Wandering farther...

[zendragon]

I wondered (or wandered) just now why it was I was brought to this point in my life, finally starting to be happy for happiness sake, only to start second guessing myself as to the real reasoning behind all of this

Comments

[oakparkgirl]

Every once in awhile I get in funks, might not be the same as yours but they are funks nonetheless. I feel terrible for getting into funks, I seemingly "have it all" right? But yeah, once in a while it's just not good enough and I don't know what it is cause I can't pinpoint anything major in my life that isn't wonderful or at least solidly good. Overall I am very, very happy but that tiny voice in my head seems to nag at me, and makes me paranoid about what could go wrong. Like a really menacing Kazoo, OK so he was menacing already.

Not sure how new this is for you, but seems somewhere around 30 I started questioning everything. 33 is harder than 30, for whatever reason. I second guess most of my big decisions, ans wonder what would life be like if I'd made a different choice. I know deep down it is not productive, possibly unhealthy if I let myself obsess too much, but I can't stop.

Now I am rambling. My main intention here was really just ::hugs::

[zendragon]

Thx for the hugs.

Yeah, I think you "get me" based on what you said.

I'm starting to feel like the line from "One Headlight" by the Walflowers:

"Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same"

I think I'm starting to deal with it a little better but I still get that "I don't belong anywhere" feeling alot.

[jimidragon]

Well, find a 21-year-old Ferrari that smells like ass that originated in Vegas and you can have SOME of that weird mid-life necessity....even though it's all wrong.

If this is what happens during a midlife crisis, then I have been having one for 6 years now, and I'll be dead at 50, if that.

The only thing I can think of is to write down all the things that make you happy and mark down when they make you happy, whether it's daily, weekly, monthly, or even yearly.

Also, if there is something you would like to do that is out of the norm, see what you can do to make the experience happen, or get close enough to that experience to fulfill it through substitution.

[zendragon]

"Well, find a 21-year-old Ferrari that smells like ass that originated in Vegas and you can have SOME of that weird mid-life necessity....even though it's all wrong."

ROFL, yeah bro, that was completely all wrong on so many levels.

I have actually been attempting to do as much as I can that does make me happy. It works in the respect that I completely lose myself in the moment and everything else goes away.

As I said to oakparkgirl above, I still can't shake the "I don't belong anywhere" feeling sometimes. It kinda unnerves me at times and I can embrace it at other times.