Ice of Oblivion Chapter 18
Title: Ice of Oblivion Chapter 18/24
Author: zoomzoomzoomzoo
Fandom/Genre: SPN AU Romance, Drama, Action
Pairing (s): Dean/Castiel
Rating: T
Word Count: ~82,000
Warnings: Underage, Mild Sexual Situation, Violence
Summary: AU. In a time of great tragedy in the lands of Mamot, the human race and the angel race are forced to form an unbreakable union that will bind them together for twenty seven lifetimes in order to stop the uprising of the demon race. In bargain they offer Castiel, one of the most powerful angels in the entire world to marry Dean Winchester, the young crown prince of the human world. The typically detached Castiel winds up falling in love with the Prince. The only problem is his brothers don’t expect Dean to live through the war. Will Castiel stay and support the man he loves despite the heartbreak that might accompany his passing or will he fall back in line with his brothers, becoming numb to all human emotions once more?
Chapter 18
Things were not looking up…
After their little rendezvous in the woods, Dean acted colder toward Castiel than he ever had before. He no longer ignored him, but he was blatantly rude to him. When Castiel so much as made a comment, Dean always had something to say back and very rarely was that something constructive. It was usually vindictive and totally out of place.
After less than three days of traveling, Dean proclaimed himself the new leader of the group; deciding rather quickly that since he was King and more than half of the people in their party were his subjects he was better person for the job. Also, that Castiel was too unskilled for the job.
The comment was meant to hurt and honestly, it did hurt. Castiel had not reacted to it though, not really wanting to give Dean what he so obviously craved. He opted to agree with the man, which only pissed him off more and made him act even worse to Castiel. After hours of the verbal abuse, Castiel trickled to the back of the group and walked by himself for a while.
He would have never expected someone who liked him as much as Dean did when he was a child to hate him as much as he seemed to. It appeared their apparent connection while “relearning guns” had not made a difference and Dean hated him again.
Whatever dreams Castiel had about coming back and having Dean fall in love with him again were slowly disappearing from reality and became fantasy yet again. Dean would never love him.
Luke apparently saw how disheartened he was and approached him.
“Don’t worry about Dean, listen man. He was just - god he’s going to kill me for telling you this - but he was just really hurt when you left. Give him some time, he’ll come around.”
The statement was supposed to be a comfort, but it only made Castiel feel worse. Aside from Dean’s final letter and Castiel’s own inklings, he never received such solid evidence that Dean was hurt by his sudden departure. His guilt weighed so heavy on him for the rest of the day - how could he have done something to someone he cared so deeply about? Of course, he knew why and he was ashamed that his mindset had not changed much. He was still afraid for Dean and if something happened to him at that very second, even with Dean acting so frosty toward him, he didn’t know how he was expected to survive.
Regardless, though, Castiel never felt guilt so strong. He felt guilty before, like when he neglected to tell his older brothers when Gabriel was plotting some kind of prank against them or when he decided to procrastinate through writing another textbook. But this - what he did - was too much to handle.
He had to appease his guilt.
He knew he was being selfish (again) and he knew that his selfishness was the thing that got him into this situation in the first place, but if he was ever expected to get farther with Dean then he had to have a clear conscience.
He was going to apologize to Dean. He only hoped Dean didn’t shove it back in his face…
~*~*~*~
“What the hell do you want?
Castiel cringed but still crept inside of Dean’s tent; it was late at night and quiet aside from the incessant chirps and hoots from bugs and birds. Everyone else was either sleeping or going to sleep while the angels were on patrol. Castiel cleared his absence from nightly patrols with them early to be here but when now he kind of wished he was with them.
“Can we talk?”
“No,” Dean said simply. “I’m going to sleep.”
Castiel nodded and sat down at the very edge of Dean’s tent, closest to the entrance/exit. Dean’s tent was the same size as the others despite his kingly status, it only had enough room for Dean to lay down horizontally without his feet sticking out and there was enough room on the edges for Dean to spread out his arms or legs if necessary. Dean’s space was cramped though; it held maps, small lanterns, parchment and ink. It was barely enough for Dean let alone Castiel himself.
“I know,” Castiel said. “But, if you can only lend me a second of your time.”
Dean looked irate and harshly pulled his blanket closer to his face, very much like a young child and scowled. “Look, I’ve had a long day. I just want to go to sleep.”
“Please Dean, just - please - just one minute and I swear I’ll leave,” Castiel begged.
There must have been something particularly pathetic about his expression because Dean’s features softened and he moved the blanket away from his face. He regarded Castiel with a calculating look before sighing and sitting completely up in his bedroll.
“Shoot.”
Castiel fought his excited grin by clearing his throat and beating his chest once. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Dean’s voice.
“Time’s ticking asshole.”
Castiel decided to ignore Dean’s rash “asshole” comment and speak instead. He was only promised one minute and he was going to use it wisely. “I wanted to apologize.”
Dean frowned and his eyebrows tightened; he looked truly interested then and leaned down onto his elbow. “Apologize? For- for wha- you didn’t do anything.”
Castiel bit his lip hard and nodded brokenly. “I have… when I left you,” Castiel said, uncertain.
Dean’s mouth opened in a silent ‘O’ but then his expression changed to one of obvious cockiness. He shrugged his shoulders and his head dipped to the side in a fashion like Castiel’s. “Really?”
“Yes, really.” Castiel cleared his throat; he only had twenty more seconds left… “I understand now that I was gone too long.”
“Really?” Dean sat up straight again and gave the angel a challenging look. “I didn’t notice.”
Castiel nodded even though he knew for a fact that Dean had noticed and he was hurting. “Even if you didn’t I know now that ten years is a very long time. We were close friends when you were a boy and now that you’re a man I think we’re not connecting on that level - “
“You think?”
Castiel frowned and nodded. “And I think that has something to do with the time span between our meetings.”
“Ten years was the time span, ten whole years,” Dean elaborated, hand gestures and all.
“Yes, I know. I just want to apologize, I don’t want you bitter - “
“Bitter? Why the hell would I be bitter? We were just friends, I was just a kid and you were just my guardian.”
Castiel noticed then that his time limit was completely out, but Dean was giving him a window and continuing the conversation. The angel was going to use every bit of that window to mend his guilt. “You meant a lot to me, you still mean a lot to me. I don’t wish to lose our friendship.”
“It’s a little late for that, huh Cas?”
Castiel shook his head and scooted closer to Dean. “No, I think we can. We have the tools to fix it, if we try.”
Dean looked at Castiel long and hard before shaking his head and trying to shuffle under the covers again. “I’m tired.”
Castiel, feeling panicked, reached out for Dean’s hands and took them from their place on the end of the blanket. He held them firmly in his own hands and before Dean could start to tug away he looked the man in the eye and spoke. “I care for you Dean. You’re the only human I’ve felt this strongly about. I haven’t gone a day without thinking about you since the last time I saw you.”
Castiel felt like a shunned lover begging for the forgiveness of someone he wronged, but he didn’t care. It was all the truth, after all.
“Please Dean, I just - I want us to be the way we used to be. And I know you do to…” And the funny thing was, Castiel did know. Thinking back on it, he remembered lots of the times when Dean insulted and demeaned him with a pained look in his eyes - almost as if he didn’t want to do it.
“So, what you just know me now,” Dean asked him mockingly. “You’re God looking into my fucking soul and knowing everything about me. You think I miss you?”
“Yes,” Castiel answered simply.
Dean looked taken aback by the solid answer, but he recovered quickly and a cocky self-indulgent smile lit up his face. “Well, then you’re wrong. I don’t care about you, I hope you die -“
Dean stopped short with a sharp inhale of breath when Castiel moved closer and pulled him into a hug. Castiel smiled into Dean’s shoulder, he was just as warm as always. He was surprised when Dean put in no protest and accepted the embrace with a shocked silence; Castiel was expecting some kind of extreme punch-in-the-face type reaction and getting literally nothing threw him through a loop.
He was about to pull away when he felt two hesitant arms drifting up his back and clasping onto his brown “trench coat”. Castiel released a long sigh; his guilty conscience was waning and it looked like Dean was on the path to forgiveness.
“Why,” Dean started to say but froze.
Castiel understood where he was going and he did not want to elaborate on his reasons for staying away so long. His reasoning would probably depress Dean more than silence would. Not to mention it was embarrassing. How was he expected to say out loud that he avoided Dean and all of his efforts to reach out to him simply because he was afraid of losing him and because his big brother told him to? It was contradictory not to mention childish. If he told Dean the truth the man would think of him as a coward for the rest of his life and probably never speak to him again.
And he couldn’t let that happen, especially now that he was feeling the warmth of Dean again.
“I - ummm - had to leave immediately after the incident at your hunting gathering because I had to recharge my energy.” That wasn’t entirely untrue and so Castiel did not think of it as a lie.
Dean nodded into Castiel’s neck. “Why didn’t you come back?”
“I lost track of time.” Another almost lie; he did lose track of time during those ten years it seemed like one second he was agonizing over the feelings for Dean and the next he was agonizing over leaving the boy alone for ten years.
“But, I, uh, I sent letters and sent messengers…”
“I didn’t receive any letters from you.” That was a lie. That was a blatant untruth and Castiel knew it, but what else could he do? Telling Dean that he did get the letters and just didn’t read them would be confirming one of his base accusations from his final letter. It’s not like Dean would ever find out, no one but Impala saw him reading them.
There was a long stretch of silence with the two now-friends still holding each other in their arms.
“Uh, Cas, I’m really starting to feel like a chick.”
Castiel could not think for a second why so continued to hold him.
“Dude, seriously, get off of me. Personal Space.”
Castiel sighed a long-suffering sigh and pulled away from his friend. He hoped Dean didn’t call “personal space” every time they hugged from then on. When he looked at Dean, the man was smiling a small and fond smile.
“So, you still like me, huh? Even after I said all the shitty things about you?”
Castiel nodded enthusiastically. “Of course, you were just angry and you felt betrayed. I understand completely.”
“I don’t have to apologize.”
Castiel shook his head. “That hug was all I needed.”
Dean smiled, no he beamed; it was so different to see that smile on Dean’s older face. But that smile, that same beaming smile, reminded him so much of that worshipful grin that Dean often bestowed on him and that he often bestowed on Dean all those years ago. They were good again. They really were.
“So, tell me about the last ten years. Have you discovered any new plant species, preferably a useful one?”
Castiel launched himself into an all out description of anything spectacular he’d done in the past ten years. It honestly was a lot of things; at the time he did them all he could think about was Dean and he was not able to focus on himself too much. But, everything became good again so Castiel felt comfortable telling Dean about everything and watching his face light up when Castiel described his more exciting discoveries and he listened to all of Dean’s crude but frankly hilarious jokes when the man no longer wanted to listen to the tedious ones.
The pair spoke for hours before Castiel noticed Dean’s eyes dropping and sent him to bed.
When he walked out of that tent there was tightness in his chest and shortness in his breath that brought tears to his eyes. He didn’t understand where the strange bodily reactions were coming from but he suffered through it well into the next day.
Dean was much more civil with him that day and insisted that Castiel walk beside him; he opted out though because his symptoms only seemed to get worse when he was beside Dean.
He described his symptoms to Luke out of desperation and the man only grinned and barked out laughter when Castiel finished.
“You’re in love man!”
In Love…
Next
Author: zoomzoomzoomzoo
Fandom/Genre: SPN AU Romance, Drama, Action
Pairing (s): Dean/Castiel
Rating: T
Word Count: ~82,000
Warnings: Underage, Mild Sexual Situation, Violence
Summary: AU. In a time of great tragedy in the lands of Mamot, the human race and the angel race are forced to form an unbreakable union that will bind them together for twenty seven lifetimes in order to stop the uprising of the demon race. In bargain they offer Castiel, one of the most powerful angels in the entire world to marry Dean Winchester, the young crown prince of the human world. The typically detached Castiel winds up falling in love with the Prince. The only problem is his brothers don’t expect Dean to live through the war. Will Castiel stay and support the man he loves despite the heartbreak that might accompany his passing or will he fall back in line with his brothers, becoming numb to all human emotions once more?
Chapter 18
Things were not looking up…
After their little rendezvous in the woods, Dean acted colder toward Castiel than he ever had before. He no longer ignored him, but he was blatantly rude to him. When Castiel so much as made a comment, Dean always had something to say back and very rarely was that something constructive. It was usually vindictive and totally out of place.
After less than three days of traveling, Dean proclaimed himself the new leader of the group; deciding rather quickly that since he was King and more than half of the people in their party were his subjects he was better person for the job. Also, that Castiel was too unskilled for the job.
The comment was meant to hurt and honestly, it did hurt. Castiel had not reacted to it though, not really wanting to give Dean what he so obviously craved. He opted to agree with the man, which only pissed him off more and made him act even worse to Castiel. After hours of the verbal abuse, Castiel trickled to the back of the group and walked by himself for a while.
He would have never expected someone who liked him as much as Dean did when he was a child to hate him as much as he seemed to. It appeared their apparent connection while “relearning guns” had not made a difference and Dean hated him again.
Whatever dreams Castiel had about coming back and having Dean fall in love with him again were slowly disappearing from reality and became fantasy yet again. Dean would never love him.
Luke apparently saw how disheartened he was and approached him.
“Don’t worry about Dean, listen man. He was just - god he’s going to kill me for telling you this - but he was just really hurt when you left. Give him some time, he’ll come around.”
The statement was supposed to be a comfort, but it only made Castiel feel worse. Aside from Dean’s final letter and Castiel’s own inklings, he never received such solid evidence that Dean was hurt by his sudden departure. His guilt weighed so heavy on him for the rest of the day - how could he have done something to someone he cared so deeply about? Of course, he knew why and he was ashamed that his mindset had not changed much. He was still afraid for Dean and if something happened to him at that very second, even with Dean acting so frosty toward him, he didn’t know how he was expected to survive.
Regardless, though, Castiel never felt guilt so strong. He felt guilty before, like when he neglected to tell his older brothers when Gabriel was plotting some kind of prank against them or when he decided to procrastinate through writing another textbook. But this - what he did - was too much to handle.
He had to appease his guilt.
He knew he was being selfish (again) and he knew that his selfishness was the thing that got him into this situation in the first place, but if he was ever expected to get farther with Dean then he had to have a clear conscience.
He was going to apologize to Dean. He only hoped Dean didn’t shove it back in his face…
~*~*~*~
“What the hell do you want?
Castiel cringed but still crept inside of Dean’s tent; it was late at night and quiet aside from the incessant chirps and hoots from bugs and birds. Everyone else was either sleeping or going to sleep while the angels were on patrol. Castiel cleared his absence from nightly patrols with them early to be here but when now he kind of wished he was with them.
“Can we talk?”
“No,” Dean said simply. “I’m going to sleep.”
Castiel nodded and sat down at the very edge of Dean’s tent, closest to the entrance/exit. Dean’s tent was the same size as the others despite his kingly status, it only had enough room for Dean to lay down horizontally without his feet sticking out and there was enough room on the edges for Dean to spread out his arms or legs if necessary. Dean’s space was cramped though; it held maps, small lanterns, parchment and ink. It was barely enough for Dean let alone Castiel himself.
“I know,” Castiel said. “But, if you can only lend me a second of your time.”
Dean looked irate and harshly pulled his blanket closer to his face, very much like a young child and scowled. “Look, I’ve had a long day. I just want to go to sleep.”
“Please Dean, just - please - just one minute and I swear I’ll leave,” Castiel begged.
There must have been something particularly pathetic about his expression because Dean’s features softened and he moved the blanket away from his face. He regarded Castiel with a calculating look before sighing and sitting completely up in his bedroll.
“Shoot.”
Castiel fought his excited grin by clearing his throat and beating his chest once. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Dean’s voice.
“Time’s ticking asshole.”
Castiel decided to ignore Dean’s rash “asshole” comment and speak instead. He was only promised one minute and he was going to use it wisely. “I wanted to apologize.”
Dean frowned and his eyebrows tightened; he looked truly interested then and leaned down onto his elbow. “Apologize? For- for wha- you didn’t do anything.”
Castiel bit his lip hard and nodded brokenly. “I have… when I left you,” Castiel said, uncertain.
Dean’s mouth opened in a silent ‘O’ but then his expression changed to one of obvious cockiness. He shrugged his shoulders and his head dipped to the side in a fashion like Castiel’s. “Really?”
“Yes, really.” Castiel cleared his throat; he only had twenty more seconds left… “I understand now that I was gone too long.”
“Really?” Dean sat up straight again and gave the angel a challenging look. “I didn’t notice.”
Castiel nodded even though he knew for a fact that Dean had noticed and he was hurting. “Even if you didn’t I know now that ten years is a very long time. We were close friends when you were a boy and now that you’re a man I think we’re not connecting on that level - “
“You think?”
Castiel frowned and nodded. “And I think that has something to do with the time span between our meetings.”
“Ten years was the time span, ten whole years,” Dean elaborated, hand gestures and all.
“Yes, I know. I just want to apologize, I don’t want you bitter - “
“Bitter? Why the hell would I be bitter? We were just friends, I was just a kid and you were just my guardian.”
Castiel noticed then that his time limit was completely out, but Dean was giving him a window and continuing the conversation. The angel was going to use every bit of that window to mend his guilt. “You meant a lot to me, you still mean a lot to me. I don’t wish to lose our friendship.”
“It’s a little late for that, huh Cas?”
Castiel shook his head and scooted closer to Dean. “No, I think we can. We have the tools to fix it, if we try.”
Dean looked at Castiel long and hard before shaking his head and trying to shuffle under the covers again. “I’m tired.”
Castiel, feeling panicked, reached out for Dean’s hands and took them from their place on the end of the blanket. He held them firmly in his own hands and before Dean could start to tug away he looked the man in the eye and spoke. “I care for you Dean. You’re the only human I’ve felt this strongly about. I haven’t gone a day without thinking about you since the last time I saw you.”
Castiel felt like a shunned lover begging for the forgiveness of someone he wronged, but he didn’t care. It was all the truth, after all.
“Please Dean, I just - I want us to be the way we used to be. And I know you do to…” And the funny thing was, Castiel did know. Thinking back on it, he remembered lots of the times when Dean insulted and demeaned him with a pained look in his eyes - almost as if he didn’t want to do it.
“So, what you just know me now,” Dean asked him mockingly. “You’re God looking into my fucking soul and knowing everything about me. You think I miss you?”
“Yes,” Castiel answered simply.
Dean looked taken aback by the solid answer, but he recovered quickly and a cocky self-indulgent smile lit up his face. “Well, then you’re wrong. I don’t care about you, I hope you die -“
Dean stopped short with a sharp inhale of breath when Castiel moved closer and pulled him into a hug. Castiel smiled into Dean’s shoulder, he was just as warm as always. He was surprised when Dean put in no protest and accepted the embrace with a shocked silence; Castiel was expecting some kind of extreme punch-in-the-face type reaction and getting literally nothing threw him through a loop.
He was about to pull away when he felt two hesitant arms drifting up his back and clasping onto his brown “trench coat”. Castiel released a long sigh; his guilty conscience was waning and it looked like Dean was on the path to forgiveness.
“Why,” Dean started to say but froze.
Castiel understood where he was going and he did not want to elaborate on his reasons for staying away so long. His reasoning would probably depress Dean more than silence would. Not to mention it was embarrassing. How was he expected to say out loud that he avoided Dean and all of his efforts to reach out to him simply because he was afraid of losing him and because his big brother told him to? It was contradictory not to mention childish. If he told Dean the truth the man would think of him as a coward for the rest of his life and probably never speak to him again.
And he couldn’t let that happen, especially now that he was feeling the warmth of Dean again.
“I - ummm - had to leave immediately after the incident at your hunting gathering because I had to recharge my energy.” That wasn’t entirely untrue and so Castiel did not think of it as a lie.
Dean nodded into Castiel’s neck. “Why didn’t you come back?”
“I lost track of time.” Another almost lie; he did lose track of time during those ten years it seemed like one second he was agonizing over the feelings for Dean and the next he was agonizing over leaving the boy alone for ten years.
“But, I, uh, I sent letters and sent messengers…”
“I didn’t receive any letters from you.” That was a lie. That was a blatant untruth and Castiel knew it, but what else could he do? Telling Dean that he did get the letters and just didn’t read them would be confirming one of his base accusations from his final letter. It’s not like Dean would ever find out, no one but Impala saw him reading them.
There was a long stretch of silence with the two now-friends still holding each other in their arms.
“Uh, Cas, I’m really starting to feel like a chick.”
Castiel could not think for a second why so continued to hold him.
“Dude, seriously, get off of me. Personal Space.”
Castiel sighed a long-suffering sigh and pulled away from his friend. He hoped Dean didn’t call “personal space” every time they hugged from then on. When he looked at Dean, the man was smiling a small and fond smile.
“So, you still like me, huh? Even after I said all the shitty things about you?”
Castiel nodded enthusiastically. “Of course, you were just angry and you felt betrayed. I understand completely.”
“I don’t have to apologize.”
Castiel shook his head. “That hug was all I needed.”
Dean smiled, no he beamed; it was so different to see that smile on Dean’s older face. But that smile, that same beaming smile, reminded him so much of that worshipful grin that Dean often bestowed on him and that he often bestowed on Dean all those years ago. They were good again. They really were.
“So, tell me about the last ten years. Have you discovered any new plant species, preferably a useful one?”
Castiel launched himself into an all out description of anything spectacular he’d done in the past ten years. It honestly was a lot of things; at the time he did them all he could think about was Dean and he was not able to focus on himself too much. But, everything became good again so Castiel felt comfortable telling Dean about everything and watching his face light up when Castiel described his more exciting discoveries and he listened to all of Dean’s crude but frankly hilarious jokes when the man no longer wanted to listen to the tedious ones.
The pair spoke for hours before Castiel noticed Dean’s eyes dropping and sent him to bed.
When he walked out of that tent there was tightness in his chest and shortness in his breath that brought tears to his eyes. He didn’t understand where the strange bodily reactions were coming from but he suffered through it well into the next day.
Dean was much more civil with him that day and insisted that Castiel walk beside him; he opted out though because his symptoms only seemed to get worse when he was beside Dean.
He described his symptoms to Luke out of desperation and the man only grinned and barked out laughter when Castiel finished.
“You’re in love man!”
In Love…
Next