The Ballad of Tristram Eary, part two of two
(First part is here)
Title: The Ballad of Tristram Eary (pt. 2)
Genre: Victorian AU, Comedy
Pairings: Hints of Kafuka/Nozomu
Summary: Midwich Park, London, 9 November 1888 - a day that changed Mr. Tristram Eary's life forever.
THE BALLAD OF TRISTRAM EARY
(part two)
IV. A Trap for Elf
Stumbling, he rose. "Once more, I fail
To cease my life of sin."
(He thought he heard the keening wail
Of distant violin.)
"But, Sir, you'd die by suicide?"
She haltingly began.
"The papers speak of suicide...
But only in Japan!
Who dies in Spring, when Nature wears
Her gown of green and blue?
O, spring! I whiff your lovely airs -"
"- I heard the first time through!"
He sighed and said, "My methods, Miss,
Could not be called discreet.
I wouldn't die? Then what is this?"
The noose lay at his feet.
She turned it over, thought with care,
Its purpose to assay.
"Aha!" she said, "A woven snare,
A trap for traipsing fey!
For when a faery's hands are tied,
She'll give you all her gold!
That's why my PAPA tried and tried
When all our things were sold.
My MAMA set a trap as well,
But tripped and caught her neck,
The neighbours say she's gone -"
"Don't tell!
Already I'm a wreck!"
"But yes, that is a trap for elf!"
She said, with emphasis.
"No man could think to 'off himself'
On such a day as this!"
V. A Digression on Naming Rights
"The wabe is green, the grass is green,
Green oaks enshade the park:
GREEN GABRIEL, GREEN FAERIE QUEENE,
GREEN PATENT-OFFICE CLERK!" [1]
"GREEN OFFICE CLERK?" "GREEN OFFICE CLERK!"
She said, with perfect sense.
"I named him CLERK upon a lark
A half-a-minute hence."
"You musn't christen on a whim,"
Frowned TRISTRAM, "Hoi polloi -"
She cut in, interrupting him:
"You're now GREEN OFFICE BOY!"
"GREEN OFFICE BOY?" "That's right, I'm sure.
I found you 'neath the clerk!"
"I daresay that seems premature,"
He hastened to remark.
"Where're your naming rights, dubbing and claiming rights?
Nowadays that is the claim to a name!
Companies drumming their dull and defaming rights,
Sell us their name and their fame without shame!
WESTMINSTER ABBEY is dealing in brewage!
BUCKINGHAM PALACE is BENNETTON'S GREEN!
The THAMES is the PUNCH (and is thus filled with sewage), [2]
The STRAND has been auctioned to STRAND MAGAZINE!
Most names (I grieve to say 'tis so)
Are corporately-owned,
Young-Maid-Whose-Name-I-Do-Not-Know
Who-Goes-Unchaperoned."
[1] To American readers: the pronunciation of "clerk" here rhymes with "park."
[2] The Author wishes to inform his public, as well as his editors at Punch, that Mr. Eary's opinions do not reflect his own in any way, and should be taken as the merest vagary of a delusional man.
VI. The Bargain
"How rude of me!" she said, "That's true,"
And curtsey'd, tipped her fan.
"I'm CHARLOTTE PERKINS! How-de-do?"
(Her real name was ANNE.)
"To buy a name, you reimburse
The cost - I understand!"
She plucked a penny from her purse,
And pressed it in his hand.
"But why hunt faerie, OFFICE BOY?"
She said, and stood half-hushed,
"You seem so wealthy, OFFICE BOY,"
She said, and stared. He blushed.
A girl who saw no misery,
A man who saw no good;
A meeting never meant to be -
Yet, somehow, there they stood.
He broke the silence. "Even you
Would buy me on the spot?
Ah, quelle horreur! Ah, sacre bleu!"
(He spoke that way a lot.)
"I'm in despair!" he cried, and hurled
His stipend in the air.
"This tawdry, simoniacal world
Has left me in despair!"
And as he fled, she cocked her head,
And whispered while he ran,
"Oh,
isn't
he
a
charming
and
a
most
peculiar
man?"
CHORUS.
T. EARY's duck-a-deary,
She fluttered by his side,
A graceful girl and cheery,
With face in quiet query,
And eyes intense and eerie -
So eerie and so wide!
THE END
Title: The Ballad of Tristram Eary (pt. 2)
Genre: Victorian AU, Comedy
Pairings: Hints of Kafuka/Nozomu
Summary: Midwich Park, London, 9 November 1888 - a day that changed Mr. Tristram Eary's life forever.
THE BALLAD OF TRISTRAM EARY
(part two)
IV. A Trap for Elf
Stumbling, he rose. "Once more, I fail
To cease my life of sin."
(He thought he heard the keening wail
Of distant violin.)
"But, Sir, you'd die by suicide?"
She haltingly began.
"The papers speak of suicide...
But only in Japan!
Who dies in Spring, when Nature wears
Her gown of green and blue?
O, spring! I whiff your lovely airs -"
"- I heard the first time through!"
He sighed and said, "My methods, Miss,
Could not be called discreet.
I wouldn't die? Then what is this?"
The noose lay at his feet.
She turned it over, thought with care,
Its purpose to assay.
"Aha!" she said, "A woven snare,
A trap for traipsing fey!
For when a faery's hands are tied,
She'll give you all her gold!
That's why my PAPA tried and tried
When all our things were sold.
My MAMA set a trap as well,
But tripped and caught her neck,
The neighbours say she's gone -"
"Don't tell!
Already I'm a wreck!"
"But yes, that is a trap for elf!"
She said, with emphasis.
"No man could think to 'off himself'
On such a day as this!"
V. A Digression on Naming Rights
"The wabe is green, the grass is green,
Green oaks enshade the park:
GREEN GABRIEL, GREEN FAERIE QUEENE,
GREEN PATENT-OFFICE CLERK!" [1]
"GREEN OFFICE CLERK?" "GREEN OFFICE CLERK!"
She said, with perfect sense.
"I named him CLERK upon a lark
A half-a-minute hence."
"You musn't christen on a whim,"
Frowned TRISTRAM, "Hoi polloi -"
She cut in, interrupting him:
"You're now GREEN OFFICE BOY!"
"GREEN OFFICE BOY?" "That's right, I'm sure.
I found you 'neath the clerk!"
"I daresay that seems premature,"
He hastened to remark.
"Where're your naming rights, dubbing and claiming rights?
Nowadays that is the claim to a name!
Companies drumming their dull and defaming rights,
Sell us their name and their fame without shame!
WESTMINSTER ABBEY is dealing in brewage!
BUCKINGHAM PALACE is BENNETTON'S GREEN!
The THAMES is the PUNCH (and is thus filled with sewage), [2]
The STRAND has been auctioned to STRAND MAGAZINE!
Most names (I grieve to say 'tis so)
Are corporately-owned,
Young-Maid-Whose-Name-I-Do-Not-Know
Who-Goes-Unchaperoned."
[1] To American readers: the pronunciation of "clerk" here rhymes with "park."
[2] The Author wishes to inform his public, as well as his editors at Punch, that Mr. Eary's opinions do not reflect his own in any way, and should be taken as the merest vagary of a delusional man.
VI. The Bargain
"How rude of me!" she said, "That's true,"
And curtsey'd, tipped her fan.
"I'm CHARLOTTE PERKINS! How-de-do?"
(Her real name was ANNE.)
"To buy a name, you reimburse
The cost - I understand!"
She plucked a penny from her purse,
And pressed it in his hand.
"But why hunt faerie, OFFICE BOY?"
She said, and stood half-hushed,
"You seem so wealthy, OFFICE BOY,"
She said, and stared. He blushed.
A girl who saw no misery,
A man who saw no good;
A meeting never meant to be -
Yet, somehow, there they stood.
He broke the silence. "Even you
Would buy me on the spot?
Ah, quelle horreur! Ah, sacre bleu!"
(He spoke that way a lot.)
"I'm in despair!" he cried, and hurled
His stipend in the air.
"This tawdry, simoniacal world
Has left me in despair!"
And as he fled, she cocked her head,
And whispered while he ran,
"Oh,
isn't
he
a
charming
and
a
most
peculiar
man?"
CHORUS.
T. EARY's duck-a-deary,
She fluttered by his side,
A graceful girl and cheery,
With face in quiet query,
And eyes intense and eerie -
So eerie and so wide!
THE END