Coagulation (01/20)
Hey! This is my first ever YunJae, so bare with me ;) I'm not quite sure what to write here >.> Uhm, this story is one that has been in my head through various different fandoms, but that has never quite been fully alive until I discovered YunJae :)
This will be a DBSJ crossover, built on relationships, difficulties and the thin line between love and friendship.
I hope it is enjoyable :)
Any constructive Critisism is more than welcome, as well as just general comments giving me a yay or nay to certain styles and parts of the story :)
This is a work in progress, but I plan to keep my mind fixed on it ^^
~
어디서 어떻게 자꾸만 맺히는지 나도 모르죠
그냥 내가 많이 아픈 것만 알아요
뜨거웠던 가슴이 점점 싸늘하죠
뭐라고 말할지, 어떻게 붙잡을지 나도 모르겠잖아
어떻게 난 어떻게 하죠
- Coagulation by Super JuniorThe room was empty when JaeJoong stepped inside. He flicked the light switch to reveal nothing but his mirrored reflection on the opposite wall of the SM Entertainment practice room. He smiled to himself, the rooms hadn't changed a bit in the many years since he had trained in them, he could still make out the trainees nonsense graffiti that plagued the walls, as well as the tell tale scratched floor of a well used room. The man felt a wave of nostalgia as he ran his fingers over the surface of the wall he was closest to, he recognised names, lines, jokes of the men and women he had worked with for so many years. His fingers stopped and suddenly retracted as they slid over one name in particular, a name he wouldn't think of.
A voice stammered behind him and he turned his head to glance at the breaker of his thoughts. A young man, less than twenty, was standing in the door way, a nervous and anticipating look on his face.
“You're MinJong?” Jae asked, his voice gentle, his eyes gliding over the man before him.
“I.. I... I am MinJong, JaeJoong-Nim.” The man bowed at a ninety degree angle, a show of deep respect, before standing straight, staring at the man before him with a mixture of shock and admiration, as well as some kind of strange fascination.
“You're looking at me like I'm some kind of animal in a zoo.” Jae stated blankly. The man stopped his gawking and shook his head, as if coming out of a daze.
“I'm sorry... I just wasn't expecting you to come is all...” Jae felt a tug at the side of his lips, but pushed it down.
“It's been nearly ten years, you know, since I've been here.” he stated, his feet continuing to travel around the room. MinJong followed Jae like a puppy, his eyes wide in excitement. Jae stopped when he reached a back wall, covered in posters and photos. He recognised all the faces, Super Junior, SHINee, Girls' Generation, TRAX, BoA, F(x), he even saw his own smiling face among the many. All faces of friends, brothers, sisters, all lost many years ago.
“What... What happened?” MinJong asked, looking at the images he had memorised up side down and back to front.
“I made a mistake.” Jae said, his fingers gliding over an image he hadn't seen for many years. A photo he had once held very close to his heart. He felt tears well in his eyes, that lump in his throat he knew too well. “This is why you want me here, isn't it?”
MinJong didn't reply. The room was filled with a thick and heavy silence until Jae took a deep breath, removing the photo from it's board and sat down on the floor, his back leaning against the wall. He looked at his aged reflection in the mirror opposite and pushed the heels of his palms into his eyes.
“It was nineteen years ago, the day I first stepped into this room. I had made it through the auditions, moved to Seoul and became a full time trainee. I was alone, terrified and definitely very stupid...”
Jae stood in the doorway looking around the crowded room. So many people, ranging from children to young adults all grouped together in the small space. Someone bumped into him and he jumped slightly, bowing to the senior and moving away to stand closer to a wall. A man entered the room, calling out for quiet, an order that was obeyed within seconds.
“Good morning everyone. I am Lee SooMan, the CEO and owner of this company.” he said. He was not a tall man, though his voice was strong and full of authority.
“Good morning Lee Susang-nim.” the room chorused. Jae joined in, trying his best to melt into the back ground. The man gave all before him a gentle look, one that a teacher might give his students,
“Every single one of you is here to fulfil a dream. Whether that is a dream that you have harboured for a long time, or whether it is something you have been brought up to posses. Every person in this room has an exceptional talent and has been picked out of hundreds to be recruited into my company, that is the main thing I want you to understand. All of you who stand before me are talented, no one is superior, no one is above anyone. I see all your shiny young faces, full of anticipation and it makes me confident that there are many people in this room who will make me proud. I cannot guarantee to all of you that you will proceed to debut, I cannot promise you that making it into this company is a golden ticket to fame. The life you are going into is hard, exhausting and stressful. You will dance until your feet bleed, you will sing until you're hoarse, you will work until you collapse, because that is the price to pay for the life that you have selected. If anyone in this room feels like they cannot handle this, there is a door behind you. I have high expectations. Do not disappoint me.” the man spoke strongly. Jae looked timidly around the room, drifting across all the determined faces, until his eyes landed directly on the door. He swallowed thickly and took in a deep breath, refusing to give up. He was scared, but then, wouldn't he be crazy not to be? Jae stood alone at the edge of the room as he saw the trainees begin to awkwardly mingle, friends recognised one another from across the room, and soon there was the hum of excited conversation.
“You okay?” a strong voice said from beside him, that voice full of authority. Jae immediately bowed low before the CEO of their company, not knowing what to say.
“I... yeah.” he said, before quickly correcting himself, “yes, Susang-nim.”
“Kim JaeJoong, am I right?” he asked, looking Jae straight in the eyes, making him feel uncomfortable.
“Yes, Susang-nim.” was Jae's short reply. Lee SooMan smiled down at the boy, just as a group of adults entered the room.
“I have high hopes for you, JaeJoong.” was all the CEO revealed before swiftly disappearing from his side. Jae bit his lip and felt his stomach churn, the butterflies in his stomach transforming into a hurricane. The group of adults stood in front of all the trainees, summoning another silence on the room. A tall man, obviously a dancer, placed a hand on his hip and began to call out names from a small white sheet in his hands. Five teens stood at the front of the room, three girls and two boys, looking nervously around. Were they being sent home already? Had the company decided to take away their contract?
“You will be in training group A. The rest of your group are in room five.” he said, pointing towards the door. They were all being sorted into groups. Jae watched from his place at the back of the room as the trainees were being sorted, waiting for his name to be called. Five remained in the room,
“Kwon YuRi, Lee SungMin, Kim JaeJoong, Han Geng and Lee DongHae.” the trainer called, causing each of the remaining five to look up at him. “You're group E. You will train in here. There are four other members in your group and they are the leading group in this company. SooMan-Nim has showed special interest in your group, I expect you to work hard.” All five nodded, swallowing their fear. Jae looked at the other five in the room and began to think, would any one in that room debut? Would they all work until they collapsed for nothing? Would he ever stand on the stage and sing?
None spoke. The room was absolutely silent as nerves and discomfort spread, waiting for the rest of their group to arrive.
“Yah! JunSu-ah!” they heard a yell from the hallways, followed by laughter as a boy ran into the room, a phone in his hands and a wide grin plastered on his face.
“How many times must I tell you to call me Hyung!” the boy asked in a taunting voice as another burst into the room, grabbing for the phone.
“Give it back!” he yelled. “And I am your Hyung! I expect you to bow at my feat and beg your precious Hyung-Nim for forgivenes!”
“Never!” the one Jae assumed was JunSu laughed. The two began to wrestle, laughter and energy filling the room, centred on the big gummy smile and the kind grin of the two boys.
“Kim JunSu, Lee HyukJae, get off the floor.” the trainer's stern voice ended the fight as the two stood immediately, their heads down and their arms behind their backs.
“I'm sorry, Susang-nim” they both said in unison, trying to hold down their laughter. Jae watched the two, still standing at the back of the room, when the door opened again. A teenage girl entered, followed closely by a boy. She looked like she was a similar age to the others in the room, maybe a little bit younger, she had dirty blonde hair, which was obviously fake due to her almond shaped eyes and evident Asian heritage. She sent Jae a kind smile, bowing her head slightly in greeting, before moving to speak to the trainer. The boy who walked beside her was slightly taller, and for some reason he drew more of Jae's attention. His short black hair was spiky, but not intentionally. His eyes were dark and his teeth uneven, giving his face extra character. Jae would guess that many girls would find the teen attractive, but who was he to make a judgement on a man's appeal?
“Now that everyone is here, we may as well introduce everyone.” The trainer said, pushing the mischievous two forward, “Starting with you two.”
“I'm Kim JunSu.” the first one said, smiling at the five new members in the group. “I sing, and I guess I dance too.” His voice was husky, but gentle.
“I'm Lee HyukJae, I dance and rap.” the second said, his wide gummy smile giving him a friendly and kind air. Jae already knew that he would get along with those two.
“My name is Kim HyoYeon, I'm a dancer.” The girl smiled at each person in the room. “I hope we can train together, and become good friends!” She seemed kind, and friendly. Easy to approach. Finally, those in the room turned to face the last boy,
“I'm Jung YunHo. I dance and rap. I look forward to training with you all, and getting to know you all better.” He bowed to each person in the room, showing respect and politeness. Jae awkwardly bowed back, their eyes meeting for a brief moment. YunHo gave Jae a wide smile, his face gentle and kind, his wonky teeth making him look almost childlike.
“Is that it? Is that when you fell in love with him?” MinJong asked, he looked not much unlike a child on Christmas morning, about to see what was left by Santa during the cold night.
“Not quite,” Jae replied, his eyes distant and a small smile touching his lips.
“Oh...” MinJong sounded disappointed enough to pull Jae from his thoughts.
“Oh?” Jae questioned,
“So... it wasn't love at first sight?” the trainee asked, looking ripped off. Jae caught himself before he smiled at the teens naïvety,
“It very rarely is,” was all he replied.
“How about after you first saw him dance? Was it then?” MinJong asked, almost pleading.
“I was a sixteen year old boy who had been brought up in a homophobic culture my whole life and you're asking me if I fell for a boy my first time seeing him dance?” the senior asked, pointing out the stupidity in the comment.
“... I'm sorry.” MinJong apologised, moving away from the other,
“It was a while before I realised. It's not as simple as love at first sight.” He paused for a moment, gathering the strength to say the name. “YunHo and I were never any type of simple.” he sighed, closing his eyes. “Yes, when I saw him dance I felt something, but it was closer to admiration than to love. He always seemed so strong and powerful, so ready to take anything head on. He was amazing to say the least. I was constantly exhausted, awkward at dancing, uncoordinated and scared, YunHo was just so on top of everything, I was in awe of that.”
“Yet you didn't feel anything for him?” MinJong pressed,
“When I really think about it, I can remember when that feeling of awe and admiration turned into something... Something different, I guess. It was three months or so since I joined the group...”
Jae was exhausted. Everything hurt, every muscle, every bone, his throat and especially his head. He tugged the strap of his bag over his shoulder and pushed the door to the men's bathroom open, dragging his feet into the room to see YunHo with his back to the door, speaking softly into a phone.
“Dad please! You know how much this means to me!... Why should I give up?... I do respect you!... I'm happy here!... Dad please... Please, dad... I love you...” Jae didn't know what to do, he was frozen, should he go? Should he tell YunHo he was there? He could definitely hear muffled yelling coming from the other end of the line and... Was that a sniff? Was YunHo crying? “Dad... Please...” YunHo said again, his voice sounded weaker. The yelling stopped and YunHo pulled the phone away from his ear, pushing the device gently into his pocket. The teen turned to face Jae, looking slightly startled at his presence,
“Are... Are you okay?” was all Jae could think to ask. YunHo smiled and bowed his head, not speaking a word as he pushed passed the elder boy to the door. Jae was again at a loss of what to do, should he follow YunHo outside?
“YunHo?” came a voice from the doorway. Jae turned and saw JunSu's head sticking into the room, a concerned look on his face.
“He just left...” Jae said, walking towards the door, all thoughts of his personal health gone. JunSu nodded his head and disappeared. Jae left the bathroom and began to walk down the hall, opening the front door to the building and walking outside into the cold October night.
“YunHo?” Jae heard JunSu's gentle voice coming from his left. The teen turned and saw a silhouette place a hand on the back of another figure. YunHo looked fragile, his body shaking and his breath uneven. “YunHo, do you need to stay at my house again tonight?” JunSu asked, his voice soothing.
“I don't want to be a problem... I guess I can try and find...” JunSu cut the elder off by chuckling.
“Stop being so damn polite. You know you're always welcome at mine, even when you're not welcome at yours.” he said, pulling YunHo into a hug. That was the first time Jae had seen fragility in the teen he admired so much. His heart ached and he wanted nothing but to pull YunHo into his arms and just hold him, hold him until all the pain went away.
Jae shook his head, pushing such thoughts from his mind, before turning in the direction of his own home. He turned his head slightly to look back at the two friends, they were already gone.