really frustrated.. am i
Date: 11 Oct 2007
Title: Mr. Umbrella
Summary: One afternoon it was raining and I don't have an umbrella. Life sucks because everyone else has got someone else while I am all alone.
Dripping, falling
Still I walk; so stubborn
Wet and wild: I joke
All alone, to myself
Dancing, flying
Figures and rainbows
All will be gone
To leave me behind
Laughing, cuddling
Everybody else
Around me, but no
Notice; just them
Walking, talking
Behind me you came
Mister Someone holding
An umbrella in the rain
Greeting, saying
Something, as I stare
Unbelieving and numb,
At your face
Loving, having
Your far embrace
My imagination
Wild as the air
Going, making
Me long for you
As your mirage
Disappears beside me
Crying, lying
To myself for this affair
You leave me;
By myself; softy
Dripping, falling
Still I walk, in the rain
Wet and wild: I choke;
All alone; you’re never there
One rainy afternoon I don't have an umbrella. Life sucks and everybody else has got someone else while I am all alone. I hate umbrellas, I think they're too cumbersome, which is why I didn't bother to bring one with me that day. My class ended at 5 pm. Usually, I like the rain because it takes away the tropical heat but being impeded by the rain when you've got a thesis paper to catch up on and another million things to do, can be a sucker. I waited and waited until it's almost six, but the rain was relentless. So, being the free-spirited person that I am, I decided to run with it.
Walking in the rain or, in my case, running in the rain can be quite exhilarating. The palm fronds above made it quite risky because they can flatten anyone passing by in one gust of wind. Yet there's a unique beauty in the music of swaying leaves and the sodden scenery. Even the mud looked inviting. But that certain doomed afternoon also had its ugliness. I walked in the rain with couples surrounding me. To my left there's this pair running while embracing each other (I don't know how that was possible but it was what they were doing) and trying desperately to keep each other from getting wet, as if their warm bodies can substitute rain coats. To the right was another pair sharing a very small umbrella, trying hard to fit themselves under it and having a giggling contest along the way. A few paces ahead, another couple (who seemed a lot smarter than the others) walked under their blue golf umbrella, enjoying the water (without getting wet) that was so torturing me.
Life sucks; my life really sucks.
As anyone may have guessed, I'm not one of those lucky enough to have someone holding an umbrella above my head. I'm not fortunate to have someone keeping me warm against the cold windy day, someone to share the pleasure of being drenched silly by the rain. I am one of those very few individuals who shivered and felt miserable and alone.
I allowed my mind to drift away from that torturous space. I thought maybe I'd find solace in my inner world, instead I found more disappointment:
I remembered walking one extremely hot and sunny day, looking at my feet and shielding my face from the sun. I looked up and ahead just for a moment, and like destiny I saw the most familiar figure walking towards me.
"Hmmm.. you're walking again", he commented as we passed by each other.
I know I must have smiled goofily but I also know he didn't even give me another glance and he thought nothing of how nerdy and unsure I looked. I know, however, that in just one instant that our worlds collided, I am content. I can live by just knowing that he knew who I am: that kid who's always walking.
Why is he walking? Where's his car? Where is he going? Is he going to meet someone? These were the questions that lingered inside my head after that brief encounter. I wondered why I always felt baffled and jittery whenever I see/pass by/glance/think about him. Okay, so maybe he's absolutely marvelously gorgeous looking, has these eyes which can just melt your innards and an inflection in his voice that is just so… but he's still human, and I am not affected by mere humans. I used to be not affected by humans.
Just like so many times before that gloomy and rainy afternoon I dreamt of him beside me: imagined him walking towards me holding an umbrella. I'd stop and stare at him like a desert traveler seeing a mirage amongst all the sand. He'd startle me by placing his umbrella above my head, which now seemed the most magical thing, and I'd hear him say: "Hmmm.. you're walking again", then he'd walk with me and maybe it would take us a few years before we reach my house, and of course I'd stop feeling sorry for myself. He'd always be the prince/knight/hero who will come and rescue me: the princess who never was and never will be.
I didn't stop dreaming about him until that last time he passed me by walking down the stairs of our school building. I wanted to greet him and smile, and say: "Good morning, sir" just to be polite and just so he'll notice me. But he looked so lost in thought and once again I hesitated because he might have forgotten who I am: the kid who's always walking and his student from last semester in Section E.
I hate the rain. I hate umbrellas. The rain always makes me think about things that will never and can never be. Umbrellas are still too cumbersome and I don't remember ever seeing him with one. He probably walks in the rain too; yeah, because we are so alike. Our only difference is that we'll never belong in a common dimension. While I'm being drenched, he'll never be there with an umbrella over my head. He can never feel my rain and I'd never bask in his sunshine.
Title: Mr. Umbrella
Summary: One afternoon it was raining and I don't have an umbrella. Life sucks because everyone else has got someone else while I am all alone.
Dripping, falling
Still I walk; so stubborn
Wet and wild: I joke
All alone, to myself
Dancing, flying
Figures and rainbows
All will be gone
To leave me behind
Laughing, cuddling
Everybody else
Around me, but no
Notice; just them
Walking, talking
Behind me you came
Mister Someone holding
An umbrella in the rain
Greeting, saying
Something, as I stare
Unbelieving and numb,
At your face
Loving, having
Your far embrace
My imagination
Wild as the air
Going, making
Me long for you
As your mirage
Disappears beside me
Crying, lying
To myself for this affair
You leave me;
By myself; softy
Dripping, falling
Still I walk, in the rain
Wet and wild: I choke;
All alone; you’re never there
One rainy afternoon I don't have an umbrella. Life sucks and everybody else has got someone else while I am all alone. I hate umbrellas, I think they're too cumbersome, which is why I didn't bother to bring one with me that day. My class ended at 5 pm. Usually, I like the rain because it takes away the tropical heat but being impeded by the rain when you've got a thesis paper to catch up on and another million things to do, can be a sucker. I waited and waited until it's almost six, but the rain was relentless. So, being the free-spirited person that I am, I decided to run with it.
Walking in the rain or, in my case, running in the rain can be quite exhilarating. The palm fronds above made it quite risky because they can flatten anyone passing by in one gust of wind. Yet there's a unique beauty in the music of swaying leaves and the sodden scenery. Even the mud looked inviting. But that certain doomed afternoon also had its ugliness. I walked in the rain with couples surrounding me. To my left there's this pair running while embracing each other (I don't know how that was possible but it was what they were doing) and trying desperately to keep each other from getting wet, as if their warm bodies can substitute rain coats. To the right was another pair sharing a very small umbrella, trying hard to fit themselves under it and having a giggling contest along the way. A few paces ahead, another couple (who seemed a lot smarter than the others) walked under their blue golf umbrella, enjoying the water (without getting wet) that was so torturing me.
Life sucks; my life really sucks.
As anyone may have guessed, I'm not one of those lucky enough to have someone holding an umbrella above my head. I'm not fortunate to have someone keeping me warm against the cold windy day, someone to share the pleasure of being drenched silly by the rain. I am one of those very few individuals who shivered and felt miserable and alone.
I allowed my mind to drift away from that torturous space. I thought maybe I'd find solace in my inner world, instead I found more disappointment:
I remembered walking one extremely hot and sunny day, looking at my feet and shielding my face from the sun. I looked up and ahead just for a moment, and like destiny I saw the most familiar figure walking towards me.
"Hmmm.. you're walking again", he commented as we passed by each other.
I know I must have smiled goofily but I also know he didn't even give me another glance and he thought nothing of how nerdy and unsure I looked. I know, however, that in just one instant that our worlds collided, I am content. I can live by just knowing that he knew who I am: that kid who's always walking.
Why is he walking? Where's his car? Where is he going? Is he going to meet someone? These were the questions that lingered inside my head after that brief encounter. I wondered why I always felt baffled and jittery whenever I see/pass by/glance/think about him. Okay, so maybe he's absolutely marvelously gorgeous looking, has these eyes which can just melt your innards and an inflection in his voice that is just so… but he's still human, and I am not affected by mere humans. I used to be not affected by humans.
Just like so many times before that gloomy and rainy afternoon I dreamt of him beside me: imagined him walking towards me holding an umbrella. I'd stop and stare at him like a desert traveler seeing a mirage amongst all the sand. He'd startle me by placing his umbrella above my head, which now seemed the most magical thing, and I'd hear him say: "Hmmm.. you're walking again", then he'd walk with me and maybe it would take us a few years before we reach my house, and of course I'd stop feeling sorry for myself. He'd always be the prince/knight/hero who will come and rescue me: the princess who never was and never will be.
I didn't stop dreaming about him until that last time he passed me by walking down the stairs of our school building. I wanted to greet him and smile, and say: "Good morning, sir" just to be polite and just so he'll notice me. But he looked so lost in thought and once again I hesitated because he might have forgotten who I am: the kid who's always walking and his student from last semester in Section E.
I hate the rain. I hate umbrellas. The rain always makes me think about things that will never and can never be. Umbrellas are still too cumbersome and I don't remember ever seeing him with one. He probably walks in the rain too; yeah, because we are so alike. Our only difference is that we'll never belong in a common dimension. While I'm being drenched, he'll never be there with an umbrella over my head. He can never feel my rain and I'd never bask in his sunshine.