Fic - Strangelove or How Dean Winchester learned to stop worrying and love Cas
Title: Strangelove or How Dean Winchester learned to stop worrying and love Cas.
Rating: PG-13
Genre and/or Pairing: Genderswap, Dean/Cas
Spoilers: Season 4
Warnings: none
Word Count:~3500
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: It took Cas growing a pair of boobs and losing them for Dean to realize he didn’t want them in the first place. Cracktastic
A/N: I’m so depressed after the last couple of eps, that I needed to cheer myself up.
When Cas came out from his meeting with the faeries, it was obvious that something was wrong.
Very, very wrong.
“Fucking hell?” Dean said and drew his gun.
The eyes were the same color, the hair was the same color. Same trench-coat, same bad tax accountant suit, same haphazardly placed blue tie.
It just happened to all be rather… girly.
Sam stood beside Dean and they were both ready to fight it. Her. Whatever. They were fucking ready.
“Dean,” she said tiredly and that low, Kathleen Turner voice…
“Cas?” Dean asked, not ready to put the gun down yet. “What the fuck, man? I mean, er, just what the fuck?”
Her shoulders slumped. “There was some sort of … mix-up when I was pulled back through the looking glass after my meeting. Since angels have no gender and Jimmy has departed this vessel, there was nothing to indicate what the gender of the body should be and the fae did not take close enough notice when I went through the first time and…”
He, she, Cas gestured down at her body.
“They gave you girl parts?” asked Sam incredulously.
She sighed. “I have been assured it is only temporary. It’s not as though angels have a preference, but it did take an absurd amount of time to become accustomed to human form to begin with and now…”
He still looked like Cas. Like a girly Cas. His hair was long now but it still had its bed-head attributes,like he had just been visiting with several enthusiastic friends. His eyes were the same bright intense blue, lips still sort of chapped but full.
But he was a she.
“Hmph,” Dean grunted suspiciously, gun lowered but still held at the ready. He leaned over to Sam. “Could be a trap.” To the woman he said, “Tell me something only Cas would know.”
She tipped her head thoughtfully and squinted her eyes a bit. Her trench-coat was a little too big for her frame, her white shirt was starting to list to one side. She looked directly at Dean.
“When we were at the brothel, Chastity was upset because I spoke of her father disliking his job at the post office.”
Dean was satisfied and started holstering his gun.
“What?” exclaimed Sam and he spun on Dean. “You fucking didn’t!”
“What? I thought he was gonna die in the morning, last night on earth,” Dean waved a hand dismissively. “So how long are you She-Ra?”
Cas ignored the reference he didn’t quite get but understood the basics of nonetheless. “I don’t know. The magic used to pull me through the glass should reset itself, but the fae were unsure how long it would take.”
She came to stand next to Dean and Dean looked her up and down. Cas was regular sized for a guy but for a girl…
“You’re fucking huge!” Dean exclaimed.
“I am the same size.”
“Yeah, but now you’re a girl!”
Not really listening to Dean, Cas made an irritated face and stretched her shoulders back, and then forward and then back again. Then she rolled them.
“What’s wrong?” asked Sam.
“Are you hurt?” added Dean.
“No, I… I am constricted by something… and it’s… it’s very…” she peaked down her shirt. “I believe it is my undergarments.”
“Are you wearing a bra?” Dean’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline.
“Yes.”
“What color is it?”
“Dean!”
“What, I’m just asking, it’s probably white anyway.”
“You don’t have to answer that, Castiel,” said Sam as they headed back to the car.
“It makes no difference to me. It is white. But it is made out of very uncomfortable lace. It doesn’t not seem supportive at all. Is that not it’s function?”
Dean’s eyes bugged out at the suggestion of lace and he glanced back to Cas who currently had her nose stuck down her shirt and was examining her bra.
“Uh, maybe I should take a look?”
“Get in the car, Dean, or so help me God,” warned Sam and he grabbed Dean’s shoulders and steered him toward the Impala.
“I just want to know what size it is! I can’t tell under the coat and the jacket and the shirt.”
Cas looked up from her shirt. “They seem large.”
***
Back at the hotel Sam was trying to discuss their next hunt with Dean who was continually distracted by girl-Cas.
Girl-Cas was currently trying to figure out her breasts. Sam tried not to look but Dean was actively staring and maybe even sweating a little. All her layers were still on and she sat in one of the painfully uncomfortable chairs while Dean and Sam were huddled around the laptop at the table. She would slouch and then sit upright then, pushing her shoulders back and then hunching them forward, all the while examining her front. She slouched again, then bounced a little in her seat, then leaned to one side then the other. At one point she leaned forward and gave her shoulders a little showgirl shake and Sam thought Dean would pass out.
“Cas! Seriously!” Sam exclaimed. “Just go in the bathroom and look at them if they’re so damn fascinating.”
Castiel frowned, perfectly arched dark brows coming together. “While I understand the biological function of them, I see no need for them to be so…”
“Bouncy?” Dean offered and Sam clipped the back of his head.
“Yes,” answered Cas slowly. “They are quite robust.”
“I’ll say. Ow!” Dean yelped when Sam clipped him again. “You’re gonna give me a concussion at this rate.”
“Then stop staring! God!”
“I also do not understand the male fascination with them.”
“Really?” asked Sam sarcastically. “Because they’ve certainly caught your attention.”
Castiel looked at Sam unabashedly. “They are new. And they are mine. There is no reason why I shouldn’t examine them.” She looked thoughtful. “Although I have nothing to compare them to they appear quite nice.”
Even Sam had to admit, it did seem like Cas had a great rack.
***
It was their first skirmish with demons since Cas became a girl and while Dean had always felt a little protective of him, he was surprised to feel even more so now that he was a she.
Especially when she went flying backwards through a wall of wooden slats.
Although he was busy with his own demon, he still managed a panicked yell and was grateful when she was back on her feet, trench-coat flapping, and socked the demon hard in the jaw and then exorcised him.
He finished off his demon with the knife while Sam retrieved the scrolls they had come for. Dean made his way over to Cas and when he placed a hand on her shoulder, she flinched.
“Are you hurt?”
“I will be fine.”
“Lemme see,” said Dean.
He turned Cas around carefully and was stunned to see a large spike of wood jutting out from her shoulder blade.
“That’s gotta come out.”
Cas tried to reach up and behind her with her left arm and then the right, but all she succeeded in doing was pushing her breasts out and nearly popping her shirt. Sam jogged over.
“Okay, easy, Charo, before you give Dean a heart attack,” Sam said and he examined the spike.
“Remove it. I will be fine,” she said, her voice husky and low.
Sam grabbed it and yanked hard. She stumbled a bit but then straightened up right away and gave him a curt nod of thanks.
“Dude got the jump on you, huh?” said Dean.
Castiel shifted on her feet. “I am not accustomed to fighting like this.”
“Like what?”
Another shift. “They are difficult to fight around.”
Dean frowned. “What are?”
“My mammary glands.”
Sam choked on his own spit. “Are you saying your boobs get in the way?”
“Yes.”
***
“Can you lie down on your stomach?”
“I have not tried,” said Cas and then she leaned over and fell face first on the bed. She bounced for a bit and was still for a moment and then pushed herself off.
“Well?” asked Dean.
“That hurt,” said Cas with a frown and then she massaged her chest.
Dean suddenly thought he could settle an old debate he once had with a girl in high-school. “What hurts more? Getting socked in the boob or getting kicked in the nuts?”
“I have never been kicked in the groin area.”
“Really? You must be the luckiest bastard on the planet.”
***
Cas was staring at them again. Then he poked one, then the other.
“I think they are receding,” he said finally.
“What? Like they’re shrinking?” asked Dean.
“I believe so.”
This led Dean’s brain to form this question: If Castiel’s boobs were shrinking, was something else growing in return?
He opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it and closed it again.
Nope, there was no cool way to ask that question. So he shrugged and turned back to the TV.
***
Dean wasn’t surprised he was attracted to girl-Cas. Not really.
She was hot. Kicked ass at demon fighting. And she had a really great rack.
But he was surprised that as she started becoming more he again, it wasn’t going away.
When Cas had first… well, changed, it had been like being given a free license to ogle. Castiel didn’t mind nor care that Dean was perpetually staring at him. Her. What the fuck ever.
And Cas had outright been playing with those things. Of course she had just been figuring them out, examining them, but it didn’t really matter. What mattered is they were there and they were getting an awful lot of attention.
But they were going ‘down’ now, and Cas was becoming more masculine again. He stopped wearing the bra. His hair was shrinking, he was growing just a hint of stubble and his voice was losing its husky sex phone operator tone and getting back its… husky sex phone operator tone.
Dean was gonna have to think about that one for a moment.
Right now, Cas looked like some kind of hermaphrodite, caught in between two worlds. Both were attractive but a strange mixture of the two of them was not.
Dean couldn’t stop staring.
It was like Cas being girl-Cas and Dean staring at him-her broke some kind of seal and now he couldn’t put the genie back in the bottle.
He watched as Cas flipped through an old tome, carefully running his finger over the ancient words.
Sam cleared his throat. Then again. Then a third time.
Not realizing it was empty of water, Dean pushed bottle at him without looking over.
Sam chucked it back at him and it bounced off his head with a thwomp.
“Dude! What the hell?”
“Dean, you’re staring at her-him.”
While Cas was ‘in between’ they were sort of using both pronouns to describe him-her.
“So?”
“So?” repeated Sam. “Knock it off or go over there and… fuck, I don’t even know.”
“Shut up.”
***
Dean was pretty sure that Cas was back to normal now. Yesterday Cas had smoothed his shirt down over his chest and nary a boob had been seen.
His hair was back to its regular length and that was kind of a shame since it had this sort of whacked out thing going on two days ago that was really cool.
His eyelashes were the same length. Dean supposed they’d always been that long but he never noticed before.
He couldn’t stop staring.
“Soooooooo,” Dean drawled and Castiel looked up from the text he was reading. “Everything’s back to normal?”
“To what are you referring?” asked Castiel, eyebrows drawn.
Dean made a vague gesture. “Girl parts, boy parts. All where they should be?”
Castiel tilted his head. “I believe so.”
Dean’s eyebrows went up. “Believe so? You mean you don’t know?”
Castiel was giving him that look that said Dean had gone insane some time ago and Castiel was only now trying to figure out how to tell him.
“The mammary glands were the most obvious and they have… retracted.”
Dean nodded. “And everything… else?”
Castiel thought carefully for a moment. “I think this vessel has returned to its original state.”
“Good,” nodded Dean. “That’s… good.”
***
Their next hunt ended up being cleansing a house full of poltergeists. The ghosts had been quite friendly it seems up until the apocalypse started when they went apeshit.
After it was all over, Castiel, Sam and Dean were limping back to the car when Castiel placed his hand on Dean’s shoulder.
“You okay Cas?” asked Dean, concern lacing his voice.
“It hurts more to be kicked in the groin than struck in the mammary glands,” Cas said gravely.
Dean winced in sympathy.
That debate was now settled.
***
“You’ve been staring at me.”
Dean flinched at Cas’ tone and then decided to give sarcasm a go. “Hello, Pot? Kettle for you on line one.”
Castiel scrunched up his face in mild confusion. Dean huffed.
“I have not,” Dean protested.
“You have.”
“Have not.”
“Dean.”
The sound Dean made was stuck in between embarrassment and exasperation.
“Look, maybe for a while, just a little bit, I was distracted by your girl parts.” Dean didn’t look up as he continued to flip through all the channels the motel offered. He cycled through the thirteen channels of garbage and then started over again at the bottom.
Castiel was standing by the door and Dean couldn’t help feeling a little trapped. Sam was at local coffee shop, shamelessly abusing their wifi so he could troll the internet looking for a new case. Castiel moved from the door and stood in front of the tv.
“Dude. You make a better door than a window.”
Castiel shifted hesitantly between his feet. “I wish to know why you are staring at me.”
“I told you, I’m not…Forget it.” Dean swung his legs off the bed and crossed over to the little kitchenette, opened the tiny fridge and took out a beer. He couldn’t stop his eyebrows from raising when Castiel followed him and did the same.
Dean cracked the top of his and leaned against the counter. After a quick study, Castiel mirrored his actions.
“You know, Sammy used to do something similar when he was little. First I would do something then he would do it. Or I would say something and then he would repeat it. I’m telling you now, it’s annoying as fuck and if you try it, I will hit you.”
“Why are you staring at me Dean?”
The label of Dean’s bear bottle suddenly became the most interesting thing in the world. “I dunno.”
Castiel appeared thoughtful for a moment. “It has been my experience that quite often when people know something but do not wish to admit they know, they say they do not know.”
“I told you not to watch anymore Dr. Phil, Jesus. I don’t go around asking you why you stare at me.”
“I stare at you because I like looking at you.”
“I didn’t ask.” He didn’t know why he was so uncomfortable.
“No, you didn’t.” Cas took a long pull from his beer and out of the corner of his eye Dean watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down. It was incongruous and almost ridiculous and he suddenly had that Elvis song stuck in his head, Now or Never stupid lyrics telling him stupid stuff that was stupid.
Castiel waited patiently while Dean worked out carefully in his head what he thought he might want to say.
Dean picked at the label of his bottle. “Maybe I like looking at you too.” The words were pushed out in a weird, quick mumble.
Castiel nodded thoughtfully.
“Would you… If I…” Dean stammered. “Because I could maybe…”
He was cut off by the sudden press of Cas’ lips to his. It was awkward and strange and Dean stupidly kept his eyes open and he must have looked horrendously cross eyed as he starred at Cas’ blurry form in front of him.
Cas pulled back and then returned to his casual lean on the counter.
“What… I was… oh,” Dean managed.
“I was curious.”
“Oh.”
“I kissed the prostitute, Chastity, as well. Or rather, she kissed me. This was different.”
“Fuck, I hope so. Wait. Different good or different bad?”
Castiel pondered. “Different good.”
Dean nodded. “Good.” He turned and stepped so he was in front of Cas. Cas looked at him questioningly. Seriously.
And then he started talking again. “I understand the mechanics, of course and while Jimmy still inhabited this body, I had access to his memories. It’s different in practice.”
Dean set his beer bottle down on the counter behind Castiel and then took Cas’ beer out of his fingers and set it aside also. Castiel’s eyes tracked Dean’s movements casually, with mild interest. Dean made a sort of ‘mm-hmm’ sound.
“Recalling the information still leaves most of my faculties free but actually experiencing it is-”
Dean cut him off with a kiss and not just a press of the lips. Dean fit both of his hands on either side of Castiel’s face and leaned right into Cas’ body, pressing their hips together. Cas’ hands came up and grabbed first at Dean’s elbows and then tugged at Dean’s hips. Dean’s lips worked over Cas, first softy and then more insistent and when Cas started to mirror the movements back, Dean slid his tongue across the seam of Castiel’s lip and then waited. A second later he felt the hot slip of Cas’ tongue against his own lips and tickle of desire ran down his core. Dean opened his lips and let Cas’ tongue tentatively investigate the inside of his mouth before returning the favor a little more skillfully. Like teenagers they got caught up in necking, hands roaming over each other restlessly.
“Dean,” Castiel finally said.
Dean pulled back slightly and even though he’d been pretty involved in kissing Castiel, he was surprised to see Castiel’s hair was mussed even more and his lips were a pink and spit-slick.
“You’re aware that I am no longer in possession of a female body?” Castiel’s eyes were a little tight and nervous.
Dean chuckled. “Yeah, pretty aware,” he said as he rolled his hips against Castiel and felt Cas’ erection through his pants, letting Cas feel his matching one.
“I wasn’t certain… if perhaps…”
“I just like you. Just you. Don’t get me wrong, the outside’s pretty nice too, but… you’re underneath it.”
“Your outsides are also aesthetically pleasing, but I too admire what is beneath the surface.”
Dean figured that was Cas’ version of sexy talk. It kinda made Dean grin like an idiot. He frowned as he felt something poking at him from Cas trenchcoat. Well, something else, other than Cas. Dean reached in and pulled it out.
It was a white, frilly laced bra.
“What - ? Did you keep this?”
“I didn’t know what to do with it. It’s perfectly fine. I wasn’t sure if I should discard it or not.”
“So you put it in your pocket?”
“Where else would I put it?”
***
Sam came back from the cafe and found Dean and Cas stretched out on one of the beds watching a really made movie of the week about a single mom who finds love again with a gruff ranch-hand after she takes over the family ranch.
What was weirder was they seem to be enjoying it.
They were both casual and relaxed. Dean’s hands were folded over his stomach. Cas had ditched the coat and the suit jacket and one of his hands was resting next to Dean’s thigh, just barely touching it.
Sam tossed the pizza down on the table and raised an eyebrow at Dean.
Dean glanced over and scowled. “Shut it. We’re an item now.” He jerked his thumb between him and Cas. “No back talk.”
Sam held up his hands in a gesture of compliance. “Uh, Cas, you want some pizza?”
Cas smiled at him and that’s the first time Sam’s seen his teeth without a grimace of pain involved. “No, thank you, Sam.”
Sam paused. “I thought all your girl parts were gone.”
“They are.”
“Oh.” Sam nodded. “Okay then. There any beer left?”
“Fridge,” Dean said as he tilted his head toward it and rolled off the bed to grab a slice of pizza. “Grab me one.”
Sam eyeballed him as he set the beer down in front of Dean. Dean didn’t even look up as he plowed into the pizza. Cas continued to watch how the young mother fared now that a drought was upon the ranch. Sam looked from Dean to Cas and back to Dean.
“You’re an enigma wrapped in a mystery, aren’t you?” said Sam.
“Shut it bitch.”
Rating: PG-13
Genre and/or Pairing: Genderswap, Dean/Cas
Spoilers: Season 4
Warnings: none
Word Count:~3500
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: It took Cas growing a pair of boobs and losing them for Dean to realize he didn’t want them in the first place. Cracktastic
A/N: I’m so depressed after the last couple of eps, that I needed to cheer myself up.
When Cas came out from his meeting with the faeries, it was obvious that something was wrong.
Very, very wrong.
“Fucking hell?” Dean said and drew his gun.
The eyes were the same color, the hair was the same color. Same trench-coat, same bad tax accountant suit, same haphazardly placed blue tie.
It just happened to all be rather… girly.
Sam stood beside Dean and they were both ready to fight it. Her. Whatever. They were fucking ready.
“Dean,” she said tiredly and that low, Kathleen Turner voice…
“Cas?” Dean asked, not ready to put the gun down yet. “What the fuck, man? I mean, er, just what the fuck?”
Her shoulders slumped. “There was some sort of … mix-up when I was pulled back through the looking glass after my meeting. Since angels have no gender and Jimmy has departed this vessel, there was nothing to indicate what the gender of the body should be and the fae did not take close enough notice when I went through the first time and…”
He, she, Cas gestured down at her body.
“They gave you girl parts?” asked Sam incredulously.
She sighed. “I have been assured it is only temporary. It’s not as though angels have a preference, but it did take an absurd amount of time to become accustomed to human form to begin with and now…”
He still looked like Cas. Like a girly Cas. His hair was long now but it still had its bed-head attributes,like he had just been visiting with several enthusiastic friends. His eyes were the same bright intense blue, lips still sort of chapped but full.
But he was a she.
“Hmph,” Dean grunted suspiciously, gun lowered but still held at the ready. He leaned over to Sam. “Could be a trap.” To the woman he said, “Tell me something only Cas would know.”
She tipped her head thoughtfully and squinted her eyes a bit. Her trench-coat was a little too big for her frame, her white shirt was starting to list to one side. She looked directly at Dean.
“When we were at the brothel, Chastity was upset because I spoke of her father disliking his job at the post office.”
Dean was satisfied and started holstering his gun.
“What?” exclaimed Sam and he spun on Dean. “You fucking didn’t!”
“What? I thought he was gonna die in the morning, last night on earth,” Dean waved a hand dismissively. “So how long are you She-Ra?”
Cas ignored the reference he didn’t quite get but understood the basics of nonetheless. “I don’t know. The magic used to pull me through the glass should reset itself, but the fae were unsure how long it would take.”
She came to stand next to Dean and Dean looked her up and down. Cas was regular sized for a guy but for a girl…
“You’re fucking huge!” Dean exclaimed.
“I am the same size.”
“Yeah, but now you’re a girl!”
Not really listening to Dean, Cas made an irritated face and stretched her shoulders back, and then forward and then back again. Then she rolled them.
“What’s wrong?” asked Sam.
“Are you hurt?” added Dean.
“No, I… I am constricted by something… and it’s… it’s very…” she peaked down her shirt. “I believe it is my undergarments.”
“Are you wearing a bra?” Dean’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline.
“Yes.”
“What color is it?”
“Dean!”
“What, I’m just asking, it’s probably white anyway.”
“You don’t have to answer that, Castiel,” said Sam as they headed back to the car.
“It makes no difference to me. It is white. But it is made out of very uncomfortable lace. It doesn’t not seem supportive at all. Is that not it’s function?”
Dean’s eyes bugged out at the suggestion of lace and he glanced back to Cas who currently had her nose stuck down her shirt and was examining her bra.
“Uh, maybe I should take a look?”
“Get in the car, Dean, or so help me God,” warned Sam and he grabbed Dean’s shoulders and steered him toward the Impala.
“I just want to know what size it is! I can’t tell under the coat and the jacket and the shirt.”
Cas looked up from her shirt. “They seem large.”
***
Back at the hotel Sam was trying to discuss their next hunt with Dean who was continually distracted by girl-Cas.
Girl-Cas was currently trying to figure out her breasts. Sam tried not to look but Dean was actively staring and maybe even sweating a little. All her layers were still on and she sat in one of the painfully uncomfortable chairs while Dean and Sam were huddled around the laptop at the table. She would slouch and then sit upright then, pushing her shoulders back and then hunching them forward, all the while examining her front. She slouched again, then bounced a little in her seat, then leaned to one side then the other. At one point she leaned forward and gave her shoulders a little showgirl shake and Sam thought Dean would pass out.
“Cas! Seriously!” Sam exclaimed. “Just go in the bathroom and look at them if they’re so damn fascinating.”
Castiel frowned, perfectly arched dark brows coming together. “While I understand the biological function of them, I see no need for them to be so…”
“Bouncy?” Dean offered and Sam clipped the back of his head.
“Yes,” answered Cas slowly. “They are quite robust.”
“I’ll say. Ow!” Dean yelped when Sam clipped him again. “You’re gonna give me a concussion at this rate.”
“Then stop staring! God!”
“I also do not understand the male fascination with them.”
“Really?” asked Sam sarcastically. “Because they’ve certainly caught your attention.”
Castiel looked at Sam unabashedly. “They are new. And they are mine. There is no reason why I shouldn’t examine them.” She looked thoughtful. “Although I have nothing to compare them to they appear quite nice.”
Even Sam had to admit, it did seem like Cas had a great rack.
***
It was their first skirmish with demons since Cas became a girl and while Dean had always felt a little protective of him, he was surprised to feel even more so now that he was a she.
Especially when she went flying backwards through a wall of wooden slats.
Although he was busy with his own demon, he still managed a panicked yell and was grateful when she was back on her feet, trench-coat flapping, and socked the demon hard in the jaw and then exorcised him.
He finished off his demon with the knife while Sam retrieved the scrolls they had come for. Dean made his way over to Cas and when he placed a hand on her shoulder, she flinched.
“Are you hurt?”
“I will be fine.”
“Lemme see,” said Dean.
He turned Cas around carefully and was stunned to see a large spike of wood jutting out from her shoulder blade.
“That’s gotta come out.”
Cas tried to reach up and behind her with her left arm and then the right, but all she succeeded in doing was pushing her breasts out and nearly popping her shirt. Sam jogged over.
“Okay, easy, Charo, before you give Dean a heart attack,” Sam said and he examined the spike.
“Remove it. I will be fine,” she said, her voice husky and low.
Sam grabbed it and yanked hard. She stumbled a bit but then straightened up right away and gave him a curt nod of thanks.
“Dude got the jump on you, huh?” said Dean.
Castiel shifted on her feet. “I am not accustomed to fighting like this.”
“Like what?”
Another shift. “They are difficult to fight around.”
Dean frowned. “What are?”
“My mammary glands.”
Sam choked on his own spit. “Are you saying your boobs get in the way?”
“Yes.”
***
“Can you lie down on your stomach?”
“I have not tried,” said Cas and then she leaned over and fell face first on the bed. She bounced for a bit and was still for a moment and then pushed herself off.
“Well?” asked Dean.
“That hurt,” said Cas with a frown and then she massaged her chest.
Dean suddenly thought he could settle an old debate he once had with a girl in high-school. “What hurts more? Getting socked in the boob or getting kicked in the nuts?”
“I have never been kicked in the groin area.”
“Really? You must be the luckiest bastard on the planet.”
***
Cas was staring at them again. Then he poked one, then the other.
“I think they are receding,” he said finally.
“What? Like they’re shrinking?” asked Dean.
“I believe so.”
This led Dean’s brain to form this question: If Castiel’s boobs were shrinking, was something else growing in return?
He opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it and closed it again.
Nope, there was no cool way to ask that question. So he shrugged and turned back to the TV.
***
Dean wasn’t surprised he was attracted to girl-Cas. Not really.
She was hot. Kicked ass at demon fighting. And she had a really great rack.
But he was surprised that as she started becoming more he again, it wasn’t going away.
When Cas had first… well, changed, it had been like being given a free license to ogle. Castiel didn’t mind nor care that Dean was perpetually staring at him. Her. What the fuck ever.
And Cas had outright been playing with those things. Of course she had just been figuring them out, examining them, but it didn’t really matter. What mattered is they were there and they were getting an awful lot of attention.
But they were going ‘down’ now, and Cas was becoming more masculine again. He stopped wearing the bra. His hair was shrinking, he was growing just a hint of stubble and his voice was losing its husky sex phone operator tone and getting back its… husky sex phone operator tone.
Dean was gonna have to think about that one for a moment.
Right now, Cas looked like some kind of hermaphrodite, caught in between two worlds. Both were attractive but a strange mixture of the two of them was not.
Dean couldn’t stop staring.
It was like Cas being girl-Cas and Dean staring at him-her broke some kind of seal and now he couldn’t put the genie back in the bottle.
He watched as Cas flipped through an old tome, carefully running his finger over the ancient words.
Sam cleared his throat. Then again. Then a third time.
Not realizing it was empty of water, Dean pushed bottle at him without looking over.
Sam chucked it back at him and it bounced off his head with a thwomp.
“Dude! What the hell?”
“Dean, you’re staring at her-him.”
While Cas was ‘in between’ they were sort of using both pronouns to describe him-her.
“So?”
“So?” repeated Sam. “Knock it off or go over there and… fuck, I don’t even know.”
“Shut up.”
***
Dean was pretty sure that Cas was back to normal now. Yesterday Cas had smoothed his shirt down over his chest and nary a boob had been seen.
His hair was back to its regular length and that was kind of a shame since it had this sort of whacked out thing going on two days ago that was really cool.
His eyelashes were the same length. Dean supposed they’d always been that long but he never noticed before.
He couldn’t stop staring.
“Soooooooo,” Dean drawled and Castiel looked up from the text he was reading. “Everything’s back to normal?”
“To what are you referring?” asked Castiel, eyebrows drawn.
Dean made a vague gesture. “Girl parts, boy parts. All where they should be?”
Castiel tilted his head. “I believe so.”
Dean’s eyebrows went up. “Believe so? You mean you don’t know?”
Castiel was giving him that look that said Dean had gone insane some time ago and Castiel was only now trying to figure out how to tell him.
“The mammary glands were the most obvious and they have… retracted.”
Dean nodded. “And everything… else?”
Castiel thought carefully for a moment. “I think this vessel has returned to its original state.”
“Good,” nodded Dean. “That’s… good.”
***
Their next hunt ended up being cleansing a house full of poltergeists. The ghosts had been quite friendly it seems up until the apocalypse started when they went apeshit.
After it was all over, Castiel, Sam and Dean were limping back to the car when Castiel placed his hand on Dean’s shoulder.
“You okay Cas?” asked Dean, concern lacing his voice.
“It hurts more to be kicked in the groin than struck in the mammary glands,” Cas said gravely.
Dean winced in sympathy.
That debate was now settled.
***
“You’ve been staring at me.”
Dean flinched at Cas’ tone and then decided to give sarcasm a go. “Hello, Pot? Kettle for you on line one.”
Castiel scrunched up his face in mild confusion. Dean huffed.
“I have not,” Dean protested.
“You have.”
“Have not.”
“Dean.”
The sound Dean made was stuck in between embarrassment and exasperation.
“Look, maybe for a while, just a little bit, I was distracted by your girl parts.” Dean didn’t look up as he continued to flip through all the channels the motel offered. He cycled through the thirteen channels of garbage and then started over again at the bottom.
Castiel was standing by the door and Dean couldn’t help feeling a little trapped. Sam was at local coffee shop, shamelessly abusing their wifi so he could troll the internet looking for a new case. Castiel moved from the door and stood in front of the tv.
“Dude. You make a better door than a window.”
Castiel shifted hesitantly between his feet. “I wish to know why you are staring at me.”
“I told you, I’m not…Forget it.” Dean swung his legs off the bed and crossed over to the little kitchenette, opened the tiny fridge and took out a beer. He couldn’t stop his eyebrows from raising when Castiel followed him and did the same.
Dean cracked the top of his and leaned against the counter. After a quick study, Castiel mirrored his actions.
“You know, Sammy used to do something similar when he was little. First I would do something then he would do it. Or I would say something and then he would repeat it. I’m telling you now, it’s annoying as fuck and if you try it, I will hit you.”
“Why are you staring at me Dean?”
The label of Dean’s bear bottle suddenly became the most interesting thing in the world. “I dunno.”
Castiel appeared thoughtful for a moment. “It has been my experience that quite often when people know something but do not wish to admit they know, they say they do not know.”
“I told you not to watch anymore Dr. Phil, Jesus. I don’t go around asking you why you stare at me.”
“I stare at you because I like looking at you.”
“I didn’t ask.” He didn’t know why he was so uncomfortable.
“No, you didn’t.” Cas took a long pull from his beer and out of the corner of his eye Dean watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down. It was incongruous and almost ridiculous and he suddenly had that Elvis song stuck in his head, Now or Never stupid lyrics telling him stupid stuff that was stupid.
Castiel waited patiently while Dean worked out carefully in his head what he thought he might want to say.
Dean picked at the label of his bottle. “Maybe I like looking at you too.” The words were pushed out in a weird, quick mumble.
Castiel nodded thoughtfully.
“Would you… If I…” Dean stammered. “Because I could maybe…”
He was cut off by the sudden press of Cas’ lips to his. It was awkward and strange and Dean stupidly kept his eyes open and he must have looked horrendously cross eyed as he starred at Cas’ blurry form in front of him.
Cas pulled back and then returned to his casual lean on the counter.
“What… I was… oh,” Dean managed.
“I was curious.”
“Oh.”
“I kissed the prostitute, Chastity, as well. Or rather, she kissed me. This was different.”
“Fuck, I hope so. Wait. Different good or different bad?”
Castiel pondered. “Different good.”
Dean nodded. “Good.” He turned and stepped so he was in front of Cas. Cas looked at him questioningly. Seriously.
And then he started talking again. “I understand the mechanics, of course and while Jimmy still inhabited this body, I had access to his memories. It’s different in practice.”
Dean set his beer bottle down on the counter behind Castiel and then took Cas’ beer out of his fingers and set it aside also. Castiel’s eyes tracked Dean’s movements casually, with mild interest. Dean made a sort of ‘mm-hmm’ sound.
“Recalling the information still leaves most of my faculties free but actually experiencing it is-”
Dean cut him off with a kiss and not just a press of the lips. Dean fit both of his hands on either side of Castiel’s face and leaned right into Cas’ body, pressing their hips together. Cas’ hands came up and grabbed first at Dean’s elbows and then tugged at Dean’s hips. Dean’s lips worked over Cas, first softy and then more insistent and when Cas started to mirror the movements back, Dean slid his tongue across the seam of Castiel’s lip and then waited. A second later he felt the hot slip of Cas’ tongue against his own lips and tickle of desire ran down his core. Dean opened his lips and let Cas’ tongue tentatively investigate the inside of his mouth before returning the favor a little more skillfully. Like teenagers they got caught up in necking, hands roaming over each other restlessly.
“Dean,” Castiel finally said.
Dean pulled back slightly and even though he’d been pretty involved in kissing Castiel, he was surprised to see Castiel’s hair was mussed even more and his lips were a pink and spit-slick.
“You’re aware that I am no longer in possession of a female body?” Castiel’s eyes were a little tight and nervous.
Dean chuckled. “Yeah, pretty aware,” he said as he rolled his hips against Castiel and felt Cas’ erection through his pants, letting Cas feel his matching one.
“I wasn’t certain… if perhaps…”
“I just like you. Just you. Don’t get me wrong, the outside’s pretty nice too, but… you’re underneath it.”
“Your outsides are also aesthetically pleasing, but I too admire what is beneath the surface.”
Dean figured that was Cas’ version of sexy talk. It kinda made Dean grin like an idiot. He frowned as he felt something poking at him from Cas trenchcoat. Well, something else, other than Cas. Dean reached in and pulled it out.
It was a white, frilly laced bra.
“What - ? Did you keep this?”
“I didn’t know what to do with it. It’s perfectly fine. I wasn’t sure if I should discard it or not.”
“So you put it in your pocket?”
“Where else would I put it?”
***
Sam came back from the cafe and found Dean and Cas stretched out on one of the beds watching a really made movie of the week about a single mom who finds love again with a gruff ranch-hand after she takes over the family ranch.
What was weirder was they seem to be enjoying it.
They were both casual and relaxed. Dean’s hands were folded over his stomach. Cas had ditched the coat and the suit jacket and one of his hands was resting next to Dean’s thigh, just barely touching it.
Sam tossed the pizza down on the table and raised an eyebrow at Dean.
Dean glanced over and scowled. “Shut it. We’re an item now.” He jerked his thumb between him and Cas. “No back talk.”
Sam held up his hands in a gesture of compliance. “Uh, Cas, you want some pizza?”
Cas smiled at him and that’s the first time Sam’s seen his teeth without a grimace of pain involved. “No, thank you, Sam.”
Sam paused. “I thought all your girl parts were gone.”
“They are.”
“Oh.” Sam nodded. “Okay then. There any beer left?”
“Fridge,” Dean said as he tilted his head toward it and rolled off the bed to grab a slice of pizza. “Grab me one.”
Sam eyeballed him as he set the beer down in front of Dean. Dean didn’t even look up as he plowed into the pizza. Cas continued to watch how the young mother fared now that a drought was upon the ranch. Sam looked from Dean to Cas and back to Dean.
“You’re an enigma wrapped in a mystery, aren’t you?” said Sam.
“Shut it bitch.”