now with bonus author talk!
So, I hit well over ten thousand words for Blink, which I feel grants me the pretentious right to Talk About It and the Themes/the Batman Mythos generally. There were a lot of things I was uncomfortable with in this story, style and context wise, and I wish I hadn't rushed it so much in a few ways--but I also feel that if I hadn't rushed, I might have not finished. So...I am going to summarize and caps lock my own story here a little, and explain some stuff. There will be lulz, because I cannot take myself seriously for too long. And I wrote some lines that crack my shit up.
Let me say first that I wrote this whole story kinda-sorta on a dare, or what I perceived as a challenge. Over in my prompt post I said:
Bats/Owlman...the last one is purely hypothetical; I don't think I've seen it done.
and endcredits, who is glory herself, said:
Bruce blurts out an incredulous laugh when he sees Owlman. Owlman really, really doesn't like people laughing at him; nor does he like someone else wearing his face. Owlman draws an owlarang and prepares to slice. "Who's laughing now?"
And, SHIT, man, it was ON.
[edit: ALSO, I gave myself a rule of "NO INTERNET UNTIL YOU FINISH PART FIVE" towards the end. Do you know what I did? I STAYED OFF THE INTERNET, because apparently not even Batman can stop me from procrastination. I MADE THREE MOSS TERRAINUMS WHILE AVOIDING THIS STORY. THREE.]
PART ONE:
So Wayne Enterprises gets some quantum tech and someone wants to steal the shit of out it, but Bats as like, HELL NO, and puts it away in his batcave.
It had occurred to Bruce, late one night as he tried and failed to sleep--what if someone wanted it because it worked? And if it worked, then, somewhere--
He pushed thoughts of his parents out of his head.
You know when, as a writer, you have one of those brief shining moments when you're like, BRILLIANT?
That is me when I was like, "duh! given the power of dimension hopping, Batman would go get a hug from Mommy and Daddy!"
I then proceeded to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING with this insight. Go me.
We then flip to OWLMAN POV, which is present tense. Just fucking because. I wanted the syntax to reflect the universe switch, okay?
So Owlman is gliding around and shit, being all, I AM THE NIGHT, wondering where his clown is, all the usual jazz.
His senses are keen and his eyes are sharp as he glides over and through his city--putrid thing that it is, soggy and dirty like a paper castle kicked into a puddle...
I like this.
I actually pretty much like all of the short time we spend here in Owlman's headspace, actually.
PART TWO
Flip back to BAT POV, now also in the present tense. Basically, Bats is like, WTF, GUYS?
The fact that he's in Crime Alley clicks after maybe thirty seconds, and the dizzying thought that there's possibly an inevitability to the cowl and the cape, some sort of order, isn't fast or strong enough to overwhelm that grief that hits the back of his throat like bile
I think that the Joker would have the exact opposite reaction--of COURSE there's a cosmic inevitability. Nine times out of ten, shit's gonna go down a certain way--gun shots and the clitter-clack of pearls on a damp alley street...
Everything is slightly different, slightly off--no, not everything, he corrects himself, but enough is wrong that the right parts seem all the more out of place because of it.
The not quite overlapping geography I mention earlier is meant to suggest Lovecraftian level fuckery, strange geometries and all, but…
In retrospect, I am pretty sure I subconsciously took this from Stephen King's The Dark Tower series, because at some point they're in the place from The Stand or some shit and everyone's like, THE CAR COMPANIES ARE WRONG.
The Dark Tower is one of those things I have a strange relationship with. On one hand, I must be a fan--I keep on reading it. On the other hand, I am CONSTANTLY APPALLED, for reasons too spoiler-y to get into. I think I'm partially fascinated by how it's this meta thing where all of King's stories meet, and I think that says a lot about the authorship process? Iunno.
The Gunslinger is the best part of the series. Opening sentence is brilliant.
The thing that followed him doesn't blend into the shadows quite like he does. There's a metallic gleam, silver in the moonlight, that has little in common with the matte black on his own body. It's not just the colors, though--there's a certain sense of purpose to all that bulk, an arrogance in the lines of the shoulders just appearing as their owner scoffs and apparently decides he doesn't need the darkness, stepping out from the shadows entirely.
I like this a lot. Owlsie CAN stealth like Bats, I think, but he doesn't need to, or WANT to, because he's very much a public presence in a way Bats is not, and that's reflected in his movement and costume and everything.
I also like to think of non nihilist Owlman as being the sum of all the arrogance Bats doesn't feel.
Two wrists beat one, so Bruce forces Owlman's arm back as he ducks and then twists.
Two wrists do; try this if you're ever being menaced with a knife or something. Or run away. That works, too.
Or pull out your auxiliary back up knife...
What do you mean, you do not HAVE an auxiliary back up knife?
Mistah J and I tsk at you.
Anyway, then Bats and Owlsie fight some. Batman is all LOOK, MISUNDERSTANDINGS, REASONABLE THINGS, LOGIC!!
and Owlman is like
WHY YOU HAVE MY FACE, MOTHERFUCKER?
It's hard to convey different fighting styles via text.
Bats also spends the fight marveling at how fucking knifey Owlman is, and trying to not remember the Joker. Awww, Batsy. <3 YOU AND YOUR SCHOOLBOY CRUSH.
"You don't have to kill me. I'm you!"
"No," Owlman says shortly, "You're not. I know you're not." He makes a grab for Bruce's arm, misses, snatches the other one quickly, and twists it until he hears something pop out of place, smiles grimly at the sweet, musical sound. "I know you're not, because I'm not such a pussy."
Yes, I wanted someone to legit call Batman a pussy at some point. WHAT.
At nearly the same moment they look into each other's faces, and they both blink.
The title could be from here. Or from how I refer to Bats blinking in or out of time/space. But no, the title comes from the totally unrelated climatic Batman/Owlman end scene in JLA: Crisis on Two Earths. You can youtube it, but I kind of don't think you should because the movie spends every moment leading up to the fucking epic verbal smackdown Bats gives Owlsie.
Warning: there is no Jokester. D: I know!
Anyway, the boys unmask. I like to think that even in their gear looks different, they have the same basic blueprint, which is why the latches are in the same places.
LATCHES, PLACEMENT OF. I bother to make a point with this later? IDK, man. DETAILS. It’s like I want to prove I was paying attention to my own story! Fancy that!
I then describe the slight differences in their faces, which is another GO ME moment in my head, but honestly it comes down to: Owlman sees mercy in those baby blue eyes, and he hates that.
PART THREEEEEEE:
"Owls eat bats," Owlman sneers, "What, did you fall into that cave and latch on to the first thing that ever frightened you? Pathetic. You let yourself be assimilated when you could have conquered. You could have looked for something stronger." Just like that, the mystery and the awe are apparently dismissed (accept strangeness to kill it-Owlman is nothing if not a pragmatist), and his hand shoots to Bruce's belt, knowing exactly where to go, pulling out a batarang, brandishing it in the light. "Aw, how cute. You even put little pointy ears on it."
That is basically my Owlman, right there. Everything about him, you can extrapolate from this speech.
Also, this is the point where they start talking shit about each other's gear, WHICH I LOVE.
"And you know what else? I'm going to kill you with your own little toy."
Menace! I dig it, okay?
"The pointy ears," Owlman informs him even as he lowers his stance, ready to lunge, maybe bury the blade in Batman's thigh, hitting the artery there, "Are the stupidest fucking thing I have ever seen in my whole entire life."
I LOVE THIS, OHMYGOD. ALMOST AS MUCH AS:
"Owlarangs?" is all Batman can bring himself to say, for a moment, sweeping out a leg for another kick, dashing in to cut across Owlman's thigh, "That's ridiculous. If you do have a Joker, you make his banter easy for him, don't you?"
WHICH I LOVE ALMOST, BUT DEFINITELY NOT AS MUCH AS:
"And you don't call this useless hunk of metal a batarang?" Owlman grunts, falling back, watching Bruce's body intently.
"It at least makes some sense!" Bruce screams, "From boomerang. At least batarang starts with a fucking B!"
LOLOLOL I want an icon with that, holy shit. This is by far the most amusing line I have written for myself, ever. Dear god. That probably means it's AWFUL and I should take it out, but: LULZ.
FUCKING B.
Back to srs!business:
But it's still his fucking face, and he still feels boiling rage each time he sees it on someone else. The expression is wrong, wrong, wrong--where most people would see steely resolve, he knows his face well enough to see wounded dog eyes.
And perfect fucking eyelashes around those baby blues.
It infuriates him, seeing the weakness there, the softness where he is hard. It's his face, a good face, and this two bit asshole is ruining it and using it all wrong.
Basically, yeah.
And then, ohahah, this was so hard to do, Owlman gets the upper hand. And it is non-con time.
The idea of Batman struggling and feeling so tremendously overpowered excites him, actually, so he leaves his wrists free so Batman can feel how helpless he is. It will only increase the guilt, the self blame. Owlman can see that Batman, whatever else he may be, believes in shame.
And that's something that doing this with the--to the--clown can't give him.
One of the many Jokester shout outs, to establish that, yes, in this 'verse, the Owl and the clown fuck. Often enough for the mental slip of "with" rather than "to." It's a thing. I like their thing. I will write some of their thing someday.
Sometimes he remembers how knives weren't always his favorite, how it took carving something special in someone's face to get him to an appreciation for the simple sharp wedge that borders on the fanatical
and AGAIN. HI, HI, THIS IS EARTH-3, IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING? YEEEAH.
Anyway, uh.
THEN OWLMAN RAPES BATMAN.
*hides eyes*
Seriously, this gave me so much trouble. So, so much trouble. I think I avoided it for a week, and each time I went running--nearly every day, basically--I thought about this and how I was avoiding it and I was consumed with guilt/anxiety.
And then I sat down and churned out some overnight nastiness where Owlman fucks Batman using his own blood as lube.
I don't even wanna know, self.
Movin' on: orgasms, reversal, Batman gets away.
PART FOUR:
Batman runs away in a sequence I really felt I should have put more time into. Honestly, it is *painfully* obvious where the transition scenes are, and I feel bad about it. At the same time, I think Batman feeling cornered and running is interesting, and I didn't want to just skip ahead to the Deus ex Machina...
Oh, HALLO, Jokester. You're here to save the day?
J: Yes! Here to save you from writing yourself into corners! *snappy salute*
Yep. Sooo.
I did want Batman and the Jokester to meet, though--that was essential to me, for the repeated mercy thing. I wanted the brutality that Batman receives from, essentially, himself, to be contrasted with the softness the Jokester gives him, and later on, the mercy-violence the Joker gives him.
And I don't think Batman would assume Earth 3's clown was a good guy, so I wanted him to be all, "OH SHIT" at first.
He expects another knife at his mouth. This universe's counterpart has the Owl for company; he has no reason to spare the Batman. He is extraneous here, or worse. In his own world, he doesn't doubt the Joker would take his time picking Owlman apart, to get some mad insight into what makes Batman tick. Same parts, same model, different paint job, says the voice he imagines in his head, while his knife spills rubies that look like bolts and gears to the madman.
Favorite passage? Quite likely.
And I do think the Joker would try and kill the shit out of Owlman after a trial run. In my head, the fascination doesn't extend all ways: Jokester would dig Bats, Owlie, and his alterna-self; Owlsie would spare both clowns for his own reasons, but is obvs willing to kill Batman; the Joker would let his alterna-self go free and then ideally toy with Owlman and then kill him as a substitute for killing Batsy.
Batman would never kill anybody, but there you go. That is how my boy rolls.
Also, everyone but Batman totally thinks about fucking everyone else. ORGY, WHAT.
Someone write that, plz.
"If you're going to kill me--"
"Kill?" he says, puzzled, "Honeydew, moonbeam. I think you've got me confused with someone else. I don't kill."
I obviously LOVE lathering on the petnames, but honeydew is traditionally a favorite of mine, and MOONBEAM is so what I now picture the Joker using for Batsy. MOONBEAM. Because: bats, nights, etc.
MOONBEAM.
C'mon, it's cute. You know it.
"By the way, Talon came by, quick as a hop and a skip, and took old Birdie-Bird in. He'll be just fine."
My silent justification for mixing timelines: I think Earth-3 is ahead of, er, the vague Nolanverse I work in. TIME IS WEIRD WHEN YOU DIMENSION HOP, OKAY.
"Your, mm, ensemble is even worse than Owlsie's, though, I gotta say. All black. Tsk. Do you lock yourself up in your room and listen to The Cure when you get back from school?"
Emo Batman totally listens to the Cure, mmkay. Endcredits and I agree; therefore, it must be true.
"You want me to figure out how to dimension hop you to the proper when and where? Send you skipping through the multiverses to end up safe and sound?" the Jokster sounds amused again. "Well, if that's all..."
HANDWAVE HANDWAVE LAH LAH LAH.
Look, if anyone can do it? It's the Jokester.
Anyway: THEY KISS.
This clown tastes of greasepaint and lipstick and a minty something or other. Maybe gum. Maybe mentos. Maybe mint lifesavers. It is definitely not real mint. The artifice of it is somehow comforting, like bubble gum flavored medicine that doesn’t taste too bad, or honey-lemon throat lozenges.
Yes, I wanted him to taste like MEDICINE because he makes Batman feel better. Yeah, okay. Cheese, what now?
I also wanted to set up for the differences in how the clowns taste, because I think the Joker would taste bitterly, uh...visceral. I don't know how to say, except: the OPPOSITE of artificial mint. I want to say "human things," but I want to never describe the Joker as human.
Sour breath and spit and blood: that is what a Joker kiss tastes like.
But not bad, I don't think.
"It takes a tender touch, what can I say? Magic fingers." He wiggles his digits in front of Batman's face.
Yes.
Somewhere out there is a hurt Owl, and that's going to make for some interesting pay back, some day soon. Showing up at the end of the confrontation means he knows exactly where the knife wound is.
That kiss, though--
Well.
Somewhere, sometime, it happens again.
That's enough, maybe.
The story COULD end here, happily, and in a way, it does. The Earth-3 fanfic version does, I think: for that audience, what else could there be?
But for the rest of us, there is, dun dun duuuuuuuunnnnnnnn,
PART FIIIIIVE:
Hilariously, I originally thought of this as the "epilogue." Oh, hahaha, what a naive little thing I am. It's THE LONGEST PART.
Anyway, so. Batman blinks back into his when-and-where, mostly, except he almost dies crawling into his house and he finds out he's been gone for three weeks. What did I TELL you? Time works weird while dimension-hopping.
In the Brave and the Bold episode with Owlman, I think it's two weeks. Either way.
Again, this is one of those parts I feel the "filler" is obvious and it kind of makes me squirm, but I didn't feel anything worked without it. On my daily jog--clearly where I do most of my thinking--I contemplated implementing a new rule, mainly: if it bores you to write, it will bore them to read.
But even though I avoid them like hell, when I finally buckle down and do them, I find them essential. I don't think it's a matter of keeping everything I do--in other works I chip great big passages out--but...
I don't know. It might be an AWESOME rule. I shall experiment.
The point is: Alfred, I'm SORRY, and one day I will give you time to shine. ILU, Alfie. Okay?
Anyway: BATMAN ANGST.
And then he decides to break into Arkham, because, what the hell. Who ELSE is he going to chat about shadow selves and alternate dimensions with, seriously? Also, the last time Owlman hurt him, a clown offered comfort, and Batsy's reaching, a little. Yearning, if you will.
"You need something," the Joker said blandly, eventually, "Or, or, oh, can it be?" He straightened up, grinning at Batman, "After who-knows-how-long of marinating in your own misery, have you come to put me down like the dog I am, hmm? Is it rule one achey-breaky time?" The Joker wriggled with, presumably, glee.
The Joker ALWAYS wriggles with glee when he considers that it might finally be that time, and he considers it constantly . UNF UNF UNF, basically, is how he feels about it--UNNNNFFFF.
"I came to talk," Batman said, slowly.
"With your fists?" the Joker squinted at him, "Those are your usual conversational organs, right?"
I lol'd.
I basically approve of all the dialog I wrote here, so let's skip ahead:
"I think about lots of things being true."
EMPEROR JOKER REFERENCE, YESSSSSS. Check.
"We'd have a hell of a time. Compare knives, swap stories--trade bat baiting techniques...ask him if he thought it counted as mastur--"
There must always be moments of frat boy humor in everything I write. Again: I lol'd. I do a LOT of things for the lulz.
"No." His voice was flat. "You don't have that. Don't even think about it."
Joker is offended by the idea that Batman's gotten it all wrong. AGAIN. Kinda--
J: NONONONO, sweetheart--I'M your dramatic foil. Don't go outside of the relationship for that, y'know? It's rude.
It's like that, yeah.
"What did he do to you?" the Joker asked, into the resulting quiet, pushing himself onto his knees, squinting across the shadows, "Don't look like that--I hate it when you look like that and the reason isn't me."
That sound you hear is me going unf, quietly. unfunfunf.
I'm gonna stop picking dialog out, because: I like it here, I really do.
OH SHIT, except for--
"He said he doesn't kill."
"They can't all be winners," the Joker acknowledged
because I love that. Snappy, Mistah Jay, snappy.
Anyway: STUFF, things, talking. Y'all should read it! You know, if you haven't already.
Joker then gets pissed because he realizes Batman is so unable to deal with the Owlman related shame that he wants someone familiar to do him harm, because he knows how to deal with that.
THAT MIGHT NOT BE CLEAR.
It is at this point in the writing that I caught a cold.
Anyway, Joker doesn't like, at least at first, Batman being all broody and unresisting and lying back and taking it while thinking of England Owlman, so he's like, get the fuck out.
I like the image of the Joker coiled in the corner, his back to Batman, squeezing his eyes shut like it'll make him go away. I think it implies that sometimes he conjures a hallucination!Batman to keep him company, and manages to get into disagreements with him.
I'm going to reuse this.
SHORT ALFRED INTERLUDE. It's awful. Alfred, I'm sorry.
More interlude, Batman does his ritual purification death shit.
Aaand we're at Arkham again.
The Joker has a lot of makeshift shanks. He's been saving them for something like this. I picture him hoarding sharp things for months and months on the off chance Batman visits him and wants to play. A boy has to be ready, you know?
I like the opening image--the straightjacket, newly slaughtered, and the Joker rising to his feet, ready for Batman. Fuckin' bring it, bitch.
Too late, Batman realized that it was a feint--
Joker's tricking you into closing the distance, yo.
"You're so hard-headed, Bat-brain...It's not good versus evil. It's not even order against chaos. It's you and me, and I do for you what you can't do to yourself. And that means mercy."
J: Hello, author. Thank you for blatantly using me as your mouthpiece with the gentle caress of an anvil.
YOU'RE WELCOME, BB.
I liiike the agent of chaos thing; I really do. Long before nihilist Owlman was giving me a girl-on, anarchist Joker was doing it (and let's not ever get my former poli sci self on the clear class struggle depicted in TDK--Bruce Wayne's billions verus the Joker's "they're cheap," UNF UNF UNF. Nolan brothers, have you EVER got my number). But all the same; he's the goddamn Joker and you can't believe every detail of the speech he gives good ole Harv. He's Card 0; the Fool; the Lord of Misrule and a Trickster god incarnate--but he's not actually doing shit at random. He has plans--to disrupt the plans of others.
OR: look, it took some doing on Loki's part to get the mistletoe and the blind guy to kill Balder.
OR: Effective opposition to order isn't wed to first impulses. True chaos isn't bound to the idea of never lining up nicely.
But the mercy theme!
It's a thing. Batman is ruthless sometimes, but mostly to HIMSELF. Owlman's aggression is really only a physical manifestation of the same haunting guilt. I think my Batman has a tiny spark of a death wish--earlier, Owlman taunts him for trying to commit suicide by crime, and yeah, a little, not to put too fine a point on it.
I like fic where the Joker's just mean enough to Batman--outside of the grand plans that require lots of slaughter--to give Bats an excuse to go exactly what he wants without feeling bad.
Aand, I like that the Jokester shows Batman the mercy Owlman won't give him, and so Batman's kind of counting on the Joker to help him externalize the hatred, by replacing the old wound with a new (kinder, but fresher) one.
So I like to think this isn't quite a "LOL the healing power of COCK on sexual abuse victims" story, because...there's not healing, as such-such. There's just a more acceptable wound.
Also, to be totes frank? Joker doesn't like that Owlsie got there first, and he wants Bats to stop thinking about it.
Oh, and here's basically an in-story recap of what I just said:
"You kill yourself here and there, slower or faster. Owlsie doing a number on you there isn't much different from the way you let your guilt eat you up from inside here. You don't like that, though."
J: So that weird feeling I’ve been having is your hand up my ass as you use me as a puppet?
YESSIR.
"I didn't really want to, uh, do it this way--not our first time--but you're so demanding and I'm just that accommodating..."
The blade was carefully fit between Batman's lips. He froze, remembering an owlarang in the same place.
I also have this crazy idea that you can view Bats/Owls/the clowns as being a ying-and-yang deal split FOUR ways. Owlman is lots of bad Batman things with some Joker traits. The Jokester is a lot of Batman things dressed up in Joker MO. Like that. Four parts of the whole.
"Don't move or I'll carve you up and you'll have to redesign the mask, blah blah blah," the Joker said.
Aww, how cute. They're role playing their usual encounters, see?
No, really, the Joker's all about creating a narrative Batman can live with.
"And I'll blow up a hospice," the Joker added, "And hospice and an orphanage." His free hand crept up Batman's chest. "You wouldn't want that, would you?"
In case this isn't perfectly clear, there is no hospice and no orphanage. See above about the narrative deal.
Nimble fingers bothered to find the clasps on his armor, though the Joker did have to carefully search for them
SEE, I BOTHERED TO BRING UP LATCHES/CLASPS AGAIN. Not everyone just knows how to get the batsuit off.
"Smart, sweet Batsy. Always prepared."
The Joker is the meta mouthpiece through which we fans can---
J: HAND. OUT OF MY ASS. NOW.
Ahem.
Some sex scene, with penetration as punctuation.
Which sounds like of snappy when you phrase it that way, actually.
the spaces between words were filled with little shushing noises
I lovelovelove that bit in the movie when he's all 'shh shh shh shh,' managing to make shushing very violent and creepy. But he could probably tone the creepy down a little, right? ...Right?
You think it's an ouroboros, but it's not. Eating your own tail might work for a snake, but not for a bat. Or whatever your nocturnal flying vermin of choice may be.
This is one of those places where I wince really, really hard in retrospect.
OUROBOROS? OUROBOROS? SERIOUSLY, SELF? Are you gonna have them talk about Odin or, fuck, riot grrrl bands next? Maybe robot dinosaurs? How self indulgent can your lines GET? OUROBOROS? In a BATMAN story?
Who the fuck do you think you are--Grant Morrison?
(aha)
For a long while, the only sounds in the cell were the small moans that escaped their lip locked desperation, as they both sucked at each other and bit and rocked together. Batman's hands had found the Joker's thighs, and their grip was tight until Batman realized what he was doing--pulling the Joker down closer to him; rocking his hips up to meet him--and stiffened, dropping his hands suddenly. They lay on the bunk uselessly, and the Joker pretended not to notice where they'd been. His only concession to the motion was to take a second to pin Batman's wrists over his head instead.
I think this passage sums up what I'm trying to do here, with the rape-that-isn't-quite-what-it-looks-like. It's pain to fix worse pain, which is a warped kind of mercy, but it's a little gentle, too, and, most of all, the Joker's structuring it so Batman has at least some plausible deniability.
"Think of all the people I've killed..." His breath was warm over Batman's mouth, "Not to run this town, not for money, just...because..."
Think of how Owlman does things for a REASON, and the Joker doesn't for any reason you understand--
Because I think Batman kind of gets Owlman's M.O., which horrifies him further.
Again: I DID NOTHING WITH THIS INSIGHT.
"But it's okay if I hurt you, right? That's what you expect." A touch of scorn entered his tone, though it almost sounded affectionate, "That's how the plan goes."
ALL PART OF THE PLAN.
I like the image, a little further down, of the Joker hiding his face in the crook of Batman's neck as they fuck, hot and sweaty and secret, keeping his undone expression to himself, in a way, and giving it to Batman by pressing into his skin in another way.
Again, I am gonna reuse this. And I know where, too! (hint: where. were. weeere. awwwooooooooooo.)
"Now, uh, let's see, here..." the Joker's shank tapped against his teeth, as he peered down at Batman thoughtfully
The Joker that lives in my head does this CONSTANTLY. He wanders around, knife out, tapping at his teeth while he muses and anticipates torturing Batman. It's THOUGHTFUL. I don't know. It just is. I think I may have mentioned this is nearly every Joker story I've done. FAVORITE MANNERISM.
The ULTIMATE THEME of this mess:
"Because no one knows you like I do, moonbeam. Not even you."
THAAANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT--
and I'll take my hand out of your ass now, Mistah J.
Let me say first that I wrote this whole story kinda-sorta on a dare, or what I perceived as a challenge. Over in my prompt post I said:
Bats/Owlman...the last one is purely hypothetical; I don't think I've seen it done.
and endcredits, who is glory herself, said:
Bruce blurts out an incredulous laugh when he sees Owlman. Owlman really, really doesn't like people laughing at him; nor does he like someone else wearing his face. Owlman draws an owlarang and prepares to slice. "Who's laughing now?"
And, SHIT, man, it was ON.
[edit: ALSO, I gave myself a rule of "NO INTERNET UNTIL YOU FINISH PART FIVE" towards the end. Do you know what I did? I STAYED OFF THE INTERNET, because apparently not even Batman can stop me from procrastination. I MADE THREE MOSS TERRAINUMS WHILE AVOIDING THIS STORY. THREE.]
PART ONE:
So Wayne Enterprises gets some quantum tech and someone wants to steal the shit of out it, but Bats as like, HELL NO, and puts it away in his batcave.
It had occurred to Bruce, late one night as he tried and failed to sleep--what if someone wanted it because it worked? And if it worked, then, somewhere--
He pushed thoughts of his parents out of his head.
You know when, as a writer, you have one of those brief shining moments when you're like, BRILLIANT?
That is me when I was like, "duh! given the power of dimension hopping, Batman would go get a hug from Mommy and Daddy!"
I then proceeded to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING with this insight. Go me.
We then flip to OWLMAN POV, which is present tense. Just fucking because. I wanted the syntax to reflect the universe switch, okay?
So Owlman is gliding around and shit, being all, I AM THE NIGHT, wondering where his clown is, all the usual jazz.
His senses are keen and his eyes are sharp as he glides over and through his city--putrid thing that it is, soggy and dirty like a paper castle kicked into a puddle...
I like this.
I actually pretty much like all of the short time we spend here in Owlman's headspace, actually.
PART TWO
Flip back to BAT POV, now also in the present tense. Basically, Bats is like, WTF, GUYS?
The fact that he's in Crime Alley clicks after maybe thirty seconds, and the dizzying thought that there's possibly an inevitability to the cowl and the cape, some sort of order, isn't fast or strong enough to overwhelm that grief that hits the back of his throat like bile
I think that the Joker would have the exact opposite reaction--of COURSE there's a cosmic inevitability. Nine times out of ten, shit's gonna go down a certain way--gun shots and the clitter-clack of pearls on a damp alley street...
Everything is slightly different, slightly off--no, not everything, he corrects himself, but enough is wrong that the right parts seem all the more out of place because of it.
The not quite overlapping geography I mention earlier is meant to suggest Lovecraftian level fuckery, strange geometries and all, but…
In retrospect, I am pretty sure I subconsciously took this from Stephen King's The Dark Tower series, because at some point they're in the place from The Stand or some shit and everyone's like, THE CAR COMPANIES ARE WRONG.
The Dark Tower is one of those things I have a strange relationship with. On one hand, I must be a fan--I keep on reading it. On the other hand, I am CONSTANTLY APPALLED, for reasons too spoiler-y to get into. I think I'm partially fascinated by how it's this meta thing where all of King's stories meet, and I think that says a lot about the authorship process? Iunno.
The Gunslinger is the best part of the series. Opening sentence is brilliant.
The thing that followed him doesn't blend into the shadows quite like he does. There's a metallic gleam, silver in the moonlight, that has little in common with the matte black on his own body. It's not just the colors, though--there's a certain sense of purpose to all that bulk, an arrogance in the lines of the shoulders just appearing as their owner scoffs and apparently decides he doesn't need the darkness, stepping out from the shadows entirely.
I like this a lot. Owlsie CAN stealth like Bats, I think, but he doesn't need to, or WANT to, because he's very much a public presence in a way Bats is not, and that's reflected in his movement and costume and everything.
I also like to think of non nihilist Owlman as being the sum of all the arrogance Bats doesn't feel.
Two wrists beat one, so Bruce forces Owlman's arm back as he ducks and then twists.
Two wrists do; try this if you're ever being menaced with a knife or something. Or run away. That works, too.
Or pull out your auxiliary back up knife...
What do you mean, you do not HAVE an auxiliary back up knife?
Mistah J and I tsk at you.
Anyway, then Bats and Owlsie fight some. Batman is all LOOK, MISUNDERSTANDINGS, REASONABLE THINGS, LOGIC!!
and Owlman is like
WHY YOU HAVE MY FACE, MOTHERFUCKER?
It's hard to convey different fighting styles via text.
Bats also spends the fight marveling at how fucking knifey Owlman is, and trying to not remember the Joker. Awww, Batsy. <3 YOU AND YOUR SCHOOLBOY CRUSH.
"You don't have to kill me. I'm you!"
"No," Owlman says shortly, "You're not. I know you're not." He makes a grab for Bruce's arm, misses, snatches the other one quickly, and twists it until he hears something pop out of place, smiles grimly at the sweet, musical sound. "I know you're not, because I'm not such a pussy."
Yes, I wanted someone to legit call Batman a pussy at some point. WHAT.
At nearly the same moment they look into each other's faces, and they both blink.
The title could be from here. Or from how I refer to Bats blinking in or out of time/space. But no, the title comes from the totally unrelated climatic Batman/Owlman end scene in JLA: Crisis on Two Earths. You can youtube it, but I kind of don't think you should because the movie spends every moment leading up to the fucking epic verbal smackdown Bats gives Owlsie.
Warning: there is no Jokester. D: I know!
Anyway, the boys unmask. I like to think that even in their gear looks different, they have the same basic blueprint, which is why the latches are in the same places.
LATCHES, PLACEMENT OF. I bother to make a point with this later? IDK, man. DETAILS. It’s like I want to prove I was paying attention to my own story! Fancy that!
I then describe the slight differences in their faces, which is another GO ME moment in my head, but honestly it comes down to: Owlman sees mercy in those baby blue eyes, and he hates that.
PART THREEEEEEE:
"Owls eat bats," Owlman sneers, "What, did you fall into that cave and latch on to the first thing that ever frightened you? Pathetic. You let yourself be assimilated when you could have conquered. You could have looked for something stronger." Just like that, the mystery and the awe are apparently dismissed (accept strangeness to kill it-Owlman is nothing if not a pragmatist), and his hand shoots to Bruce's belt, knowing exactly where to go, pulling out a batarang, brandishing it in the light. "Aw, how cute. You even put little pointy ears on it."
That is basically my Owlman, right there. Everything about him, you can extrapolate from this speech.
Also, this is the point where they start talking shit about each other's gear, WHICH I LOVE.
"And you know what else? I'm going to kill you with your own little toy."
Menace! I dig it, okay?
"The pointy ears," Owlman informs him even as he lowers his stance, ready to lunge, maybe bury the blade in Batman's thigh, hitting the artery there, "Are the stupidest fucking thing I have ever seen in my whole entire life."
I LOVE THIS, OHMYGOD. ALMOST AS MUCH AS:
"Owlarangs?" is all Batman can bring himself to say, for a moment, sweeping out a leg for another kick, dashing in to cut across Owlman's thigh, "That's ridiculous. If you do have a Joker, you make his banter easy for him, don't you?"
WHICH I LOVE ALMOST, BUT DEFINITELY NOT AS MUCH AS:
"And you don't call this useless hunk of metal a batarang?" Owlman grunts, falling back, watching Bruce's body intently.
"It at least makes some sense!" Bruce screams, "From boomerang. At least batarang starts with a fucking B!"
LOLOLOL I want an icon with that, holy shit. This is by far the most amusing line I have written for myself, ever. Dear god. That probably means it's AWFUL and I should take it out, but: LULZ.
FUCKING B.
Back to srs!business:
But it's still his fucking face, and he still feels boiling rage each time he sees it on someone else. The expression is wrong, wrong, wrong--where most people would see steely resolve, he knows his face well enough to see wounded dog eyes.
And perfect fucking eyelashes around those baby blues.
It infuriates him, seeing the weakness there, the softness where he is hard. It's his face, a good face, and this two bit asshole is ruining it and using it all wrong.
Basically, yeah.
And then, ohahah, this was so hard to do, Owlman gets the upper hand. And it is non-con time.
The idea of Batman struggling and feeling so tremendously overpowered excites him, actually, so he leaves his wrists free so Batman can feel how helpless he is. It will only increase the guilt, the self blame. Owlman can see that Batman, whatever else he may be, believes in shame.
And that's something that doing this with the--to the--clown can't give him.
One of the many Jokester shout outs, to establish that, yes, in this 'verse, the Owl and the clown fuck. Often enough for the mental slip of "with" rather than "to." It's a thing. I like their thing. I will write some of their thing someday.
Sometimes he remembers how knives weren't always his favorite, how it took carving something special in someone's face to get him to an appreciation for the simple sharp wedge that borders on the fanatical
and AGAIN. HI, HI, THIS IS EARTH-3, IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING? YEEEAH.
Anyway, uh.
THEN OWLMAN RAPES BATMAN.
*hides eyes*
Seriously, this gave me so much trouble. So, so much trouble. I think I avoided it for a week, and each time I went running--nearly every day, basically--I thought about this and how I was avoiding it and I was consumed with guilt/anxiety.
And then I sat down and churned out some overnight nastiness where Owlman fucks Batman using his own blood as lube.
I don't even wanna know, self.
Movin' on: orgasms, reversal, Batman gets away.
PART FOUR:
Batman runs away in a sequence I really felt I should have put more time into. Honestly, it is *painfully* obvious where the transition scenes are, and I feel bad about it. At the same time, I think Batman feeling cornered and running is interesting, and I didn't want to just skip ahead to the Deus ex Machina...
Oh, HALLO, Jokester. You're here to save the day?
J: Yes! Here to save you from writing yourself into corners! *snappy salute*
Yep. Sooo.
I did want Batman and the Jokester to meet, though--that was essential to me, for the repeated mercy thing. I wanted the brutality that Batman receives from, essentially, himself, to be contrasted with the softness the Jokester gives him, and later on, the mercy-violence the Joker gives him.
And I don't think Batman would assume Earth 3's clown was a good guy, so I wanted him to be all, "OH SHIT" at first.
He expects another knife at his mouth. This universe's counterpart has the Owl for company; he has no reason to spare the Batman. He is extraneous here, or worse. In his own world, he doesn't doubt the Joker would take his time picking Owlman apart, to get some mad insight into what makes Batman tick. Same parts, same model, different paint job, says the voice he imagines in his head, while his knife spills rubies that look like bolts and gears to the madman.
Favorite passage? Quite likely.
And I do think the Joker would try and kill the shit out of Owlman after a trial run. In my head, the fascination doesn't extend all ways: Jokester would dig Bats, Owlie, and his alterna-self; Owlsie would spare both clowns for his own reasons, but is obvs willing to kill Batman; the Joker would let his alterna-self go free and then ideally toy with Owlman and then kill him as a substitute for killing Batsy.
Batman would never kill anybody, but there you go. That is how my boy rolls.
Also, everyone but Batman totally thinks about fucking everyone else. ORGY, WHAT.
Someone write that, plz.
"If you're going to kill me--"
"Kill?" he says, puzzled, "Honeydew, moonbeam. I think you've got me confused with someone else. I don't kill."
I obviously LOVE lathering on the petnames, but honeydew is traditionally a favorite of mine, and MOONBEAM is so what I now picture the Joker using for Batsy. MOONBEAM. Because: bats, nights, etc.
MOONBEAM.
C'mon, it's cute. You know it.
"By the way, Talon came by, quick as a hop and a skip, and took old Birdie-Bird in. He'll be just fine."
My silent justification for mixing timelines: I think Earth-3 is ahead of, er, the vague Nolanverse I work in. TIME IS WEIRD WHEN YOU DIMENSION HOP, OKAY.
"Your, mm, ensemble is even worse than Owlsie's, though, I gotta say. All black. Tsk. Do you lock yourself up in your room and listen to The Cure when you get back from school?"
Emo Batman totally listens to the Cure, mmkay. Endcredits and I agree; therefore, it must be true.
"You want me to figure out how to dimension hop you to the proper when and where? Send you skipping through the multiverses to end up safe and sound?" the Jokster sounds amused again. "Well, if that's all..."
HANDWAVE HANDWAVE LAH LAH LAH.
Look, if anyone can do it? It's the Jokester.
Anyway: THEY KISS.
This clown tastes of greasepaint and lipstick and a minty something or other. Maybe gum. Maybe mentos. Maybe mint lifesavers. It is definitely not real mint. The artifice of it is somehow comforting, like bubble gum flavored medicine that doesn’t taste too bad, or honey-lemon throat lozenges.
Yes, I wanted him to taste like MEDICINE because he makes Batman feel better. Yeah, okay. Cheese, what now?
I also wanted to set up for the differences in how the clowns taste, because I think the Joker would taste bitterly, uh...visceral. I don't know how to say, except: the OPPOSITE of artificial mint. I want to say "human things," but I want to never describe the Joker as human.
Sour breath and spit and blood: that is what a Joker kiss tastes like.
But not bad, I don't think.
"It takes a tender touch, what can I say? Magic fingers." He wiggles his digits in front of Batman's face.
Yes.
Somewhere out there is a hurt Owl, and that's going to make for some interesting pay back, some day soon. Showing up at the end of the confrontation means he knows exactly where the knife wound is.
That kiss, though--
Well.
Somewhere, sometime, it happens again.
That's enough, maybe.
The story COULD end here, happily, and in a way, it does. The Earth-3 fanfic version does, I think: for that audience, what else could there be?
But for the rest of us, there is, dun dun duuuuuuuunnnnnnnn,
PART FIIIIIVE:
Hilariously, I originally thought of this as the "epilogue." Oh, hahaha, what a naive little thing I am. It's THE LONGEST PART.
Anyway, so. Batman blinks back into his when-and-where, mostly, except he almost dies crawling into his house and he finds out he's been gone for three weeks. What did I TELL you? Time works weird while dimension-hopping.
In the Brave and the Bold episode with Owlman, I think it's two weeks. Either way.
Again, this is one of those parts I feel the "filler" is obvious and it kind of makes me squirm, but I didn't feel anything worked without it. On my daily jog--clearly where I do most of my thinking--I contemplated implementing a new rule, mainly: if it bores you to write, it will bore them to read.
But even though I avoid them like hell, when I finally buckle down and do them, I find them essential. I don't think it's a matter of keeping everything I do--in other works I chip great big passages out--but...
I don't know. It might be an AWESOME rule. I shall experiment.
The point is: Alfred, I'm SORRY, and one day I will give you time to shine. ILU, Alfie. Okay?
Anyway: BATMAN ANGST.
And then he decides to break into Arkham, because, what the hell. Who ELSE is he going to chat about shadow selves and alternate dimensions with, seriously? Also, the last time Owlman hurt him, a clown offered comfort, and Batsy's reaching, a little. Yearning, if you will.
"You need something," the Joker said blandly, eventually, "Or, or, oh, can it be?" He straightened up, grinning at Batman, "After who-knows-how-long of marinating in your own misery, have you come to put me down like the dog I am, hmm? Is it rule one achey-breaky time?" The Joker wriggled with, presumably, glee.
The Joker ALWAYS wriggles with glee when he considers that it might finally be that time, and he considers it constantly . UNF UNF UNF, basically, is how he feels about it--UNNNNFFFF.
"I came to talk," Batman said, slowly.
"With your fists?" the Joker squinted at him, "Those are your usual conversational organs, right?"
I lol'd.
I basically approve of all the dialog I wrote here, so let's skip ahead:
"I think about lots of things being true."
EMPEROR JOKER REFERENCE, YESSSSSS. Check.
"We'd have a hell of a time. Compare knives, swap stories--trade bat baiting techniques...ask him if he thought it counted as mastur--"
There must always be moments of frat boy humor in everything I write. Again: I lol'd. I do a LOT of things for the lulz.
"No." His voice was flat. "You don't have that. Don't even think about it."
Joker is offended by the idea that Batman's gotten it all wrong. AGAIN. Kinda--
J: NONONONO, sweetheart--I'M your dramatic foil. Don't go outside of the relationship for that, y'know? It's rude.
It's like that, yeah.
"What did he do to you?" the Joker asked, into the resulting quiet, pushing himself onto his knees, squinting across the shadows, "Don't look like that--I hate it when you look like that and the reason isn't me."
That sound you hear is me going unf, quietly. unfunfunf.
I'm gonna stop picking dialog out, because: I like it here, I really do.
OH SHIT, except for--
"He said he doesn't kill."
"They can't all be winners," the Joker acknowledged
because I love that. Snappy, Mistah Jay, snappy.
Anyway: STUFF, things, talking. Y'all should read it! You know, if you haven't already.
Joker then gets pissed because he realizes Batman is so unable to deal with the Owlman related shame that he wants someone familiar to do him harm, because he knows how to deal with that.
THAT MIGHT NOT BE CLEAR.
It is at this point in the writing that I caught a cold.
Anyway, Joker doesn't like, at least at first, Batman being all broody and unresisting and lying back and taking it while thinking of England Owlman, so he's like, get the fuck out.
I like the image of the Joker coiled in the corner, his back to Batman, squeezing his eyes shut like it'll make him go away. I think it implies that sometimes he conjures a hallucination!Batman to keep him company, and manages to get into disagreements with him.
I'm going to reuse this.
SHORT ALFRED INTERLUDE. It's awful. Alfred, I'm sorry.
More interlude, Batman does his ritual purification death shit.
Aaand we're at Arkham again.
The Joker has a lot of makeshift shanks. He's been saving them for something like this. I picture him hoarding sharp things for months and months on the off chance Batman visits him and wants to play. A boy has to be ready, you know?
I like the opening image--the straightjacket, newly slaughtered, and the Joker rising to his feet, ready for Batman. Fuckin' bring it, bitch.
Too late, Batman realized that it was a feint--
Joker's tricking you into closing the distance, yo.
"You're so hard-headed, Bat-brain...It's not good versus evil. It's not even order against chaos. It's you and me, and I do for you what you can't do to yourself. And that means mercy."
J: Hello, author. Thank you for blatantly using me as your mouthpiece with the gentle caress of an anvil.
YOU'RE WELCOME, BB.
I liiike the agent of chaos thing; I really do. Long before nihilist Owlman was giving me a girl-on, anarchist Joker was doing it (and let's not ever get my former poli sci self on the clear class struggle depicted in TDK--Bruce Wayne's billions verus the Joker's "they're cheap," UNF UNF UNF. Nolan brothers, have you EVER got my number). But all the same; he's the goddamn Joker and you can't believe every detail of the speech he gives good ole Harv. He's Card 0; the Fool; the Lord of Misrule and a Trickster god incarnate--but he's not actually doing shit at random. He has plans--to disrupt the plans of others.
OR: look, it took some doing on Loki's part to get the mistletoe and the blind guy to kill Balder.
OR: Effective opposition to order isn't wed to first impulses. True chaos isn't bound to the idea of never lining up nicely.
But the mercy theme!
It's a thing. Batman is ruthless sometimes, but mostly to HIMSELF. Owlman's aggression is really only a physical manifestation of the same haunting guilt. I think my Batman has a tiny spark of a death wish--earlier, Owlman taunts him for trying to commit suicide by crime, and yeah, a little, not to put too fine a point on it.
I like fic where the Joker's just mean enough to Batman--outside of the grand plans that require lots of slaughter--to give Bats an excuse to go exactly what he wants without feeling bad.
Aand, I like that the Jokester shows Batman the mercy Owlman won't give him, and so Batman's kind of counting on the Joker to help him externalize the hatred, by replacing the old wound with a new (kinder, but fresher) one.
So I like to think this isn't quite a "LOL the healing power of COCK on sexual abuse victims" story, because...there's not healing, as such-such. There's just a more acceptable wound.
Also, to be totes frank? Joker doesn't like that Owlsie got there first, and he wants Bats to stop thinking about it.
Oh, and here's basically an in-story recap of what I just said:
"You kill yourself here and there, slower or faster. Owlsie doing a number on you there isn't much different from the way you let your guilt eat you up from inside here. You don't like that, though."
J: So that weird feeling I’ve been having is your hand up my ass as you use me as a puppet?
YESSIR.
"I didn't really want to, uh, do it this way--not our first time--but you're so demanding and I'm just that accommodating..."
The blade was carefully fit between Batman's lips. He froze, remembering an owlarang in the same place.
I also have this crazy idea that you can view Bats/Owls/the clowns as being a ying-and-yang deal split FOUR ways. Owlman is lots of bad Batman things with some Joker traits. The Jokester is a lot of Batman things dressed up in Joker MO. Like that. Four parts of the whole.
"Don't move or I'll carve you up and you'll have to redesign the mask, blah blah blah," the Joker said.
Aww, how cute. They're role playing their usual encounters, see?
No, really, the Joker's all about creating a narrative Batman can live with.
"And I'll blow up a hospice," the Joker added, "And hospice and an orphanage." His free hand crept up Batman's chest. "You wouldn't want that, would you?"
In case this isn't perfectly clear, there is no hospice and no orphanage. See above about the narrative deal.
Nimble fingers bothered to find the clasps on his armor, though the Joker did have to carefully search for them
SEE, I BOTHERED TO BRING UP LATCHES/CLASPS AGAIN. Not everyone just knows how to get the batsuit off.
"Smart, sweet Batsy. Always prepared."
The Joker is the meta mouthpiece through which we fans can---
J: HAND. OUT OF MY ASS. NOW.
Ahem.
Some sex scene, with penetration as punctuation.
Which sounds like of snappy when you phrase it that way, actually.
the spaces between words were filled with little shushing noises
I lovelovelove that bit in the movie when he's all 'shh shh shh shh,' managing to make shushing very violent and creepy. But he could probably tone the creepy down a little, right? ...Right?
You think it's an ouroboros, but it's not. Eating your own tail might work for a snake, but not for a bat. Or whatever your nocturnal flying vermin of choice may be.
This is one of those places where I wince really, really hard in retrospect.
OUROBOROS? OUROBOROS? SERIOUSLY, SELF? Are you gonna have them talk about Odin or, fuck, riot grrrl bands next? Maybe robot dinosaurs? How self indulgent can your lines GET? OUROBOROS? In a BATMAN story?
Who the fuck do you think you are--Grant Morrison?
(aha)
For a long while, the only sounds in the cell were the small moans that escaped their lip locked desperation, as they both sucked at each other and bit and rocked together. Batman's hands had found the Joker's thighs, and their grip was tight until Batman realized what he was doing--pulling the Joker down closer to him; rocking his hips up to meet him--and stiffened, dropping his hands suddenly. They lay on the bunk uselessly, and the Joker pretended not to notice where they'd been. His only concession to the motion was to take a second to pin Batman's wrists over his head instead.
I think this passage sums up what I'm trying to do here, with the rape-that-isn't-quite-what-it-looks-like. It's pain to fix worse pain, which is a warped kind of mercy, but it's a little gentle, too, and, most of all, the Joker's structuring it so Batman has at least some plausible deniability.
"Think of all the people I've killed..." His breath was warm over Batman's mouth, "Not to run this town, not for money, just...because..."
Think of how Owlman does things for a REASON, and the Joker doesn't for any reason you understand--
Because I think Batman kind of gets Owlman's M.O., which horrifies him further.
Again: I DID NOTHING WITH THIS INSIGHT.
"But it's okay if I hurt you, right? That's what you expect." A touch of scorn entered his tone, though it almost sounded affectionate, "That's how the plan goes."
ALL PART OF THE PLAN.
I like the image, a little further down, of the Joker hiding his face in the crook of Batman's neck as they fuck, hot and sweaty and secret, keeping his undone expression to himself, in a way, and giving it to Batman by pressing into his skin in another way.
Again, I am gonna reuse this. And I know where, too! (hint: where. were. weeere. awwwooooooooooo.)
"Now, uh, let's see, here..." the Joker's shank tapped against his teeth, as he peered down at Batman thoughtfully
The Joker that lives in my head does this CONSTANTLY. He wanders around, knife out, tapping at his teeth while he muses and anticipates torturing Batman. It's THOUGHTFUL. I don't know. It just is. I think I may have mentioned this is nearly every Joker story I've done. FAVORITE MANNERISM.
The ULTIMATE THEME of this mess:
"Because no one knows you like I do, moonbeam. Not even you."
THAAANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT--
and I'll take my hand out of your ass now, Mistah J.