
Ben continued to sit in silence, ignoring the ache in his shoulder. The dull throbbing seemed so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.
There was no doubt in Ben’s mind the kind of “fun” they had in store for him. As a military officer, it was something that was always put forth as a possibility, even more so once he started in intelligence.
He could only hope that Yurgin was being truthful and that Leslie was still alive and unharmed. There was no indication as to what these “plans” were, but he prayed that it didn’t involve laying a finger on her.
He would gladly take any punishment in her place, endure any kind of torture imaginable if it meant that she went untouched.
His fear that they were with Leslie was confirmed when her screaming voice seeped into the cell. There was a rush of relief that he could hear her, that she was alive, but it was mixed with the terror of not knowing what was happening to her.
Without thinking, he responded with screams of his own, desperate cries of her name so that she would know that he was there with her. She must have heard him because her screams soon took the form of his name before they stopped completely.
Her forced silence only served to fuel his rage. He screamed and cursed things that would have made his foul-mouthed, former commanding officer blush. If anything, he wanted to divert their attention back to him. The more time they spent shutting him up, the less they had with Leslie.
He knew his plan was successful when he heard the click of the lock opening and Yurgin and his sidekick walked back into the cell.
“You certainly are a loud dog in his cage, aren’t you, Benji?” Yurgin commented as he walked towards him.
“Fuck you.”
Yurgin feigned a gasp of shock. “You Pawneans. Always so crass.” He walked slowly in a circle around Ben’s chair, eyeing him up and down. “You know, you look a lot better than I thought you would, you know, after I tried to kill you. Still got a face, at least.”
“You son of a bitch!” Ben screamed and thrashed against his restraints. “You fucking ruined my life and you’re gonna say that shit to me?”
“You lived,” Yurgin hissed, moving inches from Ben’s face. “You lived when you weren’t supposed to. That’s a hell of a lot more than you deserved. You more than lived. You thrived. You think you would have gotten half as far as you did if it wasn’t for me? You’d be some two-bit government drone if it wasn’t for what I did to you.”
“You’re sick.”
Yurgin stood up straight, turning around to walk back towards his companion. “You know,” he said, completely ignoring Ben’s comment, “word on the street is that you had a birthday recently. Turns out we crashed your party. A pity, really. It might have been you’re last one, so you should at least have gotten to enjoy it.”
“Might have been? Makes it sound like there’s a chance I’ll leave here alive.”
“Oh, there’s always a possibility. That really depends on your girlfriend.”
Ben narrowed his eyes at the pair, ever-so-briefly imagining his hands tightening around Yurgin’s throat. “If you think you can use me as a bargaining piece, you’re wrong. If it comes down to me or her, you let her go.”
“Oh, Benji,” Yurgin laughed, “trust me, I know you two are a packaged deal. Let’s just say that I have a little proposition for her, that if she accepts, can spare both of your lives.”
Ben clenched his jaw and spoke through gritted teeth. “She will never make any kind of deal with you. Not for anything in the world.”
“Not even for you? Well, that sounds rather unromantic.”
“This is bigger than us. She knows I’d never forgive her if she sacrificed anything to save me.”
“Does she, though? She seems rather smitten with you. But even if you’re right, we have ways of helping her...have a change of heart.” He turned to look at the large man at his side. “We made a promise to Ms. Knope about what would happen if she screamed, and I never go back on a promise. I think it’s time Benji got his birthday present.”
A twisted smile formed on the silent man’s face, the first time Ben saw him display any kind of emotion.
The man actually cracked his knuckles as he walked over to him, and Ben might have found the situation hilariously cliche if it wasn’t for the hateful, menacing look being directed his way. He took a deep breath and braced himself. He wasn’t going to show weakness, he wasn’t going to let them draw a single cry of pain from him. He knew they wanted Leslie hear him, and he wasn’t going to do that to her, wasn't going to give them the satisfaction.
The first blow to his stomach knocked the wind out of him, and he barely had time to recover before a fist slammed into him again. He pressed his lips together tight, muffling the moan that came involuntarily.
He expected the next hit to once again be in his abdomen, so when a fist collided with his face, he was wholly unprepared. His neck snapped to the right and his jaw felt like it was on fire, blood spraying onto the floor.
The metallic taste invaded his tastebuds, and he gagged as the liquid trickled down his throat. The next hit came and a cry left his lips before he could stop it, and the next, and the next. He thought his body was used to pain, but it could never really get used to something like this.
The punches alternated between his face and body, wherever his tormenter decided to strike. He was fairly certain that at least one of his ribs was broken, so despite his overwhelming desire to keep silent, his screams grew louder and louder with every blow until his throat became raw.
The blood that trickled down his nose and mouth tickled his skin as his body became weaker and weaker, his assailant now having to hold Ben’s head up by his hair to keep his chin from slumping against his chest.
Yurgin never once touched him. He stood off to the side and watched, his eyes focused and concentrated. There wasn’t a look of sadistic pleasure on his face like his sidekick, which surprised Ben. Through his haze, he at least expected to see Yurgin enjoying finally exacting his revenge, but that look never came.
He wasn’t sure if what he saw instead disturbed him even more.
Ben didn’t know how long it had lasted, but finally Yurgin held up his hand and his sidekick immediately stopped. With a look of satisfaction, he clenched and unclenched his own bloodied fist and stepped away.
Ben’s breath was labored, painful due to the damage to his ribs, and he felt consciousness slowly slipping away from him
Yurgin walked over and once again bent over to be eye-level with him. “Good job, Benji. You really tried to hold out there, but I’m pretty sure your pitiful screams did the trick. Maybe Ms. Knope will be receptive to my offer now that she’s heard the consequences of her actions. What do you think?”
Ben stared at him, his whole body shaking under strain of breathing. Using his last ounce of energy, he took a deep breath and spit blood in Yurgin’s face.
To his credit, Yurgin barely flinched. He blinked slowly, his face remaining neutral, and pulled out a handkerchief from his front pocket to wipe at the blood and spit on his cheek.
“Well, I can’t say I’m surprised by your reaction given the circumstances.” He stands up and pockets the cloth. “Now, my associate here is quite good at his job, and knows the exact places to target that cause the most pain, as I’m sure you can attest to. It appears that you have a mild concussion, so don’t expect to stay conscious for much longer. Let’s hope for your sake that the next time we see each other, Ms. Knope has agreed to our terms.”
The pair turned and left without another word, Ben losing consciousness before the cell door closed behind them.
~~~~~
A splash of water to the face jerked him awake. Every cell in his body screamed in pain, and he wanted nothing more than to fall back into blissful oblivion. But before he had the chance, a rough hand pushed his head backwards.
"This is your morning wake up call, Benji," Yurgin’s now familiar voice said. "Too bad we had to waste your water ration on it."
At the mention of water, Ben's throat constricted and it felt like his mouth was filled with sand. Ben looked at Yurgin through the one eye that wasn't completely swollen shut, but said nothing.
"Oof," Yurgin grimaced, "you're not looking too hot there, Wyatt."
He tried to open his mouth to say something back, but it only made the pain in his jaw worse.
"Yeah, I wouldn’t move that jaw around too much of I were you. I expect it to be sore for quite some time.”
“Yeah, well,” Ben gritted out, “I’ve had worse.”
Yurgin crouched down in front of Ben and stared at him so intently it started to unnerve him. “You have, haven’t you?” His voice wasn’t threatening or mocking, but oddly sincere.
Ben swallowed thickly and stared right back. “So, where’s your sidekick?”
Yurgin waved his hand absently behind him. “Oh, you know, he’s off doing other things. I don’t need him just yet. I wanted to take this opportunity and have a little chat.”
Ben stiffened in his chair. “I told you, I’m not telling you anything, so you can save your breath.”
“Oh, no, nothing like that. Just a civilized conversation between old friends.”
“There’s nothing we have to talk about.”
“Now, I wouldn’t say that. I’m sure there are a lot of questions you have for me.”
He was right. Ben had a million questions. Questions about ICE Town, questions about how he was able to orchestrate everything so elaborately, so perfectly, but he wasn’t about to ask them. He wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of gloating.
Unfortunately, he didn’t have to ask.
“Well, I know you’re probably too prideful to say anything, but that certainly won’t stop me. Maybe it is a bit cliche and reminiscent of a James Bond villain, but you do know how I love to brag.”
“You’ve won,” Ben replied in a defeated tone. “You always win. What more do you want from me?”
“I want the satisfaction of seeing you realize your loss. I want to be the one to show you just exactly how you failed.” He stood up and started pacing. “You know, I will give credit where it’s due. You’re a lot smarter than I last remember. You caught on faster than I had anticipated.”
“Didn’t matter though, did it?”
“Oh, no of course not,” Yurgin said dismissively, “but I can still say I’m impressed. And if it’s any consolation, you were right. You were right about Joe, for example. He was nothing more than a little, expendable pawn. He served his purpose and then-”
“And then you had him killed,” Ben spat.
Yurgin turned to him without a single ounce of remorse in his eyes. “Yes, I did. He was weak and a liability to us, so his suicide was staged.” A slow smile spread on his face. “But I don’t need to tell you that, do I? You saw right through that set up.”
“And then you killed off the guard that killed Joe. Just going around covering up your tracks.”
“Brilliantly, you must admit. Even when you were able figured out our surveillance tape cover up, there was no way to link it back to anyone. Every move so far has been absolutely perfect.”
“Not every one,” Ben said. “That day in the park, your sniper failed. Leslie survived.”
Ben jumped at Yurgin’s loud, boisterous laugh. “Oh, Benji. Just when I think you’re catching up, you fall ten steps back. Do you honestly think that if we wanted her dead, she wouldn’t be?”
“Don’t try to save face, Yurgin. Your sniper botched it up.”
“My sniper was one of the most brilliant sharpshooters I have ever seen. Think about it, Benji. Think about how you were even able to notice him at all. You must remember the number one rule?”
Ben wracked his brain, calling back to his years of military training. “Of course,” he whispered to himself and slammed his back against the seat in anger. “The focus. He took the cover off of the focus too soon. You knew that--” He stared up at a grinning Yurgin with wide eyes. “It was me. You were trying to shoot me. You were counting on me seeing him and-”
“And protecting Leslie. Yes, that’s exactly it. Whether you lived or died at that point was of no consequence. We knew once the attempt happened, she’d be hidden away and we’d have a better chance of getting to her directly.”
“But how? How were you able to organize it so quickly. The park wasn’t meant to open for months.”
The pacing started again, but Yurgin’s smug grin never faded. “But the date got moved up because of a generous donation by someone who desired to remain anonymous.” He stopped to turn and take a bow. “Some of the best money I ever spent.”
Ben was speechless. He wanted to think that if he just had a little more time, he would have figured it out, but he had been so wrong. It was just like when they were 18-year-olds playing chess in their bunk. Nothing changed.
“You know,” Yurgin continued, oblivious to Ben’s inner turmoil, “I gotta say though, I’m a little miffed that you never connected it to me. I mean I practically gave you a business card-”
“The black knight,” Ben said quietly and hung his head. “I know. I remember all that now. I didn’t for the longest time. I blocked out a lot of that day, but I remember.”
“I was always outsmarting you, wasn’t I?”
Ben raised his eyes and glared at Yurgin. “How much of this was about me? All of these mind games and tricks to get to Leslie. How much of it was because of me?”
He shrugged and sighed. “When this was all being put into place, I must admit that I had hoped you would get called in. After all, you were one of the top intelligence officers specializing in Border security. I wanted you. You were the only one worthy enough to be my opponent.”
He wasn’t sure why, but all of a sudden their final exchange nearly twenty years ago flashed again in his mind. The far off and conflicted look he gave Ben when he asked where he’d be during the drill. He was planning his attack, yes, but it was more than that.
“It was you,” Ben whispered to himself. “At ICE Town, it was you.”
“I think we’ve established that, Benji,” Yurgin snorted.
“No, not the bomb. I mean, you’re the only reason I’m still alive, aren’t you?”
Yurgin stopped his pacing, frozen in place, but refused to look over at Ben.
“It was you, wasn’t it?” Ben urged. “I always wondered why I was the only one left alive. Why everyone else was either killed by the blast or shot after the fact. You asked me where I’d be so you could detonate the bomb without me being in the mess tent.” He took a sharp breath as his mind connected the faded memories together. “You-you told them I was already dead so they wouldn’t shoot me. All this time I thought it was either a mistake or they wanted to leave someone behind to take the blame, but that wasn’t it. You let me live, didn’t you?”
“I was weak,” Yurgin hissed. “I was young and weak and I paid for my mistake. I won’t be making it again. I thought there was hope for you, you know. You really were brilliant. I thought maybe I could make you see the truth, convince you to join our cause, but you were too loyal, even then. And now, you’re going to pay for that loyalty.”
“Then why aren’t I dead yet?”
“I told you, you’re my leverage, and unfortunately for you, I didn’t just come in here to take trips down memory lane. Your president has 7 days to make a very important decision, and for each day she refuses, you pay the consequences.”
“And if she still says no?”
“Then you both die. You’ll die and we will declare war and take back what’s ours. Either way, we’ll win. But let’s hope for everyone’s sake that she cooperates.”
“She won’t.”
Yurgin narrowed his eyes at him. “And you’re fine with that? You’re willing to die for nothing more than a lost cause?”
Ben raised his head as high as he could, squaring his aching jaw defiantly. “Yes.”
Yurgin looked over his shoulder and his right-hand man walked through, almost as if he was waiting at the door to enter at the right moment. He didn’t come empty handed this time-- clutched in his right fist was a large, black police baton.
Walking behind him, the man knelt down and started untying the rope that secured Ben’s wrists together behind his back, only to retie them in the front. Next, he worked on the rope holding him to the chair.
Ben was hoisted up like a ragdoll, and for the first time, he noticed a large hook hanging from the ceiling. His bound hands were forced above his head and hung securely on the hook. Even though it was low enough for his feet to touch the ground, his body was too weak to fully support itself. His shoulders throbbed from bearing the brunt of his weight as the tops of his shins grazed the ground.
Yurgin’s nameless companion stared at him, tapping the baton rhythmically against his own thigh.
When he raised it into the air, Ben closed his eyes and prepared himself for the first strike.
~~~~~~
He was dead. He had to be.
That was the only explanation as to why he no longer felt like dying--why for the first time in days he felt no pain.
His torture had been relentless, each day a new form of abuse that left him lifeless on the ground, bruised and bloodied and praying for death.
But now, now it felt like he was lying on the softest bed imaginable, his head pillowed by clouds, and he kept his eyes closed fearing he'd lose it all once he opened them.
Was this what heaven was like? Had God finally taken pity on him and put him out of his misery?
When ten small fingers ran through his hair in a gentle massage and a familiar voice softly hummed to him, he knew it had to be an angel. His lips quirked up in a contented smile as her nails scratched his scalp.
“What are you smiling at?” the voice lightly teased, a finger moving to bop him on the nose.
His grin only grew wider. “This is the best I’ve felt in a very long time. I’m allowed to enjoy death, aren’t I?”
She ruffled his hair and laughed. “You aren’t dead, silly. Why don’t you open your eyes and I’ll show you?”
“Nope,” he shook his head indignantly. “If I’m not dead, I don’t want to open my eyes and wake up.”
“You won’t, I promise. Would you just open you your eyes? For me?”
He could never, not even now, refuse her anything. He slowly opened his eyes on by one and saw Leslie’s smiling face hovering over him.
“That wasn’t so bad was it?”
She was dressed in a flowing, white gown, her hair in soft curls framing her face. He reached for her but stopped himself a few inches away, afraid to touch her, to contaminate her.
“You can touch me, you know.” She grabbed his hand and brought it to her cheek. “See? I am very much real.
His fingers curled around her jawline, the feel of her invading his senses. “I must be in heaven,” he whispered to her, “and you’re my angel.”
She shook her head, her smile turning wistful. “No, but I almost wish that was true.”
For the first time, Ben looked around and noticed the grassy fields and the tall, healthy trees. “Where are we, then?”
She lifted her head and a breeze blew her hair away from her face. Her smile once again turned joyful as she took in the scenery. “We’re at one of my favorite places ever in Ramsett Park. I used to love coming here as a kid. It’s the best place to sit and think and just enjoy nature, and I wanted to show it to you. I haven’t been here in a really long time.”
“It’s beautiful.”
She just nodded and then her lower lip started to tremble. Soon, Ben felt tiny drops of her tears drip down onto him.
“Hey,” he reached up and dragged his thumb across her cheek. “What are the tears for?”
“I just,” she sniffled, “I really wanted to take you here one day. When all of this was over and done with and we could go out together on dates and do things like normal people.”
“I don’t think we could ever be quite like normal people.”
That earned him a fleeting smile. “Well, as normal as we could possibly be. There are so many things I wanted to do with you, and now,” she wiped at her eyes, “now we won’t ever get to do them.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do,” she shot back and her voice cracked. “And you do, too. I can’t give them what they want. I can’t--” She put her face in her hands and started sobbing. “I can’t save you.”
He finally sat up and turned to pull her into his arms. She clung to him tightly, grasping at the back of his shirt trying to be as close to him as possible as she cried into his neck.
“I’m so sorry,” she gasped. “I’m so sorry I can’t save you. Can you ever forgive me?”
“Shhh, it’s okay,” he soothed, running his hands over her hand and down her back. “None of this is your fault. I don’t blame you, not even the slightest bit. There’s nothing to even forgive. You’re doing what we know you have to do.”
“My only consolation is that they’ll kill me too. I know I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I can hear you, you know. I can hear everything that they’re doing to you and I wish it was me. I just wish I was dead and this was all over.”
He pulled away from her sharply and cradled her face in his hands, forcing her to meet his eyes. “Don’t you dare say that again, okay. Don’t you ever think that you deserve this or that your life isn’t worth living because I’m not in it. Please, you have to promise me you’ll do whatever you can to make it, to fight. You have to fight for me and for everyone back home and for Pawnee. Do you hear me?”
“It doesn’t matter. If I don’t give them what they want they’re going to kill me. My death will be the start of war. I’m scared, Ben. I don’t know what to do.”
He folded her back into his arms. “I’m so sorry.” It was his turn to apologize. “I’m sorry I failed you. Yurgin was playing me this entire time, and I just wasn’t good enough to catch on. If I was, maybe we would have figured this out sooner and we wouldn’t be here. If anything, this is all my fault. The most important job in the world and I failed.”
“If none of this is my fault, then it certainly isn’t yours,” she said, her voice muffled by his shirt. “You did everything that you could possibly do.” She pulled away and smiled sadly. “I guess this was just what was meant to be.”
They both sat there, neither one sure what to say or do. Ben began pulling at blades of grass and tearing them into pieces, anything to keep his hands occupied while Leslie stared blankly ahead of her.
“What would we do?” he finally asked, breaking the silence.
She turned to him and blinked. “What?”
“You said you’ve always wanted to bring me here, have a real day out like normal people. Tell me what we would’ve done.”
A pained expression crossed her face and she slowly shook her head. “Ben, I don’t-”
“Please. I-” he swallowed and took a deep breath, “I don’t know how much time I have left here, wherever this is, and I just want to spend it with you, hearing your voice and imagining everything I wish we could have done together.”
He could see the conflict in her eyes before she finally gave in. “Okay.” She patted her lap and Ben laid his head back down, sighing when she started running her hands through his hair again. “Well, in this scenario you’ve already gotten a huge promotion and are living in the Capital City, but you spent the night at my place, and I made waffles for breakfast, of course.”
“Of course,” he agreed with a smirk. “So, I stayed the night at your place, we had amazing morning sex, then you made waffles. What next?”
She looked down and raised her eyebrow. “I never said anything about morning sex.”
“It was implied.”
“Oh, was it?”
“Yes, now keep going.”
She chuckled and continued her story. “Okay, so spent the night, amazing sex, waffles….right, so after we get ready-”
“By sharing a shower-”
“Who’s telling this story, Ben, me or you?”
“Continue.”
“So after we get ready, we stop by the kitchens and J.J. packed a picnic lunch to take with us on our day out.”
“That was nice of him,” Ben hummed.
“Yes, it was very nice of him. He’s wonderful. Anyway, so we get our picnic basket--and before you interrupt again, yes he put it in a real picnic basket because this is my fantasy and I can do what I want.”
Ben chuckled and turned to press a quick kiss to Leslie’s leg while her hands still ghost through his hair.
“We take our picnic basket and drive out to Ramsett Park. We hold hands and go for a long, lazy walk, and I show you all of my favorite spots. I’d show you the swingset where I first jumped out of the seat mid-air when I was nine, and then you insist I sit on it and you push me so high I feel like I’m flying. I’d point out all of the different types of trees and all of the different places where they have special events and deep down you don’t care all that much but you indulge me because you love me and let me ramble.
“I’d show you the spot where I got my first kiss and you pretend to not be a little jealous but I know you are because you give me a great big kiss right there. I’d take you to the tree where Ann and I vowed to be best friends and I carved our initials into the trunk. By this point, we’re both tired and hungry so I take you here, to my favorite spot.”
She stopped and Ben heard her sniffle quietly. He looked up and saw her staring out into space again while she wiped a hand across her eyes.
“Then what?” he said softly, prodding her to continue with the fantasy that was everything he could have ever dreamed of.
She took a deep, shuddering breath. “Then we eat lunch and talk about anything and everything we could possibly think of. Some of it’s dark and serious, but some of it’s just fun, goofy nonsense.” She moved her fingers out of his hair and ran them over the contours of his face. “I’d tell you how much I love you and that I can’t imagine my life without you anymore. I’d say that you’re one of the best things to possibly happen to me, and even though we had to go through so much to get here, it was all worth it if it meant I got to be with you.”
There was a brief moment of silence before Ben sat himself up and turned to Leslie. He picked up her now limp hands and kissed away the tears she was allowing to freely fall . “Do you know what I’d say to you?” he whispered against her cheek.
She shook her head.
“I’d tell you that my life was meaningless until I met you. That you taught me how to love again, not only how to love another person, but I’m slowly learning that it’s okay to love myself, too. You didn’t try to fix me, you just loved me. I’d say that I didn’t know it was possible to love someone this much, and no matter how many times you tell me I’m wrong, I know I’m not good enough for you. But I couldn’t let you go, even if I tried, and I know that makes me selfish, but I don’t care.”
He pulled away just enough to look into her eyes. “I’d tell you that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And some day--not today or tomorrow--but someday, I’ll ask you. I don’t know where, when, or how, but I will.”
Her face crumbled, but before she could respond to him, he kissed her. He kissed her because he couldn’t bear to see the misery on her face anymore. He kissed her because they would never get their perfect day together, kissed her because it very well might be the last chance he had. He still didn’t really know where he was, what he was doing here. It wasn’t real, it couldn’t be, but that didn’t stop him--didn’t make it feel any less real.
The kiss was desperate, filled with anguish and longing. They conveyed everything they could to one another through that kiss, everything that they just couldn’t say out loud.
It was every kiss they would be missing in their future. It was the kiss they would share after their first real date, it was the dozens of tiny kisses he would pepper across her face after their first night spent together outside of the cabin. It was their first public kiss given after a particularly inspiring speech, Leslie proudly claiming him as hers in front of the nation.
It was the kiss she’d give him after throwing her arms around him and screaming “Yes, of course I’ll marry you”, the kiss that would seal them as man and wife, the kiss that he’d give her after staring down at their newborn child.
It was all of these and so many, many more. It was everything that was being stolen away from them.
Their lips broke apart as they gasped for air, but Leslie refused to release her desperate grip on him. She burrowed her face into the crook of his neck and shivered.
God, she felt so real in his arms, so solid and warm. He could feel the way her nose brushed against the sensitive skin on his neck, could smell the faint traces of shampoo in her hair.
“I never want to let you go,” she said with a whimper.
“Then don’t. We can stay here forever, just you and me.”
When she finally pulled away, the look on her face scared him. He had never seen her look so broken, so defeated. “No,” she shook her head sadly, “we can’t. You have to wake up.”
At those words, an overwhelming sense of panic came over him. His hands started to shake and his breaths were harder and harder to come by. If he woke up, he’d never see her again, and that alone was a fate worse than death.
“No, please,” he begged on the verge of tears, “please don’t make. I don’t want to wake up.”
She reached out and cupped his cheek. “I know you don’t, but you have to. Just promise me you’ll be strong, okay? Promise me.”
“Leslie, please, I can’t-”
“Yes, you can.” Her voice was firmer now, leaving no room for arguments. “You need to be strong and just wake up.”
And like that, she was gone.
~~~~~
He groaned when he felt a hand quickly hitting his face. It wasn’t the same strong and destructive hand that he had become accustomed to over the last several days, but a softer, gentler one.
He still tried to ignore it.
He tried to hold onto the remnants of unconsciousness, tried to will his way back to Leslie and his dreams, but when he felt every nerve ending catch fire, felt the familiar pain that coursed through every inch of his body, he knew it was too late.
And that damn, incessant slapping on his face.
“Please, wake up. You have to get up.”
At first, he thought it was just an echo from his dream, it had to be. There was no other way to explain that voice, but when it repeated itself as the hand kept smacking against his cheek, his heart lurched in his chest.
“L-L-Le,” he tried to rasp out, but he was in too much pain to form words.
The voice let out a sob of relief, and the slapping quickly turned into a gentle caress. “Yeah, sweetheart, it’s me.”
But it made no sense. He was back in his cell, the pain and the cold feel of the cement on his back told him as much, and yet here she was, coaxing him out of his sleep.
He struggled to form a question, his eyes still closed and heavy, but she shushed him with a finger over his mouth. “I know you’re confused, and I promise I will explain everything to you, but I need you to open your eyes. Please?”
She sounded so broken and desperate that he used every ounce of energy to force his swollen eyes open, even just a fraction. He was rewarded with the sight of Leslie leaning over him, her hands still on his cheeks and a brilliant smile on her face. “Hey. You wouldn’t wake up and you had me so scared.”
He tried to smile back, but his chapped, bloodied lips wouldn’t budge, so he just continued to stare, to drink her in instead of wrack his brain as to how any of this was possible. He honestly thought he’d never see her again.
A hushed voice from the door interrupted them. “President Knope, please, we need to hurry and get him out of here.”
Ben turned towards the door, but between the glaring light and his damaged eyes, he could only make out a large blur.
Leslie nodded at the blur then turned back Ben. “Just hold on for me, okay? We're gonna get you out of here."