My Inner Life: Chapter 8 - The Separation
ZeldaQueen: Well, I'm back and so is Link and we've got more of the epic sucky mediocre tale of Jenna. I won't lie to you folks, this chapter and the next one or two really steam my clams. I mean, I know we just had the God-awful sex and all, but there's going to be a lot of insane entitlement here and that's what I really hate in this
Link: Enough talk! Start the damned thing already!
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 8: The Separation
The Separation
ZeldaQueen: Woot! Is someone going to forcibly separate Jeann-the-parasite from Link?
One day I was visiting with Princess Zelda at the castle when she got word from her father that a war had started in one of our allied lands.
Link: Ah yes, because wars so frequently happen when there’s only one land in the game
The King decided to send in some of his knights and one of the legions he was sending was Link's.
ZeldaQueen: Um, legions are foot soldiers, not knights
Link: And I didn’t lead any of them! Why does this stupid bint keep insisting I did?
ZeldaQueen: Convenience. If you weren’t in the service of the king, she wouldn’t have an excuse to horn in as much as she does
Link: Isn’t she already Zelda’s “best friend”? What more does she need?
ZeldaQueen: *ominous stare* Oh, you’ll see in a few chapters
My face turned white as a sheet.
Link: Wow, quite the talent to know what your own face looks like without a mirror
I knew that affairs like these could keep the men away for months.
ZeldaQueen: *snort* WHAT? Great, now she’s Scarlet O’ Jenna
Link: “Oh mah stars, whatever shall ah do without the men around? I do believe ah have the vapors!”
Since he was the captain of his legion he had to go.
Link: Good news! I’m not the captain of any of the King’s legions. I don’t even know the bastard. And even better news (for me anyway) - I’m not married to you! HA!
When Princess Zelda saw how upset I was she tried to comfort me, but I couldn't help thinking that Link might miss the birth of our first child.
ZeldaQueen: *sputters* I - she - that is so selfish! Ignoring the fact that Zelda cares more for the Sue’s sorrows than the fact that her land is going to war, Jenna apparently doesn’t care that an unknown number of people will be dying because of this. All she cares about is that her husband won’t be around to see their brat being born! Why am I supposed to like her?
When I explained my concerns to her, she told me that in the event if I was to give birth before Link was to return home, her father would have him brought home.
ZeldaQueen: *sputters again* EXCUSE ME?!?
Link: Wow. That is just amazing. So apparently I’m just so important that I have to go off to lead tropes into war and yet the King is willing to pull me off of the battlefield at any point just so I can watch my wife giving birth?
ZeldaQueen: ENTITLEMENT WHORE!
After she told me that I started to feel a little better, but it was the separation that was bothering me.
ZeldaQueen: JESUS CHRIST, this is Twilight all over again! If she gets a hole in her chest during the time when he’s away, I quit!
I knew that spending such a great amount of time apart would be hard.
Link: (Sue) “I mean, it’s not like I lived my untold years of life alone before I met him!”
I didn't want to get lonely.
ZeldaQueen: And I’m sure that there are countless wives and family members of the other soldiers who feel the same way! Suck it up girly, the world doesn’t revolve around you!
Link: Much as I hate to say this, it kind of looks like it does
ZeldaQueen: WELL IT SHOULDN’T!
We had been together for five months and married for two and never spent much of that time apart.
ZeldaQueen: What? I thought that they were only together for two months before getting married. This makes no sense!
Link: This is madness! No! THIS! IS! MY INNER LIFE!
"Would this long separation period stress me out?" I thought to myself.
ZeldaQueen: (Sue) “Can I, like, totally survive on my own?”
When I got home I was mopey.
Link: “Mopey”. Yep, that fits right on in with the Ye Olde English she’d been having everyone emulate before
ZeldaQueen: Um Suethor, you do know that “mopey” usually has negative connotations? As in, you’re implying that your Sue is sulking?
I knew Link would have to leave soon and then I was going to miss him. I wished that he did not have to leave.
Link: For the love of the goddesses, I’m apparently going off to war, not a business trip!
ZeldaQueen: I know. She sounds like I used to when I heard my dad had to go off to Germany for company work. Except that I was about five when that happened
When he came home, he delivered the bad news.
Link: Bad news, sweetie. I CAN DO BETTER! *sporks with extreme prejudice*
ZeldaQueen: Actually, I’d consider that good news
He told me that he was going to have to leave in the morning.
ZeldaQueen: Well that’s fast. Did the King even announce yet to the populace at large that they were at war?
As I looked into his eyes tears begun to stream down my face. I did not know how I was going to cope with the separation. I went into his arms and cried into his chest.
Link: You know, that kind of implies that I have a hole in my chest and she’s crying on my organs
ZeldaQueen: Well, you are supposed to be her soul mate. Maybe you have matching Goddamned Holes™, to borrow a phrase from das_mervin
Link gently rocked me in his arms as I cried. He told me that he would be home as soon as the war was over. He also said he would write as often as possible.
ZeldaQueen: Okay, I’m starting to get creepy Daddy vibes from this. Tell me Jenna, how was your relationship with your father?
Link: She probably doesn’t have one. I’m still firmly of the opinion that Sues pop up from holes in the ground
Though the one thing that sacred
Link: YOU’RE NOT DIVINE!
ZeldaQueen: No, it’s just another bad spelling error. Carry on
me was that something would happen to him and he would not return home to me. I expressed my concerns to him. "I do not want our baby to grow up without a father!" I said choking in between tears.
ZeldaQueen: Again, there are probably hundreds of wives saying the same things as their husbands are sent off to this war. How are you any better than them? Grow up!
"Do you remember the stories of my battle with Gannondorf?" Link asked.
ZeldaQueen: No, actually. This awful fic is so unlike the games that I pretty much forgot that Link can actually fight
Link: Oh great. She got Ganon-Banned
ZeldaQueen: She got that in the Prologue. That’s how she’s been consistently spelling his name
Link: Ah. Let me have a go at correcting her. *stands up on chair* OY! LISTEN UP, YOU DUMB BINT! HIS NAME IS GANONDORF, SPELLED G-A-N-O-N-D-O-R-F! I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I ACTUALLY FOUGHT THE BASTARD SEVERAL TIMES AND I’LL THANK YOU NOT TO PISS ALL OVER MY ACHIEVEMENTS LIKE THAT! *sits back down*
I nodded yes.
ZeldaQueen: That seems redundant. It bothers me
"I survived that. I'm standing here as living proof. And a war cannot be worse then battling the King of Evil himself.
ZeldaQueen: This is like a badly-done version of The Princess Bride
Link: Hey, don’t go uttering the names of such great things in this dank and evil room
I'm a survivor, I will survive."
ZeldaQueen: Did she just put lyrics from two different songs in one sentence? *laughs for a full minute*
With those words I looked deeply into his eyes and saw the determination in them.
Link: Yeah? Well look deeply into my eyes and see the EXTREME FUCKING ANGER!
Projection Room Voices: Keep down the swearing or we’ll be forced to remove you from the Sporking Chamber
Link: You and what army?
Projection Room Voices: Do you recall the incident with the sour cream enema and the Pit of Sues? We assure you, it will be no problem fix the thermometer and resent the alarm clock
Link: *shuts up quickly*
"Jenna my love, I will return to you. Love will guide me back." He said as his eyes flickered with love and I knew then he meant want he said.
ZeldaQueen: Why do these things ever come as a surprise to her? It’s pretty freaking clear by now that she has him by the balls! All he ever does is go on about how he’s in lurv with her and will always be by her side
He took his hand and brushed away my tears. Then he bent his head down and kissed me.
ZeldaQueen: Yep, still getting the Daddy vibes. Very creepy, especially after Breaking Dawn
A mix of emotions raced through my mind. Some sad, some happy and some with fear.
Link: Well aren’t those the basic emotions?
ZeldaQueen: The Sue is a one-channel being. To quote a great writer, she has the emotional range of a teaspoon
Link: What did I tell you about uttering great works of literature in here?
I felt like the world was crashing down on me.
Link: *throwing hand over head* Oh me! However will I make it?
ZeldaQueen: And the Sue was squashed. Hooray!
Like all of the bad things were happening at once.
Link: Wow. Drama queen much?
ZeldaQueen: Well, it’s about time something bad happened to the little tart. Suethor, stop trying to drum up sympathy for Jenna. All she’s ever had is good stuff and I’m perfectly happy to see the little whore suffer for once. Actually...hang on...
"I tried not to think about the danger Jacob and his friends were in. Because nothing could happen to Jacob. The thought was unendurable. I'd lost too much already-would fate take the last few shreds of peace left behind? That seemed unfair, out of balance. But maybe I'd violated some unknown rule, crossed some line that had condemned me. Maybe it was wrong to be so involved with myths and legends, to turn my back on the human world."
~ Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 15 - Pressure
"Was this the limit, then? I'd had more happiness than most people ever experienced. Was there some natural law that demanded equal shares of happiness and misery in the world? Was my joy overthrowing the balance? Was four months all I could have?"
~ Bella Swan, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 18 - The Future
ZeldaQueen: Just saying...
Though as I looked into his eyes I could tell that within my own heart, love will bring him back to me.
Link: Well that was pointless
ZeldaQueen: *sings* My heart will go on and -
Link: Shut up!
Just then Navi came flying into the room and saw that I was crying.
Link: Wait, why's Navi here? Didn't she leave at the end of the game?
ZeldaQueen: The Great Deku Tree sent her back to protect you from Ganondorf
Link: But Ganondorf's dead
ZeldaQueen: In the hypothetical event that he did return, I mean
Link: Ah yes. Listen, don't let her know I said this, but between you and me and the Projection Room Voices, Navi's about as useful as a rock. Less useful actually, because rocks sometimes have rupees inside of them
ZeldaQueen: I know, I ranted before
Link: Just making sure
She flew over to me concerned.
ZeldaQueen: Comma after "me"!
"Jen, Link, where's Lilly and are you ok?"
ZeldaQueen: I have no idea why she's asking for Lilly. Nothing actually comes of looking for her
Link: Who the fu - erm, who's Lilly?
ZeldaQueen: Jenna's pink fairy companion
Link: *eye twitch* So wait...Jenna got a fairy also? Even though she's human and never ought to even see one?
ZeldaQueen: Her excuse was that it would protect her if Ganondorf ever came back. And yes we all know, same argument applies as with Navi. Actually, Lilly is less useful, since Navi actually gave you advice on your adventure. Lilly is just some awful form of comic relief. Navi sort of is, also
Link: You know they used your real name for Lilly's character, right?
ZeldaQueen: *irritably* I know!
I looked at the blue fairy and tears begun to stream down my face again.
ZeldaQueen: That girl needs to get her plumbing fixed
Link: In more ways than one, I'd bet
"A war has started in one of our allied lands, and the King has decided to send in knights. Link's legion is one of them." I begun to choke on my tears as I held Link tightly.
Link: Okay, here's the thing - by the limits of the actual game, I have five other smoking women to choose from. Ruto, Saria, and Nabooru are all Sages who are responsible and run their kingdoms and put themselves in danger to save their people from monsters, all without raising a fuss. Saria went into a monster-infested temple alone, Ruto investigated the Water Temple to thaw her realm, and Nabooru was brainwashed for her efforts to stop Ganondorf. Then there's Malon, who isn't really a skilled fighter or powerful, but she's spunky and cheerful and works hard and gave me my horse. And lastly there's Zelda who is the princess of Hyrule, which I feel is worth mentioning. She's a fellow wielder of a piece of the Triforce, so she knows what it's like to go through life with that amount of responsibility and danger. She foresaw how bad Ganondorf was and worked out a plan so that we could stop him together. When she couldn't continue, she gave me what I needed to finish the plan myself. She spent seven years in disguise, hiding from Ganondorf and helped me in secret. She gave me the weapon needed to kill the lunatic and held him in place for the final blow.
So with all of those women to choose from, why in the name of the Triforce would I want to shack up with this chick? What does she do that would earn my respect or love? She cries, she slobbers at my feet like a puppy, she clings to me, she goes on and on about the bonds we share, and she doesn't do anything productive. It makes no sense!
ZeldaQueen: That's such a brilliant point that I'm going to let it hang instead of giving one of the usual answers like she's a sue...
"Oh honey, I'm sorry, that is bad news,
ZeldaQueen: *snarling* NO DIP, SHERLOCK!
but you remember Gannondorf right?"
Link: No, but I remember Ganondorf
ZeldaQueen: How does the Sue remember him? She wasn't in Hyrule at that time!
I nodded yes.
ZeldaQueen: Will you use a different phrase?
"Well he put Link through a lot worse then this, and he's still here. He loves you and he will come back to us. He is going to be a father and that will not keep him away for long." Navi flew in front of me and her blue aura grew brighter. Her aura was always calming.
Link: Well that was pointless
ZeldaQueen: Right! Link already told her all of this stuff! Basically it boils down to "Link loves the Sue and thus this makes him want to die less than he would if she weren't around and her baby is So Important that he'll come back from war just to watch the birthing"
I looked into Link's eyes. His eyes were as beautiful and as sexy as ever.
Link: *alarmed* My eyes are sexy?!?
ZeldaQueen: It's a step up from your ears
Still like deep blue pools of water.
ZeldaQueen: Um yeah. Did you think they changed color or something?
I just laid against his chest and enjoyed what time we had left. I did not know how long it was going to be before I was going to see him again.
ZeldaQueen: (Sue) "Oh noes! Whatever shall I do without my sexings?"
I thought to myself. "He loves me. Love will guide him back home to me. And that is all I need to remember."
Link: No, I don't love you!
ZeldaQueen: That's just like a rip-off of some sappy love song. Do you think it is? I know she set several other of her Legend of Zelda fics to Mariah Carey songs
Link: What?
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ZeldaQueen: And that's all for this session! Things are going to get really ridiculous and stupid(er) for awhile, so strap in!
Onward to: Chapter 9: The Reunion
Back to: Chapter 7: A Few Loose Ends
Return to: Table of Content
Link: Enough talk! Start the damned thing already!
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 8: The Separation
The Separation
ZeldaQueen: Woot! Is someone going to forcibly separate Jeann-the-parasite from Link?
One day I was visiting with Princess Zelda at the castle when she got word from her father that a war had started in one of our allied lands.
Link: Ah yes, because wars so frequently happen when there’s only one land in the game
The King decided to send in some of his knights and one of the legions he was sending was Link's.
ZeldaQueen: Um, legions are foot soldiers, not knights
Link: And I didn’t lead any of them! Why does this stupid bint keep insisting I did?
ZeldaQueen: Convenience. If you weren’t in the service of the king, she wouldn’t have an excuse to horn in as much as she does
Link: Isn’t she already Zelda’s “best friend”? What more does she need?
ZeldaQueen: *ominous stare* Oh, you’ll see in a few chapters
My face turned white as a sheet.
Link: Wow, quite the talent to know what your own face looks like without a mirror
I knew that affairs like these could keep the men away for months.
ZeldaQueen: *snort* WHAT? Great, now she’s Scarlet O’ Jenna
Link: “Oh mah stars, whatever shall ah do without the men around? I do believe ah have the vapors!”
Since he was the captain of his legion he had to go.
Link: Good news! I’m not the captain of any of the King’s legions. I don’t even know the bastard. And even better news (for me anyway) - I’m not married to you! HA!
When Princess Zelda saw how upset I was she tried to comfort me, but I couldn't help thinking that Link might miss the birth of our first child.
ZeldaQueen: *sputters* I - she - that is so selfish! Ignoring the fact that Zelda cares more for the Sue’s sorrows than the fact that her land is going to war, Jenna apparently doesn’t care that an unknown number of people will be dying because of this. All she cares about is that her husband won’t be around to see their brat being born! Why am I supposed to like her?
When I explained my concerns to her, she told me that in the event if I was to give birth before Link was to return home, her father would have him brought home.
ZeldaQueen: *sputters again* EXCUSE ME?!?
Link: Wow. That is just amazing. So apparently I’m just so important that I have to go off to lead tropes into war and yet the King is willing to pull me off of the battlefield at any point just so I can watch my wife giving birth?
ZeldaQueen: ENTITLEMENT WHORE!
After she told me that I started to feel a little better, but it was the separation that was bothering me.
ZeldaQueen: JESUS CHRIST, this is Twilight all over again! If she gets a hole in her chest during the time when he’s away, I quit!
I knew that spending such a great amount of time apart would be hard.
Link: (Sue) “I mean, it’s not like I lived my untold years of life alone before I met him!”
I didn't want to get lonely.
ZeldaQueen: And I’m sure that there are countless wives and family members of the other soldiers who feel the same way! Suck it up girly, the world doesn’t revolve around you!
Link: Much as I hate to say this, it kind of looks like it does
ZeldaQueen: WELL IT SHOULDN’T!
We had been together for five months and married for two and never spent much of that time apart.
ZeldaQueen: What? I thought that they were only together for two months before getting married. This makes no sense!
Link: This is madness! No! THIS! IS! MY INNER LIFE!
"Would this long separation period stress me out?" I thought to myself.
ZeldaQueen: (Sue) “Can I, like, totally survive on my own?”
When I got home I was mopey.
Link: “Mopey”. Yep, that fits right on in with the Ye Olde English she’d been having everyone emulate before
ZeldaQueen: Um Suethor, you do know that “mopey” usually has negative connotations? As in, you’re implying that your Sue is sulking?
I knew Link would have to leave soon and then I was going to miss him. I wished that he did not have to leave.
Link: For the love of the goddesses, I’m apparently going off to war, not a business trip!
ZeldaQueen: I know. She sounds like I used to when I heard my dad had to go off to Germany for company work. Except that I was about five when that happened
When he came home, he delivered the bad news.
Link: Bad news, sweetie. I CAN DO BETTER! *sporks with extreme prejudice*
ZeldaQueen: Actually, I’d consider that good news
He told me that he was going to have to leave in the morning.
ZeldaQueen: Well that’s fast. Did the King even announce yet to the populace at large that they were at war?
As I looked into his eyes tears begun to stream down my face. I did not know how I was going to cope with the separation. I went into his arms and cried into his chest.
Link: You know, that kind of implies that I have a hole in my chest and she’s crying on my organs
ZeldaQueen: Well, you are supposed to be her soul mate. Maybe you have matching Goddamned Holes™, to borrow a phrase from das_mervin
Link gently rocked me in his arms as I cried. He told me that he would be home as soon as the war was over. He also said he would write as often as possible.
ZeldaQueen: Okay, I’m starting to get creepy Daddy vibes from this. Tell me Jenna, how was your relationship with your father?
Link: She probably doesn’t have one. I’m still firmly of the opinion that Sues pop up from holes in the ground
Though the one thing that sacred
Link: YOU’RE NOT DIVINE!
ZeldaQueen: No, it’s just another bad spelling error. Carry on
me was that something would happen to him and he would not return home to me. I expressed my concerns to him. "I do not want our baby to grow up without a father!" I said choking in between tears.
ZeldaQueen: Again, there are probably hundreds of wives saying the same things as their husbands are sent off to this war. How are you any better than them? Grow up!
"Do you remember the stories of my battle with Gannondorf?" Link asked.
ZeldaQueen: No, actually. This awful fic is so unlike the games that I pretty much forgot that Link can actually fight
Link: Oh great. She got Ganon-Banned
ZeldaQueen: She got that in the Prologue. That’s how she’s been consistently spelling his name
Link: Ah. Let me have a go at correcting her. *stands up on chair* OY! LISTEN UP, YOU DUMB BINT! HIS NAME IS GANONDORF, SPELLED G-A-N-O-N-D-O-R-F! I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I ACTUALLY FOUGHT THE BASTARD SEVERAL TIMES AND I’LL THANK YOU NOT TO PISS ALL OVER MY ACHIEVEMENTS LIKE THAT! *sits back down*
I nodded yes.
ZeldaQueen: That seems redundant. It bothers me
"I survived that. I'm standing here as living proof. And a war cannot be worse then battling the King of Evil himself.
ZeldaQueen: This is like a badly-done version of The Princess Bride
Link: Hey, don’t go uttering the names of such great things in this dank and evil room
I'm a survivor, I will survive."
ZeldaQueen: Did she just put lyrics from two different songs in one sentence? *laughs for a full minute*
With those words I looked deeply into his eyes and saw the determination in them.
Link: Yeah? Well look deeply into my eyes and see the EXTREME FUCKING ANGER!
Projection Room Voices: Keep down the swearing or we’ll be forced to remove you from the Sporking Chamber
Link: You and what army?
Projection Room Voices: Do you recall the incident with the sour cream enema and the Pit of Sues? We assure you, it will be no problem fix the thermometer and resent the alarm clock
Link: *shuts up quickly*
"Jenna my love, I will return to you. Love will guide me back." He said as his eyes flickered with love and I knew then he meant want he said.
ZeldaQueen: Why do these things ever come as a surprise to her? It’s pretty freaking clear by now that she has him by the balls! All he ever does is go on about how he’s in lurv with her and will always be by her side
He took his hand and brushed away my tears. Then he bent his head down and kissed me.
ZeldaQueen: Yep, still getting the Daddy vibes. Very creepy, especially after Breaking Dawn
A mix of emotions raced through my mind. Some sad, some happy and some with fear.
Link: Well aren’t those the basic emotions?
ZeldaQueen: The Sue is a one-channel being. To quote a great writer, she has the emotional range of a teaspoon
Link: What did I tell you about uttering great works of literature in here?
I felt like the world was crashing down on me.
Link: *throwing hand over head* Oh me! However will I make it?
ZeldaQueen: And the Sue was squashed. Hooray!
Like all of the bad things were happening at once.
Link: Wow. Drama queen much?
ZeldaQueen: Well, it’s about time something bad happened to the little tart. Suethor, stop trying to drum up sympathy for Jenna. All she’s ever had is good stuff and I’m perfectly happy to see the little whore suffer for once. Actually...hang on...
"I tried not to think about the danger Jacob and his friends were in. Because nothing could happen to Jacob. The thought was unendurable. I'd lost too much already-would fate take the last few shreds of peace left behind? That seemed unfair, out of balance. But maybe I'd violated some unknown rule, crossed some line that had condemned me. Maybe it was wrong to be so involved with myths and legends, to turn my back on the human world."
~ Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 15 - Pressure
"Was this the limit, then? I'd had more happiness than most people ever experienced. Was there some natural law that demanded equal shares of happiness and misery in the world? Was my joy overthrowing the balance? Was four months all I could have?"
~ Bella Swan, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 18 - The Future
ZeldaQueen: Just saying...
Though as I looked into his eyes I could tell that within my own heart, love will bring him back to me.
Link: Well that was pointless
ZeldaQueen: *sings* My heart will go on and -
Link: Shut up!
Just then Navi came flying into the room and saw that I was crying.
Link: Wait, why's Navi here? Didn't she leave at the end of the game?
ZeldaQueen: The Great Deku Tree sent her back to protect you from Ganondorf
Link: But Ganondorf's dead
ZeldaQueen: In the hypothetical event that he did return, I mean
Link: Ah yes. Listen, don't let her know I said this, but between you and me and the Projection Room Voices, Navi's about as useful as a rock. Less useful actually, because rocks sometimes have rupees inside of them
ZeldaQueen: I know, I ranted before
Link: Just making sure
She flew over to me concerned.
ZeldaQueen: Comma after "me"!
"Jen, Link, where's Lilly and are you ok?"
ZeldaQueen: I have no idea why she's asking for Lilly. Nothing actually comes of looking for her
Link: Who the fu - erm, who's Lilly?
ZeldaQueen: Jenna's pink fairy companion
Link: *eye twitch* So wait...Jenna got a fairy also? Even though she's human and never ought to even see one?
ZeldaQueen: Her excuse was that it would protect her if Ganondorf ever came back. And yes we all know, same argument applies as with Navi. Actually, Lilly is less useful, since Navi actually gave you advice on your adventure. Lilly is just some awful form of comic relief. Navi sort of is, also
Link: You know they used your real name for Lilly's character, right?
ZeldaQueen: *irritably* I know!
I looked at the blue fairy and tears begun to stream down my face again.
ZeldaQueen: That girl needs to get her plumbing fixed
Link: In more ways than one, I'd bet
"A war has started in one of our allied lands, and the King has decided to send in knights. Link's legion is one of them." I begun to choke on my tears as I held Link tightly.
Link: Okay, here's the thing - by the limits of the actual game, I have five other smoking women to choose from. Ruto, Saria, and Nabooru are all Sages who are responsible and run their kingdoms and put themselves in danger to save their people from monsters, all without raising a fuss. Saria went into a monster-infested temple alone, Ruto investigated the Water Temple to thaw her realm, and Nabooru was brainwashed for her efforts to stop Ganondorf. Then there's Malon, who isn't really a skilled fighter or powerful, but she's spunky and cheerful and works hard and gave me my horse. And lastly there's Zelda who is the princess of Hyrule, which I feel is worth mentioning. She's a fellow wielder of a piece of the Triforce, so she knows what it's like to go through life with that amount of responsibility and danger. She foresaw how bad Ganondorf was and worked out a plan so that we could stop him together. When she couldn't continue, she gave me what I needed to finish the plan myself. She spent seven years in disguise, hiding from Ganondorf and helped me in secret. She gave me the weapon needed to kill the lunatic and held him in place for the final blow.
So with all of those women to choose from, why in the name of the Triforce would I want to shack up with this chick? What does she do that would earn my respect or love? She cries, she slobbers at my feet like a puppy, she clings to me, she goes on and on about the bonds we share, and she doesn't do anything productive. It makes no sense!
ZeldaQueen: That's such a brilliant point that I'm going to let it hang instead of giving one of the usual answers like she's a sue...
"Oh honey, I'm sorry, that is bad news,
ZeldaQueen: *snarling* NO DIP, SHERLOCK!
but you remember Gannondorf right?"
Link: No, but I remember Ganondorf
ZeldaQueen: How does the Sue remember him? She wasn't in Hyrule at that time!
I nodded yes.
ZeldaQueen: Will you use a different phrase?
"Well he put Link through a lot worse then this, and he's still here. He loves you and he will come back to us. He is going to be a father and that will not keep him away for long." Navi flew in front of me and her blue aura grew brighter. Her aura was always calming.
Link: Well that was pointless
ZeldaQueen: Right! Link already told her all of this stuff! Basically it boils down to "Link loves the Sue and thus this makes him want to die less than he would if she weren't around and her baby is So Important that he'll come back from war just to watch the birthing"
I looked into Link's eyes. His eyes were as beautiful and as sexy as ever.
Link: *alarmed* My eyes are sexy?!?
ZeldaQueen: It's a step up from your ears
Still like deep blue pools of water.
ZeldaQueen: Um yeah. Did you think they changed color or something?
I just laid against his chest and enjoyed what time we had left. I did not know how long it was going to be before I was going to see him again.
ZeldaQueen: (Sue) "Oh noes! Whatever shall I do without my sexings?"
I thought to myself. "He loves me. Love will guide him back home to me. And that is all I need to remember."
Link: No, I don't love you!
ZeldaQueen: That's just like a rip-off of some sappy love song. Do you think it is? I know she set several other of her Legend of Zelda fics to Mariah Carey songs
Link: What?
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ZeldaQueen: And that's all for this session! Things are going to get really ridiculous and stupid(er) for awhile, so strap in!
Onward to: Chapter 9: The Reunion
Back to: Chapter 7: A Few Loose Ends
Return to: Table of Content