(no subject)
If you were ever under the impression that I'm pretty much sane, I suggest you don't read the fallowing.
I was happy a couple hours ago
And I know I'll be happy tomorrow
Nothing really happened
Too much time to myself, I guess
I've been laying on my stomach with my eyes closed for the past hour or so
I wasn't sleeping or anything. I wasn't even thinking.
I was just laying there because I couldn't muster up the will to do anything else.
The only reason I got up in the first place was because I had to take a piss.
Then I started thinking
I've always tried to be the kind of friend I wish I had. I don't know if I've been at all successful.
I've turned out to be a mostly hateful and paranoid person
And my best friends in this world are equally hateful and paranoid people
Out of the numerous friends I've had, almost all of whom live in other states or cities, there are very few that I can actually rely on or trust.
That's because you can't trust somebody who's as hateful and paranoid as I am.
I'm not as picky about who I call a friend as I use to be, but I think I've developed pretty darn high expectations of those I do have.
I expect an almost psychic connection - why aren't you here when I need you? Why don't you call me? Why can't I find you?
If they aren't there when I want them, I feel ignored and tossed aside.
Then I start getting needlessly paranoid - I guess they don't want me around. Do they even like me? What did they ever hang out with me for in the first place if they don't even like me?
I have to feel needed, or I'll never be able to relax. Because if they don't need me, then what would they want me for?
I think this particular paranoid obsession started sometime in middle school, when these thoughts and feelings were actually valid.
In the end, I know I'm just being weird. But it kind of takes a lot to get past these emotions and realize that much.
Still, I'm pretty sure Judith's mom is right about me. I'm going to end up just like my mom.
I'll be friendless, basically lifeless
Just living on my family's freaky wilderness compound in a straw bale house
I'll collect house plants and pets like nobody's business!
Oh, but I'll have to have a television because I can't miss an episode of my favorite sitcom
I'll only socialize with family members and together we'll write a book called, "How to fix anything with bailing twine"
P.S. Just a little self-analysis
I was happy a couple hours ago
And I know I'll be happy tomorrow
Nothing really happened
Too much time to myself, I guess
I've been laying on my stomach with my eyes closed for the past hour or so
I wasn't sleeping or anything. I wasn't even thinking.
I was just laying there because I couldn't muster up the will to do anything else.
The only reason I got up in the first place was because I had to take a piss.
Then I started thinking
I've always tried to be the kind of friend I wish I had. I don't know if I've been at all successful.
I've turned out to be a mostly hateful and paranoid person
And my best friends in this world are equally hateful and paranoid people
Out of the numerous friends I've had, almost all of whom live in other states or cities, there are very few that I can actually rely on or trust.
That's because you can't trust somebody who's as hateful and paranoid as I am.
I'm not as picky about who I call a friend as I use to be, but I think I've developed pretty darn high expectations of those I do have.
I expect an almost psychic connection - why aren't you here when I need you? Why don't you call me? Why can't I find you?
If they aren't there when I want them, I feel ignored and tossed aside.
Then I start getting needlessly paranoid - I guess they don't want me around. Do they even like me? What did they ever hang out with me for in the first place if they don't even like me?
I have to feel needed, or I'll never be able to relax. Because if they don't need me, then what would they want me for?
I think this particular paranoid obsession started sometime in middle school, when these thoughts and feelings were actually valid.
In the end, I know I'm just being weird. But it kind of takes a lot to get past these emotions and realize that much.
Still, I'm pretty sure Judith's mom is right about me. I'm going to end up just like my mom.
I'll be friendless, basically lifeless
Just living on my family's freaky wilderness compound in a straw bale house
I'll collect house plants and pets like nobody's business!
Oh, but I'll have to have a television because I can't miss an episode of my favorite sitcom
I'll only socialize with family members and together we'll write a book called, "How to fix anything with bailing twine"
P.S. Just a little self-analysis