Try this again

[zevhonith]

I miss you guys, though I have not much of anything to write about. What say we do an anonymous post? Hopefully I've spent enough time sequestered from the world that for once it won't be about me; I want to know what's going on with you. You are fascinating, even if I don't get to match name to story. Tell me the thing that's on your mind, the

Comments

[anonymous]

I want to convert to judaism but I'm afraid of being turned away.

[zevhonith]

I'm sure if you came sincerely and with a genuine desire to learn they wouldn't turn you away. Do you have a good reason?

[anonymous]

Some of the reasons are stupid, but admittedly there was a lot about it I didn't know that matched up with my ideas of what God should be like and how I could have a relationship with him. And there not being a hell, that makes so much more sense than Christian religions.

But then, if there's so much about one religion I didn't know, I shouldn't convert before I find out as much as I can.

And then I have to admit that I have a thing for Jewish men and I kind of secretly want a Jewish wedding.

[zevhonith]

Yeah, the latter thing is probably not such the stellar reason to convert. :P

But it's definitely worth looking into! You know, Rabbis are teachers - it's what they do. I'm sure that if you went and said all that to some nice rabbi, they would at the very least lead you to some books or resources to start learning more, and probably invite you to some events.

I went to a service at a synagogue once - I really loved it. I like the language they use. I agree, the relationship with God seems very comfortable to me.

not waving, just drowning

[anonymous]

I almost never comment on these things, for 2 reasons.

Firstly, despite us having never met, I suspect any comments/advice you offer would be uniformly understanding, compassionate and wise...which makes me feel worse for having sought it out, if that makes sense. Especially as I probably wouldn't act on it anyway, despite good intentions I might occasionally have.

Secondly, I suspect that despite (or perhaps because of) the amount of moaning and whinging I do about my life generally, most people really don't understand how shit-scared, depressed, isolated, and unsure about any sort of future I really feel, on more or less a daily basis.
There are a few people who *do* see it and *do* help, and a few more who haven't a clue but help anyway just by being around...but for the most part it just makes me more dubious about bothering to tell anyone anymore how I really feel.

So...that's my "non-comment comment"...story of my fucking life, I guess.

Re: not waving, just drowning

[zevhonith]

Understanding is limited and compassion is easy, both because I don't know who anyone is. Better give the benefit of the doubt and assume it could well be someone I love and want to support. I think it's one of the things I like about the confessional - there's not a lot of capacity for judgement.

Wisdom, of course, is dubious at best. :P

I don't think *anyone* actually acts on anything I say. I think they're saying it for themselves, not to hear what I or anyone else thinks. Maybe I'm wrong about that; but I doubt anything I'm saying into the contextless void actually hits the mark.

Really, in the end, you have to help yourself, ridiculous and pat though that may sound. It sounds like telling other people about it would help kick-start you, though. It's harder to lie to yourself about it when your friends know. And if you can't lie to yourself about it, well, eventually it becomes unacceptable, doesn't it?

Re: not waving, just drowning

[anonymous]

I doubt anything I'm saying into the contextless void actually hits the mark
not too sure about that - and I think the volume of comments and responses you elicit stands to that. And speaking for myself, even when you "don't have anything to say" in your posts, they're still always one of the few things on LJ that engage me any more, whether it's because of your writing style (which is enviably limpid) or just the fact that do have some sort of "wisdom" to impart nearly all the time...must get exhausting, all that wisdom-dispensing. ;P

As for "if you can't lie to yourself about it, well, eventually it becomes unacceptable, doesn't it?"
...you'd think so, wouldn't you? :{

Re: not waving, just drowning

[zevhonith]

What's really exhausting is knowing the answers to all the world's problems, but having to accept that since nobody will listen, it's all for naught. ;)

Also, thank you. It is always gratifying to find someone thinks you're wise. Or limpid, which I had to look up, and therefore realized I've been utterly mistaken about for the last several years. So good for you. :)

...I hope you get done being sad sometime soon. I really do.

Maybe you should start by making sure all your dishes are washed every day before you go to bed.

Seriously, just try it.

[anonymous]

The only reason I used to ever really bother posting to these confession entries is to get reactions from people who think I might be talking about them. I've just realized that I don't have anyone like that in my life anymore.

I've spent the last few years growing up as fast and furiously as I possibly can, becoming the person I've wanted to be via a series of fantastically risky and reckless decisions that somehow paid off. I have such good luck, it's almost unreal. Even when I lose, I still win somehow.

I always thought that it'd be really boring once I got here, that I'd want to tear it all down as soon as I'd built it and start over yet again. However, that's really not the case. I'm neither becoming complacent nor am I deeply unsatisfied. I guess they were wrong about me after all.

[zevhonith]

Who was?

[anonymous]

When I was seven, a friend and I were playing at the school playground by ourselves. A man was sitting on the grass, in short running shorts and no underwear. His balls were clearly visible, as he was sitting with one leg bent and both thighs splayed

[zevhonith]

That's a really good story. Scary, but good.

[phaedrine]

I have nothing to confess!