Every day a new revelation
So I realized something recently which, it seems, should be readily apparent to the whole world, but I strongly suspect is actually the secret to all happiness.
Here's the thing:
Things are either acceptable or they are not.
If something is unacceptable, do not accept it. Work to change it, if it's something big, or simply remove it from your life, if it's something you can control. If your job is really that awful, find another and leave it. If your lover won't stop cheating on you and you can't live with it, leave them. If your couch has a spring that keeps poking up into your ass when you sit down, save up money and throw it out.
If something is acceptable, quit fucking bitching about it! By this I do NOT mean that it's not okay to whine about your crappy day, I do NOT mean that everything in your life should be great all the time, and I do NOT mean that you should not be allowed to be angry/depressed/whatever for as long as you need to be.
What I DO mean is that it comes to a point where you absolutely must decide whether or not this thing or situation or person who is making your life or your world consistently unpleasant is worth doing something about or not. Is it worth it to you to devote your life to a political campaign so the man you hate will be unseated? Is it worth it to you to take the risk of a new job? Is it worth it to you to start a petition, make speeches, leave your family, spend your money?
If it's not worth it, you can't let it run your life. There are too many miseries in life. The world is full of them. I guarantee that your life is as well. If the thing that is required to change (or work to change) the situation that's killing you is not worth the change that will ensue, then you must just let. it. go.
Again, this does not mean you never get to bitch about it. But if it's keeping you awake at night, every night, if it's making you cry, if it's making you such a tense ball of stress that your entire life is being affected, you have to choose. Either change it or learn how to relax about it. Those are the options.
Now, I've known this for a while. I've always been a proponent of changing the things in one's life that make one unhappy, and I've both lived that way and encouraged the people I know to live that way. I left my job at Mac Grill, making $10 an hour, to work at the library making $5.25. And I didn't regret it for one second. It has always been my practice when I find myself unhappy to look around for something solid and concrete that I can change.
I think I just never put it into quite those words before: either something is unacceptable, or it's not. And if it's not, you must accept it. That last is the new part for me. I've always been a banner-carrier for the refusal in our lives of the unacceptable. But I seem to be woefully inadequate when it comes to accepting the acceptable. I let work get to me too much, I let social things get to me too much, I let bills get to me too much - and I become so full of stress/anger/frustration that it paralyzes me and I tell myself I am unable to actually do anything about making those situations better, which is of course absurd.
For me, what I've found is that once I can calm down about something and stop letting it overwhelm me, I generally find that I am entirely able to handle it, and with a minimum of fuss, and then everything's fine. When I relax, the energy of the Universe flows through me and everything I encounter is simple, sweet, and easy. /end mystic babble
In all seriousness, when I am relaxed and happy in general, every interaction I have with another human being is about a hundred times more pleasant because I am exuding waves of pleasantness. When all interactions are pleasant, I'm sure you can imagine that 99% of life's stresses seem either gone or greatly diminished.
The trick for me at this juncture lies in learning how to create that feeling. I do have a tendency to get far too stressed about things that are really not that bad in the first place, and certainly not bad enough for me to make major life changes over them. Work is a big one for me, and one that I think I'm becoming increasingly adept at controlling; there really is no reason for me to allow myself to be personally effected by co-workers bitchy moods, especially since I know that when I am, my own bitchy mood then effects everyone else.
Really, I think all my moods effect everyone else. I think my moods fill a room. Which is all the more reason for me to learn how to keep that mood pleasant unless I have an actual urgent beef. And if I have an actual urgent beef, well, I must do something about it. Sitting around glowering will only make me more miserable.
I am terribly pleased with myself at having come up with language to explain this to myself. Now all I need to do is achieve perfect harmony with the Universe and everything will be great.
All I really need to do is relax. And I'm trying. I think I'm improving; I can see it some places in my life, but certainly not all of them. It's a process.
Maybe I should get more pedicures. It seems like having my feet rubbed on a regular basis would really help all the petty annoyances seem like nothing more than what they are.
Here's the thing:
Things are either acceptable or they are not.
If something is unacceptable, do not accept it. Work to change it, if it's something big, or simply remove it from your life, if it's something you can control. If your job is really that awful, find another and leave it. If your lover won't stop cheating on you and you can't live with it, leave them. If your couch has a spring that keeps poking up into your ass when you sit down, save up money and throw it out.
If something is acceptable, quit fucking bitching about it! By this I do NOT mean that it's not okay to whine about your crappy day, I do NOT mean that everything in your life should be great all the time, and I do NOT mean that you should not be allowed to be angry/depressed/whatever for as long as you need to be.
What I DO mean is that it comes to a point where you absolutely must decide whether or not this thing or situation or person who is making your life or your world consistently unpleasant is worth doing something about or not. Is it worth it to you to devote your life to a political campaign so the man you hate will be unseated? Is it worth it to you to take the risk of a new job? Is it worth it to you to start a petition, make speeches, leave your family, spend your money?
If it's not worth it, you can't let it run your life. There are too many miseries in life. The world is full of them. I guarantee that your life is as well. If the thing that is required to change (or work to change) the situation that's killing you is not worth the change that will ensue, then you must just let. it. go.
Again, this does not mean you never get to bitch about it. But if it's keeping you awake at night, every night, if it's making you cry, if it's making you such a tense ball of stress that your entire life is being affected, you have to choose. Either change it or learn how to relax about it. Those are the options.
Now, I've known this for a while. I've always been a proponent of changing the things in one's life that make one unhappy, and I've both lived that way and encouraged the people I know to live that way. I left my job at Mac Grill, making $10 an hour, to work at the library making $5.25. And I didn't regret it for one second. It has always been my practice when I find myself unhappy to look around for something solid and concrete that I can change.
I think I just never put it into quite those words before: either something is unacceptable, or it's not. And if it's not, you must accept it. That last is the new part for me. I've always been a banner-carrier for the refusal in our lives of the unacceptable. But I seem to be woefully inadequate when it comes to accepting the acceptable. I let work get to me too much, I let social things get to me too much, I let bills get to me too much - and I become so full of stress/anger/frustration that it paralyzes me and I tell myself I am unable to actually do anything about making those situations better, which is of course absurd.
For me, what I've found is that once I can calm down about something and stop letting it overwhelm me, I generally find that I am entirely able to handle it, and with a minimum of fuss, and then everything's fine. When I relax, the energy of the Universe flows through me and everything I encounter is simple, sweet, and easy. /end mystic babble
In all seriousness, when I am relaxed and happy in general, every interaction I have with another human being is about a hundred times more pleasant because I am exuding waves of pleasantness. When all interactions are pleasant, I'm sure you can imagine that 99% of life's stresses seem either gone or greatly diminished.
The trick for me at this juncture lies in learning how to create that feeling. I do have a tendency to get far too stressed about things that are really not that bad in the first place, and certainly not bad enough for me to make major life changes over them. Work is a big one for me, and one that I think I'm becoming increasingly adept at controlling; there really is no reason for me to allow myself to be personally effected by co-workers bitchy moods, especially since I know that when I am, my own bitchy mood then effects everyone else.
Really, I think all my moods effect everyone else. I think my moods fill a room. Which is all the more reason for me to learn how to keep that mood pleasant unless I have an actual urgent beef. And if I have an actual urgent beef, well, I must do something about it. Sitting around glowering will only make me more miserable.
I am terribly pleased with myself at having come up with language to explain this to myself. Now all I need to do is achieve perfect harmony with the Universe and everything will be great.
All I really need to do is relax. And I'm trying. I think I'm improving; I can see it some places in my life, but certainly not all of them. It's a process.
Maybe I should get more pedicures. It seems like having my feet rubbed on a regular basis would really help all the petty annoyances seem like nothing more than what they are.