Speaking of preganancy; I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Every time I see a baby I think I want one of those! I'm not the sort to get "accidentally" pregnant, and my bf isn't sure if he wants kids at all, but knows he doesn't want any right now, so I guess I'll just have to wait...
It's freaky how prevalent this is! People I know who never wanted babies hit 27-28 and started craving them... there's some serious truth to the biological clock phenomenon.
Yeesh - that's rough, I struggle with that myself a lot. I wonder if it's a natural consequence of getting older - my social circle and my social needs in general seem to have shrunk, and as that happens more and more people end up left outside that.
I have to remind myself, I used to have parties with 60+ people there - and that's a LOT of people to call friends. I just think the standards are looser when you're younger. Not as much time to waste, maybe, the older you get, or maybe you just have fewer commonalities with people as your life gets more focused.
What do you think? Where do you think it comes from?
i've been moving in the opposite direction. expanding rather than contracting. but i hit nil several times in my life. mostly before age 15, but there's been some geographic leaps that have put me right back there (as far as having meaningful human contact went.)
i think. well, for me, at least, it's about boundaries. it's been difficult to learn to trust people, whereas i think your experience is a bit different.
but the biggest boundary is time. the older we get the more we realize how little we have, i think.
I'm secretly afraid my new responsibility coupled with grief and the loss of a loved one, that something fundamental and innocent has died in me.
I'm also afraid that I'm not really strong enough to shoulder what has been placed for me, despite having already done better/stronger than I would have guessed.
I don't know, I think I would have been happy to forever been blissfully ignorant of all this.
It's not the first time death has struck close, just the first time it has been this close. None of the previous ones really prepared me for this. I guess just like how physical pain can be unique and different 1000's of times emotional pain too can have many faces.
not the OP, but, something permanently changed in me the minute I lost someone close to me. I've been shown very clearly how I experience true grief. I've faked a lot of emotions before for various reasons but this time it took a hold of me and was all consuming.
I don't believe you'll ever be the same after something like this has happened to you. I'm very aware of my own eventual death now. There's less magic and wonder and more simple faith.. if that makes sense.
I'm learning that when some big family trauma happens, and people around you tell you to "remember to take care of yourself", it's all a bunch of crap, like the easter bunny. There's no time to take care of myself. I'm distancing myself from my friends because I can't stand myself lately, and I have nothing good to say. I can't escape. And I really wish I had "someone special" with whom I could break down, because crying alone in the shower really isn't cutting it anymore.
taking care of yourself can be as simple as enjoying a cup of tea without thinking about anything else for a couple minutes. watching the sunrise. taking the time to enjoy the things that are enjoyable in and of themselves, even if only briefly.
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Was it because you wanted a baby, or because you wanted him?
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I have to remind myself, I used to have parties with 60+ people there - and that's a LOT of people to call friends. I just think the standards are looser when you're younger. Not as much time to waste, maybe, the older you get, or maybe you just have fewer commonalities with people as your life gets more focused.
What do you think? Where do you think it comes from?
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i think. well, for me, at least, it's about boundaries. it's been difficult to learn to trust people, whereas i think your experience is a bit different.
but the biggest boundary is time. the older we get the more we realize how little we have, i think.
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I think you're absolutely right, it is about time. For me, I think it means that I'm extremely picky about who I want to share my time with.
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I'm also afraid that I'm not really strong enough to shoulder what has been placed for me, despite having already done better/stronger than I would have guessed.
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I'm sorry. :( Don't forget to share as much of the burden as you can - that's why we have friends and family. :(
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It's not the first time death has struck close, just the first time it has been this close. None of the previous ones really prepared me for this. I guess just like how physical pain can be unique and different 1000's of times emotional pain too can have many faces.
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I don't believe you'll ever be the same after something like this has happened to you. I'm very aware of my own eventual death now. There's less magic and wonder and more simple faith.. if that makes sense.
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I'm learning that when some big family trauma happens, and people around you tell you to "remember to take care of yourself", it's all a bunch of crap, like the easter bunny. There's no time to take care of myself. I'm distancing myself from my friends because I can't stand myself lately, and I have nothing good to say. I can't escape. And I really wish I had "someone special" with whom I could break down, because crying alone in the shower really isn't cutting it anymore.
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i'm so sorry you feel so alone.
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