"BOOBIES!"
So, yesterday was fun and exciting in ways I don't even want to think about. But, for the sake of complete story telling, I'm going to start with Thursday night.
Ok, it's long been planned that I would drive down to Glendale and hang with Libby on Wednesday and Thursday then take her to the airport on Friday morning so she could head home to Dallas for the holidays. We're talking a month's worth of planning. I knew I was doing that before I knew I was moving this month. However, Wednesday's snow storm totally cockblocked us and I was marooned up in the AV. I was pretty certain I wouldn't be able to make it down to the Valley, but things cleared up enough and I drove down here after dinner on Thursday night. I waited for dinner because... well... Libby didnt have anything in her kitchen that could compete with Momma's meat loaf.
So I get here and we watch 300, because Libby was craving the MAN MEAT and Gerard Butler's ANGRY BELLY FACE and then, around 12:30 am, Libby realizes that it's after midnight and she hasn't packed yet, so while I was laughing at her mad procrastination skills, she did that. We decide to get up at 5 to get her to the Van Nuys FlyAway by 6 so she can get to the airport for her 8:30 flight.
Yeah. That didn't happen.
By the time we left her house, after oversleeping, it was after six, but we still made it to Van Nuys by 6:30, despite it being Friday morning in the middle of rush hour. I drop her and Penny off, make sure they're headed on their merry way, and go home. Where I made stew. And took a nap.
Little did I know that, while I was curled up in bed with the Morgie, Libby was stuck at the AIRPORT FROM HELL. She missed her flight because of ridiculous lines and, come two in the afternoon when I finally rolled out of bed, was STUCK. I went into panic mode because I know I wouldnt want to be stuck at LAX for any amount of time, much less all day. Some moochage of gas money was done and I drove back down to the Valley to get her from Van Nuys.
Once we got back to her place, we realized that we'd not only failed the whole 'get to the airport on time' thing, but we'd also left her front door UNLOCKED and UNBOLTED. So it was probably a good thing that she missed her flight. Otherwise her house would have been open to the public. Lord knows what could have happened while she was gone.
So we watched some Scrubs and some House and decided that, hey, we should go to the movies! And see Twilight! While drunk! Now, I (of course) don't drink, but I find drunk people funny, so I fully encouraged Libby to get trashed before we went to see that shitfest. (I KNOW there are a lot of twilight fans on my flist, but a little realism here. Its NOT that great a movie.) So... she did. Libby said "Jack and Coke? Yes please." and proceeded to drink three of them, pounding the last one back literally as we were walking out the door. In her sparkly red cowboy hat.
Observe:
Yes. Libby. Drunk. Cowboy hat that sparkles like Edward. Love it!
So, even drunk, she gives pretty good, if rambly, directions and we make it to the theater without incident. However, before we left her house, she decided that she needed to bring MORE alcohol with her, so being the enabler that I am, I didn't dissuade her of that notion. I just cleared out my bacon and eggs tote bag that I keep my crocheting in and told her to smuggle her own damned booze.
So yeah, we make it to the theater while slowly leaking half of her bottle of Jack and Coke into my bag because of the poor choice in bottles to carry it in, and we come upon a FESTIVE gathering of some type of school chorus, I think, and giant ornaments as decorations. They're gold. And sparkly. And Libby immediately yells out, "BALLS!" in the middle of this little concert which they were obviously recording. So I try to get her to a) not yell, and b) not dance because that's what she immediately started doing as I shushed her, much to the amusement of all of those around us. Naturally, as she was spinning around in her Dance of Drunken Drunkenness, her phone flew out of her pocket. But luckily, some dude behind us got it and, in the spirit of the season, chased her down to give it back.
Libby, the drunken friendly Texan, immediately enveloped him in a bear hug and kissed him. In front of everyone. And his girlfriend. With her booze breath. I stole her phone from her at that point, so she wouldn't lose it again, and we got our tickets with about 10 minutes to spare. At that point, her many, MANY drinks are really starting to hit her, so I wisely decided we were going to get popcorn because she needed it. Naturally, we were next in line when her teeny tiny bladder decides it can't hold any more and she shoves her bank card and ID at me before running (stumbling? maybe?) off to the bathroom. Luckily, I didn't have any issue paying for the popcorn, as I had her ID and the air-tight (HA!) excuse of "It's my friend's. She just went to the bathroom." For all they knew, I could have stolen it, but the kid took it anyways.
We walked into the theater once Libby was out of the bathroom and took seats in the front row. (Well, front ish. Because who wants to sit in the REAL front row?) The previews went surprisingly quickly (CORALINE! AAHHHHH WANNA SEE!!!) and the movie started. But, JUST before the movie started, Libby's bladder needed to be emptied again, so she missed the first couple of minutes and came in when the deer at the beginning got caught. She yelled out "NO! NOT BAMBI!" and cackled.
After about 30 minutes of me shushing her and trying to keep her quiet and her thinking she was actually BEING quiet, the bitches behind us leaned in and said "Can you two keep it down? You're being distracting." Libby's answer was to fall out of her chair and cover her face while she laughed. I was amused because, when being reprimanded by fellow theater goers, I don't normally fall out of my seat.
Here are some amusing Libby-isms from during the movie.
"They should just FUCK already!"
"I want to take his tie and tie him up!"
"BOOOBIES!!! SHE HAS BOOBIES!"
"Edward isn't that hot. Seriously. He's kinda ugly. I wouldn't fuck him. He was hotter as Cedric."
"DEMON EYES. ERIK HAS DEMON EYES."
There were more. A LOT more. But those are the ones that stand out. She also made friends with the girls sitting a few seats over from us and would randomly get up to share her wisdom with them, which made them laugh quite loudly. And made the people behind us who already hated us to hate us even more.
When the movie was finally over, we gathered our things and left with the crowd and headed to the bathroom. On the way out, Libby the Wonder!Drunk decided to lay all over one of our fellow theater goers and ask him his opinion of the movie. His boyfriend looked amused by her antics. I didnt have to go to the bathroom, but Drunky did, so I followed her into it to wait and make sure she didn't take a header into a toilet or something. As we were entering, this bitch in an ugly orange coat just had to say something.
Orange Coat Bitch: Was that you two laughing in the theater?
Libby: Yeah.
OCB: You know, you were really loud. That was rude.
L: So what?
OCB: YOU RUINED THE MOVIE FOR EVERYONE.
L: *ignores*
I just laughed. Orange Coat Bitch was seething with her impotent rage, I could tell. She wanted an apology, but Libby blew her off.
We left the mall-type area the movies were in and had to pass by the sparkly giant balls. Naturally, pictures had to be taken.
Now, at this point, I pointed out that the balls, from a certain angle, looked like boobs. Hence the next two pictures.
That last one is my personal favorite.
The walk back to the car was spent discussing the Orange Coat Bitch and mocking her, as well as a discussion on our respective boob sizes and how we wish they would look better. The decision? Implants.
After that, we just went home and to bed, though Libby stayed up quite late, chattering at me through the wall that she was tired and her bedroom was spinning and she wanted to sleep. All while NOT sleeping. So, since she was not sleeping, I brought her computer to her and made her get in the awesome IWL chat so she could amuse Owen and Jess with her drunkenness as well. The log is up in Owen's journal, if anyone cares to read. I'm too lazy to repost here.
And this morning?
Libby: I'm so glad I was drunk. It was awesome drunk.
Ok, it's long been planned that I would drive down to Glendale and hang with Libby on Wednesday and Thursday then take her to the airport on Friday morning so she could head home to Dallas for the holidays. We're talking a month's worth of planning. I knew I was doing that before I knew I was moving this month. However, Wednesday's snow storm totally cockblocked us and I was marooned up in the AV. I was pretty certain I wouldn't be able to make it down to the Valley, but things cleared up enough and I drove down here after dinner on Thursday night. I waited for dinner because... well... Libby didnt have anything in her kitchen that could compete with Momma's meat loaf.
So I get here and we watch 300, because Libby was craving the MAN MEAT and Gerard Butler's ANGRY BELLY FACE and then, around 12:30 am, Libby realizes that it's after midnight and she hasn't packed yet, so while I was laughing at her mad procrastination skills, she did that. We decide to get up at 5 to get her to the Van Nuys FlyAway by 6 so she can get to the airport for her 8:30 flight.
Yeah. That didn't happen.
By the time we left her house, after oversleeping, it was after six, but we still made it to Van Nuys by 6:30, despite it being Friday morning in the middle of rush hour. I drop her and Penny off, make sure they're headed on their merry way, and go home. Where I made stew. And took a nap.
Little did I know that, while I was curled up in bed with the Morgie, Libby was stuck at the AIRPORT FROM HELL. She missed her flight because of ridiculous lines and, come two in the afternoon when I finally rolled out of bed, was STUCK. I went into panic mode because I know I wouldnt want to be stuck at LAX for any amount of time, much less all day. Some moochage of gas money was done and I drove back down to the Valley to get her from Van Nuys.
Once we got back to her place, we realized that we'd not only failed the whole 'get to the airport on time' thing, but we'd also left her front door UNLOCKED and UNBOLTED. So it was probably a good thing that she missed her flight. Otherwise her house would have been open to the public. Lord knows what could have happened while she was gone.
So we watched some Scrubs and some House and decided that, hey, we should go to the movies! And see Twilight! While drunk! Now, I (of course) don't drink, but I find drunk people funny, so I fully encouraged Libby to get trashed before we went to see that shitfest. (I KNOW there are a lot of twilight fans on my flist, but a little realism here. Its NOT that great a movie.) So... she did. Libby said "Jack and Coke? Yes please." and proceeded to drink three of them, pounding the last one back literally as we were walking out the door. In her sparkly red cowboy hat.
Observe:
Yes. Libby. Drunk. Cowboy hat that sparkles like Edward. Love it!
So, even drunk, she gives pretty good, if rambly, directions and we make it to the theater without incident. However, before we left her house, she decided that she needed to bring MORE alcohol with her, so being the enabler that I am, I didn't dissuade her of that notion. I just cleared out my bacon and eggs tote bag that I keep my crocheting in and told her to smuggle her own damned booze.
So yeah, we make it to the theater while slowly leaking half of her bottle of Jack and Coke into my bag because of the poor choice in bottles to carry it in, and we come upon a FESTIVE gathering of some type of school chorus, I think, and giant ornaments as decorations. They're gold. And sparkly. And Libby immediately yells out, "BALLS!" in the middle of this little concert which they were obviously recording. So I try to get her to a) not yell, and b) not dance because that's what she immediately started doing as I shushed her, much to the amusement of all of those around us. Naturally, as she was spinning around in her Dance of Drunken Drunkenness, her phone flew out of her pocket. But luckily, some dude behind us got it and, in the spirit of the season, chased her down to give it back.
Libby, the drunken friendly Texan, immediately enveloped him in a bear hug and kissed him. In front of everyone. And his girlfriend. With her booze breath. I stole her phone from her at that point, so she wouldn't lose it again, and we got our tickets with about 10 minutes to spare. At that point, her many, MANY drinks are really starting to hit her, so I wisely decided we were going to get popcorn because she needed it. Naturally, we were next in line when her teeny tiny bladder decides it can't hold any more and she shoves her bank card and ID at me before running (stumbling? maybe?) off to the bathroom. Luckily, I didn't have any issue paying for the popcorn, as I had her ID and the air-tight (HA!) excuse of "It's my friend's. She just went to the bathroom." For all they knew, I could have stolen it, but the kid took it anyways.
We walked into the theater once Libby was out of the bathroom and took seats in the front row. (Well, front ish. Because who wants to sit in the REAL front row?) The previews went surprisingly quickly (CORALINE! AAHHHHH WANNA SEE!!!) and the movie started. But, JUST before the movie started, Libby's bladder needed to be emptied again, so she missed the first couple of minutes and came in when the deer at the beginning got caught. She yelled out "NO! NOT BAMBI!" and cackled.
After about 30 minutes of me shushing her and trying to keep her quiet and her thinking she was actually BEING quiet, the bitches behind us leaned in and said "Can you two keep it down? You're being distracting." Libby's answer was to fall out of her chair and cover her face while she laughed. I was amused because, when being reprimanded by fellow theater goers, I don't normally fall out of my seat.
Here are some amusing Libby-isms from during the movie.
"They should just FUCK already!"
"I want to take his tie and tie him up!"
"BOOOBIES!!! SHE HAS BOOBIES!"
"Edward isn't that hot. Seriously. He's kinda ugly. I wouldn't fuck him. He was hotter as Cedric."
"DEMON EYES. ERIK HAS DEMON EYES."
There were more. A LOT more. But those are the ones that stand out. She also made friends with the girls sitting a few seats over from us and would randomly get up to share her wisdom with them, which made them laugh quite loudly. And made the people behind us who already hated us to hate us even more.
When the movie was finally over, we gathered our things and left with the crowd and headed to the bathroom. On the way out, Libby the Wonder!Drunk decided to lay all over one of our fellow theater goers and ask him his opinion of the movie. His boyfriend looked amused by her antics. I didnt have to go to the bathroom, but Drunky did, so I followed her into it to wait and make sure she didn't take a header into a toilet or something. As we were entering, this bitch in an ugly orange coat just had to say something.
Orange Coat Bitch: Was that you two laughing in the theater?
Libby: Yeah.
OCB: You know, you were really loud. That was rude.
L: So what?
OCB: YOU RUINED THE MOVIE FOR EVERYONE.
L: *ignores*
I just laughed. Orange Coat Bitch was seething with her impotent rage, I could tell. She wanted an apology, but Libby blew her off.
We left the mall-type area the movies were in and had to pass by the sparkly giant balls. Naturally, pictures had to be taken.
Now, at this point, I pointed out that the balls, from a certain angle, looked like boobs. Hence the next two pictures.
That last one is my personal favorite.
The walk back to the car was spent discussing the Orange Coat Bitch and mocking her, as well as a discussion on our respective boob sizes and how we wish they would look better. The decision? Implants.
After that, we just went home and to bed, though Libby stayed up quite late, chattering at me through the wall that she was tired and her bedroom was spinning and she wanted to sleep. All while NOT sleeping. So, since she was not sleeping, I brought her computer to her and made her get in the awesome IWL chat so she could amuse Owen and Jess with her drunkenness as well. The log is up in Owen's journal, if anyone cares to read. I'm too lazy to repost here.
And this morning?
Libby: I'm so glad I was drunk. It was awesome drunk.