My Inner Life: Chapter 6 - The Bonding (Part 2)
ZeldaQueen: Well, time's a-wasting so we'd best get started! Time to put an end to this horrendous ritual chapter, once and for all!
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 6: The Bonding (Part 2)
The Spiritual Bonding
ZeldaQueen: Will you hurry up and finish? This is freaking boring!
The next ritual was the spiritual bonding. After the details were told to us, the head monk called his two servants and they came with two colored pendants and bowls with colored liquid in them.
ZeldaQueen: Suethor, explain these things please! You’re just pulling this all out of your butt and we all know it!
And no, your footnotes don’t count. There’s no reason why you couldn’t just explain what the stuff is in the actual story. This isn’t The Illiad, it’s not like this was originally told in a time or place where people knew the stuff and modern audiences don’t
The two servants took the liquid and begun to drawl beautiful intricate patterns on our backs, arms and chests.
ZeldaQueen: Remember to paint within the lines there!
Then they put the pendant with the red stone around my neck, the blue one around Link's.
ZeldaQueen: One stone, two stone, red stone, blue stone
The two servants moved away, and we were told to embrace each other.
ZeldaQueen: Sweet Jebus, is there anything to these rituals than clinging to each other and getting aroused? They do all of this stuff anyway!
I moved over to Link and into his arms. I put my arms around his neck and closed my eyes. I heard the head monk start to chant again. And my mind clearing of all thoughts, as the void opened around me again.
ZeldaQueen: Blah, blah, blah, more boring stuff which we heard already. PDORD Count = 30
I heard Link's voice call out to me again in my mind. The erotic feeling filled my body, and I felt the warmth of Link's body against mine. I could feel Link inside me again. I felt his heart beating inside my chest, felt it beating along side mine. The feeling ran deeper, deeper into my soul. The stones were connecting our very souls together. I felt as if our bodies merged, felt as if our minds became one. I could hear Link's thoughts in the back of my mind like a distant voice. His thoughts rushed through me, his heart pounded in my chest.
ZeldaQueen: I swear to Sailor Spork, she just copied and pasted this all. Suethor, repeating this stuff over and over isn’t going to make people care about your stupid “relationship” with Link. It’s just going to make them bored
Then I felt myself rise out of my body.
ZeldaQueen: Woot! The Poltergust 3000 works great on Sues!
My sprit rose above me and I looked over and saw Link had done the same.
ZeldaQueen: I love how casual she is about how she and Link are both having out-of-the-body experiences
I went over to him. Merged with his spirit, became one. I became him, he became me. After we merged completely, our spirits separated and returned to our bodies, each carrying a part of each other's spirit. I felt our souls merge.
ZeldaQueen: Basically they had sex on the astral plane. Beautiful.
Nah, if it were sex there’d be more description than that. Which I find really amusing - really she puts such detail into her hot tiger sex but just gives us really casual sentences about merging spirits with Link?
Felt the connection between us, we were soul mates, we were always destined to be together.
ZeldaQueen: Jenna Silverblade, I sporked Breaking Dawn before this. Don’t even think about bringing up the concept of soul mates or I’ll kill you in very unpleasant ways and leave your body to be ravaged by horny Wolfos
I felt as if I had known him all my life. I learned many new things about him. Learned about his past. Learned about how he felt. I heard him call to me, heard him call me his world, call me his life. I knew now that he was deeply in love with me. I meant more to him then life itself. We were one. Now and forever.
ZeldaQueenn: *rips at hair* Okay, first of all really cheap cop-out there, Suethor. Instead of having Link and Jenna talk and date and get to know each other like normal people do, you just have them merge spirits or some garbage and she instantly knows everything about her. And notice that we still know nothing about Jenna. Either this is more of that anti-feminist garbage (the girl is just so unimportant that her past isn’t worth exploring) or a sign of how stupid of a character she is (the Suethor didn’t even bother figuring out a past for her).
Second of all, yes we get more of the “he’s the only one for me, I love him forever!” trash. Link’s Queen, here’s a tip - these things would mean more during a revelation if you didn’t tell us it all from the start! Jenna went on about how Link was the only one for her since the first day they met! How is this news?
Third of all, same with the “oh my goddess, Link loves me back! Now I know!” bull. We know he loves her back. All he ever tells her is how much he loves her, how beautiful he thinks she is, how she makes him feel like a man, how he is soo happy to start a family with her, etc. If she honestly wasn’t convinced that he loved her until now, then she’s got less brains than God gave driveway gravel
Then the void shattered.
ZeldaQueen: Because I got fed up and smashed with the Home Run Bat
I felt Link's hands stroking my hair and I opened my eyes.
ZeldaQueen: Wasn’t this already done during the honeymoon?
I looked deeply into them and saw how he felt in them. They flickered with passion, flickered with love. I leaned over and gently kissed him. I told him that I loved him and he was the most important thing in my life.
ZeldaQueen: WE KNOW! WE KNOW THAT YOUR LOVE IS THE DEEPEST AND MOST PURE AND NO ONE LOVES THE OTHER MORE THAN YOU DO! SHUT UP ABOUT IT AND ACTUALLY SHOW US HOW MUCH YOU LOVE EACH OTHER! AGAIN WITH THE TWILIGHT FLASHBACKS!
The head monk stopped chanting and we returned our attention to him. He looked at us and told us that the spiritual bonding was complete.
ZeldaQueen: (Head Monk) “Alright, you can stop making out now
He called his servants back and had them bring us some water.
ZeldaQueen: Um…why?
A minute later the two servants came back with two mugs filled with water. We were handed each a mug and I drank the water in large gulps.
ZeldaQueen: Were they thirsty? Were you going to tell us the point of this, Link’s Queen?
After we finished, the servants took the mugs away and left.
ZeldaQueen: This pointless nonsequitor is courtesy of insane fan girl Link’s Queen.
ZeldaQueen: Little something for every shipper in there.
And now we're at the really nasty part - the sexual bonding. So in comes our guest sporker, Kawaiicow! Everyone give him a big round of applause!
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Hey there, I’m Kawaiicow and welcome to this here sporking on behalf of Zelda_Queen. So sit back, relax and prepare yourself for Sues, sex and pedantry in My Inner Life chapter 6: The Bonding.
Next we were told that the final part of the ceremony was the sexual bonding. We were explained the rules. First off we had to have sex.
Really? I thought ‘sexual bonding’ meant hitting each other with sticks.
And since we completed the other rituals, the sexual bonding process should be easy, yet more intense. I was nervous about having sex in front of others,
Apart from the unfortunate readers of this fanfic.
but we were told that the only witness would be Mother Earth herself.
‘Mother Earth’, in Hyrule? Wouldn’t that be Din?
I held Link's hand as he stroked my hair and said everything would be ok. He was there with me.
That didn’t need to be two sentences; a comma would have been fine.
His words always made me feel better, so I calmed down. The head monk explained the requirements in completing the ritual then was gone.
Hang on, what rules were there? I got the sex part just fine, but what are the other requirements? (Probably to be as vanilla as possible.)
(Note from the future: Pretty much.)
Well, that was quick. On to the sex!
Then I turned and faced Link. I looked deeply into his eyes as he took his hand and brushed the stray hair out of my face. Then I took the tips of my fingers and ran them down his bare chest. A lulling feeling came over me. Link felt it too. Like a call of nature. He leaned over and gently pressed his lips on mine. We begun to kiss passionately, tasting the sweetness on each other's lips. Our tongues began to intertwine as we kissed deeper. Sexual thoughts begun to race through my mind again.
Come on, sexual thoughts never stop racing through you mind.
And I could feel Link's hands starting to caress my naked body, as his lips moved to my breasts.
Again, a comma would have done.
I let out soft moans of passion as new sensations begun to race threw me.
‘throw’
I felt Link's heart beginning to beat along side mine. And the feeling of being connected begun
‘began’
to race through me again, as I heard his every thought. I heard him in my mind, telling me that he wanted me, that he wanted to make love.
Then I felt him getting aroused, felt how much he wanted it. Strong intense feelings raced threw
Come on, you’ve spelt it right before!
my body, raced threw
I wish someone would throw you.
my bones. My body shook as sweat begun to form. And then I felt myself getting hotter, felt myself wanting him more and more. I wanted him, needed him. I wanted to feel him inside me. My body quivered and shook as his hand slowly went down, first to my thighs, then between my legs. Then I cried out in ecstasy as his fingers worked against my clitoris. It felt soo good. Felt soo intense.
I don’t even know how we are supposed to read those last two sentences, they’re really awkward. What’s a ‘soo’ anyway? Is she trying to emphasise ‘so’, because that only works in italics or in spoken language.
I arced my back and cried out in loud animal- like cries
That can’t be healthy.
as his fingers reached the entrance and slid deep inside...."Oh....my Goddesses....Link..more baby.....LINK!"
PORN SPEAK BOOYAH!
I screamed in pure ecstasy as his gentle steady thrusts made my legs quake.
Then I felt myself starting to climax as his fingers thrust deeper upping the movements.
Comma needed.
My body shuddered from the immense feelings that raged threw it.
Proofreading is not that hard.
I grabbed onto the ground my nails digging into the dirt as Link's fingers made my body scream in eternal bliss.
I’m trying to figure out how that works. It’s not a very good metaphor, is it?
I cried out as the surges came in raging pulses, and my body withered under his touch.
Eww. I really hope ‘withered’ was not what you were going for.
I begun
‘BEGAN’
to twist violently as the surges of pure ecstasy came in closer beats. Then when Link hit the right spot I let out a loud cat like cry....
MEOW!
"LINK!" I screamed as I reached my peak and gushed down his hand...........
Ellipses are three dots moron and in this situation another sentence is in order.
panting I got up and looked at him, his lips parted to say something but I placed a finger on them. I shook my finger then moved it away as he gently laid me down.
Then he climbed on top of me and I felt his member at my entrance . Slowly he penetrated my body and cries of eternal bliss escaped passed my lips.
You’ve said ‘eternal bliss’ before and it’s a stupid as the last time you used it.
As he moved inside me, my hips bucked up against his as we begun to find a rhythm. Slowly at first, then Link began to thrust deeper upping the movements. As we made hot love,
Ooh yeah baby, feel his hot, sweet love *grooves*.
I felt as if our bodies merged. Felt our hearts beating in unison.
Sentences! ARGH!
Our minds became one, and our souls connected. I heard his every thought, thoughts of love and passion. And I knew how I was making him feel. As he penetrated deeper inside me, it felt like nothing I had ever felt before.
I suppose pixel dong isn’t like silicon at all.
Then I started to call out his name in between cries of passion, and his breathing became faster. I felt his hot breath on my neck as he worked his lips there. With each thrust, strong pulses of pure ecstasy raced threw
:(
me. I bucked up against him, forcing him deeper inside me.
Our hips swiveled in unison as our bodies moved against each other. My body started convulsing as I felt myself starting to climax. Then his thrusts came in faster beats as he started to climax. Our cries filled the air as we both came to our peaks. Then he delivered the final thrust as he started to release a warmth inside me.
Like piss in a swimming pool? That was my image anyway and I’m sticking to it. You heard it here first folks, Link has pissed in her.
He let out a loud animal like cry as he delivered the hot liquid deep down inside my inner sanctum.
*Gigglesnort*
Then a strong feeling surged through my body, a feeling so intense that I screamed out Link's name as I peaked then had huge orgasm.
Had huge orgasm. Then hunt moose. Tasty moose me hit with club.
It felt soo
>(
good that I never wanted it to end. The feeling was so intense, we wanted to keep going, wanted to keep feeling the intensity of our lovemaking.
Repetition, repetition, repetition.
Exhausted, I screamed as I tried to find the strength(1) to go on. I clawed into Link's back as I bucked against him. Sweat rolled down our bodies as we fought(1) to climax a second time. I ran my now sweaty hands up and down his back digging my nails into his skin as I pushed up against him. Link too fought(2) to reach a second peak.
Don’t men usually get tired after ejaculating? Ease up girl, give him time to rest!
Fighting(3) with what strength(2) he had left, he thrust himself deeper inside my tired sweaty body, pushing to climax a second time. He screamed, cursed to find the strength(3) as his thrusts came in faster beats. His hands grabbed down on my sides, as he tried to steady himself. Then I felt the strength(4) leaving my body. Fighting for the strength(5), I screamed out in loud cat cries as I turned tigress.
Yowling like a cat is really not sexy.
I forced my trembling body up against his. Desperately trying to reach a second peak. I clawed deeper into his back as I cried out loudly like a tiger in heat. My back arced as I pushed in unison with his thrusts.
See? Repetition! And that was just one paragraph!
Then I felt myself starting to climax again. I cried out to Link, grunting like a female tiger to urge him on.
Three mentions of ‘tiger’ in as many lines is not good writing.
He returned my calls as cat like sounds escaped passed his lips.
Maybe all these animal calls are symptoms of a virus or a throat infection. Whatever it is, I hope it’s deadly.
Then I felt him beginning to climax again. We thrust against each other, our bodies trembling while crying like tigers mating as we came to a full climax and exploded
HORRAY!
together one last time.
Aww.
With one last gasp we fell to the ground painting, our bodies exhausted and dripping with sweat. I laid
‘lay’
against his tired body as I tried to catch my breath. We just laid there awhile shivering,
‘while’?
trying to regain our strength. I looked into Link's eyes as I heard him in my mind telling me that he enjoyed the experience. "I love you." I said to him telepathically. Then I leaned over and gently placed little kisses on his cheek while he held me in his sweaty arms. Finally I felt complete with him. We were now completed as one.
He’s mine, you hear! MINE!
Aaand cut! Well there you have it folks; the (in)famous bonding scene. So then, what did I think of this chapter?
Stylistically; this chapter was terribly written, rife with punctuation abuse (I know I can't talk but DAYUM!), multiple spelling errors and repetitive language. While thesaurus rape can never be justified (I'm looking at you Stephenie Meyer!), they can be useful sometimes! Alternately, you could just cut out a lot of what was said as most of it all of it was redundant.
Content wise; to be honest, I was expecting more squick. What I got was just a boring, silly and typical sex scene written in the style of the under 13 who watches too much porn (granted the PORN SPEAK was the best thing about this but I digress).
In conclusion; keep your Mary Sue fantasies in your head and seek therapy you scary, scary lady.
Thanks to Zelda_Queen for letting me spork this scene. Girl, I honestly don't know how you do it but I am sending you virtual!hugs and support. Fare thee well!
*Goes to cuddle Gamecube*.
ZeldaQueen: Thank you very much for the help, Kawaii. As always, it’s very much appreciated. *ships gift basket of chocolate and cookies*
ZeldaQueen: And that.
Well, one last bit here folks. Appropriately enough, it’s called…
The Final Stretch
ZeldaQueen: Ta-da!
A short time later the head monk returned to check on us.
ZeldaQueen: (Monk) “C’mon, is the Sue done cooking yet?"
We told him we were done,
ZeldaQueen: Ha! Baked until golden brown
and he checked to see if we completed the requirements. Satisfied that we did meet the requirements, he told us the sexual bonding was complete.
ZeldaQueen: Um, how would he figure something like that out. We’ve never been told what significance these rituals hold
We were led back into the Monastery and given robes to put on.
ZeldaQueen: Oh yeah, they were naked. At least Link’s Queen didn’t wave it around in our faces
He then informed us on the rules for a bonded couple. First we were told that a bond between a couple is sacred and special. It runs deeper then the vows they made. Since we were now a bonded couple, we had to understand that we were connected in this sacred way.
ZeldaQueen: Yes we get it, it’s sacred! Shut up about it! PDORD Count = 31
Its a bond that can never be broken, even after death.
ZeldaQueen: So if one person dies the other never gets over it and remains single and in perpetual mourning?
Hmm… *cough*TwilightSaga*cough*
Sorry, water went down the wrong pipe. Proceed
We should treasure the bond we share. And to remember that it was fate that brought us together.
ZeldaQueen: So here’s what I don’t get - how is this all any different than what they had before? It’s not like their marriage was failing or they were worried about the other being adulterous or anything. So what’s the point? Besides waving their Twu Wuv in our faces, that is
He called back his two servants and had them bring him something.
ZeldaQueen: (Head Monk) “Two aspirin and a whiskey sour. Sue sex really gives me a headache”
When they returned, I was told to hold out my left hand.
ZeldaQueen: And then they pulled out a huge knife and hacked her hand off at the wrist
The two monks fastened a (5)bondage bracelet around my wrist.
ZeldaQueen: Yay, more stuff for the Sue. Seriously though, doesn’t the name seem a bit…kinky?
And yes, there’s another one of those idiotic footnotes. What’s it say? “A Bondage Bracelet is a jeweled bracelet worn by the female to symbolize her joining to her husband. These bracelets are color coded to the male's earrings so to help prevent adultery and symbolize the female as already being mated.”
First of all, how does that prevent adultery? Unless someone sees the man and woman together, there’s nothing to prevent anyone from realizing the person is married. And what if the couple goes to a place where the symbolism of the bondage jewelry isn’t known? What then?
And why “mated”? Is the Suethor trying to make us think of Link and Jenna as animals?
The bracelet had a colored heart pattern. The chain that led from the bracelet ran up and in the middle was a smaller colored heart charm. The chain split in two at the top of the heart charm and attached at my ring and index fingers. The colors on each part of the bracelet matched. There was one small blue heart, two red hearts, and two more blue hearts. The smaller charm also had the same color pattern.
ZeldaQueen: So they bought it from Claire’s. Very classy
Next the monks attached (6)bondage earrings on Link's long pointed ears.
ZeldaQueen: At least she’s not saying how sexy his ears are.
And again with the footnotes. Here we go. “Bondage Earrings are worn by the male on his ears to symbolize his joining to his wife and are color coded to show rank, help prevent adultery and show that he is already mated. Both these items are not given until a married couple completes the Pagan Bonding ceremony.”
See above rant as to why these make no sense
I noticed as they were putting them on that the earrings also had the same color pattern as my bracelet. One blue earring was attached at the top of his left ear. Two red earrings on the lobe of his left ear and two blue earrings on the lobe of his right ear.
ZeldaQueen: Erm, Suethor? If you explain things in the text, then you don’t need to explain it again in the footnotes
After the earrings were attached to Link's ears, we were told that as a rule of a bonded couple we were never to remove the jewelry.
ZeldaQueen: Never? What about bathing or sleep? What about in case of frostbite? What about if it causes an allergic reaction and turns your skin green?
They were to symbolize that we were a bonded couple.
ZeldaQueen: Again, if you explain this here then there’s no need for footnotes
Though the bracelet and earrings were put on so bare hands could not remove them.
ZeldaQueen: First of all, how is that possible? Second of all, if that’s the case then why bother telling them never to take them off?
The head monk also explained that helps prevent adultery. When a couple completes the bonding ceremony, they must a hear to the rules.
ZeldaQueen: Never let it touch water, never let it in sunlight, and never feed it after midnight
First. (7)
ZeldaQueen: I’ll have a nice long rant at how sexist the rules to prevent adultery are in a second. First, let’s have a look at this footnote. “These are the rules for a couple that completes the bonding ceremony and becomes joined must follow. Negligence to these rules can result in serious consequences.”
We’re never told what said serious consequences are though, so there’s still no sense of how this actually prevents adultery. Do they fall dead on the spot or do they just get hunted down and scolded by the monks?
The man is not allowed to be alone with a bonded or non-bonded female unless his mate is present. Second. The woman is not allowed to be alone with a bonded or non bonded male unless her mate is present.
ZeldaQueen: Okay, how’s that special? Non-bonded couples do it too. And since there’s no mention of what the punishment is for breaking the rules, again I find myself wondering what’s stopping either of them from just sneaking off.
Also - so this first rule basically boils down to that Jenna can no longer visit with any men without Link present and Link can’t visit any women without Jenna present. It’s nice to see that they’ve got such a lovely, trusting relationship there. Yes, that lowers the chance of cheating, but it also makes the couple look incredibly suspicious and untrusting of one another. Plus, wouldn’t it also make the couple edgy and pressured?
And another thing, what if a bonded couple visited someone and one of the members of the couple was raped or had sex with this person while the other member of the couple watched. Stuff like that happens, you know
Third. When visiting with other bonded couples, both mates on both sides must be present.
ZeldaQueen: Wasn’t that covered above already?
Only exceptions. A bonded male can visit with another bonded or non bonded male(s) with out his mate present. A bonded female can visit with another bonded or non bonded female(s) without her mate present.
ZeldaQueen: Apparently homosexual sex has never crossed Link’s Queen’s mind. And is it just me, or does that exception smack of Victorian “ladies must have a chaperone in public” beliefs?
A Bonded male or female can go out into public without their mates present.
ZeldaQueen: Well I certainly hope so!
A bonded male or female can visit with family without their mates present.
ZeldaQueen: Again, Link’s Queen seems to have never heard of incest
And a bonded male or female can visit with higher authority (such as the king) without their mates present.
ZeldaQueen: Once more, what’s to stop said higher authority from having sex with the bonded male or female?
We all know why that one particular rule was set up though - Jenna wants to be able to meet with the King whenever she wants
Violation of these rules my result in serious consequences.
ZeldaQueen: IF YOU PUT IT IN THE STORY, DON’T PUT IT IN A FOOTNOTE!
The head monk said violators were looked down on.
ZeldaQueen: Looked down on? That’s it? So this is pretty much on the honors system?
If a couple already goes on that, why would they need this stupid ceremony?
Adultery was a serious offense. And anyone committing adultery could face serious charges.
ZeldaQueen: What is this, The Legend of Zelda: Law and Order?
And you may not know who is watching you.
ZeldaQueen: Like Big Brother
He said people from the Monastery visit Hyrule and other parts of the world. So you may never know when someone from the Monastery is watching you.
ZeldaQueen: So they spy on you. How very wonderful
They are taught how to tell bonded couples apart.
ZeldaQueen: THEY WEAR A BRACELET AND SET OF EARRINGS! IT DOESN’T SOUND THAT DIFFICULT!
Even thought there were a lot of rules to follow, I was glad to be bonded to Link.
ZeldaQueen: Well yeah, neither of you were ever in danger of committing adultery before! If it wasn’t a problem before, then it won’t be a problem when there’s a rule made about it
He meant everything to me, and having so many rules meant nothing. He was mine and I was his.
ZeldaQueen: This is starting to sound like some bizarre master/slave circular relationship
After the head monk finished explaining what we needed to know, we were told we could leave. He had our horses brought to the front and we were escorted to the front gate. We mounted the horses and headed for home.
ZeldaQueen: Thank God, it’s finally over!
ZeldaQueen: Hooray for fanart!
When we arrived back home Lilly and Navi were out front to greet us.
ZeldaQueen: What, the fairies weren’t with them? Well what good are those fluff balls then, aren’t they supposed to be protecting Link and Jenna? What if Ganondorf came back and attacked them while they were sexing?
Lilly came over to me after I dismounted.
ZeldaQueen: Look, you did that in the desert, can you hold off for a bit?
"How did it go?" Lilly asked. "That bracelet on your wrist sure is beautiful." Lilly smiled as she looked at the bracelet.
ZeldaQueen: If the Suethor mentions the fairies smiling one more time, I think I’m going to rip out my hair. And yes, we must fawn over the lovely things the Sue was given
"I loved it Lilly, I feel closer to Link now then I did before. We now are a part of each other." I said as Lilly smiled at me and winked.
ZeldaQueen: Oh my - HOW CAN THE FAIRIES WINK? THEY DON’T HAVE EYES! THAT DOES IT! *YANKS OUT CHUNK OF HAIR*
"The bracelet is a symbol of our bonding. It is to show that we are connected." I said as I smiled at her.
ZeldaQueen: Like branding cattle
Lilly flew around my head then flew over to my hand to look at the bracelet more closely. "What is with the color pattern."
ZeldaQueen: It’s a system to warn us how dangerous a Sue is
"The same pattern appears on both charms." She said as she looked the bracelet over.
ZeldaQueen: Captain Obvious, to the rescue!
"The colors represent that I am Link's mate and vise versa.
ZeldaQueen: And that’s not creepy or possessive at all
"What did Link get?" Lilly asked.
ZeldaQueen: Can’t the stupid thing just look for herself?
"He got earrings with the same color pattern as my bracelet." Then Lilly flew over to Link to see his earrings, and Navi came over to see me.
ZeldaQueen: I hate Sue fawning. Just thought I’d toss that out there
She looked at my bracelet then smiled at me. She gave me a wink before we all went into the house.
ZeldaQueen: *RAGE*
Link and I went to go bathe together while Navi and Lilly ushered the horses to the stable.
ZeldaQueen: They’re fairies! They’re tiny balls of light! How do they get horses into a stable? Okay Link’s Queen, I refuse to believe you played the game at all
After we bathed each other and got dressed, we went down stairs to relax for the evening.
ZeldaQueen: Back to Happy Sitcom Land
We decided that since it was cool out, we were going to sit outside on the porch swing and enjoy the night together.
ZeldaQueen: They have a porch swing? What?
Link and I sat down on the swing and I cuddled into his arms. Navi and Lilly floated by our heads. It was so peaceful out. The air fresh and clean. Sweet smells of past spring still lingered in the fall air. And the sounds of the crickets filled the night air. Their soft chirping lulled me to sleep in Link's arms.
ZeldaQueen: And this is boring as heck!
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ZeldaQueen: Well, this chapter was certainly God-awful. Still, at least it's over and - what's that?
Link: *entering* Hey, I heard you were sporking a Legend of Zelda fanfic. Why wasn't I invited?
ZeldaQueen: No reason! Go away! How did he get in?
Projection Room Voices: Hmm, the lock must have broken when our least sporker had a nervous breakdown.
ZeldaQueen: That's just great. Link, you don't want to spork this! Trust me!
Link: Oh get real, how bad could it - *sees the screen* What? "Pagan Bonding Ceremony"? "Soulmates"? What's that Kawaiicow guy sporking? WHAT THE FUCK!!!
ZeldaQueen: Oh shit! *quickly to camera, as Link starts to trash room* See you guys next session!
Onward to: Chapter 7: A Few Loose Ends
Back to: Chapter 6: The Bonding (Part 1)
Return to: Table of Content
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 6: The Bonding (Part 2)
The Spiritual Bonding
ZeldaQueen: Will you hurry up and finish? This is freaking boring!
The next ritual was the spiritual bonding. After the details were told to us, the head monk called his two servants and they came with two colored pendants and bowls with colored liquid in them.
ZeldaQueen: Suethor, explain these things please! You’re just pulling this all out of your butt and we all know it!
And no, your footnotes don’t count. There’s no reason why you couldn’t just explain what the stuff is in the actual story. This isn’t The Illiad, it’s not like this was originally told in a time or place where people knew the stuff and modern audiences don’t
The two servants took the liquid and begun to drawl beautiful intricate patterns on our backs, arms and chests.
ZeldaQueen: Remember to paint within the lines there!
Then they put the pendant with the red stone around my neck, the blue one around Link's.
ZeldaQueen: One stone, two stone, red stone, blue stone
The two servants moved away, and we were told to embrace each other.
ZeldaQueen: Sweet Jebus, is there anything to these rituals than clinging to each other and getting aroused? They do all of this stuff anyway!
I moved over to Link and into his arms. I put my arms around his neck and closed my eyes. I heard the head monk start to chant again. And my mind clearing of all thoughts, as the void opened around me again.
ZeldaQueen: Blah, blah, blah, more boring stuff which we heard already. PDORD Count = 30
I heard Link's voice call out to me again in my mind. The erotic feeling filled my body, and I felt the warmth of Link's body against mine. I could feel Link inside me again. I felt his heart beating inside my chest, felt it beating along side mine. The feeling ran deeper, deeper into my soul. The stones were connecting our very souls together. I felt as if our bodies merged, felt as if our minds became one. I could hear Link's thoughts in the back of my mind like a distant voice. His thoughts rushed through me, his heart pounded in my chest.
ZeldaQueen: I swear to Sailor Spork, she just copied and pasted this all. Suethor, repeating this stuff over and over isn’t going to make people care about your stupid “relationship” with Link. It’s just going to make them bored
Then I felt myself rise out of my body.
ZeldaQueen: Woot! The Poltergust 3000 works great on Sues!
My sprit rose above me and I looked over and saw Link had done the same.
ZeldaQueen: I love how casual she is about how she and Link are both having out-of-the-body experiences
I went over to him. Merged with his spirit, became one. I became him, he became me. After we merged completely, our spirits separated and returned to our bodies, each carrying a part of each other's spirit. I felt our souls merge.
ZeldaQueen: Basically they had sex on the astral plane. Beautiful.
Nah, if it were sex there’d be more description than that. Which I find really amusing - really she puts such detail into her hot tiger sex but just gives us really casual sentences about merging spirits with Link?
Felt the connection between us, we were soul mates, we were always destined to be together.
ZeldaQueen: Jenna Silverblade, I sporked Breaking Dawn before this. Don’t even think about bringing up the concept of soul mates or I’ll kill you in very unpleasant ways and leave your body to be ravaged by horny Wolfos
I felt as if I had known him all my life. I learned many new things about him. Learned about his past. Learned about how he felt. I heard him call to me, heard him call me his world, call me his life. I knew now that he was deeply in love with me. I meant more to him then life itself. We were one. Now and forever.
ZeldaQueenn: *rips at hair* Okay, first of all really cheap cop-out there, Suethor. Instead of having Link and Jenna talk and date and get to know each other like normal people do, you just have them merge spirits or some garbage and she instantly knows everything about her. And notice that we still know nothing about Jenna. Either this is more of that anti-feminist garbage (the girl is just so unimportant that her past isn’t worth exploring) or a sign of how stupid of a character she is (the Suethor didn’t even bother figuring out a past for her).
Second of all, yes we get more of the “he’s the only one for me, I love him forever!” trash. Link’s Queen, here’s a tip - these things would mean more during a revelation if you didn’t tell us it all from the start! Jenna went on about how Link was the only one for her since the first day they met! How is this news?
Third of all, same with the “oh my goddess, Link loves me back! Now I know!” bull. We know he loves her back. All he ever tells her is how much he loves her, how beautiful he thinks she is, how she makes him feel like a man, how he is soo happy to start a family with her, etc. If she honestly wasn’t convinced that he loved her until now, then she’s got less brains than God gave driveway gravel
Then the void shattered.
ZeldaQueen: Because I got fed up and smashed with the Home Run Bat
I felt Link's hands stroking my hair and I opened my eyes.
ZeldaQueen: Wasn’t this already done during the honeymoon?
I looked deeply into them and saw how he felt in them. They flickered with passion, flickered with love. I leaned over and gently kissed him. I told him that I loved him and he was the most important thing in my life.
ZeldaQueen: WE KNOW! WE KNOW THAT YOUR LOVE IS THE DEEPEST AND MOST PURE AND NO ONE LOVES THE OTHER MORE THAN YOU DO! SHUT UP ABOUT IT AND ACTUALLY SHOW US HOW MUCH YOU LOVE EACH OTHER! AGAIN WITH THE TWILIGHT FLASHBACKS!
The head monk stopped chanting and we returned our attention to him. He looked at us and told us that the spiritual bonding was complete.
ZeldaQueen: (Head Monk) “Alright, you can stop making out now
He called his servants back and had them bring us some water.
ZeldaQueen: Um…why?
A minute later the two servants came back with two mugs filled with water. We were handed each a mug and I drank the water in large gulps.
ZeldaQueen: Were they thirsty? Were you going to tell us the point of this, Link’s Queen?
After we finished, the servants took the mugs away and left.
ZeldaQueen: This pointless nonsequitor is courtesy of insane fan girl Link’s Queen.
ZeldaQueen: Little something for every shipper in there.
And now we're at the really nasty part - the sexual bonding. So in comes our guest sporker, Kawaiicow! Everyone give him a big round of applause!
---
Hey there, I’m Kawaiicow and welcome to this here sporking on behalf of Zelda_Queen. So sit back, relax and prepare yourself for Sues, sex and pedantry in My Inner Life chapter 6: The Bonding.
Next we were told that the final part of the ceremony was the sexual bonding. We were explained the rules. First off we had to have sex.
Really? I thought ‘sexual bonding’ meant hitting each other with sticks.
And since we completed the other rituals, the sexual bonding process should be easy, yet more intense. I was nervous about having sex in front of others,
Apart from the unfortunate readers of this fanfic.
but we were told that the only witness would be Mother Earth herself.
‘Mother Earth’, in Hyrule? Wouldn’t that be Din?
I held Link's hand as he stroked my hair and said everything would be ok. He was there with me.
That didn’t need to be two sentences; a comma would have been fine.
His words always made me feel better, so I calmed down. The head monk explained the requirements in completing the ritual then was gone.
Hang on, what rules were there? I got the sex part just fine, but what are the other requirements? (Probably to be as vanilla as possible.)
(Note from the future: Pretty much.)
Well, that was quick. On to the sex!
Then I turned and faced Link. I looked deeply into his eyes as he took his hand and brushed the stray hair out of my face. Then I took the tips of my fingers and ran them down his bare chest. A lulling feeling came over me. Link felt it too. Like a call of nature. He leaned over and gently pressed his lips on mine. We begun to kiss passionately, tasting the sweetness on each other's lips. Our tongues began to intertwine as we kissed deeper. Sexual thoughts begun to race through my mind again.
Come on, sexual thoughts never stop racing through you mind.
And I could feel Link's hands starting to caress my naked body, as his lips moved to my breasts.
Again, a comma would have done.
I let out soft moans of passion as new sensations begun to race threw me.
‘throw’
I felt Link's heart beginning to beat along side mine. And the feeling of being connected begun
‘began’
to race through me again, as I heard his every thought. I heard him in my mind, telling me that he wanted me, that he wanted to make love.
Then I felt him getting aroused, felt how much he wanted it. Strong intense feelings raced threw
Come on, you’ve spelt it right before!
my body, raced threw
I wish someone would throw you.
my bones. My body shook as sweat begun to form. And then I felt myself getting hotter, felt myself wanting him more and more. I wanted him, needed him. I wanted to feel him inside me. My body quivered and shook as his hand slowly went down, first to my thighs, then between my legs. Then I cried out in ecstasy as his fingers worked against my clitoris. It felt soo good. Felt soo intense.
I don’t even know how we are supposed to read those last two sentences, they’re really awkward. What’s a ‘soo’ anyway? Is she trying to emphasise ‘so’, because that only works in italics or in spoken language.
I arced my back and cried out in loud animal- like cries
That can’t be healthy.
as his fingers reached the entrance and slid deep inside...."Oh....my Goddesses....Link..more baby.....LINK!"
PORN SPEAK BOOYAH!
I screamed in pure ecstasy as his gentle steady thrusts made my legs quake.
Then I felt myself starting to climax as his fingers thrust deeper upping the movements.
Comma needed.
My body shuddered from the immense feelings that raged threw it.
Proofreading is not that hard.
I grabbed onto the ground my nails digging into the dirt as Link's fingers made my body scream in eternal bliss.
I’m trying to figure out how that works. It’s not a very good metaphor, is it?
I cried out as the surges came in raging pulses, and my body withered under his touch.
Eww. I really hope ‘withered’ was not what you were going for.
I begun
‘BEGAN’
to twist violently as the surges of pure ecstasy came in closer beats. Then when Link hit the right spot I let out a loud cat like cry....
MEOW!
"LINK!" I screamed as I reached my peak and gushed down his hand...........
Ellipses are three dots moron and in this situation another sentence is in order.
panting I got up and looked at him, his lips parted to say something but I placed a finger on them. I shook my finger then moved it away as he gently laid me down.
Then he climbed on top of me and I felt his member at my entrance . Slowly he penetrated my body and cries of eternal bliss escaped passed my lips.
You’ve said ‘eternal bliss’ before and it’s a stupid as the last time you used it.
As he moved inside me, my hips bucked up against his as we begun to find a rhythm. Slowly at first, then Link began to thrust deeper upping the movements. As we made hot love,
Ooh yeah baby, feel his hot, sweet love *grooves*.
I felt as if our bodies merged. Felt our hearts beating in unison.
Sentences! ARGH!
Our minds became one, and our souls connected. I heard his every thought, thoughts of love and passion. And I knew how I was making him feel. As he penetrated deeper inside me, it felt like nothing I had ever felt before.
I suppose pixel dong isn’t like silicon at all.
Then I started to call out his name in between cries of passion, and his breathing became faster. I felt his hot breath on my neck as he worked his lips there. With each thrust, strong pulses of pure ecstasy raced threw
:(
me. I bucked up against him, forcing him deeper inside me.
Our hips swiveled in unison as our bodies moved against each other. My body started convulsing as I felt myself starting to climax. Then his thrusts came in faster beats as he started to climax. Our cries filled the air as we both came to our peaks. Then he delivered the final thrust as he started to release a warmth inside me.
Like piss in a swimming pool? That was my image anyway and I’m sticking to it. You heard it here first folks, Link has pissed in her.
He let out a loud animal like cry as he delivered the hot liquid deep down inside my inner sanctum.
*Gigglesnort*
Then a strong feeling surged through my body, a feeling so intense that I screamed out Link's name as I peaked then had huge orgasm.
Had huge orgasm. Then hunt moose. Tasty moose me hit with club.
It felt soo
>(
good that I never wanted it to end. The feeling was so intense, we wanted to keep going, wanted to keep feeling the intensity of our lovemaking.
Repetition, repetition, repetition.
Exhausted, I screamed as I tried to find the strength(1) to go on. I clawed into Link's back as I bucked against him. Sweat rolled down our bodies as we fought(1) to climax a second time. I ran my now sweaty hands up and down his back digging my nails into his skin as I pushed up against him. Link too fought(2) to reach a second peak.
Don’t men usually get tired after ejaculating? Ease up girl, give him time to rest!
Fighting(3) with what strength(2) he had left, he thrust himself deeper inside my tired sweaty body, pushing to climax a second time. He screamed, cursed to find the strength(3) as his thrusts came in faster beats. His hands grabbed down on my sides, as he tried to steady himself. Then I felt the strength(4) leaving my body. Fighting for the strength(5), I screamed out in loud cat cries as I turned tigress.
Yowling like a cat is really not sexy.
I forced my trembling body up against his. Desperately trying to reach a second peak. I clawed deeper into his back as I cried out loudly like a tiger in heat. My back arced as I pushed in unison with his thrusts.
See? Repetition! And that was just one paragraph!
Then I felt myself starting to climax again. I cried out to Link, grunting like a female tiger to urge him on.
Three mentions of ‘tiger’ in as many lines is not good writing.
He returned my calls as cat like sounds escaped passed his lips.
Maybe all these animal calls are symptoms of a virus or a throat infection. Whatever it is, I hope it’s deadly.
Then I felt him beginning to climax again. We thrust against each other, our bodies trembling while crying like tigers mating as we came to a full climax and exploded
HORRAY!
together one last time.
Aww.
With one last gasp we fell to the ground painting, our bodies exhausted and dripping with sweat. I laid
‘lay’
against his tired body as I tried to catch my breath. We just laid there awhile shivering,
‘while’?
trying to regain our strength. I looked into Link's eyes as I heard him in my mind telling me that he enjoyed the experience. "I love you." I said to him telepathically. Then I leaned over and gently placed little kisses on his cheek while he held me in his sweaty arms. Finally I felt complete with him. We were now completed as one.
He’s mine, you hear! MINE!
Aaand cut! Well there you have it folks; the (in)famous bonding scene. So then, what did I think of this chapter?
Stylistically; this chapter was terribly written, rife with punctuation abuse (I know I can't talk but DAYUM!), multiple spelling errors and repetitive language. While thesaurus rape can never be justified (I'm looking at you Stephenie Meyer!), they can be useful sometimes! Alternately, you could just cut out a lot of what was said as most of it all of it was redundant.
Content wise; to be honest, I was expecting more squick. What I got was just a boring, silly and typical sex scene written in the style of the under 13 who watches too much porn (granted the PORN SPEAK was the best thing about this but I digress).
In conclusion; keep your Mary Sue fantasies in your head and seek therapy you scary, scary lady.
Thanks to Zelda_Queen for letting me spork this scene. Girl, I honestly don't know how you do it but I am sending you virtual!hugs and support. Fare thee well!
*Goes to cuddle Gamecube*.
ZeldaQueen: Thank you very much for the help, Kawaii. As always, it’s very much appreciated. *ships gift basket of chocolate and cookies*
ZeldaQueen: And that.
Well, one last bit here folks. Appropriately enough, it’s called…
The Final Stretch
ZeldaQueen: Ta-da!
A short time later the head monk returned to check on us.
ZeldaQueen: (Monk) “C’mon, is the Sue done cooking yet?"
We told him we were done,
ZeldaQueen: Ha! Baked until golden brown
and he checked to see if we completed the requirements. Satisfied that we did meet the requirements, he told us the sexual bonding was complete.
ZeldaQueen: Um, how would he figure something like that out. We’ve never been told what significance these rituals hold
We were led back into the Monastery and given robes to put on.
ZeldaQueen: Oh yeah, they were naked. At least Link’s Queen didn’t wave it around in our faces
He then informed us on the rules for a bonded couple. First we were told that a bond between a couple is sacred and special. It runs deeper then the vows they made. Since we were now a bonded couple, we had to understand that we were connected in this sacred way.
ZeldaQueen: Yes we get it, it’s sacred! Shut up about it! PDORD Count = 31
Its a bond that can never be broken, even after death.
ZeldaQueen: So if one person dies the other never gets over it and remains single and in perpetual mourning?
Hmm… *cough*TwilightSaga*cough*
Sorry, water went down the wrong pipe. Proceed
We should treasure the bond we share. And to remember that it was fate that brought us together.
ZeldaQueen: So here’s what I don’t get - how is this all any different than what they had before? It’s not like their marriage was failing or they were worried about the other being adulterous or anything. So what’s the point? Besides waving their Twu Wuv in our faces, that is
He called back his two servants and had them bring him something.
ZeldaQueen: (Head Monk) “Two aspirin and a whiskey sour. Sue sex really gives me a headache”
When they returned, I was told to hold out my left hand.
ZeldaQueen: And then they pulled out a huge knife and hacked her hand off at the wrist
The two monks fastened a (5)bondage bracelet around my wrist.
ZeldaQueen: Yay, more stuff for the Sue. Seriously though, doesn’t the name seem a bit…kinky?
And yes, there’s another one of those idiotic footnotes. What’s it say? “A Bondage Bracelet is a jeweled bracelet worn by the female to symbolize her joining to her husband. These bracelets are color coded to the male's earrings so to help prevent adultery and symbolize the female as already being mated.”
First of all, how does that prevent adultery? Unless someone sees the man and woman together, there’s nothing to prevent anyone from realizing the person is married. And what if the couple goes to a place where the symbolism of the bondage jewelry isn’t known? What then?
And why “mated”? Is the Suethor trying to make us think of Link and Jenna as animals?
The bracelet had a colored heart pattern. The chain that led from the bracelet ran up and in the middle was a smaller colored heart charm. The chain split in two at the top of the heart charm and attached at my ring and index fingers. The colors on each part of the bracelet matched. There was one small blue heart, two red hearts, and two more blue hearts. The smaller charm also had the same color pattern.
ZeldaQueen: So they bought it from Claire’s. Very classy
Next the monks attached (6)bondage earrings on Link's long pointed ears.
ZeldaQueen: At least she’s not saying how sexy his ears are.
And again with the footnotes. Here we go. “Bondage Earrings are worn by the male on his ears to symbolize his joining to his wife and are color coded to show rank, help prevent adultery and show that he is already mated. Both these items are not given until a married couple completes the Pagan Bonding ceremony.”
See above rant as to why these make no sense
I noticed as they were putting them on that the earrings also had the same color pattern as my bracelet. One blue earring was attached at the top of his left ear. Two red earrings on the lobe of his left ear and two blue earrings on the lobe of his right ear.
ZeldaQueen: Erm, Suethor? If you explain things in the text, then you don’t need to explain it again in the footnotes
After the earrings were attached to Link's ears, we were told that as a rule of a bonded couple we were never to remove the jewelry.
ZeldaQueen: Never? What about bathing or sleep? What about in case of frostbite? What about if it causes an allergic reaction and turns your skin green?
They were to symbolize that we were a bonded couple.
ZeldaQueen: Again, if you explain this here then there’s no need for footnotes
Though the bracelet and earrings were put on so bare hands could not remove them.
ZeldaQueen: First of all, how is that possible? Second of all, if that’s the case then why bother telling them never to take them off?
The head monk also explained that helps prevent adultery. When a couple completes the bonding ceremony, they must a hear to the rules.
ZeldaQueen: Never let it touch water, never let it in sunlight, and never feed it after midnight
First. (7)
ZeldaQueen: I’ll have a nice long rant at how sexist the rules to prevent adultery are in a second. First, let’s have a look at this footnote. “These are the rules for a couple that completes the bonding ceremony and becomes joined must follow. Negligence to these rules can result in serious consequences.”
We’re never told what said serious consequences are though, so there’s still no sense of how this actually prevents adultery. Do they fall dead on the spot or do they just get hunted down and scolded by the monks?
The man is not allowed to be alone with a bonded or non-bonded female unless his mate is present. Second. The woman is not allowed to be alone with a bonded or non bonded male unless her mate is present.
ZeldaQueen: Okay, how’s that special? Non-bonded couples do it too. And since there’s no mention of what the punishment is for breaking the rules, again I find myself wondering what’s stopping either of them from just sneaking off.
Also - so this first rule basically boils down to that Jenna can no longer visit with any men without Link present and Link can’t visit any women without Jenna present. It’s nice to see that they’ve got such a lovely, trusting relationship there. Yes, that lowers the chance of cheating, but it also makes the couple look incredibly suspicious and untrusting of one another. Plus, wouldn’t it also make the couple edgy and pressured?
And another thing, what if a bonded couple visited someone and one of the members of the couple was raped or had sex with this person while the other member of the couple watched. Stuff like that happens, you know
Third. When visiting with other bonded couples, both mates on both sides must be present.
ZeldaQueen: Wasn’t that covered above already?
Only exceptions. A bonded male can visit with another bonded or non bonded male(s) with out his mate present. A bonded female can visit with another bonded or non bonded female(s) without her mate present.
ZeldaQueen: Apparently homosexual sex has never crossed Link’s Queen’s mind. And is it just me, or does that exception smack of Victorian “ladies must have a chaperone in public” beliefs?
A Bonded male or female can go out into public without their mates present.
ZeldaQueen: Well I certainly hope so!
A bonded male or female can visit with family without their mates present.
ZeldaQueen: Again, Link’s Queen seems to have never heard of incest
And a bonded male or female can visit with higher authority (such as the king) without their mates present.
ZeldaQueen: Once more, what’s to stop said higher authority from having sex with the bonded male or female?
We all know why that one particular rule was set up though - Jenna wants to be able to meet with the King whenever she wants
Violation of these rules my result in serious consequences.
ZeldaQueen: IF YOU PUT IT IN THE STORY, DON’T PUT IT IN A FOOTNOTE!
The head monk said violators were looked down on.
ZeldaQueen: Looked down on? That’s it? So this is pretty much on the honors system?
If a couple already goes on that, why would they need this stupid ceremony?
Adultery was a serious offense. And anyone committing adultery could face serious charges.
ZeldaQueen: What is this, The Legend of Zelda: Law and Order?
And you may not know who is watching you.
ZeldaQueen: Like Big Brother
He said people from the Monastery visit Hyrule and other parts of the world. So you may never know when someone from the Monastery is watching you.
ZeldaQueen: So they spy on you. How very wonderful
They are taught how to tell bonded couples apart.
ZeldaQueen: THEY WEAR A BRACELET AND SET OF EARRINGS! IT DOESN’T SOUND THAT DIFFICULT!
Even thought there were a lot of rules to follow, I was glad to be bonded to Link.
ZeldaQueen: Well yeah, neither of you were ever in danger of committing adultery before! If it wasn’t a problem before, then it won’t be a problem when there’s a rule made about it
He meant everything to me, and having so many rules meant nothing. He was mine and I was his.
ZeldaQueen: This is starting to sound like some bizarre master/slave circular relationship
After the head monk finished explaining what we needed to know, we were told we could leave. He had our horses brought to the front and we were escorted to the front gate. We mounted the horses and headed for home.
ZeldaQueen: Thank God, it’s finally over!
ZeldaQueen: Hooray for fanart!
When we arrived back home Lilly and Navi were out front to greet us.
ZeldaQueen: What, the fairies weren’t with them? Well what good are those fluff balls then, aren’t they supposed to be protecting Link and Jenna? What if Ganondorf came back and attacked them while they were sexing?
Lilly came over to me after I dismounted.
ZeldaQueen: Look, you did that in the desert, can you hold off for a bit?
"How did it go?" Lilly asked. "That bracelet on your wrist sure is beautiful." Lilly smiled as she looked at the bracelet.
ZeldaQueen: If the Suethor mentions the fairies smiling one more time, I think I’m going to rip out my hair. And yes, we must fawn over the lovely things the Sue was given
"I loved it Lilly, I feel closer to Link now then I did before. We now are a part of each other." I said as Lilly smiled at me and winked.
ZeldaQueen: Oh my - HOW CAN THE FAIRIES WINK? THEY DON’T HAVE EYES! THAT DOES IT! *YANKS OUT CHUNK OF HAIR*
"The bracelet is a symbol of our bonding. It is to show that we are connected." I said as I smiled at her.
ZeldaQueen: Like branding cattle
Lilly flew around my head then flew over to my hand to look at the bracelet more closely. "What is with the color pattern."
ZeldaQueen: It’s a system to warn us how dangerous a Sue is
"The same pattern appears on both charms." She said as she looked the bracelet over.
ZeldaQueen: Captain Obvious, to the rescue!
"The colors represent that I am Link's mate and vise versa.
ZeldaQueen: And that’s not creepy or possessive at all
"What did Link get?" Lilly asked.
ZeldaQueen: Can’t the stupid thing just look for herself?
"He got earrings with the same color pattern as my bracelet." Then Lilly flew over to Link to see his earrings, and Navi came over to see me.
ZeldaQueen: I hate Sue fawning. Just thought I’d toss that out there
She looked at my bracelet then smiled at me. She gave me a wink before we all went into the house.
ZeldaQueen: *RAGE*
Link and I went to go bathe together while Navi and Lilly ushered the horses to the stable.
ZeldaQueen: They’re fairies! They’re tiny balls of light! How do they get horses into a stable? Okay Link’s Queen, I refuse to believe you played the game at all
After we bathed each other and got dressed, we went down stairs to relax for the evening.
ZeldaQueen: Back to Happy Sitcom Land
We decided that since it was cool out, we were going to sit outside on the porch swing and enjoy the night together.
ZeldaQueen: They have a porch swing? What?
Link and I sat down on the swing and I cuddled into his arms. Navi and Lilly floated by our heads. It was so peaceful out. The air fresh and clean. Sweet smells of past spring still lingered in the fall air. And the sounds of the crickets filled the night air. Their soft chirping lulled me to sleep in Link's arms.
ZeldaQueen: And this is boring as heck!
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ZeldaQueen: Well, this chapter was certainly God-awful. Still, at least it's over and - what's that?
Link: *entering* Hey, I heard you were sporking a Legend of Zelda fanfic. Why wasn't I invited?
ZeldaQueen: No reason! Go away! How did he get in?
Projection Room Voices: Hmm, the lock must have broken when our least sporker had a nervous breakdown.
ZeldaQueen: That's just great. Link, you don't want to spork this! Trust me!
Link: Oh get real, how bad could it - *sees the screen* What? "Pagan Bonding Ceremony"? "Soulmates"? What's that Kawaiicow guy sporking? WHAT THE FUCK!!!
ZeldaQueen: Oh shit! *quickly to camera, as Link starts to trash room* See you guys next session!
Onward to: Chapter 7: A Few Loose Ends
Back to: Chapter 6: The Bonding (Part 1)
Return to: Table of Content