why does nothing help - trigger
hey all.
nothing is working, i'm trying everything i can think of, looking atmydiary cards at the skills trying to work out what else i can try, these feelings aren't going away,they just getting worse.
i don't want to sleep, becasue i just have nightmare after nightmare,although i've slept this week because of zopiclone, but the nighmares don't go away., only got on zopiclone left,so one more night of sleep (if you can call it that). but at the same time i don't want to stay awake cause i just have flashbacks and loose time.
why does every school round here have to be so obvious when its sports day? i HATE sports day,not because i was shit at sport and hated teh day anyway (which is true) but its the day that i had to goand talk to the social worker and the police.with them being not very easy (teh whoel its your choice if you want your parents here, but it would be such an inconvieniance for us if yo don't) it plays over and over in my mind. but once that one happens its like a flood gate, the rest start. no break.
all i want is some peace and tostop me from being so evil...andthe onlyway i know to do this is to stop me being in life. the tiny little bit of me that doesn't want this is so scared. but right now it honestly feels like a "when" not an if it will happen.
ok its nowsunday evening, i've hiddenall day, parly cause i had a headache and didn't trust myself taking painkillers. ujus twant t ohide from the world perminantly.
sorry
love
lucy
nothing is working, i'm trying everything i can think of, looking atmydiary cards at the skills trying to work out what else i can try, these feelings aren't going away,they just getting worse.
i don't want to sleep, becasue i just have nightmare after nightmare,although i've slept this week because of zopiclone, but the nighmares don't go away., only got on zopiclone left,so one more night of sleep (if you can call it that). but at the same time i don't want to stay awake cause i just have flashbacks and loose time.
why does every school round here have to be so obvious when its sports day? i HATE sports day,not because i was shit at sport and hated teh day anyway (which is true) but its the day that i had to goand talk to the social worker and the police.with them being not very easy (teh whoel its your choice if you want your parents here, but it would be such an inconvieniance for us if yo don't) it plays over and over in my mind. but once that one happens its like a flood gate, the rest start. no break.
all i want is some peace and tostop me from being so evil...andthe onlyway i know to do this is to stop me being in life. the tiny little bit of me that doesn't want this is so scared. but right now it honestly feels like a "when" not an if it will happen.
ok its nowsunday evening, i've hiddenall day, parly cause i had a headache and didn't trust myself taking painkillers. ujus twant t ohide from the world perminantly.
sorry
love
lucy