[FIC] Snow [One-Shot]
Title: Snow
Length: One Shot
Author: zorata
Rating: PG-15 for sensitive ideological material
Genre: Angst (and a whole lot of narration)
Summary: A picture speaks a thousand words, but a prayer grants a thousand wishes. And so Junsu will pray for Yoochun, everyday.
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Snow
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I have always loved the snow.
Walking amidst the field of reflecting flakes, my each steps muffled, I always feel like they suppress the troubled whispers in my head, the stretching whiteness covering all my sins.
And to tell the truth, that is the kind of person I am; I suppress my troubles and cover my sins.
My troubles began two years after I met him. I don't know how it started, maybe it was because we were inseparable best friends, or maybe it's because he was the one who kept me sane during my depression, but I realized I couldn't live without him.
I loved him.
Remember how I ask you for a sign one Christmas? It was because after five long years, I couldn't deal with this one-sided love any longer. I asked for a white Christmas if you were willing to help me end this.
I asked for snow to cover my sin.
Did you know how painful it was for me to do this? To choose between you and him, my two biggest loves in this world? You, who saved me from eternal damnation, and him, who saved me from my suicidal thoughts. In the end, I chose you because I have faith in you.
True faith is if the person whom I have placed my faith on fails, I will die. I know you won't fail.
The white Christmas came. Everyone was excited at the rare occurrence. Among the laughs and smiles, I breathed a sigh of relieve. I was no longer responsible for my sinful one-sided love. I prepared for a long road of struggles and pain as I recover from it.
And painful it was. The snowstorm in January was rough, as if trying to scrap me clean. I still remember that day I was hanging out at his too-cold room. I was complaining how incompatible our temperatures were, but he suddenly with all seriousness that he was in love with a girl from his class. I was rendered speechless. My heart clenched painfully, and I was disgusted at how I was still jealous when this was suppose to be behind me.
The snowstorm was suppose to cleanse me.
It snowed again one March day. While everyone was celebrating the surprise snowfall, I braced myself for what would come. I only half-choked when he announced his girlfriend to our friends.
The snowfall lessened my immense envy.
Some years later on a snowing April day, he ask me to help him set up his proposal. I didn't know why I agreed to help. Looking back, I am sure I was a masochist or something. It already hurt so much just being around him, and then I helped him get a wife.
The drifting snow hid my tears.
And now I am sitting at the church, at his wedding ceremony. It's May, and it still snowed today. I saw his eyes shine in delight at the unexpected snow. Me on the other hand dug my nails into my palm to block out the pain in my chest. It's painful to accept that he doesn't love me. It's painful to know that he loves someone else.
But as long as he is happy, I'll be alright. That is why I'm praying to you right now. I pray that you bless them with eternal happiness. Please give them all the blessings that I should receive. I already have blessings enough, having met Park Yoochun in my life. That'll be all I need.
I still love the snow. It covered all my sins. And it reminds me of your promise to help me.
I will pray for him every day...
But when will the snow end and the Spring return?
Amen.
---
In this imperfect world we live
our love may never be returned,
but alter not the hope we have
a reborn love from dying ashes
for after the winter snow is spurned
the rising Spring will then return.
---
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THE END
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A/N: No Christianity bashing please. Thank you. I don't like deep thought narration. I don't really like to read them, and I don't like to write them. If this was boring, I'm sorry. But I guess if it was boring, you wouldn't have made it to this note anyway. This fic holds a lot of personal meaning to me, so as much as I like comments, I won't be appreciating any bashings. But of course, I'd still respect your opinions.
One reason why I wrote this is because I want to present a deeper understanding of what Junsu may possibly experience. We all know that Junsu is highly religious, and I don't think he is well represented in most fanfics. And I realize that I'm taking a big risk in showing this view in my writing.
Another reason is that I hope to encourage anyone out there who feels like it's the end of the world because of love (or the lack thereof).
Concerning the poem at the ending...well, I don't really like to write poems either. XD It seems like I don't like anything about this fic. I was aiming for iambic pentameter, but it ended up as tetrameter. Seriously, I don't know how Shakespeare can do it so easily. =_=
Thank you for reading!
Length: One Shot
Author: zorata
Rating: PG-15 for sensitive ideological material
Genre: Angst (and a whole lot of narration)
Summary: A picture speaks a thousand words, but a prayer grants a thousand wishes. And so Junsu will pray for Yoochun, everyday.
------------------------------
------------------------------
Snow
------------------------------
I have always loved the snow.
Walking amidst the field of reflecting flakes, my each steps muffled, I always feel like they suppress the troubled whispers in my head, the stretching whiteness covering all my sins.
And to tell the truth, that is the kind of person I am; I suppress my troubles and cover my sins.
My troubles began two years after I met him. I don't know how it started, maybe it was because we were inseparable best friends, or maybe it's because he was the one who kept me sane during my depression, but I realized I couldn't live without him.
I loved him.
Remember how I ask you for a sign one Christmas? It was because after five long years, I couldn't deal with this one-sided love any longer. I asked for a white Christmas if you were willing to help me end this.
I asked for snow to cover my sin.
Did you know how painful it was for me to do this? To choose between you and him, my two biggest loves in this world? You, who saved me from eternal damnation, and him, who saved me from my suicidal thoughts. In the end, I chose you because I have faith in you.
True faith is if the person whom I have placed my faith on fails, I will die. I know you won't fail.
The white Christmas came. Everyone was excited at the rare occurrence. Among the laughs and smiles, I breathed a sigh of relieve. I was no longer responsible for my sinful one-sided love. I prepared for a long road of struggles and pain as I recover from it.
And painful it was. The snowstorm in January was rough, as if trying to scrap me clean. I still remember that day I was hanging out at his too-cold room. I was complaining how incompatible our temperatures were, but he suddenly with all seriousness that he was in love with a girl from his class. I was rendered speechless. My heart clenched painfully, and I was disgusted at how I was still jealous when this was suppose to be behind me.
The snowstorm was suppose to cleanse me.
It snowed again one March day. While everyone was celebrating the surprise snowfall, I braced myself for what would come. I only half-choked when he announced his girlfriend to our friends.
The snowfall lessened my immense envy.
Some years later on a snowing April day, he ask me to help him set up his proposal. I didn't know why I agreed to help. Looking back, I am sure I was a masochist or something. It already hurt so much just being around him, and then I helped him get a wife.
The drifting snow hid my tears.
And now I am sitting at the church, at his wedding ceremony. It's May, and it still snowed today. I saw his eyes shine in delight at the unexpected snow. Me on the other hand dug my nails into my palm to block out the pain in my chest. It's painful to accept that he doesn't love me. It's painful to know that he loves someone else.
But as long as he is happy, I'll be alright. That is why I'm praying to you right now. I pray that you bless them with eternal happiness. Please give them all the blessings that I should receive. I already have blessings enough, having met Park Yoochun in my life. That'll be all I need.
I still love the snow. It covered all my sins. And it reminds me of your promise to help me.
I will pray for him every day...
But when will the snow end and the Spring return?
Amen.
---
In this imperfect world we live
our love may never be returned,
but alter not the hope we have
a reborn love from dying ashes
for after the winter snow is spurned
the rising Spring will then return.
---
------------------------------
THE END
------------------------------
------------------------------
A/N: No Christianity bashing please. Thank you. I don't like deep thought narration. I don't really like to read them, and I don't like to write them. If this was boring, I'm sorry. But I guess if it was boring, you wouldn't have made it to this note anyway. This fic holds a lot of personal meaning to me, so as much as I like comments, I won't be appreciating any bashings. But of course, I'd still respect your opinions.
One reason why I wrote this is because I want to present a deeper understanding of what Junsu may possibly experience. We all know that Junsu is highly religious, and I don't think he is well represented in most fanfics. And I realize that I'm taking a big risk in showing this view in my writing.
Another reason is that I hope to encourage anyone out there who feels like it's the end of the world because of love (or the lack thereof).
Concerning the poem at the ending...well, I don't really like to write poems either. XD It seems like I don't like anything about this fic. I was aiming for iambic pentameter, but it ended up as tetrameter. Seriously, I don't know how Shakespeare can do it so easily. =_=
Thank you for reading!