Hush, Hush: Chapter 23 (Part 1)
ZeldaQueen: People! Hello! This chapter...this chapter is going to be bad. I mean, really bad. This is basically the pinnacle, the midpoint of all this book's fuckwittery, and by god it's terrifying. You remember how I have been omniously commenting about how things should be remembered for later and how it's going to get worse? Yeah, this is the chapter I've been alluding to all of those times. So. Because of this, I'm splitting the chapter into two parts. And should you need respite from the horrible taste that this chapter will undoubtedly leave in your mouth, I highly recommend gehayi's wonderful spitefic here
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 23 (Part 1)
ZeldaQueen: So, after touching Patch's wing scars, Nora finds herself dropped down the rabbit hole, so to speak. She finds herself standing in Bo's Arcade, and is way too calm about the fact that she suddenly seems to have been teleported into a place with a bad reputation, wearing nothing but her camisole and her underpants. And yes, Fitzpatrick goes out of her way to remind us of that. I have no idea if it was to invoke the sense of "this is a dream" or to provide fanservice to the very few guys reading this book, but either way it makes me face palm.
Nora continues to be ridiculously accepting of this, and pinches her arm. She must feel pain, because she concludes "Perfectly alive, as far as I could tell". Erm, I was under the impression that one pinched one's arm to see if one was dreaming, not dead. Although, given what's going to happen in part 2, that might actually be foreshadowing...
And then, she looks up and who should be there but Patch! Jesus, he even stalks her in her hallucinations! No, for serious, he can't see her either. I personally would be rejoicing if Patch couldn't see me, but Nora marches right over and hisses in his ear that they need to talk. No, she doesn't scream at him or demand answers right there. She basically acts like Harry does the first time he went through the Penseive. The difference, of course, is that Harry had been in a world were entering memories is totally a possibility and he knew it. Nora is still in denial about the weird stuff going in her life, hence why her overly calm demeanor isn't working.
Anywho, she catches a glimpse of a conveniently-placed calander, which reveals to her that it's August of the previous year, well before she and Patch first met. Or so she thinks, as we'll find out.
This is all interrupted when the cashier at the door shows up and says that there's someone demanding to speak to Patch. And here, dear friends, we are having a spork. The entire thing just cannot be properly summarized. So...
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{C}{C}
{C}Patch raised his eyebrows, transmitting a silent question.
ZeldaQueen: Yes, thank you for that hand-holding, Ms Fitzpatrick. Because a person raising their eyebrows after being told that an unnamed person wants to talk to them wouldn't clue readers in to the fact that said person wants more info
"She wouldn't give her name," the cashier said apologetically. "I asked a couple of times. I told her you were in a private game, but she wouldn't leave. I can throw her out if you want."
ZeldaQueen: If he can throw this girl out and he knows that Patch wouldn't want to talk to someone, why wouldn't he have done so already? Inversely, if she is able to stand her ground (which is the implication I got), why would he think he could?
"No. Send her down."
Patch played out his hand, gathered his chips, and pushed out of his chair. "I'm out."
ZeldaQueen: Out of your mind, yes
He walked to the pool table closest to the stairs, rested against it, and slid his hands inside his pockets.
ZeldaQueen: Don't you just love blatant padding?
I followed him across the room. I snapped my fingers in front of his face. I kicked his boots. I flat-out smacked his chest. He didn't flinch, didn't move.
ZeldaQueen: Two things.
First of all, Nora has just been sucked into a memory (yes, that's what it is) and only now is thinking to test if Patch could feel her? Or is Fitzpatrick just throwing in a reminder that yes, Nora does exist. (This is yet another scene where Nora might as well not even exist).
Second, this is the most assertive Nora ever is against Patch, at least physically. And given what's going to happen in the second part of this chapter...that's not a good thing
Light footsteps sounded on the stairs, growing closer, and when Miss Greene stepped out of the darkened stairwell, I experienced a moment of confusion.
ZeldaQueen: OH LOOK AT THAT. THE ONLY CHARACTER WHO WE'VE HAD POUNDED INTO OUR HEADS IS OVERLY SUSPICIOUS IS, IN FACT, SUSPICIOUS. WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT? *BANGS HEAD AGAINST WALL*
*cross eyed* Also, Nora has a moment of confusion? After seeing her therapist walk into a seedy bar to have a chat with the guy she likes? Either Nora is more worldly than has been let on, or she's an idiot. I'm siding with the latter, here
Her blond hair was down to her waist and toothpick straight. She was wearing painted-on jeans and a pink tank top, and she was barefoot. Dressed this way, she looked even closer to my age. She was sucking on a lollipop.
ZeldaQueen: ... My theory that Fitzpatrick is drawing inspiration from porn just keeps getting more and more evidence backing it up, doesn't it? I mean, what the flip? No shoes (which is not allowed in most places)? Tight pants? Tank top? A transparently clear attempt to bring to mind fellatio lollipop? Was Fitzpatrick trying to go for the "sexy little girl" look there? Or was this some attempt to make Miss Greene look silly and immature while having Nora be all makeup-less and adult-like?
Patch's face is always a mask, and at any given moment I have no idea what he's thinking. But as soon as he locked eyes on Miss Greene, I knew he was surprised.
ZeldaQueen: So...she admits that she has no idea what he's thinking, but then says that she knows for sure he's surprised? What?
He recovered quickly, all emotion funneling away as his eyes turned guarded and wary. "Dabria?"
ZeldaQueen: Apparently "Dabria" is the Latin American word for "Angel". Besides being ridiculously symbolik, that's also very stupid. It would be like if someone was named "Feminae"
My heart hit a faster cadence. I tried to wrestle my thoughts together, but all I could think was, if I was really eight months in the past, how did Miss Greene and Patch know each other? She didn't have a job at school yet. And why was he calling her by her first name?
ZeldaQueen: Gee I wonder! Couldn't have anything to do with THAT EX-GIRLFRIEND HE MENTIONED BEFORE, could it?
"How have you been?" Miss Greene-Dabria-asked with a coy smile, tossing the lollipop in the trash.
ZeldaQueen: This was inspired by porn. It has to have been
"What are you doing here?" Patch's eyes turned even more watchful, as if he didn't think "what you see is what you get" applied to Dabria.
ZeldaQueen: *fumes* Fitzpatrick, you could very well have ended with the bit about his eyes being watchful. It made it quite clear that he didn't trust Dabria. Adding a play on a saying doesn't make your writing any cooler, nor does it fit with the scene. It just drags down the flow of the narrative and pisses me off
"I sneaked out." Her smile twisted up on one side.
ZeldaQueen: Shoudn't that be "snuck"? And what's up with her having a Grinch-grin?
"I had to see you again. I've been trying for a long time, but security-well, you know. It's not exactly lax. Your kind and my kind-we aren't supposed to mix. But you know that."
"Coming here was a bad idea."
ZeldaQueen: Nonsense, this is a porno. It's perfectly fine to come here!
I'm dreadfully, dreadfully sorry
{C}
{C}"I know it's been a while, but I was hoping for a slightly more friendly reaction," she said, pushing her lips out in a pout.
ZeldaQueen: Yeah, either Fitzpatrick thinks that exaggerated child-like behavior is sexy, or she's trying to make the ex look stupid. Possibly it's both
Patch didn't answer.
"I haven't stopped thinking about you." Dabria dimmed her voice to a low, sexy pitch and took a step closer to Patch. "It wasn't easy getting down here. Lucianna is making excuses for why I'm absent. I'm risking her future as well as my own. Don't you want to at least hear what I have to say?"
ZeldaQueen: Honey, Patch is the most selfish asshole I've ever read about. If you think he gives a shit about what you have to say, you clearly don't know him very well
"Talk." Patch's words didn't hold a shred of trust.
ZeldaQueen: FITZPATRICK. SHOW, DON'T TELL!
"I haven't given up on you. This whole time-"
ZeldaQueen: Jimminy Christmas, what is up with everyone in this book being so creepily obsessive over each other? Vee is obsessing over Jules, Elliot is obsessing over Nora, Patch is obsessing over Nora as well, Nora is dividing her time between obsessing over Elliot and Patch, and now we find out that Dabria here is obsessing over Patch. Christ on a cracker!
She broke off and blinked back a sudden display of tears. When she spoke again, her voice was more composed but still held a wavering note. "I know how you can get your wings back." She smiled at Patch, but he didn't return the smile.
ZeldaQueen: So by now, I think it's been well hammered home that Patch doesn't like this chick, doesn't trust her, and generally holds no affection for her. Let's just keep that in mind for a second, hmm?
"As soon as you get your wings back, you can come home," she said, speaking more confidently. "Everything will be like it was before. Nothing has changed. Not really."
ZeldaQueen: Good God, why would you want him back??? Why would anyone desire to be in this asshole's presence for any purpose other than to shoot him?
"What's the catch?"
ZeldaQueen: Show George Bailey what life would be like if he was never born
"There is no catch. You have to save a human life. Very judicious, considering the crime that banished you here in the first place."
ZeldaQueen: Okay, so according to this insane universe, all a fallen angel does to get back his or her wings is save a human life. And there's no mention of specifics, so I can only assume we take this at face value. Keep that in mind for the next chapter
"What rank will I be?"
All confidence scattered from Dabria's eyes, and I got the feeling he'd asked the one question she'd hoped to avoid. "I just told you how to getyour wings back," she said, sounding a touch condescending. "I think I deserve a thank-you-"
"Answer the question." But his grim smile told me he already knew. Or had a very good guess. Whatever Dabria's answer was, he wasn't going to like it.
"Fine. You'll be a guardian, all right?"
Patch tipped his head back and laughed softly.
ZeldaQueen: You know, that right there is pretty revealing about Patch's nature. I think most people get the idea of what a guardian angel does. It's the sort that most people think about when they picture an angel, the sort that looks out for people and protects them. That being said, I'd like to point out two things.
First of all, Dabria is encouraging Patch to essentially take a job where human lives depend on him. This is the same Patch who has flat-out ignored most people, and been a condescending, abusive asshole to the ones he does acknowledge (and Nora, the one he supposedly cares the most about, is the one he's the worst to).
Second of all, Patch is being offered a job where he can help protect and care for innocent people and he laughs at it. I guess he's too busy playing pool and terrorizing his girlfriend to give it much thought
"What's wrong with being a guardian?" Dabria demanded. "Why isn't it good enough?"
ZeldaQueen: Do you really need to ask that, Dabria? I just pointed out how Patch cares about absolutely no one besides himself. What makes you think he'd want a job that basically requires him to be selfless and look out for others
"I have something better in the works."
ZeldaQueen: Fun little bit of trivia, which Ms Fitzpatrick here probably didn't consider. Angels here go by the Book of Enoch, no? According to the Second Book of Enoch (and the Life of Adam and Eve), Satan-Sataniel was an angel who ended up being pitched out of heaven, because he decided he wanted something better as well and built a throne above God's. We're going to find out that Patch's plan is not to challenge God, but I still find it hilarious that Fitzpatrick went and wrote someone basically analogous to Satan and expects us to like him
"Listen to me, Patch. There's nothing better. You're kidding yourself. Any other fallen angel would jump at the chance to get their wings back and become a guardian. Why can't you?" Her voice was choked with bewilderment, irritation, rejection.
ZeldaQueen: Hand-holding, bad writing, excessive adjectives...
Patch pushed up from the pool table. "It was good seeing you again, Dabria. Have a nice trip back."
Without warning, she curled her fists into his shirt, yanked him close, and crushed a kiss to his mouth. Very slowly Patch's body turned toward her, his stance softening. His hands came up and skimmed her arms. I swallowed hard, trying to ignore the stab of jealousy and confusion in my heart. Part of me wanted to turn away and cry, part of me wanted to march over and start shouting. Not that it would do any good. I was invisible. Obviously Miss Greene ... Dabria ... whoever she was ... and Patch had a romantic past together. Were they still together now-in the future? Had she applied for a job at Coldwater High to be closer to Patch? Is that why she was so determined to scare me away from him?
ZeldaQueen: *snarls* Three things here, ladies and gents.
First of all, you all still remember up above, how it was more than clear that Patch doesn't care about Dabria? He's done nothing but belittle her, be distrustful of her, laugh at her, and make it clear he doesn't think highly of her. And Fitzpatrick still expects to play the "BAAAAWWW, he might not love me" card. Right. I guess Nora's confusion is kind of justified, though. After all, that's generally how Patch treats her.
Second of all, Nora has just found out that angels exist, that Patch is absolutely a fallen angel, and that he can be a guardian angel again. What does she choose to focus on? That he's kissing his ex-girlfriend. Right, I have nothing.
Third point, that bit up there, about Dabria's motives? Yes, I know the implications of that. No, I'm letting it lie for now. I'm saving that particular rant for an upcoming chapter
{C}{C}
{C}"I should go," said Dabria, pulling free. "I've already stayed too long. I promised Lucianna I'd hurry." She lowered her head against his chest. "I miss you," she whispered. "Save one human life, and you'll have your wings again. Come back to me," she begged. "Come home." She broke away suddenly. "I have to go. None of the others can find out I've been down here. I love you."
ZeldaQueen: Please, just get on with it. I'm cross enough as it is. I don't want this dragged out
As Dabria turned away, the anxiety vanished from her face. An expression of sly confidence replaced it. It was the face of someone who'd bluffed their way through a rough hand of cards.
ZeldaQueen: Because Dabria is his ex-girlfriend and, as shaolina noted, exes in these books are always EVIL. And because of that, we must have it it hammered into our heads that she is EVIL and thus IS A COLD, CALCULATING, RUTHLESS BITCH, BECAUSE GOD FORBID ANY RIVALS FOR PATCH'S AFFECTION BE LEGITIMATLY NICE PEOPLE, OH NO THAT WOULD MAKE THIS HARD!
{C}{C}
{C}I'm in such a bad mood
Without warning, Patch caught her by the wrist. "Now tell me why you're really here," he said. I shivered at the dark undercurrent in Patch's tone. To an outsider, he looked perfectly calm. But to anyone who'd known him any length of time, it
was obvious. He was giving Dabria a look that said she'd crossed a line and it was in her best interest to hop back across it-now.
ZeldaQueen: Fitzpatrick, that doesn't make Patch look badass. It makes him look like a jerk. Not to mention it continues to strength the abusive boyfriend theme we have going, seeing as Patch is also fine with scaring Nora into telling him things
Patch steered her toward the bar. He planted her on a bar stool and slid onto the one beside it. I took the one next to Patch, leaning in to hear him above the music.
"What do you mean, what am I here for?" Dabria stammered. "I told you-"
"You're lying."
Her mouth dropped. "I can't believe-you think-"
"Tell me the truth, right now," said Patch.
ZeldaQueen: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
Dabria hesitated before answering. She gave him a fierce glare, then said, "Fine. I know what you're planning to do."
Patch laughed. It was a laugh that said, I have a lot of plans. Which one are you referring to?
ZeldaQueen: *buries head in hands* I absolutely give up
"I know you've heard rumors about The Book of Enoch. I also know you think you can do the same thing, but you can't."
Patch folded his arms on the bar. "They sent you here to persuade me to choose a different course, didn't they?" A smile showed in his eyes. "If I'm a threat, the rumors must be true."
"No, they're not. They're rumors."
"If it happened once, it can happen again."
ZeldaQueen: *sings* We did it before and we can do it again!
Seriously, just get on with it, already!
{C}
{C}"It never happened. Did you even bother to read The Book of Enoch before you fell?" she challenged. "Do you know exactly what it says, word for holy word?"
"Maybe you could loan me your copy."
"That's blasphemous! You're forbidden to read it," she cried. "You betrayed every angel in heaven when you fell."
ZeldaQueen: I'm sorry, what? Her first line suggests that Patch didn't read the Book of Enoch and was neglectful for it, but then she says it's forbidden. Are they allowed to read the Book, or aren't they?
"How many of them know what I'm after?" he asked. "How big of a threat am I?"
She tossed her head side to side. "I can't tell you that. I've already told you more than I should have."
"Are they going to try to stop me?"
"The avenging angels will."
ZeldaQueen: Spoilers, folks - the avenging angels do fuck-all to help out. They never smite, they don't even give Patch a warning. Between that and the lax standards for becoming a guardian angel, methinks Heaven is in need of new management
He looked at her with meaning. "Unless they think you talked me out of it."
"Don't look at me like that." She sounded like she was putting all her courage into sounding firm. "I won't lie to protect you. What you're trying to do is wrong. It's not natural."
ZeldaQueen: You know, for all Fitzpatrick tries to make Dabria come across as overly manipulative and horrid, I still think she's a better person than Nora. Nora actively lied to the authorities to hide Patch. Dabria here is saying that she wants Patch to do the right thing, but she's perfectly willing to turn him over if he insists on breaking the law. Why is that the less admirable course of action, again?
"Dabria." Patch spoke her name as a soft threat. He might as well have had her by the arm, twisting it behind her back.
ZeldaQueen: Our Hero, ladies and gentlemen. Threatening his ex when she says she won't protect him
"I can't help you," she said with quiet conviction. "Not that way. Put it out of your mind. Become a guardian angel. Focus on that and forget The Book of Enoch."
Patch planted his elbows on the bar, radiating thought. After a moment he said, "Tell them we talked, and I showed interest in becoming a guardian."
"Interest?" she said, a bit incredulously.
ZeldaQueen: I have to agree. After how this entire conversation went, does he think anyone would buy him being interested in being a guardian angel?
"Interest," he repeated. "Tell them I asked for a name. If I'm going to save a life, I need to know who's at the top of your departing list. I know you're privy to that information as an angel of death."
ZeldaQueen: First of all, why would he need a name? If he just needs to save someone from dying, how hard is it to find someone for that purpose? Just hang around on a street corner in New York City and stop someone from being hit by a truck. It's not hard.
Second of all, we're supposed to believe that Miss Tank Top and Lollipop here is the Angel of Death? Yeah, God really needs to do some investigating on his employees. (As a note, no God is never brought up in this book, which is rather odd when you think about it)
"That information is sacred and private, and not predictable. The events in this world shift from moment to moment depending on human choices-"
"One name, Dabria."
ZeldaQueen: Oh my God, SHUT UP AND FIND SOMEONE YOURSELF, YOU ENTITLED ASS!
"Promise me you'll forget about The Book of Enoch first. Give me your word."
"You'd trust my word?"
"No," she said, "I wouldn't."
ZeldaQueen: Which makes her infinitly more intelligent than Nora in that regard
Patch laughed coolly and, grabbing a toothpick from the dispenser, walked toward the stairs.
"Patch, wait-," she began. She hopped off the bar stool. "Patch, please wait!"
He looked over his shoulder.
"Nora Grey," she said, then immediately clamped her hands over her mouth.
ZeldaQueen: Um, did he force her to somehow say that name? Zuh? Hello?
There was a faint crack in Patch's expression-a frown of disbelief mixed with annoyance. Which made no sense since, if the calendar on the wall was correct, we hadn't met yet. My name shouldn't have sparked familiarity. "How is she going to die?" he asked.
ZeldaQueen: Considering that he said he went to school to be with her and clearly has been stalking her, you'd think that would raise some alarms there
"Someone wants to kill her."
ZeldaQueen: *rolls eyes* Of course. This Twilight rip-off would not be complete, otherwise
"Who?"
"I don't know," she said, covering her ears and shaking her head. "There's so much noise and commotion down here. All the images blur together, they come too fast, I can't see clearly. I need to go home. I need peace and calm."
ZeldaQueen: Okay, that right there is a legitimately interesting bit of information about angels, as well as a potential explanation as to why fallen angels like Patch are so ax-crazy. Being on Earth is just so much noisier and just wrong for them that they can't deal. It also would be a good explanation as to why Patch is so desperate to move on in is Master Plan (more on that later). But no, this is the only time it's brought up
Patch tucked a strand of Dabria's hair behind her ear and looked at her persuasively.
ZeldaQueen: And of course Nora doesn't get all insanely jealous when Patch is flirting with her to get what he wants. Never mind that he's basically pushing for his way with a girl who clearly is distressed and unable to think clearly, for information he's not privy to. Double standards, what're those?
She gave a warm shudder at his touch, then nodded and shut her eyes. "I can't see ... I don't see anything ... it's useless."
"Who wants to kill Nora Grey?" Patch urged.
ZeldaQueen: You mean besides most of the people in the audience?
"Wait, I see her," said Dabria. Her voice turned anxious. "There's a shadow behind her. It's him. He's following her. She doesn't see him ... but he's right there. Why doesn't she see him? Why isn't she running? I can't see his face, it's in shadow...."
Dabria's eyes flew open. She sucked in a quick, sharp breath.
"Who?" Patch said.
Dabria curled her hands against her mouth. She was trembling as she raised her eyes to Patch's.
"You," she whispered.
ZeldaQueen: DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNN
And yes, we leave off with that stunning revelation that Patch is the one who will kill Nora (which makes the bit about her not running even stupider, because apparently she's just fine letting her Hawt Boyfriend FREAKING KILL HER). Given how he's been treating her, I honestly don't know how Fitzpatrick saw this as a surprise. Well, that's all for now at least, folks. See you for part two. And dear LORD, it's bad!
Onward to: Chapter 23 (Part 2)
Back to: Chapter 22
Return to to: Table of Contents
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 23 (Part 1)
ZeldaQueen: So, after touching Patch's wing scars, Nora finds herself dropped down the rabbit hole, so to speak. She finds herself standing in Bo's Arcade, and is way too calm about the fact that she suddenly seems to have been teleported into a place with a bad reputation, wearing nothing but her camisole and her underpants. And yes, Fitzpatrick goes out of her way to remind us of that. I have no idea if it was to invoke the sense of "this is a dream" or to provide fanservice to the very few guys reading this book, but either way it makes me face palm.
Nora continues to be ridiculously accepting of this, and pinches her arm. She must feel pain, because she concludes "Perfectly alive, as far as I could tell". Erm, I was under the impression that one pinched one's arm to see if one was dreaming, not dead. Although, given what's going to happen in part 2, that might actually be foreshadowing...
And then, she looks up and who should be there but Patch! Jesus, he even stalks her in her hallucinations! No, for serious, he can't see her either. I personally would be rejoicing if Patch couldn't see me, but Nora marches right over and hisses in his ear that they need to talk. No, she doesn't scream at him or demand answers right there. She basically acts like Harry does the first time he went through the Penseive. The difference, of course, is that Harry had been in a world were entering memories is totally a possibility and he knew it. Nora is still in denial about the weird stuff going in her life, hence why her overly calm demeanor isn't working.
Anywho, she catches a glimpse of a conveniently-placed calander, which reveals to her that it's August of the previous year, well before she and Patch first met. Or so she thinks, as we'll find out.
This is all interrupted when the cashier at the door shows up and says that there's someone demanding to speak to Patch. And here, dear friends, we are having a spork. The entire thing just cannot be properly summarized. So...
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{C}{C}
{C}Patch raised his eyebrows, transmitting a silent question.
ZeldaQueen: Yes, thank you for that hand-holding, Ms Fitzpatrick. Because a person raising their eyebrows after being told that an unnamed person wants to talk to them wouldn't clue readers in to the fact that said person wants more info
"She wouldn't give her name," the cashier said apologetically. "I asked a couple of times. I told her you were in a private game, but she wouldn't leave. I can throw her out if you want."
ZeldaQueen: If he can throw this girl out and he knows that Patch wouldn't want to talk to someone, why wouldn't he have done so already? Inversely, if she is able to stand her ground (which is the implication I got), why would he think he could?
"No. Send her down."
Patch played out his hand, gathered his chips, and pushed out of his chair. "I'm out."
ZeldaQueen: Out of your mind, yes
He walked to the pool table closest to the stairs, rested against it, and slid his hands inside his pockets.
ZeldaQueen: Don't you just love blatant padding?
I followed him across the room. I snapped my fingers in front of his face. I kicked his boots. I flat-out smacked his chest. He didn't flinch, didn't move.
ZeldaQueen: Two things.
First of all, Nora has just been sucked into a memory (yes, that's what it is) and only now is thinking to test if Patch could feel her? Or is Fitzpatrick just throwing in a reminder that yes, Nora does exist. (This is yet another scene where Nora might as well not even exist).
Second, this is the most assertive Nora ever is against Patch, at least physically. And given what's going to happen in the second part of this chapter...that's not a good thing
Light footsteps sounded on the stairs, growing closer, and when Miss Greene stepped out of the darkened stairwell, I experienced a moment of confusion.
ZeldaQueen: OH LOOK AT THAT. THE ONLY CHARACTER WHO WE'VE HAD POUNDED INTO OUR HEADS IS OVERLY SUSPICIOUS IS, IN FACT, SUSPICIOUS. WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT? *BANGS HEAD AGAINST WALL*
*cross eyed* Also, Nora has a moment of confusion? After seeing her therapist walk into a seedy bar to have a chat with the guy she likes? Either Nora is more worldly than has been let on, or she's an idiot. I'm siding with the latter, here
Her blond hair was down to her waist and toothpick straight. She was wearing painted-on jeans and a pink tank top, and she was barefoot. Dressed this way, she looked even closer to my age. She was sucking on a lollipop.
ZeldaQueen: ... My theory that Fitzpatrick is drawing inspiration from porn just keeps getting more and more evidence backing it up, doesn't it? I mean, what the flip? No shoes (which is not allowed in most places)? Tight pants? Tank top? A transparently clear attempt to bring to mind fellatio lollipop? Was Fitzpatrick trying to go for the "sexy little girl" look there? Or was this some attempt to make Miss Greene look silly and immature while having Nora be all makeup-less and adult-like?
Patch's face is always a mask, and at any given moment I have no idea what he's thinking. But as soon as he locked eyes on Miss Greene, I knew he was surprised.
ZeldaQueen: So...she admits that she has no idea what he's thinking, but then says that she knows for sure he's surprised? What?
He recovered quickly, all emotion funneling away as his eyes turned guarded and wary. "Dabria?"
ZeldaQueen: Apparently "Dabria" is the Latin American word for "Angel". Besides being ridiculously symbolik, that's also very stupid. It would be like if someone was named "Feminae"
My heart hit a faster cadence. I tried to wrestle my thoughts together, but all I could think was, if I was really eight months in the past, how did Miss Greene and Patch know each other? She didn't have a job at school yet. And why was he calling her by her first name?
ZeldaQueen: Gee I wonder! Couldn't have anything to do with THAT EX-GIRLFRIEND HE MENTIONED BEFORE, could it?
"How have you been?" Miss Greene-Dabria-asked with a coy smile, tossing the lollipop in the trash.
ZeldaQueen: This was inspired by porn. It has to have been
"What are you doing here?" Patch's eyes turned even more watchful, as if he didn't think "what you see is what you get" applied to Dabria.
ZeldaQueen: *fumes* Fitzpatrick, you could very well have ended with the bit about his eyes being watchful. It made it quite clear that he didn't trust Dabria. Adding a play on a saying doesn't make your writing any cooler, nor does it fit with the scene. It just drags down the flow of the narrative and pisses me off
"I sneaked out." Her smile twisted up on one side.
ZeldaQueen: Shoudn't that be "snuck"? And what's up with her having a Grinch-grin?
"I had to see you again. I've been trying for a long time, but security-well, you know. It's not exactly lax. Your kind and my kind-we aren't supposed to mix. But you know that."
"Coming here was a bad idea."
ZeldaQueen: Nonsense, this is a porno. It's perfectly fine to come here!
I'm dreadfully, dreadfully sorry
{C}
{C}"I know it's been a while, but I was hoping for a slightly more friendly reaction," she said, pushing her lips out in a pout.
ZeldaQueen: Yeah, either Fitzpatrick thinks that exaggerated child-like behavior is sexy, or she's trying to make the ex look stupid. Possibly it's both
Patch didn't answer.
"I haven't stopped thinking about you." Dabria dimmed her voice to a low, sexy pitch and took a step closer to Patch. "It wasn't easy getting down here. Lucianna is making excuses for why I'm absent. I'm risking her future as well as my own. Don't you want to at least hear what I have to say?"
ZeldaQueen: Honey, Patch is the most selfish asshole I've ever read about. If you think he gives a shit about what you have to say, you clearly don't know him very well
"Talk." Patch's words didn't hold a shred of trust.
ZeldaQueen: FITZPATRICK. SHOW, DON'T TELL!
"I haven't given up on you. This whole time-"
ZeldaQueen: Jimminy Christmas, what is up with everyone in this book being so creepily obsessive over each other? Vee is obsessing over Jules, Elliot is obsessing over Nora, Patch is obsessing over Nora as well, Nora is dividing her time between obsessing over Elliot and Patch, and now we find out that Dabria here is obsessing over Patch. Christ on a cracker!
She broke off and blinked back a sudden display of tears. When she spoke again, her voice was more composed but still held a wavering note. "I know how you can get your wings back." She smiled at Patch, but he didn't return the smile.
ZeldaQueen: So by now, I think it's been well hammered home that Patch doesn't like this chick, doesn't trust her, and generally holds no affection for her. Let's just keep that in mind for a second, hmm?
"As soon as you get your wings back, you can come home," she said, speaking more confidently. "Everything will be like it was before. Nothing has changed. Not really."
ZeldaQueen: Good God, why would you want him back??? Why would anyone desire to be in this asshole's presence for any purpose other than to shoot him?
"What's the catch?"
ZeldaQueen: Show George Bailey what life would be like if he was never born
"There is no catch. You have to save a human life. Very judicious, considering the crime that banished you here in the first place."
ZeldaQueen: Okay, so according to this insane universe, all a fallen angel does to get back his or her wings is save a human life. And there's no mention of specifics, so I can only assume we take this at face value. Keep that in mind for the next chapter
"What rank will I be?"
All confidence scattered from Dabria's eyes, and I got the feeling he'd asked the one question she'd hoped to avoid. "I just told you how to getyour wings back," she said, sounding a touch condescending. "I think I deserve a thank-you-"
"Answer the question." But his grim smile told me he already knew. Or had a very good guess. Whatever Dabria's answer was, he wasn't going to like it.
"Fine. You'll be a guardian, all right?"
Patch tipped his head back and laughed softly.
ZeldaQueen: You know, that right there is pretty revealing about Patch's nature. I think most people get the idea of what a guardian angel does. It's the sort that most people think about when they picture an angel, the sort that looks out for people and protects them. That being said, I'd like to point out two things.
First of all, Dabria is encouraging Patch to essentially take a job where human lives depend on him. This is the same Patch who has flat-out ignored most people, and been a condescending, abusive asshole to the ones he does acknowledge (and Nora, the one he supposedly cares the most about, is the one he's the worst to).
Second of all, Patch is being offered a job where he can help protect and care for innocent people and he laughs at it. I guess he's too busy playing pool and terrorizing his girlfriend to give it much thought
"What's wrong with being a guardian?" Dabria demanded. "Why isn't it good enough?"
ZeldaQueen: Do you really need to ask that, Dabria? I just pointed out how Patch cares about absolutely no one besides himself. What makes you think he'd want a job that basically requires him to be selfless and look out for others
"I have something better in the works."
ZeldaQueen: Fun little bit of trivia, which Ms Fitzpatrick here probably didn't consider. Angels here go by the Book of Enoch, no? According to the Second Book of Enoch (and the Life of Adam and Eve), Satan-Sataniel was an angel who ended up being pitched out of heaven, because he decided he wanted something better as well and built a throne above God's. We're going to find out that Patch's plan is not to challenge God, but I still find it hilarious that Fitzpatrick went and wrote someone basically analogous to Satan and expects us to like him
"Listen to me, Patch. There's nothing better. You're kidding yourself. Any other fallen angel would jump at the chance to get their wings back and become a guardian. Why can't you?" Her voice was choked with bewilderment, irritation, rejection.
ZeldaQueen: Hand-holding, bad writing, excessive adjectives...
Patch pushed up from the pool table. "It was good seeing you again, Dabria. Have a nice trip back."
Without warning, she curled her fists into his shirt, yanked him close, and crushed a kiss to his mouth. Very slowly Patch's body turned toward her, his stance softening. His hands came up and skimmed her arms. I swallowed hard, trying to ignore the stab of jealousy and confusion in my heart. Part of me wanted to turn away and cry, part of me wanted to march over and start shouting. Not that it would do any good. I was invisible. Obviously Miss Greene ... Dabria ... whoever she was ... and Patch had a romantic past together. Were they still together now-in the future? Had she applied for a job at Coldwater High to be closer to Patch? Is that why she was so determined to scare me away from him?
ZeldaQueen: *snarls* Three things here, ladies and gents.
First of all, you all still remember up above, how it was more than clear that Patch doesn't care about Dabria? He's done nothing but belittle her, be distrustful of her, laugh at her, and make it clear he doesn't think highly of her. And Fitzpatrick still expects to play the "BAAAAWWW, he might not love me" card. Right. I guess Nora's confusion is kind of justified, though. After all, that's generally how Patch treats her.
Second of all, Nora has just found out that angels exist, that Patch is absolutely a fallen angel, and that he can be a guardian angel again. What does she choose to focus on? That he's kissing his ex-girlfriend. Right, I have nothing.
Third point, that bit up there, about Dabria's motives? Yes, I know the implications of that. No, I'm letting it lie for now. I'm saving that particular rant for an upcoming chapter
{C}{C}
{C}"I should go," said Dabria, pulling free. "I've already stayed too long. I promised Lucianna I'd hurry." She lowered her head against his chest. "I miss you," she whispered. "Save one human life, and you'll have your wings again. Come back to me," she begged. "Come home." She broke away suddenly. "I have to go. None of the others can find out I've been down here. I love you."
ZeldaQueen: Please, just get on with it. I'm cross enough as it is. I don't want this dragged out
As Dabria turned away, the anxiety vanished from her face. An expression of sly confidence replaced it. It was the face of someone who'd bluffed their way through a rough hand of cards.
ZeldaQueen: Because Dabria is his ex-girlfriend and, as shaolina noted, exes in these books are always EVIL. And because of that, we must have it it hammered into our heads that she is EVIL and thus IS A COLD, CALCULATING, RUTHLESS BITCH, BECAUSE GOD FORBID ANY RIVALS FOR PATCH'S AFFECTION BE LEGITIMATLY NICE PEOPLE, OH NO THAT WOULD MAKE THIS HARD!
{C}{C}
{C}I'm in such a bad mood
Without warning, Patch caught her by the wrist. "Now tell me why you're really here," he said. I shivered at the dark undercurrent in Patch's tone. To an outsider, he looked perfectly calm. But to anyone who'd known him any length of time, it
was obvious. He was giving Dabria a look that said she'd crossed a line and it was in her best interest to hop back across it-now.
ZeldaQueen: Fitzpatrick, that doesn't make Patch look badass. It makes him look like a jerk. Not to mention it continues to strength the abusive boyfriend theme we have going, seeing as Patch is also fine with scaring Nora into telling him things
Patch steered her toward the bar. He planted her on a bar stool and slid onto the one beside it. I took the one next to Patch, leaning in to hear him above the music.
"What do you mean, what am I here for?" Dabria stammered. "I told you-"
"You're lying."
Her mouth dropped. "I can't believe-you think-"
"Tell me the truth, right now," said Patch.
ZeldaQueen: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
Dabria hesitated before answering. She gave him a fierce glare, then said, "Fine. I know what you're planning to do."
Patch laughed. It was a laugh that said, I have a lot of plans. Which one are you referring to?
ZeldaQueen: *buries head in hands* I absolutely give up
"I know you've heard rumors about The Book of Enoch. I also know you think you can do the same thing, but you can't."
Patch folded his arms on the bar. "They sent you here to persuade me to choose a different course, didn't they?" A smile showed in his eyes. "If I'm a threat, the rumors must be true."
"No, they're not. They're rumors."
"If it happened once, it can happen again."
ZeldaQueen: *sings* We did it before and we can do it again!
Seriously, just get on with it, already!
{C}
{C}"It never happened. Did you even bother to read The Book of Enoch before you fell?" she challenged. "Do you know exactly what it says, word for holy word?"
"Maybe you could loan me your copy."
"That's blasphemous! You're forbidden to read it," she cried. "You betrayed every angel in heaven when you fell."
ZeldaQueen: I'm sorry, what? Her first line suggests that Patch didn't read the Book of Enoch and was neglectful for it, but then she says it's forbidden. Are they allowed to read the Book, or aren't they?
"How many of them know what I'm after?" he asked. "How big of a threat am I?"
She tossed her head side to side. "I can't tell you that. I've already told you more than I should have."
"Are they going to try to stop me?"
"The avenging angels will."
ZeldaQueen: Spoilers, folks - the avenging angels do fuck-all to help out. They never smite, they don't even give Patch a warning. Between that and the lax standards for becoming a guardian angel, methinks Heaven is in need of new management
He looked at her with meaning. "Unless they think you talked me out of it."
"Don't look at me like that." She sounded like she was putting all her courage into sounding firm. "I won't lie to protect you. What you're trying to do is wrong. It's not natural."
ZeldaQueen: You know, for all Fitzpatrick tries to make Dabria come across as overly manipulative and horrid, I still think she's a better person than Nora. Nora actively lied to the authorities to hide Patch. Dabria here is saying that she wants Patch to do the right thing, but she's perfectly willing to turn him over if he insists on breaking the law. Why is that the less admirable course of action, again?
"Dabria." Patch spoke her name as a soft threat. He might as well have had her by the arm, twisting it behind her back.
ZeldaQueen: Our Hero, ladies and gentlemen. Threatening his ex when she says she won't protect him
"I can't help you," she said with quiet conviction. "Not that way. Put it out of your mind. Become a guardian angel. Focus on that and forget The Book of Enoch."
Patch planted his elbows on the bar, radiating thought. After a moment he said, "Tell them we talked, and I showed interest in becoming a guardian."
"Interest?" she said, a bit incredulously.
ZeldaQueen: I have to agree. After how this entire conversation went, does he think anyone would buy him being interested in being a guardian angel?
"Interest," he repeated. "Tell them I asked for a name. If I'm going to save a life, I need to know who's at the top of your departing list. I know you're privy to that information as an angel of death."
ZeldaQueen: First of all, why would he need a name? If he just needs to save someone from dying, how hard is it to find someone for that purpose? Just hang around on a street corner in New York City and stop someone from being hit by a truck. It's not hard.
Second of all, we're supposed to believe that Miss Tank Top and Lollipop here is the Angel of Death? Yeah, God really needs to do some investigating on his employees. (As a note, no God is never brought up in this book, which is rather odd when you think about it)
"That information is sacred and private, and not predictable. The events in this world shift from moment to moment depending on human choices-"
"One name, Dabria."
ZeldaQueen: Oh my God, SHUT UP AND FIND SOMEONE YOURSELF, YOU ENTITLED ASS!
"Promise me you'll forget about The Book of Enoch first. Give me your word."
"You'd trust my word?"
"No," she said, "I wouldn't."
ZeldaQueen: Which makes her infinitly more intelligent than Nora in that regard
Patch laughed coolly and, grabbing a toothpick from the dispenser, walked toward the stairs.
"Patch, wait-," she began. She hopped off the bar stool. "Patch, please wait!"
He looked over his shoulder.
"Nora Grey," she said, then immediately clamped her hands over her mouth.
ZeldaQueen: Um, did he force her to somehow say that name? Zuh? Hello?
There was a faint crack in Patch's expression-a frown of disbelief mixed with annoyance. Which made no sense since, if the calendar on the wall was correct, we hadn't met yet. My name shouldn't have sparked familiarity. "How is she going to die?" he asked.
ZeldaQueen: Considering that he said he went to school to be with her and clearly has been stalking her, you'd think that would raise some alarms there
"Someone wants to kill her."
ZeldaQueen: *rolls eyes* Of course. This Twilight rip-off would not be complete, otherwise
"Who?"
"I don't know," she said, covering her ears and shaking her head. "There's so much noise and commotion down here. All the images blur together, they come too fast, I can't see clearly. I need to go home. I need peace and calm."
ZeldaQueen: Okay, that right there is a legitimately interesting bit of information about angels, as well as a potential explanation as to why fallen angels like Patch are so ax-crazy. Being on Earth is just so much noisier and just wrong for them that they can't deal. It also would be a good explanation as to why Patch is so desperate to move on in is Master Plan (more on that later). But no, this is the only time it's brought up
Patch tucked a strand of Dabria's hair behind her ear and looked at her persuasively.
ZeldaQueen: And of course Nora doesn't get all insanely jealous when Patch is flirting with her to get what he wants. Never mind that he's basically pushing for his way with a girl who clearly is distressed and unable to think clearly, for information he's not privy to. Double standards, what're those?
She gave a warm shudder at his touch, then nodded and shut her eyes. "I can't see ... I don't see anything ... it's useless."
"Who wants to kill Nora Grey?" Patch urged.
ZeldaQueen: You mean besides most of the people in the audience?
"Wait, I see her," said Dabria. Her voice turned anxious. "There's a shadow behind her. It's him. He's following her. She doesn't see him ... but he's right there. Why doesn't she see him? Why isn't she running? I can't see his face, it's in shadow...."
Dabria's eyes flew open. She sucked in a quick, sharp breath.
"Who?" Patch said.
Dabria curled her hands against her mouth. She was trembling as she raised her eyes to Patch's.
"You," she whispered.
ZeldaQueen: DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNN
And yes, we leave off with that stunning revelation that Patch is the one who will kill Nora (which makes the bit about her not running even stupider, because apparently she's just fine letting her Hawt Boyfriend FREAKING KILL HER). Given how he's been treating her, I honestly don't know how Fitzpatrick saw this as a surprise. Well, that's all for now at least, folks. See you for part two. And dear LORD, it's bad!
Onward to: Chapter 23 (Part 2)
Back to: Chapter 22
Return to to: Table of Contents