Comments | zerl: New HP shortfic [Heavy-ish HBP Spoilers]

zerl

New HP shortfic [Heavy-ish HBP Spoilers]

Jul 27, 2005 03:41

So what was I doing while being stuck in endless queues enjoying the expo, and being stuck on unmoving trains coming back to my home that was thankfully intact from the earthquake ( Read more... )

fic, hbp, hp

Comments 13

concrit/betaing indywind July 27 2005, 12:47:11 UTC

No noticeable grammar errors. "Ridded" in the last sentence reads awkwardly; "rid" is an alternative conjugation but I'm not sure it's better. Try a different word? That line is so important, it shouldn't have any avoidable awkwardness in it. I had a hard time following the action, but perhaps this is because I have not read the book. Still I wonder if a focused 3rd person POV might better allow you to both set the scene and focus on Snape's powerful, conflicted emotions. Just my thoughts.

But more importantly--this was your first (in English)? You go, girl! You should write more!

Re: concrit/betaing zerl July 27 2005, 13:31:12 UTC

Thank you so much for your crit! Aw, but you haven't read the book? You must!! I'm sorry to have spoiled it for you ( ... )

Re: concrit/betaing indywind July 28 2005, 11:57:06 UTC

The last line--the idea is strong; i could feel what you were trying for.

In fact, all along I could feel that you were trying for that tension between feeling deeply and having to repress those emotions even more strongly. It's an unbearable position.

Likely I'll get around to reading the book eventually, when I'm caught up on my other reading... ::eyes undiminishing "to be read" stack suspiciously:: Mostly I like the fanon better than the canon in HP, though.

And zerl July 27 2005, 13:35:18 UTC

But more importantly--this was your first (in English)?

In HP, yes. In DS I wrote another short one, way back when. Thanks for your encouragement! It really means a lot to me.

utopiarebel August 3 2005, 03:16:48 UTC

Now taht I'm done with the book I liked it a lot :D I love Dumbledore and Snape way too much, awh.

zerl August 3 2005, 12:17:18 UTC

Aw, thanks!

(...Can't take my eyes off your icon. Guh! :D)

mandrill August 21 2005, 08:20:34 UTC

Hello. I saw your response to cruisedirector's new Lupin/Snape fanfic and noticed your Snape icon (with the superimposed Japanese writing on it) and dropped by to read some of your LiveJournal posts. I hope you don't mind. :=)

I wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed this short story about Snape and Dumbledore. It was touching and very well-written.

I also found your theory about The Fetus!Demon and Voldemort to be very interesting and clever.

zerl August 21 2005, 08:46:40 UTC

Do I mind? Am I insane?

I actually flaunt that thing all over HP fandom in the vain hopes of catching some stray native Japanese speakers that might be out there.*g* Never thought it'd lure in an English speaker... This makes me inordinately happy.

Thank you so much for your kind comments! They really mean a lot to me.

cruisedirector August 24 2005, 23:18:40 UTC

Hey you! I posted a mandrill for you the other day with my zoo photos and figured you were not reading. *g*

mandrill August 25 2005, 09:36:36 UTC

Oooh! *scutters over to cruisedirector's LJ to look at hawt pretty mandrill photos!* Thanks! :=)

I'm really behind on reading my friend's list!

cruisedirector August 24 2005, 23:17:12 UTC

I wound up here circuitously from this comment by yukipon (and I never did find the rec, but thank you). But I found this instead, and you have no idea how happy you have made me...I keep begging people for Snape/Dumbledore and they keep looking at me funny. I do wonder whether Snape's Occlumency is as good as he thinks, because the ONLY reason Dumbledore would have trusted Snape so much, I think, is love -- guilt and the desire for vengeance would not be enough. I fear that in canon we will learn that Snape did it all for love of Lily Evans or some torrid cliche, but this just works so well for me...

zerl August 26 2005, 18:21:53 UTC

Oh, I recced you to Yukipon and her friends on her Japanese LJ for HBP spoiler discussions, over here. Harry Potter fandom is so cross-cultural like you wouldn't believe. Esp. to me, since I came in from Due South... I'm loving all this interaction between English and Japanese-speaking fandoms ( ... )

cruisedirector August 27 2005, 04:18:58 UTC

Thank you! I have never even seen dS, believe it or not. It's funny, I have a much bigger problem with the age difference in Snape/Harry than Snape/Dumbledore, I think because Harry is still so obviously a child in so many ways whereas Snape has been an adult certainly since he left Voldemort's service...

My new vote for the love that transformed Snape is Regulus (A.) Black. If we assume that he abandoned Voldemort and he died for it, then he and Snape have a great deal in common, and moreover it would explain why Sirius hates Snape so much, if he thinks Snape was involved in the corruption of his little brother...