Quotes From Neil
ZeldaQueen: Well, ladies and gentlemen, I made a horrible mistake. I actually ventured onto Neil's Yahoo group for his Hogwarts Exposed series. Now, I am in need of brain bleach.
As there is no brain bleach to be had, I've satisfied myself with collecting a handful of particularly hilarious quotes from the author himself, for your viewing enjoyment
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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My goal has always been to bring my characters to life. I want the reader to feel that they are at Hogwarts with Harry, Hermione and the girls. Good thing the girls don't mind being seen in the buff.
ZeldaQueen: Good thing for you maybe. I'd like a little tastefulness with my "artistic expression"
...
I could go on for hours about canon and Harry being matched with Ginny and Hermione being matched with Ron, but I'll resist. Needless to say, I still think Rowling got it all wrong.
ZeldaQueen: (Neil) "I mean, look at it! Hermione wasn't naked at all! She should have been naked, damn it! And Harry should have had a group of naked, underaged daughters to tickle and hug and molest in a fatherly way! And Ginny and Ron weren't shat on nearly enough! What the hell?"
...
I have few readers that confess to actually being naturists.
ZeldaQueen: Um Neil? People on the internet sometimes lie
I hope I present the naturist lifestyle in a positive way.
ZeldaQueen: Neil m'boy, there's a difference between showing a naturist's lifestyle and showing the lifestyles of a bunch of people who are clearly deranged and have sex issues
...
No promises on that count [getting more stories written]. I'm amazed that I even finished one book.
ZeldaQueen: Me too. How on earth did you keep the police from catching you?
...
Emily has been my favorite original character since the first day when she ran out on the street buck naked to meet Alex.
ZeldaQueen: Oh, I'll bet. Both hands on the keyboard, sunshine!
She is bold, brash and hates taking orders, but she is loyal and loving and would die for her friends.
ZeldaQueen: Assuming said friends are naked. If they aren't, she'll instantly turn into a little bitch who whines and forces them to strip until she gets her way
Originally I had planned for her to die in the accident with her parents. What a blunder that would have been.
ZeldaQueen: You mean we could have gone for the rest of the fic with no Emily? God damn it all, why didn't you???
Thanks again for the many kind words. Now that you have posted once, please don't be a stranger
ZeldaQueen: (Neil) "Just take off your clothes and let me oogle you...platonically
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The Hogwarts Exposed series is and always has been controversial and this sub plot is no exception. First let me assure you that I'm not going to turn the story into a silly harem fic where Harry has a dozen wives.
ZeldaQueen: Too late. You already put in Catlin, Jamie, and Emily
Honestly, I haven't decided how I want to precede and I'm open to input.
ZeldaQueen: Take out the nudism and give the characters all senses of decency and modesty
Next, it is important to remember that Luna has never actually suggested that Harry make her pregnant.
ZeldaQueen: What.
She'd never ask this of Harry and Hermione. Also, Harry would not be cheating because Hermione is asking him to do this.
ZeldaQueen: Again, what. Luna is, at some point in this series, going to want to get pregnant by Harry and Hermione is alright with this???
What the fuck, Neil? What the fuck??? Hermione would never go along with that! I know that you love to write her as a saint, but in canon the facts are that she was a nice girl, but was rather jealous when it came to relationships! She asked out Cormac just to spite Ron, for heaven's sake! She'd never say to her husband "Oh sweetie, our old school friend wants to use you as a breeding horse for a baby, would you mind?"
How strong is the relationship that Harry and Hermione have? Could it survive Harry impregnating Luna?
ZeldaQueen: In canon, I'd say no. In this, they probably will. Blah
What would it do to Harry and Hermione's marriage and friendship with Luna? How would Harry feel about Luna and the baby she would be carrying?
ZeldaQueen: And have either Luna or Hermione even informed Harry that he'll be rented out as a love machine?
In the next chapter, Harry will tell Caitlin about Hermione's plans. She will voice her opinion in a very mature way, but I'd like to hear the opinions of as many readers as possible before then. How far does friendship go? Is Hermione crazy to even suggest that Harry sleep with Luna?
ZeldaQueen: YES!!!!
Is it possible to love two women? Is it possible for two women to share one man?
ZeldaQueen: In this fic? Of course it does! It caters to the author's wank fantasies
Please think about this situation carefully before posting. Think about it as a real life situation. Could you do it? Could you be Harry, Luna or Hermine in this situation?
ZeldaQueen: No, because your readers are actual people and not sex toys
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There are a lot of different types of stories out there; if you don't like one style, don't read it.
ZeldaQueen: I really hate that defense. You're basically saying "I only want praise, so don't try anything new and criticize it".
EX. I don't like fics where Harry and Draco are a couple or where Snape and Hermione spend most of there time in bed. I don't write the authors and tell them they should change there story and have Harry turn straight or Hermione find a younger guy. I simply find something to read more to my liking.
ZeldaQueen: Like stories with endless parades of naked, preteen girls
Incidentally, I've read the synopsis for Hogwarts Exposed. There is nothing in there that hints at the fact that the story contains rape, pedophilia, naturism, and the other squicky things. So you can't very well blame readers for complaining about those things if you don't warn about them!
---------
About the Deathly Hallows epilogue
I totally agree with you. I would have liked her to kill off Voldie and leave it at that. Let fanfiction fight out the romance issues for the next 100 years.
ZeldaQueen: Translation - Rowling sank my Fan Ship and I hate her for it. Don't play the victim buddy, you know damned well that fanfic writers still are fighting out "romance issues". Canon's never stopped them before
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About a fan saying he should try to be published
Thanks for the kind words, but don't hope your breath. I don't think the real world is quite ready for me.
ZeldaQueen: I'LL SAY!
Although I do have this idea about a naturist vampire. :-)
ZeldaQueen: Dear God, Neil, don't even joke about that!
...
I'm glad that you grown to love Emily so much. An author shouldn't play favorites, but I've always liked writing Emily. She is sort of canon Luna, but without the weirdness.
ZeldaQueen: No, she's not! Canon Luna never forced people to do humiliating or embarrassing things against their will!
Emily, is brash, honest and minces no words. Definitely fun to write.
ZeldaQueen: I'm sure the fact that she strips naked at every possible opportunity has nothing to do with it
Can you imagine, asking to be buried nude?
ZeldaQueen: Yeah, that's creepy, not endearing. Actually, it gives me the "just been murdered and then raped" vibe
--------
About Jamie being a Mary Sue
I've never quite understood the term Mary Sue,
ZeldaQueen: Isn't that what all fanfic writers say when they're trying to deny writing them?
but I will admit that at this point in the story Jamie seems almost perfect. You must remember that she is being written as sort of a blend of Harry and Hermione.
ZeldaQueen: Ah yes, of course! Because Harry and Hermione can do no wrong in Neil's eyes
Hermione sees Jamie as being much like Harry. Harry sees her as being much like Hermione. Blend Harry and Hermione's best qualities into one person and you probably would have someone that is quite popular and talented.
ZeldaQueen: And that's a Mary Sue!
Incidentally, Harry sees his adopted daughter who he has...disturbing interactions with as being "much like" his wife? Okay, that's not disturbing at all...
--------
About Neville being out of character for finger-raping Hermione
You are correct, the 14 year old Neville we know in canon would not have acted this way. This Neville is 23.
ZeldaQueen: And that makes all the difference!
People change.
ZeldaQueen: Yes people change, but it's got to be believable! The thigh-stroking just came out of nowhere!
How many fanfics do we read where Draco is suddenly a nice guy and dating Ginny? I never hear anyone say that is out of character.
ZeldaQueen: Well, it is! Just because someone doesn't say it's out of character doesn't mean it isn't! That's like saying your series isn't a gross, porno, wank-fest just because no one on your group's called it that
---------
I grant you that when you think of Hogwarts, nudism is the last thing that comes to mind.
ZeldaQueen: Nudism's the last thing that comes to mind period, for most of the stuff I think about. Unlike you, I don't spend all day fantasizing about how to turn children's literature into porn
For that reason some will automatically give the story a thumbs down without even reading. Between Fanfiction and Schnoogle there are nearly 100,000 fanfics. To the best of my knowledge I have the only one with nudist characters. If nothing else, it makes this story original.
ZeldaQueen: *cough*RosePotter*cough*
As an interesting aside, apparently Neil and Keiran did interact at one point. It was back when Keiran was complaining that Fanfiction.net was removing his Rose Potter series for the nudity (and not, oh say, for the blatant plagiarism). Neil left a message saying how utterly ridiculous the site was, because it dared to remove Hogwarts Exposed. Gee, I wonder why?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Return to the Sporking Chamber
As there is no brain bleach to be had, I've satisfied myself with collecting a handful of particularly hilarious quotes from the author himself, for your viewing enjoyment
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My goal has always been to bring my characters to life. I want the reader to feel that they are at Hogwarts with Harry, Hermione and the girls. Good thing the girls don't mind being seen in the buff.
ZeldaQueen: Good thing for you maybe. I'd like a little tastefulness with my "artistic expression"
...
I could go on for hours about canon and Harry being matched with Ginny and Hermione being matched with Ron, but I'll resist. Needless to say, I still think Rowling got it all wrong.
ZeldaQueen: (Neil) "I mean, look at it! Hermione wasn't naked at all! She should have been naked, damn it! And Harry should have had a group of naked, underaged daughters to tickle and hug and molest in a fatherly way! And Ginny and Ron weren't shat on nearly enough! What the hell?"
...
I have few readers that confess to actually being naturists.
ZeldaQueen: Um Neil? People on the internet sometimes lie
I hope I present the naturist lifestyle in a positive way.
ZeldaQueen: Neil m'boy, there's a difference between showing a naturist's lifestyle and showing the lifestyles of a bunch of people who are clearly deranged and have sex issues
...
No promises on that count [getting more stories written]. I'm amazed that I even finished one book.
ZeldaQueen: Me too. How on earth did you keep the police from catching you?
...
Emily has been my favorite original character since the first day when she ran out on the street buck naked to meet Alex.
ZeldaQueen: Oh, I'll bet. Both hands on the keyboard, sunshine!
She is bold, brash and hates taking orders, but she is loyal and loving and would die for her friends.
ZeldaQueen: Assuming said friends are naked. If they aren't, she'll instantly turn into a little bitch who whines and forces them to strip until she gets her way
Originally I had planned for her to die in the accident with her parents. What a blunder that would have been.
ZeldaQueen: You mean we could have gone for the rest of the fic with no Emily? God damn it all, why didn't you???
Thanks again for the many kind words. Now that you have posted once, please don't be a stranger
ZeldaQueen: (Neil) "Just take off your clothes and let me oogle you...platonically
----------------------------------------------
The Hogwarts Exposed series is and always has been controversial and this sub plot is no exception. First let me assure you that I'm not going to turn the story into a silly harem fic where Harry has a dozen wives.
ZeldaQueen: Too late. You already put in Catlin, Jamie, and Emily
Honestly, I haven't decided how I want to precede and I'm open to input.
ZeldaQueen: Take out the nudism and give the characters all senses of decency and modesty
Next, it is important to remember that Luna has never actually suggested that Harry make her pregnant.
ZeldaQueen: What.
She'd never ask this of Harry and Hermione. Also, Harry would not be cheating because Hermione is asking him to do this.
ZeldaQueen: Again, what. Luna is, at some point in this series, going to want to get pregnant by Harry and Hermione is alright with this???
What the fuck, Neil? What the fuck??? Hermione would never go along with that! I know that you love to write her as a saint, but in canon the facts are that she was a nice girl, but was rather jealous when it came to relationships! She asked out Cormac just to spite Ron, for heaven's sake! She'd never say to her husband "Oh sweetie, our old school friend wants to use you as a breeding horse for a baby, would you mind?"
How strong is the relationship that Harry and Hermione have? Could it survive Harry impregnating Luna?
ZeldaQueen: In canon, I'd say no. In this, they probably will. Blah
What would it do to Harry and Hermione's marriage and friendship with Luna? How would Harry feel about Luna and the baby she would be carrying?
ZeldaQueen: And have either Luna or Hermione even informed Harry that he'll be rented out as a love machine?
In the next chapter, Harry will tell Caitlin about Hermione's plans. She will voice her opinion in a very mature way, but I'd like to hear the opinions of as many readers as possible before then. How far does friendship go? Is Hermione crazy to even suggest that Harry sleep with Luna?
ZeldaQueen: YES!!!!
Is it possible to love two women? Is it possible for two women to share one man?
ZeldaQueen: In this fic? Of course it does! It caters to the author's wank fantasies
Please think about this situation carefully before posting. Think about it as a real life situation. Could you do it? Could you be Harry, Luna or Hermine in this situation?
ZeldaQueen: No, because your readers are actual people and not sex toys
----------
There are a lot of different types of stories out there; if you don't like one style, don't read it.
ZeldaQueen: I really hate that defense. You're basically saying "I only want praise, so don't try anything new and criticize it".
EX. I don't like fics where Harry and Draco are a couple or where Snape and Hermione spend most of there time in bed. I don't write the authors and tell them they should change there story and have Harry turn straight or Hermione find a younger guy. I simply find something to read more to my liking.
ZeldaQueen: Like stories with endless parades of naked, preteen girls
Incidentally, I've read the synopsis for Hogwarts Exposed. There is nothing in there that hints at the fact that the story contains rape, pedophilia, naturism, and the other squicky things. So you can't very well blame readers for complaining about those things if you don't warn about them!
---------
About the Deathly Hallows epilogue
I totally agree with you. I would have liked her to kill off Voldie and leave it at that. Let fanfiction fight out the romance issues for the next 100 years.
ZeldaQueen: Translation - Rowling sank my Fan Ship and I hate her for it. Don't play the victim buddy, you know damned well that fanfic writers still are fighting out "romance issues". Canon's never stopped them before
--------
About a fan saying he should try to be published
Thanks for the kind words, but don't hope your breath. I don't think the real world is quite ready for me.
ZeldaQueen: I'LL SAY!
Although I do have this idea about a naturist vampire. :-)
ZeldaQueen: Dear God, Neil, don't even joke about that!
...
I'm glad that you grown to love Emily so much. An author shouldn't play favorites, but I've always liked writing Emily. She is sort of canon Luna, but without the weirdness.
ZeldaQueen: No, she's not! Canon Luna never forced people to do humiliating or embarrassing things against their will!
Emily, is brash, honest and minces no words. Definitely fun to write.
ZeldaQueen: I'm sure the fact that she strips naked at every possible opportunity has nothing to do with it
Can you imagine, asking to be buried nude?
ZeldaQueen: Yeah, that's creepy, not endearing. Actually, it gives me the "just been murdered and then raped" vibe
--------
About Jamie being a Mary Sue
I've never quite understood the term Mary Sue,
ZeldaQueen: Isn't that what all fanfic writers say when they're trying to deny writing them?
but I will admit that at this point in the story Jamie seems almost perfect. You must remember that she is being written as sort of a blend of Harry and Hermione.
ZeldaQueen: Ah yes, of course! Because Harry and Hermione can do no wrong in Neil's eyes
Hermione sees Jamie as being much like Harry. Harry sees her as being much like Hermione. Blend Harry and Hermione's best qualities into one person and you probably would have someone that is quite popular and talented.
ZeldaQueen: And that's a Mary Sue!
Incidentally, Harry sees his adopted daughter who he has...disturbing interactions with as being "much like" his wife? Okay, that's not disturbing at all...
--------
About Neville being out of character for finger-raping Hermione
You are correct, the 14 year old Neville we know in canon would not have acted this way. This Neville is 23.
ZeldaQueen: And that makes all the difference!
People change.
ZeldaQueen: Yes people change, but it's got to be believable! The thigh-stroking just came out of nowhere!
How many fanfics do we read where Draco is suddenly a nice guy and dating Ginny? I never hear anyone say that is out of character.
ZeldaQueen: Well, it is! Just because someone doesn't say it's out of character doesn't mean it isn't! That's like saying your series isn't a gross, porno, wank-fest just because no one on your group's called it that
---------
I grant you that when you think of Hogwarts, nudism is the last thing that comes to mind.
ZeldaQueen: Nudism's the last thing that comes to mind period, for most of the stuff I think about. Unlike you, I don't spend all day fantasizing about how to turn children's literature into porn
For that reason some will automatically give the story a thumbs down without even reading. Between Fanfiction and Schnoogle there are nearly 100,000 fanfics. To the best of my knowledge I have the only one with nudist characters. If nothing else, it makes this story original.
ZeldaQueen: *cough*RosePotter*cough*
As an interesting aside, apparently Neil and Keiran did interact at one point. It was back when Keiran was complaining that Fanfiction.net was removing his Rose Potter series for the nudity (and not, oh say, for the blatant plagiarism). Neil left a message saying how utterly ridiculous the site was, because it dared to remove Hogwarts Exposed. Gee, I wonder why?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Return to the Sporking Chamber