ponderings and such
how can life change so fast? i mean last year, i had a totally different group of close friends. i despised my now best friend. i mean if anyone had even told me what this year would be like, i would have told them that they were high. molly came to visit yesterday, and when tali, sam, haylee, laura, eimear, justin, louie, and I were hanging out with her i realized how much everything has changed. i miss her so much. and i know its life and that people go away but it still sucks. i feel like i only have one real friend this year. i mean i know that i have a lot of friends, but not all that would be there no matter what. i hate that feeling. i hate feeling like i can barely tolerate being around anyone anymore.i prefer being alone these days. some people who i considered to be some of my best friends just drifted from me. it doesnt seem like they care or miss me. im not saying that im not grateful for what i have because i am, but sometimes i just wish we could live in the past. yesterday was such a fun day. the party was fun, and everyone was in a pretty good mood, but i felt like i wasn't there with anyone u know. i mean my body was there but these days im never really talking to people. i hate feeling like this. now im just at my house, listening to music and reading old live journal entries. ive had this for two years. ive changed a lot. life has changed. it keeps changing. but i guess thats the idea. life is supposed to be challenging. i don't even know why i wrote this fucking entry.