L Word - Season 6, episode 2
It feels like forever since I reviewed the 1st episode of season 6, but now my wait is over & I’ve seen episode 2. Yay! Actually, I’d already seen 75% of this episode in “sneak peeks” on youTube so, I’m fairly sure that there were only like 4 or 5 scenes that were new to me.
So, we open with Nikki in a scene from one of those cool teen dramas… uhm, maybe The OC, or what I remember Beverly Hills 90210 being like… not really, but it certainly doesn’t seem like a scene from The L Word. So, she has a little rant; kicks all of her friends out of her flat/hotel room/wherever the heck she is then threatens Jenny “You are dead meat Schecter. Dead.”
So, is this what the pre-title teasers are gonna be this season? No pointless flashbacks to some random acts of sex? Just people threatening Jenny’s life? So, Nikki this episode; from the previews it looks like Tina next episode; Alice in episode 4; Max in episode 5; probably Bette in episode 6; Helena in episode 7; and then Shane in episode 8. Maybe.
Whatever…. You’ll be pleased to know that Nikki does not appear again for the rest of the episode.
Oh, we’re in the Hit Club (okay, the name is growing on me), and Helena & Kit have both stolen those really big thick glasses that Jenny’s so fond of wearing. It’s odd; have either of these characters worn glasses before? They’re employing a new DJ, a drag queen called Sunset Boulevard; hey, I have an idea, why not hire Carmen? Remember when she DJ’d at The Planet? Those were some good times.
Meanwhile at The Planet - oh no it must be later on, ‘cos Kit’s there - it’s the great divide. Jenny, Tasha & Alice on one table, Kit & Shane at another…. Why would Alice not be sat with Shane? That makes no sense; Alice & Tasha don’t actually like Jenny. Nobody actually likes Jenny, apart from Shane really, for some insane, incomprehensible reason. The waitress brings breakfast over, including waffles for Jenny, but wait she didn’t order those! I don’t care if she ordered them or not, they look delicious, scarf them down anyway Jenny. Shane - who is impersonating a naughty school boy with a crush in this episode, no seriously - bounces on her seat whilst Kit tells Jenny that Shane made those especially for her. However, Jenny doesn’t want Shane’s waffles and proceeds to throw them away…. No Jenny, don’t throw them away, send them to me; or give them to Tina ”I love waffles! I’m getting waffles.”; or Tasha ”I need the carbs for training.”; or the starving people that Kit reminds us there are in the world.
Bette & Tina have entered, raving about the new valet service - what, can these people not park their own cars? - and how Helena is taking this place to a whole new level… with waffles. Noticing the great divide (I don’t agree with this ‘cheaters & martyrs’ thing, ‘cos technically cheaters = Bette, Shane, Jenny & Tina; martyrs = Alice, Tasha, Kit & Helena.) they have a little game of ‘Rock, paper, scissors’ to decide who will sit with whom. Apparently Bette doesn’t understand this game because she’s always rock; & so Tina always wins, & what does Tina win? The chance to sit at Jenny’s table. Wait, what? That’s the good prize? Bette lost & got to sit with her best friend & her sister!
At the boring table everyone is busy, Tasha’s studying whilst Jenny & Alice type away on their laptops, and they’re both writing treatments - medical treatments? No, treatments for films. - I have no experience of the movie business, so the term ‘treatment’ just throws me sideways every time I hear it, ‘cos I’ve never heard it used to describe a screenplay before. But I guess that’s just my problem.
Tina’s being very nice and complementing Jenny’s screenwriting skills …I can’t decide if she’s being genuinely nice; or if she’s just spent so long kissing Jenny’s ass for the sake of the movie that she does it instinctively now. Alice should let Jenny read her treatment. Or not, ‘cos Alice has typed like, an entire page where as Jenny has barely managed a sentence. Alice is gonna write a screenplay, sell it for millions & move to Malibu, but not really ‘cos Tasha hates Malibu. Oh, Tasha looks hot in a suit, but I disagree with Alice’s opinion that she doesn’t normally make an effort, ‘cos I think Tasha always looks good. Actually, Alice & Tasha have kinda become like season 1 Bette & Tina (Alice is Bette, Tash is Tina)
Through all this, Tina & Bette are texting each other about what’s going on, except Tina’s the only one who has anything to report ‘cos the other table (which is like 2 feet away, can they not overhear what’s being said?) believe it or not, is the extremely boring table where absolutely nothing is being said. Tina’s phone’s kinda cool, I think I want one.
Alice is cute in this scene. I just felt like throwing that in, ‘cos I feel as though this is dull.
Alice & Tasha are going to therapy at 6:00… oh, that’ll be fun. Where’s Dana saying ”Why do you need to see a therapist? You guys have the best relationship of anyone I know, gay or straight.”? Actually, it’s probably good that she’s not there, look what happened to Bette & Tina after she said that to them! Tasha’s not happy that Alice told everyone that they’re going for therapy & storms off, past Helena, who looks like she just got back from a run, but must not have ‘cos, after refusing to take sides she goes for a run.
Blah… this scene is, in essence, blah.
Tina & Bette have some good news! It’s so good that they have to announce it 3 times ”We have good news” “yeah we have good news” “good news”. Bette’s like a school boy with a crush too - ”Why don’t you tell them?” accompanied by the cutest most smitten little smile. They registered with 3 different agencies and could have a baby in the next 6 months! When did they register with these agencies? They’ve only been discussing the possibility of adopting for a little over a week, and I’m fairly sure the whole process takes just a little bit longer than that. Doesn’t it? Whatever. They’re gonna build a second storey on the house, which Jenny finds mightily annoying ‘cos she won’t be able to write with all that noise and she needs a new roommate and nobody will want to live next to all of their noise. Actually Jenny, I think more people would object to living with an annoying, egotistical psychopath. Just a thought.
But, Jenny doesn’t need a new roommate anyway, ‘cos Shane believes that they can work this out. ‘Cos indeed, why wouldn’t Jenny forgive her? After all she did nothing wrong! *Rolls eyes* Bye bye Jenny, how long ‘til you die?
Alice is cute once again, twirling her fingers in the air and announcing ”The black hole.”.
Oh look, Max is in this episode. Where was he anyway? Off canoodling with Tom somewhere I imagine. Shane’s planting flower boxes for Jenny - I think Jenny just likes having a little slave; she’s gotten used to it after having Adele all but digest her food for her last season. Max can’t fix Jenny’s computer today, he has his final consult - has he had an initial consult? Oh, he went to see someone once with Jenny didn’t he? Back in season 3.
Meanwhile, Tina’s gone to work only to find out that the movie she spent less than 2 months helping to make has become a tacky Mills & Boon novel. Seriously, what is that movie poster? Tina’s face says it all really. But apparently, this movie (‘The Girls’) is gonna be so hot that it’ll make Sex & the City look like a Disney movie. It doesn’t look hot. It looks like a run of the mill, nothing special, straight to TV fluff movie. I want to know how they filmed & edited a new ending & had a test screening in a week? & all without the producer knowing anything about it?
Oh look, Bette’s at work too. Everyone at the university is saying how wonderful Jodi’s ‘Core’ piece was. Really? People who work with Bette, people who are answerable to Bette, think that it was amazing? Odd. I have a question, why is Jodi even there, didn’t she quit her job?
Max thinks his pecs are bigger than Toms, and is also pregnant. Why is he so disappointed that they’re postponing the surgery? He went to have the surgery at the end of season 4 and decided against it. When did he suddenly decide that he does want it after all?
Then we have a scene which apparently only exists to tell us that Jodi has forgotten how to lip-read and is completely lost without Tom to interpret for her. Bette wants to talk to Phyllis about how unprofessional and insane and generally crappy Jodi’s artwork is. But, Joyce is in Phyllis’s office buck naked, so that meeting will have to wait.
Joyce wants Phyllis to marry her; Phyllis has asked how expensive the ring was and slipped it on her own finger even whilst she almost turns Joyce down. That’s a bit mean - I don’t wanna get married again, but this ring’s really expensive so I’m keeping it anyway.
I don’t like Joyce. Or Phyllis. I have no interest in this relationship at all.
Therapy. Dan Foxworthy has a new office, with a new couch. Alice won’t stop speaking… typical Alice really, lol. Which Dan finds annoying, & Tasha is too laid back to care about, but I think is rather adorable. Why would Tasha resent Alice for not cleaning? Remember season 1 Alice, who did nothing but clean? Or season 2 & season 4 Alice who needed her apartment back ‘cos it was such a mess and she was kinda OCD about being neat & clean? I don’t believe that anyone cleans more than Alice.
Tasha’s ever so observant & insightful. Did she do a psychology degree whilst she was in the army?
Max has gone for an abortion and encounters a bitchy receptionist - what’s with the bitchy receptionists this season?
Jenny’s typing while Shane washes her car - it’s like that scene in Charlie’s Angel, except without Drew Barrymore, and it’s not in the least bit sexy. Jenny needs complete silence and wants Shane to turn the music off. Whatever, that scene was pointless.
Meanwhile, back in therapy, Alice & Tasha are both being adorable now, all hold-y hand-y and making promises to each other. Except, these promises are rather unbalanced, Alice is gonna make room for Tasha’s stuff; Tasha is gonna see things from Alice’s POV, not be judgemental & be the one to make breakfast for a change. It’s cute, they giggle at each other, it reminds me why I want these two to figure stuff out. However, Dan’s not convinced & doesn’t think that they should be together at all. That’s a bit unwise Mr. Foxworthy, you just lost yourself some new clients, & you need new clients ‘cos I don’t think Bette & Tina will be coming to see you again… & if they do, they’ll just have sex in the lift & figure everything out for themselves anyway.
Apparently Tash & Alice are not happy with this assessment of their relationship & they speak about this in the underground car park - is there a reason for these random themes that keep popping up? They had an encounter in a car park in the last episode. Did they just get a load of new sets for this season? We have an underground car park, lets use it in every episode! Tasha’s suddenly decided that, despite making the exact same statement in the last episode, she thinks being told that they have nothing in common is bullshit. They proceed to have sex in Alice’s little car. Alice hasn’t had a new car ever. She’s still driving the cute blue Mini she’s had since season 1.
How come they’re not going home together? Their therapy session was at 6, they were there for an hour… Why are they saying that they’ll see each other tonight? Surely it’s already night?
Max can’t have an abortion ‘cos (s)he’s 4 months pregnant already - this is another example of the insane timeline of the L Word; Max & Tom have been together for a month, maximum. Their first date was during the heat wave, which was a week (?) before the Pink Ride, and it’s been about 3 weeks since then. That’s not 4 months. That’s 4 weeks. Tom’s an ass & accuses Max of sleeping around, and also, Tom, you shouldn’t throw your pregnant boy(girl)friend against a wall, it’s mean. Angsty!
Oh, Tash & Alice again, Alice with her quirky lists, thinks they should list the pros & cons of staying together. This is like that episode of Friends, when Ross weighs the pros & cons of being with Rachel vs. Julie. I seem to remember that didn’t end well. Tasha objects to the cons being written in black - it seems random, like she’s just bitching for the sake of bitching. Alice is the only person who has big rolled up sheets of paper and marker pens just conveniently lying around for no apparent reason.
Now, in a new gallery, Bette is leading Tina around like a petulant child and Tina’s making random, ‘I’m really bored’ type observations. Example ”This is weird. I think it's weird.” - Tina has lived with Bette for, how long now? well, at least 7 years, then on & off for a few years after that; has attended copious amounts of gallery openings & art shows & art talks & has just generally been in the general area when Bette has talked about her most favourite topic in the world, right? And yet, the only opinion she can conjure about a piece of artwork is ”I think it's weird.”?
What is that thing that Tina’s carrying around? Is that her purse?
We meet the gallery owner, who’s annoying & full of herself & oh, she knows Bette! I would like to suggest that Bette was not at all as in love with this woman as we’re supposed to believe, ‘cos she doesn’t recognise her at all. I’m sorry, I don’t care how many years have passed, if that’s your first love, the first woman to ever break your heart, you’d recognise her. Shouldn’t this reunion be more awkward? If I suddenly met up with Mel after 20 years we sure as hell wouldn’t be hugging & laughing & swapping complements.
Tina’s even more bored now, probably fed up of waiting for Bette to introduce her to the irritating bitch. Who’s ordered a Maclaren roadster in ”this colour”, the colour in question is grey. And despite the fact that the entire painting is grey, she has to find the smallest spot on the picture to point to. It’s hilarious though, or maybe Bette’s laughing at Kelly ‘cos she’s so stupid?
The Talice pros & cons list has stretched to two sheets, and, oh no, the cons out weight the pros. No no no, they can’t have that; all items must be assigned points. If they’re that disappointed about being told - by a therapist & a list - that they don’t belong together; surely that’s a sign that they really, really want to stay together and should just do so, ‘cos they love each other and they always, always make each other laugh and it’s adorable.
They have to stay together anyway, ‘cos ghost-Dana gave her approval. Ghost-Dana came back from the grave to encourage Alice to pursue this relationship… therefore they cannot break up!
Back at the gallery, Kelly wants to pick Bette’s brains. Jodi’s being insolent and inappropriate. Why are people still gushing about ‘Core’? That’s irritating. Did Jodi shrink? I don’t remember Bette being that much taller than her.
Oh look, a woman in a gold bikini, we must be at Hit. Helena & Kit have sworn off alcohol & sex, which is dull (so says Alice). Only, Helena does still have sex, but she does it Shane style - sex with no emotional entanglements - except, I really don’t think she has recently.
Dylan Morlan (was that her name? sounds about right) is in the club, being the ”filling in the lesbo sandwich” (I love Alice), practically being eaten out on the dance floor. Alice fumes, Kit’s incredulous, Helena pretends not to care, Tasha has no idea what’s going on.
Max is a real man; he’s dealing with his frustration by shooting stuff on the computer. Oh, & throwing his phone against the wall too, so it seems. He didn’t want to talk to Tom, but there Tom is, at his door - some people just can’t take a hint. Tom’s decided he does want to be a fag dad after all, but Max isn’t sure… he’ll think about it though. Tom hugs Max in a way that a mother would hold a young child, which is rather odd, but I’ll let it slide.
Why is Max still living in the tool shed? I thought he had a 6 figure salary? Surely he could afford to live somewhere better than a shed?
Yay TiBette again, just TiBette, with no annoying gallery owners, just Bette & Tina, in their house, being sweet & having sex.
I enjoyed Bette’s little hip-shake, but I did not enjoy when she removed her fake eyelashes - does that not freak anyone else out?
Bette was a player, where did this idea of Bette being a player come from? I don’t buy it. Yeah okay, she cheated on Tina, but not regularly, only once after 7 years and when she was going through emotional turmoil & feeling as though she had to ignore it. We've only ever seen her have one random, anonymous, one night stand, every other relationship/intimate encounter she's had has been very carefully considered & deliberated. & when she was 'meat tagged' (I still don't understand that) in season 2, she wasn't in the least bit interested in any of the women who were throwing themselves at her feet. Plus, she has such strong convictions (quoting season 1 there); so strong in fact, that she couldn’t so much as stay in the same house as Jenny & Marina when she realised that they were carrying on behind Tim’s back.
Tina looks really pretty, I like that dress, even though it looks like she’s wearing a cape. Can she stand over me and tell me that she loves me, with that beautiful smile?
Hit! Alice has reached maximum fuming point and needs Tasha to back her up whilst she makes unintelligible frustrated sounds at Dylan. Thankfully Helena joins them and saves Alice from embarrassing herself further. Helena feigns disinterest as Dylan comes out & apologises for everything she did & blah, blah, blah…
Whilst this is going on, Alice is giving Tasha a recap on everything that’s happened to Helena since she met Dylan… which is apparently all Dylan’s fault. I’m sure it’s not, but, whatever. I didn’t need that recap, I watched all 5 previous seasons of this show, I’m well aware of everything that’s happened. Although, I love Alice for the line ”And don’t get me started on the kids, ‘cos where did they go?” Lol! Alice has become the voice of the viewing public! She’s asking all the questions that we’ve been asking. First, where the heck did Papi vanish to? Now, where are Helena’s kids? Next week, I think a ”What the fuck happened to Carmen anyway? Did she like, leave the country or something?” is in order. That’d be amusing.
No longer able to hide her feelings, Helena runs after Dylan and throws her into a car (there’s lots of people being thrown into things this episode) and yells at her, which of course is exactly what Dylan was hoping for, ‘cos now she knows that Helena cares. Whatever…
Final scene. Back at Jenny & Shane’s - this must be the next morning. Shane needs her stuff - she’s lasted a week without her stuff, including her toothbrush apparently, why does she suddenly need it now? And she should stop pounding on that pane of glass, it looks like it’s about to fall out. She’s given up, she’s sick of being Jenny’s slave; she’s sick of saying sorry; she doesn’t see the point any more. Of course we all know that the point is that Jenny’s in love with her. And when she said that ”you broke my heart.” she felt as though her heart was breaking. Well, I am glad she cleared that up, ‘cos that’s a pretty ambiguous statement! *Rolls eyes*
Shane’s unsure how to process this new info… something along the lines of ”Holy shit, the psycho’s in love with me! How do I handle this? Well, I do care about her… for some unknown reason; and she is my best friend; and if I’m nice, she won’t kick me out of the house; and she does have a history of self-harm…. I should give her a hug just in case she’s feeling like reaching for a razor blade.” And so, they hug. And then they kiss, ‘cos Shane always feels as though she has to give people whatever they want from her (that’s true, she went to confession & told a priest that); and because she is profoundly sorry and will do anything to make Jenny forgive her; and because Shane is so desperate to find love, to have what Bette & Tina had way back in season one, that she grabs blindly onto any opportunity of love that comes her way. ‘Cept Carmen, but she was still cut up about Cherie Jaffe when she met Carmen, and she did beat herself up a lot about not taking the chance with Carmen.
Whatever, I don’t buy into this relationship; this whole thing is born out of guilt. If they’d gotten together any other way, I would have accepted it, ‘cos they genuinely do work together and they’ve had several moments when it’s been apparent that Shane adores Jenny & will do absolutely anything for her. But as it is, those are not the things that brought them together, Shane’s guilt and Jenny’s emotional manipulation has brought them together. And that just does not bode well.
Whatever. Yeah, my overall reaction to this episode has been ‘Whatever’.
I’m sorry, if at any time you found my review to be dull & pointless. I think next week I’ll go back to quick little summaries, rather than a scene-by-scene analysis. What do you think?
So, we open with Nikki in a scene from one of those cool teen dramas… uhm, maybe The OC, or what I remember Beverly Hills 90210 being like… not really, but it certainly doesn’t seem like a scene from The L Word. So, she has a little rant; kicks all of her friends out of her flat/hotel room/wherever the heck she is then threatens Jenny “You are dead meat Schecter. Dead.”
So, is this what the pre-title teasers are gonna be this season? No pointless flashbacks to some random acts of sex? Just people threatening Jenny’s life? So, Nikki this episode; from the previews it looks like Tina next episode; Alice in episode 4; Max in episode 5; probably Bette in episode 6; Helena in episode 7; and then Shane in episode 8. Maybe.
Whatever…. You’ll be pleased to know that Nikki does not appear again for the rest of the episode.
Oh, we’re in the Hit Club (okay, the name is growing on me), and Helena & Kit have both stolen those really big thick glasses that Jenny’s so fond of wearing. It’s odd; have either of these characters worn glasses before? They’re employing a new DJ, a drag queen called Sunset Boulevard; hey, I have an idea, why not hire Carmen? Remember when she DJ’d at The Planet? Those were some good times.
Meanwhile at The Planet - oh no it must be later on, ‘cos Kit’s there - it’s the great divide. Jenny, Tasha & Alice on one table, Kit & Shane at another…. Why would Alice not be sat with Shane? That makes no sense; Alice & Tasha don’t actually like Jenny. Nobody actually likes Jenny, apart from Shane really, for some insane, incomprehensible reason. The waitress brings breakfast over, including waffles for Jenny, but wait she didn’t order those! I don’t care if she ordered them or not, they look delicious, scarf them down anyway Jenny. Shane - who is impersonating a naughty school boy with a crush in this episode, no seriously - bounces on her seat whilst Kit tells Jenny that Shane made those especially for her. However, Jenny doesn’t want Shane’s waffles and proceeds to throw them away…. No Jenny, don’t throw them away, send them to me; or give them to Tina ”I love waffles! I’m getting waffles.”; or Tasha ”I need the carbs for training.”; or the starving people that Kit reminds us there are in the world.
Bette & Tina have entered, raving about the new valet service - what, can these people not park their own cars? - and how Helena is taking this place to a whole new level… with waffles. Noticing the great divide (I don’t agree with this ‘cheaters & martyrs’ thing, ‘cos technically cheaters = Bette, Shane, Jenny & Tina; martyrs = Alice, Tasha, Kit & Helena.) they have a little game of ‘Rock, paper, scissors’ to decide who will sit with whom. Apparently Bette doesn’t understand this game because she’s always rock; & so Tina always wins, & what does Tina win? The chance to sit at Jenny’s table. Wait, what? That’s the good prize? Bette lost & got to sit with her best friend & her sister!
At the boring table everyone is busy, Tasha’s studying whilst Jenny & Alice type away on their laptops, and they’re both writing treatments - medical treatments? No, treatments for films. - I have no experience of the movie business, so the term ‘treatment’ just throws me sideways every time I hear it, ‘cos I’ve never heard it used to describe a screenplay before. But I guess that’s just my problem.
Tina’s being very nice and complementing Jenny’s screenwriting skills …I can’t decide if she’s being genuinely nice; or if she’s just spent so long kissing Jenny’s ass for the sake of the movie that she does it instinctively now. Alice should let Jenny read her treatment. Or not, ‘cos Alice has typed like, an entire page where as Jenny has barely managed a sentence. Alice is gonna write a screenplay, sell it for millions & move to Malibu, but not really ‘cos Tasha hates Malibu. Oh, Tasha looks hot in a suit, but I disagree with Alice’s opinion that she doesn’t normally make an effort, ‘cos I think Tasha always looks good. Actually, Alice & Tasha have kinda become like season 1 Bette & Tina (Alice is Bette, Tash is Tina)
Through all this, Tina & Bette are texting each other about what’s going on, except Tina’s the only one who has anything to report ‘cos the other table (which is like 2 feet away, can they not overhear what’s being said?) believe it or not, is the extremely boring table where absolutely nothing is being said. Tina’s phone’s kinda cool, I think I want one.
Alice is cute in this scene. I just felt like throwing that in, ‘cos I feel as though this is dull.
Alice & Tasha are going to therapy at 6:00… oh, that’ll be fun. Where’s Dana saying ”Why do you need to see a therapist? You guys have the best relationship of anyone I know, gay or straight.”? Actually, it’s probably good that she’s not there, look what happened to Bette & Tina after she said that to them! Tasha’s not happy that Alice told everyone that they’re going for therapy & storms off, past Helena, who looks like she just got back from a run, but must not have ‘cos, after refusing to take sides she goes for a run.
Blah… this scene is, in essence, blah.
Tina & Bette have some good news! It’s so good that they have to announce it 3 times ”We have good news” “yeah we have good news” “good news”. Bette’s like a school boy with a crush too - ”Why don’t you tell them?” accompanied by the cutest most smitten little smile. They registered with 3 different agencies and could have a baby in the next 6 months! When did they register with these agencies? They’ve only been discussing the possibility of adopting for a little over a week, and I’m fairly sure the whole process takes just a little bit longer than that. Doesn’t it? Whatever. They’re gonna build a second storey on the house, which Jenny finds mightily annoying ‘cos she won’t be able to write with all that noise and she needs a new roommate and nobody will want to live next to all of their noise. Actually Jenny, I think more people would object to living with an annoying, egotistical psychopath. Just a thought.
But, Jenny doesn’t need a new roommate anyway, ‘cos Shane believes that they can work this out. ‘Cos indeed, why wouldn’t Jenny forgive her? After all she did nothing wrong! *Rolls eyes* Bye bye Jenny, how long ‘til you die?
Alice is cute once again, twirling her fingers in the air and announcing ”The black hole.”.
Oh look, Max is in this episode. Where was he anyway? Off canoodling with Tom somewhere I imagine. Shane’s planting flower boxes for Jenny - I think Jenny just likes having a little slave; she’s gotten used to it after having Adele all but digest her food for her last season. Max can’t fix Jenny’s computer today, he has his final consult - has he had an initial consult? Oh, he went to see someone once with Jenny didn’t he? Back in season 3.
Meanwhile, Tina’s gone to work only to find out that the movie she spent less than 2 months helping to make has become a tacky Mills & Boon novel. Seriously, what is that movie poster? Tina’s face says it all really. But apparently, this movie (‘The Girls’) is gonna be so hot that it’ll make Sex & the City look like a Disney movie. It doesn’t look hot. It looks like a run of the mill, nothing special, straight to TV fluff movie. I want to know how they filmed & edited a new ending & had a test screening in a week? & all without the producer knowing anything about it?
Oh look, Bette’s at work too. Everyone at the university is saying how wonderful Jodi’s ‘Core’ piece was. Really? People who work with Bette, people who are answerable to Bette, think that it was amazing? Odd. I have a question, why is Jodi even there, didn’t she quit her job?
Max thinks his pecs are bigger than Toms, and is also pregnant. Why is he so disappointed that they’re postponing the surgery? He went to have the surgery at the end of season 4 and decided against it. When did he suddenly decide that he does want it after all?
Then we have a scene which apparently only exists to tell us that Jodi has forgotten how to lip-read and is completely lost without Tom to interpret for her. Bette wants to talk to Phyllis about how unprofessional and insane and generally crappy Jodi’s artwork is. But, Joyce is in Phyllis’s office buck naked, so that meeting will have to wait.
Joyce wants Phyllis to marry her; Phyllis has asked how expensive the ring was and slipped it on her own finger even whilst she almost turns Joyce down. That’s a bit mean - I don’t wanna get married again, but this ring’s really expensive so I’m keeping it anyway.
I don’t like Joyce. Or Phyllis. I have no interest in this relationship at all.
Therapy. Dan Foxworthy has a new office, with a new couch. Alice won’t stop speaking… typical Alice really, lol. Which Dan finds annoying, & Tasha is too laid back to care about, but I think is rather adorable. Why would Tasha resent Alice for not cleaning? Remember season 1 Alice, who did nothing but clean? Or season 2 & season 4 Alice who needed her apartment back ‘cos it was such a mess and she was kinda OCD about being neat & clean? I don’t believe that anyone cleans more than Alice.
Tasha’s ever so observant & insightful. Did she do a psychology degree whilst she was in the army?
Max has gone for an abortion and encounters a bitchy receptionist - what’s with the bitchy receptionists this season?
Jenny’s typing while Shane washes her car - it’s like that scene in Charlie’s Angel, except without Drew Barrymore, and it’s not in the least bit sexy. Jenny needs complete silence and wants Shane to turn the music off. Whatever, that scene was pointless.
Meanwhile, back in therapy, Alice & Tasha are both being adorable now, all hold-y hand-y and making promises to each other. Except, these promises are rather unbalanced, Alice is gonna make room for Tasha’s stuff; Tasha is gonna see things from Alice’s POV, not be judgemental & be the one to make breakfast for a change. It’s cute, they giggle at each other, it reminds me why I want these two to figure stuff out. However, Dan’s not convinced & doesn’t think that they should be together at all. That’s a bit unwise Mr. Foxworthy, you just lost yourself some new clients, & you need new clients ‘cos I don’t think Bette & Tina will be coming to see you again… & if they do, they’ll just have sex in the lift & figure everything out for themselves anyway.
Apparently Tash & Alice are not happy with this assessment of their relationship & they speak about this in the underground car park - is there a reason for these random themes that keep popping up? They had an encounter in a car park in the last episode. Did they just get a load of new sets for this season? We have an underground car park, lets use it in every episode! Tasha’s suddenly decided that, despite making the exact same statement in the last episode, she thinks being told that they have nothing in common is bullshit. They proceed to have sex in Alice’s little car. Alice hasn’t had a new car ever. She’s still driving the cute blue Mini she’s had since season 1.
How come they’re not going home together? Their therapy session was at 6, they were there for an hour… Why are they saying that they’ll see each other tonight? Surely it’s already night?
Max can’t have an abortion ‘cos (s)he’s 4 months pregnant already - this is another example of the insane timeline of the L Word; Max & Tom have been together for a month, maximum. Their first date was during the heat wave, which was a week (?) before the Pink Ride, and it’s been about 3 weeks since then. That’s not 4 months. That’s 4 weeks. Tom’s an ass & accuses Max of sleeping around, and also, Tom, you shouldn’t throw your pregnant boy(girl)friend against a wall, it’s mean. Angsty!
Oh, Tash & Alice again, Alice with her quirky lists, thinks they should list the pros & cons of staying together. This is like that episode of Friends, when Ross weighs the pros & cons of being with Rachel vs. Julie. I seem to remember that didn’t end well. Tasha objects to the cons being written in black - it seems random, like she’s just bitching for the sake of bitching. Alice is the only person who has big rolled up sheets of paper and marker pens just conveniently lying around for no apparent reason.
Now, in a new gallery, Bette is leading Tina around like a petulant child and Tina’s making random, ‘I’m really bored’ type observations. Example ”This is weird. I think it's weird.” - Tina has lived with Bette for, how long now? well, at least 7 years, then on & off for a few years after that; has attended copious amounts of gallery openings & art shows & art talks & has just generally been in the general area when Bette has talked about her most favourite topic in the world, right? And yet, the only opinion she can conjure about a piece of artwork is ”I think it's weird.”?
What is that thing that Tina’s carrying around? Is that her purse?
We meet the gallery owner, who’s annoying & full of herself & oh, she knows Bette! I would like to suggest that Bette was not at all as in love with this woman as we’re supposed to believe, ‘cos she doesn’t recognise her at all. I’m sorry, I don’t care how many years have passed, if that’s your first love, the first woman to ever break your heart, you’d recognise her. Shouldn’t this reunion be more awkward? If I suddenly met up with Mel after 20 years we sure as hell wouldn’t be hugging & laughing & swapping complements.
Tina’s even more bored now, probably fed up of waiting for Bette to introduce her to the irritating bitch. Who’s ordered a Maclaren roadster in ”this colour”, the colour in question is grey. And despite the fact that the entire painting is grey, she has to find the smallest spot on the picture to point to. It’s hilarious though, or maybe Bette’s laughing at Kelly ‘cos she’s so stupid?
The Talice pros & cons list has stretched to two sheets, and, oh no, the cons out weight the pros. No no no, they can’t have that; all items must be assigned points. If they’re that disappointed about being told - by a therapist & a list - that they don’t belong together; surely that’s a sign that they really, really want to stay together and should just do so, ‘cos they love each other and they always, always make each other laugh and it’s adorable.
They have to stay together anyway, ‘cos ghost-Dana gave her approval. Ghost-Dana came back from the grave to encourage Alice to pursue this relationship… therefore they cannot break up!
Back at the gallery, Kelly wants to pick Bette’s brains. Jodi’s being insolent and inappropriate. Why are people still gushing about ‘Core’? That’s irritating. Did Jodi shrink? I don’t remember Bette being that much taller than her.
Oh look, a woman in a gold bikini, we must be at Hit. Helena & Kit have sworn off alcohol & sex, which is dull (so says Alice). Only, Helena does still have sex, but she does it Shane style - sex with no emotional entanglements - except, I really don’t think she has recently.
Dylan Morlan (was that her name? sounds about right) is in the club, being the ”filling in the lesbo sandwich” (I love Alice), practically being eaten out on the dance floor. Alice fumes, Kit’s incredulous, Helena pretends not to care, Tasha has no idea what’s going on.
Max is a real man; he’s dealing with his frustration by shooting stuff on the computer. Oh, & throwing his phone against the wall too, so it seems. He didn’t want to talk to Tom, but there Tom is, at his door - some people just can’t take a hint. Tom’s decided he does want to be a fag dad after all, but Max isn’t sure… he’ll think about it though. Tom hugs Max in a way that a mother would hold a young child, which is rather odd, but I’ll let it slide.
Why is Max still living in the tool shed? I thought he had a 6 figure salary? Surely he could afford to live somewhere better than a shed?
Yay TiBette again, just TiBette, with no annoying gallery owners, just Bette & Tina, in their house, being sweet & having sex.
I enjoyed Bette’s little hip-shake, but I did not enjoy when she removed her fake eyelashes - does that not freak anyone else out?
Bette was a player, where did this idea of Bette being a player come from? I don’t buy it. Yeah okay, she cheated on Tina, but not regularly, only once after 7 years and when she was going through emotional turmoil & feeling as though she had to ignore it. We've only ever seen her have one random, anonymous, one night stand, every other relationship/intimate encounter she's had has been very carefully considered & deliberated. & when she was 'meat tagged' (I still don't understand that) in season 2, she wasn't in the least bit interested in any of the women who were throwing themselves at her feet. Plus, she has such strong convictions (quoting season 1 there); so strong in fact, that she couldn’t so much as stay in the same house as Jenny & Marina when she realised that they were carrying on behind Tim’s back.
Tina looks really pretty, I like that dress, even though it looks like she’s wearing a cape. Can she stand over me and tell me that she loves me, with that beautiful smile?
Hit! Alice has reached maximum fuming point and needs Tasha to back her up whilst she makes unintelligible frustrated sounds at Dylan. Thankfully Helena joins them and saves Alice from embarrassing herself further. Helena feigns disinterest as Dylan comes out & apologises for everything she did & blah, blah, blah…
Whilst this is going on, Alice is giving Tasha a recap on everything that’s happened to Helena since she met Dylan… which is apparently all Dylan’s fault. I’m sure it’s not, but, whatever. I didn’t need that recap, I watched all 5 previous seasons of this show, I’m well aware of everything that’s happened. Although, I love Alice for the line ”And don’t get me started on the kids, ‘cos where did they go?” Lol! Alice has become the voice of the viewing public! She’s asking all the questions that we’ve been asking. First, where the heck did Papi vanish to? Now, where are Helena’s kids? Next week, I think a ”What the fuck happened to Carmen anyway? Did she like, leave the country or something?” is in order. That’d be amusing.
No longer able to hide her feelings, Helena runs after Dylan and throws her into a car (there’s lots of people being thrown into things this episode) and yells at her, which of course is exactly what Dylan was hoping for, ‘cos now she knows that Helena cares. Whatever…
Final scene. Back at Jenny & Shane’s - this must be the next morning. Shane needs her stuff - she’s lasted a week without her stuff, including her toothbrush apparently, why does she suddenly need it now? And she should stop pounding on that pane of glass, it looks like it’s about to fall out. She’s given up, she’s sick of being Jenny’s slave; she’s sick of saying sorry; she doesn’t see the point any more. Of course we all know that the point is that Jenny’s in love with her. And when she said that ”you broke my heart.” she felt as though her heart was breaking. Well, I am glad she cleared that up, ‘cos that’s a pretty ambiguous statement! *Rolls eyes*
Shane’s unsure how to process this new info… something along the lines of ”Holy shit, the psycho’s in love with me! How do I handle this? Well, I do care about her… for some unknown reason; and she is my best friend; and if I’m nice, she won’t kick me out of the house; and she does have a history of self-harm…. I should give her a hug just in case she’s feeling like reaching for a razor blade.” And so, they hug. And then they kiss, ‘cos Shane always feels as though she has to give people whatever they want from her (that’s true, she went to confession & told a priest that); and because she is profoundly sorry and will do anything to make Jenny forgive her; and because Shane is so desperate to find love, to have what Bette & Tina had way back in season one, that she grabs blindly onto any opportunity of love that comes her way. ‘Cept Carmen, but she was still cut up about Cherie Jaffe when she met Carmen, and she did beat herself up a lot about not taking the chance with Carmen.
Whatever, I don’t buy into this relationship; this whole thing is born out of guilt. If they’d gotten together any other way, I would have accepted it, ‘cos they genuinely do work together and they’ve had several moments when it’s been apparent that Shane adores Jenny & will do absolutely anything for her. But as it is, those are not the things that brought them together, Shane’s guilt and Jenny’s emotional manipulation has brought them together. And that just does not bode well.
Whatever. Yeah, my overall reaction to this episode has been ‘Whatever’.
I’m sorry, if at any time you found my review to be dull & pointless. I think next week I’ll go back to quick little summaries, rather than a scene-by-scene analysis. What do you think?