The Huntress - Part 1
Projection Room Voices: You said you needed a break from Breaking Dawn, didn’t you?
ZeldaQueen: Oh yeah, anything would be better than that load of tripe.
Projection Room Voices: Well great news then! You’re going to spork an X-men fan fiction by Keiran Halcyon.
ZeldaQueen: *screams*
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Huntress
The world is a complex and dangerous place. Even more so for a young woman who finds herself becoming something that the world fears and doesn't understand. The struggle for her to find acceptance becomes a journey that will span not only the world but th
X-Men: The Movie - Rated: M - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,760 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 6-19-06
ZeldaQueen: An original character mutant who goes out on a dangerous adventure? Well that doesn’t sound like the perfect set-up for a Mary Sue.
The sun shone down weakly on a rugged mountainous region of land, its rays filtered by low lying grey clouds that occasionally even obscured a mountain as it reached down and hugged the earth. Colors of every type imaginable reached the eye, the soft green of lichen, grass and small trees, the rugged damp brown of rock, the occasional blue as the wind softly pushed the white clouds and allowed a glimpse to seemingly infinite blue of sky beyond.
ZeldaQueen: What in the world? That’s quite an accomplishment author, managing two train wrecks of run-ons in the first two sentences.
Yet, for all the ruggedness of the terrain, interspersed between the mountains were wide sweeping valleys, and draped like haphazardly fallen blue strings over the mountains were small rivers and tiny waterfalls which drained into the valleys. In the valleys through the day shadows of the looming mountains would be cast like a giant finger before the sun.
ZeldaQueen: Which finger? Is the mountain flipping off the sun?
Every early morning the twittering of birds would resonate through the region as they scurried and swooped about the land to find their breakfasts.
ZeldaQueen: How exactly does a bird “scurry”?
In one such valley, if you looked closely enough, you would soon begin to hear a natural sound, but in essence was an unnatural one.
ZeldaQueen: Author, stop trying to sound impressive! Is it natural or unnatural? Make up your mind!
The clip clop of a horse is natural, the sound of its hooves on the earth. However the two horses trotting slowly down a beaten path into the valley, could not claim to be purely of nature; affixed to the undersoles of their hooves were steel shoes, hard leather crafted saddles adorned their backs, and reigns were mounted over their equine heads.
ZeldaQueen: So the sound of horse steps is “unnatural” because they have steel shoes? You keep using that word…
Both horses were palominos with their trimmed manes rippling in the wind and the motion of their bodies as they moved slowly forward. And sitting atop each horse were two rather tall teenagers.
ZeldaQueen: And here we go…
Leading slightly and clearly the elder was a sixteen year old girl, she was slender in figure and shape, but tall; reaching almost five feet nine inches, her loose shoulder length brown hair rippled in the wind and her keen sapphire blue eyes gazed intently, scanning her surroundings. Her face had a pleasant appearance to look at, soft contours melded together, and it was clear that she was of Northern European descent. Her skin bore no makeup but she managed to look elegant anyway, with her fair skin pleasantly brown in the sun; it spoke of many hours swimming or sun tanning. She wore blue jeans that hugged her figure and rugged mountain boots adorned her feet, whilst a thick long sleeved red checkered shirt provided a bit of warmth from the cool to temperate climate.
ZeldaQueen: Hmm, extremely flattering physical descriptions, given in highly detailed prose? Yep, I think we’ve found the Sue.
Following her was a boy; he was thirteen, though he was about a head shorter than her. He had the same brown hair and facial features. Clearly a younger brother and he was clad in similar attire but with a blue checkered shirt and a brimmed cowboy style hat. Slung across both teenagers backs were scoped 30.06 hunting rifles.
ZeldaQueen: Notice, dear viewers, how the girl gets a description worthy of Stephanie Meyer but her brother is told in much simpler terms. Couldn’t be bothered to describe any characters besides your precious Sue, Halcyon?
The girl brought her mount to a halt, her brother following and from a satchel on her saddle brought out a pair of binoculars and put them to her eyes, scanning the valley below.
ZeldaQueen: I suck at grammar, but even I know that there ought to be another comma in there somewhere. Or even that it ought to be two sentences.
"See anything sis?"
"Ja," she responded positively staring through the lenses. "But it's not an antelope, it's just a small hare."
ZeldaQueen: “Ja”? So they’re in Germany?
"Damn," said the younger brother, frowning in frustration. "We've been traveling for almost half a day and not a sign of any worthy prey."
ZeldaQueen: And it might be too early to tell, but would a thirteen-year-old actually talk like that? I’m getting Rose Potter vibes, characters acting ridiculously beyond their years…
"Patience," she said in slightly admonishing tone. "The wind has only been in our favor since we've entered this valley. Hunting is not like one of your computer games, it's an art.
ZeldaQueen: Yep, I think I’m right.
And besides, you're in the Roland Warding section of the game farm, the antelope here are big, old and experienced. And our Uncle has let too many rich dentists in here to hunt in recent times."
ZeldaQueen: “Rich dentists”? Why would they specifically come to hunt? And what’s that got to do with the antelope being experienced?
Roland Warding was a standard of quality for all game animals. If a male antelope, for instance had horns longer than a certain length…it was called a Roland Warding.
ZeldaQueen: Wait, shouldn’t the girl be the one to say that? It just ends her sentence and launches straight into that explanation. Anyway, that’s a rather lame explanation. Why is it called “Roland Warding”? What does the length of an antelope’s horns have to do with its experience? And why was there an unnecessary ellipses?
"But why?" he asked plaintively. "It's making it harder for me get my first antelope."
ZeldaQueen: “Yes, why are the animals hiding? They ought to just come right out so I can shoot them!”
"Because our Uncle is a cunning skobbejak (scoundrel)," she said with a fond grin.
ZeldaQueen: Again, where the frick are they? And the parenthesis kind of ruin the mood. Might be nitpicking, but shouldn’t the author make a note at the end of the chapter if he must provide a translation?
"By making the antelope harder to kill, he's getting more return in his investment. The rich folks still want to bag that elusive kill and trophy but end up coming out empty handed, and yet, Uncle still gets the money for their stay. Only someone with skill and experience can bag a Roland Warding trophy now."
ZeldaQueen: *dully* Thank you for holding our hand and explaining every little detail for us. We never would have guessed it on our own.
"Do you think we'll be able to do it?" he asked eagerly.
"Yes, Klaus," she rolled her eyes, "in case you didn't remember, while you were out becoming a brainiac on a computer I was always outdoors and spent every holiday I've ever had out here."
ZeldaQueen: And it looks like she’s a condescending Sue also. More Rose Potter, I see.
"Of course, I remember," said Klaus in a disgruntled fashion.
"So, anyway, let's continue into the valley, we'll keep hunting for another hour, then we have to start on the journey back," she advised, "and no further talking. The antelope may no longer be able to smell us, but they'll sure to hear us talking and scurry away before we can spot them."
ZeldaQueen: Why can’t the antelope smell them? And wouldn’t Klaus have been briefed in all of this before they actually went out hunting?
"Yes, Melly," said Klaus with a teasing grin.
"It's Melanie," she replied angrily. "Stop butchering my name."
"Sorry, sis," he said, hardly looking it.
ZeldaQueen: Yes, Rose Potter. “I’m going to throw a tantrum for the smallest slight!”
"Keep bothering me," she said warningly shaking a finger at her brother, "and I turn us around now."
Her brother shrugged, knowing she wouldn't do it. As their Uncle had instructed her to get Klaus his first antelope kill and be done with it, the boy had been irritating their parents and Uncle about it constantly for the past six months, ever since he had got it into his head that he wanted to at least do something as 'manly' as his cool big sister did.
ZeldaQueen: If someone could tell me what the author was trying to say there, I’d be most obliged.
Melanie would always head to their Uncle's game farm during school holidays, and it was here where she learned the 'old ways of the world' as their Uncle always put it. She had learned to ride horses, shoot a rifle, and track game, live off the land, in short, all the skills that a Ranger possessed.
ZeldaQueen: Ranger? Oh please lord, tell me this won’t have Lord of the Rings crossovers…
And when she was back in the city, when school was back in session, she had a spot on the school athletic team as a High jumper, but she did not stand out in the sport, despite her obvious athleticism.
ZeldaQueen: Besides being incredibly Sueish, that makes no sense. So she spends every holiday hunting and horse riding and such things and is on the athletic team as a high jumper, and is completely average? Right, I smell anti-Sue.
Her true talent, to the surprise of most of the family, was in martial arts.
ZeldaQueen: Oh no, not this again!
She had seen an exhibition in her freshman year done at their High School by a visiting Ninjitsu sensei, who was promoting his art and his newly opened dojo, just a few blocks away from the High School.
ZeldaQueen: And once again, we see Halcyon’s weird obsession with shoe-horning ninjitsu into his works where they don’t belong! To be fair, I guess martial arts would fit into the X-men universe better than Harry Potter’s, but after Rose I find the idea ridiculous.
When Klaus had first heard of this he could only snort in disbelief and laughter. Ninjitsu in most Western minds was synonymous with the utterly ridiculous cartoon, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and he had teased his sister mercilessly about it.
ZeldaQueen: OH YOU DID NOT, YOU DID NOT JUST CALLE THE NINJA TURTLES “UTTERLY RIDICULOUS”!!!! GOOFY PARODY OR NOT, IT IS HEAD AND SHOULDERS ABOVE WHAT YOU WRITE! KEEP IN MIND, DEAR AUTHOR, THAT YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SAW FIT TO CREATE A NAKED LITTLE PSYCHOPATH NINJA! MUTATED NINJA TURTLES HAVE GOT NOTHING ON THAT!
And what does it mean “in most Western minds”? Meaning that the Ninja Turtles mean something different in the East? Where the heck are they again?
Until a few months later she had issued him a challenge to come and visit the dojo and see her train. What he had seen that night, had made him shut his trap faster than he could say the word 'Ninja'. He had seen how his sister could toss a man almost twice her weight as effortlessly as she was taking a morning stroll. Now, granted, it was only in a training situation, and her fellow student (the man she flung effortlessly) had allowed it, but the fact remained that she could do such a thing, if so inclined.
ZeldaQueen: Of course she could, because she’s a Sue and is corrupting her own brother to be a groupie for her to leech power from.
All this had finally let him come to one conclusion…that his sister despised acting like a typical girl her age…and when he had finally joined her this year in the same High School he saw that most of her friends were boys, and only here and there she had a female friend, he had it finally confirmed in his mind.
ZeldaQueen: For the love of God, lay off the ellipses! The only fan fiction in which it’s acceptable to use so many is My Immortal, and that’s pretty much for the same reason that Rocky Horror Picture Show is the only movie allowed to have singing transvestites. And yes Halcyon, because a girl practices the martial arts and enjoys camping and roughing it, she completely hates being feminine. You do know that not every high school girl giggles and crushes on celebrities and acts all silly and doesn’t do anything athletic. Nope.
Still, he took comfort in the fact that, while his big sister was all these things, she hardly gave a damn for the Internet and computers, bar its obvious benefits as a help in her schoolwork.
ZeldaQueen: What’s with the author randomly capitalizing words? “Internet”, “High School”, “Ninjitsu”, those words really aren’t proper nouns.
And that’s a really clunky way to say what he meant. What’s wrong with “While Melanie was athletic, Klaus was pleased that she wasn’t very good with the internet or computers, except for help in her schoolwork”.
She couldn't sit in front of the computer and make it sing and dance for her like he could.
ZeldaQueen: If your computer sings and dances, then you either deserve a prize or need to get the thing exorcized.
Klaus was already beginning to think he his future lay in a job like IT security consulting or something similar.
ZeldaQueen: So he’s the tech-geek Stu, underling to the athletic main Sue.
But he still wanted to at least get closer to his sister in the 'manly' department,
ZeldaQueen: … Halcyon, I really don’t think that’s what you were looking to say.
so he decided to forsake his beloved laptop and joined his sister during the brief two week October holidays to the game farm. Where he got a basic course how to shoot the rifle slung to his back and ride a horse; he was rather adept with the rifle, (only when shooting from a prone position) and his horsemanship was limited to keeping the horse at a slow trot (he just couldn't get the hang of how to stay in the seat while the horse was galloping).
ZeldaQueen: Once again, your sentence structures are wonky! The sentence end should be after “ride a horse” not “to the game farm”. And if you do that, you can take out the parenthesis and integrate them into the sentence.
"All right," came Melanie's voice, breaking through his thoughts, "that's it, time to go back."
He looked at her in surprise, had an hour passed already? She was staring at the sun's position overhead.
ZeldaQueen: Isn’t the sun only overhead at noon? What time of day is it?
Klaus grumbled under his breath as he guided his horse to turn around. It was slow going, as for a while the horse just kept trotting forward, but eventually turned left in a wide turning circle. Melanie on the other hand had somehow guided her horse to turn on the spot and had to wait a bit for him to catch up.
ZeldaQueen: Because she’s perfect.
"Don't worry, little bro," she said smiling brightly at him. "There's always tomorrow. A hunt like this is not a quick thing…sometimes you're lucky…sometimes you're not."
ZeldaQueen: But Melanie-Sue is always lucky!
"Have you ever failed to hunt anything?" asked Klaus a bit morosely. It was the third day and the third attempt to hunt a Roland Warding antelope.
ZeldaQueen: If this is his third time trying to hunt the thing, why was he asking about it before? Wouldn’t he already have learned about it?
"Of course," said Melanie, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
ZeldaQueen: Wah-wah-waaaah? A Sue? Failed at anything?
"There was that time three years ago during the June holidays, an entire month and fifteen hunting trips like this one, and the specific type of antelope I wanted had totally eluded me."
ZeldaQueen: Something about that sentence just doesn’t seem right…
"Why so picky?" asked Klaus confused. "Why not just hunt anything that came along your way, if the pickings were that dry?"
ZeldaQueen: Don’t use variations of the word “pick” so close together, it’s bad writing. And how does the little twerp know that she came across anything during that period of time?
"I don't hunt for the sake of killing, nor do I hunt for pride or ego," said Melanie sternly, "in my six years of coming here every holiday, I've only killed three antelope, you've seen their trophies mounted father's study. I hunt for the journey, and for being outdoors in this fresh unpolluted air, and also because it's fun stalking the game here."
ZeldaQueen: Oh my giddy aunt…Let’s see, first of all we’ve got another Rose Potter trait: sternly lecturing someone who doesn’t know better while taking the higher moral ground. Second, if you just want the fresh air and to be outdoors, why don’t you go camping, you moron? Third, did she just say that she found stalking animals to be fun?
"Oh, so it's a test of skill for you?" said Klaus in realization. Melanie nodded.
ZeldaQueen: How is that any better than hunting for pride or ego? If she really wants to be self-righteous, wouldn’t she only hunt for food?
It took slightly longer to get out of the valley, as they were going uphill and after an hour and a half both siblings crested the valley and guided their mounts on a due northern direction around the mountain. It took two hours for Klaus to realize their route was different than the one they had used to reach the Roland Warding section of the farm. Here was another of Klaus gifts, near perfect Eidetic memory, once he has seen a thing, he always remembered it, and his memory was telling him that their to and from routes did not match.
ZeldaQueen: Another Special and Unique trait. I guess to be fair it’s not like we don’t know if that’s his mutant ability or not. God help us when their powers actually do emerge…
"Where are we going sis?"
"Oh, we're taking a slight detour to a very nice waterfall," she said, "the horses could use a drink and we could sure use some sustenance as well."
ZeldaQueen: “Sustenance”? Really? What sixteen-year-old uses that word?
And just as she mentioned it, Klaus's stomach gave an angry growl.
ZeldaQueen: (Stomach) “Let me out of this fan fiction, dammit!”
"I've awakened the monster," she said dramatically.
ZeldaQueen: That’s what she said?
Klaus in an amazing display of maturity stuck his tongue out to her.
ZeldaQueen: Hardy har. I’m just splitting my sides laughing.
They had both had an early breakfast, and frankly Klaus was surprised that he had gone so long without a meal, as it was well past midday.
ZeldaQueen: How long were they traveling? Wasn’t it noon when they decided to go back?
Soon enough, they could hear the frothing and hissing of falling water and after guiding their horses around a sheer wall of rock they trotted down and Klaus could only gape at the sight before him.
ZeldaQueen: Made him have to piss like you wouldn’t believe.
From high above a thick stream of water fell of the edge and into a pool roughly ten meters in width. The air was very humid here and he could feel the cold spray drifting onto his skin. The sun caused a refractive rainbow of color as he looked at the spray of the waterfall.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" said Melanie with a smile. Klaus could only nod. "I had the exact same reaction when Uncle showed me this place for the first time, it's what made me choose to learn from him and come back every holiday."
ZeldaQueen: (Klaus) “How could you also have this reaction? You’re a girl!”
Klaus felt quite touched that she would show him such a place, which held such importance for her.
ZeldaQueen: Well it’s not like she owns the freaking place.
Despite the fact that they were siblings, there had been a kind of estrangement between them as she had headed off to High School four years ago. They only saw each other during evenings and since she took martial arts in the evenings, even less time were available to them.
ZeldaQueen: You know, there was a period of time when my brother was in middle school while I was in high school. We still saw each other on those funny times called “weekends”. They do have those in Germany (or wherever the flip this is taking place), don’t they?
It had been a rather interesting mystery to figure out who his sister had become, now that he was also in High School.
ZeldaQueen: Nosy bugger.
They dismounted after coming to a stop at the edge of the natural pool. Klaus had to suddenly use his horse for support as his legs buckled under his weight for a moment, and he felt rather stiff. Melanie winced in sympathy.
"You're going to feel today's riding rather badly," she said, gathering her horse's reigns to let it dangle forward.
"Again?" he said indignantly.
"It takes a while for your body to become used to the pounding," she shrugged. "I suggest you do those stretching exercises I showed you again."
ZeldaQueen: With Rose Potter on the mind, this conversation is kind of alarming…
Melanie walked over to Klaus's mount and helped him with the reigns of his horse. She un-slung her rifle from her back and after doing the safety procedure of opening the bolt and checking the chamber to make sure it was empty and the bullets in the small magazine still in place, she shoved the rifle into the special leather holster on her horse's saddle and turned to watch her brother do the same safety procedure., afterwards, immediately doing the stretching exercises.
ZeldaQueen: Thank you for that pointless filler. That really made my day, reading about Melanie checking her gun.
She pulled and unstrapped her rolled up sleeping bag from behind the saddle of the horse and rolled it open on as dry ground she could find, and after releasing her horse from the weight of her saddlebags, dropped them on the splayed out bag. Opening the flap she pulled out two plastic lunch boxes filled with sandwiches and some fruit, and placed them on the bag, the water canteen also joining them.
ZeldaQueen: For God’s sake, this is an X-men fan fiction, isn’t it? Where the flying frig are the X-men? Where are any mutants? Sentinals? Mr. Sinister? Anything? Do something exciting!
Seeing this of course, caused Klaus to loose all enthusiasm for his stretching exercises and he was soon seated on the sleeping bag and digging in to his lunch box. Melanie, though, ate with more restraint but also wolfed down the entire contents of the box and drank a generous portion of the canteen.
ZeldaQueen: This reminds me of Rose Potter and how she went on about how Ron wolfed down his food while she carefully noted how neatly she ate. But if she eats with more restraint but still wolfs it down, how does that even work?
Melanie closed her box, putting it back into the saddlebags and stood stretching the kinks out of her back and groaning. "You want to try the pool?" she asked her brother.
ZeldaQueen: Oh no…
"Ummmm…no, thanks," he said, gulping. He knew they had not packed any sort of swimming trunks, and that could only mean that…
ZeldaQueen: He’s not. Halcyon’s really not…
Melanie stood and with a slight hesitation (thinking about her brother's discomfort) pulled off her all terrain boots and socks and started to undress, soon enough, all her clothes lay at her feet and without a care in the world walked forward into the waterfall pool and began to wade and drift in it. Letting the water wipe the grime and sweat from her body and even once let herself be briefly bombarded by the residual fall of the water from high above, it was too powerful to stand under directly.
ZeldaQueen: God alive, he did! Is Halcyon really incapable of writing fan fiction without having the female get naked? And apparently Melanie doesn’t care enough about how her brother feels to just not get buck naked in front of him!!!
Klaus allowed himself a brief stare at his sister's nude form, and had to admit from a purely clinical, objective point of view that she was rather beautiful, certainly not fashion runway material. Her skin was evenly tanned all over and though she did not have the breasts his buddies are always salivating after, they were there…a B-cup, he judged. Her hips and waist were well on their way to rounding into full womanhood, her legs were long, toned and athletic and she kept herself smooth between her legs.
ZeldaQueen: Jesus H. Christ, this is Rose Potter in the X-men universe! And this time it’s her own brother who is taking note of how his sister looks in the buff and once more we get the lame “it’s not sexual, it’s platonic” excuse. And it’s not like it’s a general “huh, she’s kind of sexy” casual thought, oh no. He’s going into specific detail about her breast size, tan, waist, hips, and lack of pubic hair.
I’d like to die now, if that’d be alright.
Klaus averted his eyes from that point, as he had felt his objectivity begin to slip and he lay back on the sleeping bag and stared up into the sky.
ZeldaQueen: HIS “OBJECTIVITY” BEGAN TO SLIP AWAY?!? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND, HALCYON? HE’S HER FRIGGING BROTHER! DID HE NOT GROW UP WITH HER OR SOMETHING? BECAUSE THAT’S PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY WAY A GUY WOULD THINK THINGS LIKE THAT ABOUT HIS OWN SISTER!!! PLEASE SEEK THERAPY, I BEG OF YOU!
Melanie stared at the position of the sun and decided that it was time to go; they had to get back to the farm compound before sundown and that left only three hours to make the journey. She judged they would probably be back just as the twilight of the setting sun hit.
ZeldaQueen: So she strips, jumps into the pool, and then decides that it’s time to go. All after making sure her younger brother has plenty of time to evaluate her body. Lovely.
Rising out of the pool and shaking off as much water as she could, she headed over to the saddlebags.
"Come, Klaus, we've gotta get back before sundown, or Uncle will make my life a living hell," she said. Klaus nodded and began to roll up the sleeping back which he had been lying on. Melanie pulled out a small towel from the saddle bag and dried herself as best as possible, which wasn't much.
Oh, well, guess I'd just have to dry naturally, she inwardly smirked.
ZeldaQueen: *rubs temples* Please, please, please, lord Jesus above, don’t let him be setting up for what I think he’s setting up for…
She stuffed her clothes into the saddlebag, bar the socks and boots, and quickly put those on. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Klaus, initially his eyes widened in shock but then he got a contemplative expression on his face.
ZeldaQueen: (Klaus) “I wonder how much I’d make if I sold pictures online?”
Dressed only in socks and boots, Melanie hoisted her saddlebags back on her horse and after gathering the reigns, mounted the horse in one fluent move. She could see Klaus's hands shaking a bit and he coughed. She felt a bit sorry that she was making him uncomfortable, as he mounted his own horse and followed in her wake for a moment, before she saw him encourage his horse to trot alongside hers.
ZeldaQueen: But not enough to put the damned clothes on, I see! And no, being wet is not an excuse.
Soon the hissing of the waterfall was behind them and fading into the distance, as they were soon skirting a nice wide mountain pass.
"You do this regularly, don't you?" said Klaus, trying hard to keep the accusation out of his voice, gesturing to her nudity.
"Yes," she nodded, "as you can no doubt see, I have no tan lines."
"You're a naturist," he stated. She sighed in response to the title.
"I suppose, but in my case, not entirely accurate," she said in response.
"How so?"
"I believe that in an appropriate setting," she gestured around them, "and in the right climate, to wear clothes is not necessary. But our ancestors began to wear clothing for a reason…the cold. Clothes serve a useful purpose, and in that I agree, in our current civilization; clothing often reflects status or power, that I do agree with to a marginal extent, however a naturist believes otherwise."
ZeldaQueen: *breaks down sobbing* I think I’m going to convert to Hinduism. Would Vishnu have let this happen?
Yes viewers, we have yet another martial arts Mary Sue chick that will surely have amazing powers and runs around naked. Hooray! Shoot me now.
"Does Mom and Dad know, and Uncle?" he asked with a frown.
"Of course," said Melanie, she considered herself lucky, for when God was handing out families, that she had been blessed the most open-minded and considering parents on the planet, they were strict but fair, and in her opinion she hoped she could raise her own children in the future in the same way.
ZeldaQueen: No, I’d say they were insane for letting their daughter run around in the elements with just her birthday suit on. How did she even pick up this stupid practice anyway? It’s not like they taught it to her!
"How did they take it?" he asked curiously, staring fixedly ahead.
"Surprised, at first, obviously," she said dryly, "then asked me to explain why I wanted to walk around naked."
"What did you say?"
"God created us in his image, if he wanted us to hide our true appearance from each other, we would have been born with clothes or some sort of natural coverings for our unique attributes," she responded with a smile and a twinkle in her blue eyes. "Why should we feel shame over His creation? We don't feel shame over the shape of the trees, or the color of the sky etc, so why for our bodies?"
"Makes sense I suppose," conceded Klaus.
ZeldaQueen: No it doesn’t! People wear clothes for protection from the cold and the elements, but society has grown so that people feel uncomfortable staring at everyone’s unmentionables. It’s wrong to go around waving them in peoples’ faces and forcing them to go along with it. And yes, I know you’ll do that, Miss Melanie-Sue. You’re a Rose Potter clone and I wouldn’t be surprised if you managed to convince some of the X-men to take up nudism also.
…Oh god, that’s what’s going to happen, isn’t it?
"And I don't want you to be afraid of looking at me in this state," she said sternly.
"What?" he squeaked.
"You heard me," she said, "look at me Klaus," she ordered, her voice brooking no argument. Reluctantly, he turned his head to look at her. "I'm not ashamed and you fear you're going to have a…reaction to my nakedness. It will happen, its natural, even though I'm your sister, it's simply your natural hormones speaking. But there is absolutely nothing sexual about naturism. When eventually, you have seen me for long enough like this, it will become normal for you and nothing will happen. In fact, you will soon not even notice it."
ZeldaQueen: WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER? She is forcing her brother to stare at her while she’s naked! And acknowledges that there’s the good possibility that he’ll feel arousal from it! Has it ever passed through her empty head that maybe he just doesn’t want to have a look? Some people feel uncomfortable and to force them to do otherwise is sexual harassment! Yet another Rose Potter trait, forcing everyone the Sue allegedly cares about to stare at her naked splendor.
"Ok, I understand," he said a bit uncomfortably and the conversation died down as Klaus fell back a little and took his sister's invitation to stare at her nude form, and amazingly enough hardly half an hour later, he found her nudity had vanished from his mind and he could look at her completely calmly.
ZeldaQueen: I can’t believe that there’s not something wrong with that boy. It takes him a half an hour to get over the fact that his incredibly hot sister has, out of nowhere, told him that she is a nudist and is riding around like Lady Godiva? Please Klaus, tell me about your mommy issues.
The journey continued and Melanie found that she had slightly overestimated how long it would take to get back to the farm compound…it seemed that Klaus was beginning to get the hang of sitting on a horse at a faster speed, and as such both mounts had trotted at a fast pace, as a result they had arrived an hour earlier than she anticipated.
ZeldaQueen: What exactly in that sentence warranted the ellipses rather than a simple period?
Soon enough, after crossing a familiar stream, the farm compound came into view.
ZeldaQueen: Over the river and through the woods!
It was situated on a small plain with a looming sheer mountain overhead to its south side. The compound occupied a footprint of about a hectare of land, with an eight foot high fence around it; which was camouflaged with thick green vines growing on it. Various large trees dotted the compound, the largest of which was an eighty year old gnarled oak tree near the centre of the compound. The ground was covered in luscious, well maintained green lawns, which surrounded the various houses on the compound like a sea of green around islands of man made stone. The front gate was a near artistic creation of stone, a sloping stone contour that tapered to each side of the entrance, which was wide enough for cars to enter. On the left side, spelled out in a mosaic of smooth river bed stones was 'Villiers Game and Hunting Farm' and on the right was the Dutch translation 'Villiers Diere en Jag Plaas'.
ZeldaQueen: *blinks*
ZeldaQueen: BE ENTERTAINING, DAMMIT!!!!
Good God, I think that might rival Stephanie Meyer for Pointless Scenery Descriptions.
Melanie continued onwards and when the two teenagers neared to within two hundred meters of the gate, Klaus coughed slightly.
"Ummm, shouldn't you be getting dressed now, sis," he said uncertainly. Melanie chuckled in response.
ZeldaQueen: *buries head in hands* This isn’t going where I think it’s going…
"No," she said confidently. "When I started doing this, six years ago, Uncle hit upon the idea of making his farm a 'clothing optional' place. And he makes it quite clear in his advertising brochures he leaves in the various bars, hiking and gun shops all around the country. Since he did that, his occupancy rate has doubled."
ZeldaQueen: SON OF A BITCH!
Do you suppose Halcyon took inspiration from Neil’s Hogwarts Exposed for this? It sounds weirdly similar to that French Nudist camp that the Potters vacation at…
Also: Why the flying frig would someone want to be naked at a hunting lodge? With all of the stones and branches and rough weather and insects, being nude while hunting seems to be the least appealing thing I could think of.
"But I haven't seen anyone else naked around here," said Klaus in an alarmed fashion, staring around as if there were suddenly going to jump from the bushes a bunch of naked people and yell, 'Surprise!'. Melanie chucked again.
ZeldaQueen: Yes Melanie, laugh at your younger brother for being understandably shocked that he’s been staying at a place with a “clothing optional” rule.
"That's quite simple to explain," said Melanie, "it's been in deference to your first here since you were six years old that Uncle has asked the guests to refrain from doing that.
ZeldaQueen: That sentence makes no sense.
But the guests have been harping him about it, and he asked me to feel you out on the subject today. No doubt when he sees me he'll immediately conclude that I've been successful."
ZeldaQueen: How come in these fan fictions, there’s always a huge crowd of people just ripping at their hair for a chance to go around naked? Does Halcyon think that there’s an under-represented population of closeted nudists or something?
"I'm not going to have to walk around naked too, am I?" asked Klaus nervously.
"Of course not, if you don't want to," said Melanie astonished, "it's 'clothing optional'."
ZeldaQueen: I bet anyone anything that it won’t stop her from trying to convince him to do that though.
And with that the two teens crossed through the gates of the farm compound. No one was immediately in sight at first as they guided their horses along the cobblestone road made for cars, and headed towards the stables. But as they neared the main house, (incidentally the largest and where their Uncle lived) which was closest to the gate, they saw on the balcony of the second floor their Uncle himself standing and leaning against the railing.
ZeldaQueen: Why is this so boring? Are there going to be X-men in this X-men fan fiction?
Uncle Hendrik was a tall man, reaching about six foot two; he had short curly hair on his head which had the first showings of grey reaching through the brown. He had an angular face which could scowl angrily enough to make you want to run the other way, but his eyes were the kindly azure blue that all of them shared.
ZeldaQueen: Yep, Halcyon is infected with Stephanie Meyer Syndrome. If he starts using the word “chagrin”, we’re going to have to send out a team of agents to kill him, or at least smash his keyboard.
He had a strong build with thick, hairy arms and today he wore khaki pants with a khaki cargo shirt, with green shoulder boards showing his Game Ranger affiliation.
ZeldaQueen: IIIIII’m a lumberjack and I’m okay! I sleep all night and I work all day!
"Had fun, Klaus?" he barked humorously.
ZeldaQueen: …the frig? How do you “bark humorously”? Is that like quacking irately or purring condescendingly?
"Yeah," he said disgruntled. "Not a single sighting today."
ZeldaQueen: (Klaus) “But my big sis did unexpectedly get naked. Score!”
"Better luck day after tomorrow then," said Uncle Hendrik. "I see your sister has told you about our little 'option' on this farm. Good. That will please majority of the guests."
ZeldaQueen: Again, does Halcyon really believe that there are people in Europe so desperate to get naked that they’ll go to a hunting lodge to do so? Or does he think that a lot of people actually get off on hunting while naked? Hmm, maybe the hunting lodge is a cover for some S&M action in the woods…
"Yeah," repeated Klaus.
"See ya later, Uncle," waved Melanie,
ZeldaQueen: Oh, so she knows some weird form of sign language? Involves flapping her hand around, it looks.
as they passed the main house and turned right towards the large stables, which housed all the horses. The farm had eight horses that could be used by the guests, while the two Melanie and Klaus were riding were only allowed to be used by Uncle Hendrik and visiting family members.
ZeldaQueen: SHUT UP! DO SOMETHING!
They both dismounted and led their respective horses into the stables and Melanie guided Klaus through the 'grooming and maintenance' of the horse. She showed him how to bend the leg of the horse to check the shoe for any debris then took a large brush to groom the horse clean from dust and finally removing the saddlebags and saddle itself. They restocked the mangers with hay and even threw in a carrot as a treat.
ZeldaQueen: Right, this is so boring that I’m going to tell lame jokes to pass the time. What do termites eat for breakfast?
Oakmeal.
Carrying the saddlebags and rifle slings out of the stable, Melanie stopped and quickly pulled off her boots and socks, stuffing them in the saddlebags. She let out a sigh of contentment as her feet were freed from the heavy all terrain boots, and were padding on the soft grass, and finally she felt truly free and liberated…to her there was no other feeling like it in the world as to walk around completely in the nude and feeling the wind gliding softly over her body.
ZeldaQueen: O_O This is…
Projection Room Voices: Um…no emoticons allo -
ZeldaQueen: Shut up! This is weird and stupid and again reminds me of Hogwarts Exposed. “Ohhhh, clothes are so evil and oppressive that I can’t even stand to wear socks and shoes!”
Halcyon, you really got off on this, didn’t you?
She picked up the saddlebags and rifle again and caught up with Klaus who had stopped only for a few moments to see what his big sister was doing. Soon, Melanie was walking up the steps onto the wide verandah of the main house and walked into it in her brother's wake. They emerged into the entrance hallway; the floor of which was lined in smooth dark floorboards and wood paneling and mounted on walls were nature landscapes; some photographed, some painted. Her Uncle's house had a definite feel of yesteryear to it; from the smell of the air, to the furniture, it was as if you were walking into the eighteenth century.
ZeldaQueen: Why was the chicken happy?
Everything was eggcellent.
There were, of course, modern amenities among all this, electric halogen lights adorned the ceiling, and she could hear the cursing and good natured yelling of the guests at the big screen satellite television in the lounge room, no doubt an important Rugby game was going on. And as she walked deeper into the house, she passed her Uncles' study and saw the computer sitting on the ancient mahogany desk; her brother was salivating over the thing, as it was apparently one of the new sixty-four bit processor machines.
ZeldaQueen: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
A stick.
Her room in this house was a much more modest affair than the one in her parents' house back in the city. Three meters by three meters, all it had was a single dresser, a single bed in one corner and a small study desk and lamp.
ZeldaQueen: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
She dumped the saddlebags on her bed and carefully pulled out her 30.06 rifle and sat down on the bed. She opened the sliding bolt and pressed small button on the side of the rifle, letting the magazine fall out, checking there was no bullets in the chamber again, she closed the bolt and pulled the trigger, with the muzzle pointed at the ceiling to 'dry fire' the rifle. This was to relax the firing mechanism, which if left tensed for too long would cause the coiled spring inside to remain in position, and effectively ruined the entire bolt action. She slung the weapon back into its leather sling, gathered the magazine and placed it on her small desk and placed the rifle on its specialized wooden mount on the wall. This done she pulled out all her clothes out of the saddlebags and flung them into the small washing basket in the corner of the room.
ZeldaQueen: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
She walked out into the hallway again and went next door to check on her brother. His room was similar in design to hers and she found that he had unpacked already and had his 'temporary' rifle (since it actually belonged to Uncle Hendrik) also mounted. He had flung himself onto his bed and had his eyes closed, but his breathing was too fast and deep to indicate sleep, so she walked in and pulled the rifle off the mount and quickly did the safety procedure.
ZeldaQueen: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck
"I did do it properly," he said slightly petulantly.
ZeldaQueen: (Melanie-Sue) “Tch, but not as good as I can!”
"I know," sighed Melanie, locking the bolt and dry firing the rifle. She placed it back on the mount. "It's not that I think you don't know what you're doing, it's just that you can never be too cautious about weapons. The accidents I've seen and heard stories about don't bear contemplating."
ZeldaQueen: (Melanie-Sue) “These strange people keep showing up out of nowhere shouting something about the PPC. I just have to shoot at them so that they’ll go away.”
"You've seen a rifle accident?" he blurted astonished sitting up, "was anyone hurt?"
"Yes, and no one was hurt, but it was a close thing," said Melanie. "And believe it or not, it happened to Uncle Hendrik."
"Really?" he asked.
ZeldaQueen: (Melanie-Sue) “Yep! Right in the buttocks!”
"Yes, it was three years ago, he escorted some guests through the mountains in the Willis Jeep," it was a painstakingly restored model dating back to World War 2, Uncle thought it had probably been used in North Africa by the Americans, "he was sitting in the back with his rifles' butt on his foot, and there was a round in the chamber, and his safety was on.
ZeldaQueen: That…those quotation marks make no sense. Shouldn’t the entire thing be one long quote? The middle part is cut out of the quote though, like it’s a description.
But then the jeep hit a nasty bump in the gravel road and it slipped off his foot and hit the floor of the Jeep hard, the shock triggered the spring inside the bolt action, but it was stopped by the safety…he didn't know this though, and then a few minutes later he saw an antelope and just as he switched the safety off the rifle fired prematurely. Luckily, he kept the muzzle up in the air when he did it. But still, it was a nasty shock to him."
ZeldaQueen: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
"Damn, if he with all his experience could make that mistake…" he trailed off.
ZeldaQueen: Sounds like stupidity to me.
"Yeah, then don't take it personally if I second guess you about the way you handle that rifle," said Melanie softly.
ZeldaQueen: (Melanie-Sue) “I second guess everyone, I’m just that perfect!”
"Anyway, are you going to get some rest?" Klaus nodded. "Good, just do those stretches again before you fall asleep, okay?" He nodded again. "Good." She turned quickly on the circle her breasts bouncing freely and walked out of the room.
ZeldaQueen: WAS THAT LAST BIT REALLY NECESSARY?
In the hallway, Melanie heard that the sounds from the lounge had stopped and when she glanced into the room she saw only her Uncle was there and all the chairs were empty of guests and the big screen was off.
"Is the game finished?" she asked.
"Yes," nodded her Uncle, it looked as if he had swallowed something foul. "Free State beaten by Northern Blue Bulls, forty two against twenty."
ZeldaQueen: Wah? Both the Free State Cheetahs and the Blue Bulls are rugby teams in the South African Rugby Union. Are they in Europe or not?
"Yay for my team," she said sarcastically. She was not an avid follower of Rugby, though she kept up with the scores and who won the league. She could not imagine sitting through eighty minutes of a game and scream, groan, curse and cheer at the misfortunes and fortunes of a team. She tentatively supported the Blue Bulls, only because they were based in the city she was born and lived in. "Have you told the guests that 'clothing optional' is allowed again?"
ZeldaQueen: Melanie is a brat and I hate her. And again, aren’t the Blue Bulls a South African team? So she was born and lived in a city in Africa? I don’t get this, do any of you viewers?
And of course, we must swing the conversation back to nudism.
"I did," he said, a gleam in his eye. "There are a few lovely ladies already out there," he stared out the window, "too bad they are all married." Uncle Hendrik was a widower, his wife had died due to breast cancer at the age of forty, that was just seven years ago. Sometimes Melanie thought, he had only allowed his farm to become 'clothing optional' because he missed Auntie Annie.
ZeldaQueen: He married the Pretzel Lady?
And how the frick does allow people to be naked around him help him deal with the death of his wife?
But she didn't think so. Ever since his wife had died, instead of retreating into his shell, he had gained an unquenchable passion for life, to enjoy the gifts God had given him, and appreciate the beauty that came to his farm. Sometimes Uncle Hendrik would just stare at Melanie when she was playing outside in the nude and his eyes twinkled in appreciation and his mouth smiled in contentment…and afterwards without fail he would thank Melanie for giving him the gift of the vision of youth and beauty.
ZeldaQueen: I…he…they…
Of course, it was not only with her he did this, any female guest walking around in the nude could feel his reverence for their forms in his eyes.
ZeldaQueen: So her uncle is a leech.
Melanie walked up to the window and could see beyond out on the sea of lush grass; that a group of four nude women in their mid thirties were spreading blankets onto the grass and lay down to catch the last half an hour of decent sun. Their voices could not be heard from this distance but the occasional giggle did reach her ears.
ZeldaQueen: How does that work? And why is she staring at middle-aged naked women?
She turned around and spied the remote control for the television on the coffee table.
"Do you mind, Uncle?" she gestured towards the device.
"No, go ahead."
Melanie seated herself deftly on the couch and tucked her legs in under herself and thumbed the remote control. The TV came on the sports channel the men had been watching, showing highlight reruns and she immediately switched the channel to the news.
"…parliament in Cape Town was divided today on the critical issue of mutant rights. By a marginal majority the opinions favor the full granting of human rights to mutants …"
ZeldaQueen: Ah yes, because the X-men canon clearly shows that mutants were favored for the granting of human rights. That’s why they spent several animated series and two movies hiding and fighting people who tried to experiment on them and lock them up.
The scene shifted to a nameless politician speaking from the main pulpit…
ZeldaQueen: “Politician”? Oh God, strap in. Rose Potter flashbacks!
"…we did not fight Apartheid for over fifty years to only adopt a new form of legalized segregation, this time not based on the color of your skin…but based on the very DNA in your cells…research conducted has shown that the genetic difference between a human and a mutant is but a single gene which is either turned on or off…there is no basis for believing a mutant is entirely another species...that is why this parliament, whom presides over the most liberal constitution on the planet, would burn the National flag before it ever considered adopting any form of Mutant registration and segregation!..."
ZeldaQueen: The X-men universe didn’t work like this! That was the main source of struggle - that people saw mutants as threats! Remember from the first movie? “No, I don’t see a difference, all I see are weapons in our schools”? As much as you like “correcting” things Halcyon, you really suck and screwed things over. You just flipped off the primary source of conflict in the X-men universe. What’s next? Are you going to have Thunderbird Ross declare that it’s not Banner’s fault that he becomes the Hulk and the military will stop hunting him?
And correct me if I’m wrong, dear viewers, but in the House of M arc, didn’t Hank McCoy say that there were actually say that there were many genes that made someone a mutant? I seem to recall him specifically making that point when Hank Pym wanted to located the mutant gene.
"Have you ever seen anybody you were sure was a mutant, Uncle?" asked Melanie curiously.
"No," he shook his head, "though it would be fascinating to meet one," he said eagerly.
ZeldaQueen: Yes of course, good old Uncle Hendrik is of course so open-minded.
Uncle Hendrik as his first job had worked as a materials engineer for over ten years, but decided to put his full energy into the game farm when he had inherited it from her grandfather. He was still a scientist at heart, though, and he kept up in all science and engineering journals through the post and the Internet.
ZeldaQueen: Looks like the Sue infection was hereditary.
"Well, if parliament has their way and amends the constitution to include mutants, this country is going to become mutant paradise. We would see mutant refugees from all those idiotic right wing Western governments come here."
ZeldaQueen: Right.
ZeldaQueen: Once again, we see Halcyon busily bashing the western political system. You know, on his profile he mentions that he’s living in “the East” (quick question: Isn’t Asia “the East” and Europe also counted as “the West”?) and goes on to bash Western governments here. Do you suppose that someone’s got a few unresolved issues with the American government?
Also, where the hell is this story taking place? They mentioned Apartheid, so are they in Africa after all? In which case, really? Africa? And they’re using Germanic/Eastern European words? THIS MAKES NO SENSE!
"Well, then you'd definitely see a mutant, Uncle," Melanie chuckled, "you might get some knocking on your door for a job."
ZeldaQueen: Yes, let’s laugh about all of the mutants who will possibly be forced to leave their homes to flee to Europe or Africa, wherever this is taking place.
"If he or she was capable, I'd hire one in a second, we can always use an extra hand around the farm," he shrugged. "Who knows, their unique power…depending on what it is, could also come in handy. Hmmm…someone who could speak to animals…"
Melanie laughed outright. "Uncle, you've been reading my Harry Potter books haven't you?"
ZeldaQueen: Do you suppose this unspecified country will also include mutant labor laws? Because it looks like old Uncle Henrik is getting some ideas…
Also -
ZeldaQueen: Like Harry Potter is the first or only piece of literature to use talking to animals.
"They're good books," he said indignantly.
"I'm not disputing that," she replied with a grin.
ZeldaQueen: Considering that you thought Harry was enough of an idiot to warrant a Rose Potter makeover Halcyon, I find that statement kind of hypocritical.
Melanie began flipping the numerous satellite channels available and after finding only reruns of shows she had already seen on her favorite channels like, Discovery, National Geographic, History and MTV, she switched the television off and walked off to the study to check her email account…only to find that Klaus was already there. With a huff, she stalked off to the kitchen and ate a microwave meal…only to find Klaus was still on the net…she returned to her room and snuggled into the bed with a good book…
She didn't remember falling asleep.
ZeldaQueen: The ellipses…too many… Oh, and what do you call a guy with no arms or legs who hangs on a wall?
Art.
The boundaries of the Villiers game farm was well over eight feet of chain link fence; that was also electrified, with barbed wire twirling on top, which was also slanted in both directions to keep things in and also out. At the northeastern part of the boundary something decidedly odd had happened during the night.
ZeldaQueen: A group of M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. Operatives broke in, dragged Melanie from her bed, and immobilized her with a spork to the gut. They then dragged her back to the Literary Realm to await trial while canon resumed its normal course.
In the earth near the fence, there were the impressions of tire tracks and multitudes of footprints belonging to at least three people were scattered in and around the area. The most visible phenomenon on the earth was a meter wide swath of flat ground leading directly towards the fence in a thick, fat line. And right at the point where the line and the fence met…the fence was cut at least halfway up in a square flap like fashion, almost like a supremely enlarged version of a cat flap on a door…except the tracks that let into the Villiers farm was decidedly too big to belong to a house cat…
ZeldaQueen: This is boring and I can’t follow it at all. Someone take those poor ellipses off of the author!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Project Room Voices: Hmm, we seem to be running over our allotted time. Shall we take a quick break?
ZeldaQueen: *snarls* Let's.
To Part 2! :D
Return to the Sporking Chamber
ZeldaQueen: Oh yeah, anything would be better than that load of tripe.
Projection Room Voices: Well great news then! You’re going to spork an X-men fan fiction by Keiran Halcyon.
ZeldaQueen: *screams*
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Huntress
The world is a complex and dangerous place. Even more so for a young woman who finds herself becoming something that the world fears and doesn't understand. The struggle for her to find acceptance becomes a journey that will span not only the world but th
X-Men: The Movie - Rated: M - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,760 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 6-19-06
ZeldaQueen: An original character mutant who goes out on a dangerous adventure? Well that doesn’t sound like the perfect set-up for a Mary Sue.
The sun shone down weakly on a rugged mountainous region of land, its rays filtered by low lying grey clouds that occasionally even obscured a mountain as it reached down and hugged the earth. Colors of every type imaginable reached the eye, the soft green of lichen, grass and small trees, the rugged damp brown of rock, the occasional blue as the wind softly pushed the white clouds and allowed a glimpse to seemingly infinite blue of sky beyond.
ZeldaQueen: What in the world? That’s quite an accomplishment author, managing two train wrecks of run-ons in the first two sentences.
Yet, for all the ruggedness of the terrain, interspersed between the mountains were wide sweeping valleys, and draped like haphazardly fallen blue strings over the mountains were small rivers and tiny waterfalls which drained into the valleys. In the valleys through the day shadows of the looming mountains would be cast like a giant finger before the sun.
ZeldaQueen: Which finger? Is the mountain flipping off the sun?
Every early morning the twittering of birds would resonate through the region as they scurried and swooped about the land to find their breakfasts.
ZeldaQueen: How exactly does a bird “scurry”?
In one such valley, if you looked closely enough, you would soon begin to hear a natural sound, but in essence was an unnatural one.
ZeldaQueen: Author, stop trying to sound impressive! Is it natural or unnatural? Make up your mind!
The clip clop of a horse is natural, the sound of its hooves on the earth. However the two horses trotting slowly down a beaten path into the valley, could not claim to be purely of nature; affixed to the undersoles of their hooves were steel shoes, hard leather crafted saddles adorned their backs, and reigns were mounted over their equine heads.
ZeldaQueen: So the sound of horse steps is “unnatural” because they have steel shoes? You keep using that word…
Both horses were palominos with their trimmed manes rippling in the wind and the motion of their bodies as they moved slowly forward. And sitting atop each horse were two rather tall teenagers.
ZeldaQueen: And here we go…
Leading slightly and clearly the elder was a sixteen year old girl, she was slender in figure and shape, but tall; reaching almost five feet nine inches, her loose shoulder length brown hair rippled in the wind and her keen sapphire blue eyes gazed intently, scanning her surroundings. Her face had a pleasant appearance to look at, soft contours melded together, and it was clear that she was of Northern European descent. Her skin bore no makeup but she managed to look elegant anyway, with her fair skin pleasantly brown in the sun; it spoke of many hours swimming or sun tanning. She wore blue jeans that hugged her figure and rugged mountain boots adorned her feet, whilst a thick long sleeved red checkered shirt provided a bit of warmth from the cool to temperate climate.
ZeldaQueen: Hmm, extremely flattering physical descriptions, given in highly detailed prose? Yep, I think we’ve found the Sue.
Following her was a boy; he was thirteen, though he was about a head shorter than her. He had the same brown hair and facial features. Clearly a younger brother and he was clad in similar attire but with a blue checkered shirt and a brimmed cowboy style hat. Slung across both teenagers backs were scoped 30.06 hunting rifles.
ZeldaQueen: Notice, dear viewers, how the girl gets a description worthy of Stephanie Meyer but her brother is told in much simpler terms. Couldn’t be bothered to describe any characters besides your precious Sue, Halcyon?
The girl brought her mount to a halt, her brother following and from a satchel on her saddle brought out a pair of binoculars and put them to her eyes, scanning the valley below.
ZeldaQueen: I suck at grammar, but even I know that there ought to be another comma in there somewhere. Or even that it ought to be two sentences.
"See anything sis?"
"Ja," she responded positively staring through the lenses. "But it's not an antelope, it's just a small hare."
ZeldaQueen: “Ja”? So they’re in Germany?
"Damn," said the younger brother, frowning in frustration. "We've been traveling for almost half a day and not a sign of any worthy prey."
ZeldaQueen: And it might be too early to tell, but would a thirteen-year-old actually talk like that? I’m getting Rose Potter vibes, characters acting ridiculously beyond their years…
"Patience," she said in slightly admonishing tone. "The wind has only been in our favor since we've entered this valley. Hunting is not like one of your computer games, it's an art.
ZeldaQueen: Yep, I think I’m right.
And besides, you're in the Roland Warding section of the game farm, the antelope here are big, old and experienced. And our Uncle has let too many rich dentists in here to hunt in recent times."
ZeldaQueen: “Rich dentists”? Why would they specifically come to hunt? And what’s that got to do with the antelope being experienced?
Roland Warding was a standard of quality for all game animals. If a male antelope, for instance had horns longer than a certain length…it was called a Roland Warding.
ZeldaQueen: Wait, shouldn’t the girl be the one to say that? It just ends her sentence and launches straight into that explanation. Anyway, that’s a rather lame explanation. Why is it called “Roland Warding”? What does the length of an antelope’s horns have to do with its experience? And why was there an unnecessary ellipses?
"But why?" he asked plaintively. "It's making it harder for me get my first antelope."
ZeldaQueen: “Yes, why are the animals hiding? They ought to just come right out so I can shoot them!”
"Because our Uncle is a cunning skobbejak (scoundrel)," she said with a fond grin.
ZeldaQueen: Again, where the frick are they? And the parenthesis kind of ruin the mood. Might be nitpicking, but shouldn’t the author make a note at the end of the chapter if he must provide a translation?
"By making the antelope harder to kill, he's getting more return in his investment. The rich folks still want to bag that elusive kill and trophy but end up coming out empty handed, and yet, Uncle still gets the money for their stay. Only someone with skill and experience can bag a Roland Warding trophy now."
ZeldaQueen: *dully* Thank you for holding our hand and explaining every little detail for us. We never would have guessed it on our own.
"Do you think we'll be able to do it?" he asked eagerly.
"Yes, Klaus," she rolled her eyes, "in case you didn't remember, while you were out becoming a brainiac on a computer I was always outdoors and spent every holiday I've ever had out here."
ZeldaQueen: And it looks like she’s a condescending Sue also. More Rose Potter, I see.
"Of course, I remember," said Klaus in a disgruntled fashion.
"So, anyway, let's continue into the valley, we'll keep hunting for another hour, then we have to start on the journey back," she advised, "and no further talking. The antelope may no longer be able to smell us, but they'll sure to hear us talking and scurry away before we can spot them."
ZeldaQueen: Why can’t the antelope smell them? And wouldn’t Klaus have been briefed in all of this before they actually went out hunting?
"Yes, Melly," said Klaus with a teasing grin.
"It's Melanie," she replied angrily. "Stop butchering my name."
"Sorry, sis," he said, hardly looking it.
ZeldaQueen: Yes, Rose Potter. “I’m going to throw a tantrum for the smallest slight!”
"Keep bothering me," she said warningly shaking a finger at her brother, "and I turn us around now."
Her brother shrugged, knowing she wouldn't do it. As their Uncle had instructed her to get Klaus his first antelope kill and be done with it, the boy had been irritating their parents and Uncle about it constantly for the past six months, ever since he had got it into his head that he wanted to at least do something as 'manly' as his cool big sister did.
ZeldaQueen: If someone could tell me what the author was trying to say there, I’d be most obliged.
Melanie would always head to their Uncle's game farm during school holidays, and it was here where she learned the 'old ways of the world' as their Uncle always put it. She had learned to ride horses, shoot a rifle, and track game, live off the land, in short, all the skills that a Ranger possessed.
ZeldaQueen: Ranger? Oh please lord, tell me this won’t have Lord of the Rings crossovers…
And when she was back in the city, when school was back in session, she had a spot on the school athletic team as a High jumper, but she did not stand out in the sport, despite her obvious athleticism.
ZeldaQueen: Besides being incredibly Sueish, that makes no sense. So she spends every holiday hunting and horse riding and such things and is on the athletic team as a high jumper, and is completely average? Right, I smell anti-Sue.
Her true talent, to the surprise of most of the family, was in martial arts.
ZeldaQueen: Oh no, not this again!
She had seen an exhibition in her freshman year done at their High School by a visiting Ninjitsu sensei, who was promoting his art and his newly opened dojo, just a few blocks away from the High School.
ZeldaQueen: And once again, we see Halcyon’s weird obsession with shoe-horning ninjitsu into his works where they don’t belong! To be fair, I guess martial arts would fit into the X-men universe better than Harry Potter’s, but after Rose I find the idea ridiculous.
When Klaus had first heard of this he could only snort in disbelief and laughter. Ninjitsu in most Western minds was synonymous with the utterly ridiculous cartoon, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and he had teased his sister mercilessly about it.
ZeldaQueen: OH YOU DID NOT, YOU DID NOT JUST CALLE THE NINJA TURTLES “UTTERLY RIDICULOUS”!!!! GOOFY PARODY OR NOT, IT IS HEAD AND SHOULDERS ABOVE WHAT YOU WRITE! KEEP IN MIND, DEAR AUTHOR, THAT YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SAW FIT TO CREATE A NAKED LITTLE PSYCHOPATH NINJA! MUTATED NINJA TURTLES HAVE GOT NOTHING ON THAT!
And what does it mean “in most Western minds”? Meaning that the Ninja Turtles mean something different in the East? Where the heck are they again?
Until a few months later she had issued him a challenge to come and visit the dojo and see her train. What he had seen that night, had made him shut his trap faster than he could say the word 'Ninja'. He had seen how his sister could toss a man almost twice her weight as effortlessly as she was taking a morning stroll. Now, granted, it was only in a training situation, and her fellow student (the man she flung effortlessly) had allowed it, but the fact remained that she could do such a thing, if so inclined.
ZeldaQueen: Of course she could, because she’s a Sue and is corrupting her own brother to be a groupie for her to leech power from.
All this had finally let him come to one conclusion…that his sister despised acting like a typical girl her age…and when he had finally joined her this year in the same High School he saw that most of her friends were boys, and only here and there she had a female friend, he had it finally confirmed in his mind.
ZeldaQueen: For the love of God, lay off the ellipses! The only fan fiction in which it’s acceptable to use so many is My Immortal, and that’s pretty much for the same reason that Rocky Horror Picture Show is the only movie allowed to have singing transvestites. And yes Halcyon, because a girl practices the martial arts and enjoys camping and roughing it, she completely hates being feminine. You do know that not every high school girl giggles and crushes on celebrities and acts all silly and doesn’t do anything athletic. Nope.
Still, he took comfort in the fact that, while his big sister was all these things, she hardly gave a damn for the Internet and computers, bar its obvious benefits as a help in her schoolwork.
ZeldaQueen: What’s with the author randomly capitalizing words? “Internet”, “High School”, “Ninjitsu”, those words really aren’t proper nouns.
And that’s a really clunky way to say what he meant. What’s wrong with “While Melanie was athletic, Klaus was pleased that she wasn’t very good with the internet or computers, except for help in her schoolwork”.
She couldn't sit in front of the computer and make it sing and dance for her like he could.
ZeldaQueen: If your computer sings and dances, then you either deserve a prize or need to get the thing exorcized.
Klaus was already beginning to think he his future lay in a job like IT security consulting or something similar.
ZeldaQueen: So he’s the tech-geek Stu, underling to the athletic main Sue.
But he still wanted to at least get closer to his sister in the 'manly' department,
ZeldaQueen: … Halcyon, I really don’t think that’s what you were looking to say.
so he decided to forsake his beloved laptop and joined his sister during the brief two week October holidays to the game farm. Where he got a basic course how to shoot the rifle slung to his back and ride a horse; he was rather adept with the rifle, (only when shooting from a prone position) and his horsemanship was limited to keeping the horse at a slow trot (he just couldn't get the hang of how to stay in the seat while the horse was galloping).
ZeldaQueen: Once again, your sentence structures are wonky! The sentence end should be after “ride a horse” not “to the game farm”. And if you do that, you can take out the parenthesis and integrate them into the sentence.
"All right," came Melanie's voice, breaking through his thoughts, "that's it, time to go back."
He looked at her in surprise, had an hour passed already? She was staring at the sun's position overhead.
ZeldaQueen: Isn’t the sun only overhead at noon? What time of day is it?
Klaus grumbled under his breath as he guided his horse to turn around. It was slow going, as for a while the horse just kept trotting forward, but eventually turned left in a wide turning circle. Melanie on the other hand had somehow guided her horse to turn on the spot and had to wait a bit for him to catch up.
ZeldaQueen: Because she’s perfect.
"Don't worry, little bro," she said smiling brightly at him. "There's always tomorrow. A hunt like this is not a quick thing…sometimes you're lucky…sometimes you're not."
ZeldaQueen: But Melanie-Sue is always lucky!
"Have you ever failed to hunt anything?" asked Klaus a bit morosely. It was the third day and the third attempt to hunt a Roland Warding antelope.
ZeldaQueen: If this is his third time trying to hunt the thing, why was he asking about it before? Wouldn’t he already have learned about it?
"Of course," said Melanie, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
ZeldaQueen: Wah-wah-waaaah? A Sue? Failed at anything?
"There was that time three years ago during the June holidays, an entire month and fifteen hunting trips like this one, and the specific type of antelope I wanted had totally eluded me."
ZeldaQueen: Something about that sentence just doesn’t seem right…
"Why so picky?" asked Klaus confused. "Why not just hunt anything that came along your way, if the pickings were that dry?"
ZeldaQueen: Don’t use variations of the word “pick” so close together, it’s bad writing. And how does the little twerp know that she came across anything during that period of time?
"I don't hunt for the sake of killing, nor do I hunt for pride or ego," said Melanie sternly, "in my six years of coming here every holiday, I've only killed three antelope, you've seen their trophies mounted father's study. I hunt for the journey, and for being outdoors in this fresh unpolluted air, and also because it's fun stalking the game here."
ZeldaQueen: Oh my giddy aunt…Let’s see, first of all we’ve got another Rose Potter trait: sternly lecturing someone who doesn’t know better while taking the higher moral ground. Second, if you just want the fresh air and to be outdoors, why don’t you go camping, you moron? Third, did she just say that she found stalking animals to be fun?
"Oh, so it's a test of skill for you?" said Klaus in realization. Melanie nodded.
ZeldaQueen: How is that any better than hunting for pride or ego? If she really wants to be self-righteous, wouldn’t she only hunt for food?
It took slightly longer to get out of the valley, as they were going uphill and after an hour and a half both siblings crested the valley and guided their mounts on a due northern direction around the mountain. It took two hours for Klaus to realize their route was different than the one they had used to reach the Roland Warding section of the farm. Here was another of Klaus gifts, near perfect Eidetic memory, once he has seen a thing, he always remembered it, and his memory was telling him that their to and from routes did not match.
ZeldaQueen: Another Special and Unique trait. I guess to be fair it’s not like we don’t know if that’s his mutant ability or not. God help us when their powers actually do emerge…
"Where are we going sis?"
"Oh, we're taking a slight detour to a very nice waterfall," she said, "the horses could use a drink and we could sure use some sustenance as well."
ZeldaQueen: “Sustenance”? Really? What sixteen-year-old uses that word?
And just as she mentioned it, Klaus's stomach gave an angry growl.
ZeldaQueen: (Stomach) “Let me out of this fan fiction, dammit!”
"I've awakened the monster," she said dramatically.
ZeldaQueen: That’s what she said?
Klaus in an amazing display of maturity stuck his tongue out to her.
ZeldaQueen: Hardy har. I’m just splitting my sides laughing.
They had both had an early breakfast, and frankly Klaus was surprised that he had gone so long without a meal, as it was well past midday.
ZeldaQueen: How long were they traveling? Wasn’t it noon when they decided to go back?
Soon enough, they could hear the frothing and hissing of falling water and after guiding their horses around a sheer wall of rock they trotted down and Klaus could only gape at the sight before him.
ZeldaQueen: Made him have to piss like you wouldn’t believe.
From high above a thick stream of water fell of the edge and into a pool roughly ten meters in width. The air was very humid here and he could feel the cold spray drifting onto his skin. The sun caused a refractive rainbow of color as he looked at the spray of the waterfall.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" said Melanie with a smile. Klaus could only nod. "I had the exact same reaction when Uncle showed me this place for the first time, it's what made me choose to learn from him and come back every holiday."
ZeldaQueen: (Klaus) “How could you also have this reaction? You’re a girl!”
Klaus felt quite touched that she would show him such a place, which held such importance for her.
ZeldaQueen: Well it’s not like she owns the freaking place.
Despite the fact that they were siblings, there had been a kind of estrangement between them as she had headed off to High School four years ago. They only saw each other during evenings and since she took martial arts in the evenings, even less time were available to them.
ZeldaQueen: You know, there was a period of time when my brother was in middle school while I was in high school. We still saw each other on those funny times called “weekends”. They do have those in Germany (or wherever the flip this is taking place), don’t they?
It had been a rather interesting mystery to figure out who his sister had become, now that he was also in High School.
ZeldaQueen: Nosy bugger.
They dismounted after coming to a stop at the edge of the natural pool. Klaus had to suddenly use his horse for support as his legs buckled under his weight for a moment, and he felt rather stiff. Melanie winced in sympathy.
"You're going to feel today's riding rather badly," she said, gathering her horse's reigns to let it dangle forward.
"Again?" he said indignantly.
"It takes a while for your body to become used to the pounding," she shrugged. "I suggest you do those stretching exercises I showed you again."
ZeldaQueen: With Rose Potter on the mind, this conversation is kind of alarming…
Melanie walked over to Klaus's mount and helped him with the reigns of his horse. She un-slung her rifle from her back and after doing the safety procedure of opening the bolt and checking the chamber to make sure it was empty and the bullets in the small magazine still in place, she shoved the rifle into the special leather holster on her horse's saddle and turned to watch her brother do the same safety procedure., afterwards, immediately doing the stretching exercises.
ZeldaQueen: Thank you for that pointless filler. That really made my day, reading about Melanie checking her gun.
She pulled and unstrapped her rolled up sleeping bag from behind the saddle of the horse and rolled it open on as dry ground she could find, and after releasing her horse from the weight of her saddlebags, dropped them on the splayed out bag. Opening the flap she pulled out two plastic lunch boxes filled with sandwiches and some fruit, and placed them on the bag, the water canteen also joining them.
ZeldaQueen: For God’s sake, this is an X-men fan fiction, isn’t it? Where the flying frig are the X-men? Where are any mutants? Sentinals? Mr. Sinister? Anything? Do something exciting!
Seeing this of course, caused Klaus to loose all enthusiasm for his stretching exercises and he was soon seated on the sleeping bag and digging in to his lunch box. Melanie, though, ate with more restraint but also wolfed down the entire contents of the box and drank a generous portion of the canteen.
ZeldaQueen: This reminds me of Rose Potter and how she went on about how Ron wolfed down his food while she carefully noted how neatly she ate. But if she eats with more restraint but still wolfs it down, how does that even work?
Melanie closed her box, putting it back into the saddlebags and stood stretching the kinks out of her back and groaning. "You want to try the pool?" she asked her brother.
ZeldaQueen: Oh no…
"Ummmm…no, thanks," he said, gulping. He knew they had not packed any sort of swimming trunks, and that could only mean that…
ZeldaQueen: He’s not. Halcyon’s really not…
Melanie stood and with a slight hesitation (thinking about her brother's discomfort) pulled off her all terrain boots and socks and started to undress, soon enough, all her clothes lay at her feet and without a care in the world walked forward into the waterfall pool and began to wade and drift in it. Letting the water wipe the grime and sweat from her body and even once let herself be briefly bombarded by the residual fall of the water from high above, it was too powerful to stand under directly.
ZeldaQueen: God alive, he did! Is Halcyon really incapable of writing fan fiction without having the female get naked? And apparently Melanie doesn’t care enough about how her brother feels to just not get buck naked in front of him!!!
Klaus allowed himself a brief stare at his sister's nude form, and had to admit from a purely clinical, objective point of view that she was rather beautiful, certainly not fashion runway material. Her skin was evenly tanned all over and though she did not have the breasts his buddies are always salivating after, they were there…a B-cup, he judged. Her hips and waist were well on their way to rounding into full womanhood, her legs were long, toned and athletic and she kept herself smooth between her legs.
ZeldaQueen: Jesus H. Christ, this is Rose Potter in the X-men universe! And this time it’s her own brother who is taking note of how his sister looks in the buff and once more we get the lame “it’s not sexual, it’s platonic” excuse. And it’s not like it’s a general “huh, she’s kind of sexy” casual thought, oh no. He’s going into specific detail about her breast size, tan, waist, hips, and lack of pubic hair.
I’d like to die now, if that’d be alright.
Klaus averted his eyes from that point, as he had felt his objectivity begin to slip and he lay back on the sleeping bag and stared up into the sky.
ZeldaQueen: HIS “OBJECTIVITY” BEGAN TO SLIP AWAY?!? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND, HALCYON? HE’S HER FRIGGING BROTHER! DID HE NOT GROW UP WITH HER OR SOMETHING? BECAUSE THAT’S PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY WAY A GUY WOULD THINK THINGS LIKE THAT ABOUT HIS OWN SISTER!!! PLEASE SEEK THERAPY, I BEG OF YOU!
Melanie stared at the position of the sun and decided that it was time to go; they had to get back to the farm compound before sundown and that left only three hours to make the journey. She judged they would probably be back just as the twilight of the setting sun hit.
ZeldaQueen: So she strips, jumps into the pool, and then decides that it’s time to go. All after making sure her younger brother has plenty of time to evaluate her body. Lovely.
Rising out of the pool and shaking off as much water as she could, she headed over to the saddlebags.
"Come, Klaus, we've gotta get back before sundown, or Uncle will make my life a living hell," she said. Klaus nodded and began to roll up the sleeping back which he had been lying on. Melanie pulled out a small towel from the saddle bag and dried herself as best as possible, which wasn't much.
Oh, well, guess I'd just have to dry naturally, she inwardly smirked.
ZeldaQueen: *rubs temples* Please, please, please, lord Jesus above, don’t let him be setting up for what I think he’s setting up for…
She stuffed her clothes into the saddlebag, bar the socks and boots, and quickly put those on. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Klaus, initially his eyes widened in shock but then he got a contemplative expression on his face.
ZeldaQueen: (Klaus) “I wonder how much I’d make if I sold pictures online?”
Dressed only in socks and boots, Melanie hoisted her saddlebags back on her horse and after gathering the reigns, mounted the horse in one fluent move. She could see Klaus's hands shaking a bit and he coughed. She felt a bit sorry that she was making him uncomfortable, as he mounted his own horse and followed in her wake for a moment, before she saw him encourage his horse to trot alongside hers.
ZeldaQueen: But not enough to put the damned clothes on, I see! And no, being wet is not an excuse.
Soon the hissing of the waterfall was behind them and fading into the distance, as they were soon skirting a nice wide mountain pass.
"You do this regularly, don't you?" said Klaus, trying hard to keep the accusation out of his voice, gesturing to her nudity.
"Yes," she nodded, "as you can no doubt see, I have no tan lines."
"You're a naturist," he stated. She sighed in response to the title.
"I suppose, but in my case, not entirely accurate," she said in response.
"How so?"
"I believe that in an appropriate setting," she gestured around them, "and in the right climate, to wear clothes is not necessary. But our ancestors began to wear clothing for a reason…the cold. Clothes serve a useful purpose, and in that I agree, in our current civilization; clothing often reflects status or power, that I do agree with to a marginal extent, however a naturist believes otherwise."
ZeldaQueen: *breaks down sobbing* I think I’m going to convert to Hinduism. Would Vishnu have let this happen?
Yes viewers, we have yet another martial arts Mary Sue chick that will surely have amazing powers and runs around naked. Hooray! Shoot me now.
"Does Mom and Dad know, and Uncle?" he asked with a frown.
"Of course," said Melanie, she considered herself lucky, for when God was handing out families, that she had been blessed the most open-minded and considering parents on the planet, they were strict but fair, and in her opinion she hoped she could raise her own children in the future in the same way.
ZeldaQueen: No, I’d say they were insane for letting their daughter run around in the elements with just her birthday suit on. How did she even pick up this stupid practice anyway? It’s not like they taught it to her!
"How did they take it?" he asked curiously, staring fixedly ahead.
"Surprised, at first, obviously," she said dryly, "then asked me to explain why I wanted to walk around naked."
"What did you say?"
"God created us in his image, if he wanted us to hide our true appearance from each other, we would have been born with clothes or some sort of natural coverings for our unique attributes," she responded with a smile and a twinkle in her blue eyes. "Why should we feel shame over His creation? We don't feel shame over the shape of the trees, or the color of the sky etc, so why for our bodies?"
"Makes sense I suppose," conceded Klaus.
ZeldaQueen: No it doesn’t! People wear clothes for protection from the cold and the elements, but society has grown so that people feel uncomfortable staring at everyone’s unmentionables. It’s wrong to go around waving them in peoples’ faces and forcing them to go along with it. And yes, I know you’ll do that, Miss Melanie-Sue. You’re a Rose Potter clone and I wouldn’t be surprised if you managed to convince some of the X-men to take up nudism also.
…Oh god, that’s what’s going to happen, isn’t it?
"And I don't want you to be afraid of looking at me in this state," she said sternly.
"What?" he squeaked.
"You heard me," she said, "look at me Klaus," she ordered, her voice brooking no argument. Reluctantly, he turned his head to look at her. "I'm not ashamed and you fear you're going to have a…reaction to my nakedness. It will happen, its natural, even though I'm your sister, it's simply your natural hormones speaking. But there is absolutely nothing sexual about naturism. When eventually, you have seen me for long enough like this, it will become normal for you and nothing will happen. In fact, you will soon not even notice it."
ZeldaQueen: WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER? She is forcing her brother to stare at her while she’s naked! And acknowledges that there’s the good possibility that he’ll feel arousal from it! Has it ever passed through her empty head that maybe he just doesn’t want to have a look? Some people feel uncomfortable and to force them to do otherwise is sexual harassment! Yet another Rose Potter trait, forcing everyone the Sue allegedly cares about to stare at her naked splendor.
"Ok, I understand," he said a bit uncomfortably and the conversation died down as Klaus fell back a little and took his sister's invitation to stare at her nude form, and amazingly enough hardly half an hour later, he found her nudity had vanished from his mind and he could look at her completely calmly.
ZeldaQueen: I can’t believe that there’s not something wrong with that boy. It takes him a half an hour to get over the fact that his incredibly hot sister has, out of nowhere, told him that she is a nudist and is riding around like Lady Godiva? Please Klaus, tell me about your mommy issues.
The journey continued and Melanie found that she had slightly overestimated how long it would take to get back to the farm compound…it seemed that Klaus was beginning to get the hang of sitting on a horse at a faster speed, and as such both mounts had trotted at a fast pace, as a result they had arrived an hour earlier than she anticipated.
ZeldaQueen: What exactly in that sentence warranted the ellipses rather than a simple period?
Soon enough, after crossing a familiar stream, the farm compound came into view.
ZeldaQueen: Over the river and through the woods!
It was situated on a small plain with a looming sheer mountain overhead to its south side. The compound occupied a footprint of about a hectare of land, with an eight foot high fence around it; which was camouflaged with thick green vines growing on it. Various large trees dotted the compound, the largest of which was an eighty year old gnarled oak tree near the centre of the compound. The ground was covered in luscious, well maintained green lawns, which surrounded the various houses on the compound like a sea of green around islands of man made stone. The front gate was a near artistic creation of stone, a sloping stone contour that tapered to each side of the entrance, which was wide enough for cars to enter. On the left side, spelled out in a mosaic of smooth river bed stones was 'Villiers Game and Hunting Farm' and on the right was the Dutch translation 'Villiers Diere en Jag Plaas'.
ZeldaQueen: *blinks*
ZeldaQueen: BE ENTERTAINING, DAMMIT!!!!
Good God, I think that might rival Stephanie Meyer for Pointless Scenery Descriptions.
Melanie continued onwards and when the two teenagers neared to within two hundred meters of the gate, Klaus coughed slightly.
"Ummm, shouldn't you be getting dressed now, sis," he said uncertainly. Melanie chuckled in response.
ZeldaQueen: *buries head in hands* This isn’t going where I think it’s going…
"No," she said confidently. "When I started doing this, six years ago, Uncle hit upon the idea of making his farm a 'clothing optional' place. And he makes it quite clear in his advertising brochures he leaves in the various bars, hiking and gun shops all around the country. Since he did that, his occupancy rate has doubled."
ZeldaQueen: SON OF A BITCH!
Do you suppose Halcyon took inspiration from Neil’s Hogwarts Exposed for this? It sounds weirdly similar to that French Nudist camp that the Potters vacation at…
Also: Why the flying frig would someone want to be naked at a hunting lodge? With all of the stones and branches and rough weather and insects, being nude while hunting seems to be the least appealing thing I could think of.
"But I haven't seen anyone else naked around here," said Klaus in an alarmed fashion, staring around as if there were suddenly going to jump from the bushes a bunch of naked people and yell, 'Surprise!'. Melanie chucked again.
ZeldaQueen: Yes Melanie, laugh at your younger brother for being understandably shocked that he’s been staying at a place with a “clothing optional” rule.
"That's quite simple to explain," said Melanie, "it's been in deference to your first here since you were six years old that Uncle has asked the guests to refrain from doing that.
ZeldaQueen: That sentence makes no sense.
But the guests have been harping him about it, and he asked me to feel you out on the subject today. No doubt when he sees me he'll immediately conclude that I've been successful."
ZeldaQueen: How come in these fan fictions, there’s always a huge crowd of people just ripping at their hair for a chance to go around naked? Does Halcyon think that there’s an under-represented population of closeted nudists or something?
"I'm not going to have to walk around naked too, am I?" asked Klaus nervously.
"Of course not, if you don't want to," said Melanie astonished, "it's 'clothing optional'."
ZeldaQueen: I bet anyone anything that it won’t stop her from trying to convince him to do that though.
And with that the two teens crossed through the gates of the farm compound. No one was immediately in sight at first as they guided their horses along the cobblestone road made for cars, and headed towards the stables. But as they neared the main house, (incidentally the largest and where their Uncle lived) which was closest to the gate, they saw on the balcony of the second floor their Uncle himself standing and leaning against the railing.
ZeldaQueen: Why is this so boring? Are there going to be X-men in this X-men fan fiction?
Uncle Hendrik was a tall man, reaching about six foot two; he had short curly hair on his head which had the first showings of grey reaching through the brown. He had an angular face which could scowl angrily enough to make you want to run the other way, but his eyes were the kindly azure blue that all of them shared.
ZeldaQueen: Yep, Halcyon is infected with Stephanie Meyer Syndrome. If he starts using the word “chagrin”, we’re going to have to send out a team of agents to kill him, or at least smash his keyboard.
He had a strong build with thick, hairy arms and today he wore khaki pants with a khaki cargo shirt, with green shoulder boards showing his Game Ranger affiliation.
ZeldaQueen: IIIIII’m a lumberjack and I’m okay! I sleep all night and I work all day!
"Had fun, Klaus?" he barked humorously.
ZeldaQueen: …the frig? How do you “bark humorously”? Is that like quacking irately or purring condescendingly?
"Yeah," he said disgruntled. "Not a single sighting today."
ZeldaQueen: (Klaus) “But my big sis did unexpectedly get naked. Score!”
"Better luck day after tomorrow then," said Uncle Hendrik. "I see your sister has told you about our little 'option' on this farm. Good. That will please majority of the guests."
ZeldaQueen: Again, does Halcyon really believe that there are people in Europe so desperate to get naked that they’ll go to a hunting lodge to do so? Or does he think that a lot of people actually get off on hunting while naked? Hmm, maybe the hunting lodge is a cover for some S&M action in the woods…
"Yeah," repeated Klaus.
"See ya later, Uncle," waved Melanie,
ZeldaQueen: Oh, so she knows some weird form of sign language? Involves flapping her hand around, it looks.
as they passed the main house and turned right towards the large stables, which housed all the horses. The farm had eight horses that could be used by the guests, while the two Melanie and Klaus were riding were only allowed to be used by Uncle Hendrik and visiting family members.
ZeldaQueen: SHUT UP! DO SOMETHING!
They both dismounted and led their respective horses into the stables and Melanie guided Klaus through the 'grooming and maintenance' of the horse. She showed him how to bend the leg of the horse to check the shoe for any debris then took a large brush to groom the horse clean from dust and finally removing the saddlebags and saddle itself. They restocked the mangers with hay and even threw in a carrot as a treat.
ZeldaQueen: Right, this is so boring that I’m going to tell lame jokes to pass the time. What do termites eat for breakfast?
Oakmeal.
Carrying the saddlebags and rifle slings out of the stable, Melanie stopped and quickly pulled off her boots and socks, stuffing them in the saddlebags. She let out a sigh of contentment as her feet were freed from the heavy all terrain boots, and were padding on the soft grass, and finally she felt truly free and liberated…to her there was no other feeling like it in the world as to walk around completely in the nude and feeling the wind gliding softly over her body.
ZeldaQueen: O_O This is…
Projection Room Voices: Um…no emoticons allo -
ZeldaQueen: Shut up! This is weird and stupid and again reminds me of Hogwarts Exposed. “Ohhhh, clothes are so evil and oppressive that I can’t even stand to wear socks and shoes!”
Halcyon, you really got off on this, didn’t you?
She picked up the saddlebags and rifle again and caught up with Klaus who had stopped only for a few moments to see what his big sister was doing. Soon, Melanie was walking up the steps onto the wide verandah of the main house and walked into it in her brother's wake. They emerged into the entrance hallway; the floor of which was lined in smooth dark floorboards and wood paneling and mounted on walls were nature landscapes; some photographed, some painted. Her Uncle's house had a definite feel of yesteryear to it; from the smell of the air, to the furniture, it was as if you were walking into the eighteenth century.
ZeldaQueen: Why was the chicken happy?
Everything was eggcellent.
There were, of course, modern amenities among all this, electric halogen lights adorned the ceiling, and she could hear the cursing and good natured yelling of the guests at the big screen satellite television in the lounge room, no doubt an important Rugby game was going on. And as she walked deeper into the house, she passed her Uncles' study and saw the computer sitting on the ancient mahogany desk; her brother was salivating over the thing, as it was apparently one of the new sixty-four bit processor machines.
ZeldaQueen: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
A stick.
Her room in this house was a much more modest affair than the one in her parents' house back in the city. Three meters by three meters, all it had was a single dresser, a single bed in one corner and a small study desk and lamp.
ZeldaQueen: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
She dumped the saddlebags on her bed and carefully pulled out her 30.06 rifle and sat down on the bed. She opened the sliding bolt and pressed small button on the side of the rifle, letting the magazine fall out, checking there was no bullets in the chamber again, she closed the bolt and pulled the trigger, with the muzzle pointed at the ceiling to 'dry fire' the rifle. This was to relax the firing mechanism, which if left tensed for too long would cause the coiled spring inside to remain in position, and effectively ruined the entire bolt action. She slung the weapon back into its leather sling, gathered the magazine and placed it on her small desk and placed the rifle on its specialized wooden mount on the wall. This done she pulled out all her clothes out of the saddlebags and flung them into the small washing basket in the corner of the room.
ZeldaQueen: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
She walked out into the hallway again and went next door to check on her brother. His room was similar in design to hers and she found that he had unpacked already and had his 'temporary' rifle (since it actually belonged to Uncle Hendrik) also mounted. He had flung himself onto his bed and had his eyes closed, but his breathing was too fast and deep to indicate sleep, so she walked in and pulled the rifle off the mount and quickly did the safety procedure.
ZeldaQueen: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck
"I did do it properly," he said slightly petulantly.
ZeldaQueen: (Melanie-Sue) “Tch, but not as good as I can!”
"I know," sighed Melanie, locking the bolt and dry firing the rifle. She placed it back on the mount. "It's not that I think you don't know what you're doing, it's just that you can never be too cautious about weapons. The accidents I've seen and heard stories about don't bear contemplating."
ZeldaQueen: (Melanie-Sue) “These strange people keep showing up out of nowhere shouting something about the PPC. I just have to shoot at them so that they’ll go away.”
"You've seen a rifle accident?" he blurted astonished sitting up, "was anyone hurt?"
"Yes, and no one was hurt, but it was a close thing," said Melanie. "And believe it or not, it happened to Uncle Hendrik."
"Really?" he asked.
ZeldaQueen: (Melanie-Sue) “Yep! Right in the buttocks!”
"Yes, it was three years ago, he escorted some guests through the mountains in the Willis Jeep," it was a painstakingly restored model dating back to World War 2, Uncle thought it had probably been used in North Africa by the Americans, "he was sitting in the back with his rifles' butt on his foot, and there was a round in the chamber, and his safety was on.
ZeldaQueen: That…those quotation marks make no sense. Shouldn’t the entire thing be one long quote? The middle part is cut out of the quote though, like it’s a description.
But then the jeep hit a nasty bump in the gravel road and it slipped off his foot and hit the floor of the Jeep hard, the shock triggered the spring inside the bolt action, but it was stopped by the safety…he didn't know this though, and then a few minutes later he saw an antelope and just as he switched the safety off the rifle fired prematurely. Luckily, he kept the muzzle up in the air when he did it. But still, it was a nasty shock to him."
ZeldaQueen: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
"Damn, if he with all his experience could make that mistake…" he trailed off.
ZeldaQueen: Sounds like stupidity to me.
"Yeah, then don't take it personally if I second guess you about the way you handle that rifle," said Melanie softly.
ZeldaQueen: (Melanie-Sue) “I second guess everyone, I’m just that perfect!”
"Anyway, are you going to get some rest?" Klaus nodded. "Good, just do those stretches again before you fall asleep, okay?" He nodded again. "Good." She turned quickly on the circle her breasts bouncing freely and walked out of the room.
ZeldaQueen: WAS THAT LAST BIT REALLY NECESSARY?
In the hallway, Melanie heard that the sounds from the lounge had stopped and when she glanced into the room she saw only her Uncle was there and all the chairs were empty of guests and the big screen was off.
"Is the game finished?" she asked.
"Yes," nodded her Uncle, it looked as if he had swallowed something foul. "Free State beaten by Northern Blue Bulls, forty two against twenty."
ZeldaQueen: Wah? Both the Free State Cheetahs and the Blue Bulls are rugby teams in the South African Rugby Union. Are they in Europe or not?
"Yay for my team," she said sarcastically. She was not an avid follower of Rugby, though she kept up with the scores and who won the league. She could not imagine sitting through eighty minutes of a game and scream, groan, curse and cheer at the misfortunes and fortunes of a team. She tentatively supported the Blue Bulls, only because they were based in the city she was born and lived in. "Have you told the guests that 'clothing optional' is allowed again?"
ZeldaQueen: Melanie is a brat and I hate her. And again, aren’t the Blue Bulls a South African team? So she was born and lived in a city in Africa? I don’t get this, do any of you viewers?
And of course, we must swing the conversation back to nudism.
"I did," he said, a gleam in his eye. "There are a few lovely ladies already out there," he stared out the window, "too bad they are all married." Uncle Hendrik was a widower, his wife had died due to breast cancer at the age of forty, that was just seven years ago. Sometimes Melanie thought, he had only allowed his farm to become 'clothing optional' because he missed Auntie Annie.
ZeldaQueen: He married the Pretzel Lady?
And how the frick does allow people to be naked around him help him deal with the death of his wife?
But she didn't think so. Ever since his wife had died, instead of retreating into his shell, he had gained an unquenchable passion for life, to enjoy the gifts God had given him, and appreciate the beauty that came to his farm. Sometimes Uncle Hendrik would just stare at Melanie when she was playing outside in the nude and his eyes twinkled in appreciation and his mouth smiled in contentment…and afterwards without fail he would thank Melanie for giving him the gift of the vision of youth and beauty.
ZeldaQueen: I…he…they…
Of course, it was not only with her he did this, any female guest walking around in the nude could feel his reverence for their forms in his eyes.
ZeldaQueen: So her uncle is a leech.
Melanie walked up to the window and could see beyond out on the sea of lush grass; that a group of four nude women in their mid thirties were spreading blankets onto the grass and lay down to catch the last half an hour of decent sun. Their voices could not be heard from this distance but the occasional giggle did reach her ears.
ZeldaQueen: How does that work? And why is she staring at middle-aged naked women?
She turned around and spied the remote control for the television on the coffee table.
"Do you mind, Uncle?" she gestured towards the device.
"No, go ahead."
Melanie seated herself deftly on the couch and tucked her legs in under herself and thumbed the remote control. The TV came on the sports channel the men had been watching, showing highlight reruns and she immediately switched the channel to the news.
"…parliament in Cape Town was divided today on the critical issue of mutant rights. By a marginal majority the opinions favor the full granting of human rights to mutants …"
ZeldaQueen: Ah yes, because the X-men canon clearly shows that mutants were favored for the granting of human rights. That’s why they spent several animated series and two movies hiding and fighting people who tried to experiment on them and lock them up.
The scene shifted to a nameless politician speaking from the main pulpit…
ZeldaQueen: “Politician”? Oh God, strap in. Rose Potter flashbacks!
"…we did not fight Apartheid for over fifty years to only adopt a new form of legalized segregation, this time not based on the color of your skin…but based on the very DNA in your cells…research conducted has shown that the genetic difference between a human and a mutant is but a single gene which is either turned on or off…there is no basis for believing a mutant is entirely another species...that is why this parliament, whom presides over the most liberal constitution on the planet, would burn the National flag before it ever considered adopting any form of Mutant registration and segregation!..."
ZeldaQueen: The X-men universe didn’t work like this! That was the main source of struggle - that people saw mutants as threats! Remember from the first movie? “No, I don’t see a difference, all I see are weapons in our schools”? As much as you like “correcting” things Halcyon, you really suck and screwed things over. You just flipped off the primary source of conflict in the X-men universe. What’s next? Are you going to have Thunderbird Ross declare that it’s not Banner’s fault that he becomes the Hulk and the military will stop hunting him?
And correct me if I’m wrong, dear viewers, but in the House of M arc, didn’t Hank McCoy say that there were actually say that there were many genes that made someone a mutant? I seem to recall him specifically making that point when Hank Pym wanted to located the mutant gene.
"Have you ever seen anybody you were sure was a mutant, Uncle?" asked Melanie curiously.
"No," he shook his head, "though it would be fascinating to meet one," he said eagerly.
ZeldaQueen: Yes of course, good old Uncle Hendrik is of course so open-minded.
Uncle Hendrik as his first job had worked as a materials engineer for over ten years, but decided to put his full energy into the game farm when he had inherited it from her grandfather. He was still a scientist at heart, though, and he kept up in all science and engineering journals through the post and the Internet.
ZeldaQueen: Looks like the Sue infection was hereditary.
"Well, if parliament has their way and amends the constitution to include mutants, this country is going to become mutant paradise. We would see mutant refugees from all those idiotic right wing Western governments come here."
ZeldaQueen: Right.
ZeldaQueen: Once again, we see Halcyon busily bashing the western political system. You know, on his profile he mentions that he’s living in “the East” (quick question: Isn’t Asia “the East” and Europe also counted as “the West”?) and goes on to bash Western governments here. Do you suppose that someone’s got a few unresolved issues with the American government?
Also, where the hell is this story taking place? They mentioned Apartheid, so are they in Africa after all? In which case, really? Africa? And they’re using Germanic/Eastern European words? THIS MAKES NO SENSE!
"Well, then you'd definitely see a mutant, Uncle," Melanie chuckled, "you might get some knocking on your door for a job."
ZeldaQueen: Yes, let’s laugh about all of the mutants who will possibly be forced to leave their homes to flee to Europe or Africa, wherever this is taking place.
"If he or she was capable, I'd hire one in a second, we can always use an extra hand around the farm," he shrugged. "Who knows, their unique power…depending on what it is, could also come in handy. Hmmm…someone who could speak to animals…"
Melanie laughed outright. "Uncle, you've been reading my Harry Potter books haven't you?"
ZeldaQueen: Do you suppose this unspecified country will also include mutant labor laws? Because it looks like old Uncle Henrik is getting some ideas…
Also -
ZeldaQueen: Like Harry Potter is the first or only piece of literature to use talking to animals.
"They're good books," he said indignantly.
"I'm not disputing that," she replied with a grin.
ZeldaQueen: Considering that you thought Harry was enough of an idiot to warrant a Rose Potter makeover Halcyon, I find that statement kind of hypocritical.
Melanie began flipping the numerous satellite channels available and after finding only reruns of shows she had already seen on her favorite channels like, Discovery, National Geographic, History and MTV, she switched the television off and walked off to the study to check her email account…only to find that Klaus was already there. With a huff, she stalked off to the kitchen and ate a microwave meal…only to find Klaus was still on the net…she returned to her room and snuggled into the bed with a good book…
She didn't remember falling asleep.
ZeldaQueen: The ellipses…too many… Oh, and what do you call a guy with no arms or legs who hangs on a wall?
Art.
The boundaries of the Villiers game farm was well over eight feet of chain link fence; that was also electrified, with barbed wire twirling on top, which was also slanted in both directions to keep things in and also out. At the northeastern part of the boundary something decidedly odd had happened during the night.
ZeldaQueen: A group of M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. Operatives broke in, dragged Melanie from her bed, and immobilized her with a spork to the gut. They then dragged her back to the Literary Realm to await trial while canon resumed its normal course.
In the earth near the fence, there were the impressions of tire tracks and multitudes of footprints belonging to at least three people were scattered in and around the area. The most visible phenomenon on the earth was a meter wide swath of flat ground leading directly towards the fence in a thick, fat line. And right at the point where the line and the fence met…the fence was cut at least halfway up in a square flap like fashion, almost like a supremely enlarged version of a cat flap on a door…except the tracks that let into the Villiers farm was decidedly too big to belong to a house cat…
ZeldaQueen: This is boring and I can’t follow it at all. Someone take those poor ellipses off of the author!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Project Room Voices: Hmm, we seem to be running over our allotted time. Shall we take a quick break?
ZeldaQueen: *snarls* Let's.
To Part 2! :D
Return to the Sporking Chamber