Bad Day
Title: Bad Day
Warnings: slash, mentions of past abuse, allusions to non-con
Disclaimer: I own very little, nevertheless anything related to Star Trek.
Summary: Jim tries to sleep after an away mission gone wrong-with very little help from his drunken lover, Bones.
Jim walked through the door to his quarters with a sigh. Fatigue filled every inch of him, and his body just begged for sleep. Goddamit, he thought...Just...fuck.
He had lost a crew member today. The guy was only 26, a year older than Kirk, and god, all Jim could think about was the call he had just had to make to the man’s family. The man’s mother, sobbing, while her husband sat in shock.
Jim shrugged out of his outer clothes, keeping his boxers on, and slipped under the covers.
“Lights”, he said, and they shut off.
He had finally drifted off only to be woken by Bones slipping under their covers with him.
“Hey”, Bones said to his sleeping lover, breathing whiskey soaked breath lightly in Jim’s direction.
“Mmm...Hey.” Jim said, exhausted, refusing to wake up fully. He turned his face deeper into his pillow, facing the wall away from Bones, and started to drift off again. He felt nuzzling on his neck, and a hand grasp his hip from behind. The nuzzling turned to nipping on his chin, as Bones moved his hand to under Jim’s chin to lift it. Jim halfheartedly kissed back, and then pulled his head away, to lay it back down on the pillow, his need to sleep made clear. The hand moved down, and reached into Jim’s boxers, stroking right below the waistband, before grasping Jim’s length fully in his hand.
“Not in the mood, Bones” Jim said, pulling Bones hands off of himself and out of his shorts.
“Bullshit,” came the reply from behind him, “When are you ever not in the mood?” The hand came back again, grasping Jim’s hip, and attempting to push it down so Jim would lie on his stomach. “C’mon baby”, he said.
“Jesus, Bones” Jim snapped, pushing his hand away for the second time. “What part of ‘No’ don’t you get?” He turned around to face Bones, taking in the annoyed look. “Fuck, what? I had a shitty day all right? God, what am I supposed to just automatically be in the mood ‘cause you say so? You were there, you saw that kid. Aren’t you even the tiniest bit upset about what happened?”
Bones eyes flashed. “Yes, I was there. I’m the one who couldn’t keep him alive, you little shit. Don’t you think I know how fucked today was?” Jim felt mildly contrite at hearing this, and put his hand up to Bones’ face. His hand was knocked away.
“No, I don’t need to talk or to cry about it, Jim. I need to fuck. I need to forget! Wouldn’t you rather just forget about it, instead of falling asleep to see it all over again in some fucked up dream?” Jim sighed.
“Bones, you’re drunk, okay. I get it. I get that your day was just as shitty, and I’m sorry, but...” His mouth was shut up by the other man’s rough kiss. He was promptly flipped over, his arms held down on either side, as his legs were quickly straddled. “Goddamit, Bones, I said No!” He said indignantly, as rough, drunken kisses trailed down his back. They trailed back up, and one hand moved from his arm down to his ass. “Bones!” Jim said, louder, trying to get his friend’s attention, as his shorts were pulled away, and fingers began to open him up. He moved his free arm to elbow bones in the ribs, but he couldn’t reach back that far. He was starting to think that Bones was much, much drunker than he had thought, and perhaps didn’t realize what he was doing. He began to panic, as an uncomfortably familiar scenario began to unfold.
‘Shut up, you little fucker, hold still’-one large hand roughly held his two smaller ones together above his head, rendering him unable to fight back, as his bare legs were straddled...dizzy, he cried, screamed, sobbed, ‘mom!’ he shrieked, as sharp pains shot up his spine, and he felt like his insides were on fire, there was so much pain, and...
“Get the fuck off of me!” He felt himself shouting, as he twisted himself quickly out of Bones’ drunken grasp. He launched out of the bed. “Goddamit!” His hands shook as he pulled his shorts back up, and stared at his lover, his friend, not seeing him, but seeing red, feeling rage.
“Jesus, Jim..I..” Bones stammered, looking suddenly much more sober. “God, I..thought...I mean, I’m sorry, I was just” He looked scared suddenly. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, and rubbed his face with his hand. “I’m drunk...”
“No shit, Doctor.” Jim said, voice sharp as a knife held at the ready. “What the fuck, Bones...” he sank down into the chair across the room, next to his desk. He shook his head as though to clear it, and looked up at the nervous doctor.
“No.. I’m sorry, I know you didn’t mean to....shit, I know you’re having a crappy day, but God, I’m a person... I exist. I’m not a hole for you to stick your goddam dick into.”
Bones head snapped up. “Of course you’re a person, Jim. What the hell do you think I...Fuck, I know that! You know I know that! I worry about your well being more than anyone! I care about you more than anyone else.” He stared at Jim, wide eyed.
“Thanks for the reminder, man. I’m well aware how few of you there are...” Jim leveled his stare back at Bones, still shaken by what had happened.
“Oh, Jim, c’mon, you know that’s not what I meant. And we’re together aren’t we? How many fucking times have I come back from sickbay, fucking exhausted, and given into your sexual whims, hmm? The way you reacted there was a bit over the top, don’t you think? I mean, I know I sound like an asshole, but that was a little weird, right?” He looked like he was struggling between contrition and annoyance, and Jim felt the adrenaline pumping even harder in anger.
“Oh poor you, works so hard, and then can’t even get his rocks off. Well, I’m sorry if I don’t like the feeling of being felt up and fucked in my sleep when I’m in a shitty ass mood to begin with, okay?! God, it was like you didn’t even hear me! Or did you just not care, hmm?”
“Oh fuck that, Jim, of course I...”Bones interjected only to be cut off by the seemingly soon to be exploding Captain.
“No, Fuck you! I don’t like to be pushed down and fucking ignored! I was fucking telling you no, and you ignored me like I was some weak ass kid again, now you’re sitting here defending yourself to me!? Does that get you off, hmm? Hearing the word no? Does it make you feel good?” Jim was beyond ranting now, he was up and pacing, talking fast, his eyes wild, occasionally looking back at Bones with a look of disgust. It was like he wasn’t even seeing his lover sitting there. He was stuck back in his younger body again, looking at that motherfucker, and all he wanted to do is slam his fist into that sneering face, watch as the blood gushed out of his nose and lips, and keep hitting him until that fucker knows what it feels like to feel helpless and torn to pieces, and then keep punching him until he can’t feel his fists anymore, until the life in his eyes snaps away, and all that’s left of that piece of shit is blood and skin and bones, and
He snaps back to reality, and looks down at his hands, where one grips Bones’ neck, and the other is pulled back, ready to strike. Bones has both hands gripped tight around Jim’s wrist, and Jim lets go, staggers back, sliding down the wall when his back bumps into it. Bones takes a deep, shaky breath, and stands up. He walks over to Jim slowly, and kneels in front of him. Jim looks up at him with big eyes, looking for all the world like a kid, and at the same time like a broken man.
“Did I hurt you?” Jim asks in an unsteady voice, dreading the anger he’s sure to hear in Bones’ reply.
“No” Is the reply he receives. “Are you okay?” Bones asks, looking at his shaken lover, just knowing that the explanations for Jim’s behavior spinning through his head are probably correct.
“No”, comes Jim’s reply, and for all that he know he shouldn’t touch his lover right now, Bones’ can’t help but reach out and hug his best friend, and hold onto him tight, until he feels Jim’s breath hitch and feels the wet drops hit his bare shoulder.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He whispers, as he rubs Jim’s back as soothingly as he can.
“No,” Jim whispers back, and he pulls back, rubbing his face to erase all trace of tears. The two stand on unsteady feet, holding onto each other other’s arm as they both help the other up. They walk over to the bed, and crawl under the covers, and Bones puts his arm around Jim as the captain turns around to face the wall.
“I’m sorry,” he says feeling like the biggest piece of shit to ever grace this universe.
“I know”, Jim says, and he pats Bone’s hand. “Me too”.
Warnings: slash, mentions of past abuse, allusions to non-con
Disclaimer: I own very little, nevertheless anything related to Star Trek.
Summary: Jim tries to sleep after an away mission gone wrong-with very little help from his drunken lover, Bones.
Jim walked through the door to his quarters with a sigh. Fatigue filled every inch of him, and his body just begged for sleep. Goddamit, he thought...Just...fuck.
He had lost a crew member today. The guy was only 26, a year older than Kirk, and god, all Jim could think about was the call he had just had to make to the man’s family. The man’s mother, sobbing, while her husband sat in shock.
Jim shrugged out of his outer clothes, keeping his boxers on, and slipped under the covers.
“Lights”, he said, and they shut off.
He had finally drifted off only to be woken by Bones slipping under their covers with him.
“Hey”, Bones said to his sleeping lover, breathing whiskey soaked breath lightly in Jim’s direction.
“Mmm...Hey.” Jim said, exhausted, refusing to wake up fully. He turned his face deeper into his pillow, facing the wall away from Bones, and started to drift off again. He felt nuzzling on his neck, and a hand grasp his hip from behind. The nuzzling turned to nipping on his chin, as Bones moved his hand to under Jim’s chin to lift it. Jim halfheartedly kissed back, and then pulled his head away, to lay it back down on the pillow, his need to sleep made clear. The hand moved down, and reached into Jim’s boxers, stroking right below the waistband, before grasping Jim’s length fully in his hand.
“Not in the mood, Bones” Jim said, pulling Bones hands off of himself and out of his shorts.
“Bullshit,” came the reply from behind him, “When are you ever not in the mood?” The hand came back again, grasping Jim’s hip, and attempting to push it down so Jim would lie on his stomach. “C’mon baby”, he said.
“Jesus, Bones” Jim snapped, pushing his hand away for the second time. “What part of ‘No’ don’t you get?” He turned around to face Bones, taking in the annoyed look. “Fuck, what? I had a shitty day all right? God, what am I supposed to just automatically be in the mood ‘cause you say so? You were there, you saw that kid. Aren’t you even the tiniest bit upset about what happened?”
Bones eyes flashed. “Yes, I was there. I’m the one who couldn’t keep him alive, you little shit. Don’t you think I know how fucked today was?” Jim felt mildly contrite at hearing this, and put his hand up to Bones’ face. His hand was knocked away.
“No, I don’t need to talk or to cry about it, Jim. I need to fuck. I need to forget! Wouldn’t you rather just forget about it, instead of falling asleep to see it all over again in some fucked up dream?” Jim sighed.
“Bones, you’re drunk, okay. I get it. I get that your day was just as shitty, and I’m sorry, but...” His mouth was shut up by the other man’s rough kiss. He was promptly flipped over, his arms held down on either side, as his legs were quickly straddled. “Goddamit, Bones, I said No!” He said indignantly, as rough, drunken kisses trailed down his back. They trailed back up, and one hand moved from his arm down to his ass. “Bones!” Jim said, louder, trying to get his friend’s attention, as his shorts were pulled away, and fingers began to open him up. He moved his free arm to elbow bones in the ribs, but he couldn’t reach back that far. He was starting to think that Bones was much, much drunker than he had thought, and perhaps didn’t realize what he was doing. He began to panic, as an uncomfortably familiar scenario began to unfold.
‘Shut up, you little fucker, hold still’-one large hand roughly held his two smaller ones together above his head, rendering him unable to fight back, as his bare legs were straddled...dizzy, he cried, screamed, sobbed, ‘mom!’ he shrieked, as sharp pains shot up his spine, and he felt like his insides were on fire, there was so much pain, and...
“Get the fuck off of me!” He felt himself shouting, as he twisted himself quickly out of Bones’ drunken grasp. He launched out of the bed. “Goddamit!” His hands shook as he pulled his shorts back up, and stared at his lover, his friend, not seeing him, but seeing red, feeling rage.
“Jesus, Jim..I..” Bones stammered, looking suddenly much more sober. “God, I..thought...I mean, I’m sorry, I was just” He looked scared suddenly. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, and rubbed his face with his hand. “I’m drunk...”
“No shit, Doctor.” Jim said, voice sharp as a knife held at the ready. “What the fuck, Bones...” he sank down into the chair across the room, next to his desk. He shook his head as though to clear it, and looked up at the nervous doctor.
“No.. I’m sorry, I know you didn’t mean to....shit, I know you’re having a crappy day, but God, I’m a person... I exist. I’m not a hole for you to stick your goddam dick into.”
Bones head snapped up. “Of course you’re a person, Jim. What the hell do you think I...Fuck, I know that! You know I know that! I worry about your well being more than anyone! I care about you more than anyone else.” He stared at Jim, wide eyed.
“Thanks for the reminder, man. I’m well aware how few of you there are...” Jim leveled his stare back at Bones, still shaken by what had happened.
“Oh, Jim, c’mon, you know that’s not what I meant. And we’re together aren’t we? How many fucking times have I come back from sickbay, fucking exhausted, and given into your sexual whims, hmm? The way you reacted there was a bit over the top, don’t you think? I mean, I know I sound like an asshole, but that was a little weird, right?” He looked like he was struggling between contrition and annoyance, and Jim felt the adrenaline pumping even harder in anger.
“Oh poor you, works so hard, and then can’t even get his rocks off. Well, I’m sorry if I don’t like the feeling of being felt up and fucked in my sleep when I’m in a shitty ass mood to begin with, okay?! God, it was like you didn’t even hear me! Or did you just not care, hmm?”
“Oh fuck that, Jim, of course I...”Bones interjected only to be cut off by the seemingly soon to be exploding Captain.
“No, Fuck you! I don’t like to be pushed down and fucking ignored! I was fucking telling you no, and you ignored me like I was some weak ass kid again, now you’re sitting here defending yourself to me!? Does that get you off, hmm? Hearing the word no? Does it make you feel good?” Jim was beyond ranting now, he was up and pacing, talking fast, his eyes wild, occasionally looking back at Bones with a look of disgust. It was like he wasn’t even seeing his lover sitting there. He was stuck back in his younger body again, looking at that motherfucker, and all he wanted to do is slam his fist into that sneering face, watch as the blood gushed out of his nose and lips, and keep hitting him until that fucker knows what it feels like to feel helpless and torn to pieces, and then keep punching him until he can’t feel his fists anymore, until the life in his eyes snaps away, and all that’s left of that piece of shit is blood and skin and bones, and
He snaps back to reality, and looks down at his hands, where one grips Bones’ neck, and the other is pulled back, ready to strike. Bones has both hands gripped tight around Jim’s wrist, and Jim lets go, staggers back, sliding down the wall when his back bumps into it. Bones takes a deep, shaky breath, and stands up. He walks over to Jim slowly, and kneels in front of him. Jim looks up at him with big eyes, looking for all the world like a kid, and at the same time like a broken man.
“Did I hurt you?” Jim asks in an unsteady voice, dreading the anger he’s sure to hear in Bones’ reply.
“No” Is the reply he receives. “Are you okay?” Bones asks, looking at his shaken lover, just knowing that the explanations for Jim’s behavior spinning through his head are probably correct.
“No”, comes Jim’s reply, and for all that he know he shouldn’t touch his lover right now, Bones’ can’t help but reach out and hug his best friend, and hold onto him tight, until he feels Jim’s breath hitch and feels the wet drops hit his bare shoulder.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He whispers, as he rubs Jim’s back as soothingly as he can.
“No,” Jim whispers back, and he pulls back, rubbing his face to erase all trace of tears. The two stand on unsteady feet, holding onto each other other’s arm as they both help the other up. They walk over to the bed, and crawl under the covers, and Bones puts his arm around Jim as the captain turns around to face the wall.
“I’m sorry,” he says feeling like the biggest piece of shit to ever grace this universe.
“I know”, Jim says, and he pats Bone’s hand. “Me too”.