don’t call him sugar (cause sugar’s never as sweet) ( 1/2 )
title: don’t call him sugar (cause sugar’s never as sweet)
rating: PG-13
pairing: sehun/tao
genre: fluff, humor, onlinedating!au
length: 13,211
warnings: lapslock, tsundere!sehun (in early parts)
summary: sehun joins a dating site and finds out that he gets rejected by the only guy he wants to chat with.
a/n: originally written for bottomsehun. again, thanks to baixiange who's always there for brainstorming purposes!
sehun knows. from the moment he woke up this morning, facedown on his study table, he knew that today is going to be a bad day.
and boy, was he right.
he got himself a nice half-an-hour scolding from his lecturer due to him being late on submitting his assignment-it’s not like it’s my fault that i fell asleep doing it, he mentally assured himself in the midst of it, blame him for giving us a boring-ass project. the whole ordeal took up his whole lunchtime, and sehun just happened to not fix himself some breakfast this morning.
amazing.
and, as if it’s not enough of a torture already, the lecturer gave him an additional three-thousand word essay to work on. in hand-written format.
fuck psychology, sehun mutters now as he pushes the glass door, making the little bell hung above it clink merrily that sehun wants to jump up and yank it off. a strong whiff of caffeine hits sehun’s nose as he steps inside the small coffee shop-a place he knows all too well, he hunches his backpack up and makes his way safely to one of the empty tall stools by the bar to sit beside jongin.
that is, not before he trips over his own shoelaces on his last step, making him cringe awkwardly as the legs of the stool grits audibly on the wooden floor.
making a garbled noise that sounds like a mixture of fuck my life and sorry, he climbs up the stool and yanks his old, beaten backpack off his shoulders and starts pulling out his binder with a string of curses.
jongin smirks, patting him comfortingly on the back. “bad day?” sehun only grunts as a response.
“jongin, here’s your cof-oh great, sehun, you’re here!” suddenly another voice comes into sehun’s senses as he lifts his head up and sees luhan serving a cup of coffee. “coffee?” the latter inquires. sehun nods. “and a cheesecake. old minseok made me skip lunch.”
luhan’s eyes crinkle as he hears the name of their least favorite lecturer. kim minseok is well-known to be the most ruthless teacher in the psychology wing, and truth be told, rumors say that nothing good happens after being stuck with him outside of classes. “you got into trouble with him? you better watch for yourself for at least a whole week, then,” luhan winks, and chuckles when sehun lets out yet another groan of despair, “anyways, cheesecake coming right up.”
sehun waits for a solid two minutes, unable to start doing his essay with an empty stomach, so he opts for scribbling profanities and drawing cartoon penises on jongin’s textbook and grins when jongin flips him the finger.
luhan walks out from the pantry a few seconds later with a freshly-brewed americano and a plate of cheesecake. sehun immediately gobbles it down as the plate reaches table. jongin eyes him oddly. “gross.”
“says the man who did the same with the two family-buckets of fried chicken we ordered three days ago,” sehun replies calmly.
jongin takes great pleasure in smacking his best friend across the back of the head.
“okay so i’m just going to be here and wait for you guys to finish bickering,” luhan says, taking a cup from a stack of dishes to wipe. sehun doesn’t even realize that his other best friend is still there.
“what do you want,” sehun says, rhetorically. luhan beams. “I GOT SOME NEWS.”
jongin snorts. “if this has something to do with you listening to your neighbor banging his boyfriend to oblivion that you started to have vivid imaginations on what both of them looked like, i’d rather get back to my homework.” sehun laughs and offers him a high five. jongin gladly returns it. “besides,” he continues, “what is up with you nosing around chanyeol’s sex life all the time?”
luhan throws his wiping cloth to jongin’s face, frowning. “shut up. it’s not my fault that he’s hot. anyways that’s not the point?”
sehun lifts his cup of coffee, bringing it closer to his lips. “so what is it, then?”
at the next moment, sehun immediately regrets asking.
“yours truly here,” luhan points to himself smugly, “snatched himself a date for valentine’s day.”
it takes a solid three seconds for his two friends to react. sehun chokes on his coffee, and jongin literally snaps. “YOU GOT A DATE?”
sehun cannot believe luhan’s already smug face can turn even smugger that he needs to fight back the urge to slap the latter’s face with his impossibly thick binder.
“who’s the unlucky guy?” sehun asks finally, staring at luhan who’s still standing with an animated glee on his face and with his two arms wide open. his smile drops immediately. “has it every crossed your two goddamned minds to congratulate me on this?” but a split second later, his expression turns dreamy as he sing-songs, “he’s tall.”
“oh, here we go,” jongin groans.
“he’s tall, he plays basketball, he’s chinese-canadian, he’s 21 and he’s currently a transfer student in yonsei,” luhan finishes, and his lips suddenly purses into a pout. “damn it, a transfer student. how dare he be so perfect but only temporary.”
sehun throws his pencil at him.
“damn”, jongin whistles, “based on your description, you got yourself a good catch.”
“oh, i’m sure as hell i did,” luhan whips out his phone and scrolls through his gallery. he clicks on a photo and shows it to the both of them. “his name is yifan, but i call him mine.”
sehun lets out a very frustrated wail as he reaches again to his cup of coffee and sip on it.
jongin laughs at him, and frustration starts to bubble in his veins. “can’t you be at least a bit annoyed that he’s super happy right now while your best friend slash classmate here is having the worst day of his life?”
“i thought i am your best friend?” luhan asks cheekily, and ducks just in time to dodge a flying eraser. “shut up, luhan,” sehun gripes.
“luhan-hyung,” the former corrects, and runs away laughing before sehun hurls his whole pencil case.
jongin snorts at the whole ordeal and shakes his head. “oh, stop being bitter like your coffee.”
sehun stares at his americano. great, he thinks, even my coffee is fucking relatable.
sehun admits that he’s a sucker for valentine’s day-he’s the kind of person who makes a week-long preparation of cute little surprises. he enjoys the love-is-in-the-air atmosphere as every february starts, and usually proceeds to list down possible gifts he’ll buy his boyfriend later.
that is, if he’s got one.
he’d spent his valentine’s day alone last year after a bad breakup with his ex two days beforehand. well, not exactly alone. luhan had singlehandedly dubbed themselves as the “hot single college students barhopping for a drop of love” that night, and both sehun and jongin might’ve been a little too drunk to argue with him about how stupid the name sounded.
he also admits that he was bitter when jongin got himself a boyfriend last june-a tiny handsome journalism major named do kyungsoo (he reminds sehun of the sea, calm but sometimes (extremely, don’t tell kyungsoo) violent, and sehun doesn’t understand how he can put up with jongin’s antics all this time)-but then he gradually became happy for his best friend after assuring that kyungsoo can make the boy happy.
he also admits that he’s been bitter in the past few days, dodging every couple in the campus hallway as if they’re a disease to avoid. he has also bailed his way out of any conversations containing the word “dates” and “chocolates”, and has made sure to kick every rose bush he finds along the way to his apartment every time he walks home from campus.
now that luhan, his only single friend left, got himself a hot date, he feels really left out and miserable.
“i’m miserable,” he finally voices out, burying his face on the table, “i hate you all for not being single.”
luhan pats his head awkwardly, only to find his hand being swatted away in annoyance a second later. sehun swears he hears luhan mumble cranky ass but he’s too busy being miserable to react.
“you should go get yourself a date, man,” jongin says, homework completely forgotten, “a date to save your ass from this tragic state you’re in.”
luhan hums in agreement. “when’s the last time you got laid?”
that got sehun thinking. he lifts his head from the table and stares expressionlessly at luhan. luhan gapes. “don’t fucking tell me you haven’t got laid since you broke up with baekhyun last year.”
sehun emits a very uncharacteristic sob. “I AM SO MISERABLE,” he screams. a customer on one table shouts back, “i know, i heard you. i can see it in your face, too.”
both luhan and jongin cackle, and sehun looks like he’s about to cry.
“we’ll find you a date, pal,” jongin pats sehun’s shoulder after his laughter dies down, “before valentine’s. we promise.”
“how,” sehun wails.
it is then when sehun sees the glint in luhan and jongin’s eyes. “somehow,” they chorus, and they both erupt to a fit of giggles.
sehun is not even sure if he wants to know anything about that.
+++
jongin and luhan, being the good friends they are, offer to at least walk him home or buy him a takeout for dinner. sehun asks for both.
sehun is sure that he had bid them goodbye before entering his own apartment and taking a half-an-hour bubble bath, so he doesn’t expect them to be lounging around in his living room with his laptop open, and his wallet in luhan’s hands. “what the fuck,” sehun mutters, water still dripping from the strands of his hair and towel still clinging onto his waist.
“dude,” jongin says, literally unshaken at his friend’s half-naked appearance, “we just found this amazing website full of hot dudes.”
sehun takes a quick trip to his bedroom to fetch a tshirt and pants. “and?”
“and we thought you’d qualify so-”
“qualify what?” sehun makes his way to his couch, dropping himself beside a timid jongin. the latter has his large palms covering the entirety of his laptop screen, so sehun tries his best to pry jongin’s death grip off his macbook.
luhan shakes his head, frustrated. “okay, now we all know that jongin is the worst person in terms of explaining things so here i am taking over and doing damage control like i usually do-”
at that, jongin closes his eyes screams, “WE SIGNED YOU UP FOR A DATING SITE USING YOUR CREDIT CARD IT WAS ALL LUHAN’S IDEA HE WAS SO BUMMED TO BE THE REASON TO YOUR PATHETIC BEING SO-OKAY WELL NOT ENTIRELY I ALSO TOOK PART IN DETERMINING YOUR PREFERENCES AND STUFF LIKE THAT OKAY YOU LIKE BLONDES, RIGHT? EVEN THOUGH BAEKHYUN WASN’T BLONDE I VAGUELY REMEMBER YOU SAYING THAT DURING SUMMER CAMP THREE YEARS AGO AND SO I PUT THAT AS YOUR CRITERIA IS THAT OKA-”
“YOU DID WHAT.”
+++
a few cans of beer later, sehun is still staring at his laptop screen.
he still can’t get over the website name, or how his two friends managed to find it. who the fuck names a dating site findyourwood.com without it sounding like a friendly adopt-a-tree-to-save-the-world! kind of website?
“findyourwood,” sehun deadpans, “are you fucking kidding me?”
luhan throws an empty beer can to sehun’s head. “you should at least be a bit honored-not everyone can get into this site, you know.”
“huh,” sehun muses, “what’s the criteria?”
it’s luhan’s turn to deadpan. “c’mon, even jongin, the slowest and dumbest kid i know instantly got it only from the tagline.”
“hey,” jongin hiccups, attempting to hurl a can to luhan but misses considerably. jongin has a low alcohol tolerance. sehun still doesn’t understand how kyungsoo can put up with this.
sehun examines the site further. the title, findyourwood is written in green and brown letters, once again making sehun think that this is actually an environmental site. below it is written:
welcome to findyourwood.com, a selection of the finest men with the finest, impressive woods. find yours now!
a scrunch of eyebrows. it doesn’t even makes sense, sehun thinks. findyourwood. men. wood. morning wo-oh.
sehun glances meaningfully at his crotch. “i’m glad we made the cut, junior.”
luhan looks like he’s about to throw himself off a building.
he excuses himself ten minutes later, dragging a very drunk jongin-who looks like he’s about to pass out after attempting to serenade sehun’s refrigerator-out of sehun’s apartment, not forgetting a “don’t you dare delete your account, oh sehun, we did this for you, at least just try it out”, before finally closing the door.
sehun heaves out a loud sigh before trotting back to his spot on the sofa. he clicks on his “profile” tab, and he chokes.
the first thing he sees is his profile picture-a candid shot of him years ago, mouthing the letter “f” too eagerly that he looks like a constipated chipmunk. jongin was the one who took this picture of him, and took pride of himself for it for the longest time. “oh my god, fuck you, jongin,” sehun splutters into a mess of curses as he immediately changes it with his latest best selfie.
he’s somehow suspicious of his friends’ choice of username: ohhhsehun. it sounds too…normal. “maybe the username ohsehun with one ‘h’ is taken?” he tries to convince himself, his fingers dancing on the trackpad as he scrolls down the page. no more tricks, no more pranks, no more-
no.
sehun screams into his pillow in order to muffle his voice as he reads his bio.
‘my surname is actually “oh” with one ‘h’. the other two ‘h’s? i earned it ;)’
sehun has made it his goal in life to kick luhan and jongin in the butt next time he meets them.
(he didn’t bother changing his bio, though. he thought it was clever.)
+++
only after a few hours of browsing later does sehun realize that joining this dating site is actually not a bad idea.
the guys on this site are hot, that’s for sure. sehun has found himself stopping by a few profiles and scrolling through various photo albums only to find hot, hot, and more hot.
some people, it turns out, have stopped by sehun’s profile as well. another thing he likes about findyourwood.com is this one feature which enables him to monitor real-time on who is viewing his profile page. users can also leave a “wink” on each other’s profile if they want to, and getting a “wink” back may indicate that the feeling is mutual.
so, not getting a “wink” back…is basically being rejected.
while surfing through the the mass of people in the site, sehun has left “winks” here and there for fun. he’s not quite sure how to feel about the whole having-a-guy-from-the-internet-as-a-real-date thing, so whenever he gets a “wink” back, he doesn’t initiate or reply to the chats that follow.
it’s just nice for sehun to see that there are people who’s genuinely interested in him, even though they haven’t met in person.
(in the past hour, sehun has found one span of time where twenty-three people are viewing his profile page at the same time, while in fact luhan and jongin had just created his account a mere two hours prior. sehun can’t help but feel a bit smug.)
he finds that for every “wink” he’s given, he receives a “wink” back.
a part of sehun feels bad for ignoring the chats of “hello :)”, or “hi, thanks for the wink!”, but then again, he thinks to himself, he’s not really into online dating.
i’m just doing this to appreciate luhan and jongin’s efforts, he reassures himself. as long as there’s no harm done, i’m going to continue doing this for fun.
the online traffic dwindles after 11pm, and sehun feels bored of seeing the word “0 users is viewing your profile”, so sehun busies himself with the essay mr. minseok has delegated to him this morning.
he initially wanted to text jongin to ask for help, but then he remembers the latter’s condition when luhan dragged his ass out his apartment a few hours ago. “maybe i should drop by with some aspirin tomorrow morning,” sehun says to himself, chewing the end of his pencil idly before continuing to write.
a ding resonates through the silence of his apartment a few moments later, and sehun looks up from his paper to see a popup:
user tttaozi is viewing your profile.
sehun smiles. he puts his pencil down and pushes his papers aside. he quickly scans through the tab he left open, clicking on the username of the stranger.
and what he sees next left him in utter awe. “holy shit.”
the first thing he notices about the user tttaozi is his smoky eyes. sehun can’t quite put a finger on it, but his eyes are…mesmerizing.
on the profile picture, tttaozi is well-dressed up with a black suit, white shirt, and a black tie to match. he’s sitting down, arms propped on a table, him looking straight to the camera while lifting the thumb of his right hand. a string of white-beaded bracelet peeks curiously from the hem of his sleeve, as well as the little ring sehun fails to spot before, circling the man’s index finger. sehun wonders if the ring is just an accessory or if it means anything more than that.
sehun can never deny the fact that the man has really handsome features. delicate, but sharp at the edges. the way the feline, kohl-rimmed eyes entice him, as if daring him to look away (sehun tries, and he can’t). and the way the edges of his lips curl up to form a cat-like smile, ugh, sehun is smitten.
oh, and he’s blonde. jongin’s right. sehun loves blondes.
sehun is so smitten that he doesn’t waste any more seconds to leave a hearty “wink” to tttaozi’s profile page, with a stupid, lovesick smile plastered on his face.
he fumbles with his phone and snaps a photo of tttaozi’s profile picture, smiles, and sends it to his, luhan’s, and jongin’s group chat.
sehun sent a photo
sehun: please keep in mind that i hate all of u ok thIS IS THE ONLY THING THAT’LL SAVE YOUR SORRY ASSES FROM GETTING ROUNDHOUSE KICKED
sehun puts down his phone, and goes back to skimming through tttaozi’s profile page. he lets out a low whistle as he finds out that tttaozi has gathered 13,687 “winks”. “the consequences of putting a profile picture that hot,” sehun chuckles to himself.
then he blinks. he’s chuckling to himself.
sehun sure is smitten.
he promises himself that he’s going to initiate a conversation once he gets a “wink” back in record time. he plans his greeting meticulously (“is it just going to be a casual “hello”? nah, too plain. i should leave an impression, since a guy like him surely receives tons of chats per day. or should it be a-”), his whole body trembling in excitement that he needs to pace around the whole perimeter of his living room. sehun hasn’t been in the dating game for so long that he feels anxious about it.
“fuck, okay, this is ridiculous,” he says finally, flopping down the sofa again. “tttaozi is just a man online, sehun, what the fuck are you panicking about?”
so he takes a deep breath, smiling, and he waits for the “wink”.
and waits.
and waits.
and waits.
it takes sehun a solid six minutes to grasp the fact that he’s not getting a “wink” back.
the smile falls from his face as he quickly hovers to his own profile page and refreshes it.
0 users is viewing your profile.
at that, sehun screams. “OH MY GOD DID HE JUST FUCKING REJECT ME?”
no one has rejected sehun’s 43 other “winks” tonight. no one.
enraged, sehun scrolls through tttaozi’s profile page once again to find his email address.
sehun is angry, and he’s sure as hell will let tttaozi acknowledge it. he opts to do it via email instead of the site-provided chatting system because emails sound more…official and angry. whatever, sehun thinks. sehun is angry, so email is the way to go.
his keyboard clacks with every letter he types, as he tries his best to type up the most angry-sounding email he could muster.
to: hzt_ao@yahoo.com
from: theawesomesehuna@gmail.com
subject: OI
EXCUSE ME HELLO I’M OH SEHUN?? OHHHSEHUN FROM FINDYOURWOODS.COM, THE PROFILE U CLICKED ON 11:34PM, IN CASE U DON’T REMEMBER??
I’M JUST HERE TO SAY THAT I’M PRETTY SURE I LEFT A “WINK” ON YOUR PROFILE, AND I MADE SURE OF IT ABOUT A GAZILLION TIMES BEFORE WRITING U THIS EMAIL AND CLICKED THE WINK BUTTON REPEATEDLY TO MAKE SURE U GOT IT AND U DO OK IM SURE AS HELL U DO.
SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU REJECT ME BY NOT LEAVING A “WINK” BACK?????
MY PRIDE IS SO WOUNDED RN AND UR THE ONE TO BLAME
I HOPE U HAVE A BAD NIGHT AND A BAD DREAM OK
SINCERELY PISSED,
OH SEHUN
satisfied, he hits the send button.
“i can’t believe i almost fell in love with an asshole,” sehun groans, turning off his laptop and walks to his bedroom. all sehun wants to do is to sleep his exasperation away.
mr. minseok’s essay can wait, sehun thinks to himself as he throws his blanket over his head. he thinks of blonde hair, feline eyes, and a cheeky smirk, and fuck tttaozi is his last thought that night before drifting off to a dreamless sleep.
+++
“sooooo,” luhan sing-songs the very next day, as soon as sehun sits down on a stool, “how did it go?”
much to luhan and jongin’s surprise, sehun’s groan of despair has grown significantly more frustrated than the day before. the man in question flops facedown on the wooden table and whines. “don’t aaaaaaaask.”
“hey, i woke up to a photo of a dashingly handsome man you took from your laptop screen, i demand a thorough explanation,” jongin nudges his ribs with his elbow.
sehun rubs it, agitated. “shouldn’t you be in a hangover right now?”
“drunk state doesn’t last a lifetime, though?” jongin puffs his chest proudly. “i’m kim jongin and i have successfully overcome my hangover.”
“cough-hethrewupbesidealamppostonthewayhomelastnight-cough,” luhan fakes a cough. jongin blatantly ignores him.
sehun ignores them both. “tttaozi is an asshole.”
“but he’s hot,” jongin chirps.
“a hot asshole,” luhan concludes.
sehun flips them the finger. “he’s basically an asshole. a rude one at that.”
“and what makes you say that?” jongin asks. sehun says nothing else, pulling his phone from his jeans pocket and shows them the rage-filled email he sent to tttaozi instead.
undoubtedly, his two best friends break into cackles, with luhan effectively needing to set the cup he’s wiping down to clutch on his stomach, and jongin needs to excuse himself to the restroom from laughing too much.
“you’re actually this pissed just because he didn’t leave you a “wink”?” luhan manages to say between his laughter, oblivious to the angry twitch of sehun’s eyebrows., “man, this tttaozi guy really fucked you up, huh?”
sehun’s frown goes ten degrees deeper. “well he’s hot, i have to admit. i was so sm-” he almost says smitten out loud, and knowing luhan, he won’t let him get away with it, so he doesn’t, “-let’s just say i was so attracted to him that he’s the only fucking person i wanted to talk to. i ignored like, what, thirty other chats because they’re not as hot? and waited for this guy to “wink” back at me but he didn’t. how am i supposed to be okay with that?”
“well you could just start the conversation without waiting for him to “wink” back though…?” suddenly yixing, luhan’s coworker, pipes up. “sorry, didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but really.”
sehun shrinks back to his chair in realization. but he’s not in the mood to accept what people throw at him so he finds it in himself to retaliate quickly. “w-well i…didn’t want to contact him knowing that the feeling is not mutual…i didn’t want to disturb him or anything-”
two pairs of eyes deadpan to his sole direction. “but you emailed-”
“SHUT UP, YIXING, YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING.”
“OKAY, okay, geez,” yixing gives up, throwing his hands to the air in mock surrender as he retreats back into the pantry.
luhan shakes his head at the whole exchange. “go home, sehun, you’re a fucking trainwreck. okay, look-i’m sorry for dragging you into this whole dating site thing, jongin and i were sure that it’ll do good for you but then-”
his expression looks sincerely apologetic that sehun feels bad. “hey, no need. this is all my fault. yixing’s right. i’m an idiot-i’ve ruined my chance to score a hot date.”
“no you haven’t. just hope that he finds your email amusing, like us,” luhan smirks, nodding his head towards jongin, who’s just stepped out of the restroom, “and finds it in his heart to reply you. kindly.”
sehun sulks. “or let’s just hope that he’s really an ignorant fucker who doesn’t check his mailbox?”
+++
turns out, user tttaozi is not an ignorant fucker who doesn’t check his mailbox.
because, much to sehun’s shock, he does get a reply sitting on his email inbox when he gets home that night.
wrapping himself with his blanket, panic runs through his entire body as he clicks on the new mail, preparing himself for the worse.
to: theawesomesehuna@gmail.com
from: hzt_ao@yahoo.com
subject: re: OI
(((( ;°Д°))))
i was so surprised to find this email on my mailbox this morning omg
ok so first of all hi oh sehun, im huang zitao and im pretty sure i rmb u so well bc of the 37 winks u left on my profile (*＾∀ﾟ)ъ
and abt the not-leaving-u-a-wink thing? why r u so upset?? ; u ;
i think it’s…normal not to leave one if im not ///that/// attracted to u?
(u seem a bit obnoxious and umm, cocky (??) in ur bio and im not really into that kind of guy ; u ;)
oh and next time, ease up on the caps ok u scared me （・□・；）
sincerely…scared?
huang zitao
sehun blinks. thirty seven “winks” ?
he lets out an exasperated wail.
fuck, i should’ve read the faq first before rapidly clicking the wink button. sehun wants to cry.
he musters himself to crawl out of his “blanket fort of embarrassment” to reread the email again, and his eyes widen in shock.
obnoxious? cocky?
sehun’s eyebrows twitch in fury. oh, this huang zitao person really crossed the line this time.
his fingers dance in record-breaking speed as types up a reply.
to: hzt_ao@yahoo.com
from: theawesomesehuna@gmail.com
subject: re: re: OI
okay i should’ve read the faq post before sending u winks i almost felt guilty but excUSE ME-COCKY? OBNOXIOUS??
HOW DARE YOU
DUDE I DON’T EVEN WRITE MY OWN BIO OKAY MY FRIENDS SIGNED ME UP FOR THIS
AND YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME
WHY ARE WE USING EMAILS TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYWAY
CAN’T WE CHAT OR SMTH????
AND WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU USING YAHOO
NOBODY USES YAHOO ANYMORE OKAY OH MY GOD THIS IS UGLY
YOU’RE UGLY
SKDJFNASKLFNKLASFKLSKDNAKL I’M SO PISSED RN YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW
SINCERELY (STILL) PISSED,
OH SEHUN
it doesn’t take three minutes for sehun to have another reply.
to: theawesomesehuna@gmail.com
from: hzt_ao@yahoo.com
subject: re: re: re: OI
what did i tell u abt ur use of capslockkkk (┛>Д<)┛彡┻━┻
it makes u sound so cranky all the time ; u ;
o um ok sorry if ur upset abt that;;
im just saying that it’s the impression u give off bc of ur bio, and if im wrong, let’s just get to know each other better then ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ
p.s.: ur not in the place to comment abt my choice of email client when ur email address is as silly as “theawesomesehuna” (｡･ˇ_ˇ･｡)
p.s.2: the only reason y we r talking abt this via email is bc u emailed me first ok u got urself to blame tbh ^^
oh and
p.s.3: im ugly? ugly enough for u to leave 37 winks on my profile?（￣∀￣）
sincerely intrigued :3,
huang zitao
sehun facepalms at his own stupidity. he thinks being friends with jongin and luhan for so long makes their dumbness rub off on him.
to: hzt_ao@yahoo.com
from: theawesomesehuna@gmail.com
subject: re: re: re: re: OI
….just…add me on LINE okay it’s also theawesomesehuna.
sehun wonders what the fuck he was on when he created his ID.
suddenly, his phone vibrates.
zitao: hiiii (* ﾟ∀ﾟ)ﾉｼ
sehun: you sure use a lot of girly emojis for a fierce-looking guy
zitao: hey!! looks can be deceiving ok im actually a softie ; u ;
zitao: and u urself use little to no emojis for such a cute guy ( ^ω^)
sehun regrets reading that message while he’s gulping down his chocolate milk.
he thinks that if this zitao guy can see how that simple sentence has made him burst out choking, and turned his face into various shades of red in a matter of seconds just now, he’d never live it down.
sehun: oh mY GOD
zitao: aw u dun like me smooth-talking? ppl say im great at it (´･_･`)
“YOU ARE,” sehun screams to his empty apartment, “YOU ARE, ASSHAT.”
but his pride won’t let him give in to zitao. no. not in a million years. so instead, he replies:
sehun: no you suck
zitao: no im huang zitao (≧∀≦)
sehun: OH MY GOD PLEASE GO AWAY
sehun emits a very frustrated groan. this is going to be a long, long night.
+++
zitao: soooo, what do u take in uni? σ(≧ε≦ｏ)
sehun: psychology.
zitao: ah whaaat (･д･;) no fun!!!
sehun: how can uni be fun tbh
zitao: y r u so grumpyyy ; n ; anyways, mine is! ( > w < )
sehun: good for you
zitao: …aren’t u at least going to ask (･д･;;)
sehun: fine. what do you take in uni.
zitao: digital photography!! my everyday life is basically involves going around shooting beautiful things lol
digital photography? who would’ve thought, sehun muses. he suddenly remembers his psychology essay, long forgotten. he feels so pathetic and boring.
sehun: oh wow that’s actually kinda awesome tho
zitao: ikrrr (u v u) how abt u and i hang out sometimes! i’ll take u to my favorite photo-hunting spots in town o(≧∇≦o)
sehun splutters. oh god, here it is. a complete stranger he’s met on a dating site ask him out for a date.
sehun: you could be a crazy mass murderer on the loose and i don’t even know
zitao: a super super hot one that made u leave 37 winks on his profile page? maybe ;)
sehun: you’ll never going to let me live that down, won’t you
zitao: ( ് 3 ് ) ♥
zitao: ur right abt the crazy part tho
zitao: crazy for u (♥≧▽≦)ﾉｼ))
sehun: I AM SERIOUSLY GOING TO KICK YOU WHEN I MEET YOU
zitao: soooo i’ll take that as a yes?（⌒▽⌒）
sehun: ……..
sehun: dammit fine
sehun: friday next week at 5.
zitao: YAAAAAAYYY
zitao: R U SRS OMGGGGG i cant wait to finally meet u!!!
zitao: o(≧∇≦o)
zitao: o(*>ω<*)o
zitao: ヾ(@°▽°@)ノ
zitao: (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
sehun laughs out loud, shaking his head at the spam of emojis. it’s adorable, zitao’s adorable, and he really hates to admit it.
sehun: you should really cut back on the emojis tho
zitao: whaaat, it’s cute!!! emojis r a way to be honest ok it expresses my tru feelings ( ‘ 3 ‘)
sehun: i can express my feelings just fine without them
zitao: oh really? let me guess. ur now…as expressionless as a brick (e_e)
sehun: no i’m not
zitao: well that’s the vibe im getting from u rn (；△；)
sehun: you’re just not good at reading emotions, that’s all
zitao: ruuuude ( ; w ; )
zitao: well if u say otherwise, send me a picture then!!!!
sehun: no!
zitao: why noooootttt :(
sehun: why should i
zitao: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
zitao: (´；д；`)
zitao: (´；д；`)
zitao: im gonna spam u with crying emoticons until u send me a pic
zitao: (´；д；`)
zitao: (´；д；`)
zitao: (´；д；`)
sehun frowns at his screen screen. closing the messenger, he opens up his phone camera to check on himself. well he does look pretty good right now-if not all the time, he snorts-and he may have styled his hair up a bit this morning since he hates how messy it was due to his lack of sleep. it might be nice to snap a photo or two.
setting the timer, he puts a little smile on his lips just before the shutter goes off. he quickly opens his gallery. it turned out pretty adorable, he might say. okay no well it turned out really handsome. sehun’s not blind.
his phone vibrates rapidly during the whole thing, his notifications flooded with zitao sending him sad stickers. he goes back to his chat with zitao, and types.
sehun: okay okay FINE shut up already
he sends the photo and waits. he can practically hear his own heartbeat in his ears, and he doesn’t think that he can wait another second without freaking out so he storms out to the kitchen to fetch himself some water.
when he goes back, the messenger pops up.
zitao: holy shit
sehun smirks.
zitao: what the hell dude
zitao: fkjsdjfjds;f’ajalf;sfa]
laughing, sehun replies.
sehun: where are your emojis now?
zitao: there’s absolutely nO EMOJI THAT CAN DESCRIBE MY FEELINGS RN OKAY
zitao: jsdnkkadknjwejkwlJKNIADIOSKLA
zitao: the only thing i can say is that you should smile more often!!!!!
zitao: it looks so good on u
zitao: i mean it
zitao: (♥ w ♥)
sehun blushes a very furious shade of red that even a lobster is put to shame. how can a man who he hasn’t even met yet make him so flustered and tongue-tied? “you’re so fucking screwed, oh,” he says as he facepalms.
sehun: thank you, i guess
zitao: no, thank YOU :3
zitao: i really cant wait for our date ok (♥≧▽≦)
zitao: ur rly pretty and i dont say this to just anyone
zitao: so consider urself special (♥ω♥ ) ~♪
he literally throws his phone from his hands and screams into his pillow like a giddy, lovesick schoolgirl.
how the hell is sehun supposed to stay mad at zitao for so long when he’s so damn smitten.
he goes to bed that night with a stupid smile plastered permanently on his face. he was just going to close his eyes when his phone suddenly dings.
“who the hell,” sehun mutters, and gapes.
it’s a picture of zitao, all comfy and snug on his bed, his eyes forming crescents as he smiles. there’s still that goddamned kitty curl on the edge of his lips that sehun is crazy for, and as if all of it is not yet cute enough, zitao there is hugging a medium-sized panda plushie.
a panda plushie.
sehun feels like he could fart kittens right now after being faced with such amount of cute.
zitao: good night! sleep tight, sehunnie, i hope u dream of me ( ് 3 ് ) ♥
sehunnie
.
well, that growing smile on his face not going to go anywhere tonight.
+++
time goes by so fast when you’re happy, or at least that’s what sehun thinks he feels. he gets gradually less grumpy by the end of the week, and smiles a lot too.
well, maybe a bit too much because some of his classmates reported seeing him smile at his phone at some point that they were entirely weirded out.
it doesn’t differ as much with luhan and jongin, on tuesday evening, who are getting increasingly annoyed by the faces sehun is making.
“i almost prefer the somber sehun than this,” jongin deadpans, throwing his chewed pencil at him, “who are you and what have you done to my best friend!?”
“again, i thought i am your best friend,” luhan pipes in. jongin throws him a death glare.
“please settle this once and for all so luhan and i won’t fight anymore-who’s your best friend?”
sehun snaps. “would you guys shut up?”
it would’ve sounded threatening if it was not paired with a stupid, huge-ass grin.
“oh my god would you put that fucking smile away? everyone was creeped out by your sudden change last week, you know?” luhan knocks him on the head with a ruler. “and can you please put that phone down? i’m kinda in the middle of tutoring you guys here.”
sehun proceeds to put on his best kicked puppy expression. “but zitao is sending me pics of him with his dog.” the frown is literally audible in his voice that sehun immediately receives a kick from luhan under the table. fuck, never underestimate the kick of a fucking soccer player next time.
“whoa, whoa, hold up, a dog? you never get along with a dog person,” jongin states, confused. but he quickly adds, “but i’m an exception, of course.”
sehun snorts. “it’s only a miracle that i’m able to get along with you.” jongin elbows him in the ribs.
but jongin gets him thinking. it’s a well-known fact that sehun is really not a dog person.
one time in fifth grade, jongin’s dog monggu dry-humped him on the leg. that was more than enough of a reason to leave him preferring cats so much more than dogs. it is also the reason why their study sessions were always held in luhan’s house (dog-free), although luhan himself is two years older. he unceremoniously became their tutor from then on.
“it’s funny to see you change so much like this just because of one guy,” luhan says, amused, “but now you really need to put down that phone because we’ve been stuck at this question for an hour. i ditched my shift today for this, you know.”
both jongin and sehun blatantly ignore him.
“so, found any mr. right material in this zitao guy?” jongin prompts, earning a glare from luhan as the former pushes his textbook aside. “or is he already your mr. right now?” he cackles at his own joke, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively.
that gets sehun flustered. he tries to explain the situation but what comes out instead is a weak “no…” that gets both of his friends laughing.
“i can literally see hearts jumping out from your eyes, holy shit,” jongin says, face scrunching in fake disgust. “one of you should go and make a move or something. i don’t think i can handle another day with you being all goofy frowns-i know the expression you make when you see something cute, sehun, you fucking frown out of all other expressions you can do-and random outbursts of coos.”
sehun mentally facepalms. falling in stupid love makes him a walking embarrassment.
“well,” sehun clears his throat, blush creeping up his face, “we kinda…agreed to meet up friday afternoon?”
“WHAT THE FUCK,” jongin screams, jumping up from his seat like a giddy toddler getting a candy.
he feels jongin’s palms suddenly cupping his cheeks, jerking his face towards him. “my son,” jongin dramatically wipes a fake tear, “is finally back in the dating game. goodbye, oh, asshole byun baekhyun, your fucking two-timing ass hath now been long-forgotten.”
sehun thoroughly enjoys slapping jongin square on the back of his head.
“uh, hello, tutor here?” luhan pipes up from the side, frowning as sehun now has jongin in a headlock. give them five more seconds and luhan’s room would be a witness of a freaking wrestle match.
“i swear to god,” luhan gripes from the side, “i’m letting you all fail your quiz tomorrow.”
“that’s okay,” jongin says, struggling to get out from sehun’s death grip, “sehun will finally get the “d” he really needs.”
“YOU DID NOT JUST FUCKING SAY THAT.”
luhan sighs as he watches jongin flopping helplessly on the floor with sehun mercilessly choking the soul out of him.
he really should’ve stayed at the cafe today.
part two →
rating: PG-13
pairing: sehun/tao
genre: fluff, humor, onlinedating!au
length: 13,211
warnings: lapslock, tsundere!sehun (in early parts)
summary: sehun joins a dating site and finds out that he gets rejected by the only guy he wants to chat with.
a/n: originally written for bottomsehun. again, thanks to baixiange who's always there for brainstorming purposes!
sehun knows. from the moment he woke up this morning, facedown on his study table, he knew that today is going to be a bad day.
and boy, was he right.
he got himself a nice half-an-hour scolding from his lecturer due to him being late on submitting his assignment-it’s not like it’s my fault that i fell asleep doing it, he mentally assured himself in the midst of it, blame him for giving us a boring-ass project. the whole ordeal took up his whole lunchtime, and sehun just happened to not fix himself some breakfast this morning.
amazing.
and, as if it’s not enough of a torture already, the lecturer gave him an additional three-thousand word essay to work on. in hand-written format.
fuck psychology, sehun mutters now as he pushes the glass door, making the little bell hung above it clink merrily that sehun wants to jump up and yank it off. a strong whiff of caffeine hits sehun’s nose as he steps inside the small coffee shop-a place he knows all too well, he hunches his backpack up and makes his way safely to one of the empty tall stools by the bar to sit beside jongin.
that is, not before he trips over his own shoelaces on his last step, making him cringe awkwardly as the legs of the stool grits audibly on the wooden floor.
making a garbled noise that sounds like a mixture of fuck my life and sorry, he climbs up the stool and yanks his old, beaten backpack off his shoulders and starts pulling out his binder with a string of curses.
jongin smirks, patting him comfortingly on the back. “bad day?” sehun only grunts as a response.
“jongin, here’s your cof-oh great, sehun, you’re here!” suddenly another voice comes into sehun’s senses as he lifts his head up and sees luhan serving a cup of coffee. “coffee?” the latter inquires. sehun nods. “and a cheesecake. old minseok made me skip lunch.”
luhan’s eyes crinkle as he hears the name of their least favorite lecturer. kim minseok is well-known to be the most ruthless teacher in the psychology wing, and truth be told, rumors say that nothing good happens after being stuck with him outside of classes. “you got into trouble with him? you better watch for yourself for at least a whole week, then,” luhan winks, and chuckles when sehun lets out yet another groan of despair, “anyways, cheesecake coming right up.”
sehun waits for a solid two minutes, unable to start doing his essay with an empty stomach, so he opts for scribbling profanities and drawing cartoon penises on jongin’s textbook and grins when jongin flips him the finger.
luhan walks out from the pantry a few seconds later with a freshly-brewed americano and a plate of cheesecake. sehun immediately gobbles it down as the plate reaches table. jongin eyes him oddly. “gross.”
“says the man who did the same with the two family-buckets of fried chicken we ordered three days ago,” sehun replies calmly.
jongin takes great pleasure in smacking his best friend across the back of the head.
“okay so i’m just going to be here and wait for you guys to finish bickering,” luhan says, taking a cup from a stack of dishes to wipe. sehun doesn’t even realize that his other best friend is still there.
“what do you want,” sehun says, rhetorically. luhan beams. “I GOT SOME NEWS.”
jongin snorts. “if this has something to do with you listening to your neighbor banging his boyfriend to oblivion that you started to have vivid imaginations on what both of them looked like, i’d rather get back to my homework.” sehun laughs and offers him a high five. jongin gladly returns it. “besides,” he continues, “what is up with you nosing around chanyeol’s sex life all the time?”
luhan throws his wiping cloth to jongin’s face, frowning. “shut up. it’s not my fault that he’s hot. anyways that’s not the point?”
sehun lifts his cup of coffee, bringing it closer to his lips. “so what is it, then?”
at the next moment, sehun immediately regrets asking.
“yours truly here,” luhan points to himself smugly, “snatched himself a date for valentine’s day.”
it takes a solid three seconds for his two friends to react. sehun chokes on his coffee, and jongin literally snaps. “YOU GOT A DATE?”
sehun cannot believe luhan’s already smug face can turn even smugger that he needs to fight back the urge to slap the latter’s face with his impossibly thick binder.
“who’s the unlucky guy?” sehun asks finally, staring at luhan who’s still standing with an animated glee on his face and with his two arms wide open. his smile drops immediately. “has it every crossed your two goddamned minds to congratulate me on this?” but a split second later, his expression turns dreamy as he sing-songs, “he’s tall.”
“oh, here we go,” jongin groans.
“he’s tall, he plays basketball, he’s chinese-canadian, he’s 21 and he’s currently a transfer student in yonsei,” luhan finishes, and his lips suddenly purses into a pout. “damn it, a transfer student. how dare he be so perfect but only temporary.”
sehun throws his pencil at him.
“damn”, jongin whistles, “based on your description, you got yourself a good catch.”
“oh, i’m sure as hell i did,” luhan whips out his phone and scrolls through his gallery. he clicks on a photo and shows it to the both of them. “his name is yifan, but i call him mine.”
sehun lets out a very frustrated wail as he reaches again to his cup of coffee and sip on it.
jongin laughs at him, and frustration starts to bubble in his veins. “can’t you be at least a bit annoyed that he’s super happy right now while your best friend slash classmate here is having the worst day of his life?”
“i thought i am your best friend?” luhan asks cheekily, and ducks just in time to dodge a flying eraser. “shut up, luhan,” sehun gripes.
“luhan-hyung,” the former corrects, and runs away laughing before sehun hurls his whole pencil case.
jongin snorts at the whole ordeal and shakes his head. “oh, stop being bitter like your coffee.”
sehun stares at his americano. great, he thinks, even my coffee is fucking relatable.
sehun admits that he’s a sucker for valentine’s day-he’s the kind of person who makes a week-long preparation of cute little surprises. he enjoys the love-is-in-the-air atmosphere as every february starts, and usually proceeds to list down possible gifts he’ll buy his boyfriend later.
that is, if he’s got one.
he’d spent his valentine’s day alone last year after a bad breakup with his ex two days beforehand. well, not exactly alone. luhan had singlehandedly dubbed themselves as the “hot single college students barhopping for a drop of love” that night, and both sehun and jongin might’ve been a little too drunk to argue with him about how stupid the name sounded.
he also admits that he was bitter when jongin got himself a boyfriend last june-a tiny handsome journalism major named do kyungsoo (he reminds sehun of the sea, calm but sometimes (extremely, don’t tell kyungsoo) violent, and sehun doesn’t understand how he can put up with jongin’s antics all this time)-but then he gradually became happy for his best friend after assuring that kyungsoo can make the boy happy.
he also admits that he’s been bitter in the past few days, dodging every couple in the campus hallway as if they’re a disease to avoid. he has also bailed his way out of any conversations containing the word “dates” and “chocolates”, and has made sure to kick every rose bush he finds along the way to his apartment every time he walks home from campus.
now that luhan, his only single friend left, got himself a hot date, he feels really left out and miserable.
“i’m miserable,” he finally voices out, burying his face on the table, “i hate you all for not being single.”
luhan pats his head awkwardly, only to find his hand being swatted away in annoyance a second later. sehun swears he hears luhan mumble cranky ass but he’s too busy being miserable to react.
“you should go get yourself a date, man,” jongin says, homework completely forgotten, “a date to save your ass from this tragic state you’re in.”
luhan hums in agreement. “when’s the last time you got laid?”
that got sehun thinking. he lifts his head from the table and stares expressionlessly at luhan. luhan gapes. “don’t fucking tell me you haven’t got laid since you broke up with baekhyun last year.”
sehun emits a very uncharacteristic sob. “I AM SO MISERABLE,” he screams. a customer on one table shouts back, “i know, i heard you. i can see it in your face, too.”
both luhan and jongin cackle, and sehun looks like he’s about to cry.
“we’ll find you a date, pal,” jongin pats sehun’s shoulder after his laughter dies down, “before valentine’s. we promise.”
“how,” sehun wails.
it is then when sehun sees the glint in luhan and jongin’s eyes. “somehow,” they chorus, and they both erupt to a fit of giggles.
sehun is not even sure if he wants to know anything about that.
+++
jongin and luhan, being the good friends they are, offer to at least walk him home or buy him a takeout for dinner. sehun asks for both.
sehun is sure that he had bid them goodbye before entering his own apartment and taking a half-an-hour bubble bath, so he doesn’t expect them to be lounging around in his living room with his laptop open, and his wallet in luhan’s hands. “what the fuck,” sehun mutters, water still dripping from the strands of his hair and towel still clinging onto his waist.
“dude,” jongin says, literally unshaken at his friend’s half-naked appearance, “we just found this amazing website full of hot dudes.”
sehun takes a quick trip to his bedroom to fetch a tshirt and pants. “and?”
“and we thought you’d qualify so-”
“qualify what?” sehun makes his way to his couch, dropping himself beside a timid jongin. the latter has his large palms covering the entirety of his laptop screen, so sehun tries his best to pry jongin’s death grip off his macbook.
luhan shakes his head, frustrated. “okay, now we all know that jongin is the worst person in terms of explaining things so here i am taking over and doing damage control like i usually do-”
at that, jongin closes his eyes screams, “WE SIGNED YOU UP FOR A DATING SITE USING YOUR CREDIT CARD IT WAS ALL LUHAN’S IDEA HE WAS SO BUMMED TO BE THE REASON TO YOUR PATHETIC BEING SO-OKAY WELL NOT ENTIRELY I ALSO TOOK PART IN DETERMINING YOUR PREFERENCES AND STUFF LIKE THAT OKAY YOU LIKE BLONDES, RIGHT? EVEN THOUGH BAEKHYUN WASN’T BLONDE I VAGUELY REMEMBER YOU SAYING THAT DURING SUMMER CAMP THREE YEARS AGO AND SO I PUT THAT AS YOUR CRITERIA IS THAT OKA-”
“YOU DID WHAT.”
+++
a few cans of beer later, sehun is still staring at his laptop screen.
he still can’t get over the website name, or how his two friends managed to find it. who the fuck names a dating site findyourwood.com without it sounding like a friendly adopt-a-tree-to-save-the-world! kind of website?
“findyourwood,” sehun deadpans, “are you fucking kidding me?”
luhan throws an empty beer can to sehun’s head. “you should at least be a bit honored-not everyone can get into this site, you know.”
“huh,” sehun muses, “what’s the criteria?”
it’s luhan’s turn to deadpan. “c’mon, even jongin, the slowest and dumbest kid i know instantly got it only from the tagline.”
“hey,” jongin hiccups, attempting to hurl a can to luhan but misses considerably. jongin has a low alcohol tolerance. sehun still doesn’t understand how kyungsoo can put up with this.
sehun examines the site further. the title, findyourwood is written in green and brown letters, once again making sehun think that this is actually an environmental site. below it is written:
welcome to findyourwood.com, a selection of the finest men with the finest, impressive woods. find yours now!
a scrunch of eyebrows. it doesn’t even makes sense, sehun thinks. findyourwood. men. wood. morning wo-oh.
sehun glances meaningfully at his crotch. “i’m glad we made the cut, junior.”
luhan looks like he’s about to throw himself off a building.
he excuses himself ten minutes later, dragging a very drunk jongin-who looks like he’s about to pass out after attempting to serenade sehun’s refrigerator-out of sehun’s apartment, not forgetting a “don’t you dare delete your account, oh sehun, we did this for you, at least just try it out”, before finally closing the door.
sehun heaves out a loud sigh before trotting back to his spot on the sofa. he clicks on his “profile” tab, and he chokes.
the first thing he sees is his profile picture-a candid shot of him years ago, mouthing the letter “f” too eagerly that he looks like a constipated chipmunk. jongin was the one who took this picture of him, and took pride of himself for it for the longest time. “oh my god, fuck you, jongin,” sehun splutters into a mess of curses as he immediately changes it with his latest best selfie.
he’s somehow suspicious of his friends’ choice of username: ohhhsehun. it sounds too…normal. “maybe the username ohsehun with one ‘h’ is taken?” he tries to convince himself, his fingers dancing on the trackpad as he scrolls down the page. no more tricks, no more pranks, no more-
no.
sehun screams into his pillow in order to muffle his voice as he reads his bio.
‘my surname is actually “oh” with one ‘h’. the other two ‘h’s? i earned it ;)’
sehun has made it his goal in life to kick luhan and jongin in the butt next time he meets them.
(he didn’t bother changing his bio, though. he thought it was clever.)
+++
only after a few hours of browsing later does sehun realize that joining this dating site is actually not a bad idea.
the guys on this site are hot, that’s for sure. sehun has found himself stopping by a few profiles and scrolling through various photo albums only to find hot, hot, and more hot.
some people, it turns out, have stopped by sehun’s profile as well. another thing he likes about findyourwood.com is this one feature which enables him to monitor real-time on who is viewing his profile page. users can also leave a “wink” on each other’s profile if they want to, and getting a “wink” back may indicate that the feeling is mutual.
so, not getting a “wink” back…is basically being rejected.
while surfing through the the mass of people in the site, sehun has left “winks” here and there for fun. he’s not quite sure how to feel about the whole having-a-guy-from-the-internet-as-a-real-date thing, so whenever he gets a “wink” back, he doesn’t initiate or reply to the chats that follow.
it’s just nice for sehun to see that there are people who’s genuinely interested in him, even though they haven’t met in person.
(in the past hour, sehun has found one span of time where twenty-three people are viewing his profile page at the same time, while in fact luhan and jongin had just created his account a mere two hours prior. sehun can’t help but feel a bit smug.)
he finds that for every “wink” he’s given, he receives a “wink” back.
a part of sehun feels bad for ignoring the chats of “hello :)”, or “hi, thanks for the wink!”, but then again, he thinks to himself, he’s not really into online dating.
i’m just doing this to appreciate luhan and jongin’s efforts, he reassures himself. as long as there’s no harm done, i’m going to continue doing this for fun.
the online traffic dwindles after 11pm, and sehun feels bored of seeing the word “0 users is viewing your profile”, so sehun busies himself with the essay mr. minseok has delegated to him this morning.
he initially wanted to text jongin to ask for help, but then he remembers the latter’s condition when luhan dragged his ass out his apartment a few hours ago. “maybe i should drop by with some aspirin tomorrow morning,” sehun says to himself, chewing the end of his pencil idly before continuing to write.
a ding resonates through the silence of his apartment a few moments later, and sehun looks up from his paper to see a popup:
user tttaozi is viewing your profile.
sehun smiles. he puts his pencil down and pushes his papers aside. he quickly scans through the tab he left open, clicking on the username of the stranger.
and what he sees next left him in utter awe. “holy shit.”
the first thing he notices about the user tttaozi is his smoky eyes. sehun can’t quite put a finger on it, but his eyes are…mesmerizing.
on the profile picture, tttaozi is well-dressed up with a black suit, white shirt, and a black tie to match. he’s sitting down, arms propped on a table, him looking straight to the camera while lifting the thumb of his right hand. a string of white-beaded bracelet peeks curiously from the hem of his sleeve, as well as the little ring sehun fails to spot before, circling the man’s index finger. sehun wonders if the ring is just an accessory or if it means anything more than that.
sehun can never deny the fact that the man has really handsome features. delicate, but sharp at the edges. the way the feline, kohl-rimmed eyes entice him, as if daring him to look away (sehun tries, and he can’t). and the way the edges of his lips curl up to form a cat-like smile, ugh, sehun is smitten.
oh, and he’s blonde. jongin’s right. sehun loves blondes.
sehun is so smitten that he doesn’t waste any more seconds to leave a hearty “wink” to tttaozi’s profile page, with a stupid, lovesick smile plastered on his face.
he fumbles with his phone and snaps a photo of tttaozi’s profile picture, smiles, and sends it to his, luhan’s, and jongin’s group chat.
sehun sent a photo
sehun: please keep in mind that i hate all of u ok thIS IS THE ONLY THING THAT’LL SAVE YOUR SORRY ASSES FROM GETTING ROUNDHOUSE KICKED
sehun puts down his phone, and goes back to skimming through tttaozi’s profile page. he lets out a low whistle as he finds out that tttaozi has gathered 13,687 “winks”. “the consequences of putting a profile picture that hot,” sehun chuckles to himself.
then he blinks. he’s chuckling to himself.
sehun sure is smitten.
he promises himself that he’s going to initiate a conversation once he gets a “wink” back in record time. he plans his greeting meticulously (“is it just going to be a casual “hello”? nah, too plain. i should leave an impression, since a guy like him surely receives tons of chats per day. or should it be a-”), his whole body trembling in excitement that he needs to pace around the whole perimeter of his living room. sehun hasn’t been in the dating game for so long that he feels anxious about it.
“fuck, okay, this is ridiculous,” he says finally, flopping down the sofa again. “tttaozi is just a man online, sehun, what the fuck are you panicking about?”
so he takes a deep breath, smiling, and he waits for the “wink”.
and waits.
and waits.
and waits.
it takes sehun a solid six minutes to grasp the fact that he’s not getting a “wink” back.
the smile falls from his face as he quickly hovers to his own profile page and refreshes it.
0 users is viewing your profile.
at that, sehun screams. “OH MY GOD DID HE JUST FUCKING REJECT ME?”
no one has rejected sehun’s 43 other “winks” tonight. no one.
enraged, sehun scrolls through tttaozi’s profile page once again to find his email address.
sehun is angry, and he’s sure as hell will let tttaozi acknowledge it. he opts to do it via email instead of the site-provided chatting system because emails sound more…official and angry. whatever, sehun thinks. sehun is angry, so email is the way to go.
his keyboard clacks with every letter he types, as he tries his best to type up the most angry-sounding email he could muster.
to: hzt_ao@yahoo.com
from: theawesomesehuna@gmail.com
subject: OI
EXCUSE ME HELLO I’M OH SEHUN?? OHHHSEHUN FROM FINDYOURWOODS.COM, THE PROFILE U CLICKED ON 11:34PM, IN CASE U DON’T REMEMBER??
I’M JUST HERE TO SAY THAT I’M PRETTY SURE I LEFT A “WINK” ON YOUR PROFILE, AND I MADE SURE OF IT ABOUT A GAZILLION TIMES BEFORE WRITING U THIS EMAIL AND CLICKED THE WINK BUTTON REPEATEDLY TO MAKE SURE U GOT IT AND U DO OK IM SURE AS HELL U DO.
SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU REJECT ME BY NOT LEAVING A “WINK” BACK?????
MY PRIDE IS SO WOUNDED RN AND UR THE ONE TO BLAME
I HOPE U HAVE A BAD NIGHT AND A BAD DREAM OK
SINCERELY PISSED,
OH SEHUN
satisfied, he hits the send button.
“i can’t believe i almost fell in love with an asshole,” sehun groans, turning off his laptop and walks to his bedroom. all sehun wants to do is to sleep his exasperation away.
mr. minseok’s essay can wait, sehun thinks to himself as he throws his blanket over his head. he thinks of blonde hair, feline eyes, and a cheeky smirk, and fuck tttaozi is his last thought that night before drifting off to a dreamless sleep.
+++
“sooooo,” luhan sing-songs the very next day, as soon as sehun sits down on a stool, “how did it go?”
much to luhan and jongin’s surprise, sehun’s groan of despair has grown significantly more frustrated than the day before. the man in question flops facedown on the wooden table and whines. “don’t aaaaaaaask.”
“hey, i woke up to a photo of a dashingly handsome man you took from your laptop screen, i demand a thorough explanation,” jongin nudges his ribs with his elbow.
sehun rubs it, agitated. “shouldn’t you be in a hangover right now?”
“drunk state doesn’t last a lifetime, though?” jongin puffs his chest proudly. “i’m kim jongin and i have successfully overcome my hangover.”
“cough-hethrewupbesidealamppostonthewayhomelastnight-cough,” luhan fakes a cough. jongin blatantly ignores him.
sehun ignores them both. “tttaozi is an asshole.”
“but he’s hot,” jongin chirps.
“a hot asshole,” luhan concludes.
sehun flips them the finger. “he’s basically an asshole. a rude one at that.”
“and what makes you say that?” jongin asks. sehun says nothing else, pulling his phone from his jeans pocket and shows them the rage-filled email he sent to tttaozi instead.
undoubtedly, his two best friends break into cackles, with luhan effectively needing to set the cup he’s wiping down to clutch on his stomach, and jongin needs to excuse himself to the restroom from laughing too much.
“you’re actually this pissed just because he didn’t leave you a “wink”?” luhan manages to say between his laughter, oblivious to the angry twitch of sehun’s eyebrows., “man, this tttaozi guy really fucked you up, huh?”
sehun’s frown goes ten degrees deeper. “well he’s hot, i have to admit. i was so sm-” he almost says smitten out loud, and knowing luhan, he won’t let him get away with it, so he doesn’t, “-let’s just say i was so attracted to him that he’s the only fucking person i wanted to talk to. i ignored like, what, thirty other chats because they’re not as hot? and waited for this guy to “wink” back at me but he didn’t. how am i supposed to be okay with that?”
“well you could just start the conversation without waiting for him to “wink” back though…?” suddenly yixing, luhan’s coworker, pipes up. “sorry, didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but really.”
sehun shrinks back to his chair in realization. but he’s not in the mood to accept what people throw at him so he finds it in himself to retaliate quickly. “w-well i…didn’t want to contact him knowing that the feeling is not mutual…i didn’t want to disturb him or anything-”
two pairs of eyes deadpan to his sole direction. “but you emailed-”
“SHUT UP, YIXING, YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING.”
“OKAY, okay, geez,” yixing gives up, throwing his hands to the air in mock surrender as he retreats back into the pantry.
luhan shakes his head at the whole exchange. “go home, sehun, you’re a fucking trainwreck. okay, look-i’m sorry for dragging you into this whole dating site thing, jongin and i were sure that it’ll do good for you but then-”
his expression looks sincerely apologetic that sehun feels bad. “hey, no need. this is all my fault. yixing’s right. i’m an idiot-i’ve ruined my chance to score a hot date.”
“no you haven’t. just hope that he finds your email amusing, like us,” luhan smirks, nodding his head towards jongin, who’s just stepped out of the restroom, “and finds it in his heart to reply you. kindly.”
sehun sulks. “or let’s just hope that he’s really an ignorant fucker who doesn’t check his mailbox?”
+++
turns out, user tttaozi is not an ignorant fucker who doesn’t check his mailbox.
because, much to sehun’s shock, he does get a reply sitting on his email inbox when he gets home that night.
wrapping himself with his blanket, panic runs through his entire body as he clicks on the new mail, preparing himself for the worse.
to: theawesomesehuna@gmail.com
from: hzt_ao@yahoo.com
subject: re: OI
(((( ;°Д°))))
i was so surprised to find this email on my mailbox this morning omg
ok so first of all hi oh sehun, im huang zitao and im pretty sure i rmb u so well bc of the 37 winks u left on my profile (*＾∀ﾟ)ъ
and abt the not-leaving-u-a-wink thing? why r u so upset?? ; u ;
i think it’s…normal not to leave one if im not ///that/// attracted to u?
(u seem a bit obnoxious and umm, cocky (??) in ur bio and im not really into that kind of guy ; u ;)
oh and next time, ease up on the caps ok u scared me （・□・；）
sincerely…scared?
huang zitao
sehun blinks. thirty seven “winks” ?
he lets out an exasperated wail.
fuck, i should’ve read the faq first before rapidly clicking the wink button. sehun wants to cry.
he musters himself to crawl out of his “blanket fort of embarrassment” to reread the email again, and his eyes widen in shock.
obnoxious? cocky?
sehun’s eyebrows twitch in fury. oh, this huang zitao person really crossed the line this time.
his fingers dance in record-breaking speed as types up a reply.
to: hzt_ao@yahoo.com
from: theawesomesehuna@gmail.com
subject: re: re: OI
okay i should’ve read the faq post before sending u winks i almost felt guilty but excUSE ME-COCKY? OBNOXIOUS??
HOW DARE YOU
DUDE I DON’T EVEN WRITE MY OWN BIO OKAY MY FRIENDS SIGNED ME UP FOR THIS
AND YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME
WHY ARE WE USING EMAILS TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYWAY
CAN’T WE CHAT OR SMTH????
AND WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU USING YAHOO
NOBODY USES YAHOO ANYMORE OKAY OH MY GOD THIS IS UGLY
YOU’RE UGLY
SKDJFNASKLFNKLASFKLSKDNAKL I’M SO PISSED RN YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW
SINCERELY (STILL) PISSED,
OH SEHUN
it doesn’t take three minutes for sehun to have another reply.
to: theawesomesehuna@gmail.com
from: hzt_ao@yahoo.com
subject: re: re: re: OI
what did i tell u abt ur use of capslockkkk (┛>Д<)┛彡┻━┻
it makes u sound so cranky all the time ; u ;
o um ok sorry if ur upset abt that;;
im just saying that it’s the impression u give off bc of ur bio, and if im wrong, let’s just get to know each other better then ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ
p.s.: ur not in the place to comment abt my choice of email client when ur email address is as silly as “theawesomesehuna” (｡･ˇ_ˇ･｡)
p.s.2: the only reason y we r talking abt this via email is bc u emailed me first ok u got urself to blame tbh ^^
oh and
p.s.3: im ugly? ugly enough for u to leave 37 winks on my profile?（￣∀￣）
sincerely intrigued :3,
huang zitao
sehun facepalms at his own stupidity. he thinks being friends with jongin and luhan for so long makes their dumbness rub off on him.
to: hzt_ao@yahoo.com
from: theawesomesehuna@gmail.com
subject: re: re: re: re: OI
….just…add me on LINE okay it’s also theawesomesehuna.
sehun wonders what the fuck he was on when he created his ID.
suddenly, his phone vibrates.
zitao: hiiii (* ﾟ∀ﾟ)ﾉｼ
sehun: you sure use a lot of girly emojis for a fierce-looking guy
zitao: hey!! looks can be deceiving ok im actually a softie ; u ;
zitao: and u urself use little to no emojis for such a cute guy ( ^ω^)
sehun regrets reading that message while he’s gulping down his chocolate milk.
he thinks that if this zitao guy can see how that simple sentence has made him burst out choking, and turned his face into various shades of red in a matter of seconds just now, he’d never live it down.
sehun: oh mY GOD
zitao: aw u dun like me smooth-talking? ppl say im great at it (´･_･`)
“YOU ARE,” sehun screams to his empty apartment, “YOU ARE, ASSHAT.”
but his pride won’t let him give in to zitao. no. not in a million years. so instead, he replies:
sehun: no you suck
zitao: no im huang zitao (≧∀≦)
sehun: OH MY GOD PLEASE GO AWAY
sehun emits a very frustrated groan. this is going to be a long, long night.
+++
zitao: soooo, what do u take in uni? σ(≧ε≦ｏ)
sehun: psychology.
zitao: ah whaaat (･д･;) no fun!!!
sehun: how can uni be fun tbh
zitao: y r u so grumpyyy ; n ; anyways, mine is! ( > w < )
sehun: good for you
zitao: …aren’t u at least going to ask (･д･;;)
sehun: fine. what do you take in uni.
zitao: digital photography!! my everyday life is basically involves going around shooting beautiful things lol
digital photography? who would’ve thought, sehun muses. he suddenly remembers his psychology essay, long forgotten. he feels so pathetic and boring.
sehun: oh wow that’s actually kinda awesome tho
zitao: ikrrr (u v u) how abt u and i hang out sometimes! i’ll take u to my favorite photo-hunting spots in town o(≧∇≦o)
sehun splutters. oh god, here it is. a complete stranger he’s met on a dating site ask him out for a date.
sehun: you could be a crazy mass murderer on the loose and i don’t even know
zitao: a super super hot one that made u leave 37 winks on his profile page? maybe ;)
sehun: you’ll never going to let me live that down, won’t you
zitao: ( ് 3 ് ) ♥
zitao: ur right abt the crazy part tho
zitao: crazy for u (♥≧▽≦)ﾉｼ))
sehun: I AM SERIOUSLY GOING TO KICK YOU WHEN I MEET YOU
zitao: soooo i’ll take that as a yes?（⌒▽⌒）
sehun: ……..
sehun: dammit fine
sehun: friday next week at 5.
zitao: YAAAAAAYYY
zitao: R U SRS OMGGGGG i cant wait to finally meet u!!!
zitao: o(≧∇≦o)
zitao: o(*>ω<*)o
zitao: ヾ(@°▽°@)ノ
zitao: (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
sehun laughs out loud, shaking his head at the spam of emojis. it’s adorable, zitao’s adorable, and he really hates to admit it.
sehun: you should really cut back on the emojis tho
zitao: whaaat, it’s cute!!! emojis r a way to be honest ok it expresses my tru feelings ( ‘ 3 ‘)
sehun: i can express my feelings just fine without them
zitao: oh really? let me guess. ur now…as expressionless as a brick (e_e)
sehun: no i’m not
zitao: well that’s the vibe im getting from u rn (；△；)
sehun: you’re just not good at reading emotions, that’s all
zitao: ruuuude ( ; w ; )
zitao: well if u say otherwise, send me a picture then!!!!
sehun: no!
zitao: why noooootttt :(
sehun: why should i
zitao: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
zitao: (´；д；`)
zitao: (´；д；`)
zitao: im gonna spam u with crying emoticons until u send me a pic
zitao: (´；д；`)
zitao: (´；д；`)
zitao: (´；д；`)
sehun frowns at his screen screen. closing the messenger, he opens up his phone camera to check on himself. well he does look pretty good right now-if not all the time, he snorts-and he may have styled his hair up a bit this morning since he hates how messy it was due to his lack of sleep. it might be nice to snap a photo or two.
setting the timer, he puts a little smile on his lips just before the shutter goes off. he quickly opens his gallery. it turned out pretty adorable, he might say. okay no well it turned out really handsome. sehun’s not blind.
his phone vibrates rapidly during the whole thing, his notifications flooded with zitao sending him sad stickers. he goes back to his chat with zitao, and types.
sehun: okay okay FINE shut up already
he sends the photo and waits. he can practically hear his own heartbeat in his ears, and he doesn’t think that he can wait another second without freaking out so he storms out to the kitchen to fetch himself some water.
when he goes back, the messenger pops up.
zitao: holy shit
sehun smirks.
zitao: what the hell dude
zitao: fkjsdjfjds;f’ajalf;sfa]
laughing, sehun replies.
sehun: where are your emojis now?
zitao: there’s absolutely nO EMOJI THAT CAN DESCRIBE MY FEELINGS RN OKAY
zitao: jsdnkkadknjwejkwlJKNIADIOSKLA
zitao: the only thing i can say is that you should smile more often!!!!!
zitao: it looks so good on u
zitao: i mean it
zitao: (♥ w ♥)
sehun blushes a very furious shade of red that even a lobster is put to shame. how can a man who he hasn’t even met yet make him so flustered and tongue-tied? “you’re so fucking screwed, oh,” he says as he facepalms.
sehun: thank you, i guess
zitao: no, thank YOU :3
zitao: i really cant wait for our date ok (♥≧▽≦)
zitao: ur rly pretty and i dont say this to just anyone
zitao: so consider urself special (♥ω♥ ) ~♪
he literally throws his phone from his hands and screams into his pillow like a giddy, lovesick schoolgirl.
how the hell is sehun supposed to stay mad at zitao for so long when he’s so damn smitten.
he goes to bed that night with a stupid smile plastered permanently on his face. he was just going to close his eyes when his phone suddenly dings.
“who the hell,” sehun mutters, and gapes.
it’s a picture of zitao, all comfy and snug on his bed, his eyes forming crescents as he smiles. there’s still that goddamned kitty curl on the edge of his lips that sehun is crazy for, and as if all of it is not yet cute enough, zitao there is hugging a medium-sized panda plushie.
a panda plushie.
sehun feels like he could fart kittens right now after being faced with such amount of cute.
zitao: good night! sleep tight, sehunnie, i hope u dream of me ( ് 3 ് ) ♥
sehunnie
.
well, that growing smile on his face not going to go anywhere tonight.
+++
time goes by so fast when you’re happy, or at least that’s what sehun thinks he feels. he gets gradually less grumpy by the end of the week, and smiles a lot too.
well, maybe a bit too much because some of his classmates reported seeing him smile at his phone at some point that they were entirely weirded out.
it doesn’t differ as much with luhan and jongin, on tuesday evening, who are getting increasingly annoyed by the faces sehun is making.
“i almost prefer the somber sehun than this,” jongin deadpans, throwing his chewed pencil at him, “who are you and what have you done to my best friend!?”
“again, i thought i am your best friend,” luhan pipes in. jongin throws him a death glare.
“please settle this once and for all so luhan and i won’t fight anymore-who’s your best friend?”
sehun snaps. “would you guys shut up?”
it would’ve sounded threatening if it was not paired with a stupid, huge-ass grin.
“oh my god would you put that fucking smile away? everyone was creeped out by your sudden change last week, you know?” luhan knocks him on the head with a ruler. “and can you please put that phone down? i’m kinda in the middle of tutoring you guys here.”
sehun proceeds to put on his best kicked puppy expression. “but zitao is sending me pics of him with his dog.” the frown is literally audible in his voice that sehun immediately receives a kick from luhan under the table. fuck, never underestimate the kick of a fucking soccer player next time.
“whoa, whoa, hold up, a dog? you never get along with a dog person,” jongin states, confused. but he quickly adds, “but i’m an exception, of course.”
sehun snorts. “it’s only a miracle that i’m able to get along with you.” jongin elbows him in the ribs.
but jongin gets him thinking. it’s a well-known fact that sehun is really not a dog person.
one time in fifth grade, jongin’s dog monggu dry-humped him on the leg. that was more than enough of a reason to leave him preferring cats so much more than dogs. it is also the reason why their study sessions were always held in luhan’s house (dog-free), although luhan himself is two years older. he unceremoniously became their tutor from then on.
“it’s funny to see you change so much like this just because of one guy,” luhan says, amused, “but now you really need to put down that phone because we’ve been stuck at this question for an hour. i ditched my shift today for this, you know.”
both jongin and sehun blatantly ignore him.
“so, found any mr. right material in this zitao guy?” jongin prompts, earning a glare from luhan as the former pushes his textbook aside. “or is he already your mr. right now?” he cackles at his own joke, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively.
that gets sehun flustered. he tries to explain the situation but what comes out instead is a weak “no…” that gets both of his friends laughing.
“i can literally see hearts jumping out from your eyes, holy shit,” jongin says, face scrunching in fake disgust. “one of you should go and make a move or something. i don’t think i can handle another day with you being all goofy frowns-i know the expression you make when you see something cute, sehun, you fucking frown out of all other expressions you can do-and random outbursts of coos.”
sehun mentally facepalms. falling in stupid love makes him a walking embarrassment.
“well,” sehun clears his throat, blush creeping up his face, “we kinda…agreed to meet up friday afternoon?”
“WHAT THE FUCK,” jongin screams, jumping up from his seat like a giddy toddler getting a candy.
he feels jongin’s palms suddenly cupping his cheeks, jerking his face towards him. “my son,” jongin dramatically wipes a fake tear, “is finally back in the dating game. goodbye, oh, asshole byun baekhyun, your fucking two-timing ass hath now been long-forgotten.”
sehun thoroughly enjoys slapping jongin square on the back of his head.
“uh, hello, tutor here?” luhan pipes up from the side, frowning as sehun now has jongin in a headlock. give them five more seconds and luhan’s room would be a witness of a freaking wrestle match.
“i swear to god,” luhan gripes from the side, “i’m letting you all fail your quiz tomorrow.”
“that’s okay,” jongin says, struggling to get out from sehun’s death grip, “sehun will finally get the “d” he really needs.”
“YOU DID NOT JUST FUCKING SAY THAT.”
luhan sighs as he watches jongin flopping helplessly on the floor with sehun mercilessly choking the soul out of him.
he really should’ve stayed at the cafe today.
part two →