Blah to the power of two

[zendej]

Right now we could be called a perfect family. We don't argue, we try to predict each other wishes, we hug and sometimes even kiss, we hold hands and talk a lot about everything, but with each passing day, it feels like we're getting further and further away from each other physically. I suspect she's losing attraction to me. I think the same goes

Comments

[bkwrrm_tx]

Depression is a possibilty. My libido has changed drastically over the years, and most of it is attributible to either the depression or the medication.

Just keep trying to stay close. It might come back, and if it doesn't, to me having a good relationship is more than just sex.

[zendej]

We do have understanding and good relationship, but man's got needs and i think she's got needs to, although she probably suppresses them. I just don't know why.

[fenmere]

I think if you can talk about it with her without making a big deal out of it, basically asking her what she thinks, that's the most important thing. If you can agree on whether or not it's important and maybe start thinking about things to do to compensate (either just talking more, or deliberately playing when you don't feel like it, or just agreeing to wait and see where it goes), then you've got a leg up on the situation.

If this were happening between me and my fiancee, for instance, we'd talk about all the good things that are going on between us, then we'd talk about our urges and whether or not they're being satisfied. If both of us had fewer urges than we expect, then we'd say, "let me know when you're ready again, and let's have at it. Until then let's enjoy a lower activity for a while. If this goes on longer than three months, let's do something about it then."

Or something like that.

But it's gotta be different for every couple, I know.

[zendej]

Oh, i'm gotta be the most patient man in the whole wide world. I bring it up, either playfully, or sometimes roughly, or any other way she likes it and if there is any doubts in her eyes i usually step back, respecting her wishes. I just hate being DINS (dual-income-no-sex) couple.
Talking helps and when we talk we always agree on most of the stuff, but when it comes to action, all of the agreements are quickly forgotten.

[playgirl]

Hugs, kisses, holding hands and conversation is so very important to a relationship, and you both have it. I'm sure the sex part is only a temporary little problem right now, and you'll eventually work it out.
Hugs!

[zendej]

Thank you, that's very sweet of you.

[jazzjack]

It means you're growing up. My old (and I mean OLD) friends tell me that they don't really care about sex much anymore because they've matured past it. Otherwise you need a kickstart of something kinky maybe.

[nelsonlovestory]

I don't think that my husband will ever ever ever let down his desires and needs of wanting to have intimacy almost everyday.

[zendej]

I agree, i don't think anybody would grow out of sex. I think sex goes through stages and after awhile takes this new elevated meaning, but never other way around. If you don't want sex anymore, there is gotta be something wrong with you or your partner, or you just don't excite each other anymore.

[zendej]

I can't agree, I've known people past their 70 and still wanted it like they were 20. You can't mature past it, it's like food, air or water. You obviously can survive without it, but it's important for physical and mental well-being.

[bunnydeville]

It happens in every long term relationship, from what I've heard.

[zendej]

i'm trying to avoid it, and if it's impossible - then fix it somehow.

[thesociopath]

It happens in every long term relationship, from what I've heard.

I call BS. I'm going on six years with my spouse next spring, and we're more intimate now (and more desiring of it) then we were during the fresh-in-love days. Lying in bed next to her gets me excited, and her the same. I can't say there's a secret to it, but I can tell you from my own personal experience (and other long-termers I know, such as my in-laws, whose candle burns brighter then most porn stars) that the whole "all long relationships have a sex die-off" theory is bupkis.

[zendej]

we either lost the flame, or maybe never had it, but i completely agree it has nothing to do with the length of the term.