Fic: Floral Monstrosities Pike/McCoy PG
Another fill for the Let's Get Gay Married! commentfic meme.
Title: Floral Monstrosities
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek AOS, Pike/McCoy
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Genre: humour
Word Count: Around 900
Summary: McCoy's a little tense about the crowds at their wedding reception.
“Leo, why are you hiding behind this floral monstrosity?”
“More to the damned point, why are there floral edifices the size of small apartment blocks apparently entirely composed of gardenias at my reception?”
“Oh well, that’s probably my mother’s doing. When Honoria Pike gets an idea in her head it’s best to just let her run with it. But that doesn’t explain why you are hiding behind one.”
“Have you seen what’s out there? It’s worse than a battalion of Klingons. At least you know where you stand with Klingons. There are hundreds of people, people I don’t know, people with ranks and titles and power to take down worlds and what are they all doing at my wedding?”
“Leo, we made a deal, remember? In return for you having a small intimate wedding with just our friends and family and no media coverage, we agreed that I could invite a few family friends to the reception.”
“A few? There are hoards of them, thousands, they’re swarming like locusts!”
“You’re exaggerating. I whittled down the list my parents wanted to invite. There are 800 at the most.”
“Eight fucking hundred?”
“What can I say? We’re a political family.”
“Does that include everybody’s damned security? Why is there someone who seems to have a phalanx of bodyguards over there?”
“Oh her, come on Leo, even you must recognize her? Madame Karunga, president of the Federation.”
“Just an old family friend, is she?”
“Sure, she came to my christening and I apparently threw up all over her. It’s part of the family legend.”
“How in seven hells did I get myself into this mess? All I ever wanted to be was a simple country doctor, living a quiet life back in Georgia.”
“That is such crap. Dr CMO of the flagship of the Federation, with neurological research renowned across the quadrant, awarded both the Starfleet Legion of Honor and the Surgeons Decoration. You are hardly unknown yourself. And I don’t believe that’s what you ever wanted. I’ve never seen a social climber on the scale of your ex-wife. She clearly thought she was onto something when she married you. Right now she seems to be trying to get up close and personal with Admiral Barnett.”
“I think Barnett’s wife will have something to say about that. But yes, the look on her face when she realized that she might have married up to the administrator at Emory but I was about to marry up to an Admiral and galactic-wide hero. That was brilliant!”
“See, it’s all good fun. And speaking of that, it looks as if Joanna is enjoying herself.”
“What? Where? With who? I’ll kill him.”
“Leo, no you won’t. She’s with Lieutenant Chekov. She’s just fine.”
“She’s twelve! He’s twenty-two. Stop holding me, dammit. I need to commit murder.”
“He’s far too frightened of both of us - but particularly of you - to do anything. And he doesn’t even swing that way, he’s all eyes for Hikaru. You know that.”
“Yes, but she’s twelve. How did she get to be twelve? She’s supposed to be my little girl. Not prancing around in a skirt that is far too short, making eyes at my fellow officers.”
“Leo, stop worrying, come here... think about us instead...”
“Get your hands out of my pants, mister. I don’t know what makes you think you are getting any at any time in the near future. I agreed to let Jim be best man - and therefore give a damned speech - because you promised you’d keep him under control!”
“Yeah, and? The speech was very funny. People loved it.”
“He told them about that shoreleave on Risa with you and me and the seventeen Cardassian sunrises and that creature with all the tentacles! The only way he could have known about that was if you told him.”
“So? It was amusing. And he told equally scurrilous tales about me.”
“I’m not having my husband and my best friend gossiping behind my back. You are on the couch until you grow up a bit, like when you hit a hundred or so.”
“Come off it, baby. I’ve got us the most amazing honeymoon suite on a little island near the Seychelles, the whole island to ourselves, no people, no press. You don’t want to be all on your own in that gigantic honeymoon bed.”
“No one else? You promise?”
“Just you and me, honey. We can spend the entire two weeks buck naked if you want.”
“Couldn’t we have just eloped, skipped this all for the honeymoon?”
“Given that Jim would probably have joined forces with my mother to hunt us down, trust me, this is the easy option. Now stop grumbling and kiss me.”
“Hmmm......”
“Oh yeah, so good.....”
“You know you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, darlin’, even if I do get a bit contrary at times?”
“I know baby, I love you too.... now just lean against that pillar for a moment.”
“Chris! No! Stop it! You are not blowing me in the middle of my own god-damned wedding reception. Not with 800 fucking bigwigs just round the corner.”
“Just keep quiet baby, and they’ll never notice. You could lose a squadron behind this floral monstrosity. Now shhh....”
“We’ve been married for five damned minutes and already you don’t listen to a word I say. I.... Chris.... oh fuck....”
- THE END -
Title: Floral Monstrosities
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek AOS, Pike/McCoy
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Genre: humour
Word Count: Around 900
Summary: McCoy's a little tense about the crowds at their wedding reception.
“Leo, why are you hiding behind this floral monstrosity?”
“More to the damned point, why are there floral edifices the size of small apartment blocks apparently entirely composed of gardenias at my reception?”
“Oh well, that’s probably my mother’s doing. When Honoria Pike gets an idea in her head it’s best to just let her run with it. But that doesn’t explain why you are hiding behind one.”
“Have you seen what’s out there? It’s worse than a battalion of Klingons. At least you know where you stand with Klingons. There are hundreds of people, people I don’t know, people with ranks and titles and power to take down worlds and what are they all doing at my wedding?”
“Leo, we made a deal, remember? In return for you having a small intimate wedding with just our friends and family and no media coverage, we agreed that I could invite a few family friends to the reception.”
“A few? There are hoards of them, thousands, they’re swarming like locusts!”
“You’re exaggerating. I whittled down the list my parents wanted to invite. There are 800 at the most.”
“Eight fucking hundred?”
“What can I say? We’re a political family.”
“Does that include everybody’s damned security? Why is there someone who seems to have a phalanx of bodyguards over there?”
“Oh her, come on Leo, even you must recognize her? Madame Karunga, president of the Federation.”
“Just an old family friend, is she?”
“Sure, she came to my christening and I apparently threw up all over her. It’s part of the family legend.”
“How in seven hells did I get myself into this mess? All I ever wanted to be was a simple country doctor, living a quiet life back in Georgia.”
“That is such crap. Dr CMO of the flagship of the Federation, with neurological research renowned across the quadrant, awarded both the Starfleet Legion of Honor and the Surgeons Decoration. You are hardly unknown yourself. And I don’t believe that’s what you ever wanted. I’ve never seen a social climber on the scale of your ex-wife. She clearly thought she was onto something when she married you. Right now she seems to be trying to get up close and personal with Admiral Barnett.”
“I think Barnett’s wife will have something to say about that. But yes, the look on her face when she realized that she might have married up to the administrator at Emory but I was about to marry up to an Admiral and galactic-wide hero. That was brilliant!”
“See, it’s all good fun. And speaking of that, it looks as if Joanna is enjoying herself.”
“What? Where? With who? I’ll kill him.”
“Leo, no you won’t. She’s with Lieutenant Chekov. She’s just fine.”
“She’s twelve! He’s twenty-two. Stop holding me, dammit. I need to commit murder.”
“He’s far too frightened of both of us - but particularly of you - to do anything. And he doesn’t even swing that way, he’s all eyes for Hikaru. You know that.”
“Yes, but she’s twelve. How did she get to be twelve? She’s supposed to be my little girl. Not prancing around in a skirt that is far too short, making eyes at my fellow officers.”
“Leo, stop worrying, come here... think about us instead...”
“Get your hands out of my pants, mister. I don’t know what makes you think you are getting any at any time in the near future. I agreed to let Jim be best man - and therefore give a damned speech - because you promised you’d keep him under control!”
“Yeah, and? The speech was very funny. People loved it.”
“He told them about that shoreleave on Risa with you and me and the seventeen Cardassian sunrises and that creature with all the tentacles! The only way he could have known about that was if you told him.”
“So? It was amusing. And he told equally scurrilous tales about me.”
“I’m not having my husband and my best friend gossiping behind my back. You are on the couch until you grow up a bit, like when you hit a hundred or so.”
“Come off it, baby. I’ve got us the most amazing honeymoon suite on a little island near the Seychelles, the whole island to ourselves, no people, no press. You don’t want to be all on your own in that gigantic honeymoon bed.”
“No one else? You promise?”
“Just you and me, honey. We can spend the entire two weeks buck naked if you want.”
“Couldn’t we have just eloped, skipped this all for the honeymoon?”
“Given that Jim would probably have joined forces with my mother to hunt us down, trust me, this is the easy option. Now stop grumbling and kiss me.”
“Hmmm......”
“Oh yeah, so good.....”
“You know you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, darlin’, even if I do get a bit contrary at times?”
“I know baby, I love you too.... now just lean against that pillar for a moment.”
“Chris! No! Stop it! You are not blowing me in the middle of my own god-damned wedding reception. Not with 800 fucking bigwigs just round the corner.”
“Just keep quiet baby, and they’ll never notice. You could lose a squadron behind this floral monstrosity. Now shhh....”
“We’ve been married for five damned minutes and already you don’t listen to a word I say. I.... Chris.... oh fuck....”
- THE END -