My Inner Life: Chapter 5 - A New Life
ZeldaQueen: Hello, dear viewers! Time for yet another update. Remember all that blathering that we've been having from the Sue and everyone else about how she's going to have children with Link and how they're going to be such beautiful and strong babies, yadda yadda yadda? Well...it's going to get a lot worse
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 5: A New Life
A new life
ZeldaQueen: It's alive! ALIVE!!!
A few months later I was coming home from the castle after watching Link all day in the Practice Yards with his legion.
ZeldaQueen: *facepalm* Link's Queen, please tell me, when do we ever get any indication that Link is in any way affiliated with the king's army? The soldiers laugh at him in the game! He never even meets the king! He shouldn't have these many connections!
He had spent the day teaching sword techniques to the people in his legion.
ZeldaQueen: YOU SAID THAT ALREADY! PDORD Count = 13
I spent most of the day watching him until I starting feeling a little sick.
ZeldaQueen: For unbeknown to her, I caught her stalking Link and shot her with a poisoned dart
I had moved into the garden to sit down and rest when Zelda came to see me.
ZeldaQueen: Where was Jenna before? Where was Zelda? Did the princess just get pulled out of thin air to fuss over the Sue? I shall repeat - Zelda is not a servant!!!
"You do not look well my friend, are you ok?" Zelda said looking worried.
ZeldaQueen: Don't worry, in a few minuets minutes she'll be dead and you and Link will be free of her evil spell
"I feel a little sick in the stomach, and I feel real tired." I said as I held my stomach and tried to get up.
ZeldaQueen: Zoinks! She's tired and sick to her stomach after having numerous sexings with Link! I wonder what this is about?
"Come my friend, I will take you to the healer." Zelda took my hand and led me towards the healer's chambers.
ZeldaQueen: Because Zelda is the Sue's handmaid. Of course. *despairs*
When we got there the healer had me lie on a table while she looked me over.
ZeldaQueen: (Healer) "My word, I didn't think it was possible to have so many STDs!"
After some time she found out why I was not well.
ZeldaQueen: The knife wound from where I stabbed the Sue would be a big tip-off...
She told me I was pregnant.
ZeldaQueen: Much to the surprise of absolutely no one!
Zelda looked at me with shock as I was hit with joy.
ZeldaQueen: Go joy! Do a U-turn and hit her again! She's still alive!
A rush of happiness ran through me.
ZeldaQueen: Stop using that phrase!
I looked at Zelda and then I hugged her.
ZeldaQueen: Hands off of the princess, you filthy Sue! *grows*
"Oh Goddesses...congratulations. Oh... Link will be soo happy."
ZeldaQueen: Oh god - NOT ZELDA TOO! NOW THE PRINCESS IS BEING AN AIRHEAD VALLEY GIRL!
Zelda smiled at me as we hugged and I felt warm inside.
ZeldaQueen: Please let that be a chestburster. Or one of those slimy butt-aliens from Dreamcatchers (which I just saw last night and now I gas attacks freak me out)
"I must go and tell father." Then Zelda took off to fetch the King.
ZeldaQueen: And of course Zelda immediately prances off to tell her father. Who shouldn't care about this at all. Before even getting Link. GAH!
I turned my attention back to the healer. "How far along am I?" I asked. "About two months." The healer responded.
ZeldaQueen: Okay, problem here. Take a gander at this picture of a woman who is two months pregnant
ZeldaQueen: Now what can be seen from this pic? Her stomach is starting to stick out! Not a lot, granted, but it's still kind of noticeable. Now I know that it's not really so prominent at two months and can be pretty easily hidden if one dresses properly, but this is Jenna's own body. Presumably she's seen it naked. Her stomach ought to have grown enough for even her to have noticed! Fail!
Then she handed me a small bag with herbs in it.
ZeldaQueen: Lousy doctor. That's going to be one screwed-up baby
"Here are some herbs to counter the morning sickness and dizziness.
ZeldaQueen: So of course the Sue doesn't get any of the bad parts of pregnancy! I give up! As much as I hated Meyer's sped-up pregnancy, at least she had it not be all daisies and sunshine
Make sure you take it easy. No real heavy activities.
ZeldaQueen: Oh that's fine. Jenna never does anything like that anyway
Eat and drink a lot and make sure you get enough sleep. And one piece of advice on a personal note, if you and your husband make love a lot while your pregnant, you'll help make the baby stronger.
ZeldaQueen: ...
Um, I'm no expert on childbirth, but I'm fairly sure that's not right. Link's Queen, I hardly think you need to invent reasons for your Sue to have sex with Link
Just no real heavy lovemaking. Keep it gentle.
ZeldaQueen: Yes, thank you weird woman who insists on giving her patients advice on their sex lives
And come back to see me in two weeks.
ZeldaQueen: Why? What's going to happen in two weeks? Don't doctors usually have expecting mothers come back in several months to monitor development?
And that's another thing - how the flying frig does this healer woman even know how far along Jenna is? It's not like she's got an ultrascan machine
You may now leave." She gestured for me to get up and I nodded at the healer as I got off the table and headed back to the palace garden.
ZeldaQueen: They both sound extremely arrogant there
As I waited for Princess Zelda and her father,
ZeldaQueen: Of course, you wait for them to go to you
I put my hand on my belly and begun to think to myself. "Oh my Goddesses....I'm going to be mother. My first born. Link's child."
ZeldaQueen: Yes folks, the "I WANT LINK'S PRETTY BABIES!" thing is going to be ramped up to eleven now
A tear started to run down my cheek. "He gave me this miracle, blessed us with a baby. I love him soo much."
ZeldaQueen: I love how this is all in terms of Link. "Oh, Link wants a baby!" "Oh, I can give Link a baby!" "Oh, Link was so good as to grace me with his baby!" It's disgusting
Then tears of happiness started to stream down my face. I had a miracle growing inside me. Link and I made this new life together. We were truly blessed.
ZeldaQueen: Um, lots of people have babies. It's not that groundbreaking
Then I heard Lilly calling to me.
ZeldaQueen: Wait, what the fuck's she doing here?
"Jenna, I just heard the news. Congratulations, I'm soo happy for you.
ZeldaQueen: Yep, what'd I say? Total Sue groupie
Link will be soo happy when you tell him.
ZeldaQueen: What is it with this Suethor and her aversion to only using one "o" in "so"?
How are you going tell him?"
ZeldaQueen: With vowels and consonants, I'd hope
Lilly's grin nearly split her face.
ZeldaQueen: FAIRIES DON'T HAVE MOUTHS!
*sigh* For anyone who doesn't know what the fairies in Ocarina of Time look like, this is Navi
ZeldaQueen: Based on how we keep getting descriptions of how the fairies smile, I can only assume that Link's Queen pictured them like this
ZeldaQueen: And no, there really was no reason for that second picture there. I just thought it was utterly sweet and needed some personal shipping to save me from this horror that is Jenna (thank you, Fanpop)
I looked at Lilly and her pink aura seemed to glow brighter.
ZeldaQueen: Bow-chicka-bow-wow!
"I thought of lighting some candles, cooking a meal to create a romantic setting, and telling him over dinner."
ZeldaQueen: What an amazingly modern idea!
Lilly flew in a circle. "That is a great idea. I cannot wait to see the look on his face." Lilly said as she chuckled at the thought of Link's expression after he was told.
ZeldaQueen: Gah, these sentences are awful! PDORD Count = 15
I sat and wondered how Link would take it. But I knew that he always wanted a child. And I hoped the baby would be a boy. Since that is what Link always wanted.
ZeldaQueen: Um, why would Link care? All we've been told is how much he wants a baby.
And notice how Jenna only wants a boy because Link wants one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~*RAGE*~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Jenna my dear daughter, I heard about thy pregnancy." Just then the King walked into the Palace Garden with Princess Zelda right behind him.
ZeldaQueen: So the King just dropped everything and went outside just to talk about Jenna's pregnancy? BULL, I SAY! He's the KING! He's got stuff to get done! What does Link's Queen think a king does all day?
Also - SUETHOR, YOU ARE NOT THE KING'S DAUGHTER!!!
"The Princess has just told me about thy new miracle." I ran over to him and gave the King a hug.
ZeldaQueen: STOP IT!
The king looked into my eyes, his eyes were as gentle as ever.
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 16
"Congratulations my daughter, have thou told Link yet?"
ZeldaQueen: Why does everyone keep asking this? These people shouldn't care
I nodded no but that I was going to tell him tonight over dinner.
ZeldaQueen: Wait, how do you "nod" no? Shouldn't you "shake your head" instead?
"When you and Link have thy first born, I will have everyone in Hyrule attend to celebrate thy new life.
ZeldaQueen: Because THE ENTIRE LAND OF HYRULE hasn't got anything better to do than worship the Sue's baby.
And isn't that blatant nepotism? Tsk, tsk, your highness
A naming ceremony will also be held. It will be a blessed event."
ZeldaQueen: Of course it will be. Now stop talking about the little rugrat like it came down from a cloud
Then the king's smile seemed to glow.
ZeldaQueen: Oh my god, he's radioactive
"I'm going to be a grandfather." The King said as smiled at me, his smile always warmed my soul.
ZeldaQueen: *peers at sentence* Huh. Guess I read that right after all. I thought I'd been mistaken. Well then... *cracks fingers*
ZeldaQueen: CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? SUETHOR, ARE YOU COMPLETELY STONE-COLD FUCKING NUTS? I DO BELIEVE YOU ARE! I ALSO REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ACTUALLY PLAYED THIS GAME, OTHERWISE HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE ALRIGHT WITH TRAMPLING ON PRINCESS ZELDA SO MUCH? LOOK AT THAT! THE KING IS TREATING YOUR SELF-INSERT LIKE MORE OF A DAUGHTER THAN HIS OWN GOD DAMNED DAUGHTER!!!! SUETHOR, I'M SURE YOU WANT TO BE A PRINCESS, BUT DON'T GO AND DO IT BY PUTTING DOWN AND SQUASHING ONE WHO ALREADY EXISTS AND SHOWS MORE GUTS AND WISDOM THAN YOUR SHITTY CHARACTER! YOU DO REALIZE THAT IT'S THINGS LIKE THIS THAT MAKE YOU GET THOSE FLAMES AND NOT THE SEX, DO YOU? DO YOU? AND THE WORST PART IS, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LET UP ANYTIME SOON, NOPE. SO HELP ME SUETHOR, IF I EVER FIND WHERE YOU LIVE I'M GOING TO JAM A SPORK UP EVERY AVAILABLE ORFICE YOU'VE GOT!!!!!
I was glad he was like a father to me.
ZeldaQueen: NO HE'S NOT!!!
Always gentle and caring. Now that I was to have a baby, it brought us even closer.
ZeldaQueen: YOU'RE NOT HIS DAUGHTER! WHY WOULD HE CARE ABOUT YOU HAVING A BABY? MY GOD, I'M HAVING AN ANEURYSM OVER THIS!
We chitchatted a little longer until the dizziness started to take hold. Then the King saw me to the gate and I headed for home.
ZeldaQueen: And of course she conveniently gets sick just in time for the King to personally escort her to the door!
When I reached home I went straight to bathe.
ZeldaQueen: In the middle of the day?
After I undressed I looked down at my bare stomach. I put my hand gently on my belly and rubbed up and down.
ZeldaQueen: Yep, I think this chick gets off on herself
There was a life growing inside of me. A miracle that Link gave me. The baby was going to be beautiful.
ZeldaQueen: SHUT UP ABOUT HOW YOUR BABY WILL LOOK! YOU SOUND INCREDIBLY SHALLOW!!!
Then I got into the tub and slid down into the water.
ZeldaQueen: She's got a waterslide in the tub?
I soaked my sore ankles and legs a while, then I took the washrag and cleaned up.
ZeldaQueen: I love how she only is getting sore after she discovers she's pregnant. Oh, and don't the sore ankles come in later, when your stomach is bigger and thus heavier and thus putting more pressure on your legs?
After I washed up I got out and dried off.
ZeldaQueen: Well, I'm a better person for having been told that
I went to the wardrobe closet and selected a low cut pink dress with long selves and the Triforce symbol over my right breast. A pink feathery lace ran underneath my breasts. And a crisscross pattern held the back together. I pulled my hair into a bun and went downstairs.
ZeldaQueen: I honestly don't know where she gets all of these clothes. I suspect the Suethor doesn't either
I lit the candles around the room and the two on the table. Then I went to prepare dinner. I made cooked pork in a cream sauce, with potatoes and cabbage.
ZeldaQueen: Oh my god, will you do something remotely interesting for once?
As I made the final preparations I heard a horse come plodding up to the stable. I finished setting the table, put the food out on the table, took my apron off and hurried to the door to greet Link.
ZeldaQueen: (Link) "Lucy! I'm home!"
As he stepped in the door, his eyes looked me up and down. "You look ravishing my love. I thought about you all day long." Then he reached over, kissed me on the lips, took my hand and led me into the house.
ZeldaQueen: Seriously folks, this is so '50s sitcom I don't know what to say
Once inside he noticed the candles and the food on the table. "Honey, what is with the candles, and the food setting?"
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 17
I looked into his dark blue eyes and smiled. "I just wanted to surprise you with a romantic dinner after you worked hard all day." I said sweetly.
ZeldaQueen: No, just...no
His smile widened as he took me into his arms. "It's just lovely my sweet, thank you my love."
ZeldaQueen: (Sue) "But of course, my love! I live to be your domestic servant!"
He kissed me again, then gestured me for me to sit at the table. He pushed in my chair before seating himself. After we served ourselves, I looked up from my food and at him.
ZeldaQueen: Suethor, is this going to be vitally important to the plot later? No? The take it out!
"So honey, how was your day?"
ZeldaQueen: Wa - *stares in disbelieve*
She's got to be kidding me
After he swallowed a bite of food he answered. "The King and I had a discussion about updating defensive moves among the army. So I spent the entire day teaching new sword techniques and defense strategies among the men."
ZeldaQueen: Translation - "Blah, blah, blah, boring stuff
I cocked my head at Link. "Does the King think that a war is brewing?" I asked.
ZeldaQueen: No, that might actually be interesting
"No, but he wants to be prepared in the even that one does and men have to be sent in."
ZeldaQueen: So the king just randomly has his soldiers train and learn new fighting techniques for no reason. And my dear, I think you wanted to say "event" and not "even"
"Link honey, I did watch you today until I started not to feel well." I said as I put my fork down.
ZeldaQueen: Well that was a terrible transition
Link's eyes grew a worried look in them.
ZeldaQueen: What does that even mean? Does Link's eyes have a plant growing out of them or something?
"How do you feel now sweet heart?" He asked concerned.
ZeldaQueen: Stop capitalizing those "he"s! And Jenna has a name! Use it! Or have you forgotten it already?
"I feel much better now. I went to see the castle's healer." Then there was a long pause before Link broke the silence. "Are you ok my love?" Link questioned. "Link my love, I have something to tell you." I said looking into his eyes.
ZeldaQueen: *sigh*
Just then Lilly and Navi flew into the room.
ZeldaQueen: And the annoying fairies are here. Hooray
Lilly flew up to my ear.
ZeldaQueen: (Lilly) "Gack! It smells like pus in there!"
"Jen, did you tell him yet?" "Tell him what?" Navi chimed in.
ZeldaQueen: Link's Queen, please put an Entered space between the lines of dialogue! Right now, I'm having a hard time figuring out who said what!
"Link my love, we are going to have a baby." I finally said.
ZeldaQueen: Yes, they're both going to give birth together after the Sue merges with Link
The next thing I heard was a clank of silverware hitting his plate. His eyes grew as big as saucers as he looked at me. "You mean I'm going to be a father?" He said as a look of pure shock came across his face.
ZeldaQueen: Why is this all so surprising to them? They've been screwing and obviously have been trying to have children
I nodded yes. "Oh Jen congratulations, I had no idea you were pregnant." Navi added.
ZeldaQueen: Um, she didn't tell you so...duh?
Link then leapt out of his chair, ran over to me, lifted me up and took me into his arms. He stared deeply into my eyes then kissed me passionately. "I love you Jen. I cannot believe that I'm going to be a father."
ZeldaQueen: I really hate this version of Link. I want canon Link back
Excitement filled Link's eyes.
ZeldaQueen: That must make it hard to see
Then he placed a hand on my belly. "How far along are you?" Link asked with excitement. "The healer said I was two months along." I replied. "I still cannot believe it. I'm going to be a daddy." Link added.
ZeldaQueen: I can believe it, because no one will shut up about it!
Seriously, Suethor, there's a time and a place for milking stuff like this
Link and I held each other for a long time. We were happy that we were going to have a baby.
ZeldaQueen: Well I sincerely hope that Jenna's going to actually be the one having it. Unless it's one of those fanfictions...
Excitement filled us both. I laid my head against Link's chest, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Lilly and Navi smiling in a way of saying, "Awe isn't that beautiful."
ZeldaQueen: Link's Queen, have you ever heard of "show, don't tell"? Or question marks, for that matter?
Also, FAIRIES DON'T HAVE MOUTHS! THEY CAN'T SMILE!
I felt a rush of happiness run through me.
ZeldaQueen: *sigh* PDORD Count = 18
I knew now that I was going to be complete. I had Link and now I was going to have his baby.
ZeldaQueen: YES, BECAUSE ALL WOMEN NEED TO FULFILL THEIR LIVES ARE MARRIAGE AND CHILDREN! And it's your baby too!
Link was now going to have that child he always wanted. We were truly blessed.
ZeldaQueen: I give up! So she's only having this baby because Link wants one? I swear to Christ, this Suethor must be actively trying to make Jenna as anti-feminist as possible
The next few days were not easy. The morning sickness hit when I got up in the morning and the dizziness would hit by mid afternoon.
ZeldaQueen: So you only start getting these symptoms after you get diagnosed? How utterly convenient
With Link's duties at the castle he was not able to remain at home with me like he wanted to.
ZeldaQueen: Well, at least someone is remembering that there's life outside of the Sue. And it's promptly played for "oh pity me!" angst. GAH!
But he left Navi and Lilly to watch over me.
ZeldaQueen: Because those two have been soo useful so far
Link did worry about me while he was away, but he knew that Lilly and Navi would take care of me.
ZeldaQueen: You already said that! PDORD Count = 20
It was the hottest part of the summer.
ZeldaQueen: Oh, so it's summer. Good for Link's Queen to throw us a timeline-related bone like that
About midday some of the villagers from Kakaraio village would gather into Lake Hylia.
ZeldaQueen: Underwater? How on earth do they breath? And what does this have to do with anything?
Inside the Lost Woods it was a little cooler, however sometimes the humidity would make going outside unbearable.
ZeldaQueen: Oh, poor you
From time to time I would got to the castle and visit with Princess Zelda or to watch Link in the practice yards, but during the days that it was too hot, I would remain home.
ZeldaQueen: And we still have the Suethor forgetting how freaking far Hyrule Castle is from the Lost Woods
And on the days Link stayed home we ourselves would go to Lake Hylia to cool off.
ZeldaQueen: Same with Lake Hylia. Granted there's a shortcut through Zora's Domain, but you need to go really deep underwater to get to the tunnels. I seriously doubt our wilting flower Sue could manage
After the hot months, in early fall Link and I talked about taking our relationship beyond our vows.
ZeldaQueen: What?
We wanted to bond ourselves together further then our marriage had.
ZeldaQueen: Excuse me? All you two ever go on about is how soo in luv you both are! And why are you only talking about this now? I don't think that most couples discuss this several months into their marriages
We found out that there was a Monastery just beyond Gerudo Valley where the Monks there preformed Pagan Bonding Ceremonies.
ZeldaQueen: Monks. Beyond the Gerudo Valley in the blistering desert. WELL, I JUST MUST HAVE MISSED THAT WHEN I WENT TO THE SPIRIT TEMPLE!
These rituals were preformed to bond married couples further then their marriage vows.
ZeldaQueen: Ohhh, I've seen those bonding rituals. It's nothing you haven't done before (well the part that's clearly important is, at least)
Link and I decided that we meant so much to each other that we wanted to do it together.
ZeldaQueen: Trust me, you've done it together already. Several times.
Good god are those two sickening sweethearts!
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ZeldaQueen: Tune in next time, for even worse mind-scarring sex. Bring plenty of Brain Bleach
Onward to: Chapter 6: The Bonding (Part 1)
Back to: Chapter 4: Back in Hyrule
Return to: Table of Content
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Chapter 5: A New Life
A new life
ZeldaQueen: It's alive! ALIVE!!!
A few months later I was coming home from the castle after watching Link all day in the Practice Yards with his legion.
ZeldaQueen: *facepalm* Link's Queen, please tell me, when do we ever get any indication that Link is in any way affiliated with the king's army? The soldiers laugh at him in the game! He never even meets the king! He shouldn't have these many connections!
He had spent the day teaching sword techniques to the people in his legion.
ZeldaQueen: YOU SAID THAT ALREADY! PDORD Count = 13
I spent most of the day watching him until I starting feeling a little sick.
ZeldaQueen: For unbeknown to her, I caught her stalking Link and shot her with a poisoned dart
I had moved into the garden to sit down and rest when Zelda came to see me.
ZeldaQueen: Where was Jenna before? Where was Zelda? Did the princess just get pulled out of thin air to fuss over the Sue? I shall repeat - Zelda is not a servant!!!
"You do not look well my friend, are you ok?" Zelda said looking worried.
ZeldaQueen: Don't worry, in a few minuets minutes she'll be dead and you and Link will be free of her evil spell
"I feel a little sick in the stomach, and I feel real tired." I said as I held my stomach and tried to get up.
ZeldaQueen: Zoinks! She's tired and sick to her stomach after having numerous sexings with Link! I wonder what this is about?
"Come my friend, I will take you to the healer." Zelda took my hand and led me towards the healer's chambers.
ZeldaQueen: Because Zelda is the Sue's handmaid. Of course. *despairs*
When we got there the healer had me lie on a table while she looked me over.
ZeldaQueen: (Healer) "My word, I didn't think it was possible to have so many STDs!"
After some time she found out why I was not well.
ZeldaQueen: The knife wound from where I stabbed the Sue would be a big tip-off...
She told me I was pregnant.
ZeldaQueen: Much to the surprise of absolutely no one!
Zelda looked at me with shock as I was hit with joy.
ZeldaQueen: Go joy! Do a U-turn and hit her again! She's still alive!
A rush of happiness ran through me.
ZeldaQueen: Stop using that phrase!
I looked at Zelda and then I hugged her.
ZeldaQueen: Hands off of the princess, you filthy Sue! *grows*
"Oh Goddesses...congratulations. Oh... Link will be soo happy."
ZeldaQueen: Oh god - NOT ZELDA TOO! NOW THE PRINCESS IS BEING AN AIRHEAD VALLEY GIRL!
Zelda smiled at me as we hugged and I felt warm inside.
ZeldaQueen: Please let that be a chestburster. Or one of those slimy butt-aliens from Dreamcatchers (which I just saw last night and now I gas attacks freak me out)
"I must go and tell father." Then Zelda took off to fetch the King.
ZeldaQueen: And of course Zelda immediately prances off to tell her father. Who shouldn't care about this at all. Before even getting Link. GAH!
I turned my attention back to the healer. "How far along am I?" I asked. "About two months." The healer responded.
ZeldaQueen: Okay, problem here. Take a gander at this picture of a woman who is two months pregnant
ZeldaQueen: Now what can be seen from this pic? Her stomach is starting to stick out! Not a lot, granted, but it's still kind of noticeable. Now I know that it's not really so prominent at two months and can be pretty easily hidden if one dresses properly, but this is Jenna's own body. Presumably she's seen it naked. Her stomach ought to have grown enough for even her to have noticed! Fail!
Then she handed me a small bag with herbs in it.
ZeldaQueen: Lousy doctor. That's going to be one screwed-up baby
"Here are some herbs to counter the morning sickness and dizziness.
ZeldaQueen: So of course the Sue doesn't get any of the bad parts of pregnancy! I give up! As much as I hated Meyer's sped-up pregnancy, at least she had it not be all daisies and sunshine
Make sure you take it easy. No real heavy activities.
ZeldaQueen: Oh that's fine. Jenna never does anything like that anyway
Eat and drink a lot and make sure you get enough sleep. And one piece of advice on a personal note, if you and your husband make love a lot while your pregnant, you'll help make the baby stronger.
ZeldaQueen: ...
Um, I'm no expert on childbirth, but I'm fairly sure that's not right. Link's Queen, I hardly think you need to invent reasons for your Sue to have sex with Link
Just no real heavy lovemaking. Keep it gentle.
ZeldaQueen: Yes, thank you weird woman who insists on giving her patients advice on their sex lives
And come back to see me in two weeks.
ZeldaQueen: Why? What's going to happen in two weeks? Don't doctors usually have expecting mothers come back in several months to monitor development?
And that's another thing - how the flying frig does this healer woman even know how far along Jenna is? It's not like she's got an ultrascan machine
You may now leave." She gestured for me to get up and I nodded at the healer as I got off the table and headed back to the palace garden.
ZeldaQueen: They both sound extremely arrogant there
As I waited for Princess Zelda and her father,
ZeldaQueen: Of course, you wait for them to go to you
I put my hand on my belly and begun to think to myself. "Oh my Goddesses....I'm going to be mother. My first born. Link's child."
ZeldaQueen: Yes folks, the "I WANT LINK'S PRETTY BABIES!" thing is going to be ramped up to eleven now
A tear started to run down my cheek. "He gave me this miracle, blessed us with a baby. I love him soo much."
ZeldaQueen: I love how this is all in terms of Link. "Oh, Link wants a baby!" "Oh, I can give Link a baby!" "Oh, Link was so good as to grace me with his baby!" It's disgusting
Then tears of happiness started to stream down my face. I had a miracle growing inside me. Link and I made this new life together. We were truly blessed.
ZeldaQueen: Um, lots of people have babies. It's not that groundbreaking
Then I heard Lilly calling to me.
ZeldaQueen: Wait, what the fuck's she doing here?
"Jenna, I just heard the news. Congratulations, I'm soo happy for you.
ZeldaQueen: Yep, what'd I say? Total Sue groupie
Link will be soo happy when you tell him.
ZeldaQueen: What is it with this Suethor and her aversion to only using one "o" in "so"?
How are you going tell him?"
ZeldaQueen: With vowels and consonants, I'd hope
Lilly's grin nearly split her face.
ZeldaQueen: FAIRIES DON'T HAVE MOUTHS!
*sigh* For anyone who doesn't know what the fairies in Ocarina of Time look like, this is Navi
ZeldaQueen: Based on how we keep getting descriptions of how the fairies smile, I can only assume that Link's Queen pictured them like this
ZeldaQueen: And no, there really was no reason for that second picture there. I just thought it was utterly sweet and needed some personal shipping to save me from this horror that is Jenna (thank you, Fanpop)
I looked at Lilly and her pink aura seemed to glow brighter.
ZeldaQueen: Bow-chicka-bow-wow!
"I thought of lighting some candles, cooking a meal to create a romantic setting, and telling him over dinner."
ZeldaQueen: What an amazingly modern idea!
Lilly flew in a circle. "That is a great idea. I cannot wait to see the look on his face." Lilly said as she chuckled at the thought of Link's expression after he was told.
ZeldaQueen: Gah, these sentences are awful! PDORD Count = 15
I sat and wondered how Link would take it. But I knew that he always wanted a child. And I hoped the baby would be a boy. Since that is what Link always wanted.
ZeldaQueen: Um, why would Link care? All we've been told is how much he wants a baby.
And notice how Jenna only wants a boy because Link wants one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~*RAGE*~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Jenna my dear daughter, I heard about thy pregnancy." Just then the King walked into the Palace Garden with Princess Zelda right behind him.
ZeldaQueen: So the King just dropped everything and went outside just to talk about Jenna's pregnancy? BULL, I SAY! He's the KING! He's got stuff to get done! What does Link's Queen think a king does all day?
Also - SUETHOR, YOU ARE NOT THE KING'S DAUGHTER!!!
"The Princess has just told me about thy new miracle." I ran over to him and gave the King a hug.
ZeldaQueen: STOP IT!
The king looked into my eyes, his eyes were as gentle as ever.
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 16
"Congratulations my daughter, have thou told Link yet?"
ZeldaQueen: Why does everyone keep asking this? These people shouldn't care
I nodded no but that I was going to tell him tonight over dinner.
ZeldaQueen: Wait, how do you "nod" no? Shouldn't you "shake your head" instead?
"When you and Link have thy first born, I will have everyone in Hyrule attend to celebrate thy new life.
ZeldaQueen: Because THE ENTIRE LAND OF HYRULE hasn't got anything better to do than worship the Sue's baby.
And isn't that blatant nepotism? Tsk, tsk, your highness
A naming ceremony will also be held. It will be a blessed event."
ZeldaQueen: Of course it will be. Now stop talking about the little rugrat like it came down from a cloud
Then the king's smile seemed to glow.
ZeldaQueen: Oh my god, he's radioactive
"I'm going to be a grandfather." The King said as smiled at me, his smile always warmed my soul.
ZeldaQueen: *peers at sentence* Huh. Guess I read that right after all. I thought I'd been mistaken. Well then... *cracks fingers*
ZeldaQueen: CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? SUETHOR, ARE YOU COMPLETELY STONE-COLD FUCKING NUTS? I DO BELIEVE YOU ARE! I ALSO REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ACTUALLY PLAYED THIS GAME, OTHERWISE HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE ALRIGHT WITH TRAMPLING ON PRINCESS ZELDA SO MUCH? LOOK AT THAT! THE KING IS TREATING YOUR SELF-INSERT LIKE MORE OF A DAUGHTER THAN HIS OWN GOD DAMNED DAUGHTER!!!! SUETHOR, I'M SURE YOU WANT TO BE A PRINCESS, BUT DON'T GO AND DO IT BY PUTTING DOWN AND SQUASHING ONE WHO ALREADY EXISTS AND SHOWS MORE GUTS AND WISDOM THAN YOUR SHITTY CHARACTER! YOU DO REALIZE THAT IT'S THINGS LIKE THIS THAT MAKE YOU GET THOSE FLAMES AND NOT THE SEX, DO YOU? DO YOU? AND THE WORST PART IS, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LET UP ANYTIME SOON, NOPE. SO HELP ME SUETHOR, IF I EVER FIND WHERE YOU LIVE I'M GOING TO JAM A SPORK UP EVERY AVAILABLE ORFICE YOU'VE GOT!!!!!
I was glad he was like a father to me.
ZeldaQueen: NO HE'S NOT!!!
Always gentle and caring. Now that I was to have a baby, it brought us even closer.
ZeldaQueen: YOU'RE NOT HIS DAUGHTER! WHY WOULD HE CARE ABOUT YOU HAVING A BABY? MY GOD, I'M HAVING AN ANEURYSM OVER THIS!
We chitchatted a little longer until the dizziness started to take hold. Then the King saw me to the gate and I headed for home.
ZeldaQueen: And of course she conveniently gets sick just in time for the King to personally escort her to the door!
When I reached home I went straight to bathe.
ZeldaQueen: In the middle of the day?
After I undressed I looked down at my bare stomach. I put my hand gently on my belly and rubbed up and down.
ZeldaQueen: Yep, I think this chick gets off on herself
There was a life growing inside of me. A miracle that Link gave me. The baby was going to be beautiful.
ZeldaQueen: SHUT UP ABOUT HOW YOUR BABY WILL LOOK! YOU SOUND INCREDIBLY SHALLOW!!!
Then I got into the tub and slid down into the water.
ZeldaQueen: She's got a waterslide in the tub?
I soaked my sore ankles and legs a while, then I took the washrag and cleaned up.
ZeldaQueen: I love how she only is getting sore after she discovers she's pregnant. Oh, and don't the sore ankles come in later, when your stomach is bigger and thus heavier and thus putting more pressure on your legs?
After I washed up I got out and dried off.
ZeldaQueen: Well, I'm a better person for having been told that
I went to the wardrobe closet and selected a low cut pink dress with long selves and the Triforce symbol over my right breast. A pink feathery lace ran underneath my breasts. And a crisscross pattern held the back together. I pulled my hair into a bun and went downstairs.
ZeldaQueen: I honestly don't know where she gets all of these clothes. I suspect the Suethor doesn't either
I lit the candles around the room and the two on the table. Then I went to prepare dinner. I made cooked pork in a cream sauce, with potatoes and cabbage.
ZeldaQueen: Oh my god, will you do something remotely interesting for once?
As I made the final preparations I heard a horse come plodding up to the stable. I finished setting the table, put the food out on the table, took my apron off and hurried to the door to greet Link.
ZeldaQueen: (Link) "Lucy! I'm home!"
As he stepped in the door, his eyes looked me up and down. "You look ravishing my love. I thought about you all day long." Then he reached over, kissed me on the lips, took my hand and led me into the house.
ZeldaQueen: Seriously folks, this is so '50s sitcom I don't know what to say
Once inside he noticed the candles and the food on the table. "Honey, what is with the candles, and the food setting?"
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 17
I looked into his dark blue eyes and smiled. "I just wanted to surprise you with a romantic dinner after you worked hard all day." I said sweetly.
ZeldaQueen: No, just...no
His smile widened as he took me into his arms. "It's just lovely my sweet, thank you my love."
ZeldaQueen: (Sue) "But of course, my love! I live to be your domestic servant!"
He kissed me again, then gestured me for me to sit at the table. He pushed in my chair before seating himself. After we served ourselves, I looked up from my food and at him.
ZeldaQueen: Suethor, is this going to be vitally important to the plot later? No? The take it out!
"So honey, how was your day?"
ZeldaQueen: Wa - *stares in disbelieve*
She's got to be kidding me
After he swallowed a bite of food he answered. "The King and I had a discussion about updating defensive moves among the army. So I spent the entire day teaching new sword techniques and defense strategies among the men."
ZeldaQueen: Translation - "Blah, blah, blah, boring stuff
I cocked my head at Link. "Does the King think that a war is brewing?" I asked.
ZeldaQueen: No, that might actually be interesting
"No, but he wants to be prepared in the even that one does and men have to be sent in."
ZeldaQueen: So the king just randomly has his soldiers train and learn new fighting techniques for no reason. And my dear, I think you wanted to say "event" and not "even"
"Link honey, I did watch you today until I started not to feel well." I said as I put my fork down.
ZeldaQueen: Well that was a terrible transition
Link's eyes grew a worried look in them.
ZeldaQueen: What does that even mean? Does Link's eyes have a plant growing out of them or something?
"How do you feel now sweet heart?" He asked concerned.
ZeldaQueen: Stop capitalizing those "he"s! And Jenna has a name! Use it! Or have you forgotten it already?
"I feel much better now. I went to see the castle's healer." Then there was a long pause before Link broke the silence. "Are you ok my love?" Link questioned. "Link my love, I have something to tell you." I said looking into his eyes.
ZeldaQueen: *sigh*
Click to viewJust then Lilly and Navi flew into the room.
ZeldaQueen: And the annoying fairies are here. Hooray
Lilly flew up to my ear.
ZeldaQueen: (Lilly) "Gack! It smells like pus in there!"
"Jen, did you tell him yet?" "Tell him what?" Navi chimed in.
ZeldaQueen: Link's Queen, please put an Entered space between the lines of dialogue! Right now, I'm having a hard time figuring out who said what!
"Link my love, we are going to have a baby." I finally said.
ZeldaQueen: Yes, they're both going to give birth together after the Sue merges with Link
The next thing I heard was a clank of silverware hitting his plate. His eyes grew as big as saucers as he looked at me. "You mean I'm going to be a father?" He said as a look of pure shock came across his face.
ZeldaQueen: Why is this all so surprising to them? They've been screwing and obviously have been trying to have children
I nodded yes. "Oh Jen congratulations, I had no idea you were pregnant." Navi added.
ZeldaQueen: Um, she didn't tell you so...duh?
Link then leapt out of his chair, ran over to me, lifted me up and took me into his arms. He stared deeply into my eyes then kissed me passionately. "I love you Jen. I cannot believe that I'm going to be a father."
ZeldaQueen: I really hate this version of Link. I want canon Link back
Excitement filled Link's eyes.
ZeldaQueen: That must make it hard to see
Then he placed a hand on my belly. "How far along are you?" Link asked with excitement. "The healer said I was two months along." I replied. "I still cannot believe it. I'm going to be a daddy." Link added.
ZeldaQueen: I can believe it, because no one will shut up about it!
Seriously, Suethor, there's a time and a place for milking stuff like this
Link and I held each other for a long time. We were happy that we were going to have a baby.
ZeldaQueen: Well I sincerely hope that Jenna's going to actually be the one having it. Unless it's one of those fanfictions...
Excitement filled us both. I laid my head against Link's chest, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Lilly and Navi smiling in a way of saying, "Awe isn't that beautiful."
ZeldaQueen: Link's Queen, have you ever heard of "show, don't tell"? Or question marks, for that matter?
Also, FAIRIES DON'T HAVE MOUTHS! THEY CAN'T SMILE!
I felt a rush of happiness run through me.
ZeldaQueen: *sigh* PDORD Count = 18
I knew now that I was going to be complete. I had Link and now I was going to have his baby.
ZeldaQueen: YES, BECAUSE ALL WOMEN NEED TO FULFILL THEIR LIVES ARE MARRIAGE AND CHILDREN! And it's your baby too!
Link was now going to have that child he always wanted. We were truly blessed.
ZeldaQueen: I give up! So she's only having this baby because Link wants one? I swear to Christ, this Suethor must be actively trying to make Jenna as anti-feminist as possible
The next few days were not easy. The morning sickness hit when I got up in the morning and the dizziness would hit by mid afternoon.
ZeldaQueen: So you only start getting these symptoms after you get diagnosed? How utterly convenient
With Link's duties at the castle he was not able to remain at home with me like he wanted to.
ZeldaQueen: Well, at least someone is remembering that there's life outside of the Sue. And it's promptly played for "oh pity me!" angst. GAH!
But he left Navi and Lilly to watch over me.
ZeldaQueen: Because those two have been soo useful so far
Link did worry about me while he was away, but he knew that Lilly and Navi would take care of me.
ZeldaQueen: You already said that! PDORD Count = 20
It was the hottest part of the summer.
ZeldaQueen: Oh, so it's summer. Good for Link's Queen to throw us a timeline-related bone like that
About midday some of the villagers from Kakaraio village would gather into Lake Hylia.
ZeldaQueen: Underwater? How on earth do they breath? And what does this have to do with anything?
Inside the Lost Woods it was a little cooler, however sometimes the humidity would make going outside unbearable.
ZeldaQueen: Oh, poor you
From time to time I would got to the castle and visit with Princess Zelda or to watch Link in the practice yards, but during the days that it was too hot, I would remain home.
ZeldaQueen: And we still have the Suethor forgetting how freaking far Hyrule Castle is from the Lost Woods
And on the days Link stayed home we ourselves would go to Lake Hylia to cool off.
ZeldaQueen: Same with Lake Hylia. Granted there's a shortcut through Zora's Domain, but you need to go really deep underwater to get to the tunnels. I seriously doubt our wilting flower Sue could manage
After the hot months, in early fall Link and I talked about taking our relationship beyond our vows.
ZeldaQueen: What?
We wanted to bond ourselves together further then our marriage had.
ZeldaQueen: Excuse me? All you two ever go on about is how soo in luv you both are! And why are you only talking about this now? I don't think that most couples discuss this several months into their marriages
We found out that there was a Monastery just beyond Gerudo Valley where the Monks there preformed Pagan Bonding Ceremonies.
ZeldaQueen: Monks. Beyond the Gerudo Valley in the blistering desert. WELL, I JUST MUST HAVE MISSED THAT WHEN I WENT TO THE SPIRIT TEMPLE!
These rituals were preformed to bond married couples further then their marriage vows.
ZeldaQueen: Ohhh, I've seen those bonding rituals. It's nothing you haven't done before (well the part that's clearly important is, at least)
Link and I decided that we meant so much to each other that we wanted to do it together.
ZeldaQueen: Trust me, you've done it together already. Several times.
Good god are those two sickening sweethearts!
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ZeldaQueen: Tune in next time, for even worse mind-scarring sex. Bring plenty of Brain Bleach
Onward to: Chapter 6: The Bonding (Part 1)
Back to: Chapter 4: Back in Hyrule
Return to: Table of Content