The many iterations of the wedding guide

[zevabe]

Here is the original original, sent to Rebecca years ago:

The wedding last night put me in a mood to discuss weddings, and all the honors to be distributed & the requirements for them.  Because A) i think it'd be interesting to see who can do what, and how much actually needs to be done by Jews/male Jews/observant male Jews.  Plus I wanted to tell

Comments

[adrianna_r]

FYI, this really needs to go under an lj-cut to spare your friendslist's scrolling fingers :P

Also, man... real religious weddings are so weird. Most of the weddings I've gone to had Rabbis and a Ketuba, but everything else was vastly different from your description.

[yaffa]

Woah, lj-cut, please?

Your descriptions totally cracked me up, and were right on the money, too! Just a few comments:

The groom stands there while the bride gets walked down by either her parents, or the mothers of the couple. The groom gets walked down by either fathers or his parents (this is before that whole him standing there part).

Not at ours! Shawn was danced all the way to the chuppah and was standing there like an idiot till someone pointed out that his parents were going to be walking him down, so he took the walk of shame then re-did his chuppah walk with his folks.

Then the bride and groom are "secluded" under the chuppa. It means everyone goes out of it for a sec.

I totally don't remember this. It could be bad memory or it could have just not happened. I don't recall seeing this at anyone else's chuppah ever, either.

Everyone yells mazal tov, and the bride and groom get danced off the the yichud room. Here they are alone for several minutes. I've heard between 7 and 18.Try half an hour. This is the ONE

[zevabe]

If defense of the glass breaker, I was standing next to him and it really did look accidental.

The seasickness of being danced about with water on an empty stomach is a warning I appreciate, as I wouldn't have thought of that.

Also, I should note that the originial original was changed to the second version in places because I thought it was not correct.

And I am glad I made you laugh. Oftyen when I need to write something long I put in little jokes to keep myself amused. And since it was initially just for Rebecca, keeping her amused too is a good thing.