"look at those dogs. look at this life. you can leave me, but it's downhill from here. it's never going to get this good again."

could have been worse!

i'll address it all some day. getting a little closure
anxious about facing the music
still sober
still sad

finally broke the spell ( Read more... )

it's a little exhausting to realize i'm probably never going to change. this feeling of agony is so familiar though i'd pushed it aside for so long. reminds me of 2007/2008/lost years of wallowing inside my own head and letting it fill up my stupid brain like i'm drowning in it, up to my eyeballs

walking outside on dewey grass on a chilly morning in late august, with a steaming ceramic mug of black and bitter coffee. pausing to lift the silver rabbit from his outdoor tractor and put him on the grass for the day. he nuzzles my leg. walking out to the garage, smelling the mix of cool salty air and spilled engine oil. the creaky door scrapes ( Read more... )

not sure what that said anyhow

I can't believe it's been over two years since I wrote here. I guess, after where I left it, nothing else seemed to matter. i miss maura all the time, so incredibly hard. Megan is the only person in my everyday life who understands. Of course our old friends know exactly how I feel, but it's weird to think that none of my NYC friends know who she ( Read more... )

I'm confused. I've never had to deal with the loss of someone I was this close to. I've never felt closer to another person- never felt as though- well- I know she got my last letter, my drunken chicken scratch making sure she knew how much she meant to me and how much she was the impetus for my move to New York (it was one year ago last week ( Read more... )

hay friends ( Read more... )