Marked: Chapter 9
ZeldaQueen: Hey folks! Who wants more stereotypes? I bet you do!
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 9
ZeldaQueen: Folks, there's going to be a lot of quoting in this chapter. I can't help it, the dialogue is just so...so stupid! This isn't Meyer "Look at these big words I know" stupid either, this is "Our research was Disney Original Movies, can you tell?" stupid. So, let's get started!
Zoey and Stevie Rae run off to dining hall for dinner. Zoey thinks the place is nice, but proceeds to emulate Bella Swan and immediately start mocking how they call it a "dining hall". I guess we're supposed to think that teenagers are unfamiliar with terms like "dining hall", and I say that the Cast ladies need to get out of the house more. Oh, and Zoey also spends a bit of time bitching about how sucky her old high school's cafeteria was, and given that Kristen heavily based Zoey off of herself, I'm thinking that Kristen has a bone to pick with her old high school cafeterias.
We then switch from the incredibly annoying, stuck-up teen narrative voice and over to the flowing, halfway decent narrative voice. There's a giant table in the middle of the room with all of these meats and cheeses and fruits and red wine and we're told how it's all set up for the Goddess Nyx. This prompts Zoey to go all mystical on us again, rhapsodizing about how Nyx is still present in the school and has her Temple and her Mark and how Zoey feels so connected to her, and I find it rather hypocritical that she bashed her stepfather for being devout while she keeps going on like this.
Anyway, all of the kids stare at Zoey as she walks by, and she then proceeds to emulate Holly Potter, with "I took a deep breath and held my head high. Might as well give them a clear view of the Mark they all seemed so obsessed with". Or would that be emulating Rose Potter? Either way, I want to smack her.
The girls get in line and Stevie Rae assures her that the food's good and they aren't going to serve her blood or raw meat or anything. Turns out that dinner is spaghetti, which Zoey starts drooling over. She then freaks out, because there's garlic in it.
Okay, I know that the whole "sunlight is painful" thing is going on here so it's not like there's a total lack of reason to believe all myths, but come on! They're serving this stuff to an entire school of vampires. If garlic was really deadly or dangerous, would they honestly put it in? What, does Zoey think that they're trying to poison the entire student body. Now I think I have a spitefic idea...
Stevie Rae assures Zoey that the garlic thing is "total bullshit-pardon my French", but that the blood drinking thing is not. Yeah...I would hope so. Pretty much the only requirement for a vampire is that they drink blood. There have been hot vampires, ugly ones, young, old, ones good with crosses and garlic, ones not so much, ones that walk around during the day, ones that don't, ones with fangs, and ones without. The thing they all share in common? They all need blood.
And the reason I'm stressing that is because I was reading an interview with PC Cast. Apparently she considered having the vampires drink blood to be a "nod" to traditional vampires. Lady, even Meyer knew that vampires drink blood.
Zoey freaks out at the thought of having to drink blood, which is understandable, but decides to follow the Bella Swan School Of Thought and not think about it at all. As opposed to, you know, asking someone else about it. She and Stevie Rae take a seat, and we are introduced Erin and Damien. And here are some of those quotes I promised you. Enjoy
"'Hey, y'all. Meet my new roommate, Zoey Redbird. Zoey, this is Erin Bates,' she pointed to the ridiculously pretty blonde sitting on my side of the table. (Well, hell- how many pretty blondes could one school have? Isn't there some kind of limit?) Still in her matter-of-fact Okie voice, she went on, making little air quotes for emphasis. 'Erin is 'the pretty one.' She's also funny and smart and has more shoes than anyone I've ever known.'
Erin pulled her blue eyes away from staring at my Mark long enough to say a quick 'Hi.'
'And this is the token guy in our group, Damien Maslin. But he's gay, so I don't really think he counts as a guy.'
Instead of getting pissed at Stevie Rae, Damien looked serene and unruffled. 'Actually, since I'm gay I think I should count for two guys instead of just one. I mean, in me you get the male point of view and you don't have to worry about me wanting to touch your boobies.'
He had a smooth face that was totally zit free, and dark brown hair and eyes that reminded me of a baby deer. Actually, he was cute. Not in the overly girly way so many teenage guys are when they decide to come out and tell everyone what everyone already knew (well, everyone except their typically clueless and/or in-denial parents). Damien wasn't a swishy girly-guy; he was just a cute kid with a likable smile. He was also noticeably trying not to stare at my Mark, which I appreciated"
ZeldaQueen: *rubs head* Ho boy...
First of all, Stevie Rae just comes right out and calls Erin "the pretty one". A note to Ms and Ms Cast - when your own characters start pointing out their stereotypes, that is not a good sign.
Second of all - "I count for two guys"? What? Who says stuff like that? How does that even make any sense? Just...what?
Third of all, if this were any other story, I could see the banter between Stevie Rae and Damien as the kind of things friends say to each other - from an outside perspective it's not nice, but they have their private jokes and know what they mean. Given how utterly stereotypical and two dimensional these people have all been? That's just stupid and offensive.
Fourth of all, this is about a good a time to say this as any, but if TV Tropes is to be believed, the Cast ladies' research of homosexuality does not extend beyond chick flicks. That would probably explain stupid statements, such as how most guys who come out of the closet are "overly girly" whose parents are clueless or in denial.
Wasn't that fun?
Damien tells Zoey that they're all glad she's "normal" (sure, as long as you don't count the raging case of Mary Sueitis). Turns out that they were afraid she'd be an Evil Prep. No, I'm not even joking here. There's a group that are basically described by Damien as a sorority, or "hags from hell", as Erin calls them. Damien scolds Erin for poisoning the well for Zoey, so to speak, and then turns around and describes them as Aphrodite and "her stuck-up flock of sycophants". *blinks* Well, that's not judgmental at all.
Apparently the Cast ladies also think that teenagers are idiots, because Zoey is confused by Damien since "sycophant" is such a hard word, don't you know? Stevie Rae gives a dictionary definition and then gets all meek and it's implied that the group in question - the Dark Daughters - found out that she was afraid of them and did something nasty to her.
Zoey is cheered by the fact that they all agree that Aphrodite is a bitch and is about to ask more questions when a new person comes running up. Time for another description quote!
"She was the color of cappuccino (the kind you get from real coffee shops and not the nasty, too-sweet stuff you get from Quick Trip) and all curvy with pouty lips and high cheekbones that made her look like an African princess. She also had some seriously good hair. It was thick and fell in dark, glossy waves around her shoulders. Her eyes were so black they looked like they didn't have any pupils"
ZeldaQueen: I think that description speaks very nicely for itself. The only good thing I can say about this person is that the Casts didn't have her speak "jive" like Meyer did with Diego.
So yeah, everyone give a warm welcome to our Token Black Chick! Zoey continues to refer to the girl as "the African princess" until she learns her name, but I'll just tell you all right now, she's named "Shaunee Cole". Really. We also find out later that she's from Connecticut and is of Jamaican descent. You know, I ran a quick Google search and found no evidence that "Shaunee" is at all a Jamaican name. I did find that it is a variation of "Shawna", which is an Irish/Gaelic name that mean's "God's Grace". Interesting that a Jamaican girl chose a name like that. I know, I know, it could be that she liked it, but given how things have gone, it sounds like the Suethors picked a name that sounded Jamaican.
Anyway, Shaunee is late because she overslept, and she proceeds to complain that Erin didn't wake her up for dinner. Erin replies that she's not Shaunee's mother and Shaunee threatens "Do not make me cut that Jessica Simpson lookalike blond hair of yours off in the middle of the night". You see, it's funny because it references a hot celebrity and teens always love to talk about hot celebrities, doncha know?
Stevie Rae introduces Zoey to Shaunee and Shaunee immediately asks what the deal is with Zoey's filled-in Mark. Everyone pretty much lets out a collective gasp and Stevie Rae goes on about how rude that was and Shaunee is all "What? Everyone was wondering!" I guess we're supposed to think that she's the Admirably Blunt Character, but she still comes across as unpleasant because she makes it more than obvious that she's just nosing for gossip.
Instead of telling Shaunee to mind her own damn business or something, Zoey puts on a brave front about how she "Might as well face this now". She decides that she ought to go with her gut and lie to them about how the Mark was filled in, since she doesn't want to tell about her meeting with Nyx. Or she could, you know, tell them to mind their own business. Whatever. Zoey tells them about how she passed out and conked her head and maybe the blood loss did it. Shaunee huffs about how that's boring and she wanted something "good and gossipy". Considering that it was quite obvious she was going to tell the entire school about it, one has to wonder how stupid she is to expect Zoey to tell her the truth.
Erin refers to Shaunee as "Twin" and this proves too much for poor Zoey's tiny brain to handle, so Damien steps in with "'I'll explain, proving once again how valuable I am to this group, penis or no penis'". What? This sets off Stevie Rae complaining about talking about penises while they're eating and Erin says that she prefers using normal words that people can understand, like "you know when I have to go to the bathroom I state the obvious-I have urine that needs to come out of my urethra" JESUS, HOW MUCH DO I HAVE TO PAY FOR THESE GUYS TO SHUT UP? I'm siding with Stevie Rae, I don't care about your bodily functions!
Shaunee *sigh* brings up how urination and menstruation would be much simpler if common terms were used, and Damien steps in and says that he draws the line at talking about menstruation while eating spaghetti. "'I may be gay, but there's only so much even I can handle'" How charming.
Back to his original point, he starts explaining everything to Zoey and what little plot there was has basically halted for the Suethors to take Zoey aside and infodump everything on her.
Apparently Erin and Shaunee are just so close and such good friends that they jokingly refer to each other as twins. I honestly don't know why Zoey needed an explanation for that. I know a ton of people who declare close friends to be their unofficial siblings or twins.
The "Dark Daughters", the group that Aphrodite is the head of, is supposed to be the upperclassmen who are in charge of school spirit and such things. We're told it's a cross between the National Merit Scholarship, cheerleaders, football players (apparently there are "Dark Sons" as well), and "band fags". Damien insists he used that last one as a term of endearment. I have to ask, has there ever been anybody in the history of the world who referred to the band kids like that? The term I always grew up using was "band geeks".
They wrap it up with the implication that the Dark Daughters give the Dark Sons a lot of sucking and again I have to ask, doesn't anyone just kiss in this thing?
Anyway, the entire thing is rounded off with this
"But what the Dark Daughters really are is a group of stuck-up bitches who get off on lording power over everyone else. They want everyone to follow them, to conform to their freaky ideas of what it means to become a vamp. Most of all, they hate humans, and if you don't feel the same they don't want shit to do with you"
ZeldaQueen: Yeah, and the Cullens are just the epitome of human-loving vampires and it's only the Volturi that hate humans and want to devour them like beef. I'd also like to note that it's not for nothing that this series got a huge "Protagonist Centered Morality" entry on TV Tropes, so I find it rich that we're supposed to look down on these folk for lording over everyone.
At this point, Aphrodite comes in. She's got her perky routine, and I bet she just broke Snap out of Azerbaijan. Erin makes a very obvious joke about how they were just talking about taking out the trash and Aphrodite replies that Erin "would certainly know about that". Biting. She turns around and tells Zoey that she's invited to join the Dark Daughters on their "Full Moon Ritual" the next night. Fantastic, so they're witch vampires. I wonder if the Suethors were aware of all of the My Immortal jokes that they're setting themselves up for? They're practically begging for them!
One thing I don't get - the way Aphrodite words it, it's like the entire thing is her idea and she got Neferet to give the okay. Except...Aphrodite's been nothing but poisonous to Zoey thus far. Why would she get her in their club? Alright, I guess it could be a "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" situation, or Aphrodite trying to recruit Zoey, or even that it was Neferet's idea and Aphrodite's lying, but given how flimsy these people are, I doubt it.
Anyway, Aphrodite is a bitch to everyone and flounces off and everyone bitches about her and we're finally done. God
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Onward to: Chapter 10
Back to: Chapter 8
Back to: Table of Contents
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 9
ZeldaQueen: Folks, there's going to be a lot of quoting in this chapter. I can't help it, the dialogue is just so...so stupid! This isn't Meyer "Look at these big words I know" stupid either, this is "Our research was Disney Original Movies, can you tell?" stupid. So, let's get started!
Zoey and Stevie Rae run off to dining hall for dinner. Zoey thinks the place is nice, but proceeds to emulate Bella Swan and immediately start mocking how they call it a "dining hall". I guess we're supposed to think that teenagers are unfamiliar with terms like "dining hall", and I say that the Cast ladies need to get out of the house more. Oh, and Zoey also spends a bit of time bitching about how sucky her old high school's cafeteria was, and given that Kristen heavily based Zoey off of herself, I'm thinking that Kristen has a bone to pick with her old high school cafeterias.
We then switch from the incredibly annoying, stuck-up teen narrative voice and over to the flowing, halfway decent narrative voice. There's a giant table in the middle of the room with all of these meats and cheeses and fruits and red wine and we're told how it's all set up for the Goddess Nyx. This prompts Zoey to go all mystical on us again, rhapsodizing about how Nyx is still present in the school and has her Temple and her Mark and how Zoey feels so connected to her, and I find it rather hypocritical that she bashed her stepfather for being devout while she keeps going on like this.
Anyway, all of the kids stare at Zoey as she walks by, and she then proceeds to emulate Holly Potter, with "I took a deep breath and held my head high. Might as well give them a clear view of the Mark they all seemed so obsessed with". Or would that be emulating Rose Potter? Either way, I want to smack her.
The girls get in line and Stevie Rae assures her that the food's good and they aren't going to serve her blood or raw meat or anything. Turns out that dinner is spaghetti, which Zoey starts drooling over. She then freaks out, because there's garlic in it.
Okay, I know that the whole "sunlight is painful" thing is going on here so it's not like there's a total lack of reason to believe all myths, but come on! They're serving this stuff to an entire school of vampires. If garlic was really deadly or dangerous, would they honestly put it in? What, does Zoey think that they're trying to poison the entire student body. Now I think I have a spitefic idea...
Stevie Rae assures Zoey that the garlic thing is "total bullshit-pardon my French", but that the blood drinking thing is not. Yeah...I would hope so. Pretty much the only requirement for a vampire is that they drink blood. There have been hot vampires, ugly ones, young, old, ones good with crosses and garlic, ones not so much, ones that walk around during the day, ones that don't, ones with fangs, and ones without. The thing they all share in common? They all need blood.
And the reason I'm stressing that is because I was reading an interview with PC Cast. Apparently she considered having the vampires drink blood to be a "nod" to traditional vampires. Lady, even Meyer knew that vampires drink blood.
Zoey freaks out at the thought of having to drink blood, which is understandable, but decides to follow the Bella Swan School Of Thought and not think about it at all. As opposed to, you know, asking someone else about it. She and Stevie Rae take a seat, and we are introduced Erin and Damien. And here are some of those quotes I promised you. Enjoy
"'Hey, y'all. Meet my new roommate, Zoey Redbird. Zoey, this is Erin Bates,' she pointed to the ridiculously pretty blonde sitting on my side of the table. (Well, hell- how many pretty blondes could one school have? Isn't there some kind of limit?) Still in her matter-of-fact Okie voice, she went on, making little air quotes for emphasis. 'Erin is 'the pretty one.' She's also funny and smart and has more shoes than anyone I've ever known.'
Erin pulled her blue eyes away from staring at my Mark long enough to say a quick 'Hi.'
'And this is the token guy in our group, Damien Maslin. But he's gay, so I don't really think he counts as a guy.'
Instead of getting pissed at Stevie Rae, Damien looked serene and unruffled. 'Actually, since I'm gay I think I should count for two guys instead of just one. I mean, in me you get the male point of view and you don't have to worry about me wanting to touch your boobies.'
He had a smooth face that was totally zit free, and dark brown hair and eyes that reminded me of a baby deer. Actually, he was cute. Not in the overly girly way so many teenage guys are when they decide to come out and tell everyone what everyone already knew (well, everyone except their typically clueless and/or in-denial parents). Damien wasn't a swishy girly-guy; he was just a cute kid with a likable smile. He was also noticeably trying not to stare at my Mark, which I appreciated"
ZeldaQueen: *rubs head* Ho boy...
First of all, Stevie Rae just comes right out and calls Erin "the pretty one". A note to Ms and Ms Cast - when your own characters start pointing out their stereotypes, that is not a good sign.
Second of all - "I count for two guys"? What? Who says stuff like that? How does that even make any sense? Just...what?
Third of all, if this were any other story, I could see the banter between Stevie Rae and Damien as the kind of things friends say to each other - from an outside perspective it's not nice, but they have their private jokes and know what they mean. Given how utterly stereotypical and two dimensional these people have all been? That's just stupid and offensive.
Fourth of all, this is about a good a time to say this as any, but if TV Tropes is to be believed, the Cast ladies' research of homosexuality does not extend beyond chick flicks. That would probably explain stupid statements, such as how most guys who come out of the closet are "overly girly" whose parents are clueless or in denial.
Wasn't that fun?
Damien tells Zoey that they're all glad she's "normal" (sure, as long as you don't count the raging case of Mary Sueitis). Turns out that they were afraid she'd be an Evil Prep. No, I'm not even joking here. There's a group that are basically described by Damien as a sorority, or "hags from hell", as Erin calls them. Damien scolds Erin for poisoning the well for Zoey, so to speak, and then turns around and describes them as Aphrodite and "her stuck-up flock of sycophants". *blinks* Well, that's not judgmental at all.
Apparently the Cast ladies also think that teenagers are idiots, because Zoey is confused by Damien since "sycophant" is such a hard word, don't you know? Stevie Rae gives a dictionary definition and then gets all meek and it's implied that the group in question - the Dark Daughters - found out that she was afraid of them and did something nasty to her.
Zoey is cheered by the fact that they all agree that Aphrodite is a bitch and is about to ask more questions when a new person comes running up. Time for another description quote!
"She was the color of cappuccino (the kind you get from real coffee shops and not the nasty, too-sweet stuff you get from Quick Trip) and all curvy with pouty lips and high cheekbones that made her look like an African princess. She also had some seriously good hair. It was thick and fell in dark, glossy waves around her shoulders. Her eyes were so black they looked like they didn't have any pupils"
ZeldaQueen: I think that description speaks very nicely for itself. The only good thing I can say about this person is that the Casts didn't have her speak "jive" like Meyer did with Diego.
So yeah, everyone give a warm welcome to our Token Black Chick! Zoey continues to refer to the girl as "the African princess" until she learns her name, but I'll just tell you all right now, she's named "Shaunee Cole". Really. We also find out later that she's from Connecticut and is of Jamaican descent. You know, I ran a quick Google search and found no evidence that "Shaunee" is at all a Jamaican name. I did find that it is a variation of "Shawna", which is an Irish/Gaelic name that mean's "God's Grace". Interesting that a Jamaican girl chose a name like that. I know, I know, it could be that she liked it, but given how things have gone, it sounds like the Suethors picked a name that sounded Jamaican.
Anyway, Shaunee is late because she overslept, and she proceeds to complain that Erin didn't wake her up for dinner. Erin replies that she's not Shaunee's mother and Shaunee threatens "Do not make me cut that Jessica Simpson lookalike blond hair of yours off in the middle of the night". You see, it's funny because it references a hot celebrity and teens always love to talk about hot celebrities, doncha know?
Stevie Rae introduces Zoey to Shaunee and Shaunee immediately asks what the deal is with Zoey's filled-in Mark. Everyone pretty much lets out a collective gasp and Stevie Rae goes on about how rude that was and Shaunee is all "What? Everyone was wondering!" I guess we're supposed to think that she's the Admirably Blunt Character, but she still comes across as unpleasant because she makes it more than obvious that she's just nosing for gossip.
Instead of telling Shaunee to mind her own damn business or something, Zoey puts on a brave front about how she "Might as well face this now". She decides that she ought to go with her gut and lie to them about how the Mark was filled in, since she doesn't want to tell about her meeting with Nyx. Or she could, you know, tell them to mind their own business. Whatever. Zoey tells them about how she passed out and conked her head and maybe the blood loss did it. Shaunee huffs about how that's boring and she wanted something "good and gossipy". Considering that it was quite obvious she was going to tell the entire school about it, one has to wonder how stupid she is to expect Zoey to tell her the truth.
Erin refers to Shaunee as "Twin" and this proves too much for poor Zoey's tiny brain to handle, so Damien steps in with "'I'll explain, proving once again how valuable I am to this group, penis or no penis'". What? This sets off Stevie Rae complaining about talking about penises while they're eating and Erin says that she prefers using normal words that people can understand, like "you know when I have to go to the bathroom I state the obvious-I have urine that needs to come out of my urethra" JESUS, HOW MUCH DO I HAVE TO PAY FOR THESE GUYS TO SHUT UP? I'm siding with Stevie Rae, I don't care about your bodily functions!
Shaunee *sigh* brings up how urination and menstruation would be much simpler if common terms were used, and Damien steps in and says that he draws the line at talking about menstruation while eating spaghetti. "'I may be gay, but there's only so much even I can handle'" How charming.
Back to his original point, he starts explaining everything to Zoey and what little plot there was has basically halted for the Suethors to take Zoey aside and infodump everything on her.
Apparently Erin and Shaunee are just so close and such good friends that they jokingly refer to each other as twins. I honestly don't know why Zoey needed an explanation for that. I know a ton of people who declare close friends to be their unofficial siblings or twins.
The "Dark Daughters", the group that Aphrodite is the head of, is supposed to be the upperclassmen who are in charge of school spirit and such things. We're told it's a cross between the National Merit Scholarship, cheerleaders, football players (apparently there are "Dark Sons" as well), and "band fags". Damien insists he used that last one as a term of endearment. I have to ask, has there ever been anybody in the history of the world who referred to the band kids like that? The term I always grew up using was "band geeks".
They wrap it up with the implication that the Dark Daughters give the Dark Sons a lot of sucking and again I have to ask, doesn't anyone just kiss in this thing?
Anyway, the entire thing is rounded off with this
"But what the Dark Daughters really are is a group of stuck-up bitches who get off on lording power over everyone else. They want everyone to follow them, to conform to their freaky ideas of what it means to become a vamp. Most of all, they hate humans, and if you don't feel the same they don't want shit to do with you"
ZeldaQueen: Yeah, and the Cullens are just the epitome of human-loving vampires and it's only the Volturi that hate humans and want to devour them like beef. I'd also like to note that it's not for nothing that this series got a huge "Protagonist Centered Morality" entry on TV Tropes, so I find it rich that we're supposed to look down on these folk for lording over everyone.
At this point, Aphrodite comes in. She's got her perky routine, and I bet she just broke Snap out of Azerbaijan. Erin makes a very obvious joke about how they were just talking about taking out the trash and Aphrodite replies that Erin "would certainly know about that". Biting. She turns around and tells Zoey that she's invited to join the Dark Daughters on their "Full Moon Ritual" the next night. Fantastic, so they're witch vampires. I wonder if the Suethors were aware of all of the My Immortal jokes that they're setting themselves up for? They're practically begging for them!
One thing I don't get - the way Aphrodite words it, it's like the entire thing is her idea and she got Neferet to give the okay. Except...Aphrodite's been nothing but poisonous to Zoey thus far. Why would she get her in their club? Alright, I guess it could be a "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" situation, or Aphrodite trying to recruit Zoey, or even that it was Neferet's idea and Aphrodite's lying, but given how flimsy these people are, I doubt it.
Anyway, Aphrodite is a bitch to everyone and flounces off and everyone bitches about her and we're finally done. God
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Onward to: Chapter 10
Back to: Chapter 8
Back to: Table of Contents