Comments | zephyrly: 8: Automatic Typewriter

zephyrly

8: Automatic Typewriter

Mar 15, 2013 20:19

“But just look at it!” Rowan's voice punched the late summer night like the rapid Morse code of fireflies, just as frantic as for a mate to fall against -- bug for bug; sound to cochlea. “Did you notice this part right here? Right here. See it ( Read more... )

Comments 33

impoetry March 16 2013, 01:27:46 UTC

Whatever it is that you're writing, it's excellent and your word choices are stellar. This is gripping. Well done.

zephyrly March 16 2013, 01:38:30 UTC

Thank you.

It's an old story that I never really finished, or was never completely happy with. I actually got the idea a few years ago when I was -- believe it or not -- getting a tattoo. Of a typewriter. With an anatomical heart. On my arm. I was actually scribbling down notes while I was getting inked. It took four and a half hours, and the pain never registered.

impoetry March 16 2013, 01:57:22 UTC

Yay for finishing old stories! That's always a good thing. It's funny how sometimes our experiences, including pain we've suffered, comes out in our art. Glad you finally worked through this.

roina_arwen March 16 2013, 18:09:06 UTC

Haven't read this yet (it's very long, and I don't want to rush through it), but just FYI you may want to edit your topic link (yes it is posted in the right place) to include what your topic was, and you may also want to list your topic at either the top or bottom of the piece itself.

Edited to add: Gary wants you to edit your *initial* post in the topic thread, not add a new comment to it. It's easier to keep count that way.

zephyrly March 16 2013, 18:17:56 UTC

It's longer than it has any business being. I know. But that's what the story made me do. It's not entirely my fault.

Oh, okay. I'll go do the proper editing.

roina_arwen March 16 2013, 18:23:21 UTC

I don't mind the length, I just wanted to let you know about the topic thread link, and we're not to comment on comments there. :)

zephyrly March 16 2013, 19:14:30 UTC

Thanks for the heads up. I had no idea what I was doing. Like, literally, this was me: http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/20452344.jpg

Also, Spiderman Thread!

(The comment has been removed)

zephyrly March 17 2013, 08:55:09 UTC

Thanks for reading the whole thing. I know it's really long, so I appreciate you going all the way to the end.

zephyrly March 17 2013, 19:34:22 UTC

My last comment was made at like four in the morning, and I hadn't really slept. Sorry about that. So, I'd like to expand a bit ( ... )

xo_kizzy_xo March 19 2013, 20:59:34 UTC

I never heard of that folk tale before, but then again I'm not very well-versed in Irish folklore. Even without that, what you've written here...I was spellbound, whether it was Rowan and the tattoo or with Nigel or with the pooka.

You sit down to write one thing, and you end up with something else. You know, just like the story says. So, I'm not sure if I failed the topic or not. I guess you'll just have to ask the story itself. I had no control over it.

The Muse works in mysterious ways ;)

Thread 5

roina_arwen March 17 2013, 20:21:51 UTC

This was excellently done, and well worth every word. :)

Three minor editorial suggestions, one here:
“Is that what you think we do, Rowan Flannery? My goodness. I apologize because I fear that you misunderstand me, fundamentally. In a sense you might be right, yes. But -- Well, I didn't want to bring this up; unfortunately, you leave me no choice.

“Whatever happened to Rhiannon Tierney?”

This is in the middle of a whole lot of conversation, and it is hard for the reader (or at least me) to tell who asked the question about Rhiannon. So my suggestion is to either make the question part of the preceding paragraph, or add "he asked" onto the end of the question, because if the reader expects he-she-he-she lines, but it is broken into he-he-she-he lines, then it requires going back to re-read the section.

Secondly: A winding narrative told the tale of a pooka who had spent an eternity of watching writers twist and burn --very minor, but the sentence is cleaner if you remove the word "of" after eternity (ie: ...spent an eternity ( ... )

zephyrly March 18 2013, 00:09:06 UTC

Edits done. Thank you so much!

myrna_bird March 20 2013, 15:23:40 UTC

Wow! I had no idea of the length until I saw other comments and I looked back. I was totally drawn into the entire story and just kept reading till the end. I found it fascinating and even educational about the Irish lore. Great job! :)

zephyrly March 20 2013, 16:48:26 UTC

Thanks!

In a comment above this one, I made a suggestion on a book of Irish folklore. It's really, really good stuff. Yeah, I grew up with it and can't imagine what my life would be without that foundation. But, wow, they're amazing stories.

I kind of like the idea of bringing them into the 21st century so they don't die off completely. It's like my job or something.