A Cleansing Experience
I hate taking showers. I do enjoy the whole getting washed up and smelling good part, but overall there is too much drama with showering.
First there is the whole turning the shower on. No matter how many times it happens, I seem to always end up with cold water hitting my head. How is this? This happens because my husband never turns the shower off; he simply turns the hot and cold water off. I naturally turn the water on before turning the shower, and I'm greeted with the not yet warm, but often very cold water. This is never an issue for him, because he is tall, and tall people have long arms. I on the other hand am short, and so my head becomes the perfect target as I lean in. Hooray. Sometimes I remember he does this, and I'm able to avoid it, but it still catches me off guard more times than I like. What's worse is when it happens, and I had no intention of showering, like when I'm washing something out or starting a bath for the boys.
Giving the boys a bath brings me to the next part of my issue with showering. We buy our hair care products in bulk from Costco, and they come in large containers with pumps on them. The problem with this is that when the boys play in the bath they will pump all the product out the second you turn your back. To resolve this issue we now remove the containers from the tub, and place them onto the back of the toilet. What ends up happening because of this is that I won't remember they are there until I am in the shower and already wet. So then I usually call on Aaron to get them for me, only to get a weird look because he is tall and can actually reach these from the shower when it happens to him. Now God forbid I attempt to lean out and do that because I will slip over the tub, fall onto the floor, and most likely take the entire shower curtain and rod down with me. If Aaron isn't home when this happens I normally have to hop out and retrieve the items as quickly as I can, while also trying not to slip on the floor. Sometimes I really think slipping in that bathroom will end up being my demise. I truly do.
Now if all this isn't enough there is also the issue of privacy or rather the lack of. I never have any privacy anymore; comes with the job of being a mom and all. Almost every time I shower Aidan will want to shower with me. He loves to shower and will badger me about it as much as he can. He will often undress and barge in, even after I tell him no. This normally is an issue when Aaron isn't home since I have no backup, and also because I keep the door open when I am the only one home; in case I slip getting the shampoo of course. So Aidan will bother me the entire time by either getting in or whining outside the curtain. The issue I have with him joining me is that he is now three, and I feel he is a little old to be showering with his mom. I guess it just makes me uncomfortable now. It doesn't help that he seems to like mocking me about my lack of male parts, and he never fails to point out that I have breasts. It goes something like this: "You have no peeeeeeeeeniiisss AND you have boobies." Hooray for me.
If I can manage all of that with as little drama as possible, there is always after the shower. The boys have recently started to run by the doorway, shouting about my butt as I dry off. Apparently my butt is the funniest thing since burps and farts. They once ran around, encircling me while shouting, giggling, and pointing at my butt. This actually happened while I was on the phone, since I also seem to get important calls while in or immediately out of the shower. That's another issue entirely. So anyway, this harassment about my behind will continue as I head to my room and get dressed. During this time Aidan will also make sure I haven't forgotten I lack a penis and I have boobies. The harassment magically stops once said parts are covered by undergarments. My underwear brings peace. At least for a little while.
So that's why I hate showering. And also, I have boobs.
First there is the whole turning the shower on. No matter how many times it happens, I seem to always end up with cold water hitting my head. How is this? This happens because my husband never turns the shower off; he simply turns the hot and cold water off. I naturally turn the water on before turning the shower, and I'm greeted with the not yet warm, but often very cold water. This is never an issue for him, because he is tall, and tall people have long arms. I on the other hand am short, and so my head becomes the perfect target as I lean in. Hooray. Sometimes I remember he does this, and I'm able to avoid it, but it still catches me off guard more times than I like. What's worse is when it happens, and I had no intention of showering, like when I'm washing something out or starting a bath for the boys.
Giving the boys a bath brings me to the next part of my issue with showering. We buy our hair care products in bulk from Costco, and they come in large containers with pumps on them. The problem with this is that when the boys play in the bath they will pump all the product out the second you turn your back. To resolve this issue we now remove the containers from the tub, and place them onto the back of the toilet. What ends up happening because of this is that I won't remember they are there until I am in the shower and already wet. So then I usually call on Aaron to get them for me, only to get a weird look because he is tall and can actually reach these from the shower when it happens to him. Now God forbid I attempt to lean out and do that because I will slip over the tub, fall onto the floor, and most likely take the entire shower curtain and rod down with me. If Aaron isn't home when this happens I normally have to hop out and retrieve the items as quickly as I can, while also trying not to slip on the floor. Sometimes I really think slipping in that bathroom will end up being my demise. I truly do.
Now if all this isn't enough there is also the issue of privacy or rather the lack of. I never have any privacy anymore; comes with the job of being a mom and all. Almost every time I shower Aidan will want to shower with me. He loves to shower and will badger me about it as much as he can. He will often undress and barge in, even after I tell him no. This normally is an issue when Aaron isn't home since I have no backup, and also because I keep the door open when I am the only one home; in case I slip getting the shampoo of course. So Aidan will bother me the entire time by either getting in or whining outside the curtain. The issue I have with him joining me is that he is now three, and I feel he is a little old to be showering with his mom. I guess it just makes me uncomfortable now. It doesn't help that he seems to like mocking me about my lack of male parts, and he never fails to point out that I have breasts. It goes something like this: "You have no peeeeeeeeeniiisss AND you have boobies." Hooray for me.
If I can manage all of that with as little drama as possible, there is always after the shower. The boys have recently started to run by the doorway, shouting about my butt as I dry off. Apparently my butt is the funniest thing since burps and farts. They once ran around, encircling me while shouting, giggling, and pointing at my butt. This actually happened while I was on the phone, since I also seem to get important calls while in or immediately out of the shower. That's another issue entirely. So anyway, this harassment about my behind will continue as I head to my room and get dressed. During this time Aidan will also make sure I haven't forgotten I lack a penis and I have boobies. The harassment magically stops once said parts are covered by undergarments. My underwear brings peace. At least for a little while.
So that's why I hate showering. And also, I have boobs.