There Is a Point of Turning Back Part 2
There Is a Point of Turning Back
Original
Rating: PG-13/R? I forget because my character does swear
Warning: Death, Angst
Pairing: Alex Whitmore/ Darren Lively
Summary: I was ostracized by my family because I am gay. I joined the army to prove that I am still me. But why does it hurt to fall in love and lose it all?
Part 1
"Is Mr. Alex Whitmore important to you?" the psychiatrist prodded at me. I had just admitted to half of my life, it was obvious she wasnt thick but she was trying to help me move along I guess. I did however, gave her a look like she was a fool anyways. "I apologize."
I sighed, trying to lift the weight off of my heart. "He is the most important thing in my life," I answered. I looked at her. She looked on at me. She wanted me to elaborate. About what though? "Off the record?" She nodded to me. After all I wouldnt want this record of me falling in love to go into the wrong hands if it was ever reviewed again. Again I let out a long sigh before beginning.
Like I had said a minute ago, Alex is the most important thing in my life. Without him I would have never gotten through the war. Even though there were plenty of other guys out there in the army who had my back. Alex had it all the time and I knew. Whenever I would sneak out to relax or something he would cover for me. When we were out on the field he would stand right behind me and cover.
My life is going to sound like a cheesy romance novel but that what happened between Alex and I. Romance. To my surprise I didnt realize it would happen. I thought we were just friends. Who else besides me would be gay in the army? Well whatever, Alex was. It didnt take him long to know that I was either. We talked alot in the mess hall, training exercises, and most of the time at the base when we finished our work. His honest smile and calm exterior drew me in. I dont know.
"Earlier you said 'you hear cries' and 'you wanted to help him,'" I nodded at the psychiatrist. I hope she knew that I was glad she changed the subject. "Did you want to stop hearing cries from Alex?"
I shook my head. At first it was because of our first mission. The cries, they came from my first mission with Alex. We got out of the truck and pulled around the back of the warehouse we were meant to stop the terrorists at. It was Alex and I from the back and 3 other men in the front. We found the terrorists inside getting ready to make the exchange. We bursted in ready to stop them when they pulled a nasty card on us.
The first guy in a mask drop the case which I assumed held the weapons. I felt the adrenaline rush and held my finger ready to pull the trigger when he picked up someone from the ground. It was a kid. And among the other terrorists that were there, they had brought a child also. And those bastards held them as shields. They put their guns at the little ones' heads.
It was never a scene I could forget. I cant sleep sometimes without dreaming of that night over and over again ever since I was discharged. The little kids looking at me, frightened out of their mind. They cried in the arms of the terrorists wanting to go home. Their cries. Their fear. They didnt deserve to be taken from their home like that. Those men were heartless, they couldnt see that they were scaring the kids. They didnt care that they hurt the kids. Those kids like those bastards stared down the barrel of my gun, of our guns. Their eyes wide with uncertainty. Shoot. No. Dont shoot. I was torn. I thought I was a good shot then one of them did it. A child fell to the ground and every other one of them screamed and cried for help. Who was to help them? We reacted too slow, the man that shot the child ran out of the warehouse. All the other ones followed suit and drop the lifeless bodies onto the ground and ran out. My comrades ran out after them and they were neutralized.
My psychiatrist shifted in her seat. Unsure of what to say I can see. "I never really recovered from that mission I suppose. There were more to come after that thats why," I muttered to her. I heard the pen scratching as I looked out of the window. No one understands this until theyve seen in with their own two eyes.
There is a reason why I am back here. I was discharged early. I looked down at my legs. No good they can do me now. I am stuck in this wheelchair forever and I can never go back to the army on the field anymore because of them.
---------------------------------------------
The crickets were chirping more often than usual as I ate my canned food. It was still gross as I scarfed down as much as I could. I tossed my can in the nearest trash bag we had for the week. I stopped and looked around. Some of the guys were getting ready to get some shut eye, other were still chatting about back home. I move towards the dimly lit end of the trees hoping to get some silence, but not to far off from the camp we settled in for the time being.
I leaned against the tree, it wasnt like back at home. The overly fluxing temperature of the night and foreign soil set it a part from being at home. I stared off at the other men. They were all so similar to one another. Thats all I could see. They missed the same people, the same pets, the same bar. I didnt miss anything. I couldnt miss anything when there was nothing left for me back at home. What was I to do?
I pulled out the last hunting knife my father gave me. I missed his stories though. I havent heard his voice in so long telling me to get my ass off of the couch to take a nice girl out on a date. I took it out of its covering and felt my finger along the dull end of the blade. I thumbed the sharper end carefully not to cut myself.
"Penny for your thoughts?" a voice came from behind me. I almost cut myself as I turned my head to see Alex walking out of the woods zipping his pants. I rolled my eyes at him and said nothing as I quickly put the hunting knife away. I didnt want him to know about my story. He was persistant however. He sat down relatively comfortable next to me with a loud grunt like it took all of his energy to sit. "Not much of a talker are you?"
"I can see that you are a big talker," I returned. I thought to myself now, I held no animosity towards Alex everytime we encountered. I had no need to but I didnt want to connect with him. He was a comrade. And he was a man. I could not connect with him. If I did then it would hurt even more if I fell in love with him.
"Dont be so introverted," Alex joked as he looked at the campfire meters away. "We are in this together, so we might as well chat it up a little. We shouldnt be alone anymore than we already are." I stayed silent. What am I supposed to tell him? Everything? That would be too much. He turned to look at me and placed his hand on my knee. "If you wont talk then I will." He smiled as he took his hand back and leaned his back against my shoulder. I didnt feel the need to move, he seemed too much like that kind of relaxed character. I didnt feel uncomfortable and neither did he as I sensed.
"I was born in a big city back in the east. I grew up in a small apartment building filled with little kids and crooked cops." He continued on about his life. Going year by year of how it went. Some parts were sad. When he lost his grandmother to a cop trying to hide his misdeeds. When he was sent back to live with his alcoholic mother and abusive father. When he could barely go to school because he had to work so often to support himself. When he ran away to find his grandfather. Some parts were happy. When he made a friend in that small apartment building named Ned, who he continued to grow up with. When he found his grandfather. When he graduated high school and then college. When he bought his first car.
When he spoke it was as though there was no care in the world for him. I was so surprised. Through all the parts of his life that he recited to me, he seemed happy. His voice never wavered into an uncomfortable state. His voice never broke. He was glad on some level. He was indeed happy. And somehow it made me happy through all the happiness and sadness I went through. By the time he ended his story I didnt even realize it. He had told me so much about him. We had spoken only a few times but he opened up a world, his whole world, for me to hear. It made me happy and when he fell asleep on my shoulder, I just sat with him, not bothering to wake him up.
--------------------------------------------
"Uncle Darrin?" a calm voice called for me. I looked around and tried to look back at my neice who was pushing my wheelchair. She looked a little unfamiliar since I had came home. Her dark hair tied back made her look older than she was seven years ago, then again she was almost 18 now. She looked at me curiously. "You okay? You've been silent for awhile now."
I sat back in my seat as she pushed me towards the Lestrade Estate. "I have always been silent Sarah. Nothing too different now."
She smiled in attempt to get my joke. "Of course," she replied sarcastically to my surprise. "I remember times when you would come home and then tell me stories about college and how crappy school was. You would never stop while telling me about the guy that sat behind you in Physics and kept breathing really loud while you were half asleep. Or the time you were out with Dad shooting quails and he almost pulled a Cheney. Dad is getting old, now that I think of it." She let out a light laugh that made me smile. I do remember times that I would come home and tell her stupid stuff of my days. Before I came out to everyone. I let out a silent sigh, if only she knew why I just suddenly disappeared and joined the army.
"Hey, I know its been awhile since you left for the army Uncle Darrin, but I was wondering if it is okay that I invited Paige over for lunch here," Sarah told me quietly. I remember Paige, her carefree energetic character was something I could never forget. I was glad that Paige was around Sarah, either that it would be a little boring. "I know that you of all people in our family would definitely understand so I just wanted to tell you some things." I looked at her and nodded.
"It would be nice to see Paige again. It has been awhile, we should catch up," I finally said to her.
I was glad there had been rooms down at the bottom of the estate that I could stay in. Since I was discharged I have been living with my brother's family. It still made me laugh inside at how he legally changed his name to Lestrade so no one would know that he was related to our father. Like me, he was different, he held a character that wanted to do what he felt in his gut. He was well mature from me but even though he was bordering 40 and I was only shy under 30 by a couple of years, he still treated me the same. When he found out I was gay it was much later than everyone else but he was happy for me. I couldnt understand why.
I looked at myself in the mirror. Since I had left home I never got to truly see how I look to the world. But then again its only through different perspectives. I hadnt shaved in awhile, the stubble that was present when I left and on occasion shaved was almost a beard now. And the soft face I used to hold like my neice does now, holds a stern face. I was really beat up by the war. Even the hair on my head wouldnt grow back.
I held the razor blade against my cheek. It was soft. I didnt want to cut myself but I know that soft things did cut me. I remembered Alex's soft hands holding my face close to his for the first time. And my words that cut the both of us, when I told him it wouldnt be a good idea. I remember his soft lips against mine. But then I remember the cut of him leaving again.
"Uncle Darrin!" Paige greeted happily as she almost hopped over to see me. It was like she was that bubbly child still years ago. Yet, now however she was a grown woman.
"Still calling me uncle?" I asked as I let go of her. She shrugged as she walked behind me to push me into the kitchen.
"It would be weird calling you just Darrin," she replied finally. I saw Sarah placing sandwiches on to the table and sitting down. Paige pushed me into place and sat down next to Sarah. Like I had imagined whenever I would see her with Sarah, which was almost always, Paige had grown to be even more beautiful, with her blonde hair shimmering in the day and her eyes still soft and loving. Sarah had dark hair that shined to my surprise and her expression softened well from when she was younger. It was like night and day seeing two of them.
I bit into my sandwich and thinking back to Alex again. I sighed. He and I were like Paige and Sarah, polar opposites, yet we were able to stay together some how. Even though I rejected him the first time, he still stuck with me. I was a silent as he was outspoken. I looked between the two girls, both of them itching to tell me something but very uncomfortable. I took another bite into my sandwich before I stopped and placed it down.
"Something wrong?" I asked carefully. Paige looked a bit stunned and sat back. I looked at Sarah who still remained composed. I watched as after another long second passed by and Sarah reached and grabbed Paige's hand interlocking their fingers and placing their hands on the table. I held back a laugh as I covered my mouth with my hand. If they were telling me what I think they are telling me then maybe someone in this world would understand what I've gone through. I looked at Paige's face that was now darkened by complete fear, I guess in my reaction.
"Yeah," Sarah began slowly. A smiled couldnt escape her lips either as she glanced at Paige. "Paige and I are together now." I stared at them. "Uncle Darrin please dont look at us like that."
"Like what?"
"You have an eyebrow raised," Paige answered carefully. Her grip seemed to tighten on Sarah's hand. Before I could open my mouth the young blonde went on and I let her. "If anything you say, please dont disapprove of Sarah. She is still her except now, it is just we are in a relationship. With each other. We have gone through a lot together and we wanted to let you know because Sarah knew that you would understand on some level. And if anything you can just blame me. Because she wasnt always a lesbian or at least she isnt completely now. Well I am but I am only with her." Her voice seemed to get higher and the pace quickened at the very end. The long winded explanation made me crack. I broke out into a laughter.
"Hey, Uncle Darrin," Sarah added, "whatever she said." Paige dropped her head in the crook of Sarah's neck from what seemed to be embarassment and Sarah held her close for comfort. She smiled at me and I smiled back.
"Paige, kid," I called and watched her uncurl herself from Sarah's neck. "I am okay with it. I know how you guys would feel telling me. But I approve. I guess I cant say that I didnt at least see this coming. You two were together way too much." Paige turned red as she looked down at the table. I guess she was a little shier than I thought she was. Sarah still remained calm but the smile on her face surprised me, often times she wouldnt shed a single smile now she does it so often. Sarah placed a kiss on the blonde's temple.
A small wind touched my temple. I remember how his lips gently pressed against the side of my head. It gave me comfort more than anything. It was like he was with me now and it brought me comfort as I sat in the home I thought to be an unfitting place for me. I shut my eyes, some how it felt like it was going to be okay. Even though I still felt hurt in the depths of my heart, I was able to smile and two people be happy together and not face the persecution. I guess my brother did something perfectly right, which was to leave the family.
I never regretted doing that. Even now, ever since I have come home. My departure from home was the perfect thing for me. Besides its not like anyone ever wanted me to come back. If I did then I would have to come crawling on my hands and feet I would suppose. I guess there is irony in that right now. I was forced to stay at home when I was discharged. Never did a day go by when I wasnt stared at under scrutinizing eyes, wondering if I was a fag still. Rat bastards. I never spoke to them when I did, it was only with short sentences. My silence killed them and it made them afraid. Afraid of what though? That I am crazy? No, they just dont get what has happened to me. If they had a chance to walk in my shoes they would never. That is the saddest part of my life.
When I finally called my brother he was more than happy to take me in. It had been so long and I knew better to rely on him than anyone else. He didnt judge me with his looks or actions. He didnt care as long as I didnt do stupid things. I told him about Alex, he was happy for me, yet at the same time he was sad for me. It was as if he knew something was going to go wrong. I didnt want it to happen, but I guess he was right about it.
Part 3
Original
Rating: PG-13/R? I forget because my character does swear
Warning: Death, Angst
Pairing: Alex Whitmore/ Darren Lively
Summary: I was ostracized by my family because I am gay. I joined the army to prove that I am still me. But why does it hurt to fall in love and lose it all?
Part 1
"Is Mr. Alex Whitmore important to you?" the psychiatrist prodded at me. I had just admitted to half of my life, it was obvious she wasnt thick but she was trying to help me move along I guess. I did however, gave her a look like she was a fool anyways. "I apologize."
I sighed, trying to lift the weight off of my heart. "He is the most important thing in my life," I answered. I looked at her. She looked on at me. She wanted me to elaborate. About what though? "Off the record?" She nodded to me. After all I wouldnt want this record of me falling in love to go into the wrong hands if it was ever reviewed again. Again I let out a long sigh before beginning.
Like I had said a minute ago, Alex is the most important thing in my life. Without him I would have never gotten through the war. Even though there were plenty of other guys out there in the army who had my back. Alex had it all the time and I knew. Whenever I would sneak out to relax or something he would cover for me. When we were out on the field he would stand right behind me and cover.
My life is going to sound like a cheesy romance novel but that what happened between Alex and I. Romance. To my surprise I didnt realize it would happen. I thought we were just friends. Who else besides me would be gay in the army? Well whatever, Alex was. It didnt take him long to know that I was either. We talked alot in the mess hall, training exercises, and most of the time at the base when we finished our work. His honest smile and calm exterior drew me in. I dont know.
"Earlier you said 'you hear cries' and 'you wanted to help him,'" I nodded at the psychiatrist. I hope she knew that I was glad she changed the subject. "Did you want to stop hearing cries from Alex?"
I shook my head. At first it was because of our first mission. The cries, they came from my first mission with Alex. We got out of the truck and pulled around the back of the warehouse we were meant to stop the terrorists at. It was Alex and I from the back and 3 other men in the front. We found the terrorists inside getting ready to make the exchange. We bursted in ready to stop them when they pulled a nasty card on us.
The first guy in a mask drop the case which I assumed held the weapons. I felt the adrenaline rush and held my finger ready to pull the trigger when he picked up someone from the ground. It was a kid. And among the other terrorists that were there, they had brought a child also. And those bastards held them as shields. They put their guns at the little ones' heads.
It was never a scene I could forget. I cant sleep sometimes without dreaming of that night over and over again ever since I was discharged. The little kids looking at me, frightened out of their mind. They cried in the arms of the terrorists wanting to go home. Their cries. Their fear. They didnt deserve to be taken from their home like that. Those men were heartless, they couldnt see that they were scaring the kids. They didnt care that they hurt the kids. Those kids like those bastards stared down the barrel of my gun, of our guns. Their eyes wide with uncertainty. Shoot. No. Dont shoot. I was torn. I thought I was a good shot then one of them did it. A child fell to the ground and every other one of them screamed and cried for help. Who was to help them? We reacted too slow, the man that shot the child ran out of the warehouse. All the other ones followed suit and drop the lifeless bodies onto the ground and ran out. My comrades ran out after them and they were neutralized.
My psychiatrist shifted in her seat. Unsure of what to say I can see. "I never really recovered from that mission I suppose. There were more to come after that thats why," I muttered to her. I heard the pen scratching as I looked out of the window. No one understands this until theyve seen in with their own two eyes.
There is a reason why I am back here. I was discharged early. I looked down at my legs. No good they can do me now. I am stuck in this wheelchair forever and I can never go back to the army on the field anymore because of them.
---------------------------------------------
The crickets were chirping more often than usual as I ate my canned food. It was still gross as I scarfed down as much as I could. I tossed my can in the nearest trash bag we had for the week. I stopped and looked around. Some of the guys were getting ready to get some shut eye, other were still chatting about back home. I move towards the dimly lit end of the trees hoping to get some silence, but not to far off from the camp we settled in for the time being.
I leaned against the tree, it wasnt like back at home. The overly fluxing temperature of the night and foreign soil set it a part from being at home. I stared off at the other men. They were all so similar to one another. Thats all I could see. They missed the same people, the same pets, the same bar. I didnt miss anything. I couldnt miss anything when there was nothing left for me back at home. What was I to do?
I pulled out the last hunting knife my father gave me. I missed his stories though. I havent heard his voice in so long telling me to get my ass off of the couch to take a nice girl out on a date. I took it out of its covering and felt my finger along the dull end of the blade. I thumbed the sharper end carefully not to cut myself.
"Penny for your thoughts?" a voice came from behind me. I almost cut myself as I turned my head to see Alex walking out of the woods zipping his pants. I rolled my eyes at him and said nothing as I quickly put the hunting knife away. I didnt want him to know about my story. He was persistant however. He sat down relatively comfortable next to me with a loud grunt like it took all of his energy to sit. "Not much of a talker are you?"
"I can see that you are a big talker," I returned. I thought to myself now, I held no animosity towards Alex everytime we encountered. I had no need to but I didnt want to connect with him. He was a comrade. And he was a man. I could not connect with him. If I did then it would hurt even more if I fell in love with him.
"Dont be so introverted," Alex joked as he looked at the campfire meters away. "We are in this together, so we might as well chat it up a little. We shouldnt be alone anymore than we already are." I stayed silent. What am I supposed to tell him? Everything? That would be too much. He turned to look at me and placed his hand on my knee. "If you wont talk then I will." He smiled as he took his hand back and leaned his back against my shoulder. I didnt feel the need to move, he seemed too much like that kind of relaxed character. I didnt feel uncomfortable and neither did he as I sensed.
"I was born in a big city back in the east. I grew up in a small apartment building filled with little kids and crooked cops." He continued on about his life. Going year by year of how it went. Some parts were sad. When he lost his grandmother to a cop trying to hide his misdeeds. When he was sent back to live with his alcoholic mother and abusive father. When he could barely go to school because he had to work so often to support himself. When he ran away to find his grandfather. Some parts were happy. When he made a friend in that small apartment building named Ned, who he continued to grow up with. When he found his grandfather. When he graduated high school and then college. When he bought his first car.
When he spoke it was as though there was no care in the world for him. I was so surprised. Through all the parts of his life that he recited to me, he seemed happy. His voice never wavered into an uncomfortable state. His voice never broke. He was glad on some level. He was indeed happy. And somehow it made me happy through all the happiness and sadness I went through. By the time he ended his story I didnt even realize it. He had told me so much about him. We had spoken only a few times but he opened up a world, his whole world, for me to hear. It made me happy and when he fell asleep on my shoulder, I just sat with him, not bothering to wake him up.
--------------------------------------------
"Uncle Darrin?" a calm voice called for me. I looked around and tried to look back at my neice who was pushing my wheelchair. She looked a little unfamiliar since I had came home. Her dark hair tied back made her look older than she was seven years ago, then again she was almost 18 now. She looked at me curiously. "You okay? You've been silent for awhile now."
I sat back in my seat as she pushed me towards the Lestrade Estate. "I have always been silent Sarah. Nothing too different now."
She smiled in attempt to get my joke. "Of course," she replied sarcastically to my surprise. "I remember times when you would come home and then tell me stories about college and how crappy school was. You would never stop while telling me about the guy that sat behind you in Physics and kept breathing really loud while you were half asleep. Or the time you were out with Dad shooting quails and he almost pulled a Cheney. Dad is getting old, now that I think of it." She let out a light laugh that made me smile. I do remember times that I would come home and tell her stupid stuff of my days. Before I came out to everyone. I let out a silent sigh, if only she knew why I just suddenly disappeared and joined the army.
"Hey, I know its been awhile since you left for the army Uncle Darrin, but I was wondering if it is okay that I invited Paige over for lunch here," Sarah told me quietly. I remember Paige, her carefree energetic character was something I could never forget. I was glad that Paige was around Sarah, either that it would be a little boring. "I know that you of all people in our family would definitely understand so I just wanted to tell you some things." I looked at her and nodded.
"It would be nice to see Paige again. It has been awhile, we should catch up," I finally said to her.
I was glad there had been rooms down at the bottom of the estate that I could stay in. Since I was discharged I have been living with my brother's family. It still made me laugh inside at how he legally changed his name to Lestrade so no one would know that he was related to our father. Like me, he was different, he held a character that wanted to do what he felt in his gut. He was well mature from me but even though he was bordering 40 and I was only shy under 30 by a couple of years, he still treated me the same. When he found out I was gay it was much later than everyone else but he was happy for me. I couldnt understand why.
I looked at myself in the mirror. Since I had left home I never got to truly see how I look to the world. But then again its only through different perspectives. I hadnt shaved in awhile, the stubble that was present when I left and on occasion shaved was almost a beard now. And the soft face I used to hold like my neice does now, holds a stern face. I was really beat up by the war. Even the hair on my head wouldnt grow back.
I held the razor blade against my cheek. It was soft. I didnt want to cut myself but I know that soft things did cut me. I remembered Alex's soft hands holding my face close to his for the first time. And my words that cut the both of us, when I told him it wouldnt be a good idea. I remember his soft lips against mine. But then I remember the cut of him leaving again.
"Uncle Darrin!" Paige greeted happily as she almost hopped over to see me. It was like she was that bubbly child still years ago. Yet, now however she was a grown woman.
"Still calling me uncle?" I asked as I let go of her. She shrugged as she walked behind me to push me into the kitchen.
"It would be weird calling you just Darrin," she replied finally. I saw Sarah placing sandwiches on to the table and sitting down. Paige pushed me into place and sat down next to Sarah. Like I had imagined whenever I would see her with Sarah, which was almost always, Paige had grown to be even more beautiful, with her blonde hair shimmering in the day and her eyes still soft and loving. Sarah had dark hair that shined to my surprise and her expression softened well from when she was younger. It was like night and day seeing two of them.
I bit into my sandwich and thinking back to Alex again. I sighed. He and I were like Paige and Sarah, polar opposites, yet we were able to stay together some how. Even though I rejected him the first time, he still stuck with me. I was a silent as he was outspoken. I looked between the two girls, both of them itching to tell me something but very uncomfortable. I took another bite into my sandwich before I stopped and placed it down.
"Something wrong?" I asked carefully. Paige looked a bit stunned and sat back. I looked at Sarah who still remained composed. I watched as after another long second passed by and Sarah reached and grabbed Paige's hand interlocking their fingers and placing their hands on the table. I held back a laugh as I covered my mouth with my hand. If they were telling me what I think they are telling me then maybe someone in this world would understand what I've gone through. I looked at Paige's face that was now darkened by complete fear, I guess in my reaction.
"Yeah," Sarah began slowly. A smiled couldnt escape her lips either as she glanced at Paige. "Paige and I are together now." I stared at them. "Uncle Darrin please dont look at us like that."
"Like what?"
"You have an eyebrow raised," Paige answered carefully. Her grip seemed to tighten on Sarah's hand. Before I could open my mouth the young blonde went on and I let her. "If anything you say, please dont disapprove of Sarah. She is still her except now, it is just we are in a relationship. With each other. We have gone through a lot together and we wanted to let you know because Sarah knew that you would understand on some level. And if anything you can just blame me. Because she wasnt always a lesbian or at least she isnt completely now. Well I am but I am only with her." Her voice seemed to get higher and the pace quickened at the very end. The long winded explanation made me crack. I broke out into a laughter.
"Hey, Uncle Darrin," Sarah added, "whatever she said." Paige dropped her head in the crook of Sarah's neck from what seemed to be embarassment and Sarah held her close for comfort. She smiled at me and I smiled back.
"Paige, kid," I called and watched her uncurl herself from Sarah's neck. "I am okay with it. I know how you guys would feel telling me. But I approve. I guess I cant say that I didnt at least see this coming. You two were together way too much." Paige turned red as she looked down at the table. I guess she was a little shier than I thought she was. Sarah still remained calm but the smile on her face surprised me, often times she wouldnt shed a single smile now she does it so often. Sarah placed a kiss on the blonde's temple.
A small wind touched my temple. I remember how his lips gently pressed against the side of my head. It gave me comfort more than anything. It was like he was with me now and it brought me comfort as I sat in the home I thought to be an unfitting place for me. I shut my eyes, some how it felt like it was going to be okay. Even though I still felt hurt in the depths of my heart, I was able to smile and two people be happy together and not face the persecution. I guess my brother did something perfectly right, which was to leave the family.
I never regretted doing that. Even now, ever since I have come home. My departure from home was the perfect thing for me. Besides its not like anyone ever wanted me to come back. If I did then I would have to come crawling on my hands and feet I would suppose. I guess there is irony in that right now. I was forced to stay at home when I was discharged. Never did a day go by when I wasnt stared at under scrutinizing eyes, wondering if I was a fag still. Rat bastards. I never spoke to them when I did, it was only with short sentences. My silence killed them and it made them afraid. Afraid of what though? That I am crazy? No, they just dont get what has happened to me. If they had a chance to walk in my shoes they would never. That is the saddest part of my life.
When I finally called my brother he was more than happy to take me in. It had been so long and I knew better to rely on him than anyone else. He didnt judge me with his looks or actions. He didnt care as long as I didnt do stupid things. I told him about Alex, he was happy for me, yet at the same time he was sad for me. It was as if he knew something was going to go wrong. I didnt want it to happen, but I guess he was right about it.
Part 3