Coagulation (03/20)
Hey everyone! I was a little surprised at how quickly I updated this, to be honest. I mean, took me more than a month to write chapter two and here I am after a week with bth chapters Three AND four completely written!
The next two chapters were supposed to be connected as one, but instead of writing one 7000 word long chapter, I split it into two. This chapter... I don't like it, BUT HOPEFULLY YOU WILL! I hope everyone eontinues to support me~ Since I have already finished Chapter four, you can expect that either today or tomorrow :3 Thanks so much for reading!!
Previous Chapters.
네 눈빛이 들어오던 순간에
가슴 깊은 못을 박던 순간에
미련없이 바로 너를 선택했어 (너라고)
그래 난 너라고
- It's You by Super Junior
Jae stood outside the door to the training room and took a deep breath. He wished that he at least didn't remember it. Being smothered in some kind of blank ignorance would have been so much better than knowing that on the other side of that door, the person he trusted most in the world probably hated him. Taking in a deep breath, Jae pushed the door open and entered the room.
Smiles from the other trainees greeted him as he entered the space, but as he skimmed across the faces, he didn't see the one he was so afraid of coming eye to eye with.
“Kim JaeJoong?” came an authoritarian voice from behind him. The trainee turned around quickly and bowed low to the trainer he recognised but did not know.
“Yes Susang-nim!” he said quickly,
“Follow me, please.” Was all the man replied, turning away and leading out the door. Jae looked nervously around the room, he saw JunSu, DongHae and EunHyuk watching curiously from their spot in the corner. Jae sent them a nervous look, to which they all sent supportive expressions back.
JaeJoong wasn't so sure.
What if YunHo had told the company Jae was gay? Was Jae even gay? But YunHo would never betray him like that. He couldn't possibly... Jae was pulled from his thoughts as the two stood in front of a door. The trainer knocked on the hard wood once, then proceeded to open it. It was another training room, much like the one he was used to, but it was bigger and somehow... different. There was a large image of a blue sky splattered with billowing clouds against the back wall. Wasn't this the room where the idols trained?
JaeJoong's eyes widened as he saw who was in the room. Four chairs were situated in the centre of the floor, two of which were already supporting two trainees that Jae knew well. YunHo and HeeChul both smiled at him kindly, nodding their heads, though it was not their presence that caught Jae's attention so. Lee SooMan stood against the back wall, a business like smile on is face.
“Good, JaeJoong, take a seat.” he said, moving to claim a chair for himself. Jae quickly sat down, he was terrified. What was going on? The prestigious business man looked far too happy to have any bad news. “I am so glad to see that you all know each other already. It will make everything simpler. Recently a few other Trainers and I have been making plans to create a new all boy group. We think that the three of you would be perfect assets to such a product.” The man said, getting straight to the point. Jae felt like the air had been knocked from his lungs. He was about to start training for a debut? “Nothing is finalised yet, but we have basic plans in the works. The group would be called Four Seasons, and each member would represent their own season. HeeChul, you would be Winter, JaeJoong Spring, and YunHo Summer.” Lee SooMan smiled at them all. “There are many talented trainees in this company, but I think you three hold great promise.” The rom was silent for a moment before HeeChul leant forward, a curious look on his face,
“But... Who would be Autumn?” he asked, his eyes confused.
“That has yet to be decided, and having said that, all of this is still to be decided and confirmed.” he gave them all a stern look. “Do not go and start telling everyone that you are preparing for a debut. Yes, you are training towards a group, but debut is still a bit of a trip.” he said. “We will be watching as you train, making sure to keep a close eye on all of you. I do hope you do not disappoint us.”
“We won't, Susang-nim.” HeeChul said, bowing his head low. Jae was still stunned out of a voice. He might be debuting? Each trainee stood, bowing at a ninety degree angle.
“Now, you have fifteen minutes until you are needed in your training rooms. I will leave you, but be sure that you will be hearing me before too long.” The CEO smiled at them all, nodding his head. He left, the trainer close in towe. HeeChul stood from his chair, a bright smile on his face, he headed straight towards the door, looking back on the two,
“I need to go and find someone, but you two... I know you will do well.” Jae knew by the trainee's voice that he was sincere. He might come off as hard, and difficult, but Jae knew they would get along. HeeChul sent them both one more glance before running from the room, leaving the two alone.
“How are you?” YunHo asked, he was smiling, his jagged teeth making him look almost child like in the dimly lit room. “You must be hung-over.” he laughed. Jae felt uncomfortable. He was hung-over. His head hurt and everything was far too bright, but still... The hangover was nothing compared to the nerves. YunHo wasn't angry? He didn't seem like he was about to run away or lash out. He seemed... Exactly the same. That scared Jae more than anything.
“I...” he tried, not knowing what to say. “YunHo... I... Erm...” he tried. The younger gave him a knowing smile.
“You don't have to be worried, Jae. You got drunk and you called DongHae attractive. It's not a crime to find another man visually appealing.” he said, he was still smiling, but it seemed fake. Hollow.
“But..” Jae tried again, he was too confused.
“Jae, you said DongHae was attractive then you went silent. You threw up on the side walk and then went home. Nothing else was said.” YunHo's eyes were almost like he was giving Jae a gift, the gift of willing ignorance. The elder felt his stomach drop. But why? He felt so disappointed. Isn't this what he wanted, though? Isn't this what he had hoped would be said? Jae couldn't think of what to do, so he just forced another smile and nodded his head,
“Right. That's all I said...” he sounded too bright. Too happy about this. The two left the training room, acting the same way they had before the drunken confession. But now, whenever YunHo would shove him in the hallway, or poke him, Jae could feel the electricity pulse through him, and he could feel the butterflies rising in his stomach.
He was in love with YunHo... and there was no way he could help that.
“That's it? Really?” MinJong frowned. He didn't like what he was hearing, but then again, did he ever? “He didn't hold you in his arms and tell you he loved you?”
“You need to stop thinking about this like it's a Disney movie.” Jae snapped back. He was irritated.
“Were you scared?” MinJong asked, his face suddenly falling. “Were you scared about being in a group with him?”
“I'm not sure. We trained harder than we ever had before for the next nine months, but it felt like nothing was happening. YunHo never, not for a second, treated me any differently to how he had before. I knew he mist have been thinking something, but it never showed. He didn't mention that night, and he didn't even begin to ask me about how I felt for him. He pretended nothing had happened. I, on the other hand, fell more desperately in love with him by the second.” Jae laughed, itching at his eyebrow. “The way he interacted with the other trainees, how I confessed to him about one of the most taboo things in our culture, and he didn't even bat an eyelid... To be completely honest... I felt like I wasn't moving an inch. I was working myself into oblivion and I was getting nowhere with it. I was hopelessly in love with someone I could never have, and I just... I just couldn't move.” Jae said, he seemed to be getting confused over his words. His old emotions were coming back and it scared him just how hard it had been.
“So? How far to Four Season's get before you were taken out?” MinJong asked, he was confused. “How close until debut were you?”
“2002 moved by fast. We trained all day because we thought we were getting close to a debut with HeeChul. New years passed and we realised that we had been on a hard road to no where... We were just about willing to give up when they told us it was over.”
Jae and YunHo collapsed to the floor, sweat covering their bodies as they grabbed for their water bottles, attempting to reclaim hydration. The two had come to the studio hours before they were supposed to, they were getting no closer to debut, but they held that same determination that had got them to their first offer. The two had been reciting the same choreography over and over until their limbs could hardly bear their own weight. They were silent until YunHo slammed his fist on the floor.
“FUCK!” the word echoed around the room. Jae looked up at him, his eyelids drooping. “Are we going no where?” YunHo asked, getting to his feet and grabbing at his hair. “It's been six months! Six fucking months! Are we debuting or not?” YunHo asked, he looked like he was just about at the end of his patience.
“YunHo...” Jae said gently, standing up. He placed a hand on the younger's shoulder, gently massaging it. “I know but... What other choice do we have?” There was a knock on the door and Jae instinctively stepped away from YunHo.
“Working hard?” it was the same trainer that had brought Jae to Lee SooMan last time. They both bowed low, saying their polite greetings. “Could you two please follow me? There are some things that need to be talked about.” The two exchanged a nervous glance before following the man out of the room. Jae was even more nervous than he had been the first time, he felt like this meeting... This was what would define his future. When YunHo and JaeJoong arrived at the door to the training room, they found HeeChul standing outside, nervously biting his nails. He smiled at them both, though it seemed half hearted. He looked tired,incredibly tired.
This time, when the three entered the room, there were no chairs. The space was empty leave for the powerful man standing at it's centre. He smiled at them all, much like he had the last time they had been in this room.
“It is great to see you three again. I hear you have been working hard.” he said, looking almost apologetic. “There has been a change. The Four Seasons project is not going ahead.” he said. JaeJoong felt his stomach drop. The butterflies that had been gathering there previously, falling to their death. “Instead, we have decided to create a new project.” he said, smiling at HeeChul, but turning to YunHo and Jae. “A five member boy group titled Dong Bang Shin Ki.” he said. “We thought through many names, including names about vital organs.” SooMan laughed slightly, “but I believe we have made a good choice.”
“Will the three of us all be in tis new project?” YunHo asked, nervously. It was what we were all thinking, but what none were willing to say.
“No.” was the CEO's answer. “Only two of you will be involved with this group. YunHo and JaeJoong, the rest of Dong Bang Shin Ki are gathering in a training room down the hall in one hour. You will be expected there then.” he smiled. Jae stared at the man, happiness rising in his throat. “Please clear all of your belongings from the Training group E lockers and move them up here.” It was then that Jae spared a glance at HeeChul who had remained silent. HeeChul was white, almost like a sheet. He was silent and his eyes were empty. Lee SooMan bowed lightly at the three of them. “Thank you.” he said, swiftly leaving.
The three were silent. What could possibly be said? HeeChul looked up at them, his eyes sad. He smiled forcedly, nodding his head.
“I'm happy for you, pretty boy.” he said, his words aimed at Jae. “And YunHo... I'm.. I'm glad we had this time where we looked forward to working together. I hope this will not be the end.”
“Hyung..” YunHo began but the eldest just shook his head.
“We all know that you wouldn't have made a good Maknae, YunHo. Let's just hope that the other members of your new group are younger, and show you respect.” he said. “I... I need to go find someone.” he repeated his exact words from nine months earlier, though this time they had no promise. No excitement. The two were left alone in the room, their future uncertain.
“Dong Bang Shin Ki...” YunHo said, looking up at Jae. Tears were gathering in the younger's eyes as he thought about the news he had just received. “Jae... Jae we're debuting.” he said, the smile on his face the widest Jae had ever seen. YunHo grabbed Jae by the shoulders and held him in a tight bear hug, he was laughing. “We're debuting!” he cried. Jae felt his skin tingle at the touch, he felt his heart rate quicken and those damn butterflies were back. He let out a soft breath as he felt himself be held by the strong arms he yearned for.
“We're debuting...” he managed to say.
“Just think! You and me, and those other boys. We'll be like brothers! Living together, working together! We'll be beside each other as all of our dreams come true!” YunHo laughed, the smile on his face unmatchable to anything Jae had ever seen. Though, the elder's stomach still dropped at the mention of brotherhood. YunHo and he would be like brothers. YunHo would love Jae as he would a brother, while Jae was always in the back ground yearning for more. A lingering touch or just that look... Something.
The elder's thoughts must have shown on his face, because, as YunHo pulled out from the hug, his elated expression began to droop,
“Jae?” he asked, his eyes full of concern. “Jae is everything okay?” The elder just ignored him and forced back the same smile again, blinking slowly,
“Yeah! All of us together, like five brothers...” he grinned as best he could, hoping that YunHo would buy it. Before JaeJoong could wait for a reaction, he made a move for the door, “We need to go empty our lockers. The others in the training group must already be there, we have to break them the good news!” he said quickly. YunHo paused a moment, surveying Jae's face. He knew something was happening. He could tell that Jae had been hurt, and it scared him just how much he cared. He wanted to reach out and hold the beautiful boy, but was so painfully aware that he couldn't.
The training room was full when the two entered. Happy banter was filling the room, as well as excited whispers. DongHae and HyukJae were sitting side by side, laughing together when they spotted the two.
“Hyung-deul!” DongHae called out, causing the two distracted teens to head his way.
“What is everyone so excited about?” YunHo asked, smiling down at his two DongSaengs.
“Apparently there are a couple of new guys hanging around. One of them is from the states, or so they say.” HyukJae whispered excitedly.
“And apparently the other one is from SM Academy. I heard one girl in the hallways say he has trained there for years, and that he didn't even audition, he was scouted.” DongHae continued. YunHo and JaeJoong shared a look, could these two be members of their new group?
“I heard he was still a kid, though. No older than 14 at the most!” HyukJae said, looking nervous. “I think it'd suck to work with a kid like that.”
“But... I think it would be ever harder for a kid.” YunHo said, his face gentle. “Just imagine, how hard is it for us to be away from home all the time, right? Imagine if you were younger. Barely even old enough to have his own independence.” the teen's face was soft, he looked almost worried for this boy he had never met. “The most important years of that boys life will be around now, this is a time when it is so important for him to be raised by his parents. Just as he starts to become a man.” His expression then changed to one of gentle irritation, “And who are you calling a kid? He's 14? Well, we're 16! What's the difference?” he asked, laughing. Jae discretely pulled his phone from his pocket and checked the time, they have half an hour until they were needed in the meeting room and they still hadn't packed their things. Jae tugged on YunHo's shirt gently and smiled,
“We're running out of time. We have half an hour.” he said, making a gesture towards the locker rooms. HyukJae and DongHae gave them both quizzical looks,
“What's going on? Training doesn't start for another hour...” HyukJae said, eyeing them both.
“We'll explain later...” YunHo said, a smile on his face. “nothing is really... Nothing is completely known yet.” He bowed to the two friends and both he and JaeJoong made their way to their lockers. Their hearts pumped with the nerves and their hands trembled.
Everything they had been working for, it was all happening.