Tutor Stories!
So I would like to share the "funny" moments I have shared with my lovely 63 year old, old school Communist tutor. I should have kept a daily record of the stuff she says to me since June 1st, but alas after today's chain of events I think I will start that.
6/1 - 6/12
-Asked my mom about me to find out how she should approach teaching me Chinese. Following information was asked: delivery process (c-section/natural, complication), childhood trauma, if I dream (apparently if you dream it means you don't sleep well, and she said she never dreams), period cycles, sleeping habits, time spent watching tv, if I have any friends in China, my grades in school and university, how I adjusted the switch from HK to California.... and a whole bunch of other irrelevant info.
-Why I use an alarm clock and why not just let my natural body wake up when it is fully rested. Told her that I could sleep for 12 hours, she said it is not possible and I should see a doctor about my "condition".
-Cannot believe the fact that I can't ride a bicycle. Then proceeds to keep saying, "Are you sure you can't ride it? Have you ever tried learning? How do you get around in America? Don't you realize biking is faster than walking??"
-When she saw I had bug bites, she asked why I didn't kill all the mosquitoes before I go to bed. That way I won't wake up in the middle of the night. (NO shit, if I could find all the mosquitoes I would have killed them already).
-She never has anxiety when she takes tests. She always scored 100, until she got into Beijing University, then she started scoring 90's.
-She wanted to come with me when I met up with Jeff and Shilen to make sure we spoke Chinese.
-I shouldn't eat dumplings for breakfast. "Don't you realize what you're eating is for lunch?" No shit, I was hungry and I couldn't find any bread so I bought myself some dumplings from some shack down the road.
-"Why do you want to start class at 9? Why not at 7am?" (That's a personal favorite)
-Mom: We have a habit of tipping in America.
Tutor: I don't understand why people tip. 15% is a lot and it is not worth it.
Mom: Don't you see all the people who work in Beijing don't smile? It's because we show our
appreciation for them by tipping. That's how they make the money.
Tutor: I never tip. Beijing people only give money to doctors when they want a surgery to be
successful or if they want priority in treatment.
Mom: Why do you tip DOCTORS when that is what they should be doing ANYWAY?
Tutor: Doesn't matter, I never go to doctors. I treat myself.
-She said I should walk around the room every 45 minutes to get my blood circulating. Then she showed me some stretches, including arching back and touching the floor with straight knees. Yes, she is 63 and can do both of them.
-She believes that all of Beijing should be torn down and rebuilt. When asked about preserving history, she says to "just buy postcards."
-She cannot believe that I cook and find time to eat/drink water in college. She thinks that going to the bathroom is a waste of time and distracts from studying, thus she barely drinks any water and only eats when she has to.
-She doesn't like the fact that people are rich and "do nothing all day." (Can we say.. bitter Communist?)
-She goes through all my stuff and reads everything that is in English, then asks me what they are. I had to explain eye-makeup remover, SPF lotion, sudoku, and some tshirts to her.. all in Chinese.
-She saw that my Biotherm cream was about $20 USD, then says that it is way too expensive. She can recommend me a cream that she uses for 15RMB (roughly 2 dollars). Do not even get me started on her criticizing my facial products. If I were to ask her for ANY beauty advice, it would be what products NOT to use (if even any) so I won't end up looking like her.
I'm sure I'll think of more as time goes by..
6/13
-"Why do you always close the curtains and turn on the light? Why is your air-conditioning always on? Don't you feel that the air in your room is bad?"
-"So you're saying your parents don't go to church together. Are you religious? Why not? Have you ever been to church?"
-"I can teach you some exercises so you won't have to run. Running could strain your legs."
-"So you have a boyfriend.. do your parents know about this? Have they met? Do they like him? Does he treat you well? How do your parents think he treats you?"
-I told her Diego was the same age as me (God forbid what she could have said if she found out he was a year younger), then she says "You know, you should find someone much older. Do you want kids? Do you consider your priority to your career, career/family, or family?"
6/14
-Never again: Moisturize my hands in front of her. She tells me the way I apply lotion is wrong, and how I should be softly pulling my fingers so I am massaging instead. She wants to teach me how to massage my hands when applying lotion.
-She doesn't like the fact that I just throw the covers over my bed and why I let the maids fixes up my room. She says she never lets anyone touch her stuff or wash her clothes. It's not my fault they have maids here, plus I'm handwashing everything except my jeans 'cos they're hard to handwash and I have no iron!!
-I went on the ever exciting adventure with her today to some exhibition. Damn my not knowing Chinese... I ended up going to some Conserving Energy and Protecting the Environment Convention. SHIT!!!!! Proceeded to see her get into a verbal fight with at least 5 of the reps from the trade show because she disagreed with their products, then grabs my arm and yells "LETS LEAVE." Yes, it was quite embarrassing. I had to pretend I didn't understand a word of Chinese, or that I didn't know her.
-She wanted me to walk NINE bus stops without telling me about it. It was soo hot, and I wanted to buy something cold to drink (that's my bad, I forgot to bring my water bottle). I walk over to the fridge, grabbed a tea, and she yanks it out of my hand, PUTS IT BACK IN THE FRIDGE AND TELLS ME THAT A GIRL SHOULDN'T DRINK COLD THINGS BECAUSE SHE WILL GET SICK!!!! What happens after? She told me to drink a sample of some Nestea thing they were passing around, and said that should be enough. Then said I should buy that instant pack instead and make it myself because it was cheaper. I told her to go to Heck (in my head).. then proceeded to grab the COLD drink and paid quickstyle.
**That was a very condensed story; FMI please let me know**
-She gets into more verbal fights with some conversations she overhears because either she didn't like what the people were saying, she disagreed with them, or she was offering new opinions. Shit lady, MYOB!!!!!
Yeah, this is getting pretty long.. anyway, will update daily! :) I know I sound angry, but hey I was (at the time). After a while, (no she doesn't grow on me) I have to just look at her and laugh and be like.. wow, thank God I'm not your kid in this lifetime. She keeps me amused and on my toes all the time. I look at this as an opportunity to improve my (nonexistant) acting skills: pretending to not know somebody, or pretending not to understand a language. Go me!!
6/1 - 6/12
-Asked my mom about me to find out how she should approach teaching me Chinese. Following information was asked: delivery process (c-section/natural, complication), childhood trauma, if I dream (apparently if you dream it means you don't sleep well, and she said she never dreams), period cycles, sleeping habits, time spent watching tv, if I have any friends in China, my grades in school and university, how I adjusted the switch from HK to California.... and a whole bunch of other irrelevant info.
-Why I use an alarm clock and why not just let my natural body wake up when it is fully rested. Told her that I could sleep for 12 hours, she said it is not possible and I should see a doctor about my "condition".
-Cannot believe the fact that I can't ride a bicycle. Then proceeds to keep saying, "Are you sure you can't ride it? Have you ever tried learning? How do you get around in America? Don't you realize biking is faster than walking??"
-When she saw I had bug bites, she asked why I didn't kill all the mosquitoes before I go to bed. That way I won't wake up in the middle of the night. (NO shit, if I could find all the mosquitoes I would have killed them already).
-She never has anxiety when she takes tests. She always scored 100, until she got into Beijing University, then she started scoring 90's.
-She wanted to come with me when I met up with Jeff and Shilen to make sure we spoke Chinese.
-I shouldn't eat dumplings for breakfast. "Don't you realize what you're eating is for lunch?" No shit, I was hungry and I couldn't find any bread so I bought myself some dumplings from some shack down the road.
-"Why do you want to start class at 9? Why not at 7am?" (That's a personal favorite)
-Mom: We have a habit of tipping in America.
Tutor: I don't understand why people tip. 15% is a lot and it is not worth it.
Mom: Don't you see all the people who work in Beijing don't smile? It's because we show our
appreciation for them by tipping. That's how they make the money.
Tutor: I never tip. Beijing people only give money to doctors when they want a surgery to be
successful or if they want priority in treatment.
Mom: Why do you tip DOCTORS when that is what they should be doing ANYWAY?
Tutor: Doesn't matter, I never go to doctors. I treat myself.
-She said I should walk around the room every 45 minutes to get my blood circulating. Then she showed me some stretches, including arching back and touching the floor with straight knees. Yes, she is 63 and can do both of them.
-She believes that all of Beijing should be torn down and rebuilt. When asked about preserving history, she says to "just buy postcards."
-She cannot believe that I cook and find time to eat/drink water in college. She thinks that going to the bathroom is a waste of time and distracts from studying, thus she barely drinks any water and only eats when she has to.
-She doesn't like the fact that people are rich and "do nothing all day." (Can we say.. bitter Communist?)
-She goes through all my stuff and reads everything that is in English, then asks me what they are. I had to explain eye-makeup remover, SPF lotion, sudoku, and some tshirts to her.. all in Chinese.
-She saw that my Biotherm cream was about $20 USD, then says that it is way too expensive. She can recommend me a cream that she uses for 15RMB (roughly 2 dollars). Do not even get me started on her criticizing my facial products. If I were to ask her for ANY beauty advice, it would be what products NOT to use (if even any) so I won't end up looking like her.
I'm sure I'll think of more as time goes by..
6/13
-"Why do you always close the curtains and turn on the light? Why is your air-conditioning always on? Don't you feel that the air in your room is bad?"
-"So you're saying your parents don't go to church together. Are you religious? Why not? Have you ever been to church?"
-"I can teach you some exercises so you won't have to run. Running could strain your legs."
-"So you have a boyfriend.. do your parents know about this? Have they met? Do they like him? Does he treat you well? How do your parents think he treats you?"
-I told her Diego was the same age as me (God forbid what she could have said if she found out he was a year younger), then she says "You know, you should find someone much older. Do you want kids? Do you consider your priority to your career, career/family, or family?"
6/14
-Never again: Moisturize my hands in front of her. She tells me the way I apply lotion is wrong, and how I should be softly pulling my fingers so I am massaging instead. She wants to teach me how to massage my hands when applying lotion.
-She doesn't like the fact that I just throw the covers over my bed and why I let the maids fixes up my room. She says she never lets anyone touch her stuff or wash her clothes. It's not my fault they have maids here, plus I'm handwashing everything except my jeans 'cos they're hard to handwash and I have no iron!!
-I went on the ever exciting adventure with her today to some exhibition. Damn my not knowing Chinese... I ended up going to some Conserving Energy and Protecting the Environment Convention. SHIT!!!!! Proceeded to see her get into a verbal fight with at least 5 of the reps from the trade show because she disagreed with their products, then grabs my arm and yells "LETS LEAVE." Yes, it was quite embarrassing. I had to pretend I didn't understand a word of Chinese, or that I didn't know her.
-She wanted me to walk NINE bus stops without telling me about it. It was soo hot, and I wanted to buy something cold to drink (that's my bad, I forgot to bring my water bottle). I walk over to the fridge, grabbed a tea, and she yanks it out of my hand, PUTS IT BACK IN THE FRIDGE AND TELLS ME THAT A GIRL SHOULDN'T DRINK COLD THINGS BECAUSE SHE WILL GET SICK!!!! What happens after? She told me to drink a sample of some Nestea thing they were passing around, and said that should be enough. Then said I should buy that instant pack instead and make it myself because it was cheaper. I told her to go to Heck (in my head).. then proceeded to grab the COLD drink and paid quickstyle.
**That was a very condensed story; FMI please let me know**
-She gets into more verbal fights with some conversations she overhears because either she didn't like what the people were saying, she disagreed with them, or she was offering new opinions. Shit lady, MYOB!!!!!
Yeah, this is getting pretty long.. anyway, will update daily! :) I know I sound angry, but hey I was (at the time). After a while, (no she doesn't grow on me) I have to just look at her and laugh and be like.. wow, thank God I'm not your kid in this lifetime. She keeps me amused and on my toes all the time. I look at this as an opportunity to improve my (nonexistant) acting skills: pretending to not know somebody, or pretending not to understand a language. Go me!!